Excuse me.
Could you remove
your hands please
Buddha's getting off.
Unbelievable. People are
constantly touching me?
I feel like an exhibit
At the children's museum.
You know what it is?
We live in an overcrowded city
There's no escape from
any nut case who comes along.
Good morning, everyone!
Aw?
You know what else
Is wrong with living
in this city?
I'm sure
you'll tell us.
Dirt, crime, traffic, noise.
How long have
you heard me complaining about it?
Well, Murphy, you do a lot
of complaining.
I don't think any of us have had
time to break it down
By subject heading.
You've heard the
last of my complaints
Because I'm finally doing
something about it.
Oh, boy. Here it comes.
the farm speech.
She's fed up with the city.
she's going back to the land.
And on her farm
she'll grow some food.
E-I-E-I-O.
I understand that you're bitter, Miles.
I was bitter too.
When I was a pasty-faced,
smog-sucking city dweller.
But that was before yesterday.
the day I bought a farm.
You're kidding?!
I did. it's on five acres
in Virginia.
With a rambling old farmhouse
and a red rooster weather vane.
I drove up to see it yesterday
and fell in love.
I can't believe it. You
actually bought a farm?
Just like that?
It takes me three weeks
to buy a comb.
Well, I haven't bought it yet,
technically, Frank.
The broker
said I could go up
And spend a few days
getting a feel of the place
Before I make up my mind.
So I'm going up on the weekend.
Oh, what a
wonderful thing
For you and
the baby, Murphy.
Growing up on a farm
is very educational.
I learned a lot
about life.
Although, if
you're too young
The first time you
see sheep mate
It can cause flashbacks
during your honeymoon.
Wow.
A weekend alone...
in the country.
No stress.
No deadlines.
Forget it, Frank.
I'm not taking you.
Oh, come on, Murph.
I need to get away.
The guy in the next apartment
bought a stereo.
And he keeps playing these
Herb Alpert records.
If I hear The Lonely Bull
one more time...
You think you need a trip to the country?
I'm the one who's stressed out.
Look what it's doing to my gums.
If they recede any more
I'll be flossing my skull.
All right.
You can all come.
Bring your families, bring your dog,
put granny in a rocking chair
And tie her to the roof of the car,
for all I care, but after this weekend
If you feel like country,
You can just hang out in
the Ralph Lauren department
At Macy's.
So guys, what did I tell you?
Is this rustic or what?
But I want your honest opinion.
Do you really think
it's worth the money?
Hard to tell, Murphy.
Did you have to pay extra for that
toilet on the front lawn?
Forget them, Murph.
They're wimps.
This is the way
life was meant to be lived--
In harmony with nature.
Getting by with
nothing but your hands
and your wits.
Will you be driving back
with me on Sunday?
Or will you be riding
Babe, your blue ox?
Where's Corky and Will?
No doubt still pawing each other
in the back seat of my car.
Oh, Jim. You know this is their first
weekend together in quite a while.
I find their open display
of affection
To be quite refreshing.
You didn't have to watch it
for two hours
In the rear view mirror.
All that juvenile giggling
and lip smacking...
I felt like a limo driver
on prom night.
Howdy.
I was upstairs patching holes
In that room
with the bunk beds.
There's a family of squirrels
living in there.
Eldin came up here
yesterday to see
If this is a place
he can work with.
So Eldin, what's the verdict?
It's got possibilities.
Although, I'm a little stumped on
which way to go with the mural.
You know, I'm not known
for my farm themes
Although, I once painted a cow
to represent the working class
With Ronald Reagan
milking it dry?
Miles, what are you doing?
Trying to get an update on
that hostage story we were
listening to in the car.
Sorry, but that's technology.
And this weekend
technology's not allowed.
What are you
talking about?
It's not country.
Now if you look around,
you'll notice there's
no telephone, no television
None of the trappings
of modern civilization?
Oh, God.
Sorry, but that's the rule.
You can put this thing
back in your car
Along with your cellular phone
And whatever other
high-tech contraband
You were thinking
of smuggling in here.
You are.
No, you are.
No, Bunny Bunster.
You're the cutest.
Oh, for the love of Mike.
Hey, great place, Murphy.
Where do we put
our stuff?
Anywhere you want,
as long as I get the room
Closest to the bathroom.
There's a queen sized bed in one bedroom,
and two twins across the hall.
And then at the far end,
there's some bunk beds.
Frank and Miles should
probably take those.
You mean, the squirrel room?
It's okay, Miles. Chip and Dale
have checked out.
It's not like you have to sleep
in their nutty sheets.
Okay, but I want
the top bunk, Frank.
Makes no difference to me.
I'm sleeping outside.
Are you sure, Frank?
It gets down into the s
here at night.
You guys can lead the cushy life,
if you want.
I'm spending my weekend
in the arms of Mother Nature.
If it's all right
with Jim and Doris
Will and I will take
the queen-sized bed.
Unless you'd rather
have it, Jim.
No, I only wanted it
because I'm tall
And my feet hang over
the edge of a twin?
Thanks, dear.
Oh, I didn't mean it
like that, Doris.
It's just that...
Oh, Lord,
there goes the weekend.
You take the queen, Corky.
The twin beds will be
just perfect for us.
Just perfect.
Who's the happiest
married person
In whole state of Virginia?
Corky:
I am.
Will:
No, I am.
Okay. All set for
the nature hike.
Ha! Fine idea.
Corky, Will, don't unpack yet.
We're going on a hike.
In my college botany class
I could identify
over varieties of flora.
, you say. My!
Doris, didn't you take botany
in college?
No.
Ah.
Murphy:
Come on, guys.
We're waiting.
Geez, maybe I better go up
and drag them down.
(Corky and Will giggling)
Or we could just go off
on our own.
Yeah, good idea. Fresh air.
Eating off the land is the best.
When you know
what you're doing
Walking through
a wide, open field
Is the same thing as
going up and down
The aisles at Food World.
Oak bark?
No thanks, Frank.
I'm still full from
That tree stump
I had for lunch.
I was hoping Miles
would have beaten us back.
I hope he didn't get lost.
Mr. varieties of flora?
I told him to stick close.
Maybe he's upstairs already.
Miles!
(Corky and Will giggling)
Wow!
Is there anything I
can do to help, Doris?
No, dear.
If you had held my hand,
as I asked,
As we crossed those
slippery rocks in that stream
That might have helped.
It's just that my hand were full
of pine cones at the time.
Yes, you keep saying that.
You know, Jim, there was a time
When I couldn't get you to
stop holding my hand.
It's just...
Well, I had these pine cones.
Why don't I get some wood
to build you a nice, toasty fire?
You do that.
I'll be upstairs
Freeing a trout from my brassiere.
Hi, Doris.
How was your afternoon?
Splendid. As you can see,
I had my hair done.
How was your afternoon?
Oh, fine.
Boy, am I starved.
There's just something about
being in the country
that gives me an appetite.
Here, peel these.
If you have the strength.
I'll be growing my own
carrots someday soon.
Not puny little ones like these.
Big ones. Farm Carrots.
Big enough to choke a bunny.
Brr. There'll be frost
on the pumpkin tonight.
Good thing you've got Jim Dial,
master fire builder.
Most people think that kindling
is the secret to a good fire, but
They're wrong.
Log placement.
That's the key
Where's the gas jet?
There is none, Jim.
You have to do it
the old fashioned way.
Oh, of course. No problem.
It didn't start.
Thank you, Will.
Where did you people go?!
Miles, are you all right?
Of course, I'm all right.
Why wouldn't I be all right?
I only lost my glasses and
was ditched and left to rot in the wild.
Miles, we didn't ditch you.
You shouldn't have wandered off.
Thanks for the tip, Frank.
Your compassion is truly overwhelming.
I just hope, one day,
I can return the favor.
I'm over here.
That's your problem.
The highlight of my afternoon was
Being chased by a crazed heifer.
Losing my glasses,
And tumbling down a steep hill.
Only to land face-down in a thick patch
of zagadinas.
More commonly known as
death lilies.
How did you find your way back?
Thank God, I had my binoculars.
Do you have any idea what it's like
to be yards away
from someone's front door
and think you're knocking on it?
What is it about a meal
cooked in the country?
Everything is so, um-um, good.
The mashed potatoes, the chicken.
How are your weeds, Frank?
Delicious.
Anybody want some?
Oh, sure, I'm going to put in my mouth
Something I pay my gardener
$ a month to haul away.
Jim, why don't you forget
the fire for a while?
Have your dinner.
It's getting cold.
I've almost got it, Murphy.
I think I've got an ember.
Damn it to hell.
Corky, come on.
There's open food on the table.
Come on, Murphy.
We're just trying to stay warm.
It's freezing in here.
It is not.
It is too.
You're only warm because
you're pregnant.
This is great.
I can sit here blind and freezing,
or I can go up to my room
where a family of squirrels
is waiting to pick me apart.
I've had enough.
I've got a zippy log in my car,
and I say we use it.
Zippy log?
What's that?
It's one of those sawdust logs
they sell at the supermarket.
I won't have it in my fire.
You brought a log?
I was born in the city.
I came prepared for any emergency.
You can just forget about it.
The farmers didn't use zippy logs,
and neither are we.
Well, I guess we'll just have to
snuggle a little bit closer.
Who's the most huggable,
snuggable in Virginia?
You are.
No, you are.
No, you are.
Oh, go get the stupid log.
Here, Miles. I'll get it.
I could have gotten that fire going
If the wood wasn't quite so wet.
I've started many damp
wood fires in my time.
Remember some of those damp
wood fires I've started, dear?
And then, there are those fires
no man can start.
Oh, no, Corky.
That log won't light
Unless you crumple
up some paper,
and you put it
under the grate,
and then you add kindling.
Oh, hey.
All right.
I'm going to bed.
Jim, it's only : .
Okay,
How are we going to spend
our country evening?
There's a million
things we could do.
Name one.
Well, we could read.
Doris brought a book.
Seven people are going
to read one book?
Besides, I didn't
come here to read.
I came here to have fun.
There's always just talking.
Wouldn't that be
a nice change, dear?
Yes, the lost art of conversation.
That's what the farmers did.
That's how ideas and
news were passed.
By farmers telling farmers.
So, why don't we start with
something of general interest?
Frank, you start us off.
Well, uh ...
There's an economist
at Harvard
who says that the Russian people
are going to have to come up with
- billion dollars this year alone
to stabilize their economy.
Well, good night, everybody.
See you in the morning.
So, that right, Frank?
- billion?
I sure don't envy Yeltsin.
I heard that people were hospitalized
fighting over a loaf of bread.
Imagine that.
people?
Eldin, hello!
Have some dinner. I fixed you a plate.
No, thank you.
The next food I eat's going to be
handed to me through a drive up window.
My work here is done.
I'll talk to you
back in town.
(all talking at once)
No, I got to go.
You know, the way you people
are looking at me,
I'm starting to feel like the weakest
member of the Donner party.
Good night.
Thank you.
So.
Where were we?
Why is it
Whenever I want to make
love we never do?
When you're feeling your oats,
Usually after watching an old
John Wayne movie,
I have to drop everything and
run to your beck and call.
Good night.
It creeps up over the meadow.
What peace.
What color.
Okay, that's it.
Let's go.
Where are you going?
Back to bed.
You can't go back to sleep.
We're burning daylight here.
We got a million things to do.
We can chop wood, mend fences,
or find a roadside stand
And sample fresh produce
from neighboring farms.
We're in Virginia.
What are we going to buy, tobacco?
Fine, you don't like my idea?
Suggest some of your own.
I have a television in my car.
The b*ll*ts-Lakers game
is on at : .
You want to bring
a TV in here?
Why not run a Chrysler
assembly line
Right through the living room?
No! No TV!
No way. Period.
And I say we take a vote.
It's what the farmers would have done.
All those for the b*ll*ts?
Oh, so this is
What it's come down to.
Well, I guess it's
up to you and me
To carry the torch, Frank,
to forsake technology and
Carve out a brave
new direction
For the well-being
of future generations.
I want to watch TV.
You too, Frank?!
Sorry, Murph.
No. No, no, no, I'm sorry.
For all of you.
Plug in your appliances.
Pollute Nirvana with your
electromagnetic waves.
I've had it
with the lot of you.
You come in here talking
the talk of farmers, and now?..
Well, you'll just have to live
with your shame.
The queen is dead!
Get the TV.
Yes!
Let's do it!
Doris:
Miles, do you hair a hair dryer,
by any chance?
I've always loved
this commercial.
It's sweet the way the husband
puts those comfort insoles
Into his wife's shoes
in the morning
When she isn't looking.
Don't laugh, but it sort of
reminds me of you and Jim.
Why? Is there an air of
resentment
and unspoken recrimination
between them?
No, it's the kind of thing
You'd do for each other.
Like how Jim always washes
your car on Sunday morning
Or driving up here
The way you took the pickle
off his cheeseburger
And he didn't even have to ask?
Those are things people who
really know each and
really care about each other do.
Surely you and Will
do those things.
Not really.
I don't think it means
we love each other any less.
But, for some reason, we
just never think to do them.
You're lucky.
I hope someday
Will and I have
what you two have.
If it isn't
mission control.
What time
does the shuttle lift off?
Come on, Murph.
You invited us here
to have a good time.
We're having a good time.
You're not having
a country good time like me.
Look what I made-- butter.
I found an old churn
out in the shed.
And I read how to do it.
It took me three hours
to make half a stick.
But I did it, and it was fun.
Now you're all going to eat
the damn butter.
(Knocking)
Sit down!
It's one of those
old-fashioned,
non-electric doors
you have to open by hand.
You probably don't remember
how that works.
Hi there,
I'm Gary Abernathy
And this is my wife Ann.
We live on the next spread
over to the east.
Oh, well, hello.
Come on in, please.
We heard you were
thinking of buying
So we wanted to stop by
and say welcome.
They're muffins.
Well, thank you.
That's right neighborly.
I'm Murphy brown, and these
are my friends-- city folk.
Gary:
Nice to meet you.
If you have any questions
We've lived here longer
than just about anybody.
So feel free to ask.
Did you hear that?
"Feel free?"
Now, that's country
hospitality for you.
So tell me
How many years has the Abernathy
clan called these parts home?
Oh, Lord, it must be, what?
Two years this August?
We practically stole it
From the old couple
who used to own it?
Look, I really wasn't thinking
of it as an investment.
I know.
You want a little place
to get away on weekends
To relax and
get back to basics.
Boy, we almost went crazy
Our first couple trips
down here.
There was nothing do.
I mean nothing. Nothing.
Ann:
Nothing.
I thought
we'd k*ll each other.
We were about to sell
the place until we heard
About some the improvements
they are starting to make around here.
Improvements?
They're going to tear down
that old yellow barn across the road
And put in a mall.
But that's a landmark.
That's the oldest barn
in Virginia.
Not anymore.
Oh, Gary, don't gloat.
He bought the wood.
And already sold it to an architect
in Georgetown for three times
what it cost us.
Almost going to pay
for the new wine cellar.
We're finally getting
progress around here.
And with the new interstate
coming through
It will even be better.
I guess that's why
so many people like us
are looking to buy out this way.
Well, we should be going.
Bye, now.
Bye.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I'm supposed to say hello from your
neighbor up the road,
Sam Donaldson.
Okay, that's it.
I surrender.
I give up.
You want to pack up,
we can be back to the city by dark.
What are you talking about?
You're kicking us out?
I was starting
to have a good time.
I'd like to stay too.
Fine, you're having a good time.
Go ahead.
I'm getting
the hell out of here.
You're not going to buy this place?
I could tolerate the mall
and the interstate
But I'm not driving to hours
To see Sam Donaldson
in bib overalls and a straw hat
trying to milk horse.
Murphy, our bedroom door's stuck
and we can't get in.
Must be jammed.
Wait a minute.
Where's Jim and Doris?
(Doris giggling)
(Jim giggling)
Let' go outside?
Let's visit
the neighbors.
Somebody help me!