Come on, you guys,
it's not getting any earlier.
Bub, you didn't make
three lunches again.
I'm in college.
You know, I keep
forgetting that.
Well, don't worry, Robbie
can eat both of them.
Uh, are you gonna
do the washing today?
You know Monday's my wash day.
Yeah, well, I just
wanted to make sure
you didn't wash that
new sweater of mine.
How come?
Well, the last time you
washed my brown sweater,
I guess you forgot to
hang it up or something.
Now it's too small
for Chip, even.
You telling me I don't know
how to wash a sweater?
Oh, no, you wash them great!
It's... It's just that
you're not so good
at keeping them from shrinking.
Get outta here, before I forget
I'm a gentle old grandfather.
So long. So long.
Hey, Bub, could you sew
this button on my shirt for me?
I threaded the needle for you.
When are you worthless kids
gonna learn how to
do your own chores?
Come over here.
Now stand still.
Hey, Bub, did you know
we're out of peanut butter?
No, but I'll carry that
tender little thought
around with me all day.
Oh, uh, by the way, Bub,
do you suppose we
could have lamb chops
or something like that
for dinner tonight? Why?
Well, Hank's gonna eat over,
and his mom usually asks him
what he has for
dinner over here,
and so I want him to be
able to say something decent.
I'm sorry, but she'll
get a big shock,
because we're
gonna have hot dogs.
Hurry up and get out
of here, or you'll be late.
And you can have
both those lunches.
Mike's too educated to eat.
Thanks. You're welcome.
I'll eat one in study hall.
All right. See you later, Bub.
Oh, wait a minute, Bub, uh,
you better change my sheets,
'cause there's a great big
hole down by where the feet are.
I see. Yeah, mine, too.
And there'll be a
hole in your head,
if you don't get outta here.
Oh, Bub, I've got a couple
of suits here for the cleaner.
Will you tell them just
to press the brown one
and, uh, clean the gray one?
Press the brown suit,
clean the gray suit.
No peanut butter.
Buy some lamb chops.
What was that, Bub?
Oh, nothing, nothing.
I'm just counting my blessings.
Oh.
Oh, and Bub, will you tell them
to fix the right-hand
pocket in the brown pants?
I've got a hole in it
and I'm losing change
and we can't afford that.
I'll see you.
Fix pocket of brown pants.
Change the sheets,
don't shrink the sweater.
"Domestic Slaves Arise!"
Mm-hmm!
Hmm, not bad.
"Housewives are finding
release from drudgery
through part-time employment."
"so I did something about it.
"I found a job as a hostess
"in a restaurant
during the lunch hour.
"It was only part-time,
but I met people,
"I was paid a small
salary and I found myself
looking forward to something."
Steve, that dame's
got the right idea!
Bub, somehow, I
just can't see you
as a hostess in a restaurant.
Well, there are plenty
of other part-time jobs.
You know, I think, sometimes,
when we feel we need
a change of scenery,
all we really need
is a good nap.
Well, I could use that, too.
Believe it or not, there
are times when I feel
my job is the most
boring thing in the world.
I suppose so.
I'm not trying to talk
you out of anything, Bub.
It's just that, uh, well, I
think most people get fed up
with what they're
doing once in a while.
It's, uh, it's just
restlessness, that's all it is.
Well, guess you're right.
Well, it was a good
idea while it lasted.
Now, don't dirty those glasses!
We just got through
cleaning them.
Okay, I'll drink it
out of the bottle.
Here, dirty the glasses.
Speaking about dirty, Bub,
we've run out of soap upstairs.
Under the sink.
Well, I'm not
going up right now.
I'll get it later. Yes, you are.
Excuse me, Bub. Get
me a glass, will you, Rob?
Why milk so soon?
You just had dinner.
That ham made us thirsty.
Yeah, how come we
had ham for dinner, Bub?
I thought you said we
were gonna have hot dogs.
You said that long-legged
friend of yours would be disgraced
if we had hot dogs, so I had
ham and he didn't show up.
Oh, well, that's because
he's being punished for driving
his dad's car through
the back of the garage.
Oh. Oh, by the way, Bub, uh,
this button's missing
on my shirt again.
Oh, that's too bad.
And, Bub, I, uh, busted
the zipper on my jacket.
Do you think you
could put a new one on?
We'll see. I couldn't
find any soap.
You better buy some.
Jeepers! What's
the matter with you?
You got the peanut
butter with the hunks in it.
I like the smooth kind.
Will you guys get out of my
kitchen before I tear you apart?
Get out of here,
all of you! Get out!
Go on, get out!
You're in my way!
Never mind!
Bub, uh... what time are you
going job hunting tomorrow?
First thing in the morning,
right after breakfast.
Pardon me, is this the
place you apply for jobs?
Well, let's put it this way:
I'm not exactly
waiting for a bus.
Well, you don't have
to get salty, uh, Clyde.
I just asked you
a simple question.
Thank you.
Looks like you picked
the wrong line, Jack.
Thanks, Rudy.
You better move over here,
lady... that's the slow line.
No, this is all
right, thank you.
You'll be sorry.
Next, please.
Well, uh, don't tell me you're
about to get around to me.
That's what we're
here for. Swell.
With my luck, I thought you'd
be going out to lunch about now.
May I see your form, please?
My form?
Well, you should've
taken a gander at that
while I was standing up.
May I see your form, please?
That's just an old
vaudeville gag, you know?
What form?
Your application form.
I can't interview
you for a position
unless you fill out
an application form.
Nobody said anything to
me about an application form.
Are you in the habit of getting
into any line you happen to see
and not know why
you are doing so?
No, I'm not.
But this is an employment office
and I knew you
weren't selling fish!
Get an application form
from the table over there.
Fill it out, and
then bring it back.
Next.
You mean I have to
get in that line again?
Of course you do.
Next.
Well, let me give you
a little tip, Your Majesty.
I'll be working for you at
about the same time they have
their next blizzard in Honolulu.
And do me a favor...
Don't call me and I won't
call you.
Next!
I hope Bub's doing all
right with his job hunting.
Well, why shouldn't he?
Well, you know how that Irish
temper of his can be m*rder.
Well, you know,
he really doesn't mean it
when he tells people off.
Yeah, that time he called
Sudsy's father a fathead,
he said he was sorry
almost the same day.
Next, please.
Hello. Well, hello.
Won't you sit down?
Well, that'll be a pleasure.
Uh, William Michael
Francis Aloysious O'Casey.
Yes, ma'am.
And I'm all five
of those fellows.
Oh, well, think nothing of it.
I'm Mary Margaret
Kathleen Bridget O'Toole.
You don't say so?
Well, between the two of us,
we'd make a mighty
fine crowd of Irishmen.
Yes.
Yeah.
Now, let me see,
you are applying for
the position of, uh...
Uh, Mr. Collins
wants you in his office.
I'll take over here.
Oh. All right.
Good-bye, Mr. O'Casey.
Good-bye.
Uh, William Mitchell
Francis Aloysious O'Casey.
That's Michael, not Mitchell.
Oh, you should have
printed, like it says here.
Oh, I didn't know it, uh,
said anything
there about printing.
Well, it does.
All right, now I know.
Right here, plain as
day: "Please Print."
Well, supposin' we forget all
about whether I can print or not
and see if I'm qualified
for one of these
silly jobs of yours?
I don't see how I can
recommend you for a position,
if you can't even follow
simple instructions.
You don't, huh?
No, I don't.
Well, I-I-I'll tell you
why I didn't print it.
Because I knew
if I did print it,
you and I might
become coworkers.
And I want our
relationship to remain
absolutely unprintable!
Good day, my dear.
Hey, Mike, shall I put some
salt in the mashed potatoes?
Yeah, I guess
a little won't hurt.
Okay.
Hey, Mike, do you think I
should put a little grease
in the bottom of the pot
before I put the beans in?
No, I don't think you
can burn pork and beans.
The pork ought to melt
and form an insulation.
Oh, I see.
Boy, I sure hope we're
cooking enough stuff.
Well, what? Spaghetti,
mashed potatoes
and beans ought to be enough.
I guess so.
Here, taste a
little piece of this
and see if you think
it's cooked enough.
Okay.
Book says to cook
it till it's tender.
Well, it's not tough.
How long you been cooking it?
Well, about an hour, I guess.
I'll leave it in another half
hour, just to make sure.
Yeah.
Boy, I can't wait to see
the look on Bub's face
when he finds out we
cooked the whole dinner.
Yeah.
How do you like it, Bub?
I never tasted anything like it.
Well, the, uh, spaghetti
got a little soggy,
but what difference does it make
whether it's in
strings or in lumps?
Chemically, it's the same thing.
You don't have to
salt your potatoes.
I did that when I
was mashing them.
Thank you.
Mike, you were
wrong about the pork
forming an insulation
for the beans.
They got b*rned.
Yeah, I noticed.
Maybe you should've
stirred them more.
Yeah.
You know, you fellows
cooked a swell dinner,
but-but it's all starch.
You should have
made some greens.
We did... limeade!
Boy, I sure wish Dad
hadn't worked late this week.
Yeah, yeah.
He doesn't know
what he's missing.
Then, after fighting
with those gargoyles
at the employment
office all day,
I came home and the
boys nearly k*lled me off
with the dinner they made.
The, uh, boys cooked
the dinner, hmm?
Like nothing you
have ever tasted.
Bless their little hearts.
You're lucky you
were stuck at the office.
Bub, are you, uh, still
determined to get a job?
Yeah, Steve.
Right or wrong, it's something
I simply got to get
out of my system.
All right.
I talked to Jack Murphy today.
His father runs the Phillips
Company downtown.
Phillips Company?
You mean that big,
ritzy department store?
That's right.
They're having a
special year-end sale,
and Jack tells me
they need salesmen.
He's already put
a word in for you
with the personnel department.
Well, well... well,
how about that!
There's just one thing, Bub.
Uh, Phillips is kind of
a conservative outfit,
and their clientele is...
Are you trying to tell
me not to blow my top?
Well, in a way, yes.
You just can't afford the
luxury of a temper, Bub,
when you're waiting on people.
It's a type of subservience
that you're not used to.
What do you think I am, a
ten-year-old kid or something?
No, no, I'm just
trying to say that...
You must think I'm
some kind of a fathead
that gets sore at
people for no reason.
What do you think
you're doing right now?
I'm not sore, I-I'm
just yelling a little.
Oh.
Look, Bub, suppose you
were waiting on somebody.
Now, how could a
complete stranger
possibly tell the difference?
You know, you're right,
and I never thought of that.
Tomorrow it's
going to be O'Casey,
the mild and meek little
lamb from County Clare.
Oh, I don't know, um...
Let's see the other pair.
Yes, ma'am.
Happy to show you.
Yeah, but, uh, hold
'em up in front of you,
so that I can see how
my husband'll look in 'em.
You and he are
about the same size.
Uh, do you think
they're long enough?
My husband likes to wrap
his socks around his legs.
He must be a contortionist.
What?
Uh, nothing. Never mind.
If you'll pardon me, madam,
I don't see that it makes
any difference how they look.
This is underwear, not a tuxedo.
Well, I see 'em, and
my family sees 'em.
My husband works
very hard, poor dear.
Very often he'll spend an
entire Sunday in one of these.
Well, he must look
great in church.
I didn't come here
for your opinions.
I came to buy underwear.
Is that so?
Well, then, why don't you?
I mean...
why don't you let
me hold them up
and you take a real good
look, and you can see exactly
how your husband will
look in this set of threads.
Hey, how come you're slopping
the meat around in that sand?
That's not sand.
Those are cr*cker crumbs.
I told you, I'm making
breaded veal cutlets.
Oh.
Hey, Mike, if beans
burn with pork in 'em,
I'll bet asparagus
burns even worse.
That's probably true...
They're mostly cellulose.
No kidding?
Well, I better put something
in so they won't burn.
Sure feels funny not
having Bub around.
Yeah, with both him
and Dad working,
the whole house seems different.
One thing, though...
It sounds kind of funny,
but it sort of
makes me feel good
to know that, by
cooking the dinner,
we're making Bub's
life a little easier for him.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, how do you like it, Bub?
Mmm! Swell!
Well, the-the, uh,
the meat's tender
enough on the veal cutlets.
It's just the, uh, the crumbs
are a little tough.
Oh, Bub, you have to sort
of spear the asparagus.
How come?
Well, they're a little
slippery from the corn oil.
You mean you put corn
oil on the asparagus?
Well, sure, keeps
it from burning.
You don't have to
salt the potatoes.
I already did.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, Chip, why don't
you get the dessert?
Okay.
How come you put milk
in the dessert dishes?
It's not milk.
Bub, that's cup custard.
Well, it's a little
loose, isn't it?
Well, what's the difference
if it's a liquid or a solid?
Chemically, MIKE: Chemically...
it's the same thing.
Haven't we anything better to do
than lean on the
counters, Mr. O'Casey?
I was just straightening out
the merchandise, Mr. Tully.
We didn't start straightening
out the merchandise
until we saw me
approaching, did we?
It won't happen
again, Mr. Tully.
This is a Phillips store, not
a poolroom, Mr. O'Casey.
I said it won't happen
again, Mr. Tully.
Are we raising our voice
at me, Mr. O'Casey?
Oh, no, I'm not.
I just wanted to be
sure you heard me
the first time, Mr. Tully.
I see.
You have a customer.
Oh, th... thank you, Mr. Tully.
What can I do for you, madam?
I'm looking for a
jacket for my little boy.
The boys' department
is right over there.
We've been there.
They sent us over here.
Will you follow me,
please, madam?
Oh, uh, what size does he take?
I don't know; he
keeps on growing.
I see, I see.
Well, we'll fix him
up in a minute, just...
Take it off... let me get
this tape measure here...
Here.
What's your name, young fella?
Cletus Bleeker.
Cletus Bleeker?
Gee, that's a
swell name, isn't it?
You know, I've got
three grandsons at home.
Who cares?
Huh?
Gosh, uh... you're not
afraid to talk up, are you?
Now, just put your
arms out, please.
Uh-huh, just hit me
in the face with that
and you're gonna
have a bad afternoon.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.
What?!
Uh, I haven't said a
word to him, madam.
We're just trying to
get his measurements.
But you won't
interfere; we'll...
come out all right, uh...
There we are;
we'll get your coat.
It'll fit you, too.
Here, this looks like one
that ought to do the trick.
Here we are.
Oh, that's gabardine.
Yes, it's gabardine. Yes!
All wool but the zipper.
Oh.
Slide your hand
right in there, Cletus.
There, now the other one.
There we are.
Oh, nice. Pull it... pull it
up a little bit in back there.
Hey, where's my ice cream?
Do you mean you
were stupid enough
to put the jacket on
over the ice-cream cone?
He didn't say anything to me.
Hey, my elbow's getting cold.
Well, take the
jacket off, Cletus!
Really, that was a
very foolish thing to do.
Anyone could see
the child was eating
an ice-cream cone.
Yes, ma'am.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself!
Come along, Junior.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am.
How is he, Dad?
Well, he's, uh,
mumbling a little,
but he's sound asleep.
Jeepers, it's only 8:30.
I want him to help
me with my geography.
You know, Dad, I thought he said
he was going to take
just a part-time job.
He's been gone every
day for three days.
Well, Robbie, you know
how these year-end sales are.
Sometimes they last for months.
Months?!
How am I going to get any
of my phone messages?
Yeah, and Mike
makes terrible lunches.
I ate one of my lunches today.
Know something? He's right.
Besides, Dad, it's no fun
coming home from school anymore
to a house that's all empty.
Have you fellas
told that to Bub?
Well, no, not in so many
words, but he knows how we feel.
Yeah, I suppose he does.
Anyway, I think it
won't be too long
before Bub's back with us again.
Oh, really? How come, Dad?
Well, any tremendous force,
like, uh... well, say,
the Mississippi River,
can be held in
check just so long.
Sooner or later, it has to break
through the levee.
What's that mean?
It means that you can stall
the Mississippi
River for so long.
Eventually, it's got to
break through the levee.
That's what Dad said.
I still don't know
what it means.
Yeah, what does it mean, Dad?
Well, the Irish temper is
a tremendous force, and...
Oh, you think Bub's
about ready to blow a fuse.
I know all the signs.
Frankly, I'll be very surprised
if he lasts through tomorrow.
Jeepers, I wish I knew what
everybody was talking about.
Look, squirt, Bub's
gonna get mad
and he's gonna start hollering
at somebody at the store,
and he's gonna get fired
and then he's gonna
come home to us.
Oh, boy!
My good man.
Oh, hi. I was just pretending
to straighten out some
of the merchandise.
I'm looking for Frederick.
Who's he?
He's the man who
always waits on me.
Well, I'm sorry,
there are only two other
gentlemen in this department...
A Mr. Chester
and a Mr. Giovanni.
Something tells me that
Frederick got canned.
Oh, nonsense.
Mr. Tully.
Oh, good morning, Mr. Dennis;
may I be of assistance?
Yes, I was looking
for Frederick.
Well, I'm afraid Frederick
is no longer with us.
I told you Frederick got canned.
Mr. O'Casey here will help you.
Mr. Dennis is one of our
most cherished customers.
Well, I'll do the
best I can for him.
I'll treat him just
like an in-law.
Well, I, uh... yes.
Well, let's see now.
I'll need some socks,
a belt, and a new hat.
Socks, belt, and a new hat.
Well, the belts are right here.
Will you step right over here?
Let's see, now, something
in a nice alligator.
Well, I don't believe we
have any nice alligators.
We have a couple of,
uh, nasty crocodiles.
That's a little, uh,
old vaudeville humor,
if you don't mind.
Just a belt, please.
Yes, sir.
About a 40?
Forty?
I'm a 32.
I was speaking of your waist.
Just give me one of
those in a 32, please.
Yes, sir.
Do you like that one?
Remember, you can't let 'em out.
Don't forget I told you that.
Now, step over here.
The hats are right down
here in this department.
I'll pick you out a nice hat.
Well, here we are.
Now, what did you have in mind?
Another homburg, black one.
And before you
measure my head by ear,
my size is 7 1/8.
7 1/8... Yes, yes.
In a black homburg. Yes.
Yes, sir.
Now, we'll try and
take care of you.
Well, here's a black homburg,
but I don't think we
have another 7 1/8.
This is a seven.
No, no, seven;
seven is too small.
It might be a large seven.
No, seven is too small.
Do you mind trying this?
I always wear 7 1/8; seven
is too small. Oh, come on.
Let's have a go at it
anyhow, can't you?
Just a moment.
Oh, well, if I had hair like
that, I'd never wear a hat.
Now, do you mind if I
put this number seven on?
It's going to be too
small. I'm sure it'll fit.
It's going to be too tight.
Just let me try it, will you?!
Take it off, I said
take it... Don't be...
Will you take it
off?! Try the hat on!
Now...
I'd like to look at some
socks, if you don't mind.
Well, are we going
to look at some socks,
or are we going to stand here
and look at each
other all day, eh?
I'm packing up.
Oh, here's your doily.
Thank you.
So when I started to laugh,
this geezer with the
carnation in his buttonhole
fired me right on the spot.
You're, uh, sure
he didn't fire you
for telling somebody off?
Sure I'm sure.
What do you think I am,
some kind of a
delinquent or something?
No.
As a matter of fact, I'm
very proud of you, Bub.
Well, that's better.
Hi, Dad; hi, Bub.
Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
I'm gonna run Chip and
Rob down to the park.
Is there anything I can get you?
No, thanks, Mike;
just be careful.
All right. Okay.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute now.
No torn shirts, no buttons
off, no zippers stuck?
Heck no, Bub. Uh, not this time.
No, Bub, uh, not a
thing. Uh-uh, not at all.
What's going on here, Steve?
Well, Bub, I guess the boys
don't want you to leave again.
Well, I'm not gonna leave.
Even a fathead finally
learns his lesson.
Well, in that case,
you never did put
the zipper in my jacket.
Oh, by the way, Bub, I have
a blue shirt up in my closet
that doesn't have
any buttons at all.
As a matter of fact, Bub...
All right, all right, all right.
All right, all right!