02x27 - The Man from Spain

[bunniefuu]

( dramatic theme playing)

Who is Señor Basilio?

BASILIO: Who am I, señor?

I am the king's
special emissary.

His personal representative

newly arrived from Madrid.

Oh, if we'd only known
you were due, Excellency...

I-I mean, if you'd
given us warning...

That is precisely what
I did not wish to do.

Sergeant, you
disgrace your uniform.

Do you realize
that we're at w*r?

w*r, Excellency?

France. England.

The Netherlands.

Oh, that w*r. I...

The mother country
has her back to the wall,

and you're carousing.

You should be
tightening your belt.

(announcer reading
on-screen text)

( upbeat theme playing)

(tapping glass)

My good friends,

you know, there should
always be laughter and mirth.

Especially on the
day of your birth.

Why, this is the day of the year

when all of your
friends are near.

♪ So break your piñata ♪

♪ To see what they Brought ya ♪

♪ It's the happiest day ♪

♪ Of the year ♪

(all singing in Spanish)

♪ It's the happiest day ♪
(tapping glass)

♪ Of the year ♪

(all cheering)

DIEGO: Bravo.

And now for the big surprise.

Surprise? Can there
be any bigger surprise

than your birthday
celebration for me?

Your birthday piñata.

Ah.

Now you must break it.

Sí.

All right, you
blindfold him, Moneta.

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

( light-hearted theme playing)

(all laughing)

Hey, you're going to fast.

Ha-hey!

MONETA: Now, come on.

(speaks in Spanish)

(all shouting and laughing)

Two more chances, sergeant.

(all laugh)

One more chance, sergeant.

( dramatic theme playing)

Sergeant Garcia.

Sí, I am Sergeant
Garcia, but who are you?

I am Capitán Salvador Mendoza,

m*llitary aide to His Excellency,
Andres Felipe Basilio.

Who is Señor Basilio?

BASILIO: Who am I, señor?

I am the king's
special emissary.

His personal representative,
newly arrived from Madrid.

Oh. If we'd only known
you were due, Excellency...

I-I mean, if you'd
given us warning...

That is precisely what
I did not wish to do.

Sergeant, you
disgrace your uniform.

Do you realize
that we're at w*r?

w*r, Excellency?

France. England.

The Netherlands.

Oh, that w*r, I...

The mother country has

her back to the wall
and you're carousing.

You should be
tightening your belt.

Innkeeper,

clear this table immediately.

And, uh, take down
this childish toy.

Sí, Excellency.

Señor, we are celebrating
the sergeant's birthday.

May I introduce
Señorita Esperon?

Your servant, señorita.

And, uh, bid you
welcome to Los Angeles.

Throw that in the trash bin.

And you, señor?

Diego de la Vega.

Are you related to
Alejandro de la Vega?

Yes, I'm his son.

Indeed?

Sergeant.

Return to your quarters.

I must meet your
father without delay.

I'll take you to our
hacienda immediately.

No, no. Your father
can come into town.

As you wish.

At the moment he's busy
recording the inventory.

BASILIO: The king's affairs
must take precedence.

DIEGO: Of course. I'm
certain my father will cooperate.

Do you plan to stay
long in our pueblo?

No longer than I can help.

Tell me, is Los Angeles

infested with
outlaws and bandits?

We do not consider
el Zorro a bandit.

Well, there'll be no
further need for this.

I do not waste public
funds on such vermin.

I handle them thus:

( dramatic theme playing)

(door shuts)

( upbeat theme playing)

Well, sergeant, you're
looking very industrious.

Believe me, Don
Diego, it isn't my idea.

Buenos días, Don Alejandro.

Buenos días.

They say a new broom
sweeps clean, sergeant.

Perhaps this is the
beginning of a new era.

Come, Diego.

(Alejandro chuckling)

Señor Basilio, may
I present my father,

Alejandro de la Vega.

De la Vega, come in.

Señor Basilio, I came at once.

Excellent. Sit down, señores.

His majesty instructed
me to get in touch

with you as soon as I arrived.

I need your help in
connection with our w*r effort.

In that case, I am
at your service.

Naturally.

Part of my mission here

is to help raise money
to finance the w*r.

I must warn you,

our people already
complain about the tax rate.

I am not here
as a tax collector.

These are royal bonds.

As you can see, they bear
the king's own signature.

His personal guarantee
of repayment in five years.

Every single peso will
be returned twice over.

And I want your help

in carrying that message to
the people of Los Angeles.

You may count on
us in every way, señor.

ALEJANDRO: Of
course, I will urge

my friends and
neighbors to do likewise.

(knock on door)

Enter.

ALEJANDRO: Uh,
we were just leaving.

(speaks in Spanish)

I will tell my friends
about your royal bonds.

I, uh... I will put you
down for 2500 pesos.

Well, Mendoza, what
have you found out?

Everywhere I went, Excellency,
everyone seemed so happy.

You would never know
there's a w*r going on.

Slackers.

And these are very
enlightening too.

These... These tax receipts.

Why, even the merchants
here make me seem a pauper.

Well, I'll soon squeeze
the fat out of them.

I have decided
that the innkeeper

will set a patriotic example.

He will be the
first in Los Angeles

to buy the royal bonds.

What is his quota?

Oh.

Two hundred and fifty pesos.

They must learn
to think of Spain

instead of themselves.

Señor, I swear to you,
I can't pay 250 pesos.

You want to stay in business?

It's all I have.

Then think about it.
But don't take too long.

Señor, I'll pay what I can. But
so much money? Impossible.

Come closer, I want
to tell you something.

(speaking inaudibly)

What's wrong?

Capitán Mendoza.

He wants money?
From the innkeeper?

Two hundred and fifty pesos?

That's impossible. He
can never pay that amount.

Well, it's no crime
if he hasn't got it.

There's nothing
they can do to him.

( upbeat theme playing)

Whoa.

You do not have to
come inside, Diego,

if you'd rather not.

Well, it would be a
pleasure, Moneta.

A pleasure? To
talk to this... This...

But His Excellency interests me.

A man who demands sacrifice

and self-denial
from everyone else,

but appears to have
denied himself nothing.

Are you saying
he is an impostor?

Oh, no, no, no. His
credentials are in order,

but he does interest me.

(blusters)

(blusters)

Oh. Buenas tardes,
señorita, Don Diego.

Señorita, I want to
thank you for my party.

I would have done
it before, but I...

I understand.

It was my first piñata
since I was a little boy.

I wonder why His Excellency
took it away from me?

Let me see what I can
do. I'll talk to him about it.

Gracias, señorita, gracias.

(knock on door)

(sighs)

Come in.

Oh. Señorita
Esperon, De la Vega.

Señor. Welcome.

Buenas tardes, señor.

This is a great pleasure indeed.

Please be seated.

Ah, De la Vega, I, uh...

I didn't expect to
see you back so soon.

My father had some
business in connection

with your royal bonds.

I was to meet him
here later in town

and on the way I
met the señorita.

That makes you a
very lucky man indeed.

Gracias.

Now, how can I help you?

My father requests the pleasure

of having Your Excellency as
a guest at luncheon tomorrow.

Gracias. I am flattered.

There, um... There
is one other matter,

and perhaps I am out
of place in asking it.

Feel free to ask
anything, señorita.

If it is within my
power, I shall grant it.

Well, it is about
Sergeant Garcia.

That is to say,
about his piñata.

Sergeant Garcia,

and indeed the entire garrison,
is badly in need of discipline.

But it means so much to him.

He's really a child at
heart, isn't he, Diego?

Nonsense. The army has
no place for children, señorita.

My orders must stand
for the sake of discipline.

And you won't change your mind?

A servant of the king
cannot change his mind

merely to satisfy a whim.

Diego.

Until later, Your
Excellency, and, uh,

thank you for your time.

(knock on door)

Oh, come in, capitán,
we were just leaving.

Something is wrong?

Wrong? Could
anything possibly go right

in this miserable village?

(sighs)

I do not understand, sir.

Never mind. Never mind.

I came in to report on
my latest inspection...

I'm not interested.

Have you spoken to that
fool of an innkeeper again?

Sí, but he still claims he
cannot raise the 250 pesos.

Oh, does he?

Then he must learn
to do his patriotic duty.

It will be a much needed
lesson for all Los Angeles.

How far shall I go?

( ominous theme playing)

I leave that to your
discretion, Mendoza,

but you must make it plain

that I am not to
be taken lightly.

( ominous theme swells)

( suspenseful theme playing)

What do you want?

I thought maybe you were
walking in your sleep, sergeant.

You know I only
sleep in my sleep.

Go back to bed, corporal.

I'm going over to the tavern

and rescue my piñata
from that trash bin.

I don't think you
should try it, sergeant.

Corporal, didn't you
ever want something

that meant more to
you than life itself?

(sighs)

Why am I wasting my time?

Corporal Reyes, don't you
know what's inside a piñata?

Presents.

And the ones over
there belong to me.

(thudding)

(shuts off tap)

(sneezes)

Who's there?

There isn't anybody
here, is there?

(glass shatters)

(grunts)

GARCIA: Help.
Lancers. Help. Lancers.

Corporal Reyes. Anybody?

(grunting)

( dramatic theme playing)

(sighs)

Oh, don't sh**t, my
good friend. It's only me.

Help me up, please?

Sergeant Garcia.

You've heard the testimony.

What have you
to say for yourself?

It was not my fault, Excellency.
Somebody pushed me.

Well, there's only one
answer for your sort: the stocks.

The stocks?

Señor, no one in Los Angeles
has been put into the stocks

for many years.

That is true. Besides,
they are very dusty.

Then it should
prove an apt lesson

to all who may see you.

Capitán Mendoza.

Excellency?

Set the stocks up in the
plaza outside the cuartel.

See that the prisoner
remains in them for 24 hours.

MENDOZA: At once, Excellency.

NACHO: Excellency,

knowing the sergeant as I do,

if he says he did not
let my wine run away...

Well, if he didn't, who did?

( dramatic theme playing)

Well, my man?

Nothing, Excellency. Nothing.

(door shuts)

(door unlocking)

(footsteps approaching)

Keep him here
until sunrise, capitán.

Now you know what's in
store for lazy, slovenly louts.

ZORRO: Señor.

I suggest you change your mind.

Zorro.

You look rather
uncomfortable, sergeant.

A soldier is used to hardships.

So you are Zorro, hm?

Accept my welcome and my advice.

Use moderation in
your dealings here.

How dare you give advice to
me, the king's own emissary?

Release him, Excellency.

Not until you replace him.

BASILIO: att*ck,
capitán. att*ck.

( suspenseful theme
playing) (all grunting)

(yelling)

Señores, would you mind
fighting somewhere else,

please?

Capitán Mendoza.

( suspenseful theme playing)

Now will you release him?

(gasps)

Oh... All right, Mendoza.

Gracias, Señor Zorro.

I was getting a
little uncomfortable.

ZORRO: Stay where
you are, capitán,

or I'll give His Excellency
reason to skin you alive.

Now, I hope it's not necessary
for us to meet again, señor.

This is a conspiracy.

I'll have you court-martialed
for this, Garcia.

You'll face a f*ring...

ZORRO: Your Excellency,
you disappoint me.

Now, I thought you
were a clever man,

but I see you're really going
to have to learn your lesson.

Get in there. Move.

Lock him up.

I, uh, believe you interrupted
the sergeant's birthday party.

Now, why don't you show
him you meant no offence?

Sing us a song, Your Excellency.

(mouthing words)

Sing us a birthday song
for Sergeant Garcia.

♪ There should be
laughter And mirth ♪

Oh, louder.

(louder): ♪ On the
day of your birth ♪

♪ This is the day of the year ♪

♪ When all your
friends Are here ♪

♪ Felicidades And muchos años ♪

♪ It's the happiest
day Of the year ♪

Bravo, señor.

But would you mind
singing it again?

And this time louder.

I don't think
everyone heard you.

It's a pity your hands
are occupied, Excellency,

because you'll
lose your trousers

when the first
lancer approaches.

No! No! Stand back, all of you.

I'll court-martial the first
man who comes near.

Now, won't you
sing the song again?

This time for the soldiers.

♪ There should be
laughter And mirth ♪

♪ On the day of your birth ♪

(all laughing)

♪ This is the day of the year ♪

♪ When all your
friends Are here ♪

(crowd laughing)

♪ Felicidades And muchos años ♪

♪ It's the happiest day ♪

♪ Of the year ♪

Bravo. Bravo.

(laughter and applause)

(mouthing "no")

Sergeant, your birthday present.

( dramatic theme playing)

Mendoza, lancers, after him!

Lancers, get your arms.

(crowd chattering)

Get me out of here,
you bumbling idiots.

Hurry!

Get me out.

BASILIO: He's getting
away. Lancers, sh**t him.

BASILIO: Get me out
here, Garcia, you idiot!

(g*nshots)

( dramatic theme playing)

ANNOUNCER: Next week, a
man's greed and a fabulous fortune

in silver and gold.

Now, this is still
only a beginning.

Oh, uh, you will note,
uh, Capitán Arenas,

that all three chests are sealed

with the crown's golden seal.

Under no conditions are
they to be opened by anyone,

except the viceroy in Madrid.

ANNOUNCER: Next week,
excitement reaches fever pitch

when you ride with Zorro

to outwit the
unscrupulous Basilio.

♪ Out of the night ♪

♪ When the full moon Is bright ♪

♪ Comes a horseman
Known as Zorro ♪

♪ This bold renegade ♪

♪ Carves a Z with his blade ♪

♪ A Z that stands for Zorro ♪

♪ Zorro ♪

♪ Who makes the sign of the Z ♪

♪ Zorro, Zorro ♪

♪ Zorro ♪