01x17 - She'll Get Over It

[bunniefuu]

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Look at you.

You're happy, excited,
and not grumbling.

Either he sold some art,

or Bazooka Joe
is particularly funny today.

Nah, terrible day,
terrible day.

Sales were dismal,
I'm a wreck, right?

When I think things
are never gonna get better,

bang, this guy walks up to me
and tells me my neon sculpture's

a piece of garbage.

He hated the colors.
He laughed at the price.

He said it was trash.

Okay, I'm scared.
You can both stop now.

No, Dad.
He hated the sculpture,

but he loved the subject
of the sculpture.

Me.

So?

So he's a modeling agent, and
he thinks I should be a model.

Modeling, Joe?

Hey, isn't that great?

This would be for, like,
school uniforms

with high collars
and a lot of buttons?

Like that. Yeah.

Yeah?
Hey, everybody.

Want to see my
French bikini pose?

[???]

NICOLE:
This is me, Nicole Bradford.

Cute, huh?

This is my Dad.
And this is my Dad.

How'd I get two dads?
They inherited me.

Congratulations.
It's a girl.

Here's the judge
who brought us together.

She lives in our building.
My building. I own it.

NICOLE:
we're one big happy family,

with one dad
who's down-to-earth,

and one dad with
his head in the clouds.

I-- I think we're
father of the year.

? You can count on me
No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me
No matter where you go ?

? I'm standing by your side
I'll be right behind ?

? No one loves you
More than I do ?

? Put your hand in mine ?

? You can count on me
No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me
No matter where you go ?

? You can count on me ?

No, no, modeling.
It's out of the question.

Will you calm down, okay?
Don't get yourself worked up.

I checked the guy out already.
Guy's a reputable model agent.

Oh, yeah?
Tell me something...

how many rings
was this guy wearing?

How big was his hat?

I checked him out.
I checked him out.

You know these-- Those
fake fingernail commercials?

This guy represents
the hands.

And he's sending me on
my first interview tomorrow.

I hope they think
I'm pretty.

Are you kidding me?

I don't know about this,
I gotta tell you.

You know, when I was young, I
toyed with being a model myself.

Really?
Sure.

When you got gams like mine,
why hide 'em?

But I reached a time
when I had to make a choice.

Either lounge
on exotic beaches

and do photo sessions
with gorgeous men,

or send scum to
the Big House.

I went for the job
that was more fun.

Hey, wanna help me put together
my wardrobe for tomorrow?

Sure.

Hey, Judge.

I know. I know.

Very long skirts.

Very high socks.

Don't forget
the turtleneck.

I-I can't believe that
you did something like this

without asking me.
I'm against this, Joe.

Come on, Michael,
it's a little print ad.

Oh, yeah, sure, today
it's A & P fliers

and tomorrow it's the Sports
Illustrated swimsuit issue.

She's gonna be in
the magazine racks at the -.

Truck drivers are gonna
walk up to the counter,

and they're gonna go, "Yeah,
let me have two sixes of Bud

and a Nicole Bradford,
please."

Gee, won't I be
a proud pappy?

You see my face, huh?

This is my "You're being
ridiculous" look.

Yeah. I'm being ridiculous?
Oh, well, I'm sorry.

Let me try and be happy.
My daughter's gonna be a model.

Yippee.

Nobody said you gotta be
involved, okay, Michael?

Hey, this is your baby.
All right. You're in charge.

I am not involved.

Where is that
casting director?

She's been keeping our daughter
waiting over an hour.

Dad, please,
don't embarrass me.

I'm not here
to embarrass you.

I'm here cause high fashion
is big business.

Big business. You got a lot
of sharks, and con men,

and people who want
to take advantage of you.

Hey, Michael,
it's a sock ad.

It's a polyester sock ad.

Oh, you know, waiting's
just part of the game.

I know 'cause my Ginger's been
modeling for years and years.

You know, the trick is to make
the most of this time.

Ginger, tell the nice man how
you make the most of this time.

Power meditation.

Well, thank you for sharing.

My little one's
quite an accomplished girl.

Oh, is she?

Uh-huh.
Tell them, Ginger.

[SIGHS]
in classical ballet,

four in drama--

And a year of Kabuki
at Julliard.

Mm.

I'm gonna read now.

Ballet?

Drama? Kabuki?
I'm scared.

And that's just the tip
of the iceberg.

Her awards, plaques,
and trophies,

you could fit them
in a truck.

Speaking of which--

Don't tell me. Ginger can
drive the big rigs.

Dads, I don't belong here.

I'm way out of
that girl's league.

Uh, Nicole Bradford?
Yes.

Honey, you're not gonna
wear that, are you?

Dads, I can't go
in there.

I can't go in there.
I'm too nervous.

Hey, sweetheart, listen,
hey, we love you,

and you are gonna
do just great.

Oh, that's very inspiring.
Wanna step aside?

Listen, they're just trying
to play hardball.

They're trying to psyche
you out. Don't be afraid.

When you get
inside there,

there is nothing to fear,
but fear itself.

Fear and stinky feet.

Now you sure you want to go
through with this?

All right. I want you
to concentrate,

give me that
Nicole Bradford smile,

You get in there.
Knock their socks off.

You go get 'em,
honey. Come on.

Thanks, Dads.

They want to play
hardball, fine.

Michael, come on.

I just hope Ginger's
wearing a batting helmet.

Looks like your little one
has a bad case of "the nerves."

No, no, that's just
Nicole's usual dilemma.

"Which foreign language
should I greet them in?

And, if Chinese,
which dialect?"

Your daughter
speaks Chinese?

Oh, well, just
Cantonese and Mandarin.

Her Szechuan's been slipping
since she's been

training
for the Olympics.

The Olympics.

That's right. Pentathlon.
Lot of running.

She's got very strong legs.
Strong calves. Strong feet.

Great sock ad material.

Well, your daughter is lovely
in a raw sort of way.

Oh, well, that's
the tomboy in her.

She just got through rolling
a couple kids from Julliard.

Nicole, you were wonderful.
You were simply wonderful.

Dads, it worked. I went
in there, I gave them

my best Nicole Bradford
smile, and I'm in.

Excuse me,
she's got it?

Oh, she did very well.

How very well?

Well, we're really not
supposed to say.

But let me just add
that she did very well.

In fact, I think she'd
be perfect. Ginger.

Hey, sweetheart, all right.
You did great. I'm proud of you.

Excuse me. I don't know--
I don't know if you heard her.

She thinks Nicole
would be perfect.

Which means Ginger has got
to be better than perfect.

Woo! And, boy,
just thinking about it

gives me a bad case
of "the nerves."

[???]

Sweetie, sounds like you
found yourself a career.

They said I had the best instep
they'd seen all day.

I could die.

Here you go, Nicole.

A free Klawicki's shake
to celebrate your first job.

Thank you,
Mr. Klawicki.

You know, Nicole, I don't talk
about this much, but, uh,

I did a little
modeling myself.

Really?

Yeah, back in
my football days.

Remember when Joe Namath
posed in pantyhose?

I did one of those.

Weren't you embarrassed to be
seen on TV like that?

No, these were radio spots.

So you didn't actually have
to wear the pantyhose?

You're right.

Hi, Nicole.
How'd it go today?

I got the job.

Christie Brinkley,
clean out your locker.

Great. Terrific. Your career
is really taking off.

I couldn't be happier.

Oh, thanks. I gotta call Rebecca
with the good news.

It'll k*ll her.

That's it. I'm history.

Put Cory Kupkus
in the archives.

Problem?

Yes, there's a problem.

See, I know what's
gonna happen.

Nicole's gonna end up
as a great model,

and then move to Hollywood.

I couldn't compete
with those guys.

They're not even guys...

they're dudes.

Don't worry.

Nicole's not going
anywhere.

And even if she did,
she'd keep in touch.

Oh, sure. She'll have her
people call my people.

Well, you know
something, Judge,

I don't have people.

Calm down, honey.

How about if I buy you
a milkshake?

I'm sorry, Judge, but..

milkshakes hold too many
painful memories.

We gotta talk.
Uh-oh.

Bad news. I can read it
in his eyebrows.

It's like the hair over
his eyes stands up and spells:

"I am the Messenger
of Death."

Are your eyebrows
the messenger of death?

I'm afraid so.

Hey, Dad.
How's it going?

Uh-oh. Eyebrows.

Sit down, sweetheart,
sit down a second.

I just, uh, talked
to the casting lady.

Oh, no...

They changed the ad.

It was gonna be just feet.

Now they sort of want
the person's face

looking at the feet.

And my face isn't good enough
to look at my feet?

Hey, hey,
what do they know?

They know faces.

I knew it the minute
I walked in there.

All those girls
are so beautiful.

How could
I possibly compete?

You know...you really gotta do
something about those eyebrows.

[???]

I used to think
I looked okay.

Nicole, it's a sock ad.

What do they
know about looks?

They deal in feet.

They think pretty means
nothing between the toes.

They think I'm ugly.
No.

They think people are going
to look at my face

and go buy somebody
else's socks.

That's not it.

If you need me,
I'll be

in the bell tower
at Notre Dame.

Well...

We got a little girl
up there

that's not feeling good
about herself.

Boy, it's tough
to be .

I guess when
you're that age--

I mean, we were all pretty
insecure about our looks, right?

How about if I make coffee?

Oh, please. Come on.

You mean to tell me you
never stood in front of a mirror

and wondered if any girl
would ever date you?

Regular or decaf?

Come on, you just sailed
through adolescence, right?

There wasn't--
There wasn't one moment,

there wasn't one
isolated incident--

Okay. I got it.
I got it.

We were and you came in with
this enormous zit on your neck.

That was a hickey.

From a cheerleader.

Just make the coffee,
all right?

Hey, you know something,

we gotta let her
have some time.

Either she's gonna
forget all about

this modeling thing, or she's
gonna take it serious.

If she does, she's gonna find
out it's a tough world out there

and there's not
too many shortcuts, right?

[???]

Smile, sweetheart.

Beautiful.

More blush. See if you can do
something with the hair.

Isn't this great?

They're doing something
with my hair.

Did you hear what he said,
sweetheart? Beautiful.

And you were worried
about your looks.

Just think of all
the other girls that

you had to b*at out
for this part.

Now, are you talented
and pretty, or what?

Thanks, Dad. I just hope
I don't mess up.

Hey, what's to mess up?
You got one line.

"Mm, boy, that's tasty."

You must've said that
a million times in the car.

I know I'm hungry.

But this isn't
just a TV commercial.

It's a TV commercial
with Scott Cameo.

All right, okay, okay.

I know, just because he's a big
star, okay, he's a regular guy.

He gets in his limo one leg at
a time just like the rest of us.

Hmm...

[GASPS]
Better.

All right, now,
Nicole, darling,

I want you to go
down to wardrobe.

Tell them I want to see you
in the green skirt.

I'm going down to wardrobe.

Did you see her face?

It's so nice to see
Nicole happy again.

Great, huh?
It's amazing.

This thing comes
right out of the blue.

Yeah, what are the odds.
What are the odds?

Here's Nicole down in the dumps,
feeling like an ugly duckling,

and suddenly she gets cast
in a commercial for Dippi Cakes

which is owned by Perry Cannon
who, coincidentally enough,

is my best client.

Your client?

Oops, it's out
of the bag now.

Michael,
you rigged this?

I didn't rig this.
I saved the day.

I snatched victory
from the jaws of defeat.

I helped a little girl
get her self-esteem back,

and I will pause now
for your praise.

What are you
going to do, huh?

Every time Nicole
feels a little disappointed,

what are you gonna do?
You gonna step in

and rig her life?

Well, that's certainly
my intent.

Look, I couldn't stand it
anymore. I missed the smiles.

I missed the laughter.

Hey, Dad, isn't this great?
I missed that.

Hey, that's great,
sweetheart.

Nicole, I'd like you
to meet the spokesman

for Dippi Cakes...

Scott Cameo.
Hello, Nicole.

Scott, it is so great
to meet you.

You are the best actor
on TV.

You and Alf.

Alf.

Always Alf...

I'd like you to meet
my dad, Joey.

How you doin'?
Hey, hey, hey, love your series.

And my other dad,
Michael Taylor.

I read a lot.

You got two dads?

You know, that's a great idea
for a television show.

Nah.
Stupid premise.

Listen, you want
to run over our lines?

All right.

But I'd rather run over
your girlfriend.

[LAUGHS]

ZANE:
Okay.

Dippi Cakes.
Take one.

Marker.

Excuse me, Zane.

Don't you think you should give
Nicole a little motivation?

[GASPS]
Okay. Honey...

you're eating cake.

And...action.

Mm. Boy, that's tasty.
It sure is, Nicole.

Hi, I'm Scott Cameo
and you know, kids,

after school,
a glass of milk is great.

But you know what
makes it even better?

Is pouring it all
over the table.

ZANE:
Cut.

[CHUCKLES]
Scott, I'd like to give you

just one teensy adjustment.

Do you think I should pour
the milk in the glass?

That would be
my choice.

See, that's not
so tough.

Hey, uh, Zane, I was just
thinking, if you move--

My thought exactly.

Okay, everybody.

He agrees.

This is the one.

Dippi Cakes.
Take two.

Marker.
And...action.

Mm. Boy, that's tasty.

It sure is, Nicole.

Hi, I'm Scott Cameo
and you know, kids,

after school,
a glass of milk is great,

but you know what makes
it even better?

Dipping a chocolatey smooth,
creme-filled Dippi Cake.

Oops...

Cut.

I like mine mushy.

[CHUCKLES]
Right. Third time's the charm.

Right, Mr. $,-A-Day?

And...

Marker.
Action.

Mm. Boy, that's tasty.

It sure is, Nicole.

Hi, I'm Scott Cameo.

After school, a glass
of milk is great, but

you know what makes
it even better?

A chocolatey smooth
creme-filled Dippi Cake.

That's Dippi Cake.

Now kids go out
and tell your Mom

that Scott says buy a case.

Right now.

Love it. Print it.
That's a wrap.

Great, Nicole.
You can go sign out.

Oh, come here.

You-- You were terrific.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

You are so great.

Better than Alf?

Yeah.

Thank you.
[LAUGHS]

Hey, you know, in that
last take, she just had

this like, creme ball
on her nose.

Worked for me.

Wait a second.
Isn't that going

to be seen by
millions of people?

No. It's just for you.

This wasn't
the real commercial.

Look, Mr. Cannon just told me
to sh**t your little girl

with Scott so she'd have a tape
to show all her friends.

Didn't you
like the performance?

I thought she was
real good, but she had

this big creme ball
on her nose.

No, kidding, seriously,
this is a tough business.

You don't just make
a phone call

and get somebody
a national commercial.

It takes years
of training.

I've got a pro
to do this spot.

Honey, you learned
your line?

Don't rush me, Daddy.

[???]

Okay, I screwed up, Joe.

Not just a single screw-up
do I make, but a double-botch.

A deluxe screw-up
with cheese.

Not only do I not
get her over the sock thing,

but then I don't get her into
a commercial that she was never

in in the first place.

You must be in Joey Heaven.

Come on, let me have it.
I deserve it.

Hey, Michael,
I think Nicole's

very lucky to have
you as a father.

Sarcasm.

You dog.

I'm serious, Michael,
I'm serious.

If I had the contacts,

I probably would've done
the same thing too.

So you're not mad at me
for trying to rig her life?

I was. But now I'm happy
that you couldn't.

I mean, I would've hated
to think that

for her whole life
you were gonna be able

to arrange things for her
that I can't.

I wish it would've
worked out better.

I know you feel bad.

So why don't we just go up there
and make her feel better, huh?

We don't need contacts
for that, do we?

What did you do,
send out for insight?

What?

"What?"

No more what's,
no more huh's.

There's something going
on in there.

Which is great.
Only thing is, I screwed up

and I need to be att*cked,
not coddled by kindness

by some sudden
intellectual.

Now, your role
is to att*ck me.

Now come on.
And...action.

Hey, the only thing
that's important right now,

is that we make our girl
feel better about herself.

You are really honking me
off here. Come on.

And I see no reason
why you should tell her

that you rigged
the commercial

or set the whole thing up,
or that she never had a sh*t.

Joe!

You stupid moron.

Thank you.

Nick, would you
come down here?

I think she may be
worse off than we thought.

Yes, Dads.

Sweetheart...

Sweetheart, hey, come on,
listen, I know you're feeling

really down about yourself
right now, and for some reason

you don't think you're
the most beautiful girl.

Well, Michael and I are here
to tell you that you're wrong.

That's very sweet,
but you're my dads,

and it's your job to say that.
Nicole--

Look, I got a part
in a commercial.

But they saw me in person,

they decided to go
with somebody else.

Why? Because
I'm just not pretty.

How else do you explain it?

Because Michael
rigged the spot,

and you never had
in the first place.

I thought we agreed
we weren't going to say that?

Follow me on
this one, will ya?

I got no choice.

Don't you see, Nick?

If you never had the spot,
then you never were rejected.

They had somebody else
for the part all along.

So that means that they didn't
think that you weren't pretty.

Right. Exactly.
He's exactly right.

But what about the sock ad
when they decided my feet

are prettier than my face?

Your turn.

Well, what, did
the smart pill wear off?

Huh?

Look, sweetheart,

look, I'm your father,
and I know you think

that makes me biased,
but I gotta tell you,

when I'm at the office,
or on the street,

or-- Or in this house,
or anywhere, somebody says

the word "beautiful," I'm
thinking this face right here.

Nice try.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

I got it.

Just a minute.

Hey, Cory,
how are ya?

I'm fine, Mr. Harris.
Can I speak to Nicole?

Yeah, sure,
I wish somebody could.

All right.

Nicole, I don't care
if you're not going

to be on that commercial,
you're still more beautiful

than any girl I know.

Really?

Yeah. And I'm not
just saying that.

I, uh, I wrote it
on my notebook.

Dads, can me and Cory go down to
Klawicki's and get a milkshake?

Yeah...yeah.

Joe, how come when
he says it, she buys it?

I'm just trying
to figure out how the guy

knew to come up here
at exactly the right time

and say exactly
the right thing.

You're welcome.

[???]

[???]