02x31 - Air Derby

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Three Sons". Aired: September 29, 1960 - April 13, 1972.*
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Widower Steve Douglas raises a trio of boys.
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02x31 - Air Derby

Post by bunniefuu »

What is that?

Sounds like a runaway
garbage disposal.

Yeah, but we don't
have a garbage disposal.

Fine time in the
morning for an air raid.

Sounds like it's
coming from the back.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, it's in the garage.

Wait, Mike.

"Do not open door.
Enter through side."

"Restricted area. Keep out."

Robbie, turn that off!

Shut it off!

Shut that motor off!

Shut that darn thing...
Shut the motor off!

Thanks.

What's everybody hollering for?

Rob, do you know
what time it is? It's 6:00.

In the morning.

Well, what's everybody
doing up so early?

That's what we're
doing up so early.

Oh, I was just
retiming the motor.

Well, next time, retime the
time when you retime the motor.

What'd I say?

Robbie, do you like living
in this neighborhood?

Well, sure, Dad.

Well, then you're going to
have to stop revving up this motor

during the middle of the night

or we're going to
be asked to move.

But, Dad, next
Saturday's the air meet

and I've got a lot of
work to do on this thing.

Well, then do it during
respectable hours.

Hey, where's my car?

Oh, I had to push it
down the driveway.

I had to have some
room to work in.

You what?!

Now cut it out, you two.

As long as we're
all up so early,

let's get breakfast.
That's a good idea.

How about some
mush and honey, Bub?

Uh, blueberry pancakes for me.

I'll just have some
ham and eggs, Bub.

And I suppose you
want some crepe suzette

with apple pan dowdy.

Sure. What is it?

It's oatmeal, and that's
what we're all going to have.

Oh, Dad, could you drop
me off at Pop Johnson's?

I have to get some
new glow plugs.

Pop Johnson?

Yeah, he's a guy.

Oh. Sure.

Fill 'er up, Pop.

Sure you can afford it?

Yeah, I sold a bunch of bottles.

How much?

That'll be eight cents.

Thank you.

Real neat, isn't it, Roly?

It sure is.

You entered in the meet?

Yep.

What you flying?

My 020 Stinger.

Your Stinger?

Well, I souped it up.

Yeah, but it's still going
to be nowhere as good

as this new Cobra.

Robbie Douglas
bought a bigger engine

and he's modifying
his Cessna Trainer.

No kidding?

What's he doing to it?

Oh, I don't know. A
bunch of secret stuff.

He won't even
let anybody see it.

Oh, hi, Robbie.

Hi, Joey. Hi, Roly.

Hi, Rob.

Pop, can I have two glow
plugs, please? Uh-huh.

You better hurry, Roly,
you'll miss the second bell.

Well, I was wondering,
Mr. Johnson,

if maybe I could buy
this Cobra on credit?

Well, how much of a down
payment can you make?

Well, I thought maybe
you might take my 020.

It's only got three hours.

Well, that's kind
of obsolete now.

I might allow you
a dollar and a half,

but that still leaves
a balance of $10.50.

How you gonna pay it?

Well... well, I thought maybe

I could sweep up your store,
straighten stock, anything.

My boy Shelby does that.

Well, Mr. West promised
me a job at the market,

delivering groceries
after school.

It'd take time, but
I'd pay, Mr. Johnson,

I promise.

And you can even
charge me interest.

You want to win that meet
awfully bad, don't you, Roly?

I sure do.

It's the only way I'll
ever get to college.

There goes the second bell.

Well, what do you
say, Mr. Johnson?

You got a deal, son.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Johnson.

And without interest.

Chip, the planes
today are a joke

compared to those
old Jennys we flew

in World w*r I.

To step into one
of those babies,

you had to have moxie.

Jeepers, did you
fly one of those?

Heck, no.

What do you think I am, a
chowderhead or something?

Who was in World
w*r I besides you?

Well, there was me

and a fella named
Black Jack Pershing,

and a lady called
"Mademoiselle from Armentieres."

And every time you looked up,

there was a new
dogfight going on.

And speaking of dogfights,

you better go out in the
backyard and get Tramp,

before that dog out
there gives him a fat lip.

Tramp never gets hurt.

The other dogs bite and bite,

but all they get is
a mouthful of hair.

Oh, yeah?

Hi, Roly. Hi, Chip.

Hi. Roly.

Got you working,
I see. Yes, sir.

Do you mind stacking
that canned good stuff

up in the garage?

I'm stocking up on all
that stuff while it's on sale.

Oh, sure, I'd be
glad to, Mr. O'Casey.

Thanks.

Well, who won the dogfight?

Freddy Jasper's cat.

Put those eggs in
the icebox, will ya?

Okay.

Learn to fight, will ya?

Hey, what are you doing in here?

Well, I was just stacking
these cans for your grandpa.

Under this bench?
Well, yeah. He...

Oh, yeah, don't give
me any of that baloney.

You were sneaking a look
at my plane, weren't you?

No, no, I wasn't.

This can rolled under there.

Boy, there's nothing worse
than a guy that snoops

on another guy's junk.

I wasn't snooping.
Yes, you were.

Here, here. What's
going on here?

I caught this guy
spying on my plane.

This can rolled under
there, Mr. O'Casey,

and I just went to get it.

Yeah, he said he was putting
away some cans for you.

That's right, he is.

Oh.

Well, gee, Bub, what's
the sense of me putting up

a restricted sign if you're just
going to send everybody in here?

I didn't see any sign.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Robbie, but
you owe Roly an apology.

How do I know he didn't
sneak a look anyway?

Because he said he didn't.

And he's a pilot
the same as you.

You know what
a pilot's motto is.

What is it, Bub?

Oh, I don't know.

But there must be some
pretty noble stuff in it.

Now you apologize to Roly.

All right, I apologize.

But Saturday, I'm gonna
fly the pants off you.

That's some apology.

Here, Roly. Here's a quarter.

Now go on, buy yourself a jet.

Thanks, Mr. O'Casey.

You're welcome.

I don't know, Bub,

I still think that guy
came in just to...

I don't care what you think.

You've got all the gentlemanly
instincts of a water buffalo.

And if I didn't have a
mulligan stew on the fire,

I could think of a lot of
other things to tell you.

b*at it, will ya, Chip?

I got a lot of work to do.

How come I can't stay?

I don't know what
I'm looking at.

Okay, just don't touch anything.

Then I made him
apologize to Roly.

Can you hand me the salt?

You know, Bub, it isn't
like Robbie to act like that.

He's really got his mind-set

on winning that
scholarship to Hartford Tech.

I thought all this
model plane flying

was just a hobby with him.

I had no idea he
wanted to make a career

in aerodynamics.

He might be good
in this field, at that.

Yeah, well, don't count on it.

Last summer, it was
nuclear submarines.

We had that sink
loaded with dead halibut

around here for weeks,

so he could study
their "streamlining."

I'd like to see him
stick to aerodynamics.

We could use all the
technical talent we can get.

So could I.

Put the soup
plates out, will ya?

Yeah.

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Halt. Who the heck goes there?

It's me... a dirty spy.

You can't go in there
unless you're cleared.

Now listen, Mr. Top Security,

you tell your flyboy if he
doesn't show up for chow

in ten minutes, he won't be
able to sit on his landing strip.

And that goes for you, too.

Every time we're starting
to have fun, we have to eat.

I didn't know what to do.

First the left wing goes off,

and then in a couple of seconds

the right wing goes.

Boy, what'd you do then?

Well, with both wings gone,

I just grabbed the drumstick

and a couple
pieces of white meat.

I wasn't going to
be left at the post.

Well, Robbie, is your
plane all tuned up

for the air meet on Saturday?

Yeah, just about, Dad.

The bypass ports
need a little working on.

It'd be a wonderful thing
if you could win, Rob.

Hartford Tech's a fine school.

Who wants to go
to Hartford Tech?

What?

They don't even
have a football team.

But if you should win...

What about that scholarship?

Well, I've decided to cash it in

on something decent.

Something decent? Like what?

Well, like money.

Hey, I didn't know
you could cash it in.

Yeah, Pop Johnson said I could.

It's a regular bond.

I think it's supposed to be used

for an educational
fund at Hartford.

You're talking like he's
already got the contest won.

He's got some pretty
stiff competition.

Rob, you haven't
changed your mind

about going to
college, have you?

No, heck no, Dad.

It's just that I don't
want to go to Hartford.

It's about as ding-a-ling
as you can get.

Hartford is ding-a-ling?

Yeah, you got to
get straight "A's."

It's... well, it's
strictly for eggheads.

Like Roly Bates, huh?

Yeah, if he had the
chance of winning.

Roland Bates... I
don't know him, do I?

It's not Roland, Dad, it's Roly.

Short for roly-poly.

Oh, I take it he's
a little plump.

What's his real name?

Uh, Harold, I think; but
nobody calls him that.

Don't you think
maybe it's time you did?

Heck, Dad, he wouldn't
know I meant him.

You got your flight
pattern all set for the meet?

Yeah. I'll show you
what I'm gonna do.

First, I'm gonna start off
with a vertical rise, see?

See?

Then I'll do maybe
a couple loops...

Hey, Robbie. Into a vertical...

Robbie, come over
here and clean this up.

I'm sorry.

Come on over
here and clean it up!

I'm going to my room.

I don't want to say anything

that a nice, loveable
grandfather shouldn't say

to a knot-headed grandson.

Hello.

Hey, Chip, get off
the phone, will ya?

Where are you?

I'm upstairs. Now
get off the phone.

You. I got to call Sudsy.

Yeah, well, I got to call
Dad, and I got the phone first.

What do you got to call Dad for?

I want to ask him to pick me
up a prop at Pop Johnson's

on his way home.

Now get lost, will ya?

You passed it on your
way home from school.

How come you didn't get it?

Because I didn't.

Now, look, Chip, you
better get off the phone

before I come down
there and clobber you one.

You just want Dad to
get it, so he'll pay for it.

If it's any of your business,

I'll pay him back
when I win the contest.

Yeah, sure.

Look, Chip, I'm telling
you for the last time.

Okay, okay, okay.

Boy, when I get to be a dad,

I'm sure not going let my
kids pull stuff like that on me.

May I help you, sir?

Oh, yeah.

I want a, uh, five-inch
prop, three-pitch.

Yes, sir. How much are they?

They're 25 cents, sir. Okay.

Are you flying in the meet?

Am I flying in the meet?

Well, I just might.

You look over 14 to me.

I do, huh?

Vitamins.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Is your name Johnson?

Yes, sir.

I'm Charlie Bates,
Harold's father.

Oh, yes. Roly.

What's the idea of
taking my kid for $12.00?

Take?

Why, that was a fine motor
I sold your boy, Mr. Bates.

But you had no right.

There's a lot of other things
he can do with that money

besides flying these
stupid little planes.

Well, these stupid
little planes, Mr. Bates,

might be the means of
getting your boy into college.

College?

We'll be lucky if we can
scrape up enough money

to keep him in clothes
through high school.

Now, I'm telling you, Johnson,

quit putting those phony
ideas in that kid's head.

"Quit putting those phony
ideas in that kid's head

or there's going to be trouble."

And then, he, uh, walked out.

He'd change his tune
if Roly happened to win.

Heaven forbid.

Well, it'll be too
bad if he doesn't win.

For more reasons than one.

Who do you mean, Roly or Robbie?

Well, the Bates boy. Oh.

It's the only chance
he'll get to go to college.

Pop Johnson says

he has a great future
in aerodynamics.

He says he has an
amazing knowledge of it.

Robbie says he's an egghead.

Well, we could use a few
more eggheads in this world.

Pop says he has
a real potential,

if he's given the chance,

and winning this meet
would give him that chance.

Funny with kids.

One of them thinks Hartford
Tech is a horrible joint,

and the other would
give his life to make it.

Yeah, I know.

Hi. Hi, Chip.

Is Dad home yet? Yeah.

Did he bring my prop?

I don't think so.

Well, how does he
expect me to fly tomorrow?

Well, maybe he
doesn't want you to.

What are you talking about?

He wants Roly to win. Roly?

That egghead? That's why.

What's why?

Well, they're short of eggheads.

And Roly's one and you're not.

How come you always
got to talk like a creep

when I ask you something?

I'm not talking like a creep.

Dad says you don't want
to go to Hartford Tech

and Roly wants to
go there real bad.

Oh.

Maybe he'd rather
be Roly's father.

He couldn't be; he's
already stuck with you.

Well, I suppose the
whole thing will work out,

one way or another.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Rob. Uh, Dad.

Yeah? Chip said you
forgot to bring home my prop.

Well, I don't know where your
brother gets his information.

I have it right
here in my pocket.

Oh, well, thanks, Dad.

And Dad? Mm-hmm?

Uh, I'm sorry I'm a
disappointment to you.

What do you mean?

Well, I know you'd like me

to be like Roly Bates.

But I wouldn't
be telling the truth

if I said I wanted to
go to Hartford Tech.

What, uh, brought this on?

One of your other
sons has a big mouth.

Look, Robbie, I don't know
what Chip told you, but, uh...

That's okay, Dad.

You don't have to explain.

You have every right to
feel any way you want.

But I think

you ought to know
something. What's that?

I'm going to try
harder than ever

to win that contest tomorrow.

Come on, everybody! Oh, hi, Dad.

We'll be late for the air meet.

We're all set. Come on, Chipper.

Well, did you get Bub
on the bus all right?

Yeah, he's still kind of worried

about having to go to
that vaudeville reunion.

Oh, well, the way Robbie's
been concentrating on this meet,

I don't think he'll even
know Bub is gone.

By the way, where is he?

He's on the bus.

No, no, I mean Robbie. Oh.

I guess he's in the garage.

The door was down
when I drove up.

Chip? Come on, Chip!

You all set, Rob?

Yeah, all set, Dad.

I'd, uh, like to talk to you
for a minute before we go.

I was way off base last night.

No, that's okay,
Dad. No, it's not okay.

I'm your dad and I
had no right to say

I hoped the Bates boy would
win, no matter what the reason was.

You've worked hard for
this meet and, if you win it,

you're entitled to
everything that goes with it.

Regardless of anybody.

So, you go out there
and win it if you can.

I'll do my best, Dad.

Another thing.

You said something about
my being disappointed in you.

I'm proud of you, Rob.

And I always will be.

So, don't think you have
to go to Hartford Tech

to prove anything to
me. I know that, Dad.

Thanks.

Hey, come on, you guys!

All right, better go.

Can I carry anything for you?

Does this go? Yeah, sure.

Thanks, Dad.

Douglas is now executing
a series of inside loops.

Very nicely done, too.

That was a figure eight.

Now he's going
into a vertical climb.

Boy, that's a good one!

Now circles the field and
he's coming in for his landing.

Douglas has scored
61 in the second flight.

That gives him a total of 130.

All right, Robbie!

That places him, of
course, in the final flight now

for first prize with Bates,
who has a score of 133.

Hey, Bub's really
missing something. Yeah.

See, Charlie, Harold's ahead.

He hasn't won yet.

Now, will Bates prepare
his craft for the final flight?

Oh, no!

Oh, you busted my
wing! Oh, I'm sorry!

It was an accident!

Jeepers, this is
neat for Robbie.

Oh, that's too bad, Roly.

The rules allow
you five minutes.

Think you can
make it? I don't know.

I don't think so.

Well, your opponent
can grant you more time.

I'll ask him. He won't.

Well, you keep working on it.

You got some Instant Grip?

Yeah.

You can win on a
"no flight," Robbie,

unless you want to give
Roly some extra time.

Don't do it, Robbie.

Chip, you stay out of this.

Tell him okay, Mr. Johnson.

That was awfully
nice of you, Robbie.

I still think it's money
down the drain.

And now, Roly Bates is ready.

And this is the final flight
to determine the winner.

Looks kind of sloppy.

Looks like he's a
little bit out of balance.

That could be due to the repair.

He's in a vertical climb.

Now a dive.

And a series of inside loops.

And now, an outside loop.

Inverted flight.

And here he comes
in for his landing.

He scores 28 points out of a
possible 70 here in the finals.

So, we add the 28
to his original 133

and Bates has a 161 total.

Well, Rob, looks like you're in.

Yeah.

Robert Douglas will
now make his final flight.

Now he goes into
an overhead eight.

And a vertical eight.

Very, very nice.

Now into inverted flight.

And that vertical climb,
look at that baby go.

Now the vertical dive.

That's too bad.

It'll have to be
called "no flight"

and Bates is the winner!

Tough luck, Rob.

What happened?

Well, my bell crank worked loose

and I couldn't
pull out of the dive.

That's too bad, Rob.

I'm sorry, Robbie.

Well, that's the
way the radar blips.

You did swell, Harold.

Hey, Dad, this bell
crank isn't loose.

No.

I thought he said
it pulled loose.

That's, uh, what the man said.

That's too bad, Rob.

You almost had it in the bag.

Yeah, well, it's okay, Dad.

There's another meet next month.

Robbie, will you stop
that terrible noise?!

Steve, did you ever
hear a racket like that?

He must be working
on a jet this time.

What racket, Bub?

Funny, I don't hear a thing.
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