03x07 - Wilbur in the Lion's Den

[bunniefuu]

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪

♪ La cucaracha, la di di di... ♪

Whee!

Ed.

Nobody home.

You and that silly boomerang.

I told you not to disturb me.

You're working too hard, Wilbur.

Let's have some fun.

I can't.

This is the most important
assignment I ever had.

If Mr. Foster likes
these sketches,

I could become an
executive in his company.

Even an executive
takes a coffee break.

But not a boomerang break.

This is very important work.

And I'm going to
get rid of this thing.

[Ed] Hey! That's mine!

[Ed chuckling]

That's not so funny.

Hey! You've lost
your sense of humor.

Oh, Daddy?

I am not your daddy.

Oh, will you buy me a kite?

A kite?

Yeah, every kid has a kite.

You're not a kid.

I'm only 8 years old.

Ed, I have very
important work to do.

- Oh... oh...
- Please.

[Ed sobbing]

I want a kite.

[pounding on door]

Look, will you lay off
those crocodile tears?

I'm the only
crocodile on the block

who never had a kite.

Okay, okay.

I'll phone the toy
store and get you a kite.

Don't bother. I
already called them.

And while I was discussing
my deal with Mr. Foster,

I also recommended
that his construction firm

hire Wilbur as
their head architect.

Oh, Roger, you're so thoughtful
and kind and generous.

Oh, nonsense.

Anyone would have
done the same thing...

That is, if they happened to be

kind, generous, and thoughtful.

- And modest.
- Of course I'm modest.

Only when you're filling
out your income tax.

Well, maybe if you'd stop
filling out your wardrobe closet,

I wouldn't have to cut corners.

Hi, hi, Kay.

Oh, Wilbur.

How are you coming
with the Foster sketches?

I just finished them.

And with all due modesty,

I must say, I
think they're great.

Good. I asked him if he'd mind
stopping by around lunchtime.

Well, then I'd better hurry.

I've got an errand to
do before he gets here.

Going to stop by the bank

and get a larger
safe deposit box?

No, I've got to go
down to the toy store.

Toy store? Did he say toy store?

That's what the man said.

Carol, I'm worried.

Oh, Roger, there's
nothing to worry about.

You know Wilbur.

That's why I'm worried.

I've got too much at stake

to have Mr. Foster think
Wilbur is some kind of a kook.

Wilbur is not a kook.

He's a level-headed executive
with both feet on the ground

and if he wants to go
to a toy store, then...

Why would a grown man
want to go to a toy store?

Well, here it is, Ed, your kite.

Good. Ha ha.

Move over and I'll assemble it.

No, no, no. I'll do it.

After all, I am an
architect, you know?

I went to college.

Did you study
how to make a kite?

No, I learned lines and
angles and stresses.

But you didn't study
how to make a kite, right?

No, I learned how to
construct a building,

a bridge, a coliseum.

But no kite, right?

Ed, watch and learn.

Ah-ha, now first of all,

we just take this good old glue,

and we just put a
little on these sticks.

You mind if I make a
suggestion, Professor?

Ed, I don't need your advice.

But, Wilbur, if
you put a little hole

at the tip of the tube,
the glue will come out.

Ed, I know what I'm doing.

All right, all right.

You know, you weren't
helping at all... Ooh!

[Ed laughing]

My kite, my kite!

You've ruined my kite!

Ed, about that
college I went to.

Yes.

They didn't teach
me how to build a kite.

I'll go down to the store
and get you a new one.

Oh, Wilbur.

Yeah?

That's real nice of you.

Only the next time, I'll
tell you how to assemble it.

Sure, Mr. Foster, I'm sure
that you and Wilbur Post

will hit it off great.

You know, he's a
wonderful architect.

Fine, fine, what time is it?

Uh, 10 minutes to 12.

10 minutes to 12?
Where does the time go?

A man hasn't got
time to do anything.

Something wrong, Mr. Foster?

I've got a little headache, yes.

Have you had your lunch?

This is my lunch.

Well, when Wilbur
Post joins your firm,

he'll take a great deal
of pressure off you.

You know, he's a very
industrious young man.

That's all he ever thinks
of, work, work, work.

All right, now what?

Now then, tie a string taut

between the ends
of this cross stick.

[Wilbur] Between
ends of cross stick.

Yeah, boy. [laughing]

That's what I call a good job.

[Ed] Yeah.

Oh, that is a beautiful tail.

You flatterer.

I'm talking about
the tail on the kite.

Oh.

Look, Ed, we better be
getting back home, huh?

But we haven't even
flown my kite yet.

I'm sorry, but I wasted so
much time assembling the kite,

and I don't want to be late

for my appointment
with Mr. Foster.

Aw, let's fly my kite first.

After I talk to Mr. Foster,
we'll come back.

Oh.

I promise. Business
before pleasure.

Yeah, you promised me pleasure,

then you give me the business.

That's very good.

You're treating me like a dog.

- [knocking at door]
- Come in.

Wilbur, this is Mr. Foster.

Well, hello, Mr. Foster.

Roger's told me all
about... I know, I know.

Now let me see those sketches.

Uh, yes, yes.

Well, what are you going to do,

stand around and
hold us up all day?

Well, I thought you...

Stay by my car in case
I get any phone calls.

Go ahead.

Yes, now, this sketch here...

Yes, I know. I can
see. Don't tell me.

You know, more people
waste time talking than doing.

I'll get you some
water with that.

Water?

I've got more
important things to do

than waste my time
waiting for water.

Plow horse?

No.

Race horse?

No.

Well, what does he do?

Nothing. He's just a pet.

Pet? Waste of time.

You realize, Carol,
if Wilbur gets this job,

it could mean
security for both of you

for the rest of your lives.

Yes, it would be kind
of nice to be able to buy

some of the things
I've only dreamed about.

Well, that's one nice
thing about money, Carol.

It turns dreams into reality.

[phone ringing]

Is that our phone ringing?

No, it's coming from out there.

Oh, Mr. Foster. I've
got to answer his car.

Oh, sure, good architect.
Lots of imagination.

You're hired.

Well, thank you, Mr. Foster.

What time do you want me
to report to work tomorrow?

Tomorrow? What's
the matter with today?

Well, Mr. Foster...

You one of those 9 to 5 guys?

No, no, no, but I, I...

Well, stop stammering.

You're eating into
my working day.

Well, that's what I
mean, the day is half over.

I mean, it's after 12.

Oh, you're one of those
clock watchers, are you?

Now let me... after 12?

Well, wouldn't it
be more convenient

if I came to work say
tomorrow or after the weekend?

Weekend?

Well, you don't work
on weekends, do you?

No, of course not, we
have meetings at my house

on Saturdays and
Sundays, though.

Every Saturday and Sunday?

We meet in my play room.

You have a play room?

Lovely atmosphere,
everything a man could want...

Dictating machines,
electric typewriters,

electronic computers...

I told you I hate animals.

They're a waste of time.

Mr. Foster, I don't...

I don't think this job
is going to work out.

Post, I had you sized
up right from the start.

You're the same as
all the rest of them,

no ambition, no
initiative, no drive.

And no pills.

Why, now we'll be able
to afford a swimming pool.

Or something lavish.

Carol, have you seen those
darling new bathing suits

they're advertising for $8.95?

Yes, I have.

Well, I know where we
can get them for $15.00.

That phone call was
from Foster's attorney.

Mr. Foster!

Mr. Foster, I have
some great news.

Your attorney just
called on your car phone

and said he checked
my real estate

and has the papers all ready
for our housing development.

Your housing development.

I'm not going into any deal

with anyone stupid enough
to recommend Wilbur Post.

But, but, Mr. Foster.

Charlie... Arthur... Chum!

What happened?

Carol, I have a feeling

someone just pulled the plug
out of your swimming pool.

Oh!

Hi, everybody.

Nobody's high, we're low.

Wilbur, Mr. Foster just left.

Carol, if you're thinking
what I think you're thinking,

well, I don't know where you
learned that kind of language.

Wilbur, what happened?

All these years
you've been waiting

for your ship to come in.

The ship?

Wilbur, whatever your
differences are with Mr. Foster,

couldn't you patch them up?

Wilbur, how could you?

Mr. Foster is a very import...

And my, my real
estate... Are you...

And if you ever
speak to me again,

I'll never speak to you again.

What do you think of that?

But, Roger...

Forget it. I'm not
speaking to you.

But, Roger!

Honey, look, this Mr. Foster,

he's an impossible man.

Oh, well Wilbur, I'd never
want you to be unhappy.

He wanted me to work night
and day, even weekends.

And I think a man should
devote some time to his family.

Oh, now you make me proud
that you turned him down.

He'd have a man
working like a horse,

and I don't believe even a
horse should work like a horse.

Besides, he was nasty to Ed.

Is that horse what you
meant by your family?

No, Carol.

I might have known that Mr. Ed

would have something
to do with this.

But, honey.

We'll not discuss it.

I'm not speaking to you.

Honey?

Look, honey,

they say you shouldn't
stay mad at anybody

for more than 12 hours,

and it's now 11
hours and 58 minutes.

Time to make up.
Aww, sweetie, that's it.

I knew you'd forgive me.

You're not the type that
could stay mad at anybody.

Still mad, huh?

Wilbur?

If I was talking to you,

I would say you owe an
obligation to your friends.

To say nothing of
your friend's wife.

Wilbur, Foster likes your work.

He likes it very much.

I've been pleading with him,
and I've got him to the point

where an apology from you
would smooth things over.

Well, I want to be fair.

Wilbur, don't look
upon me as a neighbor.

Look upon me as a brother.

Or even a father.

Wilbur, if you don't rake
it in while you're young,

life can be very cruel
when you grow old.

I can see it now. I
am on the golf course.

A little raggedy old
man approaches me

and he pleads to carry my
golf bag for a few pennies.

And do you know who that
little raggedy old man is, Wilbur?

Me?

Exactly.

And do you know
the moral of the story?

Yeah, nobody wants
a 70-year-old caddy.

Well, maybe you
don't mind being poor,

but you might think
of your poor little wife

taking in floors to wash.

I guess I'd better
think it over.

Bless you, son.

Thank you. Would you
do something for me?

What?

Water my flowers, Dad.

Great.

I'll call Foster and
get him to come over.

You really did it, doll!

Thank you, my de...

Ed, I don't know what to do.

If I don't apologize
to Mr. Foster,

I'll feel I'm letting
Carol down.

And if I do apologize
to him and get the job,

I don't think I could
stay with that man.

Ed, what would you do if
instead of being a horse,

you were a human being?

I'd grow two more
legs and a tail.

I don't blame you.

Even if I do apologize,

he may tell me to
go jump in a lake.

I wish he'd tell
you to go fly a kite.

Ed, you just made
yourself a deal.

Can't you run any faster?

I only have two legs.

Well, give it to me.
Some of us are luckier.

Where can Wilbur be?

I don't know.

Well, I hope he
gets here by 3:30

so he can apologize to Foster.

Yes, and time is so
valuable to Mr. Foster.

If Wilbur is one minute late,

- he might dock him
a week's pay.
- [vehicle approaches]

That must be my breadwinner now.

- [car door closes]
- Or should I say cake winner?

Well, Mr. Foster,
you're... you're early.

What kind of a nut
did you recommend?

That man's crazy.

Crazy, well, why...

I was driving by the park,

and here's my
future head architect

and what do you
suppose he's doing?

What?

- Flying a kite.
- Flying a kite?

Well, Wilbur wouldn't
be flying a kite.

Well, of course not.

They've already
invented electricity.

Oh, you must be mistaken.
Flying a kite in a park?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
you're... you're wrong.

Crazy mixed up people.

Oh, I hate to
spoil your fun, Ed,

but we've got to get going.

I've got an appointment
at 3:30 with Mr. Foster.

Turn down that creep, Wilbur.

I can't. Let's go, Ed.

Oh, Wilbur...
Oh! I lost my kite.

Don't worry, Ed. We'll get it.

Oh, I want my kite!

We'll get it, Ed. Let's go.

Oh, I want my kite!

[Carol] Wilbur, Wilbur!

Where are you going?

I'm chasing our kite.

Oh, of all the places
for your kite to land.

Keep going. Don't be chicken.

I don't think this
branch is gonna hold.

Think positive, Wilbur.

Is my kite all right?

Well, thanks to you, Ed,
I'm late seeing Mr. Foster.

I don't know how I'll
be able to face him.

Oh, Wilbur, never mind that.

What would you do if
you had to face a live lion?

I'd just play dead.

Start playing.

I have to...

[lion roaring]

Ed, that's a lion.

[Ed] That's what the sign says.

It also says do
not feed the lion.

Remember that, Wilbur.

[roaring]

Ed, I'm scared.

Don't be afraid
of animals, Wilbur.

We're your four-footed friends.

Their feet may be friendly,
but what about those teeth?

[roaring]

Just act nonchalant.

Nonchalant.

[whistling]

Walk slower. He'll hear
your knees knocking.

Ed, Ed!

Ed, get somebody.

You know I don't talk
to anybody but you.

[roaring]

Oh!

[Ed] Oh!

He's got my coat!

[Ed] Let him keep it.

Phone somebody!

I don't have a dime.

- [cloth rips]
- Aah!

Oh, Ed, Ed, do something.

All right. I'll see
what I can do.

Don't go away!

Don't be sore at me.
I see all your pictures.

Ed, Ed, do something!

Get away! Get away!

Get away, you screwball horse!

Come back here! Come back here!

[lion roaring]

Oh, excuse me.

Take it easy.

You can have the pants.
You keep the pants.

They may fit. I don't know.

Have no fear,
little Eddie's here.

Ed, Ed, do something, Ed.

[snarl]

Ed, Ed, please! Ed!

Here's a ladder, Wilbur.
The rest is up to you.

Hurry!

Just in time, Ed.

I didn't have much more to lose.

Hurry, Wilbur.

Step right down on my back.

[roaring]

Wilbur! Wilbur!

What were you doing in there?

And in your shorts?

Well, I was just trying
to stay ahead of the lion.

What?

It's a long story,
honey, and I...

Mr. Foster, I want to
talk to you about that job.

You get that man away from me.

No, honey, I don't want
you working for that man.

But security?

There's no real security
unless you're happy,

and I don't see how you
can be happy working for him.

Honey, every man should
have a wife just like you.

I agree.

What a character. [laughing]

Say, Mr. Lion, aren't
you glad you're in there

instead of out here with
all those goofy humans?

[roaring]

Yeah, you're so right.

Now step 3.

Oh, Wilbur, you know,
Carol's a wonderful woman

to tell you to turn
down that job.

I got the greatest
little wife in the world.

I agree.

In fact, I like her so much,

I'm gonna tell you something.

What?

You ought to devote
almost as much time to her

as you do to me.

All right, I will.

Ha ha ha. Kidding.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪