02x09 - There's Always a Catch

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The A-Team". Aired: January 23, 1983 – March 8, 1987.*
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Four former members of a fictitious United States Army Special Forces team were tried by court martial for a crime they had not committed.
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02x09 - There's Always a Catch

Post by bunniefuu »

In 1972, a cr*ck commando unit
was sent to prison by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped
from a maximum security stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted by the government,
they survive as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Okay, Shana, shut her down.

I'll get the camera and the charts.

Move it. I want to make the Maritime
Office and the Fish and Game by 5:00.

Those pictures we took of Garber...

catching lobster
outside the restricted area...

- Should open somebody's eyes.
- Yeah.

Dad.

Garber, you're on my dock.
It's private property. Get off!

I don't like it when people
try to sabotage my boats, Mayer.

Sabotage? We didn't come within 500 yards.

We took pictures,
we checked the lobster beds underneath.

Now, we've been watching you.

We have evidence to prove
you're destroying the future of this bay.

But we wouldn't touch your boats.

When we stop you, Garber,
we're gonna do it legal.

You got a big mouth, kid.

But I'll give you a break.

I'll let you stay in business,
provided you accept my deal.

Give you half of the profits from our catch
like everyone else around here?

Pay protection?

Listen, Garber, we work hard for our money,
so why don't you take a walk?

No!

Dad.

Your dad and your brother
are stupid men, Shana.

Now, you better talk some sense into them...

before somebody finds them washed up
on one of these beaches down here.

I run this town.

The sooner they accept that,
the longer they're gonna live.

Why don't we...

see if we can help these folks out
with their boat, boys.

See it's running all right. Okay?

Hey, be careful with my foot.
It ain't no packing crate.

Don't you just love it?

We have six near misses
with Col. Decker...

avoid half his platoon
back there on that bridge...

and then you go and step on a rusty nail.

Some guys got all the luck.

That nail sure didn't.
He was screaming in pain under your foot.

All scrunched up on that board like that.

Poor little fellow probably had a family
and everything.

Don't worry, B.A.,
we'll take care of everything.

We'll get you a tetanus sh*t and leave
before Decker knows where we are.

Face, handle the red tape.
I want to stick out here.

- My pleasure.
- That's easy for you to say.

Murdock, why are you eating
a sandwich that's frozen?

I have to. I'm allergic to microwaves.

It releases space hamsters
into my blood stream.

Have you gotten any word
on my father and brother yet?

Excuse me. How's our friend doing?
Cheery fellow with the cut foot.

I'm afraid that your father's
in critical condition.

The doctor's gonna suggest
that we move him...

to Los Angeles Memorial Hospital.

He'll get better treatment there.
We don't have the equipment here.

Los Angeles?

With all his internal injuries,
he'll have a better chance there.

We'll be releasing your brother
in just a little while.

He's pretty banged up,
but he's gonna be all right.

Thanks.

What'd you say
your friend's name was again, please?

Lothar Quint. With a "Q."

You've probably seen him
on daytime soap operas.

Had a big guest role
on Search for Tomorrow.

Played a pro quarterback
who turned psychic.

Yeah, he was just marvellous.

Lothar?

Cool it, g*ng. The sheriff just pulled up.

What's going on? Somebody get hurt?

Yeah, Garber and his animals
came out to our boat and tore it all up.

b*at up my dad real bad. Doug, too.

You sure your dad didn't push him to it?

Cal can be awful hard to take.

Your whole family's been stirring things up
around here for some time.

Should have known better
than to come to you for help.

You're afraid of Garber.

But even more, you're afraid
that he's gonna take away all that money...

he's waving in front of your face.

Give my best to Doug and Cal.

Nice quiet little seaside town, huh?

Hey, B.A., how you feeling, guy?
Lockjaw set in yet?

Get out of here, sucker!
At least I don't have lock-brain!

And don't forget, I still got two feet,
so kicking you ain't gonna be no problem.

Could I help you, ma'am?

I guess this just isn't my day.

You know, we couldn't help but overhear,
and if you...

feel like blowing off a little steam...

we'd be glad to listen.

Leader to Hook. Come in, Colonel.

This is Decker. Over.

No dice at Seaside Memorial
or Coastline Hospital, sir.

That means they got to be
at Lobster Bay Hospital.

It's the only other one in the area.

And that blood we found
didn't come from their flat tyre.

Rendezvous there, ASAP.

You obey the speed signs, Captain,
and I'll bust you down to your socks.

We're moving out now.

Let's hit it.

Yeah. And as soon as Garber's done
ripping off this place...

he'll just slither up the coast
in his fancy boats...

and wreck someplace else
where people have fished for a generation.

All he cares about is profits.

And once he's wiped out the lobster beds...

there's no way they'll be able
to replenish themselves, right?

That's right.

But I thought nature
always replenished itself.

It does. I mean, look at me.
A few years ago, I was a basket case.

It depends on how much
you take from nature, Amy.

And how much you leave behind.

Garber isn't gonna leave anything.

If it was just he and his men
there couldn't be too much damage.

Yeah, but he makes the fishermen
give him half their profits.

So they have to fish twice as much
just to stay alive.

Straight extortion.

If the working people don't pay Garber,
he breaks their arms.

I wouldn't be surprised if next time
he tries to k*ll us.

I'm not so sure
he hasn't already k*lled our father.

Maybe he's gonna b*at us this time after all.

I don't know.

I think you need some help.

Are you volunteering?

Yes, ma'am.

You're serious.

Yes, sir.

I'm really glad we're here.

That lady just walked into
a whole lot of help.

Except for old Mr. Unipod, here.

Speaking of walked into. Decker!

There they are.

We're joining
the medical profession.

All right. I want a clean sweep.

All of them.

You two, around the back. Let's go, men.

You two, take that hall. Go.

Perfect.

What the hell is this?
This is a sterile operating room! Out!

Not here.

Are you people insane?
We're supposed to operate here!

Will someone kindly tell me
what this is all about?

Give it to me straight, Doc.
Will I ever play the violin again?

Be careful, sucker.
This ain't no funny car race.

Leave the driving to us.

They're getting away!

Hannibal's on the serious jazz.

Well, maybe we'll get lucky and one day
modern medicine will find a cure.

Murdock, this looks crazy even for you.

B.A., it's just animal vibe therapy.

I do it all the time back at the V.A. to relax.

Thermador here is helping me to cool out!

Have you been doing this all your life?

Yeah, we started helping Dad...

as soon as we were old enough
to wrestle a lobster from a trap.

How is your father?

I don't know.
Shana's with him at a hospital in L.A.

Said she'd call if she found out anything.

I can't figure out why
some of the people around here...

don't help you take
the bend out of Garber's hook a little.

- Stand up to him.
- They're scared.

Anybody who's tried to fight him
got hurt bad and gave up.

And those who went along with him...

they stayed in business,
but they had to give him a cut.

Half the profits. Pretty deep cut.

Yeah.

How do you deal with a man like this?

I mean, my father's in the hospital,
hanging on by a thread.

I want to stop Garber...

but I don't want to lose my family
in the process.

We're sorry about your father.

We can't do anything about that.

But we can do the next best thing.

And we'll do it to Garber.

Thanks, but I couldn't ask you to do that.
It's too risky.

You don't have to ask us.
Guys like Garber attract us.

Hannibal...

little Thermador here wants to know
what are we gonna do?

I think it's time for Mr. Garber to learn
a lesson in the survival of the toughest.

B.A., what do the repairs
on this boat look like?

It won't be easy, man.
I checked the engine. It looked pretty bad.

Doug, is there a marine supply house
around here?

Hagopian's Boat Yard's
half a mile down by the wharf.

But he won't sell us anything.
He's in Garber's back pocket.

Pockets are made to be reached into.

Let's go, g*ng.

Cutter, shut up!

It's all right, fellows.
It's gonna be no problem at all.

I'm vibing even as I speak.

Bad vibes. That's very bad vibes.

Nice dog. What breed is he, piranha?

Say, Mr. Hagopian...

we need some fibreglass for a busted hull...

resin, brushes, instruments, engine parts,
that's for an inboard, not an outboard...

fuel tanks, fuel line. It's all on this list.

Look, pal, this is a real small town.

Only one boat around here
needs the kind of stuff you're talking about.

And the fellow I work for says
that boat stays just the way it is.

So it looks like I'm all out of everything.

Hey, jack, I see the stuff we need
right over there.

- And you're saying it's gone?
- I'm saying I sell to who I want to.

Now, you better get off my property
before I turn Cutter loose on you.

You should learn to use your anger
more constructively.

You ever try meditating?

Hey, Hannibal,
I think we ought to bust this guy's rudder.

Easy, B.A.

I'm sure Mr. Hagopian's just a little cranky...

because he got tired
polishing all these nifty boats.

I'm sure he'll give us just what we want
at the price we want.

You're never gonna pull this off.

I don't mean to be a know-it-all,
but we already have.

Fill it!

I'll go see what I got back here.

You know, of course,
he'll go inside and call Garber.

I certainly hope so.

I hate to go looking for a sleaze like that
when we can have him delivered to us.

Anybody we know, Thermy?

You wouldn't be a suckfish named Garber,
would you?

Now, what would you boys be wanting
with all this equipment?

There's a message in that for you.
Your little protection racket is over.

And if you lean on the Mayers once more...

you're gonna be shopping
for some new kneecaps.

Face, read this guy what he owes up to date.

My pleasure.

For extorted profits from fishermen,
damaged properties, and for duress...

we figure you owe
the people of Lobster Bay $300,000.

That's a tentative figure, of course.
Probably a lot larger.

You people are real funny.

We supposed to be scared of you guys?

That's up to you.

We'd like it if you and your sisters
would grow some brains...

and get out of town.

For good.

I suppose you want your answer now.

Well, you got it.

You're gonna be sorry you did that!

Murdock, you fool!

You've been warned, Garber.

Let's go.

Look what they did to Thermy, Hannibal.

- Maybe I could put some water on him and...
- No.

But his spirit lives, Captain.

Thermy will get another chance, Murdock.

Garber isn't half done, if I read him right.

Yeah?

- Miss Mayer?
- Yes.

I'm Col. Decker, m*llitary Police.

This is Capt. Crane.

Howdy. You guys recruiting?

Sorry to trouble you,
but we have information...

that you were seen
at the emergency hospital yesterday...

talking to people
that Col. Decker's looking for.

They're escaped m*llitary prisoners.
Extremely dangerous.

Who? Those folks just passing through?

We barely spoke.

And if you're asking if I know
where they might be, I have no idea.

Ma'am, I'm not calling you a liar...

but regulations require
that we check the premises of any person...

who's reported to have been seen
with these individuals.

How do we know they're not holding
a g*n on you right now?

You got a search warrant?

Son, when you can get a warrant
as quick as I can, you don't need one.

Now, you want to step aside?

This'll only take a minute.

One van, well hidden, hold the mayo.

The Army was here looking for you.

Don't tell me Col. Decker came by here?

You didn't say the Army was after you.
What did you do?

That's a long story.

B.A., you better keep a lookout.

All I can say is we're right, they're wrong
and hope you believe us.

They forced their way inside,
checked the house from top to bottom.

They're awful anxious to get you.

- Getting a little cosy.
- Yeah.

We'll speed it up.
Take care of Garber and get out of town.

Don't know how you can do that.

Garber has so many of the local fishermen
under his thumb...

that they're out 24 hours a day
depleting the beds.

Maybe it's just not realistic
that you can take care of Garber...

and get away from this Col. Decker
at the same time.

We enjoy a challenge.

We need a couple of hours.
We'll have this onion peeled.

Let's get going.

In the meantime, Face,
you might renew your acquaintance...

with your old friend, Magnificent Templeton.

Hi.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am The Magnificent
Templeton. Prestidigitator extraordinaire.

- Magnificent Templeton?
- Oui.

A magician?

I prefer to think of myself more
as a man possessed of the fantastic powers.

You have perhaps seen me
on the American TV program, Merv Griffin?

No?

A sense of humour. I like this. Voilà.

Wowee!

- That is...
- Yeah.

Maybe I have seen you on TV.

But of course. Now, to business.

You are Freddy, oui?

No. Freddy's is up the street.
But he's on vacation.

Anyway, that's Freddy's Scuba.
This is Betty's Scuba.

Wrong shop.

Betty, Freddy.
It's a very similar sound, is it not?

Betty, Freddy, Freddy, Betty, Betty, Freddy.

What kind of an accent is that?

Because I've never exactly heard one
just like that before.

Where are you from?

I'll bet you're from Switzerland
or somewhere like that, right?

Not Switzerland.

Look, you seem like a nice girl, Betty.

I can't just stand here
and lie to you like this.

Fact is, I only do the accent
to make my manager happy.

You know, he swears
that if I don't do the accent all the time...

The Magnificent Templeton
will lose credibility, see.

Well, it's amazing the way you do it.
I was fooled. Really!

Well, Betty, it's all part
of the game of magic.

Fantasy is my middle name.

Anyway, getting back to magic.

If Freddy is out of town,
I definitely have a problem.

Is there anything I could do?

No. I don't want to trouble you.

You see, it's just that I've got to do
this benefit show up north...

I was robbed this morning at my motel,
at gunpoint.

- They even took my air tanks.
- Air tanks?

That's for the t*nk of Doom illusion.

- t*nk of Doom?
- It's unbelievable.

I've got this large water t*nk that's divided
into two chambers by a glass partition.

Now, on one side, all bound up and tied...

- You?
- Moi.

And on the other side is a shark.

- A great white.
- You got it.

There's an hourglass timer full of sand, see.

And when the sand runs out,
that releases a lever that raises the partition.

- What if you're not out of there?
- Jaws 4.

No, but without the air tanks, see,
I can't even attempt it.

And now that Freddy's out of town...

He'll be gone for a month, at least.

- When did you need the tanks?
- Tonight.

It's for a TV special.

It's being picked up by satellite,
shown all over the world.

All the networks are bidding for it.

It's gonna be shown in London, France,
Paris, Uruguay...

Well, you have to have air tanks.

Betty, no, no.

You're suggesting that you loan me...
No, no.

- We hardly know each other.
- Well...

Sure. I mean,
I don't want to see you get eaten up.

Betty, you are wonderful.

The whole thing will be
in the can by tonight.

I'll bring the stuff back...

and you and I will go out
and find ourselves a little maison...

let the wine flow, the candles flicker.

I'll start filling the tanks.

Boy, I sure am glad I met you.

Me, too.

Oh, come on.

Hi, there.

Boy, is it stuffy in here.
By the way, these are very good.

I loved the Danish, but you know,
they could use just a pinch more cinnamon.

All right, Hannibal.

Here's your aquaman
costume, right down to the flippers.

Now, what do you expect to do with it?

What do you mean, me?

Come on, I got the stuff.
Let somebody else get wet in it.

It's time for you and Murdock
to explore the murky depths.

Hannibal, you know I have a sinus problem.

I go down there, I'm clog-city for weeks.
I'll sound like a bus.

Come on, Face. We could have lots of fun.
I mean, fish are tons of fun.

Lots of them have a great sense of humor.
Some watch TV and everything.

The two of you could really have a ball.

- I didn't know you were a diver, Face.
- I'm not.

Hannibal and B.A. are the guys
with the experience below the water line...

mining bridges in Nam.
Hannibal, why don't you do it?

You know he's got a point there, Hannibal.

B.A.'s got an excuse because of his foot,
but what about you?

Well, it's simple. I'm the planner.
I plan better in dry air.

Besides, B.A. and I have been working out.

You two look a little flabby.

Flabby?

Just exactly what are we supposedto
do down there, Hannibal...

other than not drink the water?

Make it hot for Garber.
Come on, we got work to do.

- Give me a hand.
- Okay.

Watch out for that hose.

All things considered,
I'd like to do this in the Bahamas next time.

You know, Hannibal,
going back down there again...

I almost had the feeling
that Therm was there with me.

He is, fool. You got the claw in your pocket.

Now, did you get the charges set?

Ready to go boom.

Do it.

Okay, yank them. Man wants to get in quick.

Hannibal, may I? For the Therm?

Let's get to the boat, B.A.

What's going on out here?

Someone's been messing with our traps.

Found a bottle in that one over there.

That's cute.

"Lobster are red, water is blue.

"Put up your hands and look behind you."

- Right.
- Up in the air!

We're gonna balance some scales
around here, Garber.

You know what piracy is, mister?

Yeah. I know what extortion
and a protection racket is, too, pal.

We're just here to make a little point.

We want you to know what it feels like
to get your toes stepped on.

When we were down there
setting the expl*sives...

we took some pictures of the undersized,
illegal lobsters you catch.

A friend of ours writes
for a syndicate of 80 newspapers.

She'll love a story like this.

I figure in a couple of days
the whole country will know about you.

- Well, you ain't gonna get away with this.
- Funny.

Every time somebody says that to me...

they wind up eating those words
on sourdough.

Not this time, Smith!

Check the boat.

Nobody's in the boat.

Nobody's in the boat, sir.

You gotta watch that guy, Decker.

Tie them up and shut them up!

All right, let's go. Move it!

Head for that shed.

Well, you really know
how to do things right, Colonel.

A baby-blue shed. What do you say, Face?

Yeah, West Point, all the way.

Nothing's too good for you.

And don't worry.
I've sent for m*llitary transport.

It'll be here in an hour.

By tomorrow morning you'll be eating
breakfast with 500 guys just like you.

There is nobody just like us.

You really think you're gonna put us away,
don't you?

Yeah, and I back up what I think.

I hope you haven't got
any money bet on that, pal.

Hope you enjoy
your little stay in the slammer.

Cut it, Garber!

If you hadn't cooperated with me...

I'd turn you over to the police, the FBI,
anybody who'd have you.

We sure get holy
after we get what we want, don't we?

I never do agree with Col. Smith...

but your little protection scam cuts about
as much ice with me as it does with him.

Now pull up your last load of traps
and get out of this town before I run you in.

Garber hates Decker, Decker hates Garber.
Perfect.

Well, you just listen to this.

I get washed out of this thing,
I ain't going alone.

I'll take a big chunk of your friends with me.

Bet on it.

Go on, inside.

Watch it, sucker! I got a bad foot.

You shove me again
and I'll wrap that g*n around your face.

Hey, Hannibal, if you ever had a plan,
we're gonna need one now.

The truck gets here within an hour.

I've got a plan,
but it's for Garber and Decker.

I'm not worried about us...

but Garber would k*ll Doug and Shana
in a minute.

Nobody's gonna k*ll us.

Well, there's nothing we can do
about it now.

- Unless...
- Unless?

You mean Murdock?

Well, I guess what they say is true.
America is running out of heroes.

Murdock will pop up somewhere.

Amy!

Murdock, what happened?

We're in big trouble. Big trouble.

The unit was captured by Decker.

There was an ambush on Garber's boat.

So what're we gonna do?

Don't worry. I thought about something
while swimming in.

The water sort of clears the brain.

Is there anything we can do to help?

I don't want you getting in trouble over us.

- It's getting bigger.
- What's your idea?

I figure that Decker is a creature of habit.

And he would never come down after us
with heavy wheels weighing him down.

So he's gonna have to reach out
and grab Uncle Sam...

and get a transport down here.

The closest base from here is Fort Newton.
That's about 100 miles north.

Okay.

That means he's gonna have to head down
the highway south, straight through town.

Amy...

I'm gonna make you feel real wanted.
You know what I mean?

Real wanted.

Hold it, mister!

Mind your own business, doughboy!

We're breaking up and she won't give me
my letterman jacket back.

Why don't you lose that cap p*stol
and take a lap?

Yeah. You leave my boyfriend alone.

I knew you couldn't take it
without me, baby.

Turn around.

March.

All ready to go, Mr. Garber.

We shove out of town anytime you want.

We ain't leaving town yet, Lennox.

I want to pay my respects to the Mayers.

You know, we've been here almost an hour.

Don't tell me what time it is!

Tell me what a great plan
you just thought of.

You still think Amy and Murdock
are gonna get us out of here?

- Bet on it.
- Yeah. I got no choice.

Here it comes.

Get them out, Captain,
and keep them under heavy guard.

Incidentally, I did a little figuring.

Our odds are about 20-to-1, give or take.
Thought you'd like to know.

- Thanks, Murdock.
- You better put it on.

This bag of chips could get pretty hairy.
Okay?

Two, three, one.

Uh-oh.

- Still think we're gonna get rescued?
- Why not?

I want to hear the g*ns
hit the deck, gentlemen.

You're gritting your teeth, Decker.

Go on, inside! Move!

You're wasting the best years of your life...

trying to catch people
you're never gonna catch.

Let me give you some advice.

Go back to your hometown.
Open up an Army-Navy store.

You're a born clerk.

B.A.

All right. Let's go.

Garber's leaving town,
but he'll go after Doug and Shana first.

They're on their boat.

Then that's where it'll happen.

What's this?

Your family's caused me
an awful lot of trouble.

Enough to k*ll us over?

How's your daddy?

Break it up!

First we're gonna bust up the boat.

Then we're gonna take care of you.

- You've lost, Garber.
- Yeah?

- Where did you hear that fairy tale at?
- From me.

It's called
The Three Little Pigs Named Garber.

I thought you'd enjoy the same surprise
you had for us.

Yeah. One good turn deserves another.

Face, I'm out of a*mo. Cover me.

Hold it right there, Popeye.
Dropamente.

Come on!

That's for my foot, sucker!

You've got two choices.

Either you get out of town
and never come back...

or we'll tow you so far out to sea,
the next thing you'll see is Australia.

You know what'll happen then?
Your mail will start stacking up, forever.

You guys don't have any authority over me.

I know you're a bunch of criminals
on the run from the Army.

You can't thr*aten me.

What do you call this?

It's okay, B.A.

I kind of hoped he'd say that.

Here, Doug, keep that on him...

till Decker gets here.

Of course, we'll have to duck out
so as to miss him...

but he'll be thrilled to see
you haven't left town.

He gets his jollies sticking people
in boxes the size of coffee cups.

You ought to fit just fine.

We tend to frustrate him.
He'll take it out on you.

Decker finally
catches somebody...

Garber.

I love it when a plan comes together.

You should have seen the look
on Garber's face...

when the Army showed up
and hauled him off.

I'd like to see the look on Decker's face.
He didn't catch what he was fishing for.

We're real glad about that, too.

You guys have been real good to us,
criminals or not.

- I'm glad your father's all right.
- Are you kidding?

When I called to tell him
Garber was through...

he started making plans to jog home.

Sounds like a man on the road to health.

Yeah, he's just sorry he didn't get a chance
to meet you all.

Well, you never know.
We do travel a great deal.

I don't know about you guys...

but I was thinking of swimming
right on up the coast someday...

and then surfing right on in and saying hey.

Shut up, fool. You ain't no fish.

Oh, yeah? I can pucker up like one.

Besides, I like them fish vibes.

I tell you, they got something
real peaceful going on down there.

Right, Therm, my man?

Listen, Murdock, I'm sick and tired
of your dead lobster and your dumb vibes.

Cut it out, B.A.

Just because Therm has been reduced
to a claw, don't mean he ain't got no vibes.

He's just keeping them on low beam...

so he don't end up in a bisque somewhere...

in some sleazy restaurant.

You don't hear no vibes.

You hear nothing but your pea brain
rolling around in your head.

Come on, give the man a break.

Not this time.
Gotta teach this sucker a lesson.

Now, B.A., let's be rational.
We must behave like grown men.

Like civilized adults.

The man said, "Give the man a break,"
so give me a break!

How about I give you a ride?

You want to be like the fish so much,
why don't you join them?

He did it! I don't believe he did it!

- Now, vibe on that, sucker!
- Vibe on that?
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