Did you read the copy
of will's book
That corky gave you?
"The story
of a dutch boy
"Who gave paul revere's horse
the will to live
Sparking the revolution"?
I'd rather pass
a kidney stone.
It was either read this,
or the ollie north book
And this seemed
more believable.
I had to force myself
to stop reading at : a.m.
Does anybody know how it ends?
I can't help you.
I use my copy
as a bumper guard--
If I hit the book
I know I'm too close
to the wall.
Good morning, news brethren.
Before we start...
Did you read
will's novel?
No. Audrey's using it
to press maple leaves.
Now, before we
start our meeting
I just want to share
a few thoughts I had
On my way to work.
I was thinking about our parents
And how hard they worked
And how fortunate we are
to have a job
That we love...
Hold on.
What month is this?
Dear lord, it's the annual
sponsors mixer!
I'm not going..!
No way in hades..!
I knew it.
I should have used
the good news-bad news routine.
So sue me.
Look, the mixer
is this sunday night
And attendance
is mandatory.
We are in a recession
And it's important
to keep our sponsors happy.
So no horsing around with
the sponsors' products
Like last year.
Hey, put me, cat food, and pate
in the same room
And something's bound to happen.
I'm so sorry I'm late
for the meeting
But security just called
And my husband's
on his way up!
Will wasn't due back
until tonight.
He's surprising me.
Isn't that sweet?
We haven't seen each other
for six weeks.
I have such a romantic evening
planned--
Soft candlelight
Something frilly
from victoria's secret
Pork chops.
What do you do
with the pork chops?
Special delivery
for miss sherwood-forrest.
Bunny bunster!
Will, hi!
Long time no see.
Great book--
how does it end?
Oh, sweetheart, this is
such a wonderful surprise.
I took
an early flight.
Yeah. Big surprise.
We're all thrilled.
What about this?
How does it end?
The americans win.
I know that.
What happens to the horse?
I'm not giving away the ending.
You'll have to read it
Or,wait for the movie.
The movie?
Warner brothers
decided to make a movie.
Really?
And they asked me
to write the screenplay.
I'm so proud.
Congratulations--
a movie!
How does it end?
I just had to tell you
in person.
And explain why I have to catch
another flight for l.a.
This afternoon.
They want to meet on this
first thing in the morning.
They're talking
macaulay culkin
For the role of honus,
the little dutch boy.
But, will, I had
a big night planned--
Candlelight... And pork.
I know, sweetheart
But it will just be
a few more weeks
And I promise, our lives
will finally be back to normal.
Really?
You've been promising me
that for over a year.
First you had
to finish your novel.
Then you had to find
a publisher.
Then the book tour happened.
Now it's hollywood.
When will our lives
be normal?
After they film
the little dutch boy?
After they film
the little dutch boy, part two?
After they film
the little dutch man?
Corky, I see your side
of this, I really do
But this is my big break.
You have your career.
Why are you standing
in the way of mine?
I'm not standing
in your way, will.
I was just hoping to get
a bit of your attention
But I guess
you've made your choice.
Corky...
The stupid little dutch kid
Signs the declaration
of independence
For some dopey farmer
who mangles his hand
In a grist mill accident
And becomes
the toast of new york!
Real original!!
What happens
to the horse?
Dear lord!
Miller redfield.
I heard he was back
at the network
Like a bad flu.
Frank:
and he's living
my worst nightmare.
He's doing the weather
on the morning show.
You cross picket lines
And you get
what you deserve.
I hear he's working
with a puppet--
A dog wearing a sombrero
called senor coldfront.
Maybe we'll have some fun
at this party after all.
Oh, miller--
over here.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't tweedledee
And tweedledum...
And... Somebody else.
Murphy:
hi, miller.
Congratulations
on your new job--
And your new partner.
Must be quite a challenge
working with felt.
Who's your agent? Gepetto?
Hi. Steve arnold.
Ace spark plugs.
You're miller redfield,
aren't you?
Yes, I am.
Perhaps you saw
my special report
On the aphid crisis
in kuala lumpur.
No, but I love your puppet.
Where is he?
Yeah, where is he?
Oh, he's... He's here...
But this really
isn't a good time.
He's... He's sleeping.
Young man, I spend
$ million annually
Advertising on this network.
Wake his fuzzy-little-dog
butt up.
Whoops, I think
I hear him stirring.
Uh... Over here.
Here they are.
Guys, meet one of
f.y.i.'s newest sponsors
Mr. Charles colarusso,
founder of sparkle flush
The nation's number-one
toilet bowl cleaner.
Murphy brown!
I'm a big fan.
I wonder if we might have
our picture taken later?
Well, certainly, mr...
Colarusso, was it?
It would be a pleasure.
(Thinking:)
yeah, a pleasure--
Captured on film for eternity
with mr. Toilet bowl cleaner.
With that hair
He should be
mr. Toilet bowl scrubber.
Corky, hi.
Miller redfield.
We worked together once.
Like I wouldn't remember.
You're too kind.
Mind if I join you?
Yes.
Thank you.
So, uh...
How come you're here
by yourself tonight?
I'm not even supposed
to be here.
I should be having
a romantic dinner
With my husband right now.
Instead, he's in hollywood,
and I'm alone.
Being alone is...
Lonely.
I know.
Here I am in washington,
and all I have is this puppet.
Nobody gives you the chance
to be something you're not
But you know you could be
if you weren't stuck being
What you already
know you are.
I know exactly what you mean.
People think they
know how you are
So you never get to be
what they don't know you are.
You can say that again.
People think because
you're on tv your life
is one big party.
You know what I did
last saturday night?
I refilled all the little
shampoo containers
In my travel kit.
You know, sometimes being
alone with someone
Makes being alone
not so bad.
That's very profound,
miller.
Did you just make that up?
Yeah.
Boy, that did sound good.
Try to remember it.
You might want
to use it again.
"Sometimes being..."
"Sometimes when..."
Nope. It's gone.
Each of my mattresses
has a five-year guarantee.
You wear it out,
we replace it free of charge.
I'll bet I could go broke
with you.
Five-year guarantee,
you say.
Oh, great, another sponsor
coming on to me.
Don't do it, fontana.
Remember what happened
with the jiffy-lube lady.
...and five
saturday nights ago
I cleaned out the grill
under my refrigerator.
Five saturdays ago, i...
Oh, yeah.
Never mind.
What?
Don't laugh, all right?
I rented old yeller.
I love that movie.
Maybe because when
I was growing up
I couldn't have a dog.
My sister was allergic.
I never had
brothers or sisters.
So I've always wanted
to have two kids-- a boy
...and a girl.
...and a girl.
(Gasps)
Wow! Out of all the combinations
you could possibly have
We both want the same thing.
He's looking at me.
She's looking
at me.
Do I have food
on my face?
Do I have food
on my face?
Now let's see him
Do the barometric pressure
in portland
While you drink
a glass of water.
No problem.
(As puppet:)
oh, senor?
What do you have to do
to get a drink of water--
Set yourself on fire?
They love that.
Putz.
Miller is really very nice.
Why did we all hate him
so much?
I can't believe
I've been talking to corky
for hours and she hasn't left.
I feel I can tell her
anything.
(In puppet voice:)
just don't tell her
you had your chin done.
Gee, it looks
like everyone's left.
I guess I should be going.
I don't want to keep you.
But maybe there's time
for one more cup of coffee.
Oh, gee, where did
the evening go?
Unfortunately
This will have to be
our last dance.
(Band playing "disco inferno")
"Disco inferno"!
That's my song.
I love that song!
I got to dance!
You, too, corky.
Gee, miller's
a terrific dancer.
He knows all the good moves,
and it comes so easily to him.
...and pivot and turn
And two and point
and point and point and turn.
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Corky?
(Gasps)
Miller!
What are you doing here?
Corky, we have to talk...
About... The kiss.
It was a terrible thing.
I was up all night
thinking about it.
All I can figure
is that I was feeling hurt
Because of my fight with will,
and I threw myself at you.
This is all my fault.
I don't know
what came over me.
I would never make a play
for another man's wife
Especially if she's married.
So we both have excuses.
That still doesn't make
what happened right.
No. No, it doesn't.
But all we did was kiss.
It was just one kiss
And we were standing
at the time.
That's true.
A standing kiss
isn't the worst in the world.
It can be our secret.
Friends
should have secrets.
That is...
If we can
still be friends.
It would seem silly not to.
To friendship?
Friendship.
(Screams)
My eyes! My eyes!
We were
just shaking hands.
Your lips were touching
miller redfield's lips.
How could you do
a thing like that?
I don't know.
After we kissed last night
I promised
it wouldn't happen again.
You kissed that
last night
Then woke up
this morning
And decided you had
to have some more?
Excuse me, but this
is between corky and i...
Corky and me...
I... Me...
We're in my office.
That makes it
about me... I, me.
Corky,
I love you.
Stop that!
That second kiss
said it all.
Tell me you
didn't feel it too.
I don't know how I feel.
My head is spinning.
It's probably so repulsed
it's trying to twist itself
Off your body.
Corky, we have to talk.
What's to talk about?
She is married,
and you're an idiot.
Okay,
but things can change.
What if she weren't married?
Murphy, I know you
don't understand this
And I'm not sure
I do, either, but...
That second kiss
must have meant something
And I think I owe it to myself
to find out what.
That's why I have
to go with him now.
Read it and weep.
Let's get out
of here, corky.
We'll drive up the coast.
Is there a coast
around here anywhere?
Corky, it's miller redfield!
You're moving
down the food chain!
Stop before it's too late!
God-- two chapters away
from the end
And I'll never find out
What happens to the damn horse.
Corky! What are you
doing here?
Murphy, you have to help me.
Why?
Why do I have to help you?
I've been haunted by the image
of you, miller, and that puppet
In some grotesque
menage a trois.
Nothing happened
between us, murphy.
Neither of them
laid a hand on me
But I feel so guilty
Because something
could have happened.
I'm actually capable
of having an affair
With someone
who's not my husband.
Oh, god! Eldin!
Uh, don't worry about me.
I didn't hear anything
Except the word "affair"
and "puppet"--
Two words I never even thought
of using in the same sentence.
I'm so confused.
I'm married!
How can I be attracted
to someone else?
I don't know, corky.
Isn't there some all-night
radio show you can call?
Excuse me, but the woman
is in pain here.
Now, if you're attracted
to someone else
Something must be missing
in your life
Like a passion,
or a feeling of discovery
That's obviously been lost
from your marriage
If it was ever there.
It was.
Then you have
a decision to make.
I've only met your husband once
And I don't even know
this miller guy
So, the most intriguing choice
is the puppet.
Will you forget
the puppet?
Look, corky
You're experiencing
irrational craving.
It's like me and almond roca.
I know it's bad for me
But some days
I have to have it.
It's the same
with you and miller.
The momentary pleasure
would be great
But all you're left with
the next morning
Is empty wrappers
and a bed full of crushed nuts.
Okay.
I'm going to end it
with miller.
You see?
That wasn't so hard.
But there's one thing--
will you tell him?
He's in the car.
What?!
I can't do it.
I'm weak when I'm around him.
Oh, come on, corky.
He's going to take it very hard.
It might even destroy him.
Oh. Why didn't you say so?
Let's get
the old boy in here.
Excuse me, but if you
really want to help
You should stay out of it.
It's very important
that she tell him herself
Otherwise, she's not confronting
the problem.
She's just painting over
bad plaster.
Murphy:
he's right.
I hate that.
You have to do this
on your own, corky
But it's my house.
I get to watch.
Oh, miller?
Could you come in here
for a second?
He's at the curb playing
"I've got your nose"
With the cat next door.
That's far enough.
I have rules about my house--
No smoking,
no foods that stain my carpet
No miller.
Murphy!
Oh, okay
But only as far as the foyer.
Miller, I have something
very difficult to tell you
Something
you may not understand.
Does it involve math?
No, miller.
See, I really like
being with you
But the past hours
have been very confusing.
I've said certain things--
Certain things
that with a clearer head
I never would have said.
Do you sort of understand
what I'm getting at?
Yeah, sort of.
No.
She wants to save
her marriage
And she wants you
out of the picture...
But you have to tell him.
I'm sorry, miller
But when I got married,
I took a vow--
For better,
or for worse.
Though things
seem worse with will
And better with you
If I'm to be true to my vows,
then to be worse with will
Is better
than being better with you.
What?
I understand.
What the hell was that--
esperanto?
Corky, I wish I could think
of something to say
That would change your mind
But for the first time
in my life, words fail me.
So I'll give you
what you want.
I'll go.
Bye-bye.
But before I go
I just want to say
that I know in my heart
Someday we'll be together
And until
that day comes
I'll be waiting.
I'll wait for you
as long as it takes.
I'll wait until the berlin wall
comes down if I have to.
Good-bye, miller.
(Sighs)
Corky, you did
the right thing.
Did i?
I always believed
That when you got married
You'd never be attracted
to anyone else
But I was, and how do I know
it won't happen again?
You don't.
There's no guarantees
in life.
It isn't easy
being an adult.
I'm just glad I have
a friend like you.
You don't have
to thank me.
I'm just glad
that in some small way
I was able to help.
Well, what do you say
we call it a night?
Oh, murphy,
I need a ride home.
Oh, for god's sake!
Are you trying
to suck me dry?!
Sorry.
Oh, all right.
Geez, when he said
he'd wait for you
He really meant it.
Now what do we do?
I don't know.
Let's give him a few minutes.
Maybe he'll forget
why he's out there and leave.
So, corky, it looks like
I'm not going to finish
will's book tonight
And I'm dying to know
what happens to the horse.
Why don't you just tell me.
Are you sure you don't want
the pleasure of reading it?
No. I want to know now.
What happened to the horse?
They ate him.