01x21 - Won't You Go Home, Bob Danish

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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01x21 - Won't You Go Home, Bob Danish

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[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face-to-face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[AIRPLANE FLIES OVERHEAD]

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

[ENGINE DIES]

[AIRPLANE NOSEDIVES]

[AIRPLANE CRASHES]

Dad, look.

Rick...

now, the important thing
is to remain calm.

Okay, Dad.

All right. I want you
to go to the phone

and call
the fire department.

Okay, Dad.

And, Rick,
don't forget to mention

that there's an airplane
burning out of control

in our rose garden.

I won't, Dad.
Okay.

Dad, look.

[BRANCHES CRACKING]

Hi, Eddie.

It's Bob Danish.

Bob, what happened?

Well, Eddie, I'd say we had
a, uh, bit of a plane crash.

Smoke?

No, thanks.
Those things'll k*ll you.

Bob, was there anybody else
in the plane?

No, just me.

Of course, uh, Bob Danish
is enough for any cockpit.

[BRANCH BREAKING]

Rick, help me get him
out of this. Come on.

Can you get on your feet, Bob?

Yeah.

All right. All right.
That's good.

[GROANS]

Bob, you okay?

Hey. No sweat, Scooter.
It's cool.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
gotta get to my plane.

That little lady needs me.

[GROANS]

Bob, you've hurt your leg.

That's all right.
Got a back-up.

Let me get you inside.

I'll get you a cup of coffee
or something.

No, that's my plane
out there.

And nothing's gonna stop me
from getting to her.

[expl*si*n]

I'll take that
coffee now, Eddie.

Yeah, okay.
Just lean on me, Bob.

[SIREN WAILING]

Nice place.

That must be
the fire department.

Hope
they're coming here.

Just right here
on the couch, Bob.

Take it easy.
Aah.

That's good.

First, the plane crash,
now this.

Ever had
one of those days?

Dad.

Yeah.

Firemen are putting out the fire
in the rose garden.

Oh, thank God.

There's more good news.

They just realized
the greenhouse is burning down.

The firemen
are trying to get inside.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

They're inside.

This is neat.

Rick, the backyard
is an inferno.

Total destruction
is not neat.

Lighten up.

He's just a kid.

Probably his first disaster.

Danish, what's the matter
with you?

Don't you realize
what's happened here?

You have crashed
an airplane.

And there are pieces of it
all over my backyard.

You have caused
unbelievable damage

and destruction.

My goof, okay?

I would like to know
why your plane

fell down in my backyard.
And if you say to me,

"Hey, man, it was gravity,"
I will k*ll you.

Bob, start explaining now.

Okeydokey-doke.

I was making a cargo run
for, uh, Pam-Ann Air Freight.

Remember,
I told you about them.

Yeah. Pam and Ann.

They're the ladies
that own your plane.

Right as rain, Scooter.

Call me Rick.

Sure, Scooter.

Anyhoo, I knew I'd be
flying over your pad,

so I figured
I'd buzz the place.

Sort of tip my wings hello,
you know?

You buzzed my house?
That was dangerous.

Not in the hands
of a skilled pilot.

Bob, why would you
buzz our house?

We hardly even know you.

Heh. We're all guys here,
right?

Well, the truth is,

I wanted to impress
my old flame,

Eddie's secretary
Kate Summers.

Bob...

Kate
doesn't live here.

Kate has her own apartment.

You mean
I endangered my life

and destroyed Pam-Ann's
one and only plane for nothing?

Boy, is my face red.

Bob, don't you think
you should call Pam and Ann,

tell 'em about
your new flame?

I suppose.

Eddie, will you
hand me that phone?

[FIRE RADIO CHATTER]

Thanks.

He's acting like

what happened here
is no big deal.

You think he's in shock?

Maybe.

Of course, there could be
another explanation.

What?
He's an idiot.

Hello, Pam?

This is the Great Dane.

Yeah, listen, uh,

we've had a-a slight incident.

Oh, let me explain it to you
with a little humor.

What's twisted,

what's metal,

and it's scattered
all over the place?

Give up?

It's your airline, babe.

[CHUCKLING]

Edward, there's
a huge crowd outside.

Well, they said
a plane crashed.

How could that
possibly happen here?

Oh, Bob.

I'm fine, kitten.

Uh, Bob...

There, there.
It's all over now.

Bob, please.

Shh. It's okay.
It's okay.

Bob.

Yeah.

That's enough.

Hey, buddy. Do I detect
a little jealousy here? Heh.

Bob, Kate and I

happen to be in love
with each other.

Maybe. But I happen to think

she ended up with you
on the rebound from me.

Rebound?

Uh-huh.

Bob, we've never bounded.

You're unbelievable.

That's the rumor.

Bob, wait a minute.

I thought you told me
you were living with Pam.

How come you're making hits
on Kate

if you're living with
another woman?

Hey. Just because a man

doesn't have the shoes
he wants

doesn't mean
he has to go barefoot, huh?

Bob, what about Pam?

Wasn't she
supposed to pick you up?

I don't wanna be rude here,

but I'd like you
the hell out of my house.

I hope, uh,
Pam has cooled down a little.

Ah.

Don't worry, Bob.

If Pam doesn't come for you
right away,

you can stay
with us for a while.

Hey. Heh.

Uh, Bob...

would you excuse us
for just a minute?

Feel free.

[OFFICE DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Son, it was real nice of you

to offer our house
as a place for Bob to stay.

I'm proud of you
for being so compassionate.

Thanks, Dad.

Don't you ever
do that again.

I want him out.

Dad, I kind of feel sorry
for Bob Danish.

I mean, he tries to act cool
about everything,

but I think that inside,
he's really scared.

Son, if you had to be
Bob Danish,

you'd be scared, too.

Hey, you two.
My ears are burning.

Heh heh.

Listen, you don't
have to worry about

Roberto Danishero.

I'll be able to handle Pam.

Bob, now,
you're absolutely sure

that you're gonna be
staying with Pam?

I guarantee it. Heh.

Hah.

Great.
Well, in that case,

well, if-if-if you had to,

you could stay with us.

For a while.

Briefly.

Hey, I-I-- won't be necessary,

but I appreciate the offer,
huh?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Pam.

You scum.

You lowlife.

You less-than-human idiot.

You've ruined me.

I don't ever wanna
see you again.

You are disgusting,
worthless filth.

You are...

[STAMMERS]

the most rotten,
horrible person

I've ever met
in my entire life!

I don't want you to die.

I want you to live

and be miserable

forever!

Well, Eddie,

I think I'll take you up
on your offer.

Hi, Scooter.

Want a sandwich?
Pretty tasty.

I think it's
some kind of beef.

It's prime rib, Bob,

and in the last three days,
you've eaten ten pounds of it.

[SNICKERS]

Hey, I see you're
looking through

my scrapbook, huh?

Yeah. I couldn't resist
when I saw the cover.

"A Pictorial History
of Bob Danish."

Yeah. Look, there I am

after my very first
swimming lesson.

Oh, I see you're getting
artificial respiration.

Who's that?

That's the greatest man
who ever walked the earth--

my dad--Dan Danish.

Really?
What's he holding?

That device
is what made my dad a legend

in the Saginaw area.

He was acknowledged
by all he met

as the world's greatest
traveling Brannock salesman.

What's a Brannock?

Those little
metal things you use

to measure your feet
when you get shoes.

Oh,

a Brannock.

Yeah. Yeah, my dad

always said he could've invented
the Brannock.

Had the idea, but he never
did anything about it.

If he had,
I'd be rich man today,

and you'd be measuring your feet
with a Danish.

Was the greatest man
who ever walked the earth,

your dad, Dan Danish, bitter?

Well, the greatest man
who ever walked the earth,

my dad, Dan Danish,
was not bitter.

Although when he d*ed,
he was a broken man.

Oh, so I guess
it did bother him.

No. Piano fell on him.

You know, I sure miss
my dad--Dan Danish.

He used to call me Scooter,
Scooter.

He used to call you
Scooter Scooter?

No, just Scooter,
Scooter.

Skip it.

You know, I, uh,

I was the apple
of my dad's eye.

But I think he'd be
pretty disappointed

if he could see how
down-and-out I am now.

Aw, don't worry, Bob.

Things are gonna get better
for you.

Huh.

By the way,
I was meaning to ask you.

What's this?

Oh, that's my parsley.

That's a souvenir

from my one and only dinner
with Kate.

You really like her,
don't you?

Yeah. That gal's
the greatest thing

since lava lamps.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Rick.

Uh, Eddie.

Yeah, Bob?

You had an urgent call
while you were out.

What's that mean, Eddie?

That means, "Who called, Bob?"

Really?

I would've done...

Who called?

See, my way works.

Anyway, he said
it was important

that you call him back
right away.

Who?

You know a guy
named Larry?

Yeah, I know several Larrys.

Maybe it was Harry.

I wrote it down.

Now, uh,
think real hard, Bob.

Yeah. Larry, Harry,
Garry, Jerry, Barry.

Ah, here it is.

This says Frank.

That's it--Frank.

Rick, I want to see you
in the library.

Okay, Dad.

[DOOR OPENS]

Stick around, Bob.

Stick around.

Thanks, buddy.
I sure will.

[SIGHS] Rick,
he has got to go.

I'm not running a shelter

for people who mix up
Harry and Frank.

Edward, I feel that
I'm responsible for this.

I mean,
Bob wouldn't even be here

if he hadn't
buzzed the house for me,

so I think I should be the one
to tell him to leave.

No, Kate. It's my house.
I should tell him.

No, I should do it.

Okay.

Bob, could we talk
for a second?

Sure.

What's on your mind, babe?

Bob, you can't stay here.

Heh heh. That's not really
what you want to say,

is it, Kate?

Yes, it is. That's exactly
what I want to say.

Ha ha. Come on. We both know
what's happening here.

The truth is, you can't stand
having me so close.

That's one way
of putting it.

The truth is,
you want me back.

Where does that
come from?

Can't you see
that I'm in love with Edward?

[CHUCKLES]

I'll admit that little trick
worked for a while.

Made me jealous.

Until I realized
they were just waiting

for the Great Dane
to make his move.

Okay, Kate.

You talked me into
moving in with you.

What?

I don't want you
to move in with me.

I don't want you
anywhere near me.

Sure, and Orson Welles
is anorexic, right?

Heh heh heh.

Try to understand this, Bob.

I don't ever wanna
see you again.

And I'm not saying this
to make you jealous.

I'm saying this
because I just don't like you.

Bob, I-I shouldn't have
said that.

You don't like me.

I didn't mean it.
Really, I didn't.

Well... Bob Danish

does not stay
where he's not wanted.

How did it go?

He's leaving.

All right! Ha ha.

But I really think
I hurt his feelings.

Aw, gee, that's too bad.

I'll call him a cab.

Dad, I'm confused.

About what, son?

Well, you're always telling me
that it's important

to be sensitive
to other people's feelings.

Well, yeah,
that-that-that is important.

Then how come you don't care
if Bob's feelings are hurt?

Ricky's right.

Okay.

I'll have a talk with Bob.

I'll try to make him
feel better.

And I promise I'll be sensitive
to his feelings.

Dad, if it's okay, uh,
I'd like to talk to Bob.

No, I think I should do it.

No, I should.
Okay.

[DOOR CLOSES]

You know, you're
pretty good at that.

No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.

Okay.

How you doing, Bob?

Had a rough week, Scooter.

I was dealt a, uh, bad hand,
but Danishes don't fold.

I'll be just, uh...

[VOICE CRACKS] fine.

That didn't happen.
Get me, Scooter, hmm?

You were, uh, you were
starting to cry, weren't you?

Me? Bob Danish?

Come on, I never cried
a day in my life.

The greatest man
who ever walked the earth,

my dad, Dan Danish,

told me real men don't cry.

My dad was never wrong.

Till he decided
to stop being a salesman

and get into piano moving.

Well, in my opinion,

the greatest man
who ever walked the earth

is my dad,

Edward Stratton III.

And he says that it's okay
for a man to cry.

Eddie said that?

Yeah. He says that when you,
uh, when you hurt inside,

crying helps
get rid of the pain.

And once all the bad feelings
are out,

you don't hurt so much.

So I just want you to know that

you don't have to be embarrassed
if you wanna cry.

You're a good kid, Scooter.

I appreciate
what you're trying to do here,

but, uh,

there is no way
that Bob Danish is going to cry.

I will not...

allow that to happen.

[SOBBING]

There. Now, don't you...

[BAWLING]

It's okay.

There. Now,
don't you feel better?

Yeah, I do.

Son of a g*n.

My first cry.

And you know what?

What?

I'm pretty darn good at it.

[CHUCKLES]

Rick?

What was that
awful sound?

Bob,
were you crying?

Damn straight, woman.

Well, looks like
I'm cleared for take-off.

So long, Eddie.

You've got
a great kid here.

Well, thank you, Bob.

And good luck to you.

Try not to destroy
any major facilities.

So long, Scoo--

So long, Rick.

So long, Bob.

I wish you
all the best, Bob.

I know, babe.

Kate.

"Of all sad words

"of tongue and pen.

"The saddest are these--

'What might have been.'"

Well, gee,
what a beautiful quotation.

Who wrote that?

Aw,

some clown
at a match factory.

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons togeth-- ♪
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