07x13 - The Haunting of J.D. Hogg

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw.'

Way back when gas
was cents a gallon..

Silas Hogg, Boss Hogg's uncle..

Was like a second
father to old Jesse.

Bo and Luke are driving
their Uncle Jesse to town

to attend the reading
of old Silas' will.

We gotta get there in a hurry
but keep this car on the road.

We wouldn't be so late getting
to the reading of Silas' will.

If Luke didn't take so long
rebuilding that carburetor.

If I hadn't taken so long

rebuilding that carburetor we
wouldn't be going anywhere.

Boys... just cool
it. Keep driving.

Yes, sir.

'Everybody liked Silas
Hogg, didn't they?'

'Sure.'

Silas liked everybody
he ever met too.

Including his nephew, J.D.?

Well, he liked J.D. well enough.

Well, if he liked him well
enough, tell me one thing?

How come he's to
send you that letter

making you executor of
his new will, instead of Boss?

Listen, Bo liking and
trusting is two different things.

Any way you slice it,
Boss's gonna be mad

when he finds out
about the change.

When he finds out that Silas
left all his money to charity

I'd like to see the
look on his face.

And I'm gonna be there
to see that charity gets it.

'I, Silas Hogg, declare
this here recording'

'to be my last will.'

'To my friend, Jesse
Duke in fond memory'

'of the times we
spent together.'

'I leave my secret shine recipe'

'which is under
the kitchen sink.'

'Everything else,
including $ , in cash'

'is to be given to
charity at the discretion'

'of my nephew, J.D. Hogg'

'who I hereby name
executor of my estate.'

Well, Hogg..

Do we have ourselves a deal?

Uh, well, uh maybe we
do and maybe we don't.

Uh, it was kind of complicated.

Why don't you just
run it by me again.

Well, it's quite simple.

Your Uncle Silas made that
recorded will years ago.

But he made out a
new will last month.

This written will in
which he replaced you

as executor with Jesse Duke.

'For reasons which are
obvious to both of us.'

Yeah? Well, speak for yourself.

Uh, in any event uh, in return
for percent of the estate

uh, you'd be willing to
tear up that there written will

leaving me the original
executor of all that money.

Yeah, that's about it.

Because nobody but old
Silas and those of us here

knows about this second will.

Yeah, I get it, I get
it. Alright. Ha ha ha!

- You got yourself a deal.
- Good, good.

Now, it's time to tear up
that written will, ain't it?

Oh, well, I'll do that
after we split the ,

Oh, after.

In case, you get
any change of ideas.

Oh-oh-oh. No, no.

The only idea I
got is making sure

everything comes
out fine in the end.

Uh, but what I don't understand
is how come you invited

Jesse Duke to the
reading of the will?

Well, he's got to be here.
He's mentioned in the will.

We want things nice
and legal, don't we?

- Do we?
- Yes.

You're the lawyer.

You remember how to work
that remote control unit, Daisy?

You bet..

That's Mr. Winkle with Daisy.

Before he retired
from show business

he did a special ventriloquist
impersonation act.

Now, once a year, he
gives a performance

for Daisy's all-girl
Junior Patrol.

Girls. This is Mr. Winkle.

And he's got a demonstration
on safety for y'all.

So you pay attention, okay?

Young ladies..

Say hello to Sheriff Coltrane.

He's sitting right
here in this chair.

Nah.

You don't believe me, huh?

Okay. We'll see.

Sheriff. Say
something to the girls.

This is your sheriff,
Rosco P. Coltrane.

'Don't be afraid of your
sheriff, Rosco P. Coltran"

because he loves children.

And today, we're gonna
talk about traffic safety.

While Mr. Winkle
was performing tricks

for Daisy's Junior Patrol.

Lawyer Larson and Boss

was about to play
tricks of their own.

'To my friend, Jesse Duke'

'in fond memory of the
times we spent together'

'I leave my secret shine recipe'

'which is under
the kitchen sink.'

'Everything else,
including $ , in cash'

'is to be given to charity'

'at the discretion of
my nephew, J.D. Hogg'

'who I hereby name
executor of my estate.'

'Oh, ain't that just
like my Uncle Silas.'

Always thinking of the
poor and the needy..

Including you, Jesse.

And that dear friends,
concludes the reading of the will.

- Thank you for coming.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh-uh, hold on, just a second.

That don't conclude
nothing. We got a letter.

- A letter?
- What kind of letter?

What Bo's referring to

is a letter that Silas
wrote me last month.

Saying he'd made out a new will.

Naming Uncle
Jesse, as the executor.

- That's right.
- Naming Uncle Je..?

I mean, I don't know
whether to laugh or to cry.

'Please-please, Mr. Hogg'

I know you're
overcome with grief.

Mr. Duke, you have
that letter with you?

Well, not on me I don't.

Of course you don't,
because there's no such letter.

- A-alright, hush up, Rosco.
- Well, he just...

Look here,
Mr. Larson's the lawyer.

Uh, let him handle this.
That's what he gets paid for.

Yeah, well, there's
always a possibility

that Silas, unbeknownst to
me, did make out another will.

Mr. Duke, would you
mind, getting that letter.

- And bringing it here?
- Well, sure.

It's-it's at the farm.
We'll be right back.

Yeah, but... but, ah..

Well, was that the
right thing to say?

I mean, whose side
are you on anyways?

- Yeah.
- Ours.

Now, we've gotta act fast.

Sharp's outside. I'll have
him follow the Dukes.

Make sure they
don't get to their farm

before you and
your sheriff get there.

Before we get there? What do?

Oh, I get it. We're
gonna go to the farm.

- Wait a minute. Boss? Boss?
- Huh? Huh?

Listen. Why are we
going to the Duke farm?

Why? Why? To pick
apples. Why do you think?

We're gonna go get the letter.

I just wanted to
see if you knew.

Yeah, oh, well alright.
Come on, let's go.

Wait a minute.
You got my hat on?

You got mine.

Oh, for goodness'
sakes, give me that.

So remember..

Always look both ways
before you cross the street.

'This is your sheriff,
Rosco P. Coltrane'

'giving you a big ten-four.'

Okay, girls, I want y'all to
get ready for lunch now, okay?

Mr. Winkle, you
haven't lost your touch.

- That was great.
- Oh. Thanks, Daisy.

Was that Silas on the record?

Oh, sure. I know
his voice anywhere.

It don't make sense.

It sure don't jive with
what the letter said.

The letter said he'd
already written it.

Yeah, I know it.

It means that Boss has just
got to be, up to his trick again.

It also means that lawyer
Larson, is in on it with him.

- Uh-huh.
- Maybe he is, maybe he isn't.

I'll tell you what when we
show that letter to the lawyer

'if he don't do the right thing'

we'll go right to Judge Carter.

That's a good idea.
I'll tell you one thing.

If that money goes to
Boss, it ain't going to charity.

You got that right.

Uh-huh. Here comes
the lawyer's stooge.

And it don't look like he's
looking for a place to picnic.

- What the heck is that?
- Who's that?

I ain't got any idea.

Oh, fine. There goes
the carburetor again.

Luke, hang on.

Rebuilt the carburetor, huh?

- It was working, wasn't it?
- Yeah. Not for long.

I found the problem.

Couldn't figure out
where these went, huh?

Just go get the
toolbox, will you?

- Give me them.
- Alright.

- You got it, Uncle Jesse?
- Yep. Getting my knee.

Well, I screwed up,
Uncle Jesse. Look here.

That guy was trying
to run us off the road.

He didn't want us to
get where we was going.

That's what I was
thinking. How-how bad is it?

Oh, I don't think it's too bad.

But it's gonna take a while
to get back up on the road.

I'll try to get hold of Daisy.
Have her pick that letter up.

- Call, anytime you need me.
- Thanks.

'This is Shepherd
calling Bo Peep.'

'Shepherd calling
Bo Peep. Come back.'

Bo Peep here.

'Uh, w-where are you?'

Well, I just dropped
off Mr. Winkle.

Jesse told Daisy
about their predicament

and how important it was
that she got back to the farm

and get hold of
old Silas' letter.

Okay, Uncle Jesse, I'm gone.

Meanwhile, Daisy was on her way.

And Boss and Rosco
were at the Duke farm

looking for Silas' letter.

Aspirin in here.

Oh, look at that.
That looks like...

- Oh, forget it, will you?
- Yes, well. Where?

- I know. The bedroom.
- The bedroom?

They're more than likely to
keep it close to them at night.

- Oh. Yeah, I see.
- Alright. Uh..

- That's just..
- A lot of clothes in here.

- That's all clothes, I'll bet.
- That's what it is.

I wouldn't put it in
there, would you?

No. I don't know
where I'd put it.

- Well..
- Let's try it over here.

You try that desk,
and I'll try this.

Yeah, try that over there.

Oh, that's a nice
brush there. That's...

- Rosco, keep looking.
- Well..

- What? Uh-oh. What's this?
- Huh?

This might be it.

- Found it?
- This might be it.

- What is it?
- Oh, let's see.

I think that's it.

"So, Jesse, I've
finally come to realize

"what a scalawag my
nephew Jefferson is.

"So I'm changing my will.

"And I'm naming
you as my executor.

"That way, I'll know
for sure all my money's

going to the poor
and the needy."

- Huh.
- Huh.

Well-well-well.

I tell you, I resent him
calling me a scalawag.

So do I. I don't even
know what it is. What is it?

- Never mind what it is.
- Well.

All I know is that
with possession

of this here letter, we got
ourselves $ , cold cash

plus Silas' house,
farm and furniture.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, that's so
goody, goody for us.

Come on, Dixie.

'That's smart.'

'Dang, they already got there.'

- Alright, lose her. Lose her.
- Well, she's after us now.

- 'There's Boss and Rosco.'
- 'Uh-huh.'

That means they've been in
the house and found the letter.

And they're driving all over
the road too. Hang on, y'all.

'Look out for Daisy.'

You know, if the Dukes put all
of their cars out of commission

they're gonna be doing their
chasing on Maudeen the mule.

Well that's some fancy driving.

That could have been horrendous.

- Daisy, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm alright.

- We couldn't hardly see you.
- Nice stop.

- Where'd you come from?
- We just missed Boss and Rosco.

- Hey. You got that letter?
- That was something.

I caught up with Boss
and Rosco on the way back

from the farm but I
couldn't catch them.

Nobody was hurt.
That's the main thing.

Now that they got that letter,
what the heck we gonna do?

I'll tell you what, We're
gonna go into town

and have a showdown
with Boss and Rosco.

If we raise a stink

maybe Larson will think
twice about what he's up to.

And if that don't work,
there's always Judge Carter.

While we do that, Daisy
should go talk to Cooter

and Silas' other friends.

I bet he mentioned
that new will to them.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

- Let's go.
- Let's get going.

- Watch for clouds of dust.
- Right.

- Be careful.
- You scared me.

'I wish I had some
marshmallows.'

Well, goodbye,
Uncle Silas' letter.

Hello , simoleons.

'Open up. We gotta talk to you"

Oh, just a second.
Rosco, get rid of this.

Oh!

Come on in.

Alright, we know that you
stole that letter from Uncle Silas.

Now, where is it?

Jesse Duke.

You know, I'm gonna
have to forgive you

for that sinful accusation

'out of respect for my
dear departed Uncle Silas.'

That there's
him, ain't it, Luke?

Yeah it sure
is. It all fits now.

Rosco, do your
duty. Arrest this fella.

- He done run us off the road.
- Why would he do that?

To give Boss and Rosco time
to steal that letter from Silas.

- Uh-oh.
- There you go again.

- Mm-hmm.
- Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Let me caution you against
making any false accusations.

Mr. Sharp's been with me
ever since you left the office.

'Absolutely.'

And I personally guarantee you

that Boss found no letter
calling him a scalawag..

- Would you just hush, please?
- Well.

'I'm sick of this thing, I don't
wanna hear a word on this.'

Alright, J.D., you're not gonna
hear any more words from us.

We'll go to Judge Carter and
see what he's gotta say about this.

- Judge Carter?
- 'Come on, boys.'

We owe you one.

Did you hear that?

- They're going to Judge Carter.
- Yeah.

- They're just blowing smoke.
- Yeah?

- There's nothing they can do.
- Alright.

I'll, I'll go to that
bank in Summerville

and arrange for
collecting that money.

You both sit tight
until I get back.

- Alright.
- 'Come on, Sharp.'

You go to the bank
and get the money.

And Rosco and me.

We'll sit tight.

Oh.

Oh. Rosco, watch that
g*n, will you, please?

Ain't Carter the judge that's
trying to get you disbarred?

Yeah, he sure is.

That's why we can't let
those Dukes talk to him.

What do you want me to do?

Just make sure they
don't get to Summerville.

'You know, what I
don't understand is'

why did Silas make Boss
the executor in the first place?

Yeah, he must have
known what Boss was like.

I remember you telling
us that one summer

y'all went up to Silas'
place when you were kids.

And all them nasty
things Boss was doing.

Well, Silas was
the kind of fella

that liked to see
good in everybody

and I guess he just
put those nasty things

as you say, down
as childish pranks.

Oh, great. We got company.
Coming up on us real quick.

It's Sharp. And he
ain't here to apologize.

- You better hit it.
- Alright.

He's fast too.

Bo, you think that new bridge
is finished over Baker's Creek?

No. Probably not. It
takes county funds to fix it.

You boys thinking what
I think you're thinking?

I don't wanna go
flying in this car.

We don't either, Uncle
Jesse, but we're here now.

Hang on.

- You alright?
- Just barely.

- Get me to Judge Carter's.
- Alright.

Keep this thing on the ground.

I tell you, in all the
years I knew old Silas

we talked about
everything under the sun.

But I don't recall him
ever saying nothing

about making out no new will.

Funny, you know, the last
time I saw him is right here.

Saw Boss going in
his office and he says

"There goes that
scalawag nephew of mine."

Tell you what, though,
I know all his friends

and I'll ask around for you.

- Ha ha ha.
- Ah.

- There it is.
- Oh. What is that?

Well, It's a photo of
Uncle Silas' house.

Oh. It is?

- It ain't Uncle Silas' house.
- It ain't?

- No. Now it's mine.
- Oh, it's yours?

- Soon it's gonna be yours.
- You mean mine?

Yeah. And then it's
gonna be mine again.

Well, that figures.

Listen, I knew something
naughty was forming

in that chrome dome of yours.

I just couldn't figure
out what it is. What is it?

- Alright, I'll tell you.
- Yeah.

Rosco, Uncle Silas'
house, uh, plus the furniture

plus the farm that goes
with it, has gotta be worth

oh, I don't know,
probably $ , .

Oh.

Now, you're gonna
buy it for $ .

Uh, yeah...

And after we give
Larson his

well, you'll just
sign it over to me.

And that way, Larson will
get his honest - split.

- Just like I promised.
- Wait a minute, Boss.

Wait a minute. I
don't understand.

If that house is worth $ ,

how am I gonna buy it for five?

Because I'm gonna
put it on public auction.

- Tomorrow at midnight.
- At midnight?

Yeah. And you're gonna be
the only one there to bid on it.

I would be the only one there.

Now, as soon as I get out
these here public auction forms

we'll go over to Silas'
house and take inventory.

Wait a minute, Boss,
did you say midnight?

Yeah.

- I can't be there.
- Hm?

Flash and I, we gotta go
nighty-night by Nine o'clock.

Well, set your clock
ahead three hours.

That way you
won't lose any sleep.

Oh, well, see, that would..

- Hey.
- 'Hey.'

I had a hunch you'd be here.

By the look of you, you didn't
do better than I did. did you?

No, you got that right.

Didn't Judge Carter believe you?

Sure, he believed us.

There ain't nothing he can do
about it until he gets evidence.

Did he have any suggestions?

He said, and I quote

"Either you're gonna have to
produce a copy of the new will

presuming one was made."

"Or get one of them
conspirators to up and confess."

The conspirator is J.D. Hogg,
and he's not about to confess

until he's with his Uncle
Silas in the great hereafter.

- Maybe not, Uncle Jesse.
- 'What do you mean?'

I got an idea.

While Luke was
outlining his plan

Larson and Sharp was
holding a meeting of their own.

- What happened?
- Well, I don't know.

I was right behind them.

They must have kicked
a turbocharger or a jet.

And that car jumped
clean across the river.

And left me sitting
on the other side.

They ain't gonna
get away next time.

Ah, forget it, Sharp.

They'll be looking
over their shoulders.

The bank, will have money
ready for us, to pick up by three.

Which gives us plenty of time
to catch the flight to Mexico.

What about them Duke boys?

Well, we'll let
Hogg handle them.

All he's gotta do is keep
them under wraps till midnight.

Let's go.

If you can hear me, Mr. Hogg

'please respond.'

- For goodness sakes.
- Oh, here.

Give me that.

- This is J.D. Hogg responding.
- Say hello from Rosco.

- Too late.
- Oh.

Larson told Boss
how things stood

and what Boss had to
do to protect their interest.

Oh, don't you worry
none. I'll handle it.

- Come on, Rosco. Guess what?
- What?

- We gotta go stop them Dukes.
- Oh.

I think Larson is
gonna steal the money

while Boss is out
watching the Dukes.

You realize the only way
this thing is gonna work

is if somehow, through all that
greed, Boss finds a conscience.

Yeah, I know that.

What do you think, Uncle Jesse?

Well, if I was a betting man, I
sure wouldn't bet , on it.

Well, speak of the
devil. Here he comes.

- Faster, there they are.
- Yeah.

'Turn. Turn there, will you.'

This is J.D. Hogg, County
Health Commissioner

calling the Dukes.

We're right behind
you, don't you know?

We want you to pull over

on account of this is
a medical emergency.

It is?

- It is.
- Oh.

You know what? If we jump to
the lower road, we can lose 'em.

If we'd, what?

Well, it's more like sort
of a hop, Uncle Jesse.

Bo, you pull over right now.

I'd rather take my
chances with J.D.

Alright. Come on.

Alright, J.D., what's
this medical emergency?

Yeah. Well.

Rosco, Rosco. Oh-oh-oh.

Don't get any
closer to them Dukes

till we find out what they got.

Rosco, I-I don't think them
Dukes have heard about it.

Well, no I don't guess so.

- Ain't heard about what?
- Uh.

You dodo, that disease

that's spreading like
wildfire over in Summerville.

Oh.

- Oh, that disease.
- That disease.

'Queasy-queasy.'

'Since you Dukes have
just been in Summerville.'

It's my duty, under section

of the communicable
diseases regulations

to see to it that you spend at
least hours in quarantine.

At least.

So we make sure
you ain't got it.

Yeah.

Now, y'all pay attention.

First off, the Dukes wasn't
hiding behind the door

when the Almighty
passed out brains.

They knew something
was up with Boss.

And they figured
if old Boss thought

that they were safely put away

well, then they'd be
free to hunt for the letter.

It was the old
Hazzard doublethink.

Which is, let the other guy

think that you don't know
what he's doing, but you do.

So whatever he does, he can't.

Because you already
know about it. See?

Just go on in
there, or I'll get you

for insubordination
of a county official.

Quarantined.

Yeah, that ought to hold them.

I sure am lucky I had this safe
house to put them in, ain't I?

- Yeah.
- Now, you..

You remember to
do like I told you, huh?

And after I split that
money with Larson

I'll come back and pick you up.

Listen, Boss, you
don't think those Dukes

really had any kind of
communicating disease, do you?

What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they did.

- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Bad case of terminal stupid's.
- Oh.

And they caught it from you.

Listen, just unhitch
that General Lee.

So I can get out
of here, will you?

Rosco's gonna stand
guard on the front porch.

There's more than one
window around here.

Let's go try that
one over there.

- That's stupid.
- And bad.

Quarantine. Can
you believe that?

Hey, wait a second.

Here. Give that a pop
with your hand, would you?

'Alright.'

You're..

You sucker, you just..

Hm.

Oh, that's rotten. That..

One, two...

We need something
to pry it with.

No, we got it, Uncle Jesse.

- We can work it loose.
- Hey, there.

Alright, I'm serious now.

Freeze?

Whoa! That's it.

Oh, I did it. That's it.

That..

Alright, fella, you're next.

Shh-shh-shh.

Freeze.

Well, just about
anywhere Rosco fired

he'd hit a Duke,
so they freezed..

Uh, froze.

Uh, they did what he said.

You don't need the g*n, Rosco.

- You near scared us to death.
- Hey.

Come on, let me help you
up. Did you twist your ankle?

Wait a minute, I'll help
him. If there's any helping.

That's my old tripwire.

Here, Jesse. Wait a minute. Oh.

- Alright, Rosco.
- Wha...

Shame-shame-shame now.

You weren't hurt.
You tricked me.

- Well, you tricked me.
- Well..

What comes down, comes
around. Here, let me help you up.

- Well, just...
- Just right there.

Well, just... oh.

Daisy finally caught Mr. Winkle

and told him how
they needed his help..

And why.

Mr. Winkle loved it.

He needed a gig bad.

Even a free one.

Well, just... I'll just..

Oh. That's just..

Now, off with it..

Uh. See, they try to tie up..

Oh, ah.

And lock me in here. I'll just..

Yeah. I'll just...
well, I... yeah.

Uh, see? He-he.

More than one way to skin your..

The Dukes met
up in Boss' office.

While Bo and Jesse was
watching for any sign of Boss

well, Daisy and Luke played
the recording Silas had made.

'My friend, Jesse Duke.'

Why don't you give
it a try, Mr. Winkle.

I, Silas Hogg, do hereby declare

this here recording to
be my last testament.

Alright, it sounds great.

- Is that alright?
- Okay.

'Yeah, I got them
Dukes in quarantine.'

Here they come.

'Don't worry about
them no more.'

That's the signal. Duck.

Hm.

Uh, come on, Mr. Winkle.

Alrighty.

Now then, Mr. Larson..

What about that $ , ?

Get me that Summerville
bank. I wanna talk to a Mr. Lucas.

Mr. Lucas.

Alright. Be glad to.

Uh, Gussie. This
is J.D. Hogg here.

Uh, would you get me a
Mr. Lucas at the Summerville bank?

Oh, Mr. Lucas. Uh, hold on.

Mm. Mr. Lucas?

Eh, Larson.

'Oh, that's fine.'

Yeah, I'll be there in
person to pick it up.

Money will be ready
by the time I get there.

'Oh, yeah.'

Uh, where do you
wanna meet for the split?

Oh. Well, listen.

I'm going out to Silas'
house now to take inventory.

Uh, can you bring
the money there?

'I not only can, I will.'

Mr. Hogg, it's a pleasure
doing business with a man

who likes to do business.

Likewise, I'm sure.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

'Hey.'

Well, here it is.

Larson's gone to
pick up the money.

They're gonna divide
it at Silas' house.

Oh, great. There
goes your plan, Luke.

No-no-no. This is gonna
make it work even better.

All we gotta do is
b*at Boss over to Silas'

and make sure that
Larson don't get there.

Well, I can detain
Larson. He don't know me.

Well, alright. But
you be careful.

'That fella with him
is just dead-out mean.'

- Okay.
- Yeah. You ready, Mr. Winkle?

- Ready as I'll ever be.
- He was sounding great.

- He sure did.
- You okay?

- Well, I was scared, yeah.
- We got it.

Oh, tiddly-tuddly.

Oh, good news.

'Good news. A jackass.'

There's transportation
on the hoof.

Yeah. Good thing
I was a rodeo star.

Now, while Luke's plan
to get Boss to confess

was moving right along.

Rosco was in need
of any transportation.

But knowing his
luck with vehicles

he'd soon be filling out
forms for wrecking a mule.

Oh. Oh, that's it.

Oh-oh.

Oh, jumpy, huh?

Well, you scuff me,
and I'll scuff you.

You jackass. Uh, jack..

What are you laughing at?

Lester won't even
let my dad ride him.

Well, that's just..

Hey, uh... uh, just
a second there.

Hold it there, I
wanna talk to you.

Just-just, uh..

Uh, listen... um..

That mule ain't exactly
a saddle horse, is it?

Well, what do we have
here? Isn't this a doozy?

It looks brand new.

I'm gonna have to condemner
it. I mean I've to borrow it.

I have to borrow it
for police business.

- It's official.
- I don't know.

Well, you see,
I-I have to have it.

It's an emergency.

I have... it's police business.

See, I'm in hot pursuit.

This... you'll notice at no time
do my hands leave my wrists.

I love this.

Be careful with it.

While Daisy was trailing that
no-account lawyer, Larson.

Trying to figure
out how to keep him

from getting to
Silas' house too soon.

And Boss Hogg was
heading for Silas' house

the General was
taking a shortcut.

For Luke's plan to succeed,
the Dukes and Mr. Winkle

had to get to Silas'
house before Boss Hogg.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

My-my car stalled out.

Heck, I broke a
nail trying to fix it.

Oh, I-I hope you
gentlemen are alright.

Yeah, we're alright.

And since you're alright,
we'd like to be on our way.

Oh, sure, but I can't let you go

without inspecting the
damage on your car.

Now, you just stay right here.

Hm.

That's one scatter
brained young woman.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe not.

- What you got there?
- Your registration.

Miss Duke.

I guess sticking your nose,
in other people's business

is a family trait.

Let's get a move on.

We better get this done fast.
J.D. could be here at any time.

Alright, Mr. Winkle, set that
box up here on the top step.

- Okay.
- Where do we start?

We set all the magnets on
the outside first. Then the inside.

- Alright.
- Let's set the gate up.

- You got some gadgets for that?
- Here. That's for that.

Y'all remember that
remote control gizmo

Winkle used on the
chair with Rosco's voice?

Well, they're fixing
to use it again.

Let's go.

Oh!

Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa.

What a horrendous crash. That..

That-that would have
k*lled ordinary men.

That was just a...
that doggone bicycle

you made me drop my..

I better take it back
to that little boy.

- Alright, that does it.
- That's great.

Okay. You guys
bring that box in.

We've move fast. We got
lot to do and not much time.

- Alright.
- Also... here.

- Come on, Bo.
- There we go.

Hey. Alright. The
right tool for the job.

'That's right.'

This sucker here
is getting heavy.

It just..

Criminally att*ck a law officer.

I should have dumped
it a long time ago. It just..

One way or another,
Rosco was gonna wind up

buying that boy a new bike.

You boys remember how
to use a remote control unit?

Yeah. A can of corn.

Where are you and Uncle Jesse
gonna be when Boss gets here?

Those bushes
alongside the porch there.

We'll be on the other side.

You get going,
there's a car coming.

Alright, come on.

Here we are. There.

- Alright.
- Give it a sh*t.

- Which one works gate? This?
- Yeah.

Welcome, Jefferson.

You haven't been here
since you were a little boy.

Welcome, Jefferson.

You haven't been here
since you were a little boy.

Who said that?

'Your Uncle Silas.'

My Uncle Silas? But-but..

'Don't you recognize my voice?'

Yeah, I recognize your voice.

But you can't be Uncle
Silas, you're dead.

I-I-I mean, he's dead.

'I may be dead, Jefferson'

'but I'm not at peace.'

Listen, whoever you
are, this ain't funny.

Well..

Oh-oh-oh, you scared me.

- Well, you scared me.
- Rosco.

Oh, please, that was a
mean thing of you to do.

- What?
- Ah.

Well, coming up here like that.

What are you doing here anyways?

What happened to the Dukes?

Well, there's kind
of bad news on that.

Oh, no.

They were, and
then they weren't...

- I know, they got away.
- Well, sort of.

You didn't talk to me as
you came up here, did you?

- No, I was too pooped.
- You were?

Alright, it don't matter
none. Listen, come on.

Which one does the... this one?

That one there. That one there.

First, we got some
heavy inventorying to do.

- Boss.
- Uh, what?

Look.

Why is that swinging
with nobody sitting in it?

There sure ain't.

I'm sitting here, Jefferson.

Rosco..

Did you hear that?

I heard that. Who's "I'm"?

Sounds exactly
like my Uncle Silas.

'Don't you remember when
you and Jesse were little boys'

'and you visited me?'

And you fixed the swing
so that when Jesse sat in it

it pinched his little behind.

And you fixed the swing

'so that when little Jesse
sat in it it pinched his behind.'

I thought you said your
Uncle Silas was dead.

He was. I mean,
he is. He is. He is!

Oh!

'He ought to be.'

Come on. Let's get inside

before we start
hearing things again.

- It's just..
- Argh. Would you please?

Uh.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Yeah, that's a dusty old place.

- Ah! What did you..?
- No one shut the door.

Oh.

Oh, I..

I got a quiver in my liver.

Come on, come on.

Rosco..

That chair is rocking away.

Yeah.

It was Uncle Silas' favorite.

It looks like he's sitting
in it this very minute.

Oh. Maybe it's termites.

Oh.

'Things ain't changed much'

'since you were here
as a boy, Jefferson.'

'And you were such
a bad boy, Jefferson.'

No-no-no. It wasn't me.

I-I didn't do none of them
terrible things, Uncle Silas.

Me either.

No, they was all done by
that little brat Jesse Duke.

Oh.

Remember this lamp, Jefferson?

'Remember this lamp, Jefferson"

Huh?

Oh yeah, the lamp. Yeah.

'How you used to stand
outside that window'

'and fire your
little BB g*n at it'

when poor little Jesse
was doing his homework?

- Ah! Oh, no.
- Oh!

You still deny it, Jefferson?

No-no-no. I did it. I did it.

I broke that lamp
and fired the g*n.

And I did everything because
I was a bad-bad-bad little boy.

But I've changed.

I have changed, Uncle
Silas, and that's the truth.

Listen, Boss. I'm
getting out of here.

No, no, don't leave me! Don't
leave me alone, with my Uncle.

Listen, he wasn't my uncle.

Stop, stop.

Uncle Silas. I'll give
you $ , cold cash

just to go away and
stay away forever.

Here, have fun, Uncle Jesse.

Money's no good
to me, Jefferson.

No, no, no. Ah, no.

Oh, Bo, Luke, we're
so glad to see you.

Boss, what's wrong?
You don't look well.

Luke, Bo, thank
goodness you come here.

Yeah. Uh-uh, see if you
can get Boss' Uncle Silas

to leave us alone.

'They can't help
you, Jefferson.'

No one can.

- You hear that?
- Yeah, hear that?

- Hear what?
- Well, I didn't hear nothing.

Oh!

Uncle Silas, uh, how-how
come the Dukes can't hear you

and Boss and I can?

'Only the guilty can hear me.'

'I'll be with you
both night and day'

'for the rest of
your lives unless..'

- Unless what?
- Unless what?

Unless you confess to the
terrible thing you're doing

and see to it that my
money goes to charity.

Uh, Uncle Silas. This is
your poor nephew, J.D. Hogg.

And say hello from Rosco.

- Uh, not at a time like this.
- Oh!

Uh, I'm right here
on bended knee

and I give you my solemn
words as one Hogg to another.

Your money will go to
charity. Just like you wanted.

Well, in that case,
Jefferson, I'll leave you now.

Oh!

'But if you go back
on your word..'

- I won't.
- He won't.

- I won't.
- He won't.

I won't.

Boss, I donno what you're
doing or who you're talking to

but he's doing the
right thing. Ain't he, Bo?

Yeah, he is. I'm proud
of you. Let's help you up.

Come on out and get some air.

- Yeah, you look peaked.
- I think he's gone.

Jesse, what's you
and Winkle doing here?

Uh, well, I'm just over here
reliving some of the good times

I had in this old house
and, uh, some of the bad.

Well. Well, Mr. Larson,
I'm here. I'm here.

Heh. And you're here. Heh-heh!
And, Rosco, uh, arrest this man.

- I'll take the satchel.
- Alright. Hee-hee.

'Oh-ho, it's all here.'

Eh, uh, Jesse, uh,
this money is yours

to give to charity. Just
like Uncle Silas wanted.

Well, thank you, J.D.

I donno how the
Dukes got you to do

what you're doing, Hogg.
Uh, but it doesn't matter.

Will you all kindly
look over here?

- Alright. Alright.
- Daisy?

- Coming out.
- You alright?

- Yeah... yeah.
- Now then, I'll take this.

Yeah, but what
about my percent?

- What about Daisy?
- She comes with us.

What you got her for? You
got the money right there.

If you all behave yourselves
you'll get her back eventually.

Now, I don't like it when
they start jeopardizing

sweet little old Daisy.

How we gonna get her
back without getting her hurt?

Well, in the way
I figured... first...

Oh, he didn't ask you.

- No, no, no, he asked Luke.
- Oh!

Let's see, from the
direction they left..

I-I got an idea. We
take the General Lee...

Luke outlined a plan that
called for split-second timing

and involved Rosco and
Boss as well as the Dukes.

- Alright? Right in there.
- Let's not talk anymore.

- Come on. Let's go.
- Uncle Jesse, you ride with us.

And Winkle, you go
along with Boss and Rosco.

- Okay. Everybody got it?
- Yeah, we got it.

You're never gonna
get away with this.

Yeah, that's what they
told me in law school.

Oh, yeah? Well, you ain't
making it out of the state, pal.

Twenty minutes, we'll
be on our way to Mexico.

That's easy. The police will
notify the Mexican authorities.

Yeah, but they won't be looking
for two men and a woman.

Are you taking me with you?

Well, you've been so helpful
I think you deserve a holiday.

Rosco, listen.
I've been thinking.

Uh, if you and me get to
Larson before them Dukes do

uh, if we dipped our hands
into that satchel full of money

nobody would know.

I would know, Jefferson.

Uh! Oh!

Uncle Silas, you're still here.

Listen you didn't
give me a chance

to finish what I was saying.

I'll give you a chance to
finish. Go ahead and finish.

Well, what I was saying
was nobody would know

if Rosco and me
put another ,

into that satchel for charity.

They got an awful
good head start.

Maybe there's something
we can do about that.

Luke called Rosco on
the CB and said to execute

the old moonshine
nutcracker at the Boar's Nest

which is to catch a
car between two cars.

You don't get any smart ideas.

If I figured right we ought to
be seeing them about... now.

You figured right.
There they are.

There they are. There
they are. There they are.

Where-where did you tell
Rosco he ought to meet us?

- Whoa!
- The General Lee!

Hit the brakes.

The problem was the
moonshine nutcracker

don't hardly work at
all if you miss the car.

Alright. Come on.
Out of there right now.

- You alright, Uncle Jesse?
- Yeah, I'm alright.

Daisy, you alright?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Boy, you did great.

- Thanks. Wow.
- Wow, Luke did alright.

Tell you what. Come
on in. I'm buying.

But just the first one.

Well, I'm gonna
arrest those ruffians.

Why don't you take
over here, Rosco.

- Alright, Daisy.
- Come on, y'all.

Sorry.

I gotta get this here bag here.

Yeah. It's going
somewhere alright.

Uncle Silas, do you approve?

I hope you do. And I hope
you survived that wreck.

Look at this place.

Boy, y'all missed a
heck of a wreck out there.

Right out there.
Y'all go take a look.

- Right out front.
- Yeah.

Boss turned over the $ ,
to Jesse to give to charity

just like Silas wanted.

And Boss with a little
prodding from Mr. Winkle

kept his word and added
a check for $ , more.

And all this started 'cause the
Dukes was determined to see

that a charity will
was properly done.

All they got out of it was
the General Lee repaired

from the moonshine
nutcracker wreck.

But then, that's what make
the Dukes kind of special, huh?