01x14 - Only the Lonely

[bunniefuu]

When we first moved to New York,

we had an apartment
that was dirt cheap.

And we found out
why it was so cheap.

Our friend Amy said

there was a great
apartment in her building.

Dirt cheap. But it's
a hotel for women.

Okay. We made one adjustment.

Now these other ladies know
us as Buffy and Hildegarde.

But they also know
us as Kip and Henry,

Buffy and Hildy's brothers.

I am, uh, crazy about
the blond. Heh-heh.

This experience is
gonna make a great book.

See? It's all perfectly normal.

♪ I'd like to be J. Paul Getty ♪

♪ That gig Has got potential ♪

♪ But the only thing
That's essential ♪

♪ Is having a friend Like you ♪

♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪

♪ Don't try To shake me ♪

♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪

♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪

♪ It ain't any use ♪

♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪

♪ You're stuck with me ♪

♪ I'm sticking around ♪

♪ Try to shake me loose ♪

♪ Oh, you can tell
me To go away ♪

♪ But it doesn't
matter What you say ♪

♪ It ain't any use ♪

♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪

You see this? This is this.

This is something
else. This is this.

From now on you're on your own.

I'm very tired.

I am very tired, and
I am sitting down.

I'd better stand up.

Oh. Ah.

I am raising my arm,

and I am seeing that it
is 6:30 in the morning.

I am seeing...

fields of wheat.

Autumn fields of wheat

in the golden sunshine
of the morning. Uh...

I see Paris, I see France,

I see Sheila's under...

I'm hallucinating,
I'm hallucinating.

I'm talking to myself,
I'm talking to myself.

Which is worse?

I need coffee!

I need joe.

I need java.

Just what the doctor ordered.

I like mine light, Mabel.

Okay.

This coffee's cold.

Henry... Who let
these bats in here?

Henry. Henry, wake
up. The coffee...

This is good. This is good.

Ruth, can we go home now?

I'm not Ruth. I'm... Kip.

Kip, that's right.

Henry, I think the
people of Praiser Brothers

are going to be
simply thrilled with this.

Manny and Steve, why? What? Who?

What are they
gonna be pleased...?

Your slogan:

"Use new improved Maxi Wax too,

the avocado-scented floor wax."

"It makes your kitchen
smell like California."

Yeah.

Ruth, I'm on the verge
of a mental breakdown.

I'm not strong.
I swear, I'm not.

Now, now, wait a moment.
We still have tons of material

that has to be proofed
before it can go out. No.

Ruth, don't make
us work anymore.

America can wait
another 48 hours

to hear about guacamole wax.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

All right then, we'll do
it at my house tonight.

I'll whip up a little something,

celebrate all the good
work we did. About 7:00?

All right?

Okay. Okay.

It's a date.

All right, I'll see you
tonight. Good work, boys.

I dreamed I was
in a kung fu movie.

Well, I couldn't just
leave them in the alley.

Why not? They're alley cats.

Sonny, they're just gonna
get us in trouble with Lilly.

Yeah, and I've had
Lilly trouble before.

Not a pretty story.

These kitties are
gonna have to go.

Okay, but you tell 'em.

Aww!

They can stay.

You're so easy.

Are you two just getting in?

Yes, I...

Sonny.

I... I... I don't think we've
ever had a rougher night.

What?

Hey, this is not what
it looks like, okay?

Buffy and I were out
all night rehearsing.

Yeah, sure. And this year
I'm gonna be Miss Sweden.

Now, come on.

What Buffy and
Hildegarde do with their lives

is their business.

Thank you, Sonny.

But I do notice that
both of your complexions

have cleared up.

I tought I taw a putty cat.

No, no,

these are just very,
very fuzzy donuts.

Mm, they're good, though.

You three don't move.

Are... Are you
ladies just getting in?

Yes, Lilly.

Uh, see, we were out rehearsing.

Rehearsing?

This is too much.

The little minds around here.

Well, I think it's time to
drag the projector out.

I hope it's not too late.

Have you seen the film,
It Started with Petting?

Read the book.

Hello.

Entrez, mes enfants. Entrez.

Ruth, you resemble a
shogun princess tonight.

Yes, if we're interrupting
any pillowing, we can leave.

Typically crude joke.

You are so adorable.

Get the door, would you, Kip?

Yo.

Uh, Ruth, obviously
you have other plans.

We can just look at the work,
and then we're out of here.

I have a little surprise
for you, my pets.

I've already
proofed all the work.

It was perfect.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, good, Ruth. Okay.

Thanks a lot. We'll see
you at the office on Monday.

No, no, no, no. Come,
come, come, come, come.

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Tonight is not for business.

Tonight is for pleasure. Ha-ha!

I'm so excited.

I haven't entertained
at home in so long.

I really don't know why.

I have this wonderful apartment.

I'm a simply fabulous hostess.

I even have convenient parking.

Oh, by the way, do you
boys need to be validated?

Not till we make a
minimum purchase.

No, Ruth, we took
the subway. Thanks.

All right. Well, you just sit
there and be comfortable.

Pour yourselves more wine.
I'm just gonna go get dinner.

Oh. I'm so glad you're here.

Don't touch anything.

What is wrong with this picture?

We're in it. Yes. Exactly.

I have a feeling we
will eat a sandwich,

we'll talk a little bit,

and we will be home
sooner than you can say,

"I have an incredible
headache. Good night, Ruth."

Voilà! Fondue!

Now, I have here

six entirely different
kinds of bread.

I have prepared
four different fondues,

including, Kip, for you, a
chocolate one for dessert.

Would you move that bowl?

I want you try this one first

because this is the
spécialité de la maison.

This is a special blend of
four imported goat cheeses.

Ruth, American
goats are out of work,

and you bought
imported goat cheese?

Next time look
for the union label.

Oh, don't mind us, Ruth.
This is just a banter we have.

A little back and forth.

Sort of a badinage we do.

Feel free to join in any time.

Any time at all.

If not, well, then on to
other conversation topics.

Okay, enough about us.

This is really a
wonderful place you...

A little life left in
that goat cheese.

Wow. This is embarrassing.

Yeah. We better go.

Yeah. Oh, now sit down.

For heaven's sakes.

What's a little cheese
on this $7,000 carpet?

Ha.

Hey, Ruth, you're really being
a sweetheart about all this

and, uh, well,

it's scaring the hell out of me.

For heaven's sakes, boys,

I don't want you
to fear me tonight.

Monday will be fine for that.

Tonight let's just cut loose.

Let's... Let's let
our hair down.

Let's just be ourselves.
Let's get to know each other.

Because tonight, my darlings...

the entire evening is ours.

I'm with you in Rockland

In my dreams you walk
dripping From a sea-journey

On the highway
across America In tears

To the door of my cottage

In the Western night.

"Howl" by Allen Ginsberg.

Oh.

Great poem.

It's a nice oral
interpretation, uh, Ruth.

Interesting declamatory style.

Can we have ice cream now?

I think it's time we did
something physical.

Oh, no.

Here it comes.

Harassment.

Right foot blue.

Right foot blue!

Ahh!

Left leg cracked.

This... This is
incredible fun here, Ruth.

Having the time of my life.

I don't know how
this could be better.

I just love this game!

And who do you think
this little beauty is in lace

sitting on that little pony?

Is it you, Ruth?

No, it's my brother, Lex.

Suffice it to say,

he led a rather
confused childhood.

He's sort of the pink
sheep of the family.

I simply adore him.

I'm exhausted.
How about you, Kip?

Well, this has been
one festive evening,

but, woo, am I bushed.

But you've only been
here an hour and a half.

We packed some extraordinary

living in that hour and a half.

Yeah, Ruth. The singing,
the games, the goat dip.

It was incredible.

I've got buckets
of champagne left.

You shouldn't drink and ride
the subway, you know that.

I've got good cigars.

You're a fabulous hostess.

We'll see you at the office
on Monday, okay? Bye-bye.

Well, I hope you come again.

Oh, Kevin? Ruth.

What are you doing
home on a Saturday night?

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this
the answering service?

Ah. Um, uh... No,
no. No message.

Uh, listen... did
anybody ever tell you

you've got a marvelous
telephone voice?

Well, you do.

Ah. What?

Oh. Oh, all your little
lights are lighting up.

Oh, I see.

Yes, well, we all
have our jobs to do.

Yes. Uh, all right. Good night.

It was nice ta...

Um. Shh... Oh.

Poor baby.

You miss your brothers
and sisters, don't you?

Oh, I know.

Once you suckle
together, it's hard to let go.

Let go. Let go.

Let go.

Thank you.

What happened with Ruth?

Portrait of Ruth Dunbar.

She came to the door
dressed in a geisha gown.

Then she served us a
melted cheese concoction

served only in the cuisine
known as the Twilight Zone.

I thought this thing was
gonna drag on all night.

She wouldn't let
us out of the place.

Well, maybe she doesn't
have many friends.

Maybe she went out of her way

to make a special
evening for you.

Nah!

Amy will back us up on this.

Tell her what Ruth is like.

I think Sonny's right.

What?! Aw, come on.

Why...? Why would Ruth
need the two of us for friends?

Who doesn't need friends?

You see what I mean, guys?

She was reaching out to you.

I hope you were
at least polite to her.

Oh. Of course we were polite.

Yeah, we're nice guys.

Yeah. I know how I would feel

if I thought someone
was making fun of me.

Now, we never made fun of her.

Yeah, we're nice guys.

'Cause if I went out of my way

to make a special
evening for somebody...

and they didn't appreciate it,

I'd be devastated.

Well, we certainly
appreciated it.

Yeah, we're nice guys.

Ah. I know you are.

And she'd be really lucky
to have friends like you.

We are nice guys.

How could we callously
ignore another human being

crying out for human contact?

Off-night?

Wha...? Oh. BOTH: Hi, Ruth.

Can we come in?

What are you doing here?

Thank you.

We brought pizza with anchovies.

If you don't like
anchovies, pick 'em off.

That's what I do. But
Kip, he loves anchovies.

I love anchovies.

Really? How do you
feel about fondue?

Okay, fire away.
We deserve that.

Ruth, if you want us to
leave, just say "leave."

Leave.

We're not going to!

What do you guys want from me?

Oh, a little... companionship.

A little conversation,
a little friendship.

About the same thing you
wanted from us, I guess.

Listen, I don't know
where you get the idea

that I'm begging
for your friendship.

Really. I have all
the friends I need.

Well, I don't. Do you?

No!

Want a little
brewski there, Ruth?

What is this? Domestic brewski?

Ah, I think you're
warming up to us.

Why should I do that?

We really have a perfect
working relationship.

I mean, it's excellent.

It simply doesn't
extend any farther.

Ruth, we're here to apologize
about last Saturday night.

Uh, were were insensitive
and... And cold and...

We wanna say we're sorry.

Sorry, Ruth.

Give her the present.

Oh, please.

Don't give me a present.

Come here. Here we are.

Oh. Oh!

Ohh!

Everybody always does that.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I think you better name it.

Aw.

I think I'll call her... Ruth.

Hello.

Ruth, don't you think you're...

You're just being
a tad self-involved?

Me? Self-involved?

Me? Me?

Me?

Well, maybe just
a little, Ruth. Uh...

Perhaps that is
one of the reasons

you have such
difficulty making friends.

I don't... I don't have
such difficulty making...

Well, I...

I mean, I have
a little difficulty.

Well, lately, it's... It's
been quite difficult.

Well, how did you two do it?

I mean, how did
you get so close?

Well, it wasn't difficult.

We wanted to use the
same tetherball court,

so we b*at each other up,

and have been best
friends ever since.

We could punch you out.

That's a very sweet
offer. Thank you.

No, it's just...

It's not easy being a
woman in business.

You really do have
to work harder.

And somewhere along the line

I think I... lost
the time and...

the talent for people.

I... I'd like that to
change. I mean, I...

I want friends again.

Well, that's the way to do it.

You just shared something
with us pretty personal.

If you ask me,

I'm liking you a
whole lot right now.

You are, are you?

Would a friend lie?

Oh, Ruth, my darling.

Here's a $7,000 playground.

Have a wonderful time.

Now, what I need to know is,

are there any
olives in that pizza?

Would we bring you a
pizza that had no olives?

For crying out loud.
We got this in a place...

If you don't like
the anchovies...

Hey, Red, where's
your nail clip...?

Uh, it's, uh, pink cabinet.
Top drawer on the left.

Right.

Uh, Raoul, uh, I
have a little company.

These, uh... These
are my friends.

This is Henry, and
this is my friend, Kip.

Hi, Raoul. Yo.

Hi.

Raoul is a...
different kind of friend.

Ah.

Grab a little gusto
there, Raoul?

No thanks, fellas.

Not that you haven't
already grabbed gusto

before the two of
us ever arrived at all.

I have an idea.

Uh, Ruth, I hope...

Hope we didn't make
Raoul uncomfortable.

I'll make it up to him.

So, uh, wha...? What
do you guys wanna do?

Well, let's sit around, talk,
get to know each other,

Okay. Just the three of us.

Fine with me. I haven't had
pizza in a hundred years.

Well, that was great.

I had a great time.

We'll be on our way.

Thanks very much for the brew.

Oh, no problem. Enjoy it.

Say, Ruth. Have
you ever seen the film

It Started with Petting?

I have the book, and I
think you should read it.

I will see you tomorrow. Joking.

Good night. Au revoir.

I'll see you in the morning.
And not a second before.

Don't be late.

Hi. What's on?

Ooh, this is my favorite
movie, Some Like it Hot.

I don't know. Course
it's a wonderful flick,

but it's kind of unbelievable.

Yeah. When you look closely at
Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis,

you can tell they're guys.

Oh, I don't know.

You girls might be surprised
at how easily you can be fooled.

Well, you all might be,

but I've been around
show business for 40 years.

I've seen more than
my share of he-shes.

Of course you have.

You know, I can
spot 'em a mile away.

Sure you can.

Well, I could buy it if
you see somebody once,

but to actually live with them
like they do in the movies,

you'd know they're men.

Uh-huh.

Hi, girls. GIRLS: Hi.

Oh, what's on?

Some Like it Hot.
Did you ever see it?

Oh. That movie.

Totally unbelievable premise.

I can't watch
this, Buff. Let's go.

Good people, terrible concept.

The guys are good. Yeah.

Nice girls.

Yeah, good ladies.

Real swell women.

You girls are so sharp.