04x12 - Have Yourself a Morlock Little Christmas

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[all singing "Deck The Halls"]

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
fa la la la la la ♪

♪ Tis the season to be jolly
fa la la la la la ♪

[clearing throat]

Uh, perhaps you two
better take over from here.

Well, at least you tried.

Better than old
grumpus over there.

Wolverine!
Come over and help us.

I've never had a Christmas
with you before.

[grunts] You ain't
missing nothing.

You could sing the guy's part
on "Jingle Bells. "

Cyclops is having his problems.

Kid, the day you catch me
singing "Jingle Bells"

is the day pigs fly.

Come on!

Don't let him
bring you down, sugar.

Old Logan's just never been
one for holidays.

It's fun he doesn't like.
No use ruining ours.

Wow! I never had
a star like this!

This is your first Christmas
as an X-Man

and we mean to make it
extra special.

It already is!

[exclaims in disgust]
What's this here you're cooking?

It's called food, Gambit.
Normal Christmas food.

This need a little Gambit magic!

A little cayenne,
a little thyme...

If you want to keep that hand,
stay away!

[grunting]
Gambit just trying to help!

The day that I need
your help in the kitchen

is the day that I stop cooking!

[grunts]

[sneezing]

You still know nothing about
cooking no Christmas dinner!

-[thudding]
-[grunting]

"'Twas Christmas broach'd
the mightiest ale

"'Twas Christmas told
the merriest tale

"A Christmas
gambol oft could cheer

"the poor man's heart
through half the year"

Ah!

Though non-alcoholic,

a Yuletide brew worthy
of Sir Walter's verse.

Storm, I don't think
I've had a happier Christmas.

All of my X-Men together,
with so much to be thankful for.

Yes.

What is it, Storm?
You seem distracted.

I am sorry. I'm not sure why.

Perhaps I see
Jubilee's childlike joy
at Christmas

and remember my own.

[rumbling]

What was that?

[alarm blaring]

Could we be under att*ck?
On Christmas Eve?

[alarm continues blaring]

Disturbance isolated in
Sector 9.

We are nearly there!

Beast! Are you all right?

[alarm stops]

I am unhurt.

That is more than I can say
for my cranberry glaze.

Is Beast injured?

[Cyclops] Only his pride.

Delightful!

Though the chemical formula

proved distressingly volatile,

the harmony of flavors
is impeccable.

All you need
is a white belt and a hat,
and you could be Santa!

Did I hear an att*ck alarm?

Or would that be
hoping for too much?

It was only
a culinary statement of Beast's.

Perhaps a bit overdone.

[groans] Christmas again.
I gotta get out of here.

All this good cheer
is driving me nuts!

Storm and I are going
shopping in the city.
Come with us!

Christmas Eve shopping?
You're crazy!

Please, Wolvie. For me.

Kid, turn it off.

I'd do better
trying to fight Sabretooth.

[Jubilee]
Don't you just love it?

I've never been able
to get nice gifts
for people before.

This is great! Thanks for coming
with me, Wolverine.

Don't mention it, kid.
Now let's get out of here.

Think I have enough?

Should I get some stuff
for Christmas Eve dinner?

Well, this is the first time
I've ever had a real family
at Christmas time!

I'm not sure
what I'm supposed to do!

[Storm] You have done
more than enough, Jubilee.

Now, let us make a last stop
and go home.

Excuse me, sir.
Would you like to try
our newest fragrance for men?

-[spraying]
-Get that... [coughs]

It is called Musk of the Wild.

It turns women into animals!

-[growling]
-Logan...

Then get me out of here

before I turn into an animal.

There, Logan.

Escape while you can.

Come on, Wolverine!
It's Christmas Eve.
Have a little fun.

You don't want to know
what I'd find fun right now.

Sirens.
Something's happening up there.
[sniffs] I can smell it!

You sure it's not
Musk of the Wild
you're smelling?

Boy, that stuff stinks.

Trust me.

[sirens blaring]

It is an ambulance!

[tires screeching]

I call upon the raging wind!

[wind blowing]

Come on!

Hurry, Ape!

Morlocks!
I thought I smelled sewer gas!

Ripping off an ambulance.

You scum have sunk real low.

[police sirens blaring]

[tires screeching]

Come on, they're down there!

Let go! You don't understand!

You're the one
who don't understand,
tunnel-boy.

You could've k*lled someone!

[grunting]

Please, Storm, help us!
Leech is very sick.

And we don't know what to do.

Leech. The little kid?

You're not buying any of this
sewer water, are you?

Morlocks would lie
to their grandmother.

I sense they are
telling the truth.

We must do what we can.

We tried to take
Leech to a hospital.

But Leech's mutant
powers were out of control,
and we were refused help.

How awful!

How touching.

But that still don't explain

why you're joyriding
in an ambulance.

The ambulance
has emergency medicine.

We were desperate.

We didn't know what else to do.

Oh, please.

You are supposed to be
the leader of the Morlocks,

but you are never around.

You should help us
when we need it.

Leech might not live!

[policeman] There they are!

We will help.

You can help.
I ain't no sewer rat babysitter.

Under cover of snow!

Hey! Where'd that
blizzard come from?

What about all my presents?

Do not worry about them.
Now, let us go!

Is this gonna take long?

It's only an hour
until Christmas Eve dinner!

They'll be worried about us.

This way! In here! Hurry!

Callisto.

So, our glorious leader

deigns to visit us
after all this time.

Is this Christmas charity?

Or did you just come
to watch a Morlock suffer?

I do not deserve that.
We have come to help.

Why? You never have before.

Listen, lady,
we don't have to...

No, Wolverine.
Let Callisto speak.

[groaning]

Our differences
will have to wait.

Leech needs our full attention.

Agreed.

-[Storm] Wolverine!
-Yeah, what do you want?

You have experience
in field medicine.
Prepare the child.

I will fly him to the mansion
where Beast can
tend to him properly.

Uh-oh.

What is it? What's the matter?
Why are you just standing there?

Hi, little one.

[Callisto] Why don't you
make him do something?

Take your hands off of me!

Shut up! Both of you.

We ain't taking
this kid nowhere.

What do you mean?

He needs immediate
medical attention!

There is none here!

It's too late to move him.

His pulse is dropping.
He'd never survive the trip.

Not survive?

Leech?

No! No! He can't!

Not today! It's Christmas Eve!

No, I will not accept it.

We cannot lose him.

There must be
something we can do.

Wolverine, please.

You're so good
at healing yourself.
Can't you help Leech?

Don't be crazy. He ain't me.

Logan, can you?

Forget it! It's impossible!

Can your blood
save Leech's life?

[Wolverine] Maybe!
There's a chance!

Is that what you want me to say?

You have to try, Wolverine.

It's not like you not to help.

Can you hate them so much?

Don't you think
I want to help the kid?

You have failed
trying to save others?

Yeah. They looked at me, scared,

hoping, like I had the answer.

And I let them down.
Over 20 of them.

The last one was a kid,
smaller than him.

But you said, maybe.

Yeah, it worked twice.

Once a long time ago.

I don't know why.

The second time I...

What's the difference?

Ape! Did you get
a transfusion kit
out of that ambulance?

Transfusion?

Never mind.

I will contact the mansion

and have Rogue fly
Beast and his medical kit

here immediately.

Until then, Logan,
you know what you have to do.

You don't know
what you're asking.

I am asking you
to show the courage needed
to save a child's life!

He wouldn't be dying
if you looked
after these people.

Perhaps you are right.

But if there is one chance
in a thousand you can help him,

you must.

Ask yourself, Logan.

if he were your child,
would you refuse?

Good. Ape!

Wolverine will need
a flat surface to lie on,
right beside Leech.

Ape will do it.

Leech be okay?

Do you believe
in miracles, Mariana?

What's miracles?

[sniffling]

Maybe in a little while,
we'll see.

[Jean] You did what?

I just gave the ham
a little juicing up.

I want this, this,
this swamp rat
out of my kitchen! Now!

Stop it! You're both
acting like children.

This is Christmas Eve, remember?

Everyone, we have an emergency!

Rogue, I need you to fly
Beast to the Morlock tunnels,
immediately.

On my way, Professor.

-Who's in trouble?
-How can we help?

[Storm] Beast will
be here in 10 minutes.

[Callisto] There. It's started!

I pray we're in time.

Please, kid. Help me out here.

Leech okay now?

Soon.

Come! See Christmas tree!

I helped make it nice.
Isn't it pretty?

It's the most beautiful
Christmas tree I've ever seen.

Leech found it.

-Leech...
-Come on!

Is this your Christmas dinner?

Mm-hmm.

Leech bringed it from up above,
before the cold make him sick.

Will you be joining us, dearie?

Please stay.
You can have some of mine.

Please! I bet you're hungry.

Mariana asked you
a question, Jubilee.

[Jubilee] Storm!

Is Leech...

It is still too early to tell.

Come, let us rejoin the others.

How do these people keep going?
They've got nothing!

You're wrong, child.
They have each other's love.

As long as you are
part of a caring family,

every day of the year
is Christmas.

It would do all of us well
to remember that.

He should be better by now.
Why hasn't it worked?

I told you it wouldn't work!

Logan, stop!

Yes, I may need a hand.

Hank, hurry!

-Beast!
-Thank goodness.

Tell us quickly. Will he live?

Wolverine's recuperative powers
are nothing short of miraculous.

Their mutative origins, however,
are a mystery
to medical science.

And the efficacy
of their transference
is impossible to predict.

Then try something else.
You're supposed to be a doctor!

One moment!

His eyes!

Welcome back
to the world of the living.

Like dutiful Aeneas,
leading his people to Rome.

-[exclaiming]
-[laughing]

It would appear
that my face is not
the world's most reassuring.

He's okay, Mariana! He's okay!

Of course, he is.

Give me the Scepter
of Power, Callisto.

Why?

As leader of the Morlocks,
I owe you no explanation.
I command it!

It is your right,
but you have been
no leader to us.

Kneel before me.

This Scepter of Power is mine
by right of single combat.

As leader of the Morlock people,

I hereby relinquish

all rights and title
associated with that position.

What?

Rise, Callisto,
and kneel no more.

Before all those here assembled,

I hereby grant you the Scepter,

symbol of Morlock leadership,

with all the rights
and responsibilities

associated with it.

Callisto is now

the one and true leader
of all the Morlock people.

What's a fella have to do to get

a glass of orange juice
and a cookie around here?

Make that two.

[Leech] Leech hungry, too.

[laughing]

A good meal is exactly what
the doctor prescribes.

Thanks, kid, for making it.

Logan, I regret
that I was too blind

to show you the compassion
you have given Leech this day.

I should know better
than to question your heart.

As leader of the Morlocks,
I hereby extend an invitation

to all X-Men to join us
for Christmas dinner.

We haven't much, but...

[Jubilee] Wait!

We've got plenty to eat.

Half of these boxes are food!

Are you sure, child?

I know how much
these gifts mean to you.

Well, what are you waiting for?

You two don't expect me
to open all these gifts
by myself, do you?

You have done something
very noble today, Jubilee.

I learned from the best.

[Wolverine]
She's a good kid, Storm.

Though it was not quite
the Christmas

Jubilee had anticipated,

I would wager
that she will find it
a memorable one.

[Jubilee] [giggling]

So will
a couple of cooks I know.

[Gambit] What do you mean,
not eating?

Gambit has spent days
on this meal!

My oyster loaf! My daube glace!

We could warm it up tomorrow.

Warm it up?

You do not warm up such a meal!

Gambit does not make TV dinners!

I understand.

[Jubilee] I just didn't
want you to think

that we wanted to be away
from you on Christmas Eve.

Don't worry, Jubilee.
You all will be missed,
of course,

but your generous sacrifice
indicates to me

that you understand
how much more you are needed
where you are.

No gift could have
made me happier, or more proud.

[theme music playing]