03x15 - What's Cookin'?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
Post Reply

03x15 - What's Cookin'?

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go Making it grow ♪

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪ ♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪ ♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

WOMAN [ON TV]: What this does is this nourish the starving pores.

A man's pores are constantly saying:

"Feed me. Feed me."

How do you feel, Edward?

EDWARD: Stupid. Stupid.

Yeah.

[SHUTTER CLICKS, CAMERA WHIRS] What was that?

Oh, I'm just getting a picture for next year's Christmas card.

No. You are... [LAUGHS]

Hi, Kate. Hi--

[SCREAMS]

Oh, come on.

[SCREAMS]

TONI [ON TV]: That's Toni with an I.

Switching you back to Debbie and Vaughn in studio.

Bye-bye, everyone.

[CHUCKLES] Thank you, Mr. Toni with an I

for that live report from your hair and face salon.

So when are you getting a facial, Vaughn?

When Toni starts spelling his name with a Y.

I mean, come on.

A facial is not what I would call a manly endeavor.

In my opinion, only a guy who was a complete and total--

We don't need to see any more of this.

I'll take that off now.

Well, I'm wiped out.

I just spent two hours

fighting savage jungle weeds with my bare hands.

So, uh, how about it, heh?

Okay. Let's see here.

That'll do it.

Four dollars?

That's only $2 an hour.

Oh, well, my father used to pay me 50 cents an hour.

Yeah, but in those days, you could buy a car for that.

At this rate, by the time I have

enough money for that surfboard,

I'll have to get a gray one to match my hair.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get that.

RICKY: Oh, hello, Grandfather.

Oh, hello, Mr. Stratton.

Hello, Father.

Eddie.

Eddie?

I don't think I've ever told you

how greatly I admire this house of yours

and what a delight it is to be in your presence,

my beloved son.

Forget if, Father. I'm not buying Stratton Flour Mills.

Ingrate.

How can you pass up such a golden opportunity?

Golden opportunity.

That place has been losing money for years.

Why would you try and sell your own son

a company that's losing money?

Because no one else would buy it.

I've never heard of Stratton Flour.

My good woman,

that flour has been on the market for 40 years.

You mean you've never heard the slogan:

"Made with Stratton Flour? Ooh, better"?

g*ng way.

Who's gonna be the first to try my latest concoction?

"Angel food that brings out the devil in you" cake.

[LAUGHS]

Edward Stratton II.

Lulu Baker.

The woman who turned my son against me.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Listen to this old coot.

After 11 years, you still have retained the capacity

for rousing my bile.

Keep your shorts on, pickle-puss.

Why do you call me "pickle-puss"?

I am no pickle-puss.

Right.

Good? Mmm!

Oh, Lulu, you have outdone yourself.

Boy, Lulu, this brings back memories.

Nobody can bake like you.

Mm! I've got an idea.

Something to make people sit up and notice Stratton Flour.

Grandfather. You could sponsor a cooking segment

on that TV show Wise Up, New York.

I rather like that show.

Of course, Vaughn is a turkey,

but that Debbie is quite something.

And get this, Lulu could be the chef.

Well...

Nah, I don't think so.

Uh, I've got a restaurant to run.

You could do it live, from your restaurant.

I do know hundreds of recipes,

and I could wear some marvelous clothes,

and, Edward, you could write a snappy jingle.

Well... Okay.

Grandfather, she'd be great at selling Stratton Flour.

Stratton Flour. Mmm, better.

That's "Ooh, better."

Lulu, you've always been obstinate and difficult.

But your food has always been eminently edible.

So how about it, Grandfather?

Well, let's give it a sh*t.

Come on, Kate, you can help me with some recipes.

You know Julia Child? Mm-hm.

Well, she better watch out for this child.

Come on.

Richard,

I was very impressed with your imaginative thinking.

Impressed enough to give me a job?

Well, maybe it is time you went to work for Stratton Industries.

I'll give you minimum wage.

All right!

You always told me he was cheap.

I wouldn't rush into anything, son. I've been there, you know.

Your grandfather's the toughest man in the world to work for.

Your father is not incorrect.

I mean, there are cushier jobs, believe me.

Like being a bulletproof vest tester.

What your father is trying to say in his usual anemic way

is that I'm a hard man to please.

When I give an assignment,

I want it done accurately and on time.

Hey, I'm your dude.

You are no dude.

You're a Stratton, heir to a dynasty.

Now, don't blow it.

[REMOTE CLICKS]

Now, the main trick is to put tons and tons of cheese

into your macaroni.

And when the essence oozes through,

the gooeyness is just heavenly.

But the main ingredient is love,

which must come from you.

Now, let us see how our casserole looks when it is done.

Oh, my.

Mmm!

[SNIFFS] Mmm!

Now, let's have a close-up.

Not of the macaroni, of me!

Good.

Now, do you see this happy face?

Well, you too can have a face like this

if you use Stratton Flour.

Right, friendly farmer?

♪ Breads and noodles Apple strudels ♪

♪ Cakes and cupcakes too ♪

♪ Flaky rolls And doughnut holes-- ♪

♪ Flaky rolls And doughnut holes ♪

[CHUCKLES] ♪ Pastries filled with goo ♪

♪ You'll be glad You tried it too ♪

♪ Stratton Flour Ooh, better ♪

And now, back to Vaughn and Debbie

in Wise Up, New York.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR] [GRUNTS]

ALFONSO: Yo, Rick.

Come on in, Alfonso.

Shut the door. There's a draft.

I hold in my hand two choice box seat tickets

to the Mets game this afternoon.

Box seats?

[SCOFFS] I can't go.

I have to finish all this work.

My grandfather's counting on me.

What's the panic?

See all these papers? Well, these are questionnaires

from people who've bought Stratton Flour.

By 10 a.m. tomorrow, I have to have all this information

tabulated in my computer.

"Name, occupation.

'How often do you bake?'"

Oh, yeah, this is a lot more fun than watching the Mets

play a double header against the Phillies.

Look, Alfonso, I've been putting this off for a week.

I understand, Rick. You go back to work.

♪ Take me out to the ball game Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Take me out To the crowd, oh ♪

♪ Give me some peanuts And cr*cker Jacks ♪

♪ I don't care if I-- ♪

Hey, Alfonso.

I can probably finish when I get back,

but I'd be tired, and might make a mistake.

My grandpa is real picky. I'd be in big trouble.

Right. There'll be other games.

Oh, by the way, did I mention?

It's Jacket Day.

[SIGHS]

Alfonso!

[WIND BLOWING]

Grandfather's gonna be here any minute.

How could all the questionnaires have blown out the window?

Well, at least we found four.

And a half.

I wrestled this one from Spot.

I'm dead meat.

You know, your grandfather is not a monster.

I'm sure that if you just tell him what happened,

he'll understand.

Yeah.

Maybe he will. Yeah.

Well, I've got a meeting at the bank.

Come on, Alfonso, I'll drop you off at your Uncle Dexter's.

This was all my fault.

I tempted you with the baseball tickets.

I'm sorry, Rick.

Look.

Alfonso, nobody told me what to do.

It's not your fault. It's mine.

Okay.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hello, Mr. Stratton. Ms. Summers.

Oh, I'd like you to meet Dexter's nephew, Alfonso Spears.

Alfonso, this is Rick's grandfather.

That kind and patient man I was telling you about.

Give me five so I know you're alive!

I only have 10s and 20s.

[LAUGHS]

Goodbye, Mr. Stratton. Bye.

Goodbye, Rick.

That was a great joke, Grandfather.

Well, sorry I'm a minute late.

I had to dismiss my chauffer.

There were some spots on the chrome.

I cannot tolerate slovenly work.

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

May I have your report?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Why are there paw marks on that paper?

Because old Spot doesn't wear socks?

[GIGGLES]

Oh, boy.

Look, Grandfather, here it is.

These are the only questionnaires left.

All the others, they're, uh...

They blew out my bedroom window.

And how did that calamity occur?

I kind of left my window open

when I sort of went to the Mets game.

I see.

Instead of doing your work,

you went to watch grown men

trying to hit a ball with a wooden stick.

It is the national pastime.

Poppycock.

I'm sorry, Grandfather.

I love you.

I love you.

You're fired.

I'm your grandson.

Aren't you gonna give me a second chance?

Negative.

Instead of doing your work, you went off to the ballgame.

And that shows that you are irresponsible, inefficient,

and a wastrel.

Good day.

[TRAIN HORN TOOTING]

Well, I didn't find very many questionnaires,

but I did scare a few crows.

Grandfather fired me, Dad.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, son.

But, you know, that's kind of how business works.

If you're given an assignment,

you have to follow through with it.

Yeah, but he didn't have to be so mean.

He wouldn't even give me a second chance.

He called me irresponsible, inefficient, and a... A...

Wastrel? Yeah.

How did you know?

It's what he said every time he fired me.

You know, Dad, he can make you feel this big.

Believe me, son, I know that feeling.

Oh, man, he could make you feel...

This big.

Maybe he's justified in f*ring you,

but that is no reason that he has to say things

that are untrue and make you feel worthless.

I don't care if I ever see him again.

Great, right. Hey, that's the same pattern.

I didn't speak to him for years.

Now I can see why.

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna let the same thing happen to you

that happened to me.

We're gonna go down to Lulu's,

talk to your grandfather,

and we're gonna tell him it's about time

that he started being sensitive to other people's feelings.

'Specially his family who loves him.

Coming up, another segment of "Cooking with Lulu."

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

You know, in the two weeks--

The two weeks that she's been on this show, Deb,

I've gain five pounds just watching her.

That's true, Vaughn, I can pinch an inch.

How did you like to go back to Wise Up, Peoria?

Ooh! We'll be right back.

CAMERAMAN: Okay, stand by.

LULU: Oh, hi, fellas. Hello, Lulu.

Father, I'd like to speak to you about the way you treated Rick.

He didn't do his job, and I fired him.

Yeah, but you didn't even give me a second chance.

I gave you an assignment, you gave me diddly squat.

CAMERAMAN: Ten seconds, Lulu.

Father, he's 14 years old.

He's bound to mess up once in a while.

Case closed.

Coming up in five, four, three, two...

Oh, yes, welcome to Lulu's kitchen,

the happiest kitchen in town.

You know what you are? You're obnoxious, obstinate,

impossible, and thick.

Thick, thick, thick. Shh!

Yes, today we have a recipe.

White bread, you just gotta put jam on it.

I love this recipe...

EDWARD: Sometimes you make me so mad, I could scream.

As I was saying, the...

Did you ever look at a bag of Stratton Flour?

Isn't he a handsome devil?

Well, girls, hold on to your sifters

because he's here with us today, in person.

Edward Stratton II.

GRANDFATHER: No way.

I can't.

Yes, indeed.

Remember,

there are a couple of hundred thousand

Stratton Flour buyers out there.

Point well taken. Mm.

And now, as an added bonus...

...his darling grandson, Richard.

Come, Richard.

[VOICE SQUEAKS] Hello.

Now, these two are my guest chefs.

Now...

Now, you two sift flour,

and I'm going to warm some milk.

[LULU CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]

Now, isn't this fun?

Right, guys?

No comment.

Likewise.

Folks, I guess you feel an air of tension in here.

Well, these two are having a little tiff.

But if they could only step into each other's shoes,

perhaps each one could see things a little differently.

Richard, why don't you pretend to be your grandfather?

Are you kidding?

Talk to me like you were your grandfather.

Affirmative.

And you be Richard.

Far out.

Grandfather, what did Rick do?

I gave him a job... Yes.

...and he gave me diddly squat.

Get off my case, dude.

You're a minstrel.

A wastrel.

Don't talk back to me.

Rick, what did Grandfather do that was so terrible?

Well, I went to a sort of a, kind of a baseball game.

Hey, I-I-I'm just a kid.

That's what kids do.

That's why we're groovy.

Poppycock.

You're a Stratton.

And then the dog ate my papers.

Not good enough.

You're fired.

But I'm your grandson.

Case closed.

Now wait a minute, if you're gonna imitate me, do it right.

You're exaggerating.

I do not do that.

I do not turn my back on people.

Oh, yes, you do, Father.

That's exactly what you've been doing to me all my life.

You're wrong, Edward.

Well, then now, excuse me,

but I've seen you do it many, many times.

But it's true, sir. You did it to me earlier.

You're all mad.

Father. Father, look at yourself.

Well, it may be true that on certain occasions,

I have turned my back on certain people.

And, Richard, it is true that I have not taken into account

that some of the things I do may hurt people.

Well, I shouldn't have taken on the job

if I wasn't gonna follow through with it.

Richard, I care for you a great deal.

I know.

And I care about you too.

Maybe you'll work for me again someday.

And, Edward,

I'm sorry about the 11 times I fired you.

You're fired me 12 times.

I know that, but I'm only sorry about the 11.

All right, everybody.

One, two, three.

♪ Breads and noodles Apple strudels ♪

♪ Cakes and cupcakes too ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Flaky rolls And doughnut holes ♪

♪ Pastries filled with goo ♪ ♪ You'll love it ♪

♪ You'll be glad You used it too ♪

♪ Stratton Flour, ooh ♪

♪ Better ♪

[LAUGHING]

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver... ♪
Post Reply