01x01 - The First Meeting

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ [theme]

- Well, hello, Mrs. Post.
- Hi. Mr. Reeves.

Oh, Mr. Reeves.

Oh, darling, isn't it beautiful?

Huh? Isn't that great?

And it's all ours.

Yes. Yours and mine
and the man from the bank.

Aw. [chuckles]

Oh, Mr. Post,

I know you went a little
higher than you figured.

Oh, I couldn't help it.

As soon as I saw this
place, I fell in love with it.

Well, you're an architect.

You know good, solid
construction when you see it.

I certainly do.

Don't I, dear?

Thank you, honey.

Mr. Addison, your next-door
neighbor, who used to own it,

has always kept
it in fine shape.

I'm sure he has. Thanks very
much, Mr. Reeves, for everything.

Well, thank you. I know you two
are going to be very happy here.

- Thank you. Goodbye.
- Good-bye.

Well, shall we go in?

Wilbur, it's our first house.

Aren't you going to carry
me over the threshold?

Oh. Oh, yes. Sure.

[groans]

Good, solid construction.

Oh. Got to get the key.

Wilbur, don't put me
down. It's bad luck.

Oh! [chuckles]

You'd better get the key
then. It's in one of my pockets.

Down... [chuckles]

Wait a minute. I forgot
to get it from Mr. Reeves.

Mr. Reeves!

How do you do?

I'm Roger Addison.
I live next door.

Oh. I'm just carrying my
wife across the threshold.

Well, aren't you going
in the wrong direction?

Yes, I am. Oh, Mr. Reeves!

Would you mind? I won't be long.

Mr. Reeves!

How do you do? I'm Carol Post.

How do you do?

Well, now that we've met,
perhaps I'd better put you down.

Oh, no, no. You
see, it's bad luck.

Oh.

I got it, honey.

Oh, this way, Mr. Addison.

I'm awfully sorry.

There we are. [chuckles]

Oh! Ah! Here.

Whoa. How do you
do? I'm Wilbur Post.

- How do you do?
- Won't you come on in?

Not right now.

I have a feeling that
I might be intruding.

Come on, honey. Let's go
look at the rest of our estate.

All 200 feet of it?

Isn't this wonderful? I've
never lived in the country before.

Oh, you'll love it.

I lived in a place like
this when I was a kid.

Aha!

Now, there's something
you learn on a farm.

A rake lying on the
ground. That is dangerous.

Oh, well, sure, if you
stepped on it in your bare...

No, no, no. Not bare
feet. Not just that.

Why, if you were to
step on that, that could

come right up and
smack you in the face.

Oh, you mean it's
dangerous just to do this?

[gasps]

That is dangerous.

- Come on, hon.
- Oh, I'm sorry!

That's what I was
telling you about, honey.

This could be converted
into an office for me.

I figured I'd put a
skylight up there,

and right next to my drafting
table, we could build cabinets.

[whinnies]

- Carol, look!
- A horse!

But he wasn't here when
we first looked at the place.

Well, maybe he was outside.

How about that? A horse!

- [whinnies]
- [screams]

Oh, let's get out of here! Or get
him out of here! Or do something!

Well, you two certainly are

the most affectionate
couple I've ever seen.

He-He tried to bite me!

I suppose that's all
right. You're married.

Oh, she means the horse.

Him? He doesn't bite.
He's just a mangy old nag.

[nickers]

As a matter of fact, that's
what I came to tell you about.

You see, the people who rented this house
before you bought it owned this horse.

Well, they had to leave
in a hurry, and they said

you can keep him, you can sell
him, do anything you want with him.

Oh!

We'll keep him.

Wilbur, of course
not. We'll sell him.

- No, we'll keep him.
- Sell him.

- Keep him.
- Sell him.

- Keep him.
- Sell him!

I'm glad to hear
you two arguing.

For a moment, I was wondering if
you were a normal married couple.

Wilbur, come here, honey.

We've gone to a lot of
expense to buy this house,

and we just can't
afford to feed the animal.

Well, okay, I guess...

You'll see I'm right. I'll find a
horse dealer in the phone book.

Look, I'm sorry, old fella.

I wanted to keep you, but...

Hey, do you have any water?

Huh?

You know, I should never
have started cleaning you up.

The better you get to look,
the more I want to keep you.

Ah, let's get started
with the feet now, huh?

Maybe it's just hot in here.

Should open a window.

Mr. Parker, this is
my husband, Wilbur,

and that's the horse.

Why didn't you let him guess?

How do you do, Mr. Post?

I think I can take him
off your hands for $50.

Honey, you're making a big
mistake. This is a very intelligent horse.

We've been all through
that, dear. We'll take the $50.

All right. There you are.

Give it to her.

There you are, ma'am... $50.

And I think we both
made a good deal.

This horse looks to
be in pretty good shape.

Just a minute.
This horse is lame.

Lame?

Lame, huh?

Well, the horse wouldn't
be much use to you like that.

There's nothing out of place.

Probably just a barn cramp.

Oh. Barn cramp, huh?

But of course,

if this horse were in real pain, he
wouldn't be holding his head so high.

The minute a horse is
distressed or off his feed,

first thing you notice,
that head goes right down.

Well, the animal is ailing.

Well, we can't take
advantage of the man, honey.

- Give him his money back.
- Well, honey...

Of course, he
can't be real sick.

If a horse can
stand, he's worth $50.

Well, I'll be.

Give me back my $50.

Horse trading is a thieving, conniving,
double-crossing business at best,

but this beats all.

Just a minute.

10, 20, 30, 40, 45.

Yeah, it's all here.

Wilbur, what are
we going to do now?

Honey, if the man
doesn't want the horse...

But, honey, how can
we take care of him?

Look at him. He's sick.

Maybe the S.P.C.A. can
help us. I'll go call them.

Carol. Carol!

Can you come over right away?

I'm afraid he's a very sick
horse. He's on his back.

Hello? Look, you
can forget about it.

The horse is
perfectly all right.

Thank you.

Wilbur, what do you
mean, the horse is all right?

Do you know that
horse was only kidding?

“Kidding”?

He was only pretending
to be sick so he could stay.

Wilbur, I know you want to keep
the horse, but this is ridiculous.

But it's true!

Why do you think I
winked back at him?

You-You winked back at him?

- Yeah, but he winked
at me first.
- Oh, Wilbur.

Look, there is nothing
wrong with that horse.

Look.

All right, Wilbur. All right.

You can keep the horse if
it means that much to you,

but stop making up
these fantastic stories.

- I love you.
- Well, prove it.

- Come in.
- Aren't you people
overdoing this a bit?

She's letting me keep the horse.

How nice. Now, what I
came over to tell you is this:

that I'm having some
neighbors over tomorrow night,

and I'd like to have you
come over and meet them.

- Oh, thank you.
- We'd be delighted.

If I were you, I'd
keep my door closed.

Now, you're
gonna stay after all.

Isn't that great?

Oh, I never thought owning a
horse could mean so much to me.

I guess it's because
when I was a little boy,

I wanted a pony.

Of course, it's been a long
time since I was a little boy.

It's been a long time
since I was a pony.

Who said that?

Oh, no. That's impossible.

Did you say that?

Oh! How could you?

Did you say it?

Oh, I... I didn't hear it.

How could I?

But I did.

Oh, that's impossible!
I don't believe it!

Now, while I'm looking
right at you, say something.

- Like what?
- Anything. Anything.

How now, brown cow?

Carol! Carol!

- Carol! Carol!
- What is it, honey?

- Carol, the horse!
- Down here, dear.

Carol! The horse!

The horse... Better
sit down, dear.

- The horse...
- Uh-huh?

He talks.

Wilbur, I told you you
could keep the horse. Now...

Look, look, I know it sounds
fantastic, unbelievable, but it's true.

The horse talks!

I didn't believe
it myself at first,

and then I made him say something
while I was looking right at him.

What did he say?

“How now, brown cow?”

The rake! The bump on the head!

Oh!

Yeah. The rake. Yeah.

The rake! That's what it was!

How do you feel?

Fine.

Carol!

Carol!

Carol? Sit down.

Carol, that horse talks!

You've got to go to bed and I'll call the
doctor and everything will be all right.

Come on with me. You're gonna
hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

Wilbur!

Wilbur!

Wilbur!

Wilbur, I'm worried about you!

I'll prove it to
you. You'll see.

All right, say something.

Well? Don't just stand there.

Say something.

Oh!

I know why he won't talk.
You've turned your back on him.

That horse is sensitive. Now,
Carol, will you please turn around?

This whole thing is ridiculous!

Will you please turn around?

All right.

Oh!

I told you he was sensitive.

I wouldn't believe
that horse could talk

if the two of you stood
there and sang a duet!

Carol!

Why didn't you talk to my wife?

I hate skeptics.

But you made me
look like such a fool.

You've got to talk to my
wife. Why did you talk to me?

Because I like you.

This whole thing is fantastic.

I just don't understand it.

Don't try to.

It's bigger than both of us.

- Hello, Mr. Addison.
- Oh, hello, Post.

I didn't recognize you
without your wife in your arms.

- Come in.
- Thank you.

Mr. Addison, I... I'd like
to ask you something.

Why, certainly, Post,
certainly. Anything at all.

Oh, a cigar?

No, I haven't got one with me.

No, no, no, Post. I'm
offering you a cigar.

Oh! Thank you.

You know, I'm sorry
my wife won't be back

from New York in time for
the party tomorrow night.

I did want you and
your wife to meet her.

Oh, fine. We'll
enjoy seeing her.

Post, I know we're
both in the same room,

but I don't think we're
in the same world.

Is there something on your mind?

Yes, Mr. Addison, there is.

Well, sit down
and tell me about it.

Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Addison,

the man who lived in the house
before we did... Um, he rented from you.

- Mr. Oldfield.
- Yeah. Did you know him
very well?

Oh, yes, indeed. We
were very close friends.

Did you ever exchange
confidences with him?

Yeah, quite often.

Did he ever tell
you about his horse?

No. What about his horse?

Did he ever tell you
his horse talked?

Oh, no. Oldfield said
a lot of funny things...

Would you repeat that, please?

He didn't say anything
about his horse talking?

No.

Did the horse ever say anything?

No.

Did the horse ever talk to you?

Uh-huh.

He's been talking
to me all afternoon.

I just realized
I'm a little tired.

I think perhaps a little
rest would do me good.

It might not be a bad idea
for you to get some rest too.

You see, I played 18 holes of golf
today, and that's a little too much for me.

Normally I only play 9,
and I'm a little fatigued.

Mr. Addison, the reason I came
over here is I need your help.

You see, I've got a
problem with my wife.

I can't convince her
that the horse talks.

I would say that your
wife had the problem.

So frustrated is that
my neighbor, my wife...

My own wife...

I tell 'em I've got a horse that
talks, and they don't believe me.

Why should they?
It's ridiculous.

- But you do talk.
- Only to you.

Well, why only to me?

'Cause you're the
only one I ever liked

well enough to talk to, Wilbur.

Well, thanks, uh... Ed.

Ed?

What kind of a name
is Ed for a horse?

What kind of a name
is Wilbur for a man?

Ah, stop gabbin' and
get me some oats.

I'm starved.

Well, that's-that's right.

You do need some oats. Yeah.

Oh, um, where shall I get them?

Go to Duffy's feed
and grain store.

Wilbur... Yes?

They give Green Stamps.

Oh! Honey, let me give
you a hand with that.

All right.

There we are.

Honey, what's wrong?

I had an awful time
at the market today.

What happened?

Everybody was talking about the
new couple that moved in, the Posts.

They said that the husband
thinks he has a horse that talks.

What did you say?

I said my name was Mrs. Jones.

- Oh, honey...
- (phone rings)

Look, dear, don't
worry about it.

These things have a way
of clearing themselves up.

Hello.

Hello, Post? This
is Mr. Addison.

I'm sorry, but the party
for tonight is canceled.

Goodbye.

That was Mr. Addison.

The party's been called off.

I knew it! I just knew it!

- (sobbing) - Look,
Carol... Carol!

Don't call me Carol!
My name is Mrs. Jones!

(door slams)

Got to prove
that this horse t...

A tape recorder. That'll do it!

- Hi, Wilbur.
- Hi, Ed.

What you doing?

Oh, just thought
I'd drop in, say hello.

That's nice.

You know, I'm very flattered
that I'm the only human being

that you picked on
to talk to, old horse.

That's swell.

Uh, can I get you some
oats or anything, old horse?

Nope. I'm fine.

Uh, can I open the
window for you, Mister Ed?

Nope.

Leave it closed.

Well, good night, horse.

Good night.

- Hey, Wilbur.
- What?

Nice gadget you got there.

Oh, yeah. Yes, it is.

Tape recorder, huh?

Oh, well, yeah.

You might call it that,
I guess. Goodbye.

- Hey, Wilbur.
- What?

How you gonna convince anyone

the other voice on
that tape is a horse?

Huh?

Oh!

Oh, this is great.

All because you had
to pick on me to talk to.

Millions of people in the
whole world you could...

and you got to pick on me.

Now everybody thinks I've
flipped my lid. Carol's heartbroken.

All because you
pick on me to talk to.

Wilbur, I can get
you out of this.

How?

Phone that real
estate man, Reeves.

Reeves?

You tell him what
I'm gonna tell you.

If I know Reeves, he'll
run right to Addison.

Well, then what?

Then your troubles will be over.

Now, listen, Wilbur.

(no audible dialogue)

What do you mean, Post doesn't
want the house? He bought it, didn't he?

Sure. But he wants to make you give
him back the money without asking for it.

That's ridiculous. The
man's out of his mind.

That's exactly what
he wants you to believe.

That's why he told
me the horse talks.

Right. Don't you understand?

It's the oldest trick in
the real estate game.

He wants to make us think
he's got a screw loose up here.

That way, you'll try to get
him out of the neighborhood.

I see. Well, he'll
never get away with it.

Mr. Addison, you tried to
sell this house for a long time.

There were no
takers at your price.

You leave it to me, Reeves.

I know how to handle Post.

Carol, will you come downstairs?

- No!
- Honey, I'll make your lunch.

I'm not hungry!

Honey, there's
nothing to worry about.

Somebody just told me how to
straighten out this whole mess.

- Who?
- Oop!

Maybe you'd
better stay upstairs.

(doorbell rings)

- Oh. Hello, Mr. Addison.
- Hello, Wilbur.

- Come on in, sit down.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.

What a pleasant surprise.

(laughing)

Why, my horse just told
me a very funny story.

Funniest one I've
heard in years.

I'm still laughing about it.

Well, let me hear it.

Ah, well, these two fellows
were at a bar, you see,

and one of them says,
“Give me four martinis.”

I know that joke.

- You do?
- Yeah, my dog told it to me.

Your... dog?

Well, your horse told it to my
cat, my cat told it to my dog,

and my dog told it to me.

How do you like the
way things get around?

- Wilbur...
- Yeah?

If I cut $2,000 off the price of
the house, will that make you stay?

- Two thou...
- Is it a deal?

It's a deal!

Now, Wilbur, does
your horse talk?

- No. Does your dog talk?
- No.

- Your cat?
- Hm-mmm.

You know, for a minute, I
was a little worried about you.

And I worried about you.

Oh, and by the way,
the party is not canceled.

- I'm expecting you
and your wife.
- Oh, just a minute.

Carol? Carol!

I don't want any lunch.

Look, honey, Mr. Addison's here.

He's inviting us
to the party tonight.

Really? How wonderful!

Look, not only that,
he likes us so much

he's knocked $2,000
off the price of the house.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Addison!

Oh, Wilbur.

Honey.

Well, this is where I came in.

(snoring)

Ed, you asleep?

Not anymore.

Well, everything
worked out fine.

We went to the party. The
ladies invited Carol out to lunch...

- Wilbur.
- Yeah?

Good night.

Well, I haven't finished
telling you about Carol.

Good night, Wilbur.

Well, good night!

People.

Talk, talk, talk.