02x22 - Hi, Mom

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[SIGHS]

Get yourself some new batteries.

And stay away from the scotch.

Hey, what's the haps?

Hey, where'd you get
those clothes?

Let me guess. There was
a terrible expl*si*n

just as you walked by
the Crayola factory.

Come on, Dad.

-It's Freaky Friday.
-Oh, yeah. Gosh,

it's hard to keep track
of these days.

Here I thought it was
Thilly Thursday.

[CHUCKLES]
What is Freaky Friday?

Well, you see, on the last
Friday of each month,

we're allowed to go to school
dressed as bizarre as we want.

Our principal says
it's a good way

to encourage teenage
individuality.

Aha! What made you decide
on this outfit?

Ah, it's what all the kids
are wearing. Huh!

Hey, Rick, now that you're here,
tell Kate

about the phone call
we got this morning.

Okay. Your mom called
from Columbus.

-You talked to my mother?
-Uh, sure. We both did.

Uh, guys, that was
a personal call. It was for me.

Why did you answer the phone?

Kate, we live here.

When the phone rings,
we answer it.

Kinda like a habit.

[CHUCKLES] Listen, Edward, uh,
I need to know something.

Did you in any way

give my mother the impression
that you and I

have anything other than
a-- a business relationship?

No.

But she already knows
we're involved, doesn't she?

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Doesn't she?

Sorta.

Sorta yes or sorta no?

Sorta... no.

Well, why haven't you told her?

Oh, Ricky, I'm sure
there are some things

you don't tell your father,
right?

Huh, no, I tell him everything.

-Everything?
-[SCOFFS] Absolutely everything.

Well, what about the time
you snuck out of the house

-at midnight and--
-Shh!

Honey, there's something
I don't understand here.

Why-- why haven't you told
your mother about us?

You're going to tell me
where you went young man.

Seems to me, you would have told
your mother about us by now.

I don't like this sneaking out
of the house business.

Not one bit, I don't like it.

Must be some reason you
haven't you told her about us?

And If it happens again,
you're grounded, buster.

What is it? you're ashamed
of me? I'd like some answers.

-No. No, I'm not...
-See, Dad, it was Halloween.

-...ashamed of you...
-And a bunch of the guys...

-[INDISTINCT TALKING]
-Rick! Rick! Rick!

Can't you see
I'm talking to Kate, here?

Please.

-Edward, I'm not ashamed of you.
-Well, good.

Honey, you ashamed
of your mother?

No. I-- it's just that

I don't want her
to meet anybody...

I've ever met.

That's interesting.

Well, she embarrasses me.
She brags about me.

She tells stories
about my childhood.

She always trots out
the old shoe story.

Uh, what shoe story?

[SIGHS] Never-- never mind.
It's embarrassing.

It's awful. I'm sick of it.

-I hate it!
-Okay, okay, honey.

But what she's good at,
what she's really best at...

is meddling in my love life.

Uh, well, what does she do?

Well, she advises, and consults,

and pushes, and strains,
and slashes, rips,

-and mutilates!
-Easy, easy.

-Should I get a damp cloth?
-[CHUCKLES]

When my science teacher
gets like that,

she takes a swig out
of her special beaker.

Edward, i-- if my mother knew
that you and I were involved,

she'd immediately push us
to get married.

I mean she'd put us both
on the spot.

Can we just ask her to back off?

That wouldn't work.
She's an att*ck mom.

Look, guys, don't get me wrong.

I mean, I-- I-- I--
I don't want you to get

the wrong impression.
I love my mother.

In Columbus, Ohio,
I love my mother.

Well, Rick. Knowing how Kate
feels about her mom,

kind of puts a damper
on our surprise, doesn't it?

[EXHALES] Yeah, it sure does.

[EDWARD SIGHS]

-What surprise?
-[DOORBELL RINGS]

Your mother's here.

-What?
-Well, actually,

it's her surprise. She thought
it'd be nice just

-to pop in on you [CHUCKLES]
-Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] Sounds just like her.
-[SIGHS]

And you probably thought
it was a great idea.

Sure, then.

-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-Uh,

listen if we don't answer
the door,

maybe she'll just go back
to Columbus.

[SIGHS]

Uh...

Look, Edward, um,
this is very important.

I want my mother to think

that our relationship
is strictly business, all right?

All right. If that's the way
you want it.

The minute that door opens,
I'll just be...

The boss.

And I'll be...

The boss' son.

Oh, thanks, guys.

Uh... [SIGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

-Katie!
-Mom!

What a surprise! [CHUCKLES]

-Oh!
-[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, honey,
I missed you so much.

I just can't stand
to be so far away from you.

I know, I know. [CHUCKLES]

Come on in. I'd like you to meet
my boss.

Uh, Mother, this is
Mr. Edward Stratton III.

Sir, this is my mother,
Marjorie Summers.

I'm glad to meet you,
Mrs. Summers.

How do you do, Mr. Stratton?

Oh, is he a hunk!

How do you get anything done
around here?

[CHUCKLES] Mother, please.

[GASPS] Oh, and this must
be Ricky.

-Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
-Hey, nice threads.

Right back at you, Mrs. Summers.

Make a deal. Call me Marge,

and I'll give you the present
I brought for ya.

It's a deal, Marge.

A videotape?

-Dad, it's Thriller!
-Hey.

-You like Michael Jackson?
-Ah, do I like Michael Jackson?

Ow!

Ow!

It's teenage for "yes."

It's also my way of saying
I hurt myself.

Uh, this is an awesome present.

-Thanks forever.
-Well, you are welcome forever.

Well, Mom, our business
is done here for the day.

Why don't we go back
to my apartment?

Wait a minute. Where's the fire?
I just got here.

I want to get acquainted
with your boss, that is,

if you're not too busy,
Mr. Stratton?

Not at all, Marge.

-Please sit down.
-Thank you.

And, uh,
please call me Edward.

All right. Edward.

-[SIGHS]
-Miss Summers.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Stratton.

So, how's my Katie doing
in the business world?

Terrific. She's efficient.
She's organized.

She's
an excellent administrator.

She's a totally together woman.

Well, how nice of you
to say that.

I've always been so proud
of her.

-She was such a creative child.
-Oh, Mom. [CHUCKLES]

She ever told you
the shoe story?

Mom, not the shoe story.

Would you like to hear
the shoe story?

Well... when Katie was about
five years old, see,

we all piled in
the station wagon,

zoomed off to visit
the relatives in Omaha.

Somewhere along the highway,
Katie got bored,

so she took off her shoe
and threw it out the window.

[ALL LAUGH]

Oh, see, we didn't realize this
until we got to this rest area.

Then we saw her hopping off
on one foot to the bathroom.

[LAUGHS TEASINGLY] Oh,

I tell you her father had a fit!
He just ranted and raved and...

Oh, Katie just didn't understand
what all the fuss was about.

She said, "Well, Daddy,
it's no problem.

-[MOUTHS]
-MARGE: We can just pick up

-that shoe on the way home."
-[ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY]

Oh, dude, next time we drive
somewhere together,

you'll have to give me
your shoes first.

Marge, I'll tell you what,
let's go get a bite to eat

-and it'll be on me, okay?
-No!

Uh, Mom, why don't we go back
to my apartment,

-get you settled in?
-Oh,

there's plenty of time for that.

Listen, we don't have to go out,
Eddie, uh,

just point me towards
the ladies' room,

I'll fix my face and I'll just
kinda amble into the kitchen

-and whip something together.
-Terrific.

Just go right through that arch
there,

it's your first door
on the left.

-I'm off!
-[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Oh, and Ricky, after we eat,

you can show me some
of those dance steps.

Ow!

-Kate, your mother's wonderful!
-Yeah, she's a blast!

Don't you dare talk
about my mother like that.

[TRAIN HORN HONKS]

Last stop, living room.
Everybody off.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-MARGE: Whoo! I did it.
-EDWARD: Ah!

-[RICK CHUCKLES]
-[MARGE SIGHS]

Marge, that was the best
meatloaf I've ever tasted.

Why, thank you.

I like the way you baked it

to make it look like
Mount Rushmore.

Although it felt strange to pour
ketchup on George Washington.

[LAUGHS] Oh, Eddie,

-this is a lovely home.
-Well, thank you.

You know, I just recently became

-a real estate broker.
-You did?

Lis-- If you ever decide to move
to Columbus, look me up.

Well, of course
we don't have any houses

this big in that area, but, uh,
I could put you into a Kmart.

-[MARGE LAUGHS]
-I'll keep that in mind.

Hey, Kate, you should've joined
us on the train, honey.

Honey?

Uh, y-- yeah, honey. Yeah,
that's, kind of a nickname.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Yeah, yeah. See what happened
was, um...

Uh... Oh! I remember.

Yeah, uh, uh, Kate came to work
one day eating a piece of toast.

And s-- on the toast was honey.
[CHUCKLES]

Now, of course everybody calls
her Honey.

Mr. Stratton, do you think
this would be a good time

-to serve the coffee?
-Good idea. Good idea.

Uh, bye, Honey.

Hey, Rick... [CLEARS THROAT]
...what do you say

you and I chew the fat, hmm?

Uh, okay,
which fat should we chew?

Well, um...

you know my daughter's
just crazy about you?

I mean, all the letters
she writes to me,

she just goes on about
how terrific you are.

Uh, that's nice.

It's a-- it's a little odd that
she never mentions your father.

-Odd?
-Well, I mean

she spends so much time
around him, you know?

A lot more
than she does around you,

and yet she never writes
about him. [SIGHS]

I wonder why.

Uh, well, it-- it's probably
because me and Kate are friends.

But her and my dad, they just
have a business relationship.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
And-- and that's all they have.

Nothing personal going on there.

No siree, Bob.

Nope. [STIFLED LAUGHTER]

Boy, it's hot in here.

Am I making you uncomfortable?

A little, yeah. [CHUCKLES]

I'm sorry.
Let's change the subject.

Hmm, thanks. Uh, I mean,
good idea. [SIGHS]

You're just so adorable.

Bet you were a cute baby.

My dad thinks so.

I think I look like
a drooling prune.

[LAUGHS]

-Well, you got any pictures?
-Sure. Want to see them?

Sure.

Okay, but you have to promise
not to look at the ones

of me in my bassinet.
They're X-rated.

It's a deal.

Ah! There's me
in the hospital nursery.

[GASPS]

My, you are certainly wearing
a big smile.

Uh, no.

That's my head.

Uh, I see what you mean.

Uh, huh, Mar-- Marge,
what are you looking for?

Oh, I'm just looking
for some pictures

-of your father and my Katie.
-Marge, I-- Marge. Marge!

Aha! There it is.

Your father is kissing my Katie.

Oh, I knew there was
something going on.

Times like these are made
for taster's choice.

There they are, the love birds.

I-- it's not my fault.
She tricked me.

I've been bamboozled!

Well... [SIGHS] ...I for one
am glad it's out in the open.

Marge, I'm nuts
about your daughter,

she's nuts about me.

Katie, oh, I'm so happy
for you. Oh.

Oh! This is such wonderful
news! I--

[BREATHES EXCITEDLY] Oh!

[CLEARS THROAT] So...

-When's the big event?
-[EDWARD CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I beg your pardon?

Well, you know what
I'm talking about, the wedding!

The wedding, Marge?

Don't call me Marge.

Call me Mom.

Mom?

Mother, please.

Am I making you uncomfortable?

-[EXHALES SHARPLY] Little.
-I'm sorry.

-Let's change the subject.
-Okay! [CHUCKLES]

Watch out, Dad.

This changing the subject stuff
is a trap.

She'll let you think
you're safe,

then all of a sudden, blammo.

Right between the eyes.

Listen, you two,

if we start
preparations right now,

there's still time
for a June wedding.

Oh, oh,
wouldn't that be perfect?

Kate, honey, is there anything
you'd like to say here?

Please.

Maybe I ought to speak
to my mother alone.

You should.
That's excellent thinking.

Come on, Rick. Ah!

If you want me,
I'll be in the liberty.

Ha, liberty. [SCOFFS]
I mean the library.

Honey, is there something wrong?

Yes, Mother. [SIGHS]

-You're meddling again.
-Oh, Katie.

Is it meddling to want to see
my daughter married

before I drop dead?

Mother, you're as healthy
as a horse.

Sure, now. But who knows
about tomorrow?

I could be standing right here
in this living room

and get hit by a train.

I just want to meet your hubby
before I meet my maker.

Mom, your maker is in no hurry
to meet you.

He's probably afraid
that you'll try

to fix him up with somebody.

Now look, you've had four
long-term relationships.

And you haven't made it
to the altar yet.

So?

So, let me put it
in real estate terms.

You've been in escrow
four times

and you haven't once closed.

You don't get married
pretty soon,

you're going
to be a fixer-upper.

Mother, I am not a piece
of real estate.

You can't hang flags
and banners on me

with a sign saying
"Priced to sell."

This property is for sale
by owner only.

-Now dear, you're getting upset.
-You bet I'm getting upset.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Look, haven't you wondered

why I've tried to keep
my relationship with Edward

a secret from you?

Well, yes,
now that you mention it.

Well, it's because I knew

you'd waltz right in
and-- and mess things up.

Just like you've always
done before.

Wha-- what are you talking
about?

I am always saying,
"Back off. Stop meddling."

And you always say,
"Calm down, Katie."

And-- and I let it go.

Well, this time
I am not letting it go.

This is my life, Mother.

And if the way
I handle my life bothers you,

then maybe you shouldn't be
a part of it.

I see.

Well, I... [CLEARS THROAT]
...you know,

I was just trying to help. I...

I just want you to be happy,
Katie.

I love you.

[EXHALES]

The last thing that I wanted
to do was to make you mad at me.

Oh... Mom.

-I'm not mad at you.
-[SNIFFLES]

-You're not?
-Well, actually I am.

But I'll get over it...

provided we come
to an understanding.

What?

Look, uh, I know that Edward
loves me

every bit as much as I love him.

But, uh, his first marriage
didn't work out,

and-- and, well, he's a little
reluctant to try again.

So, if we get married,

I want it to be
because we really want to,

not because my mommy
made us.

Okay?

Okay.

Hey, guys...

-everything okay?
-[MARGE CLEARS THROAT]

Just hunky-dory.

Edward, I-- [SIGHS]

I'm sorry
if I came on too strong.

Your relationship with
my daughter is your business.

Not mine.

Thank you, Marge.

[SIGHS]

Let's go to my apartment and,
uh, we can talk some more.

-Oh, honey, I'd love that.
-Yes.

-Goodbye, Edward.
-Goodbye.

-Goodbye, Ricky.
-Goodbye, Marge.

Call me Grandma.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons... ♪