'Yee-haw!'
As y'all might have
noticed, in Hazzard County
sugar comes in very
interesting packages.
Here you go, sugar.
Of course, in Hazzard
they tend to have their
own way of doing things.
For example..
You're watching the
Hazzard extended love spring..
Which sort of explains
why a lot of folks..
Once they get to Hazzard,
tend to want to stay.
Anywho, while Coy and
Vance Duke were enjoying
a typical Hazzard luncheon
meeting when it all commenced.
That is to say, it all
started. Don't you know?
Vance Duke, are
we playing or not?
I need a little
time out, Bonnie.
You throw it around
with Ellie Mae for a while.
Coy, get your tail
over here for a minute.
Be right back, sugar.
Hold this for me, will you?
You see, Coy talks to sugar too.
Dang it, Vance. Me and Ellie Mae
were just getting
to know each other.
What's you got this
time? Because I'd like...
- Take a look at here.
- 'The tire tracks?'
'That's the reason you
called me over here?'
I don't think you're
playing with a full deck.
'That may be.'
I've got a strange feeling
we've seen this
oversized track before.
Take another look.
The Mean Green Machine?
Heck, it's been
long gone. Hasn't it?
Uh-huh.
We never saw where it
went or who went with it.
Man if that machine
is back in Hazzard
we're all in for a
heap of trouble.
Let's take the girls
back and check this out.
Alrighty. Ellie Mae
ain't gonna like this.
'Bonnie, Ellie Mae..'
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to call off the picnic.
Vance Duke, I spent all morning
getting that picnic lunch made.
Not to mention another
date I could've had.
I know, sugar, listen.
Now, while Vance and
Coy was bustin' up their party
and creating difficulties
with their social life..
Boss Hogg was like
a tot in a toy store
drooling over the Hazzard
Gold and Silver Bullion Emporium
which he was
planning to bust into.
- Look at that.
- Look at that.
The Jefferson Davis
gold coin collection.
- All in a box.
- In a box.
Well, what do we have here?
What we have here
is my fat little fink friend
casin' a job for the
Mean Green Machine.
I knew when we busted
out of the slammer
we'd come here
and he'd lead us to it.
But I never figured that
he'd finger the job for us.
Remember that guy driving?
He's one of the bad
dudes that sold Boss
that Mean Green
Machine in the first place.
I reckon he wants it back, huh!
Especially them Dukes
for putting me in jail.
- Heh, oh! Oh!
- Oh! Oh!
'O-oh. Doesn't the sight
of all that gold give you'
'a quiver in your liver?'
'Yeah, brings
tears to the eyes..'
and hunger pangs to the pocket.
Yeah..
Oh, those suckers
are shiny... aren't they?
Hey, Boss, listen. Those
coins are old, aren't they?
I wonder what the hysterical
value of those coins are.
- You mean historical?
- That too.
But what I'm wondering is
how much them coins
is worth... melted down.
- You're gonna melt those...
- Da-da-da-do-do, come on.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Thanks for coming.
- You know, just watch...
They're leaving.
Now all they gotta do is
lead us to that machine
'and we're gonna get
us one million dollars.'
And then, Baxter
we're gonna even
the score around here.
We'll smash down
everything in this cow town.
Alright, boy. Let's do it.
While them bad guys
was tagging after Boss
waiting for him to make a move
to the Mean Green
Machine that they was after.
Coy and Vance were out looking
for some sign of it themselves
while filling in Daisy and
Uncle Jesse and Cooter.
It was that same
kind of strange, -ply
off-road job that machine uses.
Well, it could be.
Ain't nobody around here
runs on that kind of tire.
Y'all tell which way it went?
No way. Once them tracks
hit the pavement there's no way
of telling where it went in.
'If that infernal
machine is back'
everybody in Hazzard
County stands to lose life, limb
and property or anything else
that happens to get in its way.
'Y'all think a call to the
State Police is in order?'
'We got nothing to tell 'em.'
'We don't know whether it's
back or what it's planning to do.'
No sense in letting Rosco know.
Boss and Rosco was tied
up with that machine before
they're bound to
be tied in again.
We'd just be tipping our hand.
While you boys
look for the machine
Daisy and me will
keep our eye on J.D.
I'm headed back for Hazzard
right now. Over and out.
'And I'm heading
for the Boar's Nest.'
If I see anything,
I'll holler. Bye, fellas.
Y'all, I got me a tow job
up around Walnut Grove.
If I see anything, I'll
give y'all a holler here.
Alright, Cooter. This is
Lost Sheep cutting loose.
'Crazy Cooter, and I'm gone.'
Now, y'all hang on
to whatever's loose.
You just watch what some
county boys can put together.
Ooh.
- Did you see that?
- It went right through there.
- You can see it.
- I saw that.
- Oh, look at that.
- Holy jumping..
- Did you see that?
- I saw that too.
Ain't that somethin'.
Listen, Boss. You
know somethin'?
You know what that
vehicle reminds me of?
What?
A combination barbecue
pit and a steamroller.
Ha ha, Rosco, I tell
you, there ain't no way
that nothin' or nobody
can stop that machine
from getting into the
Gold and Silver Emporium.
Once this day is done..
That green thing
is gonna deliver us
one million dollars in gold.
Oh... Boss, let me ask
you one little question here.
Hm, what's that?
How's that machine gonna pick
up that chest of coins anyway?
How? With my latest
stroke of genius, that's how.
- Oh, that?
- Wait a minute, I'll show you.
Tuck? This is me. Say,
that was quite a show.
Now, let's see that
special grabber go to work.
Look at that.
That little old magnet
answer your question?
Oh, that's a marvelous.
But listen, Boss,
you know something?
You're the only man I know
that could steal a man's teeth
and then come back for the gums.
Alright Tuck,
everything looks just fine.
Now then, you take that magnetic
monster back to the hideout
till it's time to pass
the collection plate.
This absolute..
This is one of
your better ideas.
'I mean, that's super.'
It was marvelous.
Let's go get it.
Coy and Vance,
Jesse and old Cooter
didn't see hide nor hair of
that machine on the road.
The Dukes were right
in fearin' Boss' machine.
At least they knew
how Boss operated.
Hey, Burt, coast
looks clear to me.
Why don't we get us
one of them cold beers?
'Can I get you one buddy?'
'What do you wanna
mess with this machine for?'
'She's running real good.'
Just hold it right there.
Tie him up.
And on the floor.
That's it.
Daisy went to the Boar's
Nest to look for Boss.
Since he was the only
connection they had
to that infernal machine.
'We got us plenty of time
before we make the hit.'
'What do you say we
find them Duke boys'
'and bust up that
orange car of theirs, huh?'
'Hey, Vance. Look over there.'
Looks to me, we just
missed hitting the jackpot.
Let's go take a closer look.
'Looks like it's practicing
for an all-out w*r.'
I know one thing for sure.
We ain't gonna
take that thing on
without something
to fight it with.
What do you say we hightail
it back to the farm and get
what's left of them
dynamite arrows to sort of uh..
Even up the odds.
Spoken like a man
looking for a fair fight.
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
Trouble is, them bad
fellas don't exactly fight fair.
While Coy and Vance
and them bad dudes
was heading for a showdown
Boss was already back
at his Boar's Nest office.
- Million dollars in gold.
- Fur coat for Mama.
- Million dollars in gold.
- 'Gold doggy collar for Flash.'
Rosco, you know
what a man can do?
And Daisy was just outside
of it, hoping to hear what
Boss and Rosco was planning
to do with that machine.
All those jawbreakers she
wants, with his fifty percent
of your fifty percent.
'Yeah? Well, who said
anything about him'
'or you or anybody
getting fifty percent?'
- 'Me.'
- 'Not this time.'
'All you're gonna
get is ten percent.'
'Ten percent?'
'Less interest, uh... expenses.'
- Hey! Boss.
- Uh? What? What? What? What?
What is the matter?
What's going on here?
Say, ain't you
supposed to be out there
protectin' my machine?
'There ain't no
machine to protect.'
'What!?'
'Somebody stole it.
Two guys jumped us.'
Ah!
- Somebody stole my machine.
- No.
There goes my ten percent
of whatever I was gonna get.
I'll get out a CPB.
Rosco, you got a mind like
a whip. Only it just snapped.
Now we're going to get
that machine ourselves.
- Oh, I see.
- Come on.
This reminds me of the
time old Boss opened
the Hazzard Roller
Skating Palace.
And to save money on skates.
Well, he covered the
skating rink with marbles.
Oh, look what you did.
Lost Sheep. Lost Sheep, are
you out there? It's Bo Peep.
Lost Sheep right
back at you, Daisy.
I've got a real
barnburner for you, fellas.
Boss did have that
Mean Green Machine.
But he ain't got it no more.
Somebody ripped him off.
That will knock the
shingles off the roof.
Who do you figure done it?
Why don't you ask them yourself.
'There they are.'
Hey, looks like that orange
car you told me about.
- 'Must be them Duke fellows.'
- 'Ain't that neighborly.'
Them coming out
to greet us like that.
We got the bow and two of
those exploding arrows left.
A couple of arrows ain't
gonna do much good
against King Kong out there.
- Someone's got a bow and arrow.
- Yeah?
Oh!
He got us.
- Hey, where did they go?
- He went back of us.
- Alright, let's torch.
- Alright.
They're tryin' to barbeque
us again, partner.
'Ain't gonna get near this way.'
Well, who the heck is
trying to get near 'em?
Got to, Coy. We gotta stop them.
You gotta be kidding. With what?
The only thing
we got, this here.
If I get this onto the
front of the machine
he'll be driving blind
and have to pull over.
See if you can get up broadside.
- Close as you can.
- Aye-aye, skipper.
Damn! This thing's
not running right.
Think there's something wrong.
Now, if it gives you a
pause to watch old Vance
att*ck a t*nk
with a dry blanket.
Y'all should have seen
him play linebacker
for Hazzard High.
Feisty.
Let's go back
and finish them off.
'Can't. That expl*si*n gave
us some engine problems.'
'We gotta clear it up first.'
'Or we ain't gonna
be able to pull that job.'
'And the gold's shipping
out this afternoon.'
Dang it! Dang it!
Dang it! Dang it!
I was just getting
to enjoy myself.
- You alright?
- Only thing hurt is my pride.
You gonna sit there on your
pride or get after 'em? Come on.
Not till we give us a
bigger stick to chase it with.
I never saw that
one fellow before.
But Hatfield was
driving, I think.
I thought he was in the slammer.
Not unless he can be in
two places at the same time.
I found out something else too.
Come on. The
suspense is k*lling me.
Thanks to them dynamite
arrows, those fellas
ain't going anywhere without
making some engine repairs.
'That means they gotta hole
up somewhere for a while.'
It'll be a good chance
for Uncle Jesse and Daisy
to poke around town and
see if anyone saw Hatfield
or that other fella
at the diner or hotel.
Never know what kind of
word they might pick up.
Now, figuring they'd at least
bought themselves some time.
And maybe another
cr*ck at them bad guys
and the Mean Green Machine.
The boys headed
back to the Duke farm
for some more
dynamite and arrows.
Boss and Rosco
was hatching plans to get
that machine back again.
But they had a long road to
hoe to get to where they is going.
Terrible. Terrible.
- Then, why are you eating them?
- What?
- Those hard things.
- Oh, I don't mean..
The jawbreakers.
Those are pretty good.
All I mean is somebody
stealin' my machine.
Well, they're crooks,
that's what they are.
Just plain,
unadulterated crooks.
I sure wish I knew who they are.
Don't worry about
it. I'll catch 'em.
Or I'm not sheriff
of this county.
Don't worry. If
we don't. You ain't.
Listen here. Listen.
I'll get 'em. I'll get 'em like
they ain't never been got.
All I'm trying to figure out
is how we're gonna stop
them in that infernal machine.
How? By arming
ourselves to the teeth.
Right down to the gums.
That's why we're driving
to the State Guard Armory.
'Oh, I love it. I love it.
You know what we'll get?'
'We'll get one of
those horrowitzers.'
'Huh?'
- Hor-hor. Horrowitzers.
- You mean, a howitzer.
Yeah, we'll get one of them
too. Even better. We'll get a t*nk.
We'll get two tanks
for you and me.
- A big fat one for you.
- Please, please, please.
Don't go on like a
long-playing idiot, will you?
Just drive, drive, drive.
Well, I like hot
pursuit in a t*nk.
I ain't never done that.
Sure it was such a hot idea
bringing it back
here to work on?
Safest place I could think of.
Hogg would never figure
we'd hide it where he did.
- How's it coming?
- It ain't.
Carburetor's clogged.
We're gonna need
us a real mechanic.
Let's go find us one.
While Daisy was going to town..
Coy and Vance loaded up
with arrows and dynamite
and headed out to look for
the Mean Green Machine.
And Uncle Jesse
was already in town
keeping an
eagle-beagle eye peeled.
But then there's that
famous pithy Hazzard saying
"Don't ever worry about
nothing ever turning out wrong
'cause it usually won't."
Boss and Rosco, meanwhile,
had armed themselves to the teeth.
I tell you little chubby
buddy, I'm proud of you.
Way you shucked and
jived those armory fellows
tell them we needed that bazooka
for official sheriff's business.
Well, one of us has
gotta use his head.
- Yeah.
- I mean the one with a head.
- Right.
- Yeah.
That's right, this
bazooka sure is the thing
to stop my machine
and get it back.
Like I always say
"The best offense
is a bigger offense."
Right.
And I tell you, we are the most
offensive people in these parts.
Of course, now, what
Boss and Rosco didn't know
was that machine they was
looking for was right back
where old Boss had
hidden it in the first place.
And that them bad guy was
right in Hazzard that very minute.
So there he was in
that old blue pickup.
Chased him clear
across the valley.
You heard anything
from Coy and Vance yet?
Not a word. You know,
that Green Machine
could be almost anywheres.
That's why I brought this along.
Afraid you ain't gonna
get a chance to use it.
Drop the g*n. Hands over
your head if you like living.
Now, don't get
excited, son. See here.
Watch me. Watch
me. I'm putting it down.
There you are.
Well, now, ain't y'all bad
talkin' to him like that?
Why don't you try
talkin' to me like that?
'Cause we're going
for a little trip first.
No. See, I'm real particular
about who I go
riding around with.
Hold it.
Hold it right there
or the old man gets it.
'I'm okay. Do what he says.'
Alright, tie up the old man.
You. Get your tools
and get in the van.
'Well, come on. Ain't
got time to waste.'
What's your all-fired hurry?
J.D.'s bank ain't going nowhere.
None of your business, old man.
Besides, Hogg's
bank is chicken feed.
Now... we're going
with you or without you.
Hang on there a second.
I'll go with y'all
on one condition.
- You leave him alone.
- Don't worry about it.
- He ain't the Duke we want.
- What y'all want with me?
Get your tools
and we'll show you.
- Now, move it!
- Come on. Let's go.
Shepherd to Lost Sheep.
Shepherd to Lost
Sheep. You out there?
'Reading you loud
and clear, Uncle Jesse.'
We're about a quarter
mile outside of town.
Listen, keep your eye
open for a blue van.
It's Hatfield and another
fella, and they got Cooter.
You're right about the engine.
They needed a mechanic.
'Is Cooter alright?'
He was when he left here. But
you know Cooter and his temper.
'I just don't want Cooter
to do anything crazy.'
'You okay, Uncle Jesse?'
Yeah, I, I'm fine. I'm fine,
except for some bruised knuckles
and being a little tied up.
Listen. The main thing
is to not get Cooter hurt.
- So you be careful?
- Daisy? You reading all this?
I ain't missed a word.
Y'all make sure that Cooter
and that van get back safe
and sound. Okay, fellas?
- I'll take care of Uncle Jesse.
- We won't have to look far.
'Here they come.'
- Doggone it, we're stuck.
- Try rocking it.
- I don't see them, do you?
- No sign of them.
Don't you boys count your
chickens before they hatch.
There ain't no
quitting 'em Duke boys.
He ain't kidding.
Them boys is tougher to lose
than a tick on a hound's tail.
Keep rocking, partner.
We gotta get out of here.
I think I got an
idea. Pull over.
Now, this thing might be
slow, and it might be ugly.
But it sure as sh**ting
gonna have to be dealt with.
And probably at a bad time..
And a bad place.
Let's go.
Good idea. That
ought to hold them.
- No way around it, coz.
- We just have to go over it.
'Well, hang on.'
Trying to slow down the
Dukes by blocking the road
is like bailing a leaky
boat with a rusty bucket.
Yee-haw!
'Here they come again.'
Baxter!
Hey! You make
another move like that
you'll buy yourself
a pair of wings.
Son, if I had half the chance,
y'all would be stoking a fire.
We got it, alright.
Dang thing's flat.
Lost Sheep to Shepherd
and Bo Peep. We lost 'em.
Hole up at Cooter's.
We'll be coming in.
Yeah. I figure it's about
time to fall back and regroup.
Now, Baxter and
Hatfield not only had
that Mean Green Machine
but they had old Cooter
as hostage to boot.
'Dagblast it, Rosco.'
I'm gonna get that machine
back if it's the last thing I do.
One of these ought to do it.
Coy and Vance met
with Jesse and Daisy
and tried to come up
with some kind of plan
to catch that machine
and free Cooter.
Uncle Jesse, you okay?
Well, I seem to be
slowin' up a mite.
Oh, you know you aren't. You
know what's gotten me worried?
They could've that machine
hid in a hundred different places.
Even if we do find them,
we couldn't blast them
without hurting Cooter.
If anything happens
to Cooter, I'll just die.
Oh, honey, they need a mechanic
too bad to do anything to him.
Question is what'll
they do with him
when they don't
need him anymore?
'We don't even know
what they're gonna do'
'with that machine or when.'
Whatever it is, they
gonna do it soon
because they was
in a mighty big hurry.
Well, sh**t they could
hit Boss' bank any time.
Or any place in
Hazzard for that matter.
Except one.
Look at this.
'They said, J.D.'s
bank was chicken feed.'
'That means they're
going for something bigger'
'and the only thing bigger
would be the Emporium there.'
Now, then, if they're
gonna hit that they have
to hit it this afternoon.
Problem was, how could they
stop that machine in Hazzard
without folks in town and
old Cooter getting hurt.
Then an idea hit Vance.
They'd stop the machine
after it moved out of town.
And to make sure they
didn't lose track of it
Vance needed some
radio-station equipment
that only Bonnie
could get for him.
I told you I didn't
wanna talk to you.
Bonnie, you think I wanted
to call off that picnic?
There ain't
nothing I'd rather do
than have a picnic with you.
Except maybe a..
Vance Duke, you can try
sweet talking me all you want.
But the answer is still no.
Okay, I mean if a guy can't
turn to the gal he's taking
to the church social,
then I don't know.
You mean that? Oh! Vance.
But if anybody finds
out I'm loaning you
radio-station equipment,
especially Mr. Hogg
I could get fired in a minute.
Trust me, Bonnie.
- Trust me.
- Trust me.
Alright, I'll go into
engineering and see
if I can get what you want.
Thank you, baby.
Friends, either Vance
could sell an Arab sand
or Bonnie just ain't too swift.
You take your pick.
Purrs like a kitten.
Yeah, well, it helps if you
know what you're doin'.
I don't think you
boys would be quite
so bad without them g*ns there.
Oh, shut up and get in there.
- We taking him with us?
- Insurance.
In case somethin' else happens.
Or in case our
mechanic friend here
threw a monkey
wrench in the machinery.
You heard the man. Climb in.
You better keep
a close eye on me.
- You better not blink.
- You just try. Just once.
Come on. Get up in
there. We ain't got all day.
Now, things was
fixing to come together
and time was running out.
So Vance laid out his idea
and what everybody
was gonna do. Maybe.
Here's one of those
mini-radio transmitters
that sends out a
signal for over miles.
Like the gizmos they put
on a boat or a plane to give
out their location in emergency.
We'll stick one to that machine
when it's gonna hit the emporium
and the other to the General
to pick up the broadcast signal.
And that signal gets located
on that dish right there.
Well, it sure sounds
like it should work.
How do we get that
thing onto the machine?
With this two-sided
magnet right here.
Now, it ain't gonna be easy.
Since Coy and me gotta
be there receiving the signal.
Daisy's gonna slap
this thing on the back
of that machine when it
rolls into the emporium.
Vance and me will be
waiting outside of town
ready to tail it back
to their hideout.
Maybe I oughta
to warn the guards
and the people in town
so nobody gets hurt.
Now, sugar, you sure
you can handle your end?
Are you kiddin'? How can
I miss anything that big?
I knew you could.
Now, everybody just remember.
Cooter's gonna
be inside that thing.
- Yeah.
- Well, let's go pick our spots.
Pretty neat idea. If
that transmitter works.
If Daisy can land it on
the Mean Green Machine.
And that's providin' the
machine ever gets to Hazzard.
Possum on a gum bush.
Alright, freeze now.
I said stop! Freeze!
What is that?
Uh, my g*n.
'My badge.'
My belt. My pants.
Watch this.
Oh, oh..
Now, fightin' is one thing.
But to drop a fellow's
britches is truly
lackin' in sportsmanship.
Sheriff Enos Strate
calling the deputy sheriff.
I mean, Enos Strate
calling to Sheriff Rosco.
'Come in, sheriff,
it's mighty important.'
Enos, this is Sherriff Rosco.
What is it now? Come back.
Sherriff, you know that
big old Green Machine?
It's back again. I saw it
with my own eyes, sheriff.
It att*cked me and
Hazzard. Bless her heart.
Are you kidding me? Are
you in hot pursuit? Come back.
'No, sir, I ain't got
nothing to pursue it in.'
Give me that. Give me
that, give me that. Enos..
This is J.D. Hogg.
Listen. Where
is it? Where is it?
Cottonwood Road,
heading straight for town, sir.
Oh, we got 'em this time, Rosco.
Come on, let's go get 'em.
The problem right now is.
Who's gonna get
to that machine first.
Daisy?
Jesse?
And Coy and Vance?
Or Boss and Rosco?
There they are. There they are.
'Cops.'
The fuzz ain't never
stopped us before.
They ain't gonna stop us now.
'Stop. So you can lay one of
these shells right over them.'
'Yeah.'
'So they know we mean business.'
Wait a minute. Gotta
get this thing loaded?
Yeah, load that
sucker. Oh, I love this.
'Alright. You got it loaded.'
- Get it out of the window.
- They'll rue the day.
That crazy cop's
gonna fire a bazooka.
Now, I sure hope
old Rosco's sh**ting
is up to his usual
poor standard.
Rosco and Boss don't know
that Cooter's in that machine.
And if Rosco hits that
machine square on
ain't nobody's car in Hazzard
ever gonna run right no more.
- Alright. Fire.
- Ready.
No, stop. You got the thing
pointed the wrong way...
What'd I tell you?
You blew up the car. I
told you you had it pointed.
You know what? Old Cooter
will have that fixed in no time.
If somebody can just rescue him.
He's really that good.
Now, I know everybody's
been wonderin' just like me.
Reckon where old Enos sends off
to get them weird underdrawers.
Miz Tisdale. Miz Tisdale, ma'am?
'Enos.'
That's mighty pretty pink
underwear you got on there, son.
Oh, oh, Enos, do
you know the penalty
for interfering with the
delivery of the U.S. mail?
I'm awful sorry,
Miz Tisdale, ma'am.
But I need a ride back
to Hazzard. Powerful bad.
Official business.
Well it's against
postal regulations
but if it's official
business as you say
well, move the mail over
and set your tail down in there.
And don't fold,
spindle or mutilate.
- Yes, ma'am, I sure won't.
- And put that helmet on Enos.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Safety rules.
You know about
safety. Get in there.
- Now, hang on, Enos.
- Yes, ma'am.
They don't call me
"Cycle Mama" for nothing.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Yee. Yee-haw.
Folks, I think the Mean
Green Machine has arrived.
Shepherd to Bo Peep.
Shepherd to Bo Peep.
- Black Sheep's in the meadow.
- I hear you, Shepherd.
I'm on my way to the roundup.
Now the good folks
of Hazzard did just
as old Jesse had
asked them to do
to make things look right.
- He's loose. Look out.
- Dang fool.
We're almost to the
gold building. Hang on.
'Alright. Hold it right there.'
Drop your g*ns. Now!
Come on, now. Move it.
Alright, you. You with big nose.
'You lock up that
chest. Move it.'
'The rest of you,
clear off this vehicle.'
'Right now. Come on.
Pronto. Move it. Move it.'
'Now, you all make any
funny moves, you're dead.'
Picking them up, loud and clear.
Alright, y'all.
Now y'all get..
'Y'all get over there in that
corner. Hurry up, move it.'
Alright, keep your hands up.
'I want y'all to count
to a real slow like.'
If you boys make
so much as a move.
We're gonna tear
this town apart.
The folks of Hazzard
had cleared the streets
like Jesse had told them to do.
So the machine would
only damage things
not people.
- Rosco.
- What?
How, how dare you.
- Look at that car.
- Oh, it's a mess, ain't it?
- Yeah, I'll never get it fixed.
- I know it.
What a way to
air-condition, ain't it?
Oh, what are we gonna do now?
You'll have to talk
louder. I can't hear you.
I said, what are
we gonna do now?
- Oh, look, look, look.
- What?
Hi.
Look at that. Another
vehicle coming by.
- Yeah.
- Come on, we can get that one.
- I donno if I can hit that...
- No, don't hit it.
We're gonna commandeer
it. Now get to routine.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
- Rosco.
- What?
You know how to drive
one of these things?
Are you kidding me? I
was born on one of those.
Yeah? Just like you
was born with a bazooka
in your hand out there.
Alright. Come on, come on. Let's
see what you can do. Excuse us.
Look at all that mail
there. Ain't that too bad?
- My oh my.
- Oh.
Yeah, better pick it all up now.
Pick this up. Here pick this up.
- 'Let's pick up the mail.'
- Alright. That's good.
'Alright, that's real good now.'
'Come on. Get on
this thing, will you?'
Alright, give me that
bazooka. Alright, let's go.
Sheriff, what about me, sir?
Come back here. My
motorcycle is federal property.
- 'Come back here.'
- Get your own set of wheels.
Now, word of a
million-dollar robbery
spreads pretty fast anywhere.
But in a town the
size of Hazzard
about times
as quick, I think.
Yes, those are
pretty pink pants.
Okay, now pick up the
mail, Enos. Come on.
Uh, sheriff, this is Terry.
'They just busted
in and got the gold.'
- Oh, did you hear that?
- Yeah.
They're getting away
with all my gold coins.
Don't let 'em do it.
Don't let 'em do it.
They've already done it.
Alright, we'll get after
them and we'll get them.
Listen, we got the bazooka.
We'll blow them to smithereens.
Here they come.
Uncle Jesse?
'They just turned off
onto the Old North Road.'
That cuts right into
Fairview Junction.
Which runs clean out of Hazzard.
One fork going to Central City
and the other to the
main road to Atlanta.
Rosco, did you hear that?
Which means they ain't figuring
to come to no hideout here.
The Dukes are after my gold too.
Alright we gotta get
to the machine first.
Now, cut across
at the Hackett Place
down at the Old North Road.
Let's go. Come on.
Don't get that in my spoke, sir.
- Wanna do a wheelie?
- Yeah, do a wheelie.
Rosco, if you ever have
to live your life over, don't.
If I do, I hope I'm a duck.
'Uncle Jesse?'
'Y'all still got that dynamite
and fuse with you?'
I got some here,
but we can't use it.
Cooter's in that thing. We
don't wanna get him hurt.
I figure we can force
them to make a pit stop.
- With us supplying the pit.
- Name the place.
Fairview Junction.
Now, y'all take Indian Trail.
'Coy and me, will cut
onto the Old North Road'
'through the Hackett farm.'
Try to herd them
at the right fork.
Get ready to blow it
when you get the word.
- 'I'm gone. See you there.'
- I'm behind you, Uncle Jesse.'
You know, one thing you gotta
admire about Hazzard folks.
They got a double load
of gumption and tenacity.
Most folks would've give up
and gone to the house by now.
Holy cow. Boss is
f*ring a bazooka at it.
One of them things
sticks, Cooter's a goner.
Boss? Rosco? You
got your ears on?
As luck would have it,
the wires on the cycle's CB
got all wet from
the watering truck.
Boss and Rosco
couldn't hear a thing.
Oh. Look, you missed.
Look at that.
The General Lee.
They're gaining on us.
They're after my gold.
Move it. Move it, will you.
Now Uncle Jesse, you be careful.
Be careful? I've
been using this stuff
since I was years
old blowin' stumps.
I know what I'm doin'.
Daisy, tell him he's got
seconds, then let her rip.
Uncle Jesse, you got seconds.
- Dang. Dang. It didn't work.
- Hold on.
- 'The wheel.'
- Oh.
They got them
razor blades going.
You better sit in here.
That machine is meaner than
Lulu Hogg before breakfast.
Now, if that don't
look like two butterflies
trying to herd a bull elephant.
We're coming up on Fairview
Junction real soon now.
You hang on. We're gonna
drive him right into that right fork.
Now get ready to signal
Uncle Jesse and Rosco.
'Fire it up, Uncle Jesse.'
Hurry.
Move it.
They're coming up behind us.
The Dukes are gonna try and ram us.
They jumped right over us.
The race was now
down to the fuse
and the Mean Green Machine.
With the fuse getting
to the finish line first.
The Mean Green
Machine taking a pit stop.
- Cooter, are you alright?
- Yes sir, I'm alright.
And Crazy Coot making
it almost a dead heat.
This is Cooter's turn.
That's one.
And that's two.
- Alright, Cooter.
- Not bad.
Where the heck is Boss
and Rosco anyway?
You couldn't sh**t
a bazooka for me.
You couldn't drive
a motorcycle for me.
- What good are you?
- Well, I flew, didn't I?
- Got you up here.
- Dagblast it.
Where's my machine?
Well, them gold coins went
back to where they belonged.
And so did Baxter and
Hatfield, right behind bars.
Which is where Daisy is.
Serving up a round
of beer and doughnuts.
Cooter's springin'
for it, for the Dukes
saving his life and all.
As for Boss, he
had checks to write.
His insurance
company having to cover
them two Hazzard patrol cars.
But trust old Boss to
look for a way to get even.
When the Dukes came to check
out the Mean Green Machine
it was gone again.
And everyone
around Hazzard knows
that Boss Hogg would
try recouping his losses.
In the not too distant future.
Now, where do
you reckon he hid it?
05x14 - The Return of the Mean Green Machine
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Cousins Bo and Luke certainly have a way of finding trouble with the law everywhere they turn.
Cousins Bo and Luke certainly have a way of finding trouble with the law everywhere they turn.