06x14 - Back to Work

[bunniefuu]

What's the difference between
the secretary of commerce and
the secretary of labor?

One is in charge of all
all the things financial,
all the money stuff,

the other is uh
to all it's uh

You know, he's in-charge
of all work and labor.

Just say
you don't know.
Okay, I don't know.

♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart

♪ As much as you

♪ Let's take each other's hand

♪ As we jump into
the final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby

♪ Yeah! ♪

Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Okay. Taste this bread.

Mmm. Where did
you get that?

I just made it.

Come on.

I did! Seriously.

You know that big thing
Debbie and Joan gave us

That we use
to store the rice?

The rice holder?

Yeah. Turns out it's not
a rice holder-bread maker.

What did you do
with the rice?

For now, can we just
celebrate the bread?

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

It's the greatest thing,
this bread maker.

You put the guck
in the thing,

you turn it on, you go away,
you have a sandwich,

and an hour later, bread.

Then you can make
another sandwich.

Hey!
Hey. Okay.
Taste that.

It's good.

Huh?
Where did you get it?

I made it.
Come on.

I baked the bread.

Yeah, right.

I did!

So did you get
my message this morning?

No.
No.
I've been bakin'.

I haven't even
had ano-- What?

I have an advance copy
of the Baltimore Tribune
article on Buchman.

By that guy,
Ricky Wrongstag.

The Baltimore Tribune?

Yeah. We had to go miles

to find somebody who was
actually interested,
but, hey

Let me see!
How is it?
How is it?

He loves Buchman.
We're a hit.

JAMIE: wow!
That's so cool.
Let me see.

He said so many
nice things about
this movie.

Wow!
Let me see.
Oh, great.

You cannot put a price
on publicity like this.

Let me see the thing!

All right. Just remember,
it is an advance copy,

so they still have
to fix some stuff.

All right, all right.
Here we go.

"In Paul Buchman's
new documentary
about his family,

Entitled Feldman"

He'll fix! He'll fix!

"The story chronicles
his family's journey
to America

after fleeing
their native Cuba."

I don't understand.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

What? What? What?

Oh, no!
JAMIE: What?

"Paul's mother,
a lovely woman of "

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

No!
This is all so wrong!

It's wronger than wrong.
This is the wrongest
anything could

nobody's wronger
than Ricky Wrongstag.

He works in
the New York bureau.

You just go down
to his office

and give him
your corrections.

I spent so much time
talking to that guy!

What was it,
just a complete
waste of time?

No! He loves the movie!
Look! Read!

"Feldman
announces

Feldman! "Feldman
announces Buchman"

Okay "as one of
the truest voices

in documentary
film today"
There you go!

"He brilliantly captures
the hot Latin emotions
of his family".

What is wrong
with this guy?

"He brilliantly
captures," huh?

Look, honey, and
he mentions you.
Ooh, he does?

Yeah. "Mr. Buchman
resides in New York
with his wife Jamie,

a non-pro,
and his son Mabel."

Non-pro?

So what do you know?
I got a son named Mabel now.

He called me a non-pro?

Sweetie, that just
means at the moment
you're not working

I know what it means.
I'm not a non-pro.

Well, look at
the bright side.

You got that darned
Caster oil out of your hair.

Stop working
for seconds,

suddenly you're
a non-pro?

See, what that is,
that's a little

of that hot Latin emotions
our family has.

[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

How long have we
been together?

Don't ask me.
I'm a non-pro.

But, the point is,
a long time, right?

Uh-huh.
Yeah.

And in that time,

have I ever given you
the impression

by anything I've said
or anything I've done

that I am,
in any way, Cuban?

Non-pro?

Blech, blech, blech,
blech, blech.

What?

Restaurant bread.

Do you know
who that is?

That's James Carville
and Mary Matalin.

Our jewelers?

What?

No, no, no, no, no!
You know them!

The famous
"they're married,

but, they're on opposite sides
of the political" thing

You know them!

Don't know 'em.

Carville worked for Clinton.
Matalin worked for Bush.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!

So Carville may be
a little better
at his job than she is.

Is that what
you're saying?

No, no, no.
They're both great.

In fact, I met her
at a press junket once.

She's brilliant.

Excuse me. Do you have
any fresh bread?

No. That's as fresh
as we've got.

Okay. That's fine.
You know why?

I got my own bread.

So what's their story?
He's a big democrat,
she's a big republican?

Uh-huh.
And then
they got married?

Yeah, that's good,
'cause you don't want to

run out of things
to fight about.

Jamie?
Jamie Buchman?

Yeah?

Mary Matalin.

Right!

Right, right, right!

How are you?

How ya doin'?

This serpent-head's
my husband
James Carville.

Oh!

Don't call me that
in front of new people.

Yeah, like
they wouldn't
think it anyway.

All right, okay Hey!
What do you suppose
is for dessert, huh?

And this is
our associate
Henry Vincent.

Well, hi.
Pleasure to
meet you.

Jamie did
the Brockwell campaign.

Oh, someone actually
took that job, eh?

Hey, she made him
look pretty good.

Thank you.

So how's life
after Brockwell?

It's great.
That's my husband Paul,

And over there,
that's Mabel,
who's a joy.

Oh, she looks it.

So what brings
you guys to town?

Well, Carville and I
opened up an office here.

Call me James!

Would it k*ll you
to call me James?

Honey
You're whining

Like a little
girlie-man.

Ha ha! Okay. All right.
Happy are we, table of .

And Henry's
the guy we hired
to run the office.

What kind of stuff
would you be workin' on?

Well, here in
the New York office,

our business
is applying pressure.

We lean on
the corporations till
they do what we want.

Hey, Jamie,
you workin' now?

I'm not. I'm staying
home with Mabel.

Well,
if you ever decide
to go back to work,

we should talk.

Great. Sure.

Hey, you know
what you oughta do is,

you oughta come up
and see our offices.

I would love that.

We'll just
pop up sixth avenue,
then we'll cross over

Sixth,
at this hour?

What are you, nuts?

Are you tellin' me how
to get to my own office?

Nowsy-now. I'll tell ya,
these knuckleheads

HENRY: And this hotbed
of activity is what
we call the w*r room.

I love this place.

Well, great.
Maybe someday soon,
you'll have a home here.

Oh, sweetie,
what's the matter?
[MABEL CRYING]

What is it?

Is there someplace
I could change her?

Uh, well,
this one's empty.

Great. Thank you.

Don't make a mess,

'cause if ya come here,
this will be your office.

Okay. Paul,
could you help me
for a second, please?

What is Kenya?

Paul?

Sorry!

I'll get it.

Thank you.

Wow.
Look at this place.

I know.

Do you think
they were serious?

About?

About me coming
to work here?

Oh, of course
they were serious.

Did you hear
how many times
they asked you?

It was bordering
on the pushy.

Would you be okay with me
thinking about working?

Sure.

Really?
Absolutely.

Totally. In fact,
here's a deal.

You go to work.
I'll stay home.
I'll take care of Mabel.

Listen to you
a guy who bakes
one loaf of bread?

Ah!

Is this a little
john and Yoko fantasy
you're having?

No. I thought of this
all myself.

For your information,
I like taking care of her.

And two happen
to be very good at it

And three
I got nothin' to do.

Till my next
project comes along,
I'm not so much busy.

What if they don't
ask me again?

They're gonna ask you.

How do you know?
'Cause I know.

No.
You're wrong.
I'm not wrong.

I think you're wrong.

I'm not wrong.
All right.

So did I leave you alone
for long enough?

Are you interested
in a job here?

Maybe daddy's not
so wrong as mommy,
ultimately.

Okay. Just say,
"have a good day
at work, mama."

You remember my friend
Bubbles Cantwell?

Bubbles Cantwell with
the dog and the coat!

That's right.

She lives outside
Baltimore now,

and she promised
to fax me that article
when it came out.

You have a fax machine?
Since when?

Well, of course
we have a fax machine.
It's the nineties.

How many faxes
do you get?

Well, this will be
the first one.

Just say
just say, "mama."

Yeah, say, "mama."

Say, "mama's going to be
late for work

Unless someone helps her
find her glasses."

What do they look like?

They're little, round,
tortoise-shell

They're glasses!
Any kind of glasses!

Just say, "mama."

Or, just say
[MIMICKING]

Hey! Found the rice.

Oh, oh, oh. Leave it,
honey. I'll get it.

Found your glasses.

JAMIE:
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Thank you so much.

And you are gonna get
to spend all day today
with daddy and Nana,

you lucky girl, yes.

Oh, mommy's gonna
miss you so much.

Well, Mabel knew
that you would,

which is why
she made you this.

Oh, look at that!

Thank you so much!
Look at you!

A little talking
picture frame

so you can look
at Mabel all day,

And if you
press this button,
she'll talk.

Oh, honey,
I love it!

Okay. Well,
you come to me.

All right, I get Mabel.
You get this.

See? There's
a little picture,

And if you press
this button,

you can change
the message,
whatever you want.

I love the frame,
and I love you.

And I love you.

And I love you!

You'll be
late for work.

Okay.

You know, I am so anxious
to see that article.

Okay, ya see, the thing
with those articles, ma,

I gotta warn ya,
ya never know what
they're gonna print.

Oh, well, listen,
what's the worst thing
that he could write?

I can't even imagine.

Okay. I think
I'm ready to go.

All right, okay. Nothing
to get upset about.
Mommy's going to work.

I'm excited about this!
I think this is gonna
be great.

Yeah. Oh. Mabel just said,
"that's right, mommy, it is.
It's gonna be great."

Okay. You have
my number?
Yes, I do.

And my pager?
I-- yes.

And my cell phone.

Yes. Also,
I tagged your ear

So I can follow you
in a chopper.

All right. I love you,
Mabel, so much.

I'll be home very soon.

Okay. Mabel says,
"We'll call you."

Okay. Or, you'll
or, you'll page me.

Yes. "Or, fax you."

Okay, or, if you
need me, you know
you can call.

"Just go!"
All right.

[PHONE RINGING]

This is Jamie Buchman.

We are having
a fabulous day.

It's so weird
not being with her.

I know. How you doin'?

I'm good. Everybody's
being really nice.

How's it going there?

It's just goin' great.
You know what she did?

She found her toes.

Yeah. She does that.

Well, she's got 'em
in her mouth now.

She never did that.

Oh. You know what,
though?

It doesn't look like
they're comin' out
any time soon, so

You'll see it
when you get home.

Okay.
[MABLE TALKING]

You okay?

Yeah. I'm good.

I'm a modern woman,
striking as best I can

the delicate balance
that society demands
of me.

So you're doin'
pretty good, then, huh?

Yeah. Okay.

Kiss Mabel.

I will. Okay, bye.

Bye.

I just wanted
to say welcome,

and we're all so thrilled
to have you.

Thank you.
Hey, what's that?

It's a picture
of my daughter
that talks.

Oh, cool.

[BABY VOICES]

Oh, that's adorable!

So that button plays,
and what does this one

Careful 'cause
you might erase it!

Oh, crap.
I think I erased it.

I'm sorry.

Listen, not to worry.

Did I erase Mabel?

MARY: Oh, crap.
I think I erased it.

Oh! I feel terrible.

Truly, not to worry.
HENRY: Mary!
Phone call!

Will you excuse me?
Sure.

Oh, crap.
I think I erased it.

Oh, crap.
I think I erased it.

Hello.

I made a horrible mistake.

You did?

Yes. I never should
have taken this job.

I don't want it.
I want Mabel.

Oh, you know what?
All right, then here's
what ya do. Quit.

No, I can't quit.
I've got to get them
to fire me.

How do ya figure that?

Because if I quit,
I'm gonna look
like an idiot.

Sweetie, getting fired
is not exactly like
a feather in your cap.

Honey, please.
You just don't
understand business.

Just go back
to your bread, okay?

All right.

Listen to me. This is
what I want you to do.
Call me.

What?

Call me constantly.

A hundred times
between now and : o'clock.

On the cell phone,
on the pager.

Beep me, buzz me,
page me, fax me.

I gotta tell you,
I'm a little aroused
right now.

Eventually, they're
gonna realize that
I can't cut the cord.

They made a horrible
mistake in hiring me,

and they're gonna
have to let me go.

Sweetie, are you sure?Call me!

All right,
all right, all right!

Okay, wait,
wait, wait!

Wait. Hold the receiver
over the baby.

Okay. Hold on a second.

Ugh, she's got
her toes in her mouth.

Yeah. You know what?
Never mind.

Yeah, okay.

Ugh, she's got
her toes in her mouth.

All right.
Very good.

What's going on?

Nothin'. Hey, did you try
the pumpernickel bread?

Please,
no more bread!

JAMES: damn it, woman.
You turned the socks pink
in the laundry again.

MARY: I've never even
done your laundry.

JAMES: Well,
why the hell not?

Aren't they great?

Mm-hmm.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Oh. Whoops.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Okay. I'm calling you.

Awww. How is she?

Honey, I gotta say,
it's a little ridiculous.

No, no, no, sweetie.
The red booties.

Yeah, okay All right.
Here's a question for ya.

You know, I always wondered,

why would a person drive
the Chevy to the levee

if they know

They know full well
that the levee was dry?

Uh-huh.
I don't know.

Sweetie, the snuggly
snaps up in the back.

Also and I've always
wanted to know this

Do you really think that
bad, bad Leroy Brown

was, like, the baddest man
in the entire Chicago
metropolitan area?

Because that's a huge
statement to make.

Yes. Yes, it is.

The vitamins are
in the dropper.

It's drops,
then a kiss.

I gotta go back
to work, sweetie.

Okay. You know
what puzzles me?

If you're gonna
sh**t the sheriff,

why not take out
the deputy?

'Cause the deputy
saw the whole thing,
so you get 'em both.

Yeah. Good-bye.

I don't know why
you say good-bye.
'Cause I say hello.

Good-bye.

Hello, hello.

What was that?

Ah, nothing. Jamie's
just a little bored.

Listen, I gotta go
talk to this Nimrod
at the newspaper.

I want you
to do me a favor.

Call dad and have him
fax something to Jamie.

What?

You know, anything.
Like, a question
about Mabel.

And then you wait
a couple of minutes,

and then call her
yourself at the office.

And say what?

Just say
here. Say this.

I understand
why the big wheel
keeps on turning,

but, why and this is
the tricky part

Why would
the Proud Mary
keep on burnin'?

I gotta say,
it's very impressive,

the way you can--
[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Whoops. Sorry.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Hey, sexy.

It's Sylvia.

How long has it been
since I've had my arms
around you?

A long time.

Well, honey, we are
gonna change that.

I really should go.

All right.

Okay, you tiger.
I'll see ya tonight.

Okay. Bye.

Sorry.

When you're a little older,

you and I will sit down
and discuss your parents.

Mr. Wrongstag,
I want to thank you
for the kind words

you wrote about my film.

Ah, it's my pleasure.

Can't tell ya how much
I enjoyed Feldman.

Okay. Here is the thing.
It's not called Feldman.

It's actually called
Buchman.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Glad we found that out.

Yeah. Well,
I gotta tell ya,

we found quite a lot
of factual errors
in your article.

Oh, my goodness.
Really?

Yeah.
I mean, tons of them.

For starters,
I'm not Cuban.

Oh, my goodness.

Never been to Cuba.

Never been to Cuba?

Never been to Cuba.

Uh, also

My son Mabel? Actually
a beautiful little girl.

Uh, makes sense.

Yep. I've never fought
as a welterweight.

Sorry about that.

That can happen.
Sure enough.

And if you're gonna
get one thing right
in the article,

don't fool around
with my mother's age!

You know, she looks
terrific for .

You know why
that might be?

Just hypothesizing
maybe 'cause she's not!

She's not !

She's not ?
No! She's nowhere
near !

Well, then,
that would be a mistake.

Yes.

But, see,
here's my problem.

Uh, we got to press
in less than an hour.

And I couldn't possibly
correct this many mistakes,
even if I wanted to.

You can't?

No. I'm afraid we're gonna
have to live with this.

Okay Okay,
Mr. Wrongstag.

I understand.

Good.

Can I just
use your phone?

I'm just gonna
call my attorney.

Your attorney?

Dial ?

Uh...

Now, on those rare occasions
where twisting of arms
doesn't work,

we like to go
for a spot that we call
the corporate groin.

Ooh, yikes.

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Whoop. Excuse me.

Hello.

Yeah. Alan Dershowitz,
please.

Paul Buchman calling
they're gonna put me
right through.

Honey, no. She wants
her winky walrus.

She's not gonna be happy
with the pudgy poo.

Alan? Uh, listen

Do you have
the Wrongstag file
in front of you?

No. Gerard giraffe
is for and older.

Tell me again,

what was the punitive
damage figure
we were talking about?

Just no. Just round it
off to the nearest
hundred grand

♪ Winky, winky walrus,
winky, winky walrus

♪ Winky, winky,
winky, winky walrus

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

Hoo, hoo, hoo Baby.

JAMIE:
Okay. I love you.

I love you, too, Alan.

Sorry.

All right, now,
here again

Jamie, fax for you
from home.

Some guy named Pop Pop
wants to know Mabel's
hat size.

Sorry.

Hello.

Hi, sweetie. Listen,
Mabel's hat size
is a small.

It's you again.

What are you wearing?

I'm hanging up.

Take a shower.
I'm coming home at : .

I'm sorry for everything
I ever did wrong to you!

Mwah, mwah,
mwah, mwah, mwah.

Stop calling me!

So sorry.
You must be totally
out of patience with me

and thinking you've made
a terrible mistake.

Oh, on the contrary,

I admire very much
the way you're
juggling everything.

Yeah. You're quite
an inspiration.

Oh, great.

Whoops. Spilled coffee
on my proposal for work.

This won't impress
general motors at all.

Uh-oh, honey.

The pie chart.
What a shame.

And...

Hey, I accidentally
erased it off
the hard drive, too.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

What are you doing?

These people are gonna fire me
if it's the last thing I do.

Jeez. I really hope
Mabel gets your wonderful
business sense.

Hi.
Hi.

How are you?

Good.
How are you?
Good.

Hey, Sylvia.

Hello.

Oh, hey.
Is that the article?

Yeah.
Let me see.
Let me see.

Ricky Wrongstag
really loved the movie.
Oh, good.

I mean, of course he made
a couple of little
factual errors.

Oh, I knew it!

And he promised me

he was gonna watch
the film again.

The important thing,
Paulie,

is to see the forest
for the trees.

Let me see. Let me see
the thing, please.

"Paul Buchman's new movie
Buchman"

Already better.

"Chronicles
his family's founding

of the Chinese
communist party."

"Raised on a rice farm
in the hunan province,"
apparently,

"Talk of revolution
first began when Paul
was a small boy."

JAMIE: My god!

Unbelievable,
"he was initiated
by his mother Sylvia,

who eventually wrote
the party's manifesto."

Sylvia, I had no idea.

"Sylvia is
a coquettish woman of,
perhaps, years old."

All right. So it's
not a total loss.

Taste this bread.

Where'd you get it?

I made it!
Come on!

No, seriously.

You know that big thing
Joan and Debbie gave us

that we use
to store rice in?

The rice holder?

Well, actually,
what I'm saying is,

it's a bread machine.

What did you do
with the rice?

Honey, for now, let's just
celebrate the bread.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

It's the greatest,
this bread machine.

You just put the guck in,
turn it on,

and go make yourself
a sandwich or, something.

An hour later, bread.

Then you make yourself
another sandwich.

Where are the regular guys?

Taste this bread.

Where'd you get it?

I made it!
Come on!

No, seriously.

You know that big thing
Joan and Debbie gave us

that we use
to store rice in?

The rice holder?

Well, actually,
what I'm saying is,

it's a bread machine.

What did you do
with the rice?

Honey, for now, let's just
celebrate the bread.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

It's the greatest,
this bread machine.

You just put the guck in,
turn it on,

and go make yourself
a sandwich or, something.

An hour later, bread.

Then you make yourself
another sandwich.

Where are
the regular guys?