02x15 - The Romance of Silver Pines

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Three Sons". Aired: September 29, 1960 - April 13, 1972.*
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Widower Steve Douglas raises a trio of boys.
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02x15 - The Romance of Silver Pines

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, you think Dad's there yet?

He ought to be
arriving about now.

It's just an all-night trip.

How come he gets to
go up to Silver Pines,

and we have to stay
here and go to school?

'Cause he had to go
away for a few days.

Why? 'Cause he needs some rest.

Why?

Chip, when you grow up,

your nervous system won't
take the pounding any more.

The world closes in around you;

you become mentally
claustrophobic,

and you have to find a
way to release your tensions.

In other words, he's pooped.

Well, I sure hope
he has good weather.

You know, this is the
off-season up there.

Well, Dad said he
didn't care if he just had

to sit there and
stare at the four walls,

so long as he got
plenty of peace and quiet.

Why didn't he just go down
and sit in the basement?

You'll have to carry your
own baggage upstairs.

My help deserves a vacation
after a real busy season.

Yeah, I'm sure they do.

Well, it's just a little quiet
after Labor Day, isn't it?

I figure people who sneak
up here after rates change

aren't exactly
entitled to the same

luxuries as folks
who pay full prices.

No, no.

Look, I, uh... I just
came up here to sit.

I didn't even bring
my fishing gear.

All I want is a little
peace and quiet,

so, uh, don't worry
about the niceties.

I won't.

Top of the stairs, to the left.

Thank you.

Neighbor, I know
just how you feel.

If that's not a sight

to lift the frosting
off Grandma's cake,

there ain't a car in Detroit.

It's really something to see.

Ed Wallace, Grand Lakes
Tool and Die Company.

Oh, yeah. My name's
Steve Douglas.

Uh, no need to tell
me who you are.

When Cheerful Charlie
downstairs told me

you were coming, I
checked your credentials.

Well.

Douglas, you're
my kind of people.

I am?

Uh, me and the missus...
We're nature worshippers, too.

Well, I wouldn't
exactly say that I'm...

Last March it was.

I handed my desk over
to my plant manager.

"Sid", says I, "you
run the business.

"I'm taking six months leave.

"Time I had a
look at this country

that's been so good to me."

Yes, sir, just like that.

Is that so?

Wait till Fran hears I dug up
somebody to pair her off with.

You what? She was worried
about intruding on Rusty and me.

Rusty's the wife.

But with you along,
it's a quartet now.

Can't make faces at that.

With me along?

You ate yet? No,
no, I-I just got here.

See how fate arranges things?

How do you mean?

Well, Rusty and me got

a little picnic outing
ready to blast off.

Don't need to bring a
thing but your fishing gear

and an eager stomach.

Well, it's very nice of you
to invite me, Mr. Wallace.

Call me Ed.

Well, Ed, I didn't even
bring a rod this trip...

Oh, that's all right.

I've got enough for both of us.

Oh. You've got a fishing
license, haven't you?

Well, yes, I have
a license, but I...

Well, that settles it.

Great gal, Fran.

Real people.

More fun than a
kick in the head.

She, uh... she sounds very nice,

but, uh, well,
maybe some other...

Well, I just told you.

Fran won't come
unless there's four of us.

You ain't gonna let her down?

Let her down?! I
don't even know her.

All the more reason
for hooking on.

Be a mean thing to spoil the
day of a total stranger, right?

Well, I hadn't looked
at it in quite that way,

but, uh, well, I-I haven't
even unpacked, Ed.

I... Well, get
with it, buddy boy.

Wait for you in the lobby.

Lucky break, your
turning up when you did.

Arrived any later, you
might have missed us.

That's right.

The same thought
just crossed my mind.

Hi, Steve. Ed.

All right, in back of me,
here's the little woman.

Oh. How do you do?

Rusty, this is Steve Douglas.

Drink lots of water.

I beg your pardon?

You've got a mild
liver condition.

Shows in your eyes.

Stay away from
spices for a while, too.

Rusty, uh,

went steady with an intern
before she married me.

Oh.

That's got it, Princess.

While we're

on the subject, no charge
for the first treatment.

No, no, thanks.

I, uh... I feel fine.

Fran'll be down in a minute.

She's upstairs, slapping
on a little man-trap.

She just wiggled all over
when we told her about you.

She did?

You've got nice bone structure.

Oh, thank you.

I'll tell you, uh, as
long as she isn't here,

why don't I just
take a rain check,

and maybe some other time...?

Here she comes!

Fran, this is Steve Douglas.

Steve, Fran Borden.

How do you do, Mr. Douglas?

How-how do you do?

Any calls for me?

Was only last night
you talked to Glenville.

I'm aware of that.

What I'm trying to find out is,

have there been any
calls for me this morning?

I would have told you.

Silver Pines Lodge.

She, uh, just wiggled all over
when you told her about me, hmm?

She did.

Call for you.

Not you. Him.

Oh.

Thank you. Hello?

Oh, hi, Bub.

What's wrong?

Why should anything be wrong?

I just called to see if
you got up there all right.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I
had a good trip, Bub.

Say, how are the boys?

All three of them
fell down the stairs

and broke five out of six legs.

Come on, Bub, I asked
you a simple question, and...

And I'm giving you
a simple answer.

So, I put all five
of the broken legs

into the same cast,

just to save money, you know.

Oh, now, cut it out, now.

Now, look,

Steve, you went up there
to get away from us, so do it.

Yeah, I guess you're right, Bub.

I'll, uh, drop you all a card.

So long.

Everything okay?

Oh, yes, everything's fine.

Swell. Tell you
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna let you carry
some of my camera equipment.

All right.

How does that grab you?

I don't know.

I've never been grabbed
by any camera equipment.

How about having
our picnic right here?

Well, there's no point in it
when we got a stream full

of trout waiting for us
up at Chippewa Creek.

Oh. How far is that?

Well, this Indian we met said

it was just over
the next hill yonder.

First Indian I ever
saw with sinus trouble.

Oh. Well,

why don't we stop
for a rest then?

Maybe Miss Borden is tired.

Call her Fran.

Oh, thank you.

I'm not tired.

Let's go.

You ain't making
the right moves, boy.

Men don't get to first base

unless he honey-talks
a girl a little.

Tell her she's got
nice bone structure.

Well, for one thing,

uh, she doesn't want
to be honey-talked.

Sure she does, right, Princess?

She's a woman, isn't she?

Hear that?

It's deep stuff, Steve.

Wait-wait a minute.
I'll unhook you.

Never mind. I've got it.

Hark!

Could have sworn I
heard the mating call

of a speckled fan tail.

Hey, what's the matter
with this place for a picnic?

It looks like a
perfect site to me.

No, sir. There's trout ahead.

Trout as big as tuna,
swimming in a creek

that ain't been
fished in 60 years.

Look at that view, Princess.

Ain't that a grabber?

Shall we go?

Sure thing.

Steve.

Next stop, Chippewa Creek.

I don't understand.

He said over the hill.

This is, uh, about where

your Indian friend
said it ought to be, huh?

Oh, he said we should
practically be standing in it!

Ed, I have a hunch that's
just what we're doing.

You mean the creek's dried up?

I don't think it'll
ever get any drier.

Oh, this is the end.

Oh, now, Daddy, it's
not the end of the world.

No, of course not.

Well, as long as we
can't do any fishing,

we might as well eat, huh?

That's right.

At least we still
got our appetites.

And it isn't as though
we were stranded

out here without any provisions.

No.

Well, um...

Well, Ed was so sure that
he was gonna catch a fish

that I didn't think
it was necessary

to pack any sandwiches.

Won't be the most
well-balanced meal you ever

put away, but after all,

it's the spirit of a
picnic that counts.

Right, g*ng?

Right.

Ah.

There you are.

Butter for frying the
trout, salt, pepper,

and there's the
fattest bottle of ketchup

you'll see this side of Racine.

That's it?

Saved the best for last.

Olives.

Care for fried olives
smothered in ketchup?

Yes.

Four olives left.

We'd better keep those
for emergency rations.

It's a long way
back to the lodge,

and, uh, it's
getting a little late.

I wonder where that man of
mine has gotten himself to.

I believe he's
out taking pictures

with his Watanabe
G-19 Telephoto.

Well... I guess I'll
try and collect him.

You know, uh, that last
speech of yours makes, in all,

67 words you've spoken
since we left the lodge.

Oh, you counted, did you?

Oh, it was nothing.

Anything up to a hundred,
I'm a counting fool.

Rusty told me that
you, uh, wiggled, uh...

Well, that you
were rather pleased

that I was coming
along on this trip.

I, uh, must say it doesn't show.

Mr. Douglas, my mother
and I run a small girls' school.

The job is time-consuming.

And my moments
of carefree leisure,

infrequently scattered
over the year,

are precious to me.

Well, that makes two of us.

No, that makes four of
us, and there's the rub.

If it weren't for you,
I'd be back at the lodge,

lolling on the sundeck,
a book in one hand

and a frosted
beverage in the other.

You're the reason

that I was conscripted
on this, uh, death march.

I am?

Before you came,

there were three
of us, and three,

as I pointed out to the
Wallaces, is a crowd.

With your arrival, my
defenses collapsed,

and we were a tidy foursome.

Now, under the circumstances,

you can't blame
me for receiving you

with less than
unbridled ecstasy.

You find that amusing, do you?

Yes, I do, because, uh...

Well, I don't suppose
it's occurred to you

that I might feel
exactly the same way.

No.

You mean they...?

He caught me right
on my own balcony.

Ed hardly gave me a
chance to change clothes.

Oh, that's funny.

Have an olive.

No, thank you.

It's bad for my liver.

Rusty told me that I... Oh.

Hey, kids, sh*t
some great color stuff!

I'll send you guys some prints
when I get them developed.

Good. Better get our
gear together, kitty.

By the time we make
it back to the lodge,

we'll be ready to hit the
sack. Want to get a good

night's sleep so we can get
an early start in the morning.

Early start in the morning?

Well, didn't think
I'd let it go at this?

My fault everything
turned up lemons today,

but I'm gonna square
it with you, yes, sir.

Tomorrow I'm building you a day

you can paste in
your scrapbooks.

Don't look now, but I think
my hair just turned white.

I suppose it's asking too much

to hope that we might find a
shorter way back to the lodge?

If there were a shorter
way, I would have used it.

Any way you slice it,

we're a good nine
miles from civilization.

Here, let me help
you with that stuff.

I got the rod. All
right, now, watch it.

This is wild country.

Help me, darling. All right.

I've got everything.

Hark!

I think I heard a moose.

Hey, hurry up, there's a
whole herd of moose up here.

Operator. Rusty sent me over

to make sure you
hit the sack early.

Uh, just a minute.

I'm talking to home,
and we were cut off.

Operator.

Operator, we were cut off.

W-Would you call
the number back?

I'd like to have a
nickel for every time

I've been cut off on
a long-distance call.

It'd reach from here to
the suburbs of Chillicothe.

I'm sorry, the line is busy.

But Operator, the
line can't be busy.

I was just talking to them.

It's no use, Steve, I've
been all through this before.

Be quicker if I got that
Indian with the sinus trouble

to send up smoke signals.

Yeah.

No, no, never mind,
Operator, thank you.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Bye.

Set your alarm for 5:30.

Gives your blood that old zing,

getting started
while it's still dark.

5:30?!

Uh... ju-ju-just a minute.

5:00.

Coming.

Oh, hello, Rusty.

Steve, I don't know quite
how to say this to you.

I-I don't either.

I-I tell you, I didn't set
my alarm on purpose. I...

W-We're going to have
to cancel out on you today.

Ed's been up half the night

with one of his bilious att*cks.

He was?

It was all the
excitement of yesterday.

He doesn't know the meaning
of the word "moderation."

No, no, he, he does give
of himself, doesn't he?

To the hilt.

I just woke up
Fran and told her.

She's very upset.

Oh, I-I'm sure she is.

Is there anything we can do?

No. It just has
to run its course.

It's a shame to ruin
your day like this.

Oh, now, don't you
worry about that.

We'll... we'll find some
way to amuse ourselves.

Now, Robbie, he's the, uh,

he's the one with
the musical ear.

He was just the opposite.

What did I do?

We've both been doing it.

Do you realize we
haven't said one word

that hasn't involved
our children?

No, you're wrong.

I distinctly remember
saying good morning.

I'll make a pact with you.

We're on an island,
and that removes us

from the rest of the world.

Now, no more talk about
kids or Ed and his princess,

just island talk, huh?

Fine.

Did anybody ever tell you
you have nice bone structure?

Yes.

I'll get those.

Okay.

Any of your girls go through
the "going steady" stage yet?

Oh, dear, yes, my oldest one.

Seven times she's been in love,

and seven times
we've cried together.

Cried together?

Well, yes, of course.

Only one thing to do when
love flies out the window,

and that's cry about
it with your mother.

But aren't you glad they
want to share things with you?

In a way, they're a little
like Ed and Rusty Wallace,

I suppose.

How do you mean?

Well, there isn't anything

that they wouldn't do
to, to win our approval,

and yet they deny
us the right to privacy.

Anything that
excludes them is a,

is a thr*at to their security.

They just don't understand
that we can't give 100%.

Everybody needs
an occasional island.

They'd like you.

Who would? The boys.

Oh, well, by a
not-so-odd coincidence,

I was... I've been thinking

about how my girls
might react to you.

Were you?

Even before the princess told me

to notice your bone structure.

Ed warned us that this
island was enchanted.

I guess he was right.

Steve, Fran, hello there!

Well, we, uh, should
have strewn a minefield.

What did I tell you, Princess?

Here they are.

I'll bet you gave up on us, huh?

Figured that bilious att*ck

had knocked me
out of the ball game.

Not me.

I spring back like a new
girdle, right, Princess?

It was really your concern

that pried him
out of his sickbed.

Why, when I told him

how disappointed you were,

you couldn't have kept
him down with a tent stake.

Caught a poisson, huh?

That's French for "fish."

Yeah, yeah, we
got one nice bass.

Well, Steve, I told you

I'd make it up to you, didn't I?

A day to pin medals on,
that's what I promised.

Well, sir, I'm here to deliver.

What do you say to that, huh?

Well, don't rush me, Ed.
I'll, I'll think of something.

He'll think of something.

You k*ll me.

A cold shower
will perk us all up.

We'll meet in the game
room in 15 minutes.

Rusty and me will take you
two on at a game of Ping-Pong,

and I'd better warn you now,

the little lady has got
a vicious backhand.

Sic transit gloria mundi.

Allow me.

Uh-huh.

Have there been any
calls for me, Mr. Mac Ivers?

You're sure?

I ain't left the lobby all day.

Well, were there
any calls for me?

Nope, and don't
ask me if I'm sure

'cause, like I told him,
I've been here all day.

Well... You were
about to remark?

Well, I guess the lines must
be out of order, that's all.

Now, remember, we
want this to look natural.

Loosen up, folks.

That's it, now you got it.

Relax.

Now, hold it just like that.

Don't move, be right with you.

There, that's got it.

Cut.

Take another one, Daddy.

Oh, no time, Princess.

It's 9:00 now, and we've got
to make Twin Falls by sundown.

I wish we weren't on
such a tight schedule.

Sure would like to stick around

and swap a lick or
two more with you folks.

Well, maybe next time, Ed.

You can... Next time?

You know when that'll be?

We were 17 years
waiting for this.

That's how long it
took us to pry loose.

When it comes to
saying good-bye,

Daddy's just like a kid.

Busts him apart every time.

He'll be all day trying to get
his stomach back in place.

I guess I come on
pretty strong at times,

but we got no kids,
no family waiting for us,

just the job, the old grind,

and buster, it sure
chews up the days.

You watch your life sliding by

like it belonged
to somebody else.

I guess it does, at that.

It belongs to the Grand
Lakes Tool and Die Company.

But I'll tell you something.

You listening, Steve, Fran?

We're listening, Ed.

We've had our good time,
squeezed every drop out of it,

and you two, well, you've
been the cherry on the sundae.

You opened up to a couple
of strangers, you shared.

That's the best anyone
can do; you did it.

I don't know about your
scrapbook, but mine's bulging.

I can't think of
a solitary reason

why either of you should
ever pass through River Ridge,

but if you do, I
want you to know

there's one door that's
standing open, day or night.

Thanks, Ed.

Bye, Steve. Good-bye.

Good-bye, Ed.

Good-bye. Rusty.

Sure do envy you two.

Next couple of
days, you're going

to have this all to yourselves.

Don't forget now,
drink lots of water.

Bye-bye! Bye.

Bye.

Good-bye.

Now, how tall do you
feel now, Mr. Douglas?

About two inches
high... and still shrinking.

Steve, maybe I'm a
coward, but, but I-I just can't.

Look, let's face it,
they haven't called.

The plain truth of the matter
is that my kids are surviving

very nicely without
me, and it's k*lling me.

I'm going back.

And I thought we
were kindred spirits.

Oh, all right, go on,
say anything you like,

but maybe you just have
more character than I,

but I'm driving back right now.

Well, we'll, uh, see
each other again.

Yes.

Well, I... guess I'd
better get started packing.

Looks like you'll have the
place all to yourself now.

Yes, it, uh, looks that way.

Mr. Douglas.

I checked on train
schedules like you asked.

There's one out at
2:00 this afternoon.

What was that, Mr. Mac Ivers?

He asked me to check on trains,

so I did, and you
heard what I told him.

Did I say you had
more character than I?

Well, I have a little more.

I'm not leaving till 2:00.

Mr. Douglas, you are a phony.

I know.

Well, as long as my
pride is gone entirely,

how about hitching a
ride back to town with you?

All right, but with one proviso.

What's that?

No more talk about kids.

It's a promise.

Oh. Oh.

You know, that reminds me

when Mike was
about nine years old,

he fell down the stairs,
except from the top,

and he fell all the way
down, never got a scratch.

That's a funny thing; the same
thing happened to Christine.

Really?
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