01x13 - The Best Christmas Ever

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face-to-face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

You know something, Kate?
I'm really excited

about spending
my first Christmas with my dad.

You know, I think your father's

is very excited about spending
his first Christmas with you.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

What makes you say that?

Oh, just a feeling.

[LAUGHS]

Ooh, I almost forgot.
This came for you.

Hey, it's a Christmas card
from Grandfather.

"From the desk
of E.W. Stratton II.

"Richard, kindest regards
of the season. Grandfather."

And people say he never
gets into the Christmas spirit.

Well, at least
he typed it in red ink.

Right.

And look--a $20 bill.

Yeah. Oh, and he also
sent this basket.

Huh. Look at this.

Fruit, cheese...

Candied oysters?

Well, it's an improvement.

Last year, it was
chocolate-covered snails.

Well...

Kate, I sure wish you could
spend Christmas with us.

Oh, me too.

But my family is expecting me
back in Columbus.

I was hoping you could see
my dad's face

when he opens up
the present I'm giving him.

What?

It's the world's greatest pen.

It's got a calculator in it,
an alarm, a flashlight,

a radio, a watch,

and a built-in
computer game.

Yeah, but does it write?

I-I-I forgot to check.

I'm sure it does.

[DOORBELL PLAYS
"DECK THE HALLS"]

Hi. Merry Christmas.

Hello, mister. I just
moved into the neighborhood,

and I was wondering if you had
any odd jobs for me to do.

I need to earn a dollar

to buy my mom
a Christmas present.

Well-Well, come in,
come in.

It's cold out there.

You're not just
whistling Dixies.

Wow.

What a tree.

Is this the White House?

No, no. I live here.

Now, you said
you wanted a job?

Forget that.
How about adopting me?

Why don't you
come by the fire and get warm?

So, what's your name?

Joey. Joey Thompson.

I'm Ricky Stratton,
and this is Kate Summers.

Pleased to meet you.

My pleasure.

Joey, would you like
a cookie?

Look at him, Kate.

He's starving.

Yeah.

He's got holes
in his jacket.

Would you like
some hot cocoa?

Wow, I'd love some.

Okay.

Um, Joey,
I really don't think

there's any jobs around here
for you to do.

Please.
I need to earn a dollar.

I'll do anything, Mr. Stratton.
I'm a hard worker.

I may be small, but I'm wiry.

Joey, Joey, please don't
call me "mister."

Although to you, I may seem like
an awesome giant...

I'm actually
only 12 years old.

Really?
I'd guess you were ten.

You know, 11 tops.

Second thought,
call me "mister."

I'll do any job,
no matter how awful it is.

However, when I get paid,
I prefer cash.

You know, there is something
you could do for me.

I could use
a good ornament hanger.

I'm your man.
I'm good at that.

Here you go. Hang that
on the tree for me.

There you go.

Perfect. You know,
there was a bare spot there,

and you covered it all up.

I told you I'm good.

Here's your hot cocoa.

Careful.

What else do you
want me to do, mister?

"Mister"?

Leave it alone, Kate.

That's all
there is to do, Joey.

That's it? Aw, heck.

I need to earn a dollar bad.

You did,

plus a $19 tip.

Wow.

Wow, $20.

Now you go buy your mom
something nice for Christmas.

Okay. Hey,
I bet with this much,

I could buy her
a mink coat or something.

Hey, Joey,
would you like a ride home?

It's awfully cold outside.

No, thanks. I don't live far.
Bye. Merry Christmas.

Bye. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

That was terrific.

Where did you get all that
Christmas spirit?

Simple, Kate.

I just thought of what Derek
would've done in the situation,

and I did the opposite.

Interesting approach.

I just hope my dad's
in the Christmas spirit

as much as I am.

♪ Good King Wenceslas
looked out ♪

♪ On the feast of Stephen ♪

[SCATTING]

Hey, Dad, how do you like
the Christmas tree?

♪ O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree ♪

♪ How lovely
Are thy branches? ♪

Edward, I took
all your decora--

I know, Kate, and you've...

♪ Decked the halls
With boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la,
La la la la ♪

I feel...

pretty good.

No kidding.

Yeah, this time of year...

my blood's not only red,
it's red and green.

[RIM sh*t]

Thank you.
Look at this great tree.

Look at these
great decorations.

Look at this great food.

Now see the effect
Christmas has on people.

Even my father sent us
a basket of goodies.

Candied oysters?

Now, that's a shame.

It's bad enough
to be born an oyster,

but to end up candied?

[RIM sh*t]

Edward--

Look at this man.

Look at him.

Who, me?

Yes, you.

Len, come on.
You're so unbending.

So stiff. Loosen up, guy.

Come on,
a little Christmas spirit.

♪ I've got the world
On a string ♪

♪ Sitting on a rainbow ♪

♪ Got that string around-- ♪

Len.

Len.

Len.

Buddy, see,

that's not a Christmas song.

See what happens
when I try to loosen up?

Well, g*ng, I've got to be
going. I've got a plane--

No, no. Kate,
you can't leave yet.

We haven't had
the ceremonial lighting

of the Christmas tree.

Come on.
Len, you get the drums.

Kate, get the lights.
And let's see now...

who's the youngest blonde kid
in this house?

I am. I am.

Who is?
I am.

Ah, you are. Okay.

You take a hold of
the extension cord of honor.

Leonard, if you please.

[DRUMROLL]

The world has waited
long enough.

Let Christmas begin.

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh.

Wow.

Merry Christmas, Leonard.

Merry Christmas, Kate.

Thank you for that fruitcake
you gave me.

Thanks for the fruitcake
you gave me.

Merry Christmas, Ricky.

Merry Christmas, Kate.

Did you remember to pack
my present?

I sure did.

Hope you like it.

I made it myself
in wood shop.

If you're not sure what it is
when you open it,

just call me.

You call me
when you arrive, okay?

I will.

Oops,

mistletoe.

Rick's first Christmas here

is gonna be
the greatest one ever.

Oops,

mistletoe.

[SIGHS]

I got him something
he has been dying for.

A computerized dune buggy.

It's got five speeds,
it's real fast,

it's beautifully built.
I can't wait.

I mean, I can't wait
to see his face

when he opens it up.

Yeah.
Yeah.

You know something, Kate?
I'm really gonna miss you.

Oh, oh, oh,

your present.

And yours.

[SIGHS]

Oops.

Mistletoe.

Merry Christmas.

[SIGHS]

Okay, what do you say, Len?

Right, let's get those toys
down to the children's hospital.

I've got a long drive
to Philly tonight.

Right.

Thank you.

Have a happy Christmas,
Rick.

Thanks, Len.

Okay, Len, let's fire up
the old Spirit of St. Nicholas

and make some kids happy.

We'll see you
in a couple of hours, son.

Okay, Dad.

Drive carefully.

Okay.

You ready, Len?

As I'll ever be.

Here we go.

♪ Ta-da ♪

[TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS]

Here we go.

[TOOT TOOT]

EDWARD:
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go ♪

♪ Laughing all the way ♪

[LEONARD LAUGHS]

♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

Wow.

[WIND HOWLING]

MAN: Where'd you get
all this stuff?

We don't take handouts,
son.

JOEY: This is not a handout.

I met this really rich guy
in this big house.

I asked him for a job,
and he gave it to me.

Ellen, can you believe
what's happened to us in a year?

Last year, we had a house,
a new car.

We were living
the American dream.

Jack, it'll all work out.

We're healthy,

we're together,
and it's Christmas.

And we're
living in a cave.

ELLEN: There's some
interesting things here.

We have some patties.

That's pate, Joey.

What's pate?

Goose liver.

Pass.

It just isn't fair.
I had seniority.

Fifteen years
I worked for that company,

and they let me go
like that.

Honey, you're not alone.

A lot of steel mills
are closing down.

You'll find another job
when we get to Denver.

Maybe. If we ever get
enough money to fix the truck.

At least it broke down
near this cozy cave.

Dad, want some
candied oysters?

Pass.

I think we'd better
get a move on

if we're gonna
get to church on time.

Maybe...

Yeah, that's right.

Maybe we can leave
the candied oysters for Santa.

Son...

I don't think Santa's
gonna come this year.

Why not?

Well, I'm not sure
Santa knows where we are.

What do you mean?
I thought Santa knew everything.

Well, he does, Joey.
It's just that there wasn't time

to send him
a change-of-address card.

You mean, he's gonna
leave my gifts at our old house?

We better go back.

We can't. It belongs
to the bank now.

Look, Joey, next year,
I promise you,

Santa will know
exactly where we are,

and we'll have
the best Christmas ever.

Okay. But can we leave
the candied oysters

just in case he comes?

ELLEN: Here, Joey.

[WIND HOWLING]

JACK: Stay here
while I find a candle.

ELLEN: Did you remember
to stomp your feet?

Right. We don't wanna
get our cave dirty.

[BOTH GASP]

We must be in
the wrong cave.

No, you're not.

Who are you?

I'm Ricky Stratton, ma'am.

He's the guy in the big house
who gave me the job.

I appreciate this, but we really
don't like to take charity.

It's not charity.

Thanks a lot,
Mr. Stratton.

Call me Ricky, okay?

I should call you
Santa Claus,

because that's who you are,
as far as I'm concerned.

No, I'm not Santa Claus,

but I'm glad
you brought that up.

'Cause when you told me
that you guys had just moved,

I figured that it'd be hard
for Santa to locate you.

So I sent him a telegram.

Do you think
he'll get it in time?

EDWARD: Ho, ho, ho.

You never know.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Santa Claus.

Does Joey Thompson
live here?

Yeah, that's me, that's me.

Ho ho.
Well, well, well, Joey,

you know, if I hadn't gotten
that telegram,

I wouldn't have known
you were here.

How are you, Joey?

Great, Santa.
I mean, how are you?

Well, I'm-I'm a little tired.

This is my busy season,
you know.

Plus, I got
a power struggle going on.

The Teamsters
trying to unionize my elves.

Well, you don't wanna hear
my troubles. Ho ho ho.

Say, Joey, you think

there might be something
in my sack for you?

Well, I sure hope so.
I've been real good.

Well, except for
that one day

when I shaved
my neighbor's dog.

Ho ho ho.

Oh, here's one, and it says,

"I belong to Joey."

Wow, can I open it now?

Sure.

Wow, a dune buggy.

I've always wanted
one of these.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Me too.

Santa, I wanna talk to you.

In just a minute.

Let's see if there's
something in here

for Joey's dad.
Ho ho ho.

Go on, Jack.
Open it.

What a wonderful pen.

Oh. Oh, it's more than
just a pen.

Push that button.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
8:32 p.m. December 24th.

Merry Christmas.

This is great.

It's just what
I always wanted.

Me too.

Let's see if there's something
for Joey's mom.

Ho ho ho.

Oh, oh.

Oh.

What a beautiful negligee.

Just what
I've always wanted.

Me too.

That negligee
was supposed to be for Kate.

[SIGHS] Right now,
she's in Columbus

opening a genuine oak
spice rack.

Let's face it, Santa.
You blew it.

Well, Merry Christmas,
everybody.

Do you have to
go now, Santa?

Well...

I guess I could stay a while
and give Rudolph a rest.

Ho ho ho.
Think I'll have some eggnog.

Listen, who are you?

Edward Stratton III.

You know, my first instinct
was to throw you out of here.

What's your second instinct?

To say thank you.
You really made my son happy.

I'm gonna pay you back
for all this.

No, it's not necessary.
It's Christmas.

In the spirit of...

I don't take handouts.

I'll find some way
to pay you back.

Well, I-I respect that.
I'll tell you what.

We'll take it out of
your first week's paycheck.

My what?

Your first week's paycheck.
See, I own a factory,

and I can really use
a man like you.

Yeah?

Yeah, definitely.

What do you do?

I was foreman
at a steel mill.

Well, now, see,
this is a coincidence,

because my factory
makes toys.

Y-You see the connection?

Not off the top of my head.

Yeah, well, you see,
you're a foreman,

and you know how
to manage people.

Well, let's say that
you're in charge of

the Potato Wiggler
assembly line.

Now, you see
one of your men

start to play with
one of them.

What do you do?

I'd tell them to wait
until break time.

You're hired.

We'll discuss the details
tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Christmas.

Well, take the day off.

Is all this on the level?

You bet.

You've got a deal.

Ellen, this guy
really is Santa Claus.

I just got a job.

Oh.

Isn't this great?

Sure is.

[BOTH SIGH]

You know, that pen
was, uh, supposed to be for you.

You know, that dune buggy
was supposed to be for you.

I think it worked out
just right.

You know what?

What?

This is the best Christmas ever.

♪ Silent night ♪

ALL: ♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin ♪

♪ Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant ♪

♪ So tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪