01x05 - Takin' a Chance on Love

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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01x05 - Takin' a Chance on Love

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face-to-face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

[WHOOPS LIKE AN INDIAN]

[TOOT TOOT TOOT]

Ha ha.

We made it, Colonel.
We got the mail through.

Well, thanks, fellas.
You were swell.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Hello, Edward. I...

Oh, excuse me.

I didn't realize
you had company.

[SOUTHERN DRAWL]
Colonel Ricky Stratton, ma'am.

The bravest cavalry officer
in the West

who single-handedly
just saved your scalp

from an angry pack
of renegade servants.

[SOUTHERN DRAWL]
Oh, well, thank you, sir.

Shucks...

'tweren't nothin', ma'am.

Kate, you're all packed
and ready to go?

Mm-hmm.

[NORMAL VOICE] You excited
about your vacation?

Oh, not really. I've been on
ocean cruises before.

They're nothing
but seasickness,

sunburn, and bad food.

Then why do you go?

To have fun.

Come on, Kate, fess up.

This is a singles cruise,
right?

Edward, it's an opportunity for
diverse, dignified people

to meet and travel
to foreign islands.

Well, thus learning
the custom and the history

of the indigenous natives.

Sounds great.
Who's the sponsor?

Club Whoopee.

Colonel, why don't you
check the engine there

for arrow damage?

[SOUTHERN DRAWL] Yes, sir.

Kate.

Kate, uh...

listen, I-I know how expensive
these cruises can be.

I mean, the first port
you come to,

you buy a dozen
carved coconut heads,

you're tapped out.

Anyway, uh...

Here.

This is a thousand dollars.

Edward,
you're too generous.

Well, no. Only with people
I really like.

Oh, thank you.

Kate, I want you
to have a real good time.

Hey, who knows?
Maybe you'll meet a nice guy.

Yeah.

[NORMAL VOICE]
Can I say goodbye now,

or is there more stuff
I'm not supposed to hear?

I'm gonna miss you.

Well, goodbye.

Bye.

Well, I'd better hurry.

The guys without gold chains
go fast.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.
Bye.

Bye.

So.
So.

What do you want to do now, Dad?
Play a game or something?

Nah. There's nothin'
to play with here.

Then I think it's time
we had a man-to-man talk.

Uh-oh.

Don't worry.
You didn't do anything wrong.

Whew.

Dad.
Hmm?

I was wondering.

Are you a monk?

[CHANTS] What do you mean?

Well, it's just that
I've been here a while now,

and you haven't gone out
on any dates.

Well, son, I-I thought
it was important

that I try to spend as much time
as possible with you.

Besides, I wasn't really sure
how you'd feel about me dating.

Come on, Dad, I wasn't born
in the woods, you know.

I understand
that a man has needs.

You do?

Yeah. Sure,
I have needs, too.

I'm just too young
to do anything about 'em.

Well, there is this one lady

that I'm working on
the masquerade ball

for the children's hospital
with. Her name's Helen Winslow.

You like her?

Well, yeah.
She's intelligent, charming...

Is she...

No. More like...

Hey, then go for her, Dad.

Well, maybe I will,
maybe I will.

Hey, how about you? You got
a girl you're interested in?

Nope. Still at
that awkward age.

You know,
when girls are yucky,

but not as yucky
as they used to be.

Well, it's only a matter of time
before you fall in love.

Really?
Yeah.

How am I gonna know
when I'm in love?

[CHUCKLES]
Well, you'll know.

You won't be able to
think straight.

You'll be dizzy,
lose your appetite.

I already felt that way.

You did?

The time I ate some bad fish.

GIRL: Hi, guys.

GIRLS: Hi.

Hey, Rick, sure is
hot today, isn't it?

Not really.

You know, I just had
some water. Boy, is it great.

It was cool,
clear, refreshing.

Come on. That stuff
tastes like nuclear waste.

Not anymore.

I think they must've put
a new filter in it or something.

Try it.

[CACKLES]

What a sap.

Look, Derek!

Look, Derek.

Stud time.

Hi, gorgeous.

Buy you a drink?

No, thanks.

I'm Derek Taylor.

'Course,
the ladies around here

call me Derek the Dude.

Look, Dud...

That's Dude.

Buzz off.

[WHISPERS]
She's crazy about me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Me?

I'm having a little trouble
getting my locker open.

I wonder if
you could help me.

Hey, no problem.

That was really great.

Now could you help me
with mine?

Right.

It's this one.

Hey, there we go.

No sweat.

Thanks.

You're, uh, you're new
out here, aren't you?

Yes. I just transferred.

My name's Sally Frumbel.

You have a name?

Well, uh, what is it?

My n-- My name?
Yeah.

Ri--

My, um...

Ricky...

It's Ricky something.

Ricky Stratton?

Hey, right.

Are you feeling okay?

Just a little dizzy.

Probably ate
some bad fish.

Uh-huh.

Aha!

Aha. There thou art, knave.

Wouldst insult
my fair Roxanne, sir? Hah!

Stand and be delivered, sir.

I see thou hast stood thy ground
and taste my sword, sir! Aha!

Ooh, ah.

You okay, Phil?

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Rick.
I was just trying on my...

[FRENCH ACCENT]
Cyrano de Bergerac costume.

[NORMAL VOICE]
I invited Helen Winslow

to the masquerade ball.

Hey, that's great.
Really great.

Hey, how you doing, Phil?

Well, you're in a good mood.

You know what happened
to me today?

I discovered
the two most beautiful words

in the English language.

Yeah? What are they?

Sally Frumbel.

Rick, I don't wanna pry,

but is this, uh, Sally Frumbel
somebody special?

I hope so, or I'm acting
real dumb for nothing.

Is she, uh...

Dad, she's 12.
She's...

Look at this. Ten pages
of Sally Frumbels.

Oh, it's E-L instead of L-E.
Gee, that is pretty.

It's weird, Dad.

Sally is all I can
think about.

Well, why don't you ask her
to a movie

some Saturday afternoon?

Oh, that's a great idea.

While she's
looking at the film,

I can stare at her.

Can you ask her for me?

Well, Rick, now wait a minute.
I think that's your job.

I can't, Dad. Every time
I try and talk to her,

my tongue goes on strike.

Come on, give her a call.

You'll find your mouth
will start to work

when it's disconnected
from your eyeballs.

I can't do it.

What do you mean you can't?
I asked Helen Winslow.

If I can do it,
you can do it.

You're right. I can do it.

Good show, sir.

Me thinks I hear
some blackguards in the library.

Wouldst excuse me, sir?

Yes, I wouldst.

Good show. I must away.

Oh, hello.

Is Sally Frumbel there?
Yeah, thanks.

Hello, Silly?
This is Rocky.

No. I mean,
Ricky, this is Sally.

No, I'm not Sally.
That's silly.

Right, Rocky? Excuse me.

Give me that phone, Duane!

Hello, Sally?
This is Rick.

Yeah, younger brothers...

Listen, I was wondering

if you're not doing anything
or something--

well, see, what I mean is, if...

you'd like to see a movie
with maybe me?

Saturday afternoon.
You will?

Great. Great.

[SIGHS]

Shall we meet at the mall,
say, around noonish?

I'm really looking forward
to this, Sally.

Ciao.

All right!

I did it!

I did it.

What you writin' there?

Nothin'.

None of your business.

It's probably another
drippy love letter to Sally.

And would you please
tie your shoes?

Give me that back, Derek.

"To my sweet
Sally Frumbel."

"I don't know
why the sky is blue.

I don't know why,
but the sea is, too."

"I don't know why
a cow goes moo?

"All's I know
is that I love you?"

Oh, gag me with a spoon.

Derek, before I met Sally,
that might've made me mad,

but now... I'm a mature guy.

Rick,
since you show signs

of being more than an average
run-of-the-mill hockey puck,

I'm gonna tell you the truth
about your girlfriend.

What are you talking about?

Well, how can I put this
delicately?

Well, let's just say
that Sally

is every guy's pally.

You're sick.

That's a lie.
And I know Sally.

I know we got something
really special going together.

And nothing you say about her
is gonna change that.

Fine. Let's just drop
the subject, then.

I have to go, anyway.

Okay.

"I don't know why
a cow goes moo."

Mr. Stratton.

Hi, men.

You seem to be in
high spirits.

Well, I just had a date
with a wonderful woman.

She would
have to be exceptional

to be worthy of you,
sir.

Well, thank you, Derek.

Truth must be told.

Well, I should be
going now.

I want to read
my favorite book

before I turn in.

I hope to get through
the Gospel of St. Luke.

Good night.

So, how'd it go tonight?

Well, over dinner,
Helen and I discussed

what costumes we'd wear
to the masquerade ball.

I wanted us to go as
Cyrano and Roxanne.

But she wanted to go as
George and Martha Washington,

so we compromised.

We're going as
Heckle and Jeckle.

Are you in love with Helen?

No, I wouldn't say
I'm in love.

I'm madly in like.

Well, I'm madly in love.

Well, I can see that.

What, uh, have we here?

Just a love poem.

Oh, a love poem, huh?

Don't read it.

Why?
It's embarrassing.

Oh, come on. You don't
have to be embarrassed.

I'll never forget the poem
I wrote to my first love--

Edna Innerbitsin.

"Your teeth are like
snow-capped mountains.

"Your eyes are like
deep-blue lakes.

"Your hair
isn't the greatest.

I guess
those are the breaks."

Well, how'd she take it?

I still have
the scar here somewhere.

Well, that could never happen
between Sally and me.

Tomorrow, making a big move.

I'm talking commitment.

Talking full partnership.

I'm talking
a lifetime together.

You mean?

Yes.

I'm giving Sally Frumbel
my ID bracelet.

[SCATTING]

Hi, Ricky.

Sally, hi.

Sally,
I just want you to know

that... these last weeks

have been the most exciting
of my life.

As far as I'm concerned,
you're the best.

You're the best with me,
too, Ricky. It's--

We're like
Antony and Cleopatra.

Romeo and Juliet.

Joanie and Chachi.

We're a perfect pair.

I want the whole world to know
just how I feel about you.

So what I'm really
trying to say is,

Sally, will you wear
my ID bracelet?

No.

That's great beca--

Did you say no?

Ricky, there's something
I've got to show you.

You're already wearing
an ID bracelet.

"Judson W. Matzenbacher?"

You're going with
Hose Nose?

His name is Judson.

I'm sorry, Ricky.

On the way to school
this morning,

a car ran a stop sign.

It would have run me over

if Judson hadn't pushed me
out of the way.

He saved my life.

You fell for that line?

That is the oldest one
in the book.

Are you okay?

Hey... I can handle it.

I want us to be friends.

Yeah, sure.
You and I can be friends.

Hope you don't mind
if I hate Hose Nose.

You're so cute.

That's me--

Mr. Cute.

[BELL RINGS]

Sure you're okay?

Hey.

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

♪ Pack up
All my cares and woes ♪

♪ Here I go singing low ♪

Do you mind?

Sorry.

You know something?

I think my last
Slurp 'N' Suck

was watered down.

I wanna speak to
Hilarious Hal.

I'm Hilarious.

I should've known.

Well, would you make
the next one

a little stronger, please?

My son here is trying to
drown his sorrows.

I can't believe it.

I finally met
the woman of my dreams,

she dumps me.

I'm only 12.

Do you realize
how many years I have left

to be miserable?

Rick,
time heals all wounds.

It's better
to have loved and lost

than never to have
loved at all.

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.

You better start fixing
another round

for me and Ben Franklin
over here.

Oh, Sally, why?

Oh.

You're really hurting,
aren't you?

I've never felt so awful
in my whole life.

One minute, I'm sad,
next minute, I'm empty.

Next minute, I'm angry.

I feel so bad.

Ah, Ricky.

You know how sometimes
in Bug Bunny cartoons,

there'll be a thing
where Bugs Bunny

drives over Elmer Fudd
with a steamroller?

And Elmer Fudd comes out
flat as a board?

That's how I feel.

Like a flat Fudd.

I wish I could just
snap my fingers

and make all the pain go away.

Hey, why don't you
take a cue from Elmer?

Whenever he got flattened,

he'd just blow on his thumb
and reinflate himself.

Nice try, Dad,

but I'm through with
this love stuff forever.

[LIKE ELMER FUDD]
Wisten to me. Wemember--

[NORMAL VOICE] Listen to me.
Remember... how good you felt

these last two weeks
when you were with Sally?

I could see it in your eyes.
You were walking on air.

Wasn't that a terrific feeling?

Yeah, it was,
but I got sh*t down.

But that's because
you took the risk.

You made yourself vulnerable.

And when you're vulnerable,
you can get hurt.

But maybe the next time
you fall in love,

you won't get hurt.

But you'll never know

unless you're willing to
take that risk.

I understand
what you're saying, Dad.

From now on,

I'm just-I'm just through
with girls, okay, forever.

I'm though with girls.
Okay?

Okay.

Which one do you want?

I'll take the tall one.

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
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