02x06 - Driver Ed

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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02x06 - Driver Ed

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hoping to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go
Making it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

Kate, this toy convention
is gonna be a milestone

For Eddie Toys.
Thank you, Jenkins.

I'll bet you we'll be flooded
with offers

for our new walking banana.

Yeah, I predict six months
from now,

the entire country will say,
"It's stupid but I want one."

-Have you heard our new jingle?
-Mm.

♪ We got a banana
That's really cute ♪

♪ Everybody wants
This jogging fruit ♪

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪ From coast to coast
From Texas to Montana ♪

♪ This perambulating produce
Is America's top ♪

♪ Banana ♪

Nice b*at and easy to dance to.

I give it a zero.

Well, now that you're here,
Father, we can hit the trail.

Now listen, if you have
any problems at all with Ricky,

I left the number of the hotel
we're gonna be staying at

on the refrigerator
under the cookie magnet.

I managed 55 corporations.

I can handle one adolescent.

Hi, Grandfather!

[GRUNTS]

Richard, aren't you going
to introduce us?

Oh, yeah. This is Derek.

It's a rare honor
to meet you, Sir.

You are a most august personage.

I am humbled.

Let go of my hand!

-Edward, we better get going.
-Yeah, we got to run.

Ah, Son, we'll call you as soon
as we get to Chicago.

-Okay? I love you.
-All right. Love ya.

Good-bye, Father.

-Bye, Rick.
-Bye.

Uh...

Miss Summers, I do not bite.

Of course not.

Miss Summers?

Chicago may be the windy city,
but when you arrive,

it'll be breathless.

So, guys, what are we
gonna do first, huh?

We?

Don't you have to check-in

with your parole officer
or something?

Bon mot, Richard.

Fortunately, my calendar is free
this afternoon.

Hence...

I have the opportunity to stay
and soak up

this man's greatness.

Young man...

others may be fooled
by your obsequious comments

and angelic appearance.

To me, you are as transparent
as Saran wrap.

I am?

Blow.

Right.

[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]

Well done.

So...

what do you want to do now?

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why not go to
Shallow Springs Grand Prix

and drive midget race cars?
Now, that's hot!

It's mildly tepid.

After sitting behind the wheel
of a real, full-size racing car.

-You've driven a real race car?
-Indeed I have.

I was land-speed campion
of the country.

In fact...

actually...

for a time there...

I was the world's fastest human.

I was known as
Lightning-Bolt Stratton.

What is it Richard?
What is the matter?

I sure wish I could drive.

You will. Be patient.

I am patient.

Could you teach me, today?

Well, no. You're below
the age limit. It's illegal.

Uh, not if we drive
on our own property.

-It's not illegal then.
-Nevertheless...

it's not a prudent thing to do.

Uh, please? I--

It would mean a lot for me
to be able to say,

"I learned from Lightning Bolt
Stratton, himself."

That would indeed
be a privilege, yes.

Then you'll teach me?

-What the hay! Yes!
-Right. The Mercedes is outside.

And I know where my dad
keeps the keys.

Good, now you step on
the starter and I'll crank.

Okay. [LAUGHS]

You're kidding, right?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-[KNOCKING]
-DEREK: Rick!

Hey, Rick!

[COUGHING]

Hello?

Anybody home?

Forgot my jacket.

Hey, Rick?

Rick!

Volume's down.

GRANDFATHER: Richard...

is your seat belt fastened?

RICKY: Check.

GRANDFATHER: Is your rear-view
mirror adjusted?

-RICKY: Check.
-All right, lad,

Start your engine.

[ENGINE REVVING]

GRANDFATHER: Oh.

Now into reverse and ease down
on the accelerator.

Reverse, Richard!
I said reverse!

Richard?

Are you all right?

-Ye-- yeah. Are you okay?
-I'm fine, I'm fine.

-[CAR DOOR SHUTS]
-Hey, guys?

Going my way?

I'm sorry, Grandfather.

I thought I was in reverse.
I-- I really did. Honest.

Well, let's put it this way.

-Yeah?
-You weren't.

When my dad sees this,
we're gonna be dead meat.

We're not dead meat.

By the time your father
gets back, that Mercedes

will be back in the garage
as good as new,

and that wall
will be a wall again. Hey,

hand me that duck.

-Who you calling?
-The automobile club.

Hello.

Yeah, I want you to send
a tow truck right--

What is my number?

My membership number?
Just a minute.

Zero, zero, zero...

dash.

Zero, zero, zero, zero, dash.

Zero, zero, four.

It's a silver Mercedes.

What is the license number?

-Oh, it's-- it's GONE.
-Well, look for it.

-No-no, it's-- it's GONE.
-Well, you haven't looked.

Sorry. License number is GONE.
Yes, I have looked for it.

So you send that tow truck,
right away.

1211 Pierce Avenue.

Yeah. The car's in the library.

Because I like it that way!

See, Richard? We were
in a little trouble there...

and we dealt with it calmly

and now we're home free.

EDWARD: Ricky? Father?

Also, we're dead meat.

-What a disaster.
-Huh?

First, the limo broke down.

Jenkins went to find
a gas station

and we grabbed a cab.
We got four blocks,

we heard on the radio
that it was snowing in Chicago,

and they've closed
O'Hare airport.

So we turned around
and drove back, just in time

to see three men
leaving the limo...

with its tires.

I got a feeling
it just isn't my day.

I've had days like that, Dad.

Well...

We're home now.

Thank goodness
Everything's back to normal.

Honey, you need to relax.
Why don't you go listen

to some nice soothing music.

-Hmm?
-That's a good idea.

-No!
-No!

Problem?

Uh...

Edward, why don't you
just sit there,

and you tell us
your favorite music,

and then Richard and I
will hum it for you?

Won't that be stimulating,
Richard?

Oh, I love it.

You like Beethoven?

-Yeah.
-[HUMS]

While you guys are humming...

I wanna kick off my shoes
and curl up with a good book.

-No.
-No.

Problem?

Uh...

-[SIGHS]
-Summers, I'm dreadfully hungry.

Would you have pity on a poor,
old bachelor

and give him
a little home cooking?

I understand
you're a gourmet cook?

Oh yeah.
She makes great Jell-O.

There's always room for Jell-O.

Kate. [CLEARS THROAT]

There's something fishy
going on here.

You got that feeling, too?

For some reason, those two
don't want us

to go in that room.

[EDWARD GROANS]

Uh, why don't I
go whip us up some Jell-O?

Guys...

let's talk.

Okay, but--

but before we do, I want you
to know something, Dad...

I love you.

Me, too!

Thanks, guys, for that...

unsolicited, spontaneous,
burst of warmth.

How did this happen?

Uh...

You won't believe this.

We were trying to find
a short cut to the living room.

Father, why did you try
to drive?

For the last 25 years,
you've had a chauffeur.

Yeah, but I've been watching him
very carefully.

And in my opinion...

this catastrophe
would not have occurred...

if that wall had been thicker.

Hold it.

Grandfather, I can't let you
take the rap for this.

Dad,
he wasn't driving the car...

I was.

You did this?

Yeah.

With my help.

I taught him to drive.

Those who can do...

those who can't teach.

I can't.

I taught.

We crashed.

I see.

Rick...

I would like
to have a private chat

with your grandfather.

Okay.

I'll be in the other room,

The room wit-- without the car.

Listen. This might help you.

There's a look that never fails.

Richard, I would not resort
to such tricks.

All right, Father.

Don't give me that look.
It's not gonna work.

It was worth a sh*t.

You know something, Father?

I've been waiting
for this moment...

all my life.

What are you talking about?

Many is the time
I've stood before you

and waited for you to lower
the boom on me.

Well, now,
the tables are turned.

At last, I'm the boomer...

and you're the boomee.

Go ahead. I have it coming.

Great!

All right! First of all...

It was dangerous to let that boy
drive that car.

That's right.

Second of all...

I should've checked
with you first.

That's right.

And third
and most important of all...

I've always said you were
too lenient with Richard.

And now, suddenly,
I turn around,

and I'm unforgivably
overindulgent with him.

That's right.

I have no excuse.

Go ahead.

You're right to be angry
with me. Lower the boom!

You said everything.

Am I excused?

Yes.

I'm sorry I had to be
so rough on you.

My gosh, you had it coming.

-Father.
-Yes?

Something I don't understand.

It was very nice of you,

to decide to try to teach Ricky
to drive

but when I was his age,
I asked you to teach me,

and you said, "No, no.

You'll have to wait until
you reach the legal age limit."

And when I did, you hired
somebody to teach me to drive.

Sure, it was A. J. Foyt...

but I sure
would've preferred you.

Father...

why will you do for Rick,
what you wouldn't do for me?

Edward,
let me explain something.

All the time
you were growing up,

I was afraid of spoiling you.

Now that
I'm Richard's grandfather,

I would give him everything
I have.

You see...

fathers have to say no.

Grandfathers get to say yes.

You know, I remember

when Grandpa Eddy would come
to our house to have dinner

and as usual,
you would say to me...

"There will be no dessert...

until you eat your vegetables."

And then when
you weren't looking...

Grandpa Eddy would eat
my Brussel sprouts for me.

You know, Edward,

in spite of all my best efforts,
I am mellowing.

We should spend
more time together.

And we should hang out.

I'd like that.

Why don't we start
by having dinner together.

Yeah.
And when Richard's not looking,

I'll eat your Brussel sprouts.

Where are Ricky and my father?

I think they're outside

admiring the repair job
on your Mercedes. I'll check.

GRANDFATHER: Richard,
this car looks as good as new.

RICKY: Yeah.

Let's celebrate by going to get
a hot fudge sundae.

GRANDFATHER:
Excellent idea, however...

this time, I will drive.

RICKY:
You bet. I learned my lesson.

[CAR DOORS SHUT]

Guys?

-Guys!
-[CAR ENGINE REVVING]

-Yo, guys!
-[ENGINE REVVING]

[KATE GRUNTS]

I thought I was in reverse.

-Well, look at it this way.
-Yes?

You weren't.

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons... ♪
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