Oh, and, Rob, no
matter what they tell you,
try and get a locker
on the first floor.
Okay. Oh, uh, Mike, can I
wear your new gray socks today?
No. I just got those...
Ah, well. Yeah. I'll get them.
I got 'em. On.
Did I hear right?
You letting him wear your socks?
Well, yeah. Oh, uh,
I remember what it was like
my first day in high school.
It's my first day
in school, too.
Yeah, well, you're just
moving up a grade, Chip.
Rob's changing his whole life.
You know, high school
is where they separate
the cats from the kittens.
All we get is Miss
Bergen all over again.
Well, so long, everyone.
Bryant High, here I come.
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
What about breakfast?
We're having mush and milk.
Bub, this isn't a mush
and milk morning.
Yeah.
You going in your stocking feet?
Oh, I forgot.
Oh, Rob. If you get Old
Man Larson for homeroom,
tell him you're Mike
Douglas's brother.
But, uh, if you get
Old Lady Greeley,
I'd, uh, forget the whole thing.
In fact, don't even tell
her your name is Douglas.
Well, Chip, it won't be long
till you're going
to high school, too.
Is that where
I'll start shaving,
kissing girls and all that junk?
Yes, sir.
And you'll be washing your
hands and combing your hair
without anybody asking you to.
Gosh. I'll be a whole new kid.
You will. Bye, Bub.
Oh, hi, Rob. How's it going?
Oh, hi, Hank. Hey,
where you going?
I don't know. I'm lost.
Hi.
Isn't it exciting, Robbie?
I'm so thrilled,
I can't stand it.
Imagine. Our first
day in high school.
We're really, finally,
at last, in high school.
I feel so grown up, so adult.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Well, hi, Robbie.
Oh, hi, there.
I'm Gloria Davenport.
Oh. Yeah, sure.
Oh, no kidding.
Gloria Davenport.
I guess we haven't seen
each other very much
since we were in grade school.
You see, I live south of Maple,
so I had to go to
Westport Junior High.
Yeah, I know.
Uh, boy, I can't get over it.
When did you stop being so fat?
Oh. I mean, uh...
Boy, you sure look real good.
Thank you.
Hey, uh, did your tooth
ever grow out again?
My tooth?
Yeah. Don't you remember
the time that you fell
out of our tree house?
Oh, that one. Sure. See?
Oh, yeah.
Uh, you have real neat teeth.
Thank you again, kind sir.
Hey, which one is your locker?
Uh, number 76. It's right there.
Well, I have 74.
Gee, I'm glad our
lockers are together.
Yeah, me, too.
Well... Oh, I'll see
you later, huh?
I hope so.
Boy, I think I'm
going to like it here.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
You having trouble?
Oh, this darn locker
door won't open.
Let me see your combination.
Oh, you got an easy
one to remember.
Uh, my name's Robbie Douglas.
Douglas?
Well, you're not Mike Douglas's
brother, by any chance?
Um, I guess so.
Well, Mike's one
of the best trackmen
Bryant High's ever had.
He's my brother.
Well, you tell him
old Chug Williams
is sure rooting for
him up at college.
Okay. I'll tell him.
Chug Williams.
The Chug Williams?
Hey, man. I saw you make that
hundred-yard run for a touchdown
last year at Eastland High.
Well, I had a lot
of luck on that.
Luck? Listen, I
was there. I saw it.
It was just like the
newspaper said.
Sensational!
It's not going to win any
games for us this year.
I think I got this. Look.
You kind of push in and
ease up at the same time.
There you go.
Thanks, Chug.
Thanks a lot. Sure.
Well, you ought to see
those two guys in the kitchen,
playing buddy-buddy.
You'd never think
they were brothers.
Um, which two, Bub?
Mike and Robbie. Hmm.
They're analyzing
high school and girls,
teachers and girls,
and girls and girls.
You know, Bub, sooner or later,
brothers find out
that the other brother,
much to their amazement,
is actually a human being.
It's, uh, nice to see it
happening in our house.
I guess so.
Oh, hi, Chipper.
Oh, hi, hi. Hi, Tramp.
Well, how'd it go
at school today?
Same ol' skunky junk.
"We will now pass out
our new geography books.
"I do not wish them to be
torn or 'mutiliated' in any way.
"Will Charles Terry please
haul his feet out of the aisles?
"And will Chip Douglas please be
our stupid board
monitor for this week?"
Doesn't sound like there's
much use in your going to school.
That's the way I feel about it.
You dreamer, you.
Now, go and get cleaned up.
Hmm. Hey, you two.
We're going to eat
in a couple of hours.
Oh. Okay, Bub.
Hi, Dad. Hi, boys.
Boy, was school neat today, Dad.
Oh, great, Rob. What subjects
are you taking this year?
Oh, lots of things, Dad.
But you ought to see
the snack bar we got.
If food were brains,
we'd have two enormous
Einsteins on our hands.
Tramp. Hey-hey, Mike.
Who's that skinny
guy with the mustache
that stands in the
halls and hollers at you
if you slam your locker?
Mmm. That's Old Man Cordel.
He's the boy" vice principal.
No kidding. What's he
doing yelling at the girls, then?
I don't know.
Maybe he's got a
daughter complex.
Bub, a very brilliant
man once said,
"When brothers become friendly,
the father is getting
along in years."
Ah. Who was that
very brilliant man?
I, uh, I believe it was me.
What are you making there?
Sheepherders' bread.
Oh, good.
If it doesn't turn out to
be sheepherders' bread,
I've worn my fingers
to the bone for nothing.
Hey, Dad. Guess what?
Let's make it dirty
sheepherders' bread.
Oh, I've been
meaning to tell you.
Guess who's got the
locker right next to mine?
Oh, um... Gina Lollobrigida?
No, She-she's on the other side.
It's-it's Chug Williams.
Oh.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Well, he had some-some
nice stuff to say about you.
He didn't say anything
so nice about me last year
when he was so busy acing
me out with Rosemary Carson.
Yeah, well, besides that,
what's wrong with him?
Well, I didn't say
anything's wrong with him.
He's all right.
Kind of a showboat.
Oh. You mean like
last year at the city meet
when he ran the 220 in 22 flat?
And the time before that
when he-when he ran a touchdown
all the way back
from his own goal line?
Is that what you mean by
saying he's a showboat?
No, come on,
Mike, really. Tell me.
You said, "He's all right,"
like it was some kind of
a disease or something.
Well, the way you talk,
he's-he's a big hero.
Well, he horsed around with
my locker until he got it open.
No other senior would
even look at a freshman.
Well, you asked me,
and I'm telling you.
I know the guy, and if he
helped you with your locker,
then-then you'll pay for it.
Just 'cause you're going
to college next week
is no sign for you to act like
an "Aristocrates" or something.
You mean "Aristotle,"
junior, or "Socrates."
I don't think you're ready
for high school work.
Oh, yeah? Yeah!
Oh, Steve, you can go
back to feeling young again!
Wait till you taste it.
Bub makes about the best pecan
layer cake in the whole world.
If you don't believe
it, just ask him.
Gee, that was awful nice of him
to put in an extra
piece just for me.
Well, he didn't
exactly put it in.
I kind of helped him
when he wasn't looking.
Hey, isn't that your locker?
Oh, yeah, but it's okay.
That's just Chug Williams.
Hi, Chug.
Oh, hiya, kid.
I, uh lost my pen this morning.
I thought you might have an
extra. Hope you don't mind.
Oh, no, that's okay.
Just help yourself,
Chug, any ol' time.
Oh, uh, Chug, uh, this
is Gloria Davenport.
Gloria and I went to
grade school together.
Gloria, this is Chug Williams,
a very good friend of mine.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, Chug, uh, Gloria
and I were just about
to have lunch on the front
lawn. You want to come?
I have some real
good pecan layer cake
that my granddad made.
Aw, nuts. I'll bet I
fouled things up, Robbie.
Well, what are
you talking about?
Well, this morning, I
ran out of notebook paper
and I found that cake
in your lunch and...
I guess I ate it.
Well, how'd you like it?
It was delicious. It was
so good, I ate both pieces.
Oh, that's okay, buddy.
Just forget about it.
You know, Robbie,
you're all right.
You're going to do
okay here at Bryant.
Well, uh, see you
around, Gloria.
What a guy.
What a great guy.
He can do anything.
Football, basketball, track,
captain of the debating team,
honor roll, anything.
You name it and he can do it.
And yet, he's just as
common as you and I.
That's pretty common, all right.
Well, did you see how sorry
he was about eating our cake?
Sure is staying hot
a long time this year.
Yeah. Chug says we always
have a hot spell in September.
What does he do, send up
weather balloons or something?
No. He keeps track of things.
Chug says you can look
ahead by looking back.
Wow.
You kids got things looking
pretty good out here now.
Whose turn is it
to wash windows?
Well, keeping track
by looking back,
I'd say it was Robbie's.
Okay, so big deal.
I'm washing windows.
Come on. Let's get at it.
We haven't got all day. Here.
Now, don't be telling me
that Chug Williams tells you
that you can wear windows
out by rubbing them too much.
I happen to know different.
I'd sure like to know
why everybody's against
everybody around here.
I'll try and get you
an answer for that.
♪ ♪
Hey, Dad. Hmm?
I hear that the very best
kind of drafting pencil made
is a Wetlap number 4H.
Well, that's one of
the best, that's for sure.
Who told you that?
Well, Chug Williams.
He also says that your
T square will get warped
if you leave it wrong side up.
Oh, he did, hmm?
This, uh, Chug Williams
seems to know a lot of things.
Yeah.
He figures that everybody
ought to have somebody
that they can emancipate.
How is that again?
Well, he says that a guy
ought to have somebody
he can look up to.
Kind of like an ideal.
You know, uh, somebody
he can do things like.
You mean, uh, "emulate."
What did I say?
You said, "emancipate."
Oh. I mean, "emulate."
Well, Chug is, uh,
right, Rob, up to a point.
The only thing is,
you have to be careful.
Uh, I mean, be sure
the person you pick
is worth emulating.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
Well, well, you take,
like, Chug's old man.
I mean, uh, father.
Mr. Williams was an
all-American and he almost won
a Rhodes scholarship
and a whole mess of junk.
A father can be a real
neat thing to have around.
Oh, I'm sure they can.
Particularly when
your allowance is due
and times like that.
You've heard of Confucius, Rob.
Sure, Dad. We had
him in Social Science.
Well, he said the
father is to the child
like the tree is to the twig.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, Dad,
I've been doing
a lot of thinking.
And I've finally decided
on someone to emulate.
Oh?
I'm going to do as much as I can
just to be like Chug Williams.
Oh.
Boy, are you a
rotten friend to have.
It's got to be here someplace.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't do a
skunky thing like that to you.
So long.
Why don't people leave
things where I put them?
Chip, have you seen
my football pump?
Uh-uh.
Have you seen my football?
What do you want
a football now for?
It's night.
Yeah, well, tomorrow
it's going to be day,
and if I can find my football,
I'm going to pump it up.
If I can find the pump.
Who were you yelling
at on the phone just now?
Sudsy Pfeiffer.
What did he do
so terrible to you?
Well, he's going to
have a birthday soon.
He's going to have a party.
Well, so what?
Well, he's going to
have kissing games.
Here it is.
You see, it's flat.
Yeah, and he went and
invited that slobby Dorine Peters
and that clunky
Mary Lou Gifford.
Well, what's wrong with them?
They cheat.
They kiss you while
the bottle's still spinning.
Well, it's not Sudsy's fault
if Dorine and Mary Lou think
you're a movie
star or something.
It is, too, his fault.
He promised he
wouldn't invite any girls,
and he went and did it anyway.
Even after he crossed
his heart and hoped to spit.
That's no reason
to get sore, Chip.
I think he's the worst
kid in the whole world
to have for a best friend.
Look, Chip, there's nothing
like a good friendship.
Then how come he invited girls?
Maybe his mother made him.
No, she didn't.
He asked them
'cause he likes them.
In fact, I think he likes
them better than me.
But if that old Dorine
Peters or Mary Lou Gifford
come to his party,
I'm not going.
Oh, Robbie?
Yeah, Bub?
Wanted on the phone.
Oh, who is it?
Well, it might be, uh, Helen
or, uh, Mary Jane
or Louise or...
Which one was the
one that lisps? Phyllis?
Yeah, yeah.
Bub?
Yeah? What is it, Chip?
How old's Robbie?
Well, uh, the last time
I looked, he was 15.
Why?
He's beginning to
talk like a father. Oh.
Dad just gave us the "money
doesn't grow on trees" bit
again this afternoon,
but I think he's recovered,
so why don't we take in a show?
What do you mean you can't?
Oh. Oh, no, that's okay.
Uh, if you've got the chance
to go out with Chug Williams,
well, go right ahead, Gloria.
No. No, really, I'm not sore.
I-If... so long as it's Chug.
Yeah, uh... Well,
if he's in a bind,
I'm just tickled that
we can help him out.
I understand.
Oh. Oh, don't worry about that.
I'll think of something to do.
Um, I'll call Hank or something.
Yeah, okay.
Sure, bye.
See you Monday.
Welcome to the club.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, didn't your
buddy, ol' Chug Williams,
just, uh, ace you out
with your girlfriend?
No, my old buddy Chug
Williams didn't just ace me out
with my girlfriend.
I'm, uh, I'm doing
him a favor is all.
Oh. Sure, you are.
For your information, Chug's
date just came down with
a virus this afternoon,
and this happens to be
a very important
thing they're going to.
Sic transit gloria.
You think you're so smart
'cause you're taking Latin!
Well, I can say
some junk in algebra
you couldn't figure out either.
You're just bugged that
Chug stole Rosemary
Carson away from you last year.
You said so yourself.
Well, at least he
had to make an effort.
I didn't just hand her
over the way you did.
No hotshot senior like him
is gonna mess around with
a two-bit freshman unless
you've got something he wants.
Look who's calling
who a two-bit fresh...
Break and go to your corners.
Call it, Mike.
Heads.
Heads it is. Go ahead.
Well, I've had it
up to about here
with this guy Chug Williams.
That's all we hear
around here now.
"Chug Williams says it's
going to rain tomorrow."
"Chug Williams says
bow ties are for squares."
"Chug Williams says
the 'Londonderry Air'
was-was written by
an English milkmaid."
He's just wising off,
Dad. Chug never...
Wait a minute, Robbie;
you'll get your turn.
Go ahead, Mike.
Well, that's about it.
I just hate to see a
Douglas, even him,
pay homage like
some medieval serf.
Oh, dig him.
He goes to college.
Robbie.
Is that all, Mike?
Well, I'll, uh, I'll save
any further
remarks for rebuttal.
That's very nice.
Now it's your turn.
Well, in the first place,
Mike has such a peanut
brain that he doesn't think
somebody can be nice to somebody
unless there's something
in it for somebody.
Now, let's, uh, do
that all over again
and fill in the somebodies.
Well, Mike says
that Chug Williams
is just being nice to me
because there's
something I can do for him.
Well, that's just it!
There's nothing
I can do for him.
There's something
you can do for me, kid.
Sure, Chug, just name it.
Come here a second.
I've got to win this
election, Robbie.
Oh, you got it made, Chug.
I've been talking you up
real big to all the freshmen.
I know that, and
I appreciate it.
But I've got to be sure.
Look, you're on the
student council, right?
And the student council
officially counts the ballots
tonight after supper, right?
Well, yeah.
Supposing some of those ballots
were to get into the wrong pile.
You know what I mean?
Well, yeah, I think so.
Oh, I hate to put you on
the spot like this, Robbie Boy,
only... I've got to win.
Well, why?
It's for personal reasons.
Gee, Chug, I-I don't know.
Well, you know
I'd appreciate it.
And, well, maybe I can
do something large for you.
Sure, Freddy.
Bring the snake and the lizard.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, maybe with all the
screaming and the yelling,
they won't notice
the snake's rubber.
Yeah, well, I'm leaving now.
I'll see you.
Hey, where're you going?
Sudsy's party.
I thought you were sore at
him and weren't going to go.
I changed my mind.
Boy, that sure was
a close one, huh?
Yeah, it was pretty close.
Hey, Robbie, how about a
couple of hamburgers and a malt?
I had to leave the house
before we had dessert.
Oh, no, thanks, Hank.
I've got to see a guy.
Okay. Well, see
you tomorrow, huh?
See you later. Bye.
Hi, Bub.
Hi, Chip.
How was the party?
Swell. I brought you some cake.
Well, now, that was
kind of thoughtful of you.
Cake, huh?
What's that?
Oh.
Cake. Thanks.
How'd you do in
the kissing game?
Oh, we didn't play any.
The girls all left early.
How early?
Right after all the frogs and
snakes and lizards got loose.
You mean you brought all
those things to Sudsy's party?
That wasn't a very nice
trick to play on those girls.
Well, it wasn't very nice
of Dorine and Mary Lou
to blackmail Sudsy.
Blackmail him?
Yeah. That's the only
reason he invited them.
They said they'd tell Mrs.
Bergen that he was the one
who put the glue in
the soap dispenser,
if he didn't do
everything they said.
Well, that is a little
tricky, I'll tell you that.
Hey.
Whose idea was it to turn
all those reptiles loose?
Mine. Us guys got
to stick together.
I guess so.
Hi. I'm Robbie
Douglas, Mr. Williams.
Is Chug home?
Well, yes.
We've been expecting
you, Douglas.
How did everything
go at the election?
Well, it's all over, sir.
Oh, you want to tell Chug first?
Well, I don't blame you.
Come on in. I'll call him.
Thank you, sir.
Chug!
Come on, he'll be
down in a shake.
Well, how do you
like my collection?
There's an awful lot of them.
Yes.
That's my prize over there.
That's me running the winning
touchdown against Michigan
the year we went undefeated.
Soggy field, soggy ball,
but I, of course, did it.
Chug told you I was all-America?
Oh, yes, sir, he did.
These are my trophies over here.
Those are Chug's.
Oh.
Brother.
Chug has almost
as many as you have.
Well, he's still a few shy.
You know, I'm a firm believer
in competition, Douglas.
When you compete,
you build a man.
I feel a little sorry for a man
who doesn't want
to win all the time.
Yes, sir.
Some people call it spirit.
I call it courage.
By the way, did you, uh, know
that I was student body
president at Bryant High?
Well, no, sir.
That plaque on the wall
will tell you all about it.
Douglas, how did
the election come out?
Oh, it was awfully close, sir.
Don't b*at around the bush, son.
Is he student body
president or isn't he?
Well, no, sir.
He lost.
Oh, he lost, did he?
Well...
Well, well, better
luck next time, old son.
It was awfully close, Chug.
Well, not everybody
breaks the tape first.
That's why they have
silver and bronze medals
at the Olympics, right?
Yes, sir.
And there are a lot worse things
than not being
student body president.
Just because I made
it, shouldn't cut any ice.
See you later, sport. Douglas.
He's, uh, he's a real swell
guy when you get to know him.
Oh, yeah.
I like him fine, Chug.
Well, um, so long.
Oh, Robbie.
Thanks for not, you
know... Oh. Yeah.
Well, that's okay.
Oh, uh, my grandfather just
made some more pecan layer cake,
so you know where
it'll be if you want some.
Thanks.
Chipper, would you turn
that volume down
just a little, please?
I'll do it.
Oh, no, then-then I
can't hear it in the kitchen.
Well, I don't know why not.
I'm sure the Johnsons
can hear it on the next block.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
Oh, hi, Rob.
You need any help
with the dishes, Mike?
Well, no.
N-No, thank you.
I'm... just about finished.
Anything I can do for you, Dad?
Well, no, Rob, I can't think
of anything right offhand.
Well, you better grab
him while he's in the mood.
Why don't you mop up
the kitchen for a starter.
Oh, y-you can do
that some other time.
Why-why don't you
sit down and relax.
Okay, Dad.
Dad?
Mm-hmm?
I think I finally figured
out what Confucius meant
about the tree and the
twig and all that junk.
Good, Rob.