(theme song plays)
(indistinct chatter)
(people chattering
gavel banging)
It has come to my attention
that the children
are playing a game
that has several
elements of danger in it.
I inquired of my own child
who has herself been
injured several times,
and I'm sure you're
all familiar with it.
They call it "sock-ball."
Madame Chairman?
Now, the object of the...
I haven't finished my
thought, Mr. O'Casey.
(chuckles)
Okay, Madame Chairman.
Now in this game of sock-ball,
the object seems to
be to throw the ball
at the legs of a running child.
And, of course,
it usually results
in the child falling
to the pavement.
I move we petition the principal
to exclude sock-ball
from the children's
playground activities.
Second the motion.
Madame Chairman?
(sighs) Mr. O'Casey
wishes to speak.
Thank you.
Madame Chairman,
Madame Secretary,
fellow members... I, uh,
I think it's a little stupid
to give up a good, healthy,
old game like sock-ball
just because of a
couple of clumsy kids.
Mr. O'Casey, please!
This is all being recorded.
Oh, now, wait a minute,
ladies. Wait a minute.
What I meant is that
I've got three grandsons...
One of them in this
school right now...
They all gave up sock-ball
because they heard it
was a sissy game. Question.
Yes, what is it? It
has been moved
and seconded that
we petition the principal
to exclude sock-ball
from the children's
playground activities. What
are you sending to this school,
a bunch of cream-puffs?
All those in favor now,
please raise your right hand.
Oh, wait a minute.
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Let's kick this thing
around a little more.
Mr. O'Casey, you are
in contempt of the chair!
That is so true.
But let us stick to
one subject at a time.
(all clamoring)
(squawking,
cackling and crowing)
Hi, boys. Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
Boy, guess what I
finally... Just a minute.
You'll never believe what... Would
you hold it just a minute, please?
Now what's going on
here? Where's Bub?
He called me up, told
me to put the dinner on.
Oh, where is he? He's
still at a committee meeting
down at Chip's school.
Dad, guess what I found!
It's the neatest deal! My
gosh, you can't turn it down!
It's something that... Why should
a committee meeting last this late?
I don't know. He said something
about an argument
over sock-ball.
'47, stripped
down, dual pipes...
He's got to stay there
awhile and straighten it out.
Oh. Carl Joy has one.
He works on it all the time.
His dad says it's the best
thing that ever happened
at their house. Is this all we're
going to have for dinner? Potatoes?
Oh, no, I was going to
make some toast. Oh, good.
You know, I'm not
exactly a gourmet,
but somehow just
toast and potatoes
doesn't do much for me.
Real cheap, Dad, it's a steal!
What's a steal?
This gorgeous clunk, this car.
(phone rings) Here,
open that, will you?
My gosh! I can mill the heads...
Answer the phone,
will you, Robbie?
(Robbie groans) Dad.
Hmm? In a couple of days
the guy from State College
is coming over to interview
me for the scholarship.
From State?
Oh, I thought you
wanted to go to Stanton.
Well, I did, but my grades
being what they are,
I didn't think I had a chance.
But, anyway, these men
from the Alumni
Enrollment Committee,
they're sort of...
well, kind of all
businesslike. So?
So what are we
going to do about Bub?
What do you mean, what
are we going to do about him?
Well, you know how he doesn't
care what he says to people.
I mean, this is pretty
important to me, Dad.
Mike...
maybe I'd better refresh
your memory a little.
At one time, your granddad
was doing very well
managing a movie theater.
Yeah, in Plainview.
That's right.
And when your mother
d*ed, he gave up everything
and came into our
home and did his best
to take his daughter's place.
He came into our
house and cheered us up
when we thought
we'd never laugh again.
Oh, I didn't mean
anything, but...
He not only had to
do the housework,
he had to attend
committee meetings,
go to social teas
and do a lot of things
that most men wouldn't
have the nerve to do.
And he does it because
he wants you boys
represented in the neighborhood.
I don't know about
you, Mike, but to me that
more than makes up
for a little Irish temper
and an occasional
lack of tact. Hmm?
Yeah.
Slice those up, huh?
And then when I'm
old enough to drive,
I'll know all about
engines and stuff, and...
Boy, have we got a neat grandpa!
How come you
always got to butt in?
Are you just getting
home from school?
Yeah. Bub's down
there and he's got
a bunch of ladies
yelling at him. What?
They're yelling and squawking
and flapping their arms...
Me and Freddie Trotter been
watching through the window.
Bub just stands
there and smiles.
They yell some more and a
couple of them start crying.
Boy, it's neat!
TEACHER: Okay, Marilyn, now
you've never been in here before.
You know what I want you
to do, so try it again, okay?
Hello. What are the
weekly rates for this hotel?
Well, I'm not sure.
Nobody's ever
stayed here a week.
That's good.
That's good, but, uh...
remember now, this is
supposed to be vaudeville.
So your delivery
has to be much louder
and delivered straight
to the audience.
Now suppose we
give it another try.
Yes?
Excuse me. I'm looking
for Robbie Douglas.
He's my grandson.
He forgot his lunch.
All right, Robbie, you
may get your lunch.
Now, we'll try that again.
(cymbals crashing)
You're as bad as
you are at home.
Here's your lunch.
Thanks. So long.
Are they doing a
sketch up there?
Yeah. So long.
"So long."
TEACHER: Now,
suppose we try it again.
Hello, what are the
weekly rates at this hotel?
Well, I'm not sure.
Nobody's ever
stayed here a week.
Would you like a room and bath?
Um, just the room.
It's five days till Saturday.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Not bad at all, that's fine.
That's fine.
(laughs)
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Now Marilyn, if you'll move
slightly upstage and...
Excuse me.
Do you mind if I
make a suggestion?
No, no, go right ahead.
Oh, thank you very much.
Well, the young lady is spoiling
the second part of her gag
by the way she
tells the first part.
She says something
about being in a hotel
a week and then she says
it's only five
days till Saturday.
Fine, I'll make a note of that.
Now Marilyn, if you'll
move slightly upstage,
and then when... no.
Oh, no, no, no no, honey.
When he says "upstage" he
means away from the audience.
Excuse me, Mister, uh...
Theodore. Uh, Theodore.
You see, in the old
days, they built the stages
so they slanted
toward the audience
so you could see
the actor better.
Oh, by the way, Ted,
my name is O'Casey.
How do you do? Fine.
Boy, I'll never forget
the five Daring Dunbars.
It was in Sulphur Bay, Missouri.
The stage there was built
on a 30-degree slant
toward the audience.
They came zooming out there
and zoomed right
into the orchestra pit.
(laughs)
It was a roller skate lesson.
That's very interesting,
Mr. O'Casey. It was interesting.
You could bet on that.
Were you in vaudeville?
Were I in vaudeville?
I was the stage
manager in this house.
I've got the
theater in my blood.
Yes, I-I-I see.
Well, we'd better get back to
rehearsing for the jamboree.
Right, hotel jokes.
Now I got a million of them.
You step forward there, Johnny,
and listen to these jokes.
You'll laugh at them, too.
Now, listen to these jokes.
And you can play
them with me, will you?
I'll say you... No,
you'd better say to me,
"What's the name of the
hotel we stopped at in Detroit?"
What's the name of the
hotel we stopped at in Detroit?
Uh, I don't know, I'll
have to look at my towels.
(Bub laughs)
You say to me, uh,
I'll be the bellhop this time.
Go ahead. I'll be the bellhop.
Dad?
Good night.
Oh, hi, Robbie.
Are you busy?
No, no.
Look, Robbie, if
it's about the car...
Dad, will you tell Bub to
quit coming by the school?
You won't be able to
get your learner's permit
till next year, and...
What's... what's Bub got
to do with the car deal?
Well, nothing. Oh.
What did you say?
Well, Bub said that
he came by my school
to bring me my
lunch, but I think that
he really wanted to get in
the jamboree rehearsals.
I'm sure he did.
What's wrong with that?
Well, he butts in
and... and talks real loud
and calls Mr. Theodore "Ted,"
and embarrasses everyone!
You can just hear him.
And I end up looking like a goof
in front of Marilyn
Turnthurston.
"Marilyn Turnthurston"?
She's a girl.
Oh, thanks. In my class.
Anyway, will you tell him?
Look, Robbie,
if you're so anxious to hurt
your granddad's feelings,
why don't you tell him?
I don't want to
hurt his feelings.
Fine. Let's just leave
it that way, huh?
Good night, Robbie.
No matter who tells him,
it's going to hurt
his feelings, right?
Good night, Dad.
Good night, Robbie.
If I can't have a car,
how about just a motor?
Good night, Robbie.
Good night, Dad.
Okay.
Fine. Takes care of that.
You must understand, Michael,
this meeting doesn't
necessarily mean
State is granting
you this scholarship.
I'm simply appointed
by the committee
to meet you and
submit my impressions.
Oh, I-I-I do understand
that, Mr. Finch.
Fine.
Now, there are a few
tiresome forms for you to fill out.
Oh, I didn't know you
had company, Mike.
Oh, Bub, this is Mr. Finch
from State College.
Mr. Finch, this is my
grandfather, Mr. O'Casey.
How are you, Mr. Finch?
How do you do?
Glad to know you. Thank you.
So you've come to try and
get this grandson of mine
into that State
College of yours, huh?
Well, uh... Well, you fellas
surely get around, don't you?
State College hears
about a high school boy
that's a pretty fair track man,
and you're
Johnny-on-the-spot, right?
Well, State College is more
interested in a boy's grades
and character than in his
athletic prowess, Mr. O'Casey.
Sure, sure.
But the fact that
he ran the four-forty
in 51 seconds flat
doesn't hurt any, does it?
MIKE: Bub, Mr. Finch
doesn't even know about that.
You want to bet?
Well, I can't stand around here
and chew the rag all afternoon.
I've got a lot of work to do.
It's nice to know
you, Mr. Finch.
Nice to know you.
Now, don't misunderstand me.
I don't see anything rotten
about a college looking
around for a fine, young athlete.
(vacuum running)
(vacuum stops)
They darn near all do
it, why shouldn't you?
(vacuum running)
Well... let's get at the dishes.
Bub, uh, we'll take over
with the dishes
tonight; you, uh...
Yeah. You go on
and read the paper,
and the boys and I will
clean up the kitchen, hmm?
Well, you twisted my arm.
Now, look, fellas...
Now, don't you guys think
you're fooling anybody.
Getting me out of the way
so you can gripe about the food.
Let's get busy, you guys.
Well, that was a
nice, quiet dinner.
Now, what's bothering
you fellas anyway?
It isn't the food.
Jeepers, no, it's...!
It's what, Chip?
Chip, I asked you a question.
Mike says if we tell
you, you'll get sore.
Oh, that's a swell thing to say.
Now you gotta tell him.
Tell me what?
Well, Bub keeps coming
down to the school,
and for a while, it
was kind of funny,
but now the kids say I
got a goofy grandfather
that makes ladies cry
and... and the principal... And
I'm just sure Mr. Theodore's
she's gonna write you a letter
gonna put me out of the Jamboree
about why didn't you keep him home?
If Bub keeps coming to rehearsals.
And Marilyn
Turnthurston, why, she's...
Marilyn who?
Turnthurston... that's a girl.
Mike, have you any, uh, coals
to add to the fire?
No... no, Dad.
Don't you boys know
that your granddad
thinks the sun rises
and sets on you?
He wouldn't do anything...
I tried to tell them that, Dad.
What are you, a big...
Shh, Robbie, hold it down.
What are you, a big
angel or something?
Just 'cause you
don't want to tell Dad
how Bub wrecked
you going to State?
The interviewer from
State College was here?
Well, Bub didn't
mean anything, Dad.
I didn't want to
go there anyway.
All right, boys, I'll, uh...
I'll talk to Bub.
Do you have to, Dad?
He didn't meant
to louse things up.
We all know that, Mike,
but this time, he...
You, uh, fellas clean
up the kitchen, huh?
And Mike, lay off Robbie.
CHIP: Thanks, Dad.
Every time Mike
smacks Robbie, I get hurt.
Uh, Bub...
They must have elbow
sharpeners in that school.
Look at this sleeve, will you?
Bub...
Okay, Steve, I
can see the jig's up,
so fire away.
I got it coming,
so let me have it.
Well, Bub, uh, I've been talking
to the boys, and, uh...
it's nothing, nothing
too serious, it's...
Oh, yes, it is, the
food's been terrible.
After all, Robbie
doesn't ask for much,
and I... I saved the money
out of the food budget.
You know, you said yourself
that, uh, someday, you'd have
to give him a direct
answer about a car.
Well, Bub, what I want...
And he's the only one
that knows anything
about a car around
the house here.
Wait... w-wait a minute, Bub.
What-what-what are
you talking about?
I can't hear a thing.
Me, neither.
(whispering): Hey, knock it off.
How'd you like
somebody listening in
on you while Dad
was tearing you apart?
All right, finish the dishes.
You know, the little
knothead's a pretty nice kid,
and this way, he might
really learn something
about cars before
he starts driving them.
Uh, do you think I did wrong?
No. No, you-you-you
did fine, Bub.
Good, good.
They put it in the
garage this afternoon,
and Robbie will
find it in the morning.
Now, don't say anything.
No.
No, I won't say anything, Bub.
Boy, I sure hope Dad
is taking it easy on him.
(door opening)
Oh, you've, uh, got it
pretty well cleaned up, huh?
I just couldn't
tell him right now.
Gee, Dad, if Bub shows up
at that rehearsal
tomorrow, I've had it.
I'll do it tonight after you
fellas have hit the sack.
MIKE: I sure hope we're
doing the right thing.
So do I.
And if you fellas
have been giving me
the right dope, I'm sure we are.
Well, sure, but...
Now, wait a minute.
Whether he meant it or not,
Bub has been stepping
on your toes, right?
And you've all asked me
to do something about it, right?
Okay, I think you've
got legitimate complaints,
and I'm going to
straighten Bub out tonight.
(birds chirping)
I see... no... no,
no, uh, that'll be fine.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Good-bye.
You must be cooking
up quite a deal.
You've been on the
phone all evening.
Yeah.
Yeah, the, uh... the
boys all sacked out?
Yeah, all but Mike.
He's still hitting the books.
I wonder how Bub'll take this?
Well, if it was me, I
sure wouldn't stick around
where I wasn't wanted.
I didn't mean that.
Sure would be funny
not having Bub around.
Next month, I'm gonna reorganize
this whole laundry deal.
Here, uh, let me
give you a hand.
All right.
Well, what's the problem?
Problem?
Now, don't give me
that "no problem" routine.
There's been something
on your mind all evening now.
Come on, out with it.
(phone ringing)
I'll get it.
It won't get any better,
keeping it to
yourself, you know?
Hello?
Oh, no, no, that's all right.
I'll call him. Robbie!
If you're sore about
Robbie's surprise,
I'll take it back.
ROBBIE: Yeah?
Telephone... you
can take it in my room.
I wouldn't have bought
it in the first place...
That isn't it, Bub.
Yeah?
Oh, Robbie, I'm sorry
to bother you so late,
but I... I wanted to be
sure you had the light cues
for the jamboree dress
rehearsal tomorrow.
Oh, yes, sir.
Well, fine, fine, fine.
Oh, and, uh, by the way, Robbie,
about your grandfather...
Oh, I knew you
were gonna be talking
to me about that, sir.
I'm sorry, but I
just... there's...
I haven't had a
chance to tell you how...
how much I appreciate his coming
to rehearsals every
day... You do?!
So if you don't
want to tell me, don't.
Something about Mike, maybe?
Well, in a way, yes,
uh, and Robbie and Chip.
Oh, well, that could
be pretty serious.
(trumpet fanfare)
BUB: I'm going to find
out sometime, you know?
(laughs) Hi.
Hi.
Steve, listen, two
heads are bet...
What are you doing down here?
Don't you know it's after 10:00?
I know, but I gotta talk to Dad.
Well, talk to him
in the morning.
Now, Steve... (phone ringing)
Jeepers, Dad...
Robbie, uh, answer
the phone, will you?
But, jeepers, Dad,
I just gotta talk...
You heard him... answer
the phone. (phone ringing)
Aw, gee. Now, Steve,
there's no use b*ating
around the bush.
Actually, Bub, there's
no real problem.
No? Mike!
Hey, Mike!
It's for Mike. It's for Mike.
How could you tell? MIKE: Yeah?
Get the phone!
Mrs. Towler was
telling me there's, uh...
there was a little excitement
down at Chip's school.
No kidding? Well, I
must have missed it.
No, no, I mean, uh, at
your committee meeting.
Oh, that. Dad...
I'm like a rooster in a
henhouse down there.
The more I crow, the
more they squawk.
(chuckling): They love it.
Oh, don't worry,
Mr. Finch, I'll be there,
and I, uh... I'm sorry
about my grandfather.
Michael, whether or
not you get a scholarship
to State College does not
depend on your grandfather.
Oh, I know that.
As a matter of fact,
I rather enjoyed him.
It's refreshing these
days to listen to a man
who speaks frankly,
even if he is wrong.
You're not worried
about Mrs. Towler
and that bunch of
bimbos, are you, Steve?
Who cares about them?
What else did she say?
Well...
Bub... Pipe down, Robbie,
your father's talking.
What else did she say, Steve?
Well, she...
Bub, Mr. Theodore
called and wanted to know,
(trumpet fanfare) are you gonna
be at the final rehearsal tomorrow?
Are you kidding?
I never missed a final
rehearsal in my life.
What's the matter
with that Theodore?
He says he sure appreciates
all the help you've
been giving him.
Yeah?
That Ted'd all right...
He's a nice fella.
There's nothing wrong with him.
Uh, what else did
Mrs. Towler say, Steve?
Dad... Here, Robbie, uh,
run my car in the
garage, will you?
I forgot and left
it in the driveway.
Sure, Dad, but now we don't have
to tell Bub what we've
been talking about.
MIKE: Dad...
I suppose that darned
Towler woman...
Hey, Steve, don't
send Robbie out there.
That's where
his... Tell me what?
About Mr. Finch.
He just called me
and... and told me I'm still
in line for the scholarship.
Well, I knew all about that.
I sewed that deal up
two or three days ago.
Now, come on,
Steve, quit stalling.
Well, when Mrs. Towler called,
she also said she was sorry
she blew up at the meeting.
There's no problem, Bub.
Never has been. Right, Mike?
Gee, yeah.
Well, then, doggone it, Steve,
what's the big idea
getting me all stirred up?
How come Mr. Finch,
Mr. Theodore and Mrs. Towler
just all happened to
call at the same time?
Yeah, that is a
coincidence, isn't it?
Yeah.
BUB: Fine thing.
Here I am trying
to be real helpful
and there's nobody to help.
(car engine backfiring)
(engine revving)
Hey, what's that?
(engine revving)
(engine revving)
(idling)
(revving)
(backfires)
(idling)
(revving)
(backfires)
(idling)
(dialogue muted by engine)
(backfires) Neighbors!
My very own motor!
Yeah, all you need
now is a... is a car.
What do you mean?
It practically is a car!
Where'd you get this thing?
Bub, man, you're the greatest!
Oh, Robbie, behave
yourself. Bub...
ROBBIE: Boy, were we wrong.
Man, that's great. Oh, wow.
Oh, stop acting like a
welcome home committee.
(sustained revving)