02x10 - Rick the Greek

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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02x10 - Rick the Greek

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[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of Silver Spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two Silver Spoons together ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

-Hey, look. A buffalo nickel!
-Really? What's the date?

1937 D.

Rick, depending on its condition

that little baby
is worth 30 cents.

[EDWARD LAUGHS]

Edward, I hate
to keep interrupting

but we're supposed to be
at Bernard's by the bay.

You know how temperamental
Bernard is.

If you're ten minutes late,
he seats you in the bay.

Okay, hon.
Rick, I got to quit now.

-All right. All right.
-I'll see you later.

-Uh-oh.
-What?

-This nickel's no good.
-Why not?

Well, the buffalo's only got
three legs.

Ooh!

What's the matter, Dad?

Ooh!

It's a three-legged buffalo!

Kate,
it's a three-legged buffalo!

[LAUGHS]

Hmm. Well, maybe they're serving
his other leg

at Bernard's by the bay.

Rick...

this nickel...

is worth 150 dollars.

-Wow!
-[LAUGHS]

Look what it says here.

"Beware of removed leg."

I guess some greedy people
scraped one of the legs off

of a Four-Legged Buffalo nickel.

Those crumb-bums.

Don't worry, son.
This one's the real McCoy.

-Edward.
-Just a sec, hon.

Say, you look
absolutely ravishing.

Rick...

what would you say

is the condition of that nickel?

It could be a G. Good.

Uh-huh. Of course then again
it could go all the way up to...

E.F. Extra fine.

It... could even be a V.F.

-Very fine.
-Uh-huh.

Well, I'm T.O.

Ticked off.

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES] Hi, Rick.

Derek, why'd you come
through the window

instead of the door?

Oh, you see I'm practicing
in case I become a reporter

for the National Enquirer.

BOY: Help!

Who was that?

Uh, it's just Freddy.

Poor guy was climbing up
the trellis behind me.

Halfway up, he froze.

Poor guy. Maybe,
I better help him.

Hey, Fred!

-Yeah.
-There's a k*ller

German Shepherd
going for your leg! Watch out!

[FREDDY SCREAMING]

Derek, that was mean.

Oh, but extremely effective.

What are you guys doing here?

Rick, we're here to offer you
the opportunity of a lifetime.

Everybody knows that
you're the best

computer programmer
in the whole school,

-right, Freddy?
-Oh, oh yeah,

Rick's the best
in the whole town.

The whole country.

The whole world!
The whole galaxy!

That's enough, Freddy.

But you told me
to butter him up.

All right, Derek,
what's your scam?

Come here.

Now, I've managed to secure
the telephone number

of my dad's bookie.

Now, if your computer
can figure out

the right football teams
to bet on,

then we just call this guy
and place our bets.

We sit back
and watch the money roll in.

[CHUCKLES] Isn't that
a great idea, Rick?

-I don't like it.
-Me neither.

What's there not to like?

Well, betting, bookies.
All that's illegal.

Oh, that's the beauty of it.

Every dollar we win

comes right out of the pocket
of organized crime.

Gosh, Derek. I never would have
thought of that.

That's why there's hope
for you, Freddy.

Sorry, Derek.
You can count me out.

Although...

Yeah, buddy?

It would be a challenge.

It's an interesting
computer problem.

That's it. We're rich.

Derek, if I go along with this
how much would we bet?

Just a few bucks between us.

What do you say?

Well...

-maybe just once.
-All right!

[FRED PANTS]

I'll call up and get
this week's point spreads.

I'm still a little worried
about dealing with a bookie.

Just relax, Rick.

You've been watching
too many bad movies.

Telling you there's nothing
sleazy or sneaky

about this whole thing.

Hello, Trout?

Hey, this is...

the Eel.

Gentlemen, as you know,
over the last five weeks,

we have placed five bets
and we have won five bets.

Yay!

Guys, you haven't seen
anything yet.

Let me tell you
what I've planned

for this afternoon.

-The Jets are playing the Colts.
-[STATIC OVER TV]

[CHARGE THEME PLAYS]

RICK: Okay,
the point spread is--

Wait a minute.
I don't understand this

point spread thing.

Freddy, I've explained that
to you, now, every week.

So?

I'm gonna hurt him.

Listen, Freddy.
The Jets are playing the Colts.

The Jets
are three point favorites.

So, that means for us
to win our bet.

The Jets have to win
by at least four points.

But if the Colts know
they're gonna lose

by four points,

why don't they just stay at home

and watch a really good game
on TV.

-Freddy, the Colts--
-Forget it, Rick.

It's quicksand.
Get out while you can.

Anyway, my computer says,

that the Jets will win
by at least 17.

I mean, guys we've got
a golden opportunity here.

It's time to sh**t the works.

I say we bet a 100 bucks
on this one.

A 100 dollars?
We don't have a 100 dollars!

We will after we win.

I'm telling you.
There's no way we can lose.

So, what do you say?

Rick, have you ever heard
the expression,

"If it looks too good
to be true, it probably is"?

I haven't.

What have you heard of, Freddy?

Uh... [SIGHS]

"We do chicken right"?

Never mind.

Look, I'm sorry, Rick.

But I got a gut feeling
about this one.

It's poison.

-You can count me out.
-Yeah, me, too.

Yeah, well, my computer's

got a gut feeling
about it, too, Derek.

Oh, hello, Trout?

I want the Jets for 100 bucks.

[CHUCKLES] Oh. This is...

The Ricker. [CHUCKLES]

Tackle him! Tackle him!

Relax, son. You're using up
more energy than the players.

I can't help it, Dad. The Jets
just have to win this game!

It's in the bag, Rick.

There's only 40 seconds to go.
The Jets are up by two.

That's not enough, Dad.
They have to win by four.

O'clock.

Cause, uh, that's when
Revenge of the Giant Frog people

comes on.

Hey, don't fumble! The Jets
have the ball! [EXCLAIMS]

Thank you. Thank you.

All right, now all
the quarterback has to do

is run out the clock.
Fall down, Tom!

-No, don't tell him that!
-AUDIENCE: Ten...

-They gotta get a field goal.
-...nine, eight...

Where's the kicker?
Where's the kicker?

-[LAUGHS]
-Get up, get up!

I told you he's gotta run out
the clock.

-He's not getting up.
-...three...

-Get up.
-...two, one!

-[EDWARD SCREAMS]
-And it's over. We won, Yay!

[CHEERING OVER TV]

EDWARD: All right!

Whoa!

You know, I almost made a bet
with Jenkins on this game.

Sure glad I didn't.
I would've been out a buck.

[COINS CLATTERING]

I'm sorry, Bernie.

Rick, what are you doing?

-Uh, well I just, uh...
-I know.

Looking for more coins
for our collection, aren't you?

Well, I can certainly use coins,
Dad.

And lots of them.

Well, it's great to see
that you're so interested

in our hobby, son.

It is something
we can do together.

Makes me feel very close to you.

Does it make you feel like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm glad
you're so into it.

Well, I'm off.
I've got a board meeting

-at Eddie toys. I'll see you.
-Bye.

Derek.

Amazing, sir.

How could you possibly
have known

that I was about to knock?

He didn't.

If he had he wouldn't have
opened the door at all.

Oh, sir, please say it isn't so.

It...

It's getting awfully late.
I'll see you boys.

[COINS CLATTERING]

How's it going, Rick?

Oh, Derek, go chase yourself.

Oh, you're upset.
And I don't blame you.

After all you did ignore
my timely advice

and went ahead
and made a foolish bet.

It's only natural the irritation
be reflected upon me,

the one who knew
when to get out.

You're right, Derek.
You did know when to get out.

Let's see,
if you can do it again.

Oh, testy.

I'd be happy to loan you
some money,

but, uh, I spent it all
on this new camera.

In fact,
it's the very same camera

that you wanted to buy.

Ironic, huh?

Derek, millions of years ago,

mankind crawled
out of the slime.

Do you want to join the party?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Oh.

Hi, Trout. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

How's it going?
And how's Mrs. Trout?

I got to hear this.

TROUT: Listen, uh, Stratton...

I been real patient with you...

cause you're a valued customer
and a youth.

I appreciate that, sir.

Good.

I just don't have
the money, yet.

Uh-oh.

Now I'm afraid the,
uh, conversation

segues to the subject
of your health.

My...

health?

Yeah. You leave me
no alternative

but to, uh,
send my vice president

in charge of collecting,

A gentleman by the name
of "Pain".

Ouch.

Is that "Paine"
like in Thomas Paine?

No that's "Pain",
like in excruciating pain.

Hey, listen, buddy, you don't
scare my friend here, Rick.

Oh, yes, you do.

Listen, Rick,
he can't do anything to you.

Legally that bet
can't be collected

cause gambling's
against the law.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

If I may interject.

Laws are like bones.
They're made to be broken.

Just don't help me.

Uh...

Mr. Trout, sir. There's...

no need to send Mr. Pain, sir.

I just need a few more days

to get the money I owe you.

-Sir?
-Well, I'm in a generous mood.

I'll give you an hour.

An hour? But--

[LINE DISCONNECTS]

Oh, man. I'm in big trouble.

Yeah.

Hey, Rick.

Derek, what are you doing?

Oh, this will give
the plastic surgeons

something to work with.

[CLATTERING]

I'm sorry, Mr. Buffalo.

It's either your leg or mine.

-Son?
-Uh, yeah, Dad?

What were you doing
sitting in the dark?

Well, I guess I'm just feeling
a little down, that's all.

You know how puberty is.

It's an emotional
roller coaster, Dad.

Well, I got something
that will cheer you up.

We received in today's mail
from the United States Mint...

our long awaited...

[IMITATES TRUMPET]
...proof sets!

Hey, come on, let's see a smile.

Hey, come on. Let's look
at these babies, huh?

[SIGHS]

Just think, Rick.

These coins have
never been touched

by human hands.
[LAUGHS]

And over the years,
the value of these coins

is going to skyrocket.

That's... really great.

You know what I'd like us
to look at right now?

What?

The star of our collection,
the Three-Legged Buffalo nickel.

No!

Why not?

Dad, you-- you don't look
at a coin like that every day.

-You don't?
-Heck, no!

You don't appreciate it as much.

If you look at
the Three-Legged Buffalo nickel

once a year, you'll go...

wow!

If you look at it every day,
you'll just go...

Meh.

Son, I understand
what you're saying,

but believe me
I'm never gonna get tired

looking at this little honey.

Oh...

there it is.

How is old Mr. Three legs?

Looks great.

[EXHALES]

You know what I love
about this nickel?

Who knows where it's been?

Could've been kicking around
for years...

from sleazy bar, phone booth...

gumball machine.

Poor fellow could've spent years
trapped inside some...

dark and lonely sofa.

But, now we've given it a home.

Doesn't that make you feel good?

Yeah.

You know, I know this may sound
a little corny, but I guess

what's really special
about this nickel

to me is that...

you and I discovered
it together.

Doesn't that choke you up
a little bit?

Yeah.

Hey, let's not get carried away.

Dad, that's not our
Three-Legged Buffalo nickel.

It's a Four-Legged Buffalo
nickel.

I gave it a legotomy.

What?

I said, I took a file
and scraped one of the legs off.

Dad, I've been betting
on football games with a bookie.

A bookie?

And I had a big bet
on that Jets game.

And I lost a hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars!

So, I sold
our Three-Legged Buffalo nickel

to a coin dealer
and then I paid off the bookie.

Cause if I didn't,
he was gonna send a big guy

who was gonna turn me
into Kibbles 'n Bits.

Well, Rick. Why didn't you
come to me first

before you stole our nickel?

In my mind
I was just borrowing it, Dad.

See, I planned to save up
and then I'd buy it back

from the coin dealer
and then I'd switch it

with the fake buffalo nickel

and you'd never know
what happened.

[EXHALES]
All right, just calm down.

-I am calm.
-I'm talking to me!

Uh-oh.

All right. First of all...

you might have been able
to execute

this nefarious plan of yours.

You actually might
just have gotten away with it.

So...

I'm darned proud that
you admitted to me what you did.

That is a point in my favor.

However...

Uh-oh.

What you did
was very, very wrong.

One, you gambled.

Two, you gambled with a bookie.

Three, you gambled more
than you could afford to lose.

Four, you stole.

And five,
you tried to cover it up.

The fact that you did
all those things

makes me pretty darned angry.

I don't blame you, Dad.

Ever since I switched
those coins,

I've been feeling like...

pig dirt.

That's an accurate, yet,
colorful description of guilt.

I hate feeling guilty...

cause once you start
feeling guilty,

it doesn't go away.

It doesn't let you
have a good time.

Like at dessert tonight,
I found myself thinking...

"I don't deserve
this boysenberry pie.

I'm a low-down, father-fooling,
buffalo leg-scraper."

I'm sorry, Dad.

I'm really sorry.

Well...

you'll have gotten something
out of all this.

The next time you start
to do something

you know is wrong, you stop.

Remember what you feel like,
right now.

Don't worry, Dad. I never want
to feel like this again.

From now on, I'm going straight.

Good.

Tomorrow morning,
I'm going down

and buy back our nickel.

If it's still there
and then you...

are gonna pay me back.

Okay.

I'll make a list of chores
you can do around the house

and I'll credit you two dollars
an hour.

Okay.

All right.

Well, you better get ready
for bed

you got a lot of work
ahead of you tomorrow.

Dad.

Yeah, Rick.

Is it too early
to ask for a raise?

♪ Together
We're going to find our way ♪

♪ Together
Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about
Those things ♪

♪ You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two Silver Spoons... ♪
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