02x11 - Together We Stand

[bunniefuu]

Omelets, muffins,
the occasion, Nicole?

My dads are starting
at the magazine today.

That's right.

Michael and Joey are
Together.

All day.
Together.

In the same place.

I get the picture.

There's nothing like
a hearty breakfast

when you're going
to k*ll each other.

Well, I feel I have this
new responsibility

to make their lives
a little easier

now that they're going
to support me.

So I plan to take
on the cooking,

the cleaning, and all
of the household duties.

That's very rare

to find a teenage girl

with such
a self-sacrificing attitude.

Very rare.

I don't think
I'm buying it.

What's really going on?

Fresh ground pepper?

Well, today is the first day
of the rest of my career!

Morning, Dad.
Morning, Dad.

And what a morning it is!

New job! First day!

You can't b*at that!

And, you know,
by definition,

first days only happen
to stop

and savor every moment.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

Michael, Nicole is
a little concerned

that you and Joey
may experience

some difficulty
getting along at work.

Soothe her troubled soul.

Sweetheart...

Sweetheart...

Sweetheart...

You know, Michael,
working in an office.

I'm worried about Joey.

I hope you're gonna
do everything you can

to make this job thing
as easy on him as possible.

Honey, it couldn't
be any easier.

He's got the easiest
boss in the world.

Me. Me.

The business manager,
the office manager,

the Joey manager,
I'll be there personally

to guide him in
this transition

from bearded indigent
to corporate star.

And I'll betcha Joey's just
as excited about this as I am.

Isn't that right, Joey?

Hey, I'm not going
and you can't make me.

? You can count on me

? No matter what you do

? You can count on me

? No matter where you go

? I'm standing by your side

? I'll be right behind

? No one loves you
more than I do

? Put your hand in mine

? I can see
a part of me in you

? A little something special
that comes shining through

? I hear it in your laughter

? And I feel it
when you cry

? I will be
right there for you

? Until the day I die

? You can count on me

? No matter what you do

? You can count on me

? No matter where you go

? You can count on me ?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

This is it, Joe.

The executive offices
magazine.

Our new corporate arena.

What do you think?

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

This is where you're
gonna learn to navigate

the stormy seas of
American business.

And this is your
captain speaking.

Now, what's the first
thing you need to know?

I need to know who d*ed
and made you captain?

Joe, I have a little
in the private sector.

Yeah, yeah.
Equal partners, Michael.

That's what we said.
I said I'd take this job

under the condition that
And another thing.

You know, I mean,
big loft

and I'm used
to that, right?

I walk in here,
it's crowded...

I hate this. I quit.

You're being just
a little bit whiny.

No. I don't know
here, Michael.

(CHUCKLES) I'm an artist!
Yeah.

This is
a financial magazine.

What do I know
about financial?

How do I draw financial?

Is this what you
mean by whiny?

No, this is panic.
This is new.

Look, Joe, you wanted
artistic freedom, right?

You wanted to
be in control.

You're in control.

You are in charge
art department.

You... You are the
art department!

It's a great position
to be in, Joe.

You're in the artistic
driver's seat.

So take your seat,
and drive!

Ow!
What's the matter?

There's something sticking
straight out of this chair.

It's an office chair, Joe.
office chair before.

Yeah, well,
Joe...

Joe.
Try it.

Ow!
There. See.

You're right.

We either fix
this chair or, uh,

we put a little
plastic glove on it.

Hey, you don't
like this chair,

I give you another chair.

Oh, yeah, what
about that guy?

Don't worry about that
of corporate life.

First come,
first get the good stuff.

I was here first.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Hi.
Hi. Can I help you?

Are you Mr. Kelcher?

Uh, quite possibly.

HERB:
Knock it off, Taylor!

Right up those steps.

Thank you.

Hmm. Kelcher must be
interviewing receptionists.

And that must
be her desk...

Right next to the
artistic driver's seat.

I love my work.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Boy, oh, boy,
I envy you. I really do.

I mean, you're going to
at the water cooler

and I'm gonna be
in this office.

Oh, so this is
your office, huh?

Yeah.

It's not as close to
I'll tell you that,

but, you know,
it'll have to do.

How do I look?

You look like
the boss, Michael.

You're such
a sensitive guy.

Come on,
Kelcher's the boss.

But, you know,
kinda boss,

and you know how
he feels about me,

so you know, he's just gonna
way he wants things run.

Hey, equal partners.

You're so sensitive.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

HERB: Taylor. Harris.

We're doomed, Taylor.

You know why?
I'll tell you why.

We know nothing about
the magazine business.

We're just three rosy-eyed
lugs with a crazy dream.

Hey! I thought you knew
you bought this magazine.

Of course I did.
You were gonna draw it,

you were gonna sell it,
I was gonna play golf.

Now I'm thinking,
"Who's gonna do the writing?

"The editing?
dream a magazine?"

We need to hire
a managing editor.

Managing editors don't
come cheap, Taylor.

And I'm not a bottomless pit
as far as I want you to know.

So, where do we
come up with the cash?

Well, let me work with
the budget. That's my job.

And if need be, we'll
our own salaries.

What?
piece of the profits.

Which gives you more cash
now to hire this editor guy,

and motivates us more to
for you later

because now a small
piece of it goes to us.

How small?
Eensy.

Eensy weensy.
Done!

Hardball. I love it.

Am I brilliant, or what?

Joe, do you see why
I deserve this office?

Hey, Michael, what did
you just say to him, huh?

I mean, he's hardly
to start with.

That's why we both have
to work in the first place.

Joe, look,
I'm gambling on us.

Now, if this magazine is
successful, so are we.

'Cause we own a piece
We're part owners.

Joe, it's the best deal
Be happy.

Hey, I haven't seen one
thing that I'm happy about.

Boys!

Never mind.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Meet Karen Martin,

the newest addition
to our little staff.

Hi. Joey Harris.

Art director.

In charge of all
art direction.

Welcome aboard.
Hello.

And I'll be looking
very closely with you.

And I want you to
know that, uh...

My stapler is your stapler.

Thank you.

But, uh,

I think this one
will do nicely.

And an excellent choice
that is!

Because as anyone
can plainly see,

this is the far more urbane
and better dressed stapler.

So, anytime you
have a desire to...

To unite two crisp
sheets of quality bond

into a wholly satisfying,

glorious inter-office
communication,

well, feel free to
call on my stapler,

anytime, day or night.

I work late.
(CHUCKLES)

I'm happy to hear that.

Because we're going to
long hours

to get this magazine
off the ground.

Yes, Herb.

I think this office
will do nicely.

(CHUCKLES)

"Yes, Herb"?

"Office nicely"?

Well, what an awkward
moment for you guys.

And now that Karen,
and your new boss

is comfortably installed
in her new office,

why don't we get to work?

And when I say "we",
I mean you.

I tee off in an hour.

Comfortable.

Hey. Hey. Come back!

My chair. Mine.

Okay...

You made breakfast,

you've cleaned the house,

and now you're
ironing clothes

when normally you'd
with your friends.

What's really going on?

Cory on his way up.

Whatever I say,
play along.

Hello, Nicole. Shelby.

Judge.

I, uh...

Was just stopping by to
nothing of consequence

on my social calendar
this Saturday night.

I am completely clear,

and I just wanted
you to know that.

What's Saturday night?

The Sadie Hawkins Dance
at school.

Shut up, I'll flatten you.

You know. Where the
the boys.

I'm a boy.

Uh-huh.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Don't answer that.
Don't answer that.

Oh, hi, Zach.

Hi.

You are an evil,

vile, witchy woman!

What's your point?

Kupkus!

Zach.

What do you think
you're doing here?

Same thing you are.

Being free on
Saturday night.

Look, Cory, Zach,

I'm real sorry but I'm not
the Sadie Hawkins Dance

because my dads
specifically told me that

while they're working
I have to stay

and do my household duties
Saturday night.

Right, Judge?

Uh-huh.

Come on, kids, let's go.

Let's leave Nicole to
ironing board.

I love you, Judge.

Hi, Dad, how was your day?

Gee, I used to
really love that.

That was my favorite thing
about having a daughter.

I would come home,
and you would say,

"How was your day, Dad?"

I used to really look
forward to that.

That's over.

Ask me. Ask me.

How was your day, Dad?

Well, Nick, today I got
my first assignment.

I will be designing
the cover.

I will be establishing
of the magazine.

I had a good day.
I like my work.

Huh? And what do
you have to do?

I have to listen to him go,
my work.

"I had a good day,
I like my work."

You're just upset, Michael,
because you're not the boss.

Well, Michael, if it'll
make you feel any better,

you can be the boss of me.

Like, if you said, "Nicole,

"you have to stay in
I say so."

That'd be fine, 'cause
you're the boss.

Hey, that's exactly the
he likes, Nick.

He tells you what
to do and you do it.

Except we're supposed
to be working together

on this presentation
for the first issue.

And pardon me,

but I thought
working together means

I get to come up with
some of my own ideas.

No. 'Cause I listened
to your ideas.

And they're bad.
They're bad, Joe.

They're not practical,
we can't do them.

Oh.
Why, 'cause you say so?

No, because I'm right!

Dads, you're supposed
to be working together here.

We tried, we can't.
Big surprise.

No, the big surprise is
that we got a new boss

that looks at you
and me as equals.

I think that's k*lling you.
Tell me I'm wrong.

Oh, yeah... That's...
That's really k*lling me.

That's... (COUGHING)

Hey, I got a job where
I'm appreciated.

I got a boss who's
valuing my talent.

I mean, tomorrow
of the rest of my career.

(LAUGHS) What do
you think about that?

I'm not going in and
you can't make me.

Michael, I'm trying to
presentation.

Your pants are making
together sound.

Oh, you're talking
to me again now?

No, I'm not talking to you,
I'm talking to your pants.

Sit 'em down
and shut 'em up.

I don't know who
she thinks she is.

Or who she thinks I am?
Some guy out of the mailroom?

I put my budget proposal
on her desk right on time

and I've been waiting for
a meeting all afternoon...

That door doesn't open up.

Michael, I'll see you now.

Now?

She'll see me now?

Joe, she'll see me now.

Now, I'm not interested.

What do you think
about that?

Michael, I'd like to
see you in my office.

Well, isn't that funny
because you know,

I'd like to see me
in your office, too.

If you have a problem
with me,

now would be a good time
to tell me what it is.

I don't have a problem.

You have an attitude.

I don't have a problem
with my attitude.

Look, I'm not your lackey.

I don't like being
called on the carpet

to discuss how you
think I feel about you.

You figure because you're
some Wall Street whiz kid

that you're an a*t*matic
asset to any company.

What do you know about
putting a magazine together?

Look, I know that you
and Kelcher have history.

And it's understandable that
you resent my position here.

But perhaps it would change
if you just took the time

to find out
and why I was hired.

Karen Susan Martin.

Graduate Bryn Mawr College,

Columbia School
of Journalism,

years old. Yeah.

Last position held,

you were the managing
editor of In Shape magazine,

you changed it to I.S.,
classy look.

Prior to that
Teen World magazine

which became T.W.

And of course, your first
magazine Woman's Look.

W.L.

Well, bad news, Karen,

we're Financial Update.

The jig is up.

Yeah.

I'm gonna need a new trick
our circulation

by %, which is
other magazines, Michael.

Now that's what
I'll be doing here.

What will you
be doing here?

Uh, terribly sorry
to interrupt,

but, uh, my end of
I put together myself

is ready for your approval
at your convenience,

I'll be standing by
without attitude.

Thank you,
Mr. Kissybottom.

I'll see you when
I'm done with Michael.

As you wish.

You want to know what
I'll be doing here?

You mean, besides
marketing the magazine,

besides making sure
advertisers?

I'll be doing what
I've always done.

Look, you work with
ink, I work with ink.

And there are two kinds.
Black and red.

I make sure that we
stay out of the red.

That's what I'll do.

Okay,

let's take a look at
for our first issue.

(CHUCKLES) It's not
hypothetical, it's actual.

It's my budget.
It's actual...

What are... Why... What
on my budget?

So, these are your
first cover?

Yep. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, at first, you know,
be much good

at a financial magazine, but,
pretty good stuff, huh?

Well, of course.

I had every confidence.

What the hell is it?

Oh, Mr. Kelcher,
this is, uh,

see this, uh,
the national debt.

See, you got a giant
goldfish in a bowl.

We keep feeding it and
it fills the whole bowl

and soon it's going
to explode.

(CHUCKLES)

That's very clever, Harris.

You know, this confirms
hiring you.

And Taylor. And Karen.

Yeah, we're gonna be
magazine family.

Yes, sir.

It's gonna be
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

You know what's very funny?

I was
for three hours waiting,

and looking forward to
that it's here,

I gotta be honest with you,
I didn't really enjoy it.

But, I'll bet you
hear that a lot.

Problem, Taylor?

Oh, what gave me away?

Was it, for example,
my forehead?

Well, cheer up, Taylor,
cover sketches

are absolutely fabulous.

Now that's what
I wanted to hear.

What do you think
of this, Karen?

It's a fish.
It's the national debt.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Tell her, Harris.

See, Karen, if you really
think about that, okay,

that represents...
to think about it.

Because,

I'm running past the
to the subway

and I see a fish.

I don't care what
the fish represents

because my train
just pulled in, so,

I buy a copy of U.S. News
& World Report

because it has a time b*mb
on it with the words,

"National Debt"
printed boldly across it.

And I don't buy a copy
neither does anyone else.

All right, just a second,
just a second, Karen.

These are my boys.

I hired these boys to
work on my magazine.

Now, it seems that
with Taylor's budget

and you have a problem
with Harris' artwork.

Now what I want to know is,

why do you have
so many problems?

Herb,

you hired me to make
this magazine work.

And I'm going to
try and do that.

Now, Mr. Taylor and
magazine golden boys,

but we'll never know
the way and let me at them.

(JOEY CHUCKLES)

Herb?

Herb?

Taylor, Harris,

may God have mercy
on your souls.

Mr. Harris.
Mr. Taylor.

Look, Joey.
It's Yippy and Yappy.

Nicole's two suitors.
Yeah.

How come you two
each other?

Cory and I
have teamed up...

Temporarily.

Yeah, we know that
new jobs and...

And you've been sort of
taking it out on Nicole

by making her
the house.

We have?
CORY: Uh-huh.

And how would
you know this?

Nicole told us.

Aha!

Yeah, but, see, there's
at school.

Yeah, and we
wanted to know

if you could just let
her off Saturday night

so she could ask
one of us to go.

And in return,

we'll help her out with
on Sunday.

Well, I don't know.
Hmm.

Only if she
cleaned out the chimney.

You don't have
a chimney.

She didn't
build us the chimney?

Look, guys, why don't
in Klawicki's

and we'll decide if
go to the ball.

Thanks.

While she's deciding
which one of us to take,

I just want you to know
you guys.

We agreed, no sucking up.

We're home!

Hi!

Look at that, Joe.

It's a rare teenage girl
and self-sacrificing.

Very rare.

They're on to you.

And, Judge,

you were in on this
little scam, weren't you?

Who me? No, not me.

It, uh...

It was all her idea.

I just drove
the getaway car.

Okay, how'd you
guys find out?

We're parents.

We know everything.

Zach and Cory
met us in the hall.

Together?
Yep.

No fair. No fair.
They ganged up.

Hey, Nicole, we are
not your evil stepdads.

You're gonna have to
find another alibi.

And you're going to
have to face them.

Where are they?

Klawicki's.

And they're not
going away.

I have to choose
between them.

This is icky.

So, pally, what do you
want to do about work?

I don't know.
I don't know.

You think we'll, uh, ever
business as Karen is?

Look, when we started
in this father business

we didn't know anything,
at it now.

We overcame fatherhood,
k*ller boss.

Does this mean
we're not fighting?

No, we'll... You know,
we'll always fight.

That's something that
equal partners do.

Equal partners?

Equal partners.

Best deal I ever
made in my life.

Hey, hey.
You and me, huh?

Two guys united versus
one lady editor...

Yeah! Karen doesn't
stand a chance.

It's a slaughter.
m*ssacre.

Water...

What happened?

Nick, what happened?

She came into Klawicki's.
She walked towards us.

She said she was going
the dance

and then...
And then she fainted.

Nicole, you don't
have to choose.

We'll choose for you.

Yeah. Don't do a thing.

We'll flip a coin.

g*ng up on me, will they?

Oh, yeah.
You and me.

Two guys united
versus one k*ller boss.

We haven't got a chance.

(MUSIC PLAYING)