06x18 - How to Succeed in Hazzard

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw.'

Uncle Jesse Duke ain't
poking along this slow

because he needs a valve job.

It's because of
that load of eggs

he's got there in the back.

Which he and Luke are taking
to Hazzard for an ailing neighbor.

Can you believe this road?

At this rate, Henry's chickens
will have laid another truckload

before we get
this one delivered.

Already missing Bo, ain't you?

Yeah, I guess so.

'He just left yesterday.'

I know that, but I'm
worried about him

and that new NASCAR engine.
I ought to be giving him a hand.

It's a shame you can't be there.

Company only wanted one man.
He won the toss fair and square.

Why don't you just lean
back, enjoy the quiet like me.

Now, this being Hazzard.

The quiet life is
about as laid back

as old Jeb Stuart's
cavalry charge.

See what I mean?

Dewey Hogg is back in
Hazzard for the first time in years.

Now, Dewey is old Boss' nephew.

And he's Hughie's older brother.

Dewey Hogg makes his
Uncle Boss seem respectable.

He's ornery, he's greedy

and he's crooked
as a dog's hind leg.

And them is his good points.

Dewey Hogg.

The slickest
scoundrel in Georgia.

Who is about to
steal Hazzard blind.

What's that?

Look out.

You alright?

Oh, what in the world was that?

That was a fine move.

Worthy of a Duke-ditching Hogg.

You ain't gonna believe
this. That was Dewey Hogg.

- Dewey Hogg?
- That's right.

Let's survey the damage here.

Holy Toledo. Look at that.

'This here's Lost Sheep
calling Bo Peep. Come back.'

I read you, Luke.

What's up, and what's
taking you so long, huh?

I hate to tell you.

Little guy in a black
suit with a long cigar?

b*at you out of first prize

in the all-school spelling
bee. Remember him?

- Dewey Hogg?
- 'The one and only.'

'He's headed your
way in an ambulance.'

'Find out what he's up to.'

Well, I ain't gonna
take my eyes off of him.

Cooter's got the
General Lee just purring.

That's great.

We'll be in town
once we unscramble

some eggs out here. We're gone.

- .

- Daisy?
- Yeah?

Luke just say old Dewey
Hogg was back in town?

Ah-ha.

There goes the neighborhood.

Yup, that's him alright.

Sure is. We better see
what he's up to, Cooter.

Well... one case out
of seven ain't bad.

Y'all are about to see
a master con at work.

One of Dewey's best
sh*ts is playing sick.

Old Dewey could fool the
Harvard Medical School.

Look at you. The
lovely Daisy Duke.

'And Cooter Davenport.'

Put on a pound
or two, ain't you?

See you ain't
changed a bit, Dewey.

- Same old charmer, huh?
- What did you come back for?

I'm a very sick Hogg.

Uh-huh? Well you gonna be
even sicker when Boss catches you.

You weren't ever to set
foot in Hazzard again, bucko.

In your lifetime.

My lifetime is
nearly over, Daisy.

You see... I'm gonna die.

Huh?

Please save your
energy, Mr. Hogg.

- I don't believe it.
- Me neither.

Oh, dagblast it.
Ding dong yourself.

Whoever it is, I sure hope
they're bringing money.

Yes?

No! Dewey Hogg.

Dewey Hogg, I can't believe it.

After all these years, I never
thought I'd see your rotten face

- in this county again.
- Hi, Uncle Boss.

Don't you "Uncle Boss" me.

- You may be my nephew..
- Your dying nephew.

'...but you're
still the slickest'

the most low-down
sneak thief in these parts.

Or any parts. And I
want no part of you.

Out, out, out,
out. And stay out.

Howsoever, even a Hogg's
blood is thicker than water.

"Dying nephew?"

- Did you say dying?
- Yes.

I swear it.

Uncle Boss, it's all here
in this medical report.

Medical report? What
are you talking about?

I'm afflicted with a
rare and barely known

subtropical sleeping disease.

Sleeping disease?
Oh, my. Oh, my.

There, did you see
that? That's the disease.

When I go like..
When I'm sleeping.

I got it selling frozen hog
jowls in deepest Africa.

- Africa? Africa?
- Oh, Uncle Boss.

- My days are numbered.
- Yes.

- Oh, Uncle Boss.
- Yeah. Now wait a minute.

- Oh, God.
- Wait a minute, would you?

You're all I got in
the whole world.

Damn it, let go of me.
Let go of me, would you?

I mean, what's
really wrong with him?

It ain't catchy, is it?

'Medical science
just doesn't know yet.'

Oh.

Dewey?

- Is he?
- Not yet, but almost.

Oh, there, did you see?

- Uncle Boss.
- Wait a minute.

I ain't gonna
believe none of this.

Anybody could cook
up this sort of thing.

Uncle Boss, you gotta
believe me. I got proof.

If you'd put your clothes on.

I'd like to take you
down to Sutter's Road.

And show you something.

Yeah, my last... and
final real-estate purchase.

Meanwhile, back in Hazzard

Daisy told old Luke and
Jesse all about Dewey's dying.

And how he and Boss
took off in the Caddy.

Now, what Daisy didn't know

was that Dewey was
conning Boss too.

He's in a wheelchair.

Taking him to his
future, final resting place.

'My, oh, my. This sure
is a beautiful site, Dewey.'

'But that tombstone,
what's it say?'

'"Here lies Dewey Hogg.'

He never met a
man he didn't rip off."

Here lies Dewey Hogg?

Oh, then it's true.

Then you really are headed
for them pearly gates?

I'm practically, I'm practically
knocking on that door now.

I believe you, I believe you.

But before I do, I
wanna do something.

I wanna do something
good, you know?

I wanna build a living monument

a medical clinic for the
good people of Hazzard.

- A medical clinic?
- Yeah.

I thought I'd call it the
Dewey Hogg Memorial Clinic.

Oh, you're so warm-hearted.

To be built with my
$ , life savings.

Wait a minute, you know from
the size of this building here

and all this other stuff, I
mean, it appears to me

you're gonna need
three times that to build it.

I'd say, oh, a $ , anyhow.

Well, Uncle Boss, you
see, I thought maybe

we could have a fundraiser
to match my $ , .

Yeah, but another , ...
still leave you $ , short.

Uncle Boss, now I thought may..

I mean, I thought maybe you...

Me? Me kick in , ?

Oh! You must have
lost all your marbles

when you were
sick over in Africa.

Listen, Dewey, like I always say

blood may be
thicker than water..

But money is thicker than blood.

I know, I know. But to
insure your-your investment

I thought I could..
You see what I've done.

I've made you a
beneficiary of my $ ,

life insurance policy.

What, you have? Let me see.

Yeah, beneficiary.
Jefferson Davis Hogg.

In the amount of
$ , . Ho ho ho ho!

Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.

I mean, discounting
my $ , then.

I'm gonna be a quarter
of a million dollars richer

when you kick the bucket.

Oh, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.

Just wanted to see
if I still had the touch.

Yeah, me too.

Give me that.

Oh, that's my Dewey.

With Boss and Dewey
up at the gravesite

well, the Dukes decided
it would be a good time

to check out the ambulance.

And Daisy was
gonna be the decoy.

How are you today?

I was gonna ask you the same.

- Oh, really? I'm fine.
- Yes. Oh, that's good.

- So are you a real medic?
- Mmm-hmm.

Friends and
neighbors, Daisy Duke

could distract a
Fourth of July parade.

Give me the high sign.

So while Daisy
distracted Dewey's driver

and Uncle Jesse kept lookout

Luke checked out the ambulance.

Almost there. Almost
there now, Dewey.

- Find anything?
- Looks legitimate to me.

Look who's here.

Home sweet home! Here we are.

Alright, now we get you out.

'Here, let me help. Let
me help, let me help.'

Oh, careful now.

Careful, that's right.

Oh, poor Dewey.

Oh, yeah, set him down here.

That's the way.

Poor Dewey, poor Dewey.
Make him nice and comfy now.

All set. That's good.

There's that no-good Dewey.

Yes, sir, I'm gonna
cuff him and stuff him...

Would you just cease and desist.

Can't you see that this
poor sick boy is dying?

Oh, Boss.

You know better than to
believe anything Dewey says.

He'll cheat you out of house
and home if he ain't already.

Well, I'll tell you that
Dewey is reformed.

- Yeah.
- Yes, he has.

I mean, if you only knew
what this warm-hearted

generous boy is gonna
do for all the lovely folks

- here in Hazzard.
- Oh, oh, oh.

Get him on his
life-support system fast.

- 'Oh, yeah.'
- 'He's having a vapor lock.'

- 'Dewey!'
- 'Shunt the juice to his hair.'

- No, no, no.
- 'Thank goodness.'

Alright now, get him
on his system now.

And you, Dukes, listen. You've
caused enough trouble today.

Get out of here before
I have you arrested

as common vagrants.

- Right, riff-raff.
- Rosco?

- What?
- We got big plans to make.

- Let's go.
- Come on.

'Yeah, come on. Come on,
we gotta go in the house.'

We could be a little
premature on this thing.

You know, he could be real sick.

- Hah.
- I find that highly unlikely.

With Dewey in
town, the sheep dip

is gonna hit the
fan sooner or later.

Just don't know where or how.

Next day, Boss
called a town meeting

to announce the fund drive

for Dewey Hogg's
Memorial Clinic.

Now, Boss began
the drive by producing

his and Dewey's , each.

Then asking the town
folk to match these funds.

'...townsfolk of
Hazzard put up the rest'

'another $ , .'

Fifty thousand?

'Now here's a word from
Dewey Hogg himself.'

'You good, kind, wonderful
people of Hazzard'

'before I-I'm not so
good at financial matters.'

'I mean, you know
my record in the past'

'has not been so good, right?'

'Well, we forgive you.'

'Therefore, to hold the money'

'I picked the most
honest person in Hazzard'

'that I could think about.'

'The most honest person to
hold the funds, Jesse Duke.'

When the fox asks you
to watch the henhouse.

Chances are he's
gonna have chicken.

And you're gonna be
stuck with the feathers.

- Oh, no, wait a minute.
- No, no.

There's something going on here.

'And I know for a fact
that Jesse Duke here'

'is the most honest
person in Hazzard.'

'I second the nomination.
I put it to a vote.'

- All in favor say "Aye".
- Aye.

Wait a minute, I...

Uncle Jesse, We're
playing right into his hands.

I got a feeling we are too.

But if there's any chance,
we need that clinic.

J.D., now you just
hold on there a minute.

If I'm to be in charge
of all the funds.

'Alright, go ahead, Jesse.'

Oh, Luke, somethings
ain't right. I just know it.

We gotta find out
what Dewey's up to.

- And we gotta find out fast.
- Yeah.

And I think I just
figured out how.

I'm going to work.

- Hi.
- Howdy.

Something I can do for you?

You'd like to check
my blood pressure?

Gladly. Wanna feel my pulse?

Hazzard has that
effect on some folks.

They just naturally say
whatever's on their minds.

Well, that's my cousin.

Yeah, he's a Duke boy, alright.

So while Uncle Jesse
was counting out the money

Luke sweet-talked the
nurse out of the name

of Dewey's doctor
or so he thought.

- Psst. Dewey.
- Did he take the bait?

- Yes.
- Great. Great.

The plan is going
perfectly. You devil, you.

Luke went ahead and
called Dewey's doctor

who was all the
way up in Cleveland.

And Uncle Jesse was putting
Dewey and Boss' money

in his own safety
deposit box in Boss' bank

He he he. All set here.

- Here we go.
- Here we go, everybody.

Now we're just
gonna lock it up tight.

That does it.

Hey, y'all.

Listen up. I just
talked to that doctor.

And if he is a real doctor

he confirmed that
Dewey's terminally ill.

Well, the doctor checked out.
The ambulance checked out.

I tell you, maybe
Dewey ain't faking.

The only way to be sure

is to keep one eye on Dewey
and the other on the bank.

Well, now... where
could a dying man

be going that fast?

Well, I know one thing.

Cemetery ain't
in that direction.

Come on, Daisy. Let's go.

'Them Dukes are following us.'

Looks like old Dewey's
emergency vehicle

is prepared for any
emergency, including the Dukes.

Luke, it's oil. Look out.

Hang on, sweetheart,
we're going for a ride.

- Boy.
- Doggone it.

That Dewey is
gonna raise my ire.

Do you think he really did it?

Who else would lay
down an oil slick like that?

I don't know.

sh**t, we gotta change
this tire and get into town

Get him out of that wheelchair,
and prove he ain't sick.

While Luke and Daisy
was wrestling with a tire.

Dewey was conducting
business as usual.

Yes, the bank vault is rigged,
Mr. Hogg, just like you asked.

Mack, you are an
artist and a craftsman.

Here's the key to Jesse Duke's
safety deposit box, Number .

Well, the money will
not be in there long.

I got the whole town
of Hazzard suckered.

Now, Jesse's safety deposit
box ain't safe no more.

And unless Luke does
something real fast

Dewey's one weasel
that's gonna walk

right into and out of the
chicken coop untouched.

I'd like to take that
Dewey and just shake him

until I found out
what he's up to.

Now, Luke, just calm down.

You know, there's a chance
that Dewey has reformed.

He's gotta be up to something.

There's a reason why you're
holding that money for sure.

He ain't never forgiven you
for that whuppin' you gave him

when you caught him pushing
Daisy off that soapbox airplane.

Dewey had me absolutely
convinced I could fly.

I whooped him good.

You know, Daisy coulda
broken a leg or something.

Yeah, that would've
been a real shame too.

Wait a minute, that's it.
Daisy's legs, you said it.

What do my legs
got to do with it?

Hey, Dewey's been chasing
you for years, ain't he?

'Yeah, that's for sure.'

I bet you could turn up
that Southern hospitality

and bring him bouncing
out of that wheelchair.

Oh, Luke.

'Course, we'd have get
Boss in position to see it all.

'That'd put an end to Dewey's
shenanigans, I bet you that.'

Well, I'll hike up my jeans.

Meanwhile, old Dewey's
plan was tickin' along

just like a train
conductor's watch.

Fundraising for the Hogg
Clinic fund was complete.

'Fifty thousand
dollars over the top.'

'That's it, Over the top!'

'And now-and now,
my good citizens'

'and friends of Hazzard, I
want to give you the chance'

'to express your
appreciation to the man'

'who made it all possible, that
esteemed public benefactor'

'my nephew, Dewey Hogg.'

'Thank you very
much. Get up, boy.'

'Oh, you dear
people of Hazzard.'

'I know-I know that I
can rest in peace now.'

'Knowing that I've given
you a living monument'

'The Dewey Hogg
Memorial Clinic.'

'Yeah.'

'Oh, I'm.. Oh!'

'I'm sorry, you'll have to..
You'll have to excuse me now.'

'I think I'm gonna
need some rest.'

'Yeah, I think my
time... is coming.'

'Oh, no. Alright,
give him rest.'

'Take him home.
Take him to my house.'

'And, listen, we'll
go over to the bank'

'and see that that money's
safeguarded. Come on.'

While Boss and Jesse
headed for the bank

Dewey went back to Boss' house.

Not knowing that he was
the target of old Luke's con.

Which was about
to go into action.

He is playing it
to the hilt, ain't he?

Listen, I'm gonna have
Boss over at the house

exactly five minutes
from the time

you give me the signal, alright?

You better.

Alright, now. Don't
worry about it.

Me and Cooter are gonna
be outside the window

we're gonna be watching in
case anything happens, alright?

- Okay, okay.
- Good luck.

Come on, let's get going.

There he goes.

- You got it, Jesse?
- Yup.

And there's the $ , .

While Jesse was sealing his fate

with all those good folks' money

Daisy was trying to prove that
Dewey was a very healthy man.

I was so moved by your speech.

I'm really beginning
to believe you mean it.

About being reformed and all.

Indeed I do, Daisy, indeed I do.

I remember the first
time I really noticed you.

When was that?

In the third grade,
do you remember?

Yeah, that's when
I spread the rumor

that everybody
had bubonic plague.

I got everyone a
whole week's vacation.

- What about the ninth grade?
- Yeah, the ninth grade.

That was wonderful. I traded
all the chairs and all the desks

for two operating stills.

Oh, I mean, I was
on my way then.

But I'm a changed man. No,
I'm repentant. I'm changed.

That's the problem, Dewey.

I don't know if I
like you changed.

I always secretly
admired that sneaking

evil, conniving nature of yours.

It's just such a shame.

What-what's.. Could you
tell me what's a shame?

That we discovered our
feelings for each other too late.

Well... it may not
be too late after all.

I mean, I could
recover, couldn't I?

I mean, I could, couldn't I?

I mean, with your help?

Oh, Dewey, I'd
be glad to help you

in any little way I can.

Because when I think of what
could have been between us

I could just cry.

Oh, Dewey.

Oh, Dewey.

It's-It's a miracle.

You made.. You've made
me well. Oh, glory be.

I'm-I'm alive.

- And I'm-I'm well again.
- Dewey. Dewey!

Boss has gotta see this.

- Miracle.
- Dewey.

Dewey. Dewey, I'm warning
you, keep away from me.

I got.. I'm well and I got
goose bumps all over.

Oh, hallelujah.

Dewey, you gotta stop right now

because you're
gonna have a relapse.

Never.

'Alright, that does it.'

- Now we can.. What?
- Hey, Boss. Boss.

Daisy's over at your
house with Dewey

and he's acting peculiar for
a sick man if you get my drift.

- Acting peculiar?
- He sure is.

Oh, no, Rosco. My baby
nephew's about to kick the bucket.

Come on. Come on.

Boss, wait a minute. It
ain't that kind of peculiar.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, help me. Ooh!

Danggit. They're
gonna screw up the plan.

- We better get over there.
- Come on.

- Guard the bank.
- Come on.

I've found the cure.

I mean it, Dewey.
You just keep away.

Alright. Alright,
Rosco, come on.

- Well...
- Come up, my nephew's dying.

- 'I'm still... '
- 'Dying.'

What are you doing out
here if Dewey's dying in there?

Dewey's dying in there.

My sneaking,
conniving, evil nature

is come back to full strength.

'Dewey, you stay away from me.'

Dewey, Dewey.

No. No. No. Daisy Duke!

What are you doing to
my poor sick nephew?

- Nothing, Boss.
- Keep her away from me.

You keep her away
from me, Uncle Boss.

She can't control herself in
my-my magnetic presence.

She took advantage of
my-of my weakened state.

You know what she did,
Boss? She flung me to the floor.

Oh, shame, shame,
everybody knows your name.

Boss, look at this mess.

Dewey's been chasing
me all over your house.

Now, Daisy's got it right, Boss.

I seen the whole
thing from over there.

Uh, uh, uh. Daisy Duke,
you're lying. He's dying.

She ain't lying, he ain't dying.

- Take a look around.
- Get off your high horse, J.D.

You know he's been after
her ever since grade school.

Nurse. Nurse, take
me to the ambulance.

- Yeah.
- I mean, I'm going. I'm going.

- Put him on life support.
- I'm dying.

This is what comes from all
your meddling, you hear me?

Daisy Duke, you done this.

- No, I didn't.
- Dewey.

Dewey.

Dewey. Dewey. Dewey.

Be careful with him.
Be careful with him.

- Yeah.
- Let me help you. Let me help.

- 'Don't leave me now.'
- 'Sorry, Mr. Hogg.'

- Rest time.
- Yeah, rest time, rest time.

It's terrible. He's going fast.

Yeah, we'll have to plant him
with the spring crops, you know?

Woo!

That was a close call.

Now I gotta move on the bank.

After we get them Dukes
out of the way first. First.

Well, atleast we
know Dewey's faking it.

He was putting some
moves on you, that's for sure.

- You're tellin' me.
- Hey, now what we gonna do?

We wait till he makes
a move for the money

then catch him in the act.

You're not gonna
have to wait for long.

Dang it. Here we go
again. Come on, Daisy.

Ooh, that was close.

While Luke and Daisy
were deciding what to do next

Dewey's plan was running
like a threshing machine

through a bumper crop.

There he is, right
over next to the bank.

Can you see anything?

'sh**t. That
vault looks closed.'

Now would you just look.

Old Dewey's stolen the money
without removing one cent

from the bank.

Now, friends, that's
slicker than New York.

Once the Hazzard folks
find out that their contributions

disappeared out of Jesse
Duke's safety deposit box

the Dukes are gonna
be in some kind of trouble.

- Hey, Boss. Hey, look.
- What? What?

Isn't that the Dukes
next to the bank?

- The Dukes?
- Yeah.

Now, don't tell me about
it, do something about it.

I mean, I got ,
simoleons tied up in there.

Come on, let's head around
back. I know he's been in there.

There's Dewey. Let's roll
a shuck and jive on him.

- Come on.
- Alright.

- Dewey, how you doing?
- Hi, Dewey.

- Oh, my goodness.
- You okay?

- You woke me up.
- You alright?

I didn't mean to. Here,
let me tuck you back in.

You're tickling me.

We better see if we knocked
a wheel loose or something.

- Here, let me...
- Wait a minute.

What're you folks doing messing
with my nephew? He's dying.

Uncle Boss, quick,
the money's gone.

I know, I can feel it in
my bones. We're ruined.

We're ruined. No, no, no.
Rosco, check out the vault.

Gone.

Alright, alright, let's go in.

Check it out.

Check out the vault.
Let's check it out, Jesse.

I am checking it out.

Well, the henhouse is empty

the fox is licking
off chicken feathers

and the Dukes' goose
is about to be cooked.

Well, it was there
just a half-hour ago.

- 'I put it in there myself.'
- You work fast, Jesse Duke.

I mean, you-you stole my money.

The only one working
this bank is you, Dewey.

You knew it wasn't there.

- That's right.
- No. No.

Well, you had to
have done it, Jesse.

- Yeah.
- Rosco, arrest Jesse Duke.

- 'Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.'
- 'Go on, get him.'

Hey, Enos.

Hey, Luke, I'm
sorry about this, but..

That's alright. We're much
obliged. We'll see you later.

Let go. I can't open the door.

Forget it, Boss. It
can't open it. It's stuck.

Enos, after them, after them.

- 'You hear me? Go after them.'
- Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

Alright.

Alright, we got 'em now.

'Move, Enos. Move.'

- 'I'm sorry, but you can't... '
- Enos. Enos.

Mr. Hogg, you're gettin' wet.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hogg.
Don't be mad at me.

Now we'll never get them.

I'm sorry, but,
gosh, it's raining.

He's as smart as he is sneaky.

He didn't have the money on
him, he must have hid it someplace.

Could have even left it in
another spot inside the bank.

All I know is that
we gotta find it

because Uncle Jesse didn't
take it. We gotta prove that.

But how?

What if Dewey really
thought he was dying?

That's it.

He'd go to that money
like a chicken to a June bug.

You're right.

- Come on, I got an idea.
- Yeah?

We gotta talk to Boss.

'Now, you two nincompoops,
you couldn't catch'

a three-legged
mule in his own stall.

I gotta do something else.

I'm gonna call out the
state police or the FBI.

Or the CID.

- Could I have a little chomp?
- Boss? Boss.

- The Dukes.
- Freeze.

Boss, you better sit down.
We got something to tell you.

No. Rosco, nail them
right here on the spot.

J.D., will you quit
sputtering and just listen?

Now do you sincerely believe
that I could steal from people

I've known all my life?
Dear friends of mine?

You was the only one
who coulda done it.

He ain't the only one.

There's another one, he
did it and that's Dewey.

- Dewey.
- 'It had to be.'

And besides that,
he's got ,

of your hard-swindled dollars
with him, remember that?

Yeah, yeah, that's
true too, Jesse, but-but..

- But-but..
- No buts about it, J.D.

Now, for once in
your life, just listen.

'Now just hear what
Luke's got to say.'

Alright, alright.
Alright, I'm listening.

- Go ahead. Talk.
- Alright.

We got one small chance
to swindle the swindler.

Oh, Dewey.

Oh, Uncle Boss.

Uncle Boss, I feel my
time, my time has come.

I can hear all them
Hoggs calling me home.

Home to Hogg heaven.

You can cut the
dying act, Dewey.

- 'Yeah.'
- What are you Dukes doing here?

Oh, we came to
celebrate your victory.

What victory?

Yeah, they know that you
stole the money, Dewey.

And sure as you're
sitting there, so do I.

- And me too.
- You do?

There ain't nothing we
can do about it. We're b*at.

Yeah, and if you can't
b*at them... well, toast 'em.

- Luke's brought the champagne.
- That's right.

- I'll go get the glasses.
- And I'll bring the toast.

This is Boss' best
vintage right here.

Yeah, well, we figured,
the best for the best.

I don't buy this.
You can't be serious.

Oh, we are serious, my
dear conniving nephew.

We sure are serious.

That's for you. Now
come on, drink up.

Don't be a sore winner.

- One for you.
- No. Never touch the stuff.

- Oh, well, I'll take his. Yeah.
- Good.

Alright. Here's to Dewey Hogg.

The greatest con artist in
the whole state of Georgia.

- To Dewey Hogg.
- Dewey Hogg.

'To Dewey Hogg, I'll say.'

The bubbles. They
tickle my nose.

'Well, thank you.'

Well, fun's fun, but a
sheriff's work's never done.

Down the hatch.

Oh, yummy.

Listen, it's the champagne.

Tell Flash her doggy
num-nums are under the sink.

- Rosco.
- Rosco.

Rosco.

Oh, he ain't never gonna
answer nobody again.

- What's the matter, Daisy?
- Oh, Luke. The champagne.

Not you too?

'Oh, yes.'

Luke, from now on, you'll
have to do your own laundry.

Daisy.

Oh, I never seen
nothing like it.

Two went in one day.

- Boss.
- Oh, Oh. Ah, ah. It's got me.

I gotta get something to help.
I gotta get something to help.

'I gotta some help.
Too late. Too late.'

'I can't breathe.'

I always did buy
that cheap stuff.

Yeah, this is the
Hogg residence.

The Atlanta Poison Control?

- 'I see.'
- Wh-wh.. Just..

What do you see?

They traced a bottle of
Chateauneuf du Picard, .

- It's pure poison.
- Poison.

Cha-Chateauneuf du Picard, .

- I'm gonna die.
- You're gonna die.

- I'm gonna die?
- You're gonna die.

I'm gonna die. Give
me the phone. Tell me.

- What-What is the antidote?
- 'There is no antidote.'

You got about one hour to live.

I'd get myself a
stomach pump real fast.

It's your only chance.

One hour to live.

Oh, the pain.

Get me a stomach
pump, quick. Get it.

Please.

Nearest hospital
will be Capitol City.

Get me the emergency
room over in Capitol City.

Capitol? Capitol City?

What you talking about?
That's an hour away.

Yeah, this here's Luke
Duke over in Hazzard.

We got a real
catastrophe over here.

We need a stomach
pump double-quick.

- 'Could you fly it in?'
- Fly it?

- Well, maybe a helicopter.
- Helicop.. Anything.

It's gonna be pretty
expensive, huh?

I guess if I'm dying,
then to tell them

I'll pay $ , .

Where you gonna
get that kinda money?

Where am I gonna get
that.. I got that kind of money.

I got that kind of
money. It's in the bank.

Yeah, he's got the money.
Just bring that helicopter.

You can land it right
next to the bank. But hurry.

Come on, Dewey. You
ain't looking so good.

You're a little pasty-looking.
Your eyes are all watery.

- I'm not feeling well.
- I don't suppose.

Come on, we gotta
get to the bank.

'I'm not feeling well at all.'

- There he goes.
- Oh, good, good. Yeah.

Boss, did you leave the bank
open like Luke asked you to?

Of course I did.

This is one withdrawal
I don't wanna miss.

- Me either.
- Come on, Rosco.

Me too. I'll get Uncle Jesse.
He won't wanna miss this.

Get the money. Get the money.

I'm never gonna
make it. Oh, hurry.

- Here. I've got the key.
- Which one?

You can do it for
me. I kinda locked it.

- Fourteen.
- Right next to Uncle Jesse.

- That's pretty clever.
- Oh, never mind compliments.

Just get the money,
get the money quickly.

Get the money. Oh! Oh god!

'Where's the helicopter
with the stomach pump?'

Oh.

You tricked me.

Boss and Rosco messed
up, right on schedule.

Luke is locked
in an airtight vault

and Dewey's getting away.

That's about normal
for Hazzard, huh?

Wait a minute.

That's two to the right
and one to the left.

Just stand away
and don't listen?

I don't want you
to hear these clicks.

- Good grief.
- Well, what happened?

- Where's Luke?
- What?

- Where's Luke?
- Where's Luke?

He's in the vault
there with Dewey.

- Oh, no.
- 'Let's move it.'

Naturally, by now, Dewey
had stashed the money

in the ambulance
and was on his way

with nobody to
give a decent chase.

- Luke?
- Howdy.

- Honey, are you okay?
- I'm alright.

You are? What are you
holding your head for?

- I got banged in the head.
- Where is he?

'Where is that
dagblasted little Dewey?'

Little Dewey's got himself
a nice little escape hatch.

Right through there.

'Took all the
money with him too.'

'Let's not stand
here talking about it.'

Let's go after him.
Yeah, come on, come on.

'Oh-oh.'

Hey, I just seen that ambulance,
headin' out on Highway Seven.

Cooter ride shotgun with
Uncle Jesse in the pickup.

Daisy, ride with me.
We've got to cut him off.

Freeze here. Listen, I
am the head honcho.

I give the orders. Let's cut
them off before they get out

- of the county line.
- He said that.

- 'Let's go after him.'
- You know, I love it.

'In hot pursuit again.'

This thing work? I
sure hope it does.

To South America, baby.

'Boy, how you getting it?'

Sheriff Rosco? This
here's Enos. Come back.

This is Sheriff Rosco P.
Coltrane. What is it, Enos?

Sheriff, am I supposed to
chase speeding ambulances

'or just regular cars?'

Ambulances!

He's heading out Old Ridge
Road faster than a scalded cat.

Well, Enos, follow
him, you dipstick.

Yeah, that's the idea.

Hurry.

- Hear that?
- Yeah, I heard that.

We're heading cross country.
Stick with us if you can.

Well, I wouldn't miss
that for the world.

We're gone.

Hope the shocks hold up.

Look at this.

'Come on, let's go.'

Follow me. Follow me, come on.

I'm coming. I'm
right behind you.

Now, when Dewey was a Boy Scout

their motto, "Be prepared,"
was the only thing that took.

Well, that's too bad, huh?

What's that in the road?

- It looks like Dewey's hat.
- Yeah.

Sakes alive. What's going on?

Come on, keep going, keep going.

What did you stop for?

Dewey's hat. Right here
on the side of the road.

Maybe he put it there
just to throw us off.

I don't think so.
Here, look at this.

Tire tracks. He's leading
right across country.

- Sure is. Alright.
- Let's go get him. Come on.

Hold on to that money.

By the time old Enos caught up

the driver, not
willing to take the rap

for old Dewey, had taken
off for parts unknown.

Watch out, watch out.

Well, as Mr. Lincoln said

"You can fool some of
the people all of the time."

He said more, but
that's about all we need

to point out that
Boss got snookered.

Luke and Jesse were
still hot on the trail.

There he is. Let's go get him.

Oh, no.

Hang on, Cooter.

I don't think Uncle
Jesse's gonna make it.

Well, he'll be able to find us.
We can't afford to lose Dewey.

- Okay.
- Hang on.

Uh-oh!

They made me take the
wrong turn, but I'll show them.

One last maneuver
and we're home free.

Okay.

Watch it. Look out.

- Oops!
- "Home free," huh?

- Dewey, you alright?
- I'm fine.

Kind of a fitting end
to this whole thing.

'Yeah, you might say he
dug his own grave, huh?'

'You might say.'

Boss made Dewey walk
out of the countyfor his health.

And Rosco made sure that he left

for everybody else's health.

Shame, shame, you litterbug.

That nurse is kind of cute.
Now just keep moving there.

That's it.

I love it.

I'll be back.

Seven years, I'll be back.

So everything had settled
down by the time old Bo called in.

- Hey there, stranger.
- Hey, how you doing?

Y'all get in any
trouble without me?

Trouble?

Well, heck, no.

It's quiet around
here. Peaceful.

- 'Bo, We got it set up okay.'
- Yeah, I'll be right there.

Listen, y'all, I gotta run.
I gotta get back to work

but I'll give you another
call as soon as I can.

Everybody here
sends you their love.

You take care now.
Get home soon. Bye-bye.

And the next day, the
Dukes made sure that Boss

spent the money on what it
was intended, a medical clinic.

And to soften the
blow on old Boss' wallet

they agreed to name it the
J.D. Hogg Memorial Clinic.

Old Boss was gonna
do something right

in spite of himself
with a little help

from the Dukes.