02x11 - Uneasy Rider

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

-Hi, Kate.
-Hi, Kate.

Hi guys! How was the Motocross?

-[EXHALES DEEPLY]
-Well, Kate...

[MIMICKING BIKE SOUND] Sunday,
Sunday, Sunday!

It was the Superbowl
of Motocross!

With a highest single mountain
of indoor dirt

ever seen in the entire history
of the world.

-Humongous!
-Incredible!

-Awesome!
-With the meanest, toughest,

fastest bunch of Motocross
riders ever

-assembled on one track!
-Big Billy Bob.

-Mean Man McGhoul.
-And k*ller King Kong.

Tell me, Big Billy Bob,

how do you feel about
challenging, k*ller King Kong?

He's dead meat, he's dead meat.

What do you say to that,
k*ller King Kong?

I'm gonna tear him apart...

limb from chicken limb.

As you can see folks, it's gonna
be the battle of the century!

-A duel to the death.
-The biggest, baddest

Motocross of all time!
And it happens this--

-Sunday!
-Sunday!

You had fun?

-A little.
-It was all right.

Kate, Dad and I are gonna get
our own dirt bikes.

Oh, now, Son. I said I'll think
about that, okay?

But, right now it's time for you
to go up and get

in a coat and tie.
'Cause I think

your mom's about to pick you up.

Aw, a tie?

Rick, your mother's taking you
to Bernard's By the Bay.

And they have a proper
attirement requirement.

I don't like Bernard's
By the Bay, Dad!

Fourteen bucks for a hamburger.

And that doesn't even come
with a bun.

The last time I was there,
I asked the waiter

for some ketchup.

And he looked at me like
I just sh*t his dog.

Well, you see, Son. Your
mother's philosophically opposed

to eating at any place that
doesn't have Valet parking.

-You gotta get a move on.
-Okay...

But, maybe while I'm with Mom
next week,

you can think some more about
the one, the only,

the most amazing Motocross trail
in the Stratton backyard.

-Humongous!
-Incredible!

-Awesome!
-EDWARD: Yippee.

Oh...

-He's such an energetic boy.
-Yeah.

He's at that carefree,
fun-loving, fragile age.

Does the use of the word
"fragile" here

indicate an attitude?

No. An opinion.

And in my opinion, motorcycles
are very dangerous.

I agree on the streets, Kate.

We're gonna be using them off
the highway in the country.

Yeah, but they're still
dangerous.

When I was 14,

my cousin was riding his
dirt bike through the woods.

He hit a log,
flew off his cycle,

and broke his neck.

He was paralyzed for life.

Dad, I know what colors I want
my motorcycle to be.

Candy apple red with a white
racing stripe.

Son, your tie's
the wrong length.

If you wear it the same way
all the time, it gets boring.

Yeah, well, your mother's
a stickler for tradition.

Now, here.

You know what would be great?

If our motorcycles matched.

So, why don't you get
a white one

-with a red racing stripe.
-Well, Son, I--

What do you think, Kate?

I think...

-I'd better not get involved.
-I-- I-- I understand.

She's a girl.

I know, and I'm real glad.

Listen, Son, uh...

Kate mentioned to me that her
cousin was injured

on a dirt bike.

And on further consideration...
[DEEPLY EXHALES]

...I don't think we should
get them.

They're too dangerous.

That's not true, Dad.

It's the people who fall
off the motorcycles

that get all the publicity.

You never hear about the guys
that managed to stay on.

-Son--
-Dad, you promised.

I did not promise I said
I'd think about it, and I have.

They're too dangerous.
Right, Kate?

Uh...

I think I'll let you two
talk this out.

I'm going to go into the library
and, uh...

be there.

Dad, I've got to be honest here.

If you're not gonna
get a dirt bike...

I just can't see what reason
there is to go on.

Don't you think you might be
being a little bit dramatic?

I know what's going on here.

You're caving
into girlfriend pressure.

Now you just wait a minute.

Can you look me straight
in the eye...

and tell me that not letting me
have a dirt bike

has nothing to do with
what Kate wants?

It has nothing to do
with what Kate wants.

Okay.

Now can you look me straight
in the eye

and tell me it has nothing
to do with what Kate wants.

And then say lamb chop
three times without smiling.

It has nothing to do
with what Kate wants.

Lamb chop.

Lamb chop.

Lamb chop.

[CLEARS THROAT]
You started to smile
on that last one.

Rick, the bottom line here

is I don't want you to have
a dirt bike

because I don't want you
to get hurt.

[CHOKING]

I'm sorry.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

-Mom!
-Richard.

-Oh, hi.
-How are you?

Good.

-Edward?
-Evelyn.

[SMOOCHES]

You, uh...

-You look terrific, Mom.
-Well, thank you, dear.

You have wonderful taste.

Who tied this tie?
It's abominable.

I did.

Of course.

So, Edward. How are things...
here in the magic kingdom?

Never better, Evelyn, and what
have you been up to?

Oh, I've just been to Spain

at the invitation
of King Juan Carlos'.

And you?

Oh, I've just subscribed
to popular mechanics

at the invitation
of Publisher's clearinghouse.

-Richard, get your suitcase.
-Okay, Ma.

So... [SIGHS]

Uh, so...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

-Nice weather.
-Nice weather.

Where is your girlfriend,
Edward?

-In the library.
-Ah!

Reading How to Marry
a Millionaire?

Evelyn...

Sorry. That was catty.

I'm just glad she reads.

I'm ready.

Boy, I can't wait to get
to Bernard's By the Bay.

And have some of that great
lemon soup.

[CHUCKLES]
Those are finger bowls, dear.

I know, Mom. That was a joke.

Oh. [CHUCKLING] Ah, yes.

Goodbye, Edward.

Rick, aren't you gonna
say goodbye to Kate?

Got to go.

Hey, Son...

You're going to be gone
a whole week.

Don't I get a hug?

[SMOOCHES]

And this is a picture of my Gram
and Gramps.

That's nice, Kate.

And this is a picture
of my cat, Fluffy.

That's nice, Kate.

And this is a picture of my
Uncle Fanauk from Venus.

He has three heads.

That's nice, Kate.

Edward, I know you miss Ricky...

-[SIGHS]
-...but he's due back tonight.

Hmm. I just hope
he's not still mad at me

'cause I wouldn't let him
have a motorcycle.

Oh, Edward.

You're the kind of man
who's sensitive

to the feelings of everyone
around them.

-[CHUCKLES]
-And I love you for that.

-Thank you.
-Mm.

[KNOCKING] Hello.

Evelyn!

Yeah, we-- we were just...

Well, we were just...

Where's Ricky?

-He'll be right in.
-Ah! Good. Good. Good.

-[KATE SIGHS]
-[CHUCKLES] Well.

-[CLEARS THROAT]
-Ahem.

Evelyn, you've met Kate.
Kate, you've met Evelyn.

-We've met.
-We've met.

Good.

Oh, Richard has a surprise
for you, Edward, outside.

-Surprise for me?
-Mm-hmm.

Guess if he has a surprise
for me,

he's not still mad at me.
[LAUGHS]

EVELYN: Come on.

[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS]

Ricky!

Ricky, you get in here
right now!

[ENGINE REVVING]

Isn't it outrageous, Dad?

You could use that word.

Do you believe this?

Uh...

Library, again.

Evelyn, you bought this for him?

Yes. Is something wrong?

I realize you guys
want to have a nice talk.

So I'm just gonna go upstairs
and...

read the safety manual.

I'm not leaving this house

till I've committed it
to memory.

And Dad...

let me leave you with
this thought...

I love this bike.

It's the greatest thing
in the world...

next to you.

And, uh, anytime you want
to borrow it, it's yours.

But be sure to wear your helmet.

'Cause I know I will.

What a Mom.

[CHUCKLES] What a Dad.

I am blessed.

Dad?

This is one happy guy.

Remember that feeling.

Evelyn...

Why did you buy him
a motorcycle?

Well, he said you were planning
to get him one,

so I thought the nice thing
to do

would be, to b*at you to it.

I specifically told Ricky that
he couldn't have a motorcycle

because they're too dangerous.

He played both ends
against the middle here

and manipulated you
into getting him one.

I was not manipulated.

People do not manipulate me.

I have never been manipulated
in my life.

[WHISPERING]
Why, that little rat!

Evelyn, I know that
we're divorced

but, we're still
Ricky's parents.

And I think when one
of us makes a decision,

the other one should back
him up. Agreed?

-Agreed.
-All right. Shake.

I better go up and have this out
with Ricky.

Okay-- Uh, Edward, I need
a phone.

I refuse to speak into a duck.

Suit yourself.

Yes?

I need to use a phone,
Miss Sombers.

-Oh, that's Summers.
-Right.

The phone is right here.

That's a fish.

It's a fish phone.

I'll use the phone in the limo.

Suit yourself.

If there's anything else
you need.

Miss Simmers.

-That's Summers.
-Right. [CHUCKLES]

Richard has been talking
to me about you,

and that got me to thinking.

It must be a bit
uncomfortable for you

being in love with a man
who has a teenage boy.

Oh, not at all. [CHUCKLES]
Ricky's terrific.

He-- he's bright,
he's sensitive, he's--

My son.

I know that,

and I would never try
to replace you.

Good.

Evelyn?

Yes.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

This is an awkward situation
for both of us.

We happen to be two women
who are--

Or were in love
with the same man.

-Can't we be friends?
-[CLICKS TONGUE, CHUCKLES] No.

I didn't think so.

We have to talk, Son.

Okay.

-Now, Son, look--
-Dad, I just want to thank you

again for understanding
about the bike.

-That's what I wanna talk--
-Did Mom tell you how I lit up

when I saw it?

It wasn't just my normal...

It was...

See I-- I know you're worried
about accidents,

but I got the best helmet
on the market.

-Nothing is safer than this.
-Rick, you are in big trouble.

Rick's not home right now.
May I take a message?

Son, now, quit joking around.

This is serious.

Now, why didn't you tell
your mother

that I disapproved
of the motorcycle?

Uh...

I forgot?

Can't you do a little better
than that?

Uh, well...

[SIGHS] Maybe...

I guess I can't.

The motorcycle is going back.

-Dad!
-Son. Sit down.

Now, what you did was dishonest.

You used your mother
to get what you wanted,

even though you knew
I didn't want you to have it.

And that was wrong.

Son, I hate to say this...

but I'm very disappointed
in you.

Dad?

I'm disappointed in you, too!

Oh?

Yeah.

You let Kate tell you
what to do!

You were just as excited as me
when I-- When we said

we were gonna get dirt bikes.

And then
Kate opens her big mouth

-and says they're dangerous.
-Now, you watch your mouth.

Kate did give me her opinion,
but I made the decision.

But, you would've made
that decision

if she hadn't butted in!

Now, that's enough about Kate.

Edward, do you mind
if I have a talk with Ricky?

No, I think that might be
a good idea.

Do you mind, Ricky?

I don't guess I have a choice.

Lincoln didn't free
the teenagers.

Ricky.

-Ricky, I know you blame--
-Give me a break, Kate!

After all you've done, can't you
just leave me alone.

-I want us to talk this out--
-There's nothing to talk about!

Me and my Dad were all set
to get our dirt bikes.

Then you come up with this
bummer story

about your relative.

And the next thing I know,
I'm right back on my Schwinn.

All I was trying to do--

You were trying to act
like my mother...

And you're not my mother!

Ricky...

Your father and I are...
involved right now...

and-- and it's a tough situation
for all of us.

You're not sure where I fit in.

And to tell you the truth,
I'm not sure, either.

Now, I'm not trying
to be your mother...

but I am trying
to be your friend.

Now, the way I look at it...

friends care about each other...

don't they?

Don't they?

In some countries.

Remember a couple
of months ago

when it was raining real hard,

and I came to work
soaking wet?

Sort of.

Well, you were real worried
about me.

You brought me some
towels and some hot soup.

Yeah, but I tripped and spilled
the soup all over you.

True, but you brought me some
more towels,

and some more hot soup,
and some Bactine.

Now, that's the kind of thing
that a friend would do...

don't you think?

I guess so.

But if you're my friend,

then how come you stopped me
from getting a motorcycle?

I really wanted it.

Because a real friend
doesn't just tell you the things

that you want to hear.

I worry about your having
an accident on that motorcycle.

And I will not apologize
for worrying about you.

Because I love you.

[SIGHS]

Well, I-- I just wanted
to tell you how I feel.

Kate?

Yes?

I love you, too.

I'm sorry, Dad.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You conned me young man.

Now what do you have
to say for yourself?

I'm sorry, Mom.

I'll never do it again.

If I do,

you can tie one end
of a rope to me

and the other end
to a smelly camel

and then you can drag me across
the Gobi Desert

until my body swells up
and my tongue turns black.

What I'll do
is cut off your allowance.

Whoa! That's rough!

Well, Son... [SIGHS]

...let's take back
the dirt bike.

Okay...

But, before we do,
there's just one thing.

Mom...

Dad...

Kate...

I care a lot about all of you
and...

It would make me feel a whole
lot better if we could

all just get along.

So, you think there's
a chance that we could all just

spend some time together?

ALL: No.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons ♪