02x10 - Water, Water Everywhere

[bunniefuu]

In 1972, a cr*ck commando unit
was sent to prison by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped
from a maximum-security stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted by the government,
they survive as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.

- Hi, Amanda.
- Hi, Les.

- How're you guys making out?
- Slow, but steady.

- Les.
- I see him.

Stay here.

- We're about to have a visitor.
- Let me guess who.

- Our old buddy Frank Gaines.
- You got it.

Well, hello, boys.

This place's really coming along.
Looking real fine.

It's amazing what you can do
with a little wallpaper and moldings.

Something we can do for you, Mr. Gaines?
Our opening's still a couple of weeks off.

I imagine it might be a little longer
than that, what with the water shortage.

What will you do? Bus your dinner guests
to Barstow with the dishes...

- so they can get washed?
- Thanks for your concern.

It's our problem. We're working on it.

I admit, what you boys lack in brains,
you sure do make up for in determination.

- We'll accept that as a compliment.
- Here's something else you ought to accept.

Look it over.
Call me, soon as you can.

I've sweetened the offer
to compensate you for the work...

you put in here since we talked last.

Our property wasn't for sale then,
and it's not for sale now.

When you been in business
little longer...

you will learn there is no such thing
as "not for sale."

There's no sense in us wasting time talking
about something we've already said no to.

- How many times?
- I lost count.

"No" means the same thing
in over three-quarters of the civilized world.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why you
have such a terrible time getting a grip on it.

What I can't get a grip
on is taking no for an answer.

Now, you read my lips.

I do not live in a civilized world.

You wouldn't be trying to scare us,
would you?

We all got PhDs in scared.

- We've been scared by experts.
- Read that contract over.

Call me soon, say, tomorrow?

Gaines, you're not gonna hear from us
tomorrow, next week, or next year.

We're just not interested in selling.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we got work to do.

I'm getting that feeling.

The one I got when we were about
to play squat tag in a claymore patch.

Come on, what's he gonna do? k*ll us?

He'll probably try.

They didn't budge.

- You read me, Harry?
- 10-4, Mr. Gaines.

I just lost all my patience.

You come here
and take care of this, will you?

We'll do our best, sir.

He's really upped the offer, all right.

Now it almost qualifies
as legitimate low-ball.

Maybe if we play our cards just right,
he'll make us an offer we can't refuse.

Hey, just kidding.

Howdy, fellas.

What can we do for you?

Mr. Gaines is worried about you,
handicapped, living in this wreck of a place.

So he sent us over
to help you move out.

Before it falls in on you.

We appreciate his concern, but you can tell
Mr. Gaines that these "handicapped"...

are getting along just fine.

This place is really a mess.

Place looks unsafe, too.
You take that staircase.

Looks kind of rickety to me.

What do you think, Jayce?
Don't that look like a safety hazard to you?

Stop it! Just leave him alone.

Tell him, honey.
He's the one who wants a fight.

You gonna have to go back
to the V.A. for repairs.

Just show some brains,
and don't come back...

or we'll bust everything else on you
so that nothing works.

Murdock, you don't understand.
The man owns half of Sobaco County.

That includes a bank, a savings and loan...

and most of the local politicians,
including the sheriff.

Especially him.

So you're outgunned, you're outmanned,
you're outfinanced.

That's perfect! My friends're gonna love it.

It's their forte. It's their long suit.
It's their bag.

How do you feel?
When I say I'm right, I'm right.

Are you sure your friends
are from the real world, Murdock?

They from the part of your brain where
the imaginary guys in your belt came from?

Imaginary. Stay cool.
He meant no disrespect.

You think the wee folk
are imaginary.

Where does that leave elves and gremlins,
not to mention doppelgängers?

Face it, Murdock.
They won't let you out of this place.

So, big deal.

Look, what they allow and what I do
are two separate zip codes, buddy.

What do you say?
You gonna let me contact my friends or not?

Murdock, we appreciate your offer.
We really do.

We know you believe you can help us.
But it's our problem...

and we should work it out.

This may be a fight that can't be won.

I wonder what would've happened...

if Moshe Dayan had figured
that six days was too long...

to b*at an army five times as big as his.

No offense, but I don't remember
anyone asking you for your opinion.

The man's offering you help.

Are you too stubborn to take it
or too proud?

Look, if we honestly thought the guy
could help us out...

we'd take him up on his offer.

But a guy that carries wee people
around in his belt lacks a little credibility.

So it looks like he's running
a couple of quarts low.

The worst that can happen is you say:

"What have we got to lose?"

Come on, guys,
say the word, I'll be a matchmaker.

I'm a great matchmaker.

I haven't had one single complaint
from Lady Di about Prince Charlie.

And my work is guaranteed.
Let me set it up, please?

Just who are these friends
of yours, anyway?

- It's the A-Team.
- The A-Team?

- They're terrific.
- You know them, too?

You bet. When are you guys getting out
of this V.A. hospital?

My arm will be better in a couple of days.

And we could be back in Deadman
by the end of the week. Why?

Cause that's exactly when we planned
to be there, right, Colonel?

- Are those MPs there?
- It's clear.

Works for me. How about you guys?

The title company records show...

Gaines Development Company
owns 25,000 acres of land...

immediately surrounding the town...

and a total of 50,000 acres
of Sobaco County.

Fifty thousand acres he can't develop
because he hasn't got any water.

But there was a geologist's survey
that shows large artesian wells...

and the only way they can get to the wells...

is through the property
owned by our clients.

I thought the water was so scarce
it was hauled into town every week by truck.

They have no money to drill for it. Their
credit's no good. Gaines has seen to that.

Why don't they sell?

Gaines doesn't want to buy it.
He wants to steal it.

He wants to prove he's a better horse trader
than his granddaddy...

who stole the land from the Indians
about 50 years ago.

I bet you can't wait
to meet this guy, huh, Hannibal?

The wee dudes are
looking forward to it, aren't you?

What wee dudes? You been greasing
your hair with battery acid again, Murdock?

Pay no attention to B.A...

his mundane metaphors
are only exceeded by his awful attitude...

which you will learn to know and love.

It's not a bad idea, though.

Buy up cheap desert land...

get the water to it.
You got instant Palm Springs.

Hey, I remember that movie,
Chinatown. Water rights.

Jack Nicholson walked around all the time
with a big Band-Aid on his nose.

That's a good image, Captain. Thank you.

What's happening now
is that Col. Smith is getting on...

what is known, in A-Team vernacular,
as the "jazz."

I'll explain what it means later.

Murdock, you better bring
along a couple. You never can tell.

I didn't think those three boys
would have the guts to come back.

Gotta hand it to them.
They are a spunky bunch.

I admire that, Harry. Really, I do.

Thing is, I wish they hadn't come back
for their own sakes.

Makes me real sorry
about what they're forcing us to do.

It's only my opinion, but I still think
you are all a bunch of donkeys.

Can't you see that Frank Gaines
has the edge on you?

He is just as stubborn as you are...

and a great deal richer.

He can afford not to play by the rules.

Sounds terrifying, huh, B.A.?

- Is that rhubarb?
- Apple. And this is serious.

So what you're saying is we ought to quit.

I'm saying I don't want you racked up again.

Frank Gaines can raise a small army.

What we lack in numbers, Miss Huston,
we make up in quality.

- Like your pie.
- Boy, is he right, Amanda.

In fact, you are a pretty lucky lady
because these fellas down here like it, too.

There's five down here you forgot to count.
That's five on our side.

I was hoping the desert air would clear
your brain, but I should have known better.

Five what I forgot to count?

- You heard of the Dirty Dozen?
- Yes.

These little caballeros are called
the Filthy Five.

Hello, boys.
It's good to see you up and around.

Why don't you just leave, Mr. Gaines?
You're not welcome here.

Sorry to hear that.

Actually, I'm a little surprised
to see you at all.

From what Harry says, I thought you'd saved
pennies and bought one-way tickets.

I bought the trip back.

- Who are you?
- The slime monster or the aquamaniac...

take your pick.

I wouldn't fool with him if I was you.

Not too many people know it,
but this is the guy that k*lled Cock Robin.

sh*t him in the gut
so that he'd die slow with a lot of pain.

What are you,
fugitives from the banana bin?

How did he know?

Say, that's a real nice shotgun
you got there.

Where did you get it?

This is a Super Crown Presentation-Grade
Benetti, handcrafted in Italy.

Cost me $20,000.

- I'll be darned.
- Want to see how good it works?

That's real good.
I'll bet you could hit the wall every time.

So long as no people get in the way.

Frank... That's your name, isn't it?

You don't believe
in that western code thing:

never sh**t a man in the back,
let him draw first, that kind of thing?

- No, I surely don't.
- Well, good, neither do I.

Make them by hand, break them by hand.

You're a real long way from home, pal.

Come on, we gotta say goodbye.

It was great meeting you,
but don't hurry back, you hear?

I think they're too stupid
to get the message.

I think you're right, B.A.

Here comes the water truck.

- What's going on?
- You got a radio in that rig?

Yeah, but it's on the blink.
What's going on, anyway?

- You didn't get the word.
- About what?

This order's been canceled.

It hadn't been canceled in Barstow
when I left the yard.

Well, it's canceled now.

All right, if you'll move your car there,
I'll go to Deadman, phone in...

- And confirm.
- Not necessary.

You can turn around
and go back to the yard.

Let me put it another way.

If you'll just move your car there,
I won't have to drive right on over it.

I don't think you'll do that.

Okay. I appreciate your explaining it to me.

"Fires can be put out,
but it helps to have water.

"Water is in very short supply.
Use it wisely.

"SELL.
Sobaco Ecological Leadership Lobby."

I didn't know Gaines
had such a sense of humor.

Yeah, he's a laugh a month.

I want you to pay real close attention
'cause I'm only gonna say this once.

I heard that line before.
That's Randolph Scott, last reel...

Belle of the Yukon,
International Pictures, 1944.

You got any more smart remarks there,
scumball?

That's Richard Widmark,
Kiss of Death, Fox, '47.

Shut up, Murdock!

Yeah, let's hear what Frankie boy
has to say only once.

Well, the message is real simple.
My offer stands.

Not the latest one, but the original.

The more this tinderbox goes up in smoke,
the lower that offer's gonna be.

And if I were you, I would not wait
until this entire town is a briquette.

Col. Smith,
I thought you said you had a plan.

I do.

A little bit of m*llitary strategy.

Sounds like the jazz to me.

Mr. Gaines, this is Jaime Collins.

Jaime, what a pleasant surprise.
How are you doing?

Just cut the garbage
and listen to what I have to say.

I'm listening. But you be real quick.
I have important things to do...

like putting the 15 ball in the side pocket.

The right way and the sensible way.

The right way didn't work out.

We talked it over
and decided to do what's sensible.

I'm glad you finally figured it out.

I was beginning to think you never would.

Especially when you brought in that
pitiful bunch of gunslingers to help you.

We're stubborn, but we're not stupid.

We decided to draw up a proposal,
and we'll bring it by to you real soon.

I'll be waiting.

They're finally gonna do
something sensible.

They're gonna draw up a proposal,
come by, and present it to me.

Should we go ahead
and let the water truck through?

When I have a signed contract in my hand.

We don't want them to think
we're going soft, do we Harry?

Last one to the door's Corky Duke.

- Now, who are you?
- Corky Duke.

Hi, there. Bradford, Field Supervisor,
Maintenance and Repair.

- This here's my foreman, Corky Duke.
- Corky?

What happened to Larson?

Larson. Got a bad case of the hives.
Laid him up pretty good.

I guess he can't eat turkey.

Anyway, we got a call
from the Gaines ranch.

Said their pressure was way down.
It's probably a blockage in the line.

Probably right about over here.

Can't be. It would show on that gauge
right there. Take a look.

Normal pressure.

The needle's probably stuck.

See if the needle's stuck, will you?

What are you doing?

This is definitely
your basic defective glass here.

I mean, this is not top-grade stuff at all.

Not only does it obviously break easily...

it also allows your moisture inside there...

to corrode
your pressure-sensitive diaphragm...

and your indicator needle there.

Most of this apparatus here looks like
it's overdue for this kind of inspection.

- Your station seems to be real slack on PM.
- PM?

Preventative maintenance.

I assume you read the department's manual
on preventative maintenance...

as amended in January of '83.

Why don't you just sign this work order?
We'll keep your bad PM on the q. t.

Okay?

Corky, check that valve out there
for me, will you?

Aye, skipper, on the double.

I hope that valve
doesn't come off in my hand.

Hey, wait a minute!
You can't turn off that water!

- You know what happens if he doesn't.
- What?

Well, just means your gonna have
to fill out the paperwork...

go to the main office and explain
to that pack of career coffee drinkers...

why Mr. Frank Gaines
can't water his prize petunias.

Now, if you can deal with that, then you are
a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

Well, just hold it till I make a call.

- Phone's dead.
- That explains why we couldn't get through.

Look, why don't you just sign
this job order?

I got my crew out there
standing in the desert.

They are gonna be melting like Mars Bars
if I don't finish this before noon.

All right, give me that.

Smart. Real smart. Thank you.

How's it going out there, Corky?

- Fine.
- Better put a seal on that valve.

Right.

I don't want the water turned on when
my crew's out there working on the line.

Of course not.

Harry, what's the problem with the water?

A man's got a wet bar,
he expects it to be wet.

- Did you call Water and Power?
- Yes, sir.

- What did they say?
- They're sending a guy to check it out.

It will take a couple hours,
depending on what's wrong.

We haven't reached the pumping station
'cause the phone's out over there.

Mr. Gaines, some guy's outside.
Said something about the water.

- Col. Hannibal Smith.
- Right here.

Should've known it was you.

- I'll get some of the guys fast.
- They don't want to come.

Know what I mean?

We're here to discuss
an intelligent business transaction.

Do you think you could manage
something intelligent?

Harry, get on the phone, call the sheriff,
tell him to get over here on the double.

Phone don't work.
I think the transformer's down.

He's right, sir. The line's dead.

Now don't get tense, Frank.
We're just here to deliver a proposal...

from our friends at the Stagecoach Hotel.

I have it right here.

$3,000? For what?

Fifty thousand acres of Sobaco County.

That's what your great-granddaddy paid
to the Indians before he stole it from them.

Adjusted for inflation, of course.
Heck of a deal, if you ask me.

I wish you hadn't done that.

It's a one-time offer...

and the alternatives just get worse.

I thought you might want these people
to leave, Mr. Gaines.

Leave? Leave wasn't exactly
what I had in mind.

You hear that?
That was definitely a death thr*at.

Face, what would you say
to a 45A about now?

Not bad. Actually,
I was thinking more in terms of a 38...

- Maybe a 32.
- Thirty-two?

Please, let's do a 32. I just love 32.

Forget the 32, forget the 38, forget the 45.

There's nothing like a good old 22.

Twenty-two!

Are you ready, B.A.?

One more.

Twenty-two always works.

- We rehearse.
- Here's one I've been rehearsing in my mind.

That's for my window in my van.
And here's for my tire.

I don't have to fight with you.

'Cause when its all over, you boys are just
gonna be hung out to dry in that town.

The water's too deep
for them vets to bring up.

And all I have to do is wait...

till that place dries up and blows away.

Unless it burns down first.

'Cause you see, one way or the other...

I'm gonna get those water rights.

Fascinating, huh, guys?

Ever try the lecture circuit?

Good work. Have any trouble?

Let's say the file clerk
at the hall of records is kind of cute...

and has always wanted
to work at a newspaper.

Jaime, show us where you think
the stuff that we need might be.

The pipe fittings and
gaskets are here.

And the hoses are over here.

There's the loading dock,
and normal access doors.

You know anything
about their security system?

- They do have a burglar alarm.
- What about a watchman?

There's a security patrol car going around
once in a while. That's about it.

We'll get in, take what we need,
no more, no less, and get out.

There's something nice about borrowing
from Gaines, huh, Face?

Yeah.

Mr. Gaines, those nutbars in the black van
are pulling out.

Maybe things are falling in line.
Come on in.

Yes, sir.

Get down, you guys. B.A.!

Okay, we've got a minute and 31 seconds
before he comes back again.

Come on.

Let's go.

I have a confession to make.

Good. I'm a Scorpio.
We're great at keeping confidences.

What is it you'd like to confess?

When you and your friends
first showed up here...

I thought I was experiencing
a close encounter of some kind.

They say first impressions
are the ones that count.

Question is,
how do you feel about us now?

I'm still working on it.

Only now I'm not so anxious
for you to leave.

I promise you that will not happen.

We never leave until we've finished
what we set out to do.

Face, I'm so afraid.

I know that it we had a lick of sense,
we would've pulled out a long time ago...

but here we are.

It's like we're playing
some kind of crazy game or something.

More and more lately,
I feel like I don't even live in a real world.

I know how you feel.

Some times I think Murdock's the one
who's in contact with reality.

The rest of us should just be sprinkled
on top of a chocolate sundae.

Why do you do it?

I mean, surely, you'd be better off
going your own separate ways...

changing your identities
and starting new lives in different places.

We do it for the same reason
you haven't run away.

You and Jaime and the others.

You're a team, a lot like we are.

When we're apart,
we're just a bunch of social misfits.

But when we're together,
that's something very special.

Only our goals are a little different.
You're trying to turn your dream into reality.

We're just trying to survive.

I think something very special
is happening here, Wanda.

- Amanda.
- Right.

Okay!

What's the pressure?

- 100 psi.
- That's enough, set her down.

Let's go.

Water!

How did we let this happen?

We didn't, Mr. Gaines. They somehow
got a rig together and drilled a well.

How much water they bring in?

Looks like those people got enough
to wait us out forever.

We're going in there,
and we're not coming out...

till those people
can't cause me any more trouble.

- You understand?
- Yes, sir, I do.

Let's get started.

We got good positions
for fixed emplacements...

but they could come at us
from 50 different directions.

I'm gonna need something mobile
with a t*nk on it.

That's all you need, just a t*nk with wheels.

No problem, I can get that
at any 7-Eleven store.

- They're open 24 hours.
- Come on, Face. We all know you can do it.

Amy told me you can come up
with just about anything.

Jet planes, penthouses, yachts.

Of course, I found it a little hard to believe.

I'll have to stay off the main road.
Can I borrow your four-wheel drive?

- Keys are in it.
- Thank you.

- How you doing, Harry?
- Just fine, Mr. Gaines.

We'll be ready.

- Be sure you are.
- Yes, sir.

You the owner here? You Elmer?

No, Elmer Coles used to own this place.
It's mine now. Can I help you?

Taylor Collinsworth,
Field Inspector, Board of Health.

- How long you been the owner here?
- Three months.

Well, that explains why the paperwork
hasn't come through.

Transfer of ownership
is always a little complicated.

You probably haven't had your B and H
inspection then, have you?

Yes, I do, mister. I got that temporary
certificate right there over in my office.

You haven't got your temp certificate!

Not with that vehicle sitting
on your property, you didn't, no, sirree.

I just picked it up last week.

You also picked up yourself
a bundle of problems, mister.

Unless you got a sticker certifying
that that t*nk was steam cleaned...

since it hauled its last load of effluvium.

Now, let's go check it out, shall we?

There's no need to do that.
There's no sticker on it.

You know what you got here, mister?

You got enough
Health Code violations...

to condemn this property for good!

You know mosquitoes can grow
to be as big as binoculars?

And to them,
a place like this can be the Holiday Inn.

- Now let's have your full name.
- My full name?

Can't we work something out here?

If that's here while I'm here,
then I've got to write this up.

- If I get rid of that fluvian thing there...
- Effluvium.

Take it to the dump.

Look, mister,
I got my life savings tied up in this place.

Can't you give me a break?

Oh, boy.

Completely off the record.

If I drive this out of here...

take it to the dump myself...

then I'd be able to see my way clear
not to red tag you.

You're asking for a big favor here.
You're lucky I'm in a good mood.

- Beautiful, Face.
- Voilà!

Voilà what? What do you expect me to do
with this piece of junk?

I don't know.
I can think of several possibilities.

Possibilities with this thing?

B.A., do you guys remember
the fight we got into...

- in the barracks in Camranh Bay?
- Yeah.

Bring it around back, Face.

It really is too bad we can't preserve
this for the Museum of Modern Art.

Really gets the old adrenaline going,
doesn't it?

- You sure this is gonna work, Colonel?
- Let me put it to you this way...

Hannibal's plans are absolutely consistent.

They never look like they're going to work,
but they always do. Sort of.

I don't know how we're ever gonna be able
to repay you for this, sir.

We're just making
a small contribution to freedom.

Each of you have already made a great one.

It's been great knowing you, Colonel.

I just wish we all could have got together
15 years sooner.

Okay, boys. Let's go.

The Clantons are coming, Wyatt!

You know where
you're supposed to go. Let's hurry it up.

Light them up!

- Jaime.
- Gotcha!

All right. You're not welcome in this town.

Now if these good people...

Jaime, Les, Dave, or any of their friends...

catch a cold, stub their toe,
or if there are any more fires in this town...

the pictures that Miss Allen took...

showing you
committing the crime of arson...

will be given to the district attorney,
and then distributed to the newspapers.

Do you understand that?
Now get out of town!

You know, it's amazing.

Here we are being bombarded with offers
for partnerships that we don't want...

and financing that we do.

It was just a week ago,
we were back at the V.A. hospital...

just about ready to throw in the towel...

and talking to Murdock
and his invisible entourage.

Nothing alcoholic, please.
The wee people do not partake.

It's a question of image,
of overcoming a stereotype.

We're talking about responsibility here.

We're talking Looney Tunes.
That's what we're talking, fool.

Ease up, B.A.

He's just showing concern for his troops.

- Sign of a true leader.
- Thank you, Colonel.

Sign of a true nut.

- I think we should drink a toast.
- Hear, hear.

To four incredibly brave people
who refuse to be pushed around.

And to the Stagecoach Hotel, soon to be
the center of a major new resort and...