01x07 - Once a Son

[bunniefuu]

My name is Nicole Bradford.

This is Michael.
He's my father.

He works uptown.
He dresses in a suit.

This is Joey.
He's my other father.

He's an artist. We all live
in his loft downtown.

Michael and Joey
inherited me from my mom.

This is the judge
that put us together.

She says everything's
gonna work out fine.

And if they screw up,
I'll fix it.

? You can count on me ?

? No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me
No matter where you go ?

? I'm standing by your side
I'll be right behind ?

? No one loves you
More than I do ?

? Put your hand in mine ?

? You can count on me
No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me
No matter where you go ?

? You can count on me ?

[???]

I finished my paper. You want
to read and correct it?

It's what I live for.

"What I Want To Be
When I Grow Up,

By Nicole Bradford."
Did you come up with that?

"When I grow up I want
to be a beautician."

Honey, there's your
first mistake. Right there.

Why? I spelled
that right.

No. What you want to be
when you grow up,

is spelled "surgeon."

"Now, if I can't get into
beautician school--"

Surgeon school.

"and I can't be
a beautician--" Surgeon.

"Then I would be
very happy as a cashier."

I'd be very happy
as a surgeon.

You see the way
this is going, don't you?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

God has blessed me
today. Woo-hoo!

Good news?

The Hollander Art Gallery has
given me a one man show.

Michael,
my first art show.

This is the biggest--

This is the second biggest
surprise I've ever had.

Congratulations, Dad.

That is really terrific,
Joe. Really.

So people are going
to gather in one room,

and they're going
to look at all

these things that
are on our walls

and have made our home
the unique showplace that it is.

That's, uh...

That's, uh...

I can't stop my head, Joe.

I gotta tell everybody.

Wait'll you tell
your father.

He won't care.

Why not?

Because I'm not
gonna tell him.

Why not?

Because he won't care.

He never cared
about anything I do.

Well, now you've got
your big break,

and your father's got
to be proud of you.

No. Never. My father's
philosophy's always been,

"Either you make a steady income
or you're a bum."

He doesn't
understand passion.

He doesn't
understand the soul.

He doesn't understand
the inner workings of the mind.

Right, Michael?

Right. Either you make
a steady income or you're a bum.

What?

We gotta get
this stuff outta here.

That truck from the gallery's
gonna be here any minute.

Do we have to sell
this one?

I've always liked
this one.

Yeah, I know.
I get attached to them too.

And it means more to us than it
could ever mean to anyone else.

How much money can you
get for that, anyway?

That one, that's $.

So how do you know how much to
charge people for these things?

That's like
anything else.

The better they are,
the more I charge.

So how do you know how much to
charge people for these things?

Surprise.

There's a strange person
under me.

Hey, I'm no stranger.

I'm your grandpa.

Dad?

Hey, there's
my little Picasso.

[BOTH LAUGH]

What are you
doing here?

You think I'd miss
my son's first art show?

Yeah.

I've been waiting years for
something like this to happen.

Yeah.
I never thought it would,

but I've never been so happy
to say that I was wrong.

Hey.

I've never been
so happy to hear it.

How'd you know
about the show?

You could thank me later.

LOU: Mikey?
Hey, Mr. Harris.

Look at Mikey.

Look at you.

You're still growing,
aren't you?

Look at Mikey
in his fancy suit.

No, don't hug me.

[GROANS AND LAUGHS]

You're successful.
No, don't pick me up. Ha, ha.

I'm more successful
on the ground.

And look at Nicole.

Oh, you're gonna break a lot
of hearts one of these days.

So you're
Joey's father.

That makes you
my grandfather, possibly.

It doesn't matter which
one of these guys is your dad,

I'm still your grandfather,
because Joey's my boy.

Joey.

[LAUGHS]
he's just like my boy.

Mikey.

No, no, don't slap me
on the back. Ow!

Dad, Dad, so you
just dropped everything

and you flew out here
for the show?

Yeah.

[LAUGHING]

Go on, boys.

Go get my bag.

I've got a granddaughter
to meet.

Nicole.

Give me a hug.

Aah!

You know, if I didn't
know better,

I'd say he's proud of me.

Of course he's proud of you.
He's your father.

It doesn't work that
easy in my family.

After my mother d*ed,
I mean, everybody,

he shipped them
all out to Ohio.

Everybody went. They
got in his plumbing business.

They're doing pretty good.
They got their own trucks.

And now you're doing
pretty good too.

That's why he came out
to see you.

I think he's come out here
to see me fail.

I never used to understand
your father's art.

Look at this,
a dog with two hands

looking out
of a Venetian blind.

You know what
that says to me?

I still don't understand
your father's art.

Hey, Picasso, let me have
that bag over there.

Maybe there's something in here
for my little granddaughter...

Oh! Well, here it is.

You know, you didn't have
to get me anything.

You know why I did?

To make me
like you more?

Pretty much, yeah.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[GASPS]

Great bribe.

[GIGGLES]

Thank you, Grandpa.

I'm gonna go use this
right away.

That's the last
we see of her.

She's quite a kid, boys.
You should be proud.

We are.

I can't get over it, Jo-Jo.

You're finally getting
your life together.

I mean, for a long time there,
I was really worried about you.

You hear that, Jo-Jo?

Your father used to be
worried about you,

but now he's
not anymore. Okay?

I'm just going to sit here and
enjoy this warm family moment.

So how much
are they paying you?

Well,
that's enough for me.

I'm going to go see
if the kid's all right.

We've only had her a month
and not sure how she works yet.

So come on, how much
are they paying you?

Well, they don't
pay me up front.

How much I make depends
on how much I sell.

Oh, you don't get paid

unless you sell
one of these things?

Well, Mikey's doing all right,
isn't he?

Here it comes...

What does he do, anyway?

He's a financial advisor
for some big company.

BOTH:
You used to be good at math.

No, I wasn't, Dad.

No, this is the way
art shows work.

No, no, no.
I understand.

You're like a salesman
on commission.

But, if you worked for me,
you'd have a regular salary.

Four and a half minutes.
You're slowing down, Dad.

I am talking
full partnership here.

I am talking
your own truck.

A minute ago you were
talking like I was Picasso.

A minute ago I thought
somebody was paying you.

What is this
thing here?

How much do you charge
for something like this?

That's bucks.

What?

Joey.

A good sink
costs a couple hundred.

People need sinks.

They don't need dogs looking out
of venetian blinds.

I hate that
they're fighting.

Can't you make
them stop?

Nicole,
it's a family matter.

It's not right for me
to interfere.

"What I Want To Be
When I Grow Up,

By Nicole Bradford,

MD."

Uncle Lou...

I just think you should be
paid for your work.

Hey, that's not the way
the gallery does it, okay?

Where is this gallery?

Czechoslovakia?

Mr. Harris, I may not know about
art, but I do know what I like.

Lots of people
think he's good.

If he was good
he'd have a job.

If he was good,
he'd have a steady income.

He has neither.

He has a daughter who loves him
no matter what he does.

I don't mean any disrespect,
Grandpa, but...

I'm Joey's relative too.

You're right.

Really?

Absolutely.

You see this
smiling face, Joseph?

Financial failure now affects
more than just you.

I take care of Nicole
just fine.

If I were rich, would that
make me a better father?

Or son?

Would that mean
that I'm a better artist?

You can't call
yourself an artist

unless you can make
a living at it.

You're a father now,
if not for your sake,

at least for your daughter,

don't you think
you ought to take up

the art of learning how
to make a living?

JOEY:
So when tomorrow night comes,

my show's a big success,
and I make lots of sales,

then I'm an artist.
Then I'm a father.

Then you accept me?

You make one sale at those
prices, I'll call you an artist.

Hey, let me
get this straight.

I sell one piece to one person,
and you get off my back forever.

Deal.

But if you don't
sell anything,

I want you to give up
this artist nonsense,

I want you to come home,
and be a plumber

like the rest of your
brothers and sisters.

Wait a minute.
I want to shake on that.

Because you just
lost yourself a bet, Dad.

Okay? You lost
yourself a bet.

Because anybody who knows
the New York artistic community

knows that these prices
are right.

And anybody who knows
the slightest thing about art

can see a mile away that I am
on the cusp of my own destiny.

How many times
have I told you

not to leave your garbage
in the hall?

[???]

[???]

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Michael.

Hey, Mr. Harris.
How's it going here?

Are you kidding?
Look at all the people.

Hordes and hordes
of people.

I've never seen this
many people at an art show.

And they're all here
to see your son's work.

No sales yet, huh?

Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.

Cheer up, Dad.

Things are going
to start to get better.

Oh, how could
they get worse?

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.

Hi, judge.

Oh, hi, sweetie.

Hi, judge.
Thanks for coming.

Well, you needed some help,
and I needed some art.

Oh, really?

Well, you've come
to the right place.

What exactly did you
have in mind?

An abstract, maybe,
or new wave realism?

Something with orange in it.

Okay, just come
with me.

Judge, hi.

Nice to see ya.

Buy something.

Uh, Dad.
This is Judge Wilbur.

Judge, this is
my father.

Margaret.
Lou Harris.

You're the lady
in Joey's building, huh?

My building. I own it.

You're my son's
landlord?

As well as the judge
who gave us Nicole.

LOU:
That's quite a coincidence.

No, we don't think
of it as coincidence.

We think of it as fate,
laughing like hell.

Judge, what do you think?
Orange.

Not bad.

Not bad at all, Joey.
Thank you.

How much?

JOEY:
That's .

Twelve hundred what?

Twelve hundred times
I told him, be a plumber.

Margaret, maybe your building
could use some new sinks.

Talk to me.

Okay.
I'm a plumber.

No. It's still early.

Things are going
to start to get better.

Fine. If they do, I'll be in
the john learning my trade.

You're making
a mistake, pal.

And you know it.

So can we forget this false
pride thing and face the facts?

You're an artist,
and you always will be.

How do you adjust the tension
on this little floaty thing?

Would you get your head out
of the toilet

and listen to me, please?

No, you listen to me, Michael.

You know, I've been
taking ribbing from guys

like you and my father for
a long time. And that's okay.

'Cause I didn't think you knew
what you were talking about.

But those people
out there, they do.

And if I can't make
an impact on them,

then maybe you guys
were right all along.

Maybe it was right for
Joey Harris to be an artist,

but maybe it's right for
Nicole's father to be a plumber.

No, no, no.
We're not right.

We don't know what
we were talking about.

Joe, what do I know about art?

On my office wall,
I have one painting.

Of wheat.

But you like it.

But I don't think of it as art,
I think of it as bread.

Michael, if you don't mind,

I've got a lot of studying
to do here.

[TOLIET FLUSHES]

What happened?

You heard that flush?

That was Joey's art career.

There's got to be
something we can do.

There's still
a lot of people here.

We just need one of them
to buy one piece.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

What do I do
for a living?

I sell investments,
right?

Art is an investment.

Watch-- Watch and learn.

But you don't know
anything about art.

It's a beauty,
isn't it?

It's a car.

Well, on the surface,
sure.

But if we probe deeper,
do we not, in fact,

find something--
Something deeper?

We find it's something
like existentialism.

It's existential.
It's about how we exist.

And... And sex.

It's about sex.

Sex is why we exist.

See, if there were no more sex,
then there'd be no more people.

And then, there'd be
no more sex.

This is very deep.

It really is.

I mean, sex and
existence...

Sex and existence, that's what
this piece is saying.

Too bad.

I thought it was
a neat car.

A fabulous night,
isn't it, Margaret?

Tonight's the night
I get my son back.

How do you mean?

This artistic
dream of his.

This art show is going to help
him get it out of his system.

You have any
children, Margaret?

I never married.

Why is that?

I haven't found the man who has
the right combination.

Oh.

What's the right
combination?

Money and coma.

Of course I like it.

I love it.

But look at that price.

But look at that
existentialism and sex.

My father made me say it.

I tried real hard, Michael.

Me too.

You sell anything?

A couple of mutual funds.

I think it's never too late
for a parent to do

what's right for his kid.

You know, I think you'd make
a great parent, Margaret.

Not as good as
one particular parent

I never had
the pleasure of meeting.

Who's that?

This woman...

who fell in love
with two terrific guys.

And the guys are both
in love with her.

Then she dies and she leaves
her child to both of them.

She didn't know
who the father was.

No.

Because she knew that one
of the terrific guys

was down-to-earth and the other
terrific guy had his sights

on the moon and the stars,
and between these two guys,

the kid would get
one terrific bringing up.

You think I'm wrong?

I think it's never too late
to do what's right for a kid.

Judge.

Sweetie.

You see, the problem is that
the people who like Joey's stuff

didn't come here to buy,
and the people who would buy,

don't get Joey's stuff.

I'm one of the people who
doesn't get Joey's stuff.

Maybe you can help me?

I mean,
like this for example.

Oh, well, that, of course,
is, obviously...

What the hell is that?

It's a lady.

A lady what?

See those hearts?

They're her eyes because she
looks at everything with love.

And look at the crystal ball
she's wearing.

A vision of two soldiers
sh**ting at each other.

It's tearing her apart.

See the cracks in her face?

The crystal ball is a locket.

The two soldiers are
her husband and son.

It's their
constant quarreling

that's causing those cracks
in her face.

[???]

Oh, my God.

That's my wife.

Sex and existence.

That's what this
piece is saying.

I don't see
that at all.

Death and defiance.
That's what it's really saying.

No.

Alienation and despair?

Siskel and Ebert?

Peaches and Herb?

Fruit and fiber?

It's the many
varied interpretations

that make the piece all that
more intriguing to me.

Young man, you may have just
swayed me into purchasing this.

Really?

Son.

Hey, Dad.

Look what I did.

Forget that.

Listen. I was looking at one

of your paintings,
and I got it.

I understood it...

and I liked it.

Well, that's nice, Dad.

But I still didn't make a sale.

Now how about that toilet, huh?

But you did make a sale.

To me.

I want to buy that painting
of your mother.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I know what you're doing.

I don't want your pity.

MICHAEL:
Joey.

This gentleman would like to buy
this sculpture. Right here.

And I don't want your
pity either. No, forget it.

It's not for sale.
Nothing's for sale.

Okay? Everybody out. Out.

You want to pay me, call me
when your drain gets clogged.

I'm sure there's been
a misunderstanding.

I find this piece
rather provocative.

I would like
to purchase it.

You don't even know
what it means.

I do so know
what it means.

Oh, yeah? What?

Well, there are many
various interpretations...

You're already
making excuses.

Mine is that
it's a metaphysical statement

about man's insignificance.

And?

And his inability to comprehend
his place in the universe.

What kind of universe?

A parallel universe.

What kind
of parallel universe?

A silly one?

That's right.

That's right.

Well, it's yours.

You can pay
the cashier.

[LAUGHS]

I did it, Dad, huh?

I'm proud of you, son.

[LAUGHS]
Hey.

[???]

[???]