02x20 - Mac and Quon Le: Together Again

[bunniefuu]

BULL:
All rise.

Criminal court part two
is now in session.

The honorab
e--

And semi-mystical.
Harold T. Stone presiding.

All right. sit down.

Nobody even blinked.

I guess they're used to you.

-You mean--?
-The thrill is gone, yes. sir.

Uh. here's the docket.

Now all we need are the attorneys.

Bull. where are Dan and Billie?

Not here. Your Honor.

They had to run to city hall.
They're both up for an appointment...

...with the new commission
on crime and youthful offenders.

-Then maybe they're stuck in traffic.
-Yeah.

I know. I know. I'm late.
I am terribly sorry. forgive me.

I am ashamed. I beg your apology...

...and I promise the court
that it will never happen again.

Dan's not here. either.

Can you believe his nerve.
keeping us waiting like this?

-How'd the interview go. counselor?
-Not bad.

I think I demonstrated a lot of knowledge
about crime problems and kids.

Great. What about Dan?

He took another approach.

Fielding, Fielding, Fielding.

Fielding, Fielding, Fielding.

-Fielding, Fielding, Fielding.
-All right. Let me down.

Come on. guys. let me down.

-Fielding.
-Ha. ha.

-Hi.
-You're late.

I know. and I tried to tell them.

Doesn't it do your heart good
to see such an outpouring of affection?

You paid those kids.

-Not yet. he hasn't.
-HeY. later.

What a lovely g*ng of lads. huh?

And surprisingly affordable too. I'll bet.

Well. they do receive a small stipend...

...but it's part of a work-study program
that I established.

-You're buying their support.
-No. no. no.

I'm teaching them
that I can buy their support.

Say. what about that first case. huh?
Bull.

What do we got. Mac?

Seven counts of lewd and immoral conduct.
five counts of prostitution...

...couple of counts of intent
to commit acts of prostitution.

-Whoa. all by one person?
-No. sir. we have four defendants.

People v. Tawny LaBeIIe...

...Cynthia Peters, Pattie Valentine,
and my wife.

-We --
-Ouon Le. what the hell is this all about?

Hi. Mac.

That is my husband.

You never mentioned being married.

Oh. yes. Four months ago.

But I haven't seen him
since the wedding.

-This what they call an open relationship?
-Excuse me--

Actually. Mac is just sort of
temporarily acting in the role of spouse.

That's all we did.
and we got busted for it.

-Well. perhaps--
-Mac and Ouon Le are legally married.

It's a formality.
so she can stay in the country.

-Well. isn't that illegal?
-Well. of course it is.

Say. when did I lose control?

-Right off the bat. huh?
BILLIE: Your Honor.

Miss Young.

As far as I can tell. Ouon Le just happened
to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It's true.

I had no place to stay...

...so my new American friends
let me be their roommate.

According to this report. they let
the entire merchant fleet be their roommate.

My clients have indicated
they'd be willing to plead no contest...

...on the first three charges
provided prosecution drops the rest.

-Agreed.
-Peachy.

Court finds the defendants guilty.

All the defendants?

Correction.
Ouon Le Duc is found not guilty...

...by reason of excessive innocence.

Thank you. Your Honor.

Now. as for Tawny and the Tawnettes here.
let's make it days.

-Oh. come on.
HARRY: Bull.

Uh. could I. sir?

-Yeah. go talk to her. We'll have a short--
-Recess.

Sorry. sir. I....

Forget it.

So how was it with somebody else?

Okay. let's go.

Say. you're sexy.

I know. it's a curse.

Ouon Le. how'd you wind up
with those bimbos?

When we got married. I thought you had
an apartment on the Lower East Side.

I did. but I had to move
after the men broke in.

Somebody broke into your apartment?

-To put the fire out.
-You had a fire?

-Yes. My drapes started burning.
-How did that happen?

Sparks from the couch.

Which was in flames because...?

The microwave exploded.

Due to an erroneous setting whi
e....

Heating a can of Cheez Whiz.

Oh. my God.

I was trying to make fondue.

Oh. Ouon Le.

I lost everything. Mac.

The Ginsu knives.
my Civil w*r chess set...

...my special record albums
not available in any store.

Why don't I give you money.
help you back on your feet?

You don't have to do that.

-Come on. you obviously got bills and stuff.
-Yes. a few bi s--

Okay. then don't be embarrassed.
how much do you need?

-Eighteen thousand.
-Eighteen thousand.

Eighteen thousand?

Of these?

What do you think of the new choppers?

-I wouldn't delude myself if I were you.
-You can't be as qualified as I am.

-Integrity is what I'm talking about.
-Who is it?

-Billie!
-Dan!

Come on in.

-I knocked first.
-I was here first.

-You were not.
-I was.

Hi. UY -

-Hello.
-Hello.

Something you need?

DAN: Your blessing.
-Excuse me?

It's about the appointment
on the commission.

Yes. sir. They've narrowed it down
to three finalists.

Me. her.
and some joker from the Bronx.

Well. congratulations.
That's quite an honor. isn't it?

To have two out of the three chosen
from our truck stop on the road to justice.

ICHUCKLINGI

Yes. indeed. sir.
and I am sure that it is a--

A reflection on the brilliant leadership
you provide here at court.

I would be honored
if you could see your way clear...

...to endorse my candidacy.

I'd be glad to write a letter
of recommendation for both of you.

No.

HARRY: No. what?
-No. sir.

You see. it has to be one or the other.

Otherwise. it's gonna look like a form letter.
and it won't carry any weight with them.

Sir. for once. she's right.

As I see it.
this is an either-or situation.

Her or me.

And may the best man win.

You guys are putting me in a tough spot.

I mean. basically. you're asking me
to choose between you.

Well. Harry. I don't think
that should be so difficult.

Slit skirt. no fair.

The court finds the defendant guilty with a
two-day suspended sentence and a $ fine.

And. Mr. Conway.
remember that a funeral at St. Pat's...

...is no place for a singing telegram.

Bull.

Notice how effortlessly
I cornered the defendant?

Dan. the man was wearing
a chicken suit in a cathedral.

Missed the freedom-of-religion angle.
didn't you?

Okay. that's lunch. everybody.

Your Honor.
about the letter of recommendation....

I haven't made my decision yet. Dan.

Fine. Oh. hey. I understand.

Take your time. Do not rush into this.

I'm sure your decision will be fair and just.
per your usual standards.

I'll be in my office.

In a diabetic coma.

I think I'm through. Mac.

Oh. they get you processed out okay?

I even got copies of my picture.

-See. one for each of us.
-Oh.

Yeah.

I'll just trim out the prisoner number.

Well. goodbye. Mac.

Goodbye.

Wait a minute.

How about.... How about lunch?

Thanks. But I can't.

-I have to find a place to live.
-Oh. yeah. yeah. yeah.

Hey. don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Well. wait.

Well. where you gonna go?

I'm not sure.

Shelter. mission.
I hear the park is nice this time of year.

Oh. Ouon Le.

Look. you can't stay with me.

I know. Mac.

Besides. I would never
ask such an imposition...

...of my husband.

ISNEEZINGI

God bless you.

You don't mean it. so don't say it.

Thank you.

[SCREAMSI

I've made my decision. guys.
Come on in.

We'll let you know.

[DAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLYI

ICACKLINGI

I got it. I got it.

Ugh.

Whee.

Hey. Mac. wanna grab a bite to eat?

I am scum.

OkaY-

No. I'm even lower than scum.
I am bread mold.

I'm not so hungry now.

How cruel can one person be?

There's this guy in Passaic
that took a meat c
eaver--

Bull. do you know what I just did?

Does it involve animals?

I just kicked Ouon Le out of here.

-How come?
-Exactly.

Exactly. What did she do to deserve that?

The kid doesn't have a penny
to her name...

...and I just turned her loose
to the vultures in the street.

Yeah.

I gotta go find her.

She's probably out there
getting b*at up by some creep...

...who wants to steal
the caps off her teeth.

Mac?

Thank you for sharing that.

What took you so long?

Got a minute?

I thought you took it
a little too calmly before.

How could you do it. Harry?
How could you give it to him?

That man is a walking slag heap.

That may be.
but he's a well-qualified slag heap.

-You like him better!
-Billie.

Whatever we happen to think
of Dan's personality...

...the fact remains
that he is a well-qualified attorney...

...who has several more years experience
at criminal cases than you...

...so taking everything into consideration.
I felt I had to give the nod to him.

Well. fine.

And also taking everything
into consideration. Your Honor...

...l have decided to transfer
to someone else's courtroom.

After all. there must be some place
where I rate a little higher...

...than a colleague
with the ethics of a dung beetle.

HARRY:
Billie.

Billie. come on.

Billie. I know you're a little miffed
right now. but please don't...

[NAILS SCREECHINGI

...run your fingernails down the door.

Penny for your thoughts.

There you go again.
throwing your money around.

Sorry. I only wish to know
why you tell me we should talk...

...and then say nothing.

I'm going over my options in my mind.

-Option?
-Yeah.

See. A. you move in with me.
and I owe $ . ...

...B. you don't move in with me.
and I owe $ , .

-There is no C?
-Uh-huh.

I get hit by a bus. and I die...

...owing $ , .

It is not you who owes money. Mac.
it is I.

Yeah. but you see. you're my wife.

And the law says what's yours is mine.
and what's mine is yours.

Even love?

-What?
-I love you. Mac.

Oh. Ouon Le.

And I miss you.

-Ouon Le--
-Yes. Mac?

I missed you too.

I guess I didn't realize how much
until I saw you again tonight.

Come on. let's have some lunch and talk.

-I'll buy.
-Oh. you'll buy?

Don't leave home without it.

I thought it was a law.

-No law?
MAC: No law.

IKNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yeah. come on in.

You ever see Premature Burial
with Ray Milland?

Billie did that.

I know. I saw her down at the cafeteria
digging timbers out of her fingers.

Bull. I'm telling you. I expected her
to be disappointed by my recommendation...

...but the way she reacted
was just totally off the wall.

-Can I say something off the record?
-Sure.

You're a little dense.

How about we go back on the record?

She thinks you don't like her.

But my not giving her the recommendation
was nothing personal.

Yeah. not to you.

But she wanted you to say.
"You're doing a good job. Billie."

She wanted you to say.
''I like the way you do things."

We all want approval
from somebody we care about and respect.

And. Harry. she cares about you.

And she respects you.

Goodbye.

HARRY:
Bull.

How did you get so smart. anyway?

I've had some rough lessons in life. sir.

And I've used those experiences to learn.
and grow and survive.

But mostly. it's from watching Donahue.

More pickle chips?

No. those soda crackers
filled me right up.

Mac. I am very sorry
I am the cause of all your troubles.

Oh. come on. come on.

You're not the cause of all my troubles.

Although. you've sure helped me
to forget what the others might be.

What's a wife for?

Yeah. right.

Ouon Le.

If we actually live together
as husband and wife--

I said if.

--we'd have lots of problems.

All newlyweds have problem.

Who told you that?

Bull.

A man named Phil told him.

Ouon Le. but we'd have extra problems.

Because even though America
is the land of liberty and all that...

...some people haven't accepted the idea
of two people from different races...

...living together as man and wife.

Can you accept it?

Well. of course I can accept it.
but it's because I love you.

PEOPLE:
Aw.

That is the first time
you said you love me.

Ouon Le...

...there's a chance it could get ugly.

Mac...

...l have lived with w*r
ever since I was years old.

My home was destroyed.
most of my family were k*lled.

And I have lived with that horror
every single day of my life.

Tell me. can it get any uglier than that?

I can't stand living in a messy apartment.

Cleaning is my hobby.

Well. not to mention. I like to watch
a lot of sports on TV.

Go. Cubbies.

Plus. I like three eggs scrambled
every day for breakfast.

You have them any way you like.

I don't know how to cook.

Oh. what the hell. Ouon Le.

If you think you can put up with me--

I can put up with you.

Say okaY-

OkaY-

But the first thing we gotta do
when we get home...

...is to sit down and figure out exactly
what that . bucks went for.

-Agreed.
-Fine.

Did I mention the Buick?

Hi. Billie.

Judge Stone.

Okay. I know you're not too thrilled
with me right now...

...but I'd like to show you
what I have here in my robe.

Don't you dare.

-What is it?
-Sort of a letter of recommendation.

Thought you could take it with you.

Read it.

"To whom it may concern."

I stole that.

"Billie Young is something special."

Why b*at around the bush?

"She's got a good head on her shoulders.
but more important. she's got a good heart.

She's earned the respect of her peers
and the affection of friends.

She's a sworn enemy of the smug.
and the callous. and the corrupt.

Because when it comes
to other human beings. she's a lover...

...in the finest sense of the word.

In short...."

In short. the world is a better place
because Billie Young is in it.

Sincerely yours. Judge Harold T. Stone.

Harry. this is lovely.

I don't know how to thank you.

You could start by withdrawing
your application for transfer.

-I never sent it in.
-How come?

I was afraid they'd accept it.

Come on. I'll fix you a Bartini.

Bosco and vermouth.

-You're so crazy.
-Am not.

-Are to.
-Am not.

Hey. Dan.

Pick a card. any card. Aha!

Is it just my imagination.
or are you a little less than chipper?

I just found out it's all over.

They gave my spot on the commission
to the other guy.

What about my recommendation?

Toilet paper.

I've got a friend inside.

He said the board chairman
thought you were too young...

...and far too flaky to be taken seriously.

-You mean. I--?
-Destroyed my career. yes.

Well. we do what we can.

You know. I just can't believe they gave it
to that joker from the Bronx.

MAN:
Dan Fielding?

What?

I'm the joker from the Bronx.

You-- You mean. you--?
Oh. well. Father....

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Where's Ms. Young?

I wanted to congratulate her
on a race well run.

She's well thought of down at city hall.

She's got a big future.

Uh. heh. Well. what about me?

Oh. I heard about you too.
and believe me. I know you're going places.

Think hot.