07x11 - Sittin' Dukes

[bunniefuu]

- Yee-haw!
- Yee-haw!

You know, frustration
is a powerful emotion.

And if you're Sheriff Rosco
P. Coltrane of Hazzard County

you can get yourself a
real first-class, mail-order

Sears and Roebuck,
monkey ward education

on the topic.

'Oh, you.'

You did it!

Now you've made me mad.

How's he doin' now?

He's spinnin' his
wheels like usual.

Uh-oh.

No.

Oh. Why, you.

Sort of pitiful, ain't it?

It was just startin' that night.

Boss Hogg was working late.

And Lulu brought him..

You call this dinner?

It is, iffin' you're
to lose the weight

Doc Appleby says you gotta
lose to pass your physical.

Oh, Doc Appleby! My physical!

Listen, I'm telling you
there ain't enough here

to fill a cavity in my tooth..

Much less my stomach.

That's the whole idea, Jefferson
so there's no use arguin'.

'And no cheatin'
'cause if you do'

I-I am gonna buy me
a whole new wardrobe

for every single day you
don't lose at least pound.

- Hear?
- Oh, I hear, I hear.

But what did Doc
Appleby say about you?

He says I'm just right, he don't
want me to get lookin' pekid.

Enos!

- Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg?
- Listen.

You just run down to the
Greasy Spoon, will you?

And fetch me back
my after-dinner snack.

But, sir, you're
supposed to be on a diet...

You're supposed to
be a man I can trust.

I mean, a man I can send
on a top-secret mission.

A man who will die with
his lips sealed if he has to.

Alright, then go!
That's an order.

Yes, sir, an order for
at least four people.

Now, Boss' problems
was just startin'

'cause that same night two
armed and dangerous convicts

broke prison a few
hundred miles away

and was headin' for Hazzard.

See, we made it.

You hear that, Herman?

We're free.

Will you stop talking
to that damn cricket?

You act as though he's some
sort of person or somethin'.

Herman's my friend.

Boy, you are nuts. You know it?

One wheel in the sand.

I took you with me 'cause
you had this laundry detail.

Yeah, well, maybe I am nuts.

If it weren't for Herman and me

you'd still be back
in the slammer.

Now, keepin' that
cricket ain't so strange.

There's a fiddle
player in Nashville

who keeps a mouse in his pocket.

But it's okay, the
mouse can't hear.

It took Rosco till late that
night to get back into town

'cause nobody wanted
to give him a ride.

You know it's lonely at the top.

And the bad news, is
they got away again.

Oh, dagblast it!

- Oh, Rosco.
- What?

You know why I'm
puttin' on so much weight?

'Cause you can't keep
your fat little mouth shut.

No, no, no.

- No, it's frustration.
- Oh.

That's what's making me eat.

Pure frustration
over them Dukes.

- Yeah, well...
- Yeah.

You know what they
cost me this year alone.

Pokin' their noses
into my business?

- Listen, I tell you what.
- What?

If you can help me lose
pounds of Dukes

namely Bo and Luke, I swear
I'll lose pounds of J.D. Hogg.

- Well, you got a deal.
- Oh, good.

Oh, I'm so proud
of you, you little rat.

Well, what do we have here?

Uh, Enos, remember a man
who will die with his lips sealed.

You know, if you'd
kept your lips sealed

you wouldn't be on this diet.

- Let's see what we have here.
- 'No, no, no!'

Oh, see.

'Shame, shame everybody
knows your name.'

Alright, now hear this

'I am putting this chicken'

and these potatoes and
these-and these hog jowls

are all under arrest.

I want you to take and
stock 'em and chock 'em.

- No, no.
- I mean, now!

- Yes, sir.
- Don't let...

No, no, no! No, no, no!

You can't get your... 'Rosco.'

Ain't you got no heart?

Well, not right at this moment.

'We'll have to dump this
truck and get some clothes.'

And clear away
out of this state.

You got any ideas?

Guy I knew a while back
was in the Marines with me.

'Lives on a farm near here.'

- A little burg called Hazzard.
- It's nice to have a buddy.

Time of need.

He wasn't no buddy.

'He was my sergeant.'

Mr. Big sh*t.

Always handing out orders like
them guards back in the slammer.

You can betcha that
Luke Duke's gonna start

taking orders from now on.

Goodness sakes! I'm
comin'. I'm comin', I'm comin'!

Oh, stop leanin' on
that thing, will you?

Stop leanin' on the bell.

I'm comin', I'm
comin', I'm comin'!

Who's there, anyhow?

'Boss, it's Rosco.'

'And me too, Mr. Hogg.'

Come on in.

Enos, don't shove me like
that I'm your superior officer.

Listen, you knuckleheads.
You know what time it is?

- You know what time it is?
- What is it? A guessing game?

Oh, for goodness' sake!
It's the middle of the night.

What's so important as all this?

Boss, this is an emergency.

Yes, sir. Sheriff
Little called...

Enos, will you
hush it? Just zip it.

I am the superior
officer. I give the report.

When you're superior
officer you'll get to do reports.

Would you please tell me?

Well, there was an escape at
the jail in Chickasaw County.

Yes, sir. You know
this Sheriff Little?

He called and said that
those escaped convicts

'may be headed this way.'

- Escaped convicts?
- Headed this way?

Sheriff Little's drivin' down
first thing in the mornin'

Oh, no, he ain't. Uh-uh.

- This ain't his jurisdiction.
- 'Yes, that's what I told him.'

And then he said that
the governor told him that

he was in charge of capturing
those escaped convicts.

Meanwhile, he wants
us to throw up roadblocks

everywhere we can.

Well, we can't go up
against the governor.

No, that'd be bad politics.
What are you waiting for?

Round up some volunteers, and
get crackin' on them roadblocks.

- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
- No, no. Not you.

- No, you, you do that.
- Me?

Yeah. You stand guard
outside this house.

- I'm gone.
- I'm here.

Yeah. Well, then get out there.

Go on.

- Uh.
- Oh, J.D.

Oh, don't you worry
none, lambikins.

You're perfectly safe.

Just go on upstairs to bed.

- Alright.
- Go back to sleep.

Yeah. On second thought,
I'll just check and make sure

everything's locked up tight.

What's that? What's
that? What's that?

It's alright,
honey. It's alright.

Just calm down. Calm down.

'It's just Mr. Hogg trying
to rob his own refrigerator.'

I was smart enough to
put an alarm on the door.

Goodnight, Mr. Hogg.

As smart as Lulu is

it looks like they got the
wrong person as sheriff.

'Convicts who escaped
from are still at large.'

'State police are instituting
a massive manhunt.'

'Both men are
known to be armed.'

Good morning, Luke.

- Or should I say, "sergeant"?
- Lee Benson.

'You haven't forgotten
me, have you?'

Well, I haven't
forgotten you either.

Or those two years
you got me in the brig.

You got there by yourself.
You didn't need help from me.

And if you got there,
you probably deserved it.

Nobody's asking you, old man.

- Wait, you can't just come...
- Nobody's asking you neither.

'Now, listen I want y'all
to understand something.'

'I give the orders now.'

Everybody calls me "Sir."

- Nobody's in there.
- Could've told you that.

What do you fellas want?

- Ain't you forgotten a "sir"?
- Hey!

- Right?
- Right.

- Sir.
- Right, sir.

That's better.

Yeah, now, that's better.

I want you to get us
a change of clothes.

And you get us some food.

Whatever g*ns and
a*mo you got around here.

The only g*n we
got is that old flintlock

which is not used
in a co*n's age.

We're gonna have to stop
and get more a*tillery then.

After we change us our clothes.

And then you and me,
we're gonna go into town..

And get us some g*ns and a*mo..

And go on a little huntin' trip.

I ain't goin' nowhere with you.

"Sir." You ain't
goin' nowhere, sir!

Remember that I'm
giving the orders here now.

And it looks like you
and your kin here..

You ain't got much choice.

Now, gettin' into Hazzard
wasn't gonna be easy

what with the roadblocks
set up by Rosco

at almost every main
road in the county.

Herman won't eat.

Meanwhile, the
nut with the cricket

had tied up Bo, Daisy and Jesse.

And Benson had Luke drive
him into town to buy the a*mo.

Now, Luke took his usual route.

Friends, this is
a strange story.

'Sweetie pie, what's
that rattling sound'

'I hear down there?'

Oh, it's nothing, lambikins,
just me at the window.

I'm letting in some
nice, cool morning air.

Put it on my tab, hmm?

'I'll be down in
a second, honey'

'to fix you your little
ol' poached eggy.'

No, no, no, take your time.
Make yourself look beautiful.

I don't mind waitin', lambikins.

'I'm on my way.'

Friends, y'all are about
to see true desperation.

You know, if Boss
moved that fast all the time

he wouldn't have
to go on a diet.

Aww.

- Poor baby.
- Yeah.

'Cause you're on a diet,
don't mean you've to starve

to death, you know?

I hopes not.

Would you like a little
salt-free cr*cker with that egg?

Well... Well, I
wonder who that is.

Who is it? Oh, Rosco.

- Good morning, sis.
- Hi, honey.

I've come to get
my fat buddy boy.

It's gonna be a big day today.

Well, he hasn't had
his poached egg yet.

Good then, I'll just have a
quick cup of coffee with him.

No, no, no! Don't
you have nothin'.

I mean-I mean, I ain't
gonna have nothin'.

You go have somethin'.

I mean, I'm gonna skip
breakfast this mornin'.

- You're gonna skip breakfast?
- Mm-hm.

- Oh, I'm proud of you.
- Yeah.

I'll have a cup of
coffee here with you.

No, no, no! Don't sit down.

Just go in the kitchen,
have your coffee in there.

I'll stay here and breathe
this nice, fresh mornin' air.

Well, I'll have a
quick cup of coffee.

No, take all your time.
Take a big breakfast.

Yeah. Go on. That's the idea.

'Boss.'

'I'll be right with you.'

No. Oh. Uh.

Oh, dagblast it.

I'm gonna have to take
these vittles with me.

Goodness' sake.

Here, let me help you with that.

No, no. I can carry this.

You shouldn't carry anything
on an empty stomach.

I said, I can carry
it. I haven't locked it.

Aaah! Ahh! Eh.

Oh.

'J.D.'

Shame, shame.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Roadblock up ahead.

We better turn around
and take a side road.

Uh-huh.

That'll look real suspicious.

You just drive on up there.

You tell 'em I'm a friend
of yours visiting a spell.

Here's Luke.

- Mornin', Luke.
- Hey, Enos. How you doin'?

Pretty good, buddy.

I'd like you to meet a friend.

Deputy Enos
Strate, this is, uh..

Parker. Jack Parker.

'Old Marine buddy
here of Luke's.'

Just in town for
a few days' visit.

He's showing me the sights.

Any friend of Luke's
is okay with me.

But y'all buds be real
careful, there's a couple

of desperate criminals escaped
from Chickasaw Prison, Luke.

'Well, you told me
that nothing much'

ever happens around here.

- Can we go into town, deputy?
- Oh, sure.

But keep an eye out for
a big, white laundry truck.

That's what them
convicts escaped in.

Oh, yes, sir.
We'll do just that.

Well, come on, buddy. Let's go.

- Well, have a nice day, Luke.
- Take her easy, Enos.

It's the first time I seen Luke
goin' anywhere without Bo.

Boss was back at his office.

Listening to soothing music to
assuage his savage stomach.

Nice word, "assuage," huh?

Diner..

'Home of succulent spareribs'

Oh, and spareribs.

'mouthwatering cornbread.'

- Cornbread.
- 'Mashed potatoes and gravy'

No potatoes and
gravy. Turn it off.

'and juicy hamburgers
with French fries.'

- No. No hamburgers.
- 'Our luscious desserts.'

Don't wanna know.

Don't-don't give me that speech.

'With great French fries.'

- No banana cream pie!
- 'Our luscious desserts.'

No, no, no! No pecan pie!

With mounds of whipped cream!

- Come on.
- Hixx?

Do you think Herman would mind

if-if you gave me a
glass of water? I'm thirsty.

No.

Uh.. Well, sh**t.

I can't hardly drink it with my
hands tied behind my back.

Well, here. You lean forward

and you can sip out of it.

Oh!

Daisy, can you untie this?

Now, what'd you do that for?

Try that again, you'll
be under six feet of dirt.

You can't blame
a fella for tryin'.

Long about now, Sheriff
Little of Capitol City

was heading for Hazzard,
lookin' for the convicts.

Listen, there ain't no
flies on Sheriff Little.

Much as Luke hated to
help ol' Benson buy the a*mo

he wanted, knowin' it could
be used to hurt some innocent

person with the rest
of the Dukes being held

at gunpoint there wasn't
much else he could do.

That's a big - ,
Roadblock Three.

Listen, if you see
anything, you let me know.

This is Rosco P.
Coltrane, over and out.

- No. Shame.
- Rosco, please, listen now.

I gotta have somethin'
to eat, don't you know?

Maybe I could have
one of them doughnuts.

No, I'm doing this for
your own good, fat buddy.

Oh, please.

Are you gonna stand there
and watch me starve to death?

All I want is one
itty-bitty, little bite.

I tell you what.

When I'm through,
I'll save you the center.

- Huh?
- Well, that's the hole.

'That's right, that's
what you get.'

Oh, give me some of that.

'Boss, no.'

- Give me a bite.
- No, no.

Well, looks like
I got to the zoo

at the jackasses' feeding time.

Listen here a
little. I resent you

barging into my jail. After
all, I'm the sheriff of this jail.

And I just commandeered it
in the name of the governor.

And one more word
out of you, pip-squeak

it's gonna be your
last for posterity.

- Ooh. Ooh.
- Any questions, fatso?

Wait a minute. You
can't talk to me like that.

I just did.

Now, let's get down to
some police business.

That is, if your pea-brain
can understand it.

I got me some pictures
here of them escaped cons

so we knows what they look like.

Any word from your roadblocks?

No, no word about that.
You know what I think?

I think those dudes have
taken to the back roads.

Yeah, or maybe they're
holed up someplace.

I got a street police chopper
up there. Maybe he'll spot 'em.

Good, good.

Sheriff Little.

In the meantime,
take a look at these.

Whoa. Uh-oh. Boy, I tell you.

Those are mean-lookin'
dudes, aren't they?

May I take a peek, sheriff?

You don't have to worry.

'I tell you, Rosco P. Coltrane
has eyes like a hawk.'

If they're around,
I'll spot 'em.

Possum on a gum
bush, I already have!

- You have?
- Where?

I actually saw this one here.

In the General
Lee with Luke Duke.

'He called himself Parker.'

He said he was a friend of
Luke's from back in the Marines.

- Benson was in the Marines.
- Yeah, well, so was Luke Duke.

'Well, then, I'm right.'

They are holed up.
At the Duke farm.

I can't believe Luke
or any of the Dukes

would do a thing like that.

Enos, you saw 'em with
your own beady eyes.

How much proof do you
need? Alright, let's go.

- Whoa.
- Whoa?

I'll lead, Colbrain.

The name is Coltrane.
There ain't no "brain" in it.

- You can say that again.
- Well, you can say that again.

Let's go. We gotta
go to the Duke farm.

Come on. Not gonna get
away with a thing like this.

Come on, come on, come on.

- No, no, no.
- Rosco, please.

I'm starving. I can't
go to the farm hungry.

Please. Give me some food.

No, no, no.

I'm glad you're back.
Had the radio on before.

They've got choppers
all over the place

looking for us, and roadblocks.

Y'all ought to just give up.

They'll have everything covered.

Not if you folks give
us a little more help.

You came here to
settle a score with me.

Leave them out of it.

I'm afraid I can't.
They're part of my plan.

Like what?

'The cops are out looking'

'for the laundry truck we
parked by the barn, right?'

The girl and the old man

will drive the truck in the
opposite direction while

'Luke and his cousin are gonna
chauffeur us the other way.'

Down the back roads
in the General Lee.

No way we'll do that.

I just hate repeating myself,
but you haven't got any choice.

That boy don't give no whole

lot of room to work, does he?

Now, you untie them.
We're gonna get goin' now.

You wait there, Herman

I gotta tend to
some business here.

Been trying to get out of here.

Sheriff Little to
Air Support Seven.

Suspects are in the area of the
Duke farm outside of Hazzard.

Give me air
support as I move in.

I want you to head
southwest down .

And keep that CB mike open

so I can hear everything
you say and do.

You click it off, try
warning the cops

and them boys is done
for. You understand?

Yeah. Yeah, we understand.

'You just don't
hurt my cousins.'

- Just don't do it.
- Get going.

You two up front.
Luke, you drive.

Wait a minute.
Just let me drive.

- 'You don't need both.'
- He's right.

- We don't need two of 'em.
- I'm still running the show.

You two are gonna
get in after me.

And if you got any funny ideas
Hixx is gonna keep you covered.

As the General headed
for the back roads

and Boss, Rosco
and Sheriff Little

were racin' for the Duke farm.

Daisy and Jesse were
in the laundry truck

which, just as Benson
figured, would stick out

like a sore thumb.

Especially to one
of them whirlybirds.

'This is Air Seven
to Sheriff Little.'

Sheriff Little here.
Go ahead, Air Seven.

'I've spotted the
suspects' truck'

'moving southwest
along State .'

Well, take a pass
at it. If it's the truck

see if you can knock out a
tire, disable it. We're on our way.

'That's a roger.'

'Alright, you fellas, let's
just get one thing straight.'

You promised that you
wouldn't hurt Bo and Luke, right?

Listen, you better answer
me or I'm gonna turn

this thing around
and go right back

where we started from.

'You just drive, old man.'

'Long as you do what we
tell ya, everything stays cool.'

Uncle Jesse, now, listen,
there's not a whole lot

we can do right now but drive.

Uh-oh.

It sounds like a police
chopper overhead.

It's working, Lee.

Cops thinks it's
us in that truck.

Dang fools, they're
sh**t' at us.

Just keep driving.

Uncle Jesse, what
are we gonna do?

We've been hit.

Uncle Jesse, jump!

- You alright?
- Yeah.

I got my mouth full of dirt.

Lost Sheep to Shepherd.

Y'all got your ears
on, come back.

Y'all got your ears
on, come back.

Switch over to
the police channel.

'Air Support Seven
to Sheriff Little.'

'We got the tire, but the truck
went over the side. Burnin' up.'

Oh, Lord.

Well, what about them cons?

'They weren't in the truck.'

'Two people jumped
out just before it crashed.'

'A girl and an old man.
Both seemed okay, though.'

Well, keep circling
'em, Air Seven.

We're on our way to pick
'em up for questioning.

'That's a roger.'

Oh, he's gonna pick
'em up for questioning.

Good, good. Listen,
while he does that

we got time to stop
for a little lunch.

Wrong, wrong, Boss.
We can't stop now

we're right in the middle
of official police business.

Oh, yeah. But,
Rosco, I'm starving.

Listen, Sheriff Little,
this is Rosco P. Coltrane.

'Listen, you know
who that copper pilot's'

talkin' about, don't you?

It's Jesse and Daisy
Duke in that truck.

Bo and Luke Duke are probably
escapin' right at this minute

with their friend in
that General Lee.

Over and out.

We got time. I mean,
a little fast food...

No, no. No num-nums.

All units, we're lookin'
for an orange sedan

'with a big painted
on the side of it.'

They got a make on the car.

It's gonna be up to you now.

Try anything funny and that's
all she wrote for both of ya.

Now, Enos, you know
daggone good and well

Uncle Jesse and Daisy
ain't got nothin' to do

with no escaped convicts.

Of course I know that, Cooter.

Yeah. And you also
know that Bo and Luke

ain't got nothin' to
do with it neither.

Well, I'd like to
believe that, Cooter.

But Luke did say that one of
them fellas was a friend of his.

Enos, didn't it
never occur to you

that that boy might have been

holding a g*n on
him when he said it?

Shucks, that never
entered my mind.

Look, Enos, you
have got to convince..

Rosco and Boss
Hogg and Sheriff Little

that the Dukes are innocent.

Who put you up
to drivin' that truck?

Them escaped
convicts, that's who.

And nobody put us up
to it. They made us do it.

Just like they made Bo
and Luke drive that car.

Oh, tish, tush, turly-walker.

Are you trying to tell me
that Luke Duke did not know

'this Benson fella in
the Marine Corps?'

Well, sure they were in
the Marines together, Rosco.

But they weren't
buddies. As a matter of fact

Luke sent that
Benson fella to the brig.

Oh, baloney!

Oh, baloney. Did
you say baloney?

- Yes, I said, baloney.
- Where is it?

Oh, these Dukes are
dishing out the baloney.

Are you gonna talk
or do I have to spend

the rest of the day
grillin' you, huh?

Please don't use
that word, "grill."

It reminds me of hamburgers,
frankfurters and barbecues.

Oh.

- I got an idea.
- What?

Why don't we just
break for lunch?

You two ain't going nowhere.

Neither are these
two till you talk.

Now, I've cracked some
hard-boiled eggs before.

Hard-boiled eggs.

Now, will y'all
stop fishing around

and try and help Bo and Luke?

Fish! I can't stand it anymore.

I gotta have somethin' to eat.

Give me somethin' to eat.
Anything! I'll eat anything!

Anything! Give
me somethin' to eat.

Here, Flash. Time for din-din.

I'll eat anything!
I'll eat anything!

I gotta eat somethin'! Oh, good!

Man before beast.

Mr. Hogg, that's a dog biscuit!

It's food, ain't
it? Give it to me.

Flash, don't growl
at Mr. Hogg like that.

That wasn't the dog,
it was my stomach.

I gotta put somethin'
in it. Give me that thing!

That's gonna make you
sick. Mr. Hogg, don't eat that.

Now, there ain't much
that Rosco and Sheriff Little

agreed on but one thing.

And that was, whenever you
can put a Duke in jail, do it.

- Gives me a quiver in my liver.
- No, I can't believe this.

Flash is gonna be
proud of her daddy.

Coo-coo-coo!

So, with Daisy and
Jesse in the slammer

the state-police chopper
now having a description

of the General Lee, and
them escaped convicts

holdin' loaded g*ns
on Bo and Luke

it was turnin' out to
be a very full Saturday.

How do you like takin'
orders for a change, Luke?

When I gave an order, I
didn't need a g*n in my hand.

Hey, take a look.
Smoke up ahead.

Must be a fire over
at Bearlake Woods.

They've got to be
cuttin' through the county

by taking back roads.

Well, we got lots of those.

'Air Support Seven,
Sheriff Little?'

Sheriff Little here.
Go ahead, Air Seven.

'I think I've got 'em spotted
over Miller's Meadow'

'and Bearcreek Woods.'

'Big fire up there, so they
changed their direction'

'and they're heading
a little further south.'

'I'm gonna go down
and check for sure.'

Check, Air Seven. Check.

I'd better tell Boss.

- That's m*rder.
- What?

That's plumb,
unadulterated m*rder.

- But I want him.
- No, no.

- I'm gonna get him.
- No.

No, I want him. I want him.

No. No, Boss.

Cops!

Uh, Luke, you, uh,
you better watch out

for them potholes in
the road up ahead, huh?

I see what you mean.

I can't get a sh*t off, if you
don't hold this thing steady.

Don't blame me. Blame the road.

We're sittin' ducks here.

Head towards that forest fire.

- You crazy?
- Yeah. Like a fox.

Ain't nobody gonna
follow us in there.

Maybe an undertaker.

Not if you find a way
to get us through it.

All that smoke, they'll
never spot us from up there.

Now, go for it. Or you're dead.

You've been watching
too much TV, Benson.

You're still playing
the brave man, huh?

Well, you're no longer
in the Marines, Luke.

I'll settle that
score with you later.

'I don't believe it.'

'That orange car drove
right into the forest fire.'

Orange car in the forest fire.

That's the General Lee.

Yeah, they'll be
b*rned up alive.

Can you see 'em yet, Air Seven?

'The smoke's too thick.'

They can't stay in there long.
They got to come out somewhere.

'Question is, where?
This fire's b*rned'

'over acres.'

- Thousands of acres.
- Thousands.

I never thought it
would come to this.

No.

Dang it, I can't see a thing.

We're gonna be
lucky to get out of this.

'Luke's right. If we
don't run into a tree'

some tree's gonna run into us.

'You just keep drivin'.'

Hixx and me ain't
got nothing to lose.

Yeah, but what about Herman?

I bet when Bo and
Luke got up this morning

they didn't think they'd
be drivin' through a fire

with a nut with a g*n
on him who was worried

about his cricket.
Friends, that's stressful.

Benson, you don't care
about nobody but hisself.

I wonder whether
he cares about that.

You hush your mouth. I
only need but one driver.

'Your Aunt Clara, she
looked at me and said'

' "Didn't you bring the fish?"'

'I said, "Well, no."'

See, we'd gone off and left
all them fish there on the bank.

'I imagine they're still there.'

Cooter.

- Hey.
- How'd you get in?

- Lulu?
- We sneaked past Enos.

I told Lulu what Boss was up to.

And much as I love
that apple dumplin'

I don't like the
crust he's showing.

Locking you two up and
accusing Bo and Luke

of helping escaped criminals.

But..

Oh, my goodness.
Thank you, Lulu.

Shush, shush.

Come on.

Uncle Jesse, now that we're
out, what are we gonna do?

We'll find Bo and Luke,
and give 'em a hand.

Right, right.

Hold it there! You
ain't going nowheres.

Infact you're going
back in that cellblock.

- How'd you get out, anyway?
- I let 'em out.

Oh, lambikins, you shouldn't
have done a thing like that.

Jefferson Davis, you know
deep down in your heart

the Dukes are decent,
law-abiding citizens.

Oh, sure they is.

Just like tubby here
and this tin-horn

tin-star excuse for a sheriff.

Okay, Colbrain, if
you can find your way

back to the cellblock,
you take them Dukes

and lock 'em up again.

- Oh!
- And lock her up too.

Uh-oh. You just
wait a minute, Little.

Lambikins happens to be my wife.

That's right.

Nobody's gonna
throw her in no cell.

Okay. Okay. Lock him up too.

Wait just a pea-pickin'
minute here.

'Just happens that
he is my brother-in-law'

and this is my sister and
I am the law in Hazzard.

Hm. Well, I just
repealed that law.

It is illegal for you to lock
a sheriff up in his own jail.

Listen here, Little, I'm gonna
have your badge for this.

You can have it. I know the
place where you can find it.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Oh, he just stole...
- Hurry up!

This just ain't too bright.

One flame catches that gas
t*nk and it's all over for all of us.

I'm beginning to wonder

if this was such a good idea.

- Herman can't take this heat.
- So what?

Ain't you never heard
of fried grasshopper?

Hey! Hey, you screws!

Chow time! Chow time!

Looks like the wind shifted.

I think we're through
the worst of it.

How far is the nearest
road from here?

I'd say probably
five, six miles.

Do you think Bo and Luke
will be alright, Uncle Jesse?

Well, no news is good news.

We can just hope for the best.

What we gotta do is
figure a way outta here

before that Sheriff Little
sh**t up the whole county.

Jesse, I'm tellin' you,
I can't hope for nothin'

or figure out nothin'
while I'm in here starvin'

waiting for my dinner.

Why don't you quit
thinkin' about food

and find a way to
get us out of here?

Oh, Lulu, Lulu,
it's all your fault.

You keep me on that diet so
long and now I'm so starvin'

I can't think of nothin'.

It's a shame, Jefferson,
that we have to be in here.

I know it.

But if we was out, I
would fix you some

buttermilk pancakes to start.

You would?

And about a half dozen pork
chops smothered in gravy.

Ooh. Yeah?

- With some chitlins..
- Oh.

And some turnip greens..

Oh.

And maybe a big piece of
warm pecan pie for dessert

with a big ol' scoop of homemade
vanilla ice cream on top of it.

You'd do all that, honey bunny?

If we was out
helpin' Bo and Luke.

Oh, if we was out
helpin' Bo and Luke.

Well, Bo and Luke
were out of the fire

but not out of the fryin' pan.

- Dinner, Mr. Hogg.
- Oh, dinner. Dinner, huh?

Oh, you brought dinner.

We don't want none of that slop.

I want some of that slop.

- No, you don't.
- No?

It's the same menu you
ordered to all our prisoners.

Yeah, but I don't want
none served by no traitor.

You know what I mean?

Like him. Like you, Enos.

Who's got no respect
for law and order.

That's right. You
know what you are?

You're a regular
Benjamin Arnold.

That's Benedict.

Yeah, a regular
Benjamin Benedict.

But, sheriff, Mr. Hogg, I-I
never done anything against

the law in my whole life.

Ain't that so, Daisy? Miss Lulu?

Up until now, Enos.

We know you'd never
break the law, Enos.

But it is your beholden duty,
Enos, to protect the innocent.

Yes, sir.

And you know in your heart
that Bo and Luke are innocent.

Possum on a gum bush.

Daisy, I didn't ever mean
to not help the innocent.

Well, then, do it.

- Do what?
- Get the keys.

- Help the innocent.
- Help the innocent.

- Get the keys. Over there.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

- Okay, Luke. Stop the car.
- Here?

'You heard me.'

Don't try to win any medals.
You'll never get to wear 'em.

Now get out of the
car. One at a time.

'Move over to the edge of
the road there slow and easy.'

I'm going.

Move back.

There's no cop cars, no chopper.

No, not yet, but
they'll be comin'.

And so is the other set of
wheels we're gonna be needing.

- 'You lie down there.'
- What?

I want you to pretend
that you're hurt.

Better do what he says, Bo,
or you won't have to pretend.

Now, Hixx, you get down
there, and you make it look good.

You hear me?

Back up there. Put
your hands down.

Get out of the car.

Come on!

Alright, hold it.

Get up. All of you!

Alright. Alright.

Herman.

Where's Herman?

Well..

I'm afraid that this is where
we're gonna say goodbye.

Somebody better do some
quick thinkin' and fast talkin'.

I'm finally gonna get
even with you, Luke Duke.

Hadn't been for you, I'd be in
the Marine. I'd have my stripes.

You got your stripes, Benson.
Only they run up and down.

That big yellow one that
goes up and down your back.

One you get for sh**t' people
that can't defend themselves.

You just keep runnin'
off with the mouth.

A condemned man got a right
to speak his peace, ain't he?

You are gonna sh**t
him after me, ain't ya?

And then probably this feller
and probably Herman the cricket.

Oh, no. Lee, he wouldn't
do that. Not to Herman.

Sure he would, Hixx.

After he's done using you,
he's probably gonna k*ll you too.

'A snake turns on anybody.'

- Even other snakes.
- Lee..

'You got grits for brains?'

Can't you see? They're trying
to turn us against each other.

Ain't that right,
Ex-Sergeant Duke?

Benson ever tell you why
he got thrown in the brig?

He busted into his
best buddy's footlocker

and was stealin' the guy blind.

'When the guy walks
in and catches him at it'

'Benson slips a Kn*fe
up 'tween his ribs.'

Real trustworthy
pal you got there.

'Radio said you only had six
months left on your sentence.'

Well, you can just as soon
kiss that goodbye now..

That your buddy talked
you into escapin' with him.

Don't sound too bright to me.

'You're gonna be
stuck with a m*rder rap.'

Alright, I've had
enough out of you two.

Well, I ain't!

I know you think I'm
real dumb, don't you?

Maybe I am. They're right.

I wasn't smart bustin'
out with you like that

but ain't nothin' I can
do about that now.

But I ain't going back
there. Not for k*lling them!

Now, they stay. We got wheels.

'If anybody's gonna come down
on 'em just let it be the cops.'

They're lookin' for the orange
car. Not the car we're driving.

And they'll be on
the CB as we take off.

Oh, the hell they are!

- Would you come on?
- I want 'em, Hixx.

Especially Luke.
I want him dead.

No. Not if k*lling him means
taking Herman and me with him.

Now, are you comin' or not?

Another time, Duke.

That there took
some fancy talkin'.

We were just plain lucky.

These guys are
both crazy as loons.

Yeah.

Oh, great. Just what we needed.

Hey?

Get him in the shade.

I got spare tire in the trunk.
We gotta make a quick change.

We ain't still goin'
after 'em, are we?

- We got any choice?
- No.

Hey? Mister, hello?

Hey, come on. Come on,
we gotta get you in the shade.

Hey.

Oh, is that the
manifest I asked for?

Okay. Uh, get back
to your patrol car

and take it up
on the north side.

Air Seven, Air Seven.

This is Sheriff Little.
Any sign of 'em yet?

'That's a negative. I'm
gonna take another sweep.'

Let's go.

- Is he gonna be alright?
- Yeah. He'll be fine.

- 'Good, we're out. Let's go.'
- Shush.

- I'm going up there.
- Hold it.

- What do you mean? What?
- Just hold it.

Let Enos go first and
make sure the coast is clear.

Oh, the coast is clear.
Yeah, you go. You go.

Go on now. Clear the coast?

'I don't know how they did it,
but they got through' the fire.'

'That orange car's
back on the road'

'heading east on State
toward the state line.'

Alright, Air Seven.
You stay with them.

All units. All units, copy.

Remember, them suspects
and them escaped cons

are armed and dangerous.

I'm on my way.

Strate. You stay by that radio.

Now, come on up.

Oh, alright. What happened?

They're out of the
fire and headed east

on Highway ,
going to the state line.

- They're okay.
- Oh, they are alright.

They're alright then.
That's good news.

Uncle Jesse, we've
gotta get Sheriff Little

to tell his men not to sh**t.

With them escaped
convicts being armed..

Daisy, I'm afraid
they'll sh**t on sight.

Amen, Enos. Them
ol' boys will open up

quicker than a hot Kn*fe
going through fresh goat butter.

Them poor boys
ain't got a chance.

Yeah.

We gotta figure out some
way to stop Sheriff Little.

Wait a pea-pickin'
minute, Jesse.

I'm the law around
here and if anybody's

gonna give orders...

It's gonna be me!
Rosco, hush up.

Jefferson Davis Hogg.

It's almost dinner time.

Ooh, yeah, I get it.

Alright, Jesse, I was
wrong. You're in charge.

But what about Bo and Luke?

The boys will be able to
take care of the convicts.

I'm sure of that.

We gotta worry about
Sheriff Little and his men.

If we take Mill Road, we can
head him off at Pine Creek.

Alright, what are
we waitin' for?

The sooner we get it
over with, the sooner I eat.

- Where's my hat?
- Let's go.

Enos!

Come on, come on, come on.

'Come on, come on.
Enos, where you going?'

Come on, come on.
We haven't got all night.

Let's go, let's go.

Oh, thank you very,
very much. What?

No stuffin' until
everybody's safe and sound.

- Yeah, but..
- Here. Come on, Boss.

Alright, alright.

As Hazzard Number
One and Number Two

raced off to stop
Sheriff Little..

Them escaped convicts
was racin' for the state line.

We're gonna make it,
Lee. We're gonna make it.

You hear that, Herman?
We're gonna make it.

With Bo and Luke in the
General racing after 'em

trying to close the gap.

Trouble was, nobody, especially
that state-police chopper

had any idea Benson
and Hixx was in another car

and not in the General.

Great. That chopper ain't got no
idea he's chasing the wrong car.

We ain't got no
radio to tell him either.

Hey. What are we
gonna do about it?

I don't know, ain't
you got no ideas?

While Bo and Luke tried to play
catch-up with Benson and Hixx

Hazzard Number
One and Number Two

were looking to catch
up with Sheriff Little.

There. Right near Pine Creek.

This is Hazzard Two
calling Hazzard One.

Daisy got on the horn
to Boss, Rosco and Lulu

in Hazzard Number One,
and told them the idea

was to block the
road or force him off..

Any way they could.

The game gets sweeter.

Give me the mike.
You got a hairpin?

I sure do.

Thank you.

With Little's car and
radio out of commission

Jesse, using some
static to disguise his voice

made it appear like Sheriff
Little was doing the talking.

The orange car.

Hope that works.

We ain't never gonna catch 'em.

They're probably out of
the dang state by now.

I'm gonna cut over
onto High Top Road.

Maybe we can spot 'em.
Ain't got nothin' to lose.

Unless them fellas
up in that helicopter

decide to use us
for target practice.

What are you slowing down for?

We're getting
near the state line.

I don't wanna get
stopped for speeding.

We're just supposed to
be two law-abiding citizens

passing through.

Three.

You forgot Herman.

There they are.

Great, how are we gonna stop
'em? They got g*ns, remember?

We just drop in on 'em. Hang on.

Well, Herman..

I guess we're going home.

- Nice sh*t.
- Yeah.

Well, Benson and Hixx
were back behind bars

where they belonged.

Oh, Lord. I can't
eat another bite.

And that meant, with
the exception of Boss

who nearly foundered
from overeatin'

Lulu and everybody else in
Hazzard, especially the Dukes

were able to sleep peacefully.

But in Hazzard, you never
know what's gonna show up

with the morning sun.