04x20 - Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Murphy Brown". Aired: November 14, 1988 – May 18, 1998.*
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Murphy Brown is the star reporter of "FYI," a newsmagazine series.
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04x20 - Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

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stopped at : .

This dream was
so incredibly vivid.

My body kept expanding

Until it filled
the entire building.

They called out
the army, the air force.

No one could stop me

Ted Koppel tried to interview me

And I ate him.

You all want to
talk about weird dreams?

I had a crazy one last night.

Morning all.

Jim, you've got to hear this.
It's hilarious.

You all know

That new
network publicity guy

We met the other day--
Rick?

(All agreeing)

So in this dream

I'm giving him a tour of Washington.

All of a sudden,
he gets really excited

And he starts pointing at
the Washington Monument.

Next thing I know,

we're racing up the stairs,
running faster and faster

until we just sh**t
right out the top.

You sh*t out of the
Washington Monument?

Like we were blown
out of a cannon.

It's like

And then, and then,
instead of falling,
we started to float

all the way down
to the reflecting pool.

And when we hit the water,

Rick turns into a dolphin.

We swam.

We frolicked.

I was incredible.

What? What's the matter?

What does that mean, exactly?
You frolicked?

Miles, I don't quite know
how to say this,

but you've just described

the classic h*m*-erotic dream.

Get out of here!

Miles had a sex dream
about another man?

I did not!

There's nothing to be
embarrassed about.

Lots of people
have h*m*-erotic dreams.

Have you?

Are you kidding?!

What about you, Corky?

No. Murphy?

Not that I can remember.
Jim?

Absolutely not.
I've never had a dream
in my entire life.

Jim, everybody dreams.

Well, I don't.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have work to do.
And Miles?

I'm going to consider this
whole unfortunate incident

The result of that bad tuna
salad you ate yesterday.

I suggest we all
do the same.

Miles, Miles,
I wouldn't worry about this

If I were you.

There is a logical explanation
for all dreams.

You probably picked up
on the fact that Rick was gay.

And then your subconscious...

What are you saying?
Wait a minute.

Rick's not gay.

Of course, he is.
Come on, Murph,

you were standing right next to me,
when we met him.m

Don't tell me, you didn't
notice anything.

Like what?
Was he wearing a T-shirt

with a picture
of a woman on it

with a big red line
through her?

Wait a minute,

Did I say
the Washington Monument?

I meant a monument
in Washington.

But not a tall, pointy one.

Murph, I'm not making
any value judgments here.

I don't care that Rick is gay.

But he is gay.

Based on what?

The Frank Fontana gay-o-meter?

All right, let's start with the watch.

It's worn on the inside of the wrist

And the hair-- moussed.

And did you happen to
notice the color coordination

between the tie and the socks?

Honestly, Frank.

I've never heard
such nonsense in my life.

You can't tell

If someone's gay
from things like that.

See?

If you want to find out,

just tell him he's got something
on his heel.

If he looks at it like this,
he's straight.

If he looks at it like this,

He's not.

You see what you started, Frank?

I'm not trying to start anything.

I'm just making
an observation.

You can't deny that
Rick was attracted to me.

Oh, please!

You said the same thing
at the Kennedy Center

when you met
Jessica Tandy.

Now that I think about it,

It might have been
the Jefferson Memorial.

Frank, Rick is not gay.

How do I know?
Because I'm a woman.

We can always tell.

In fact, I have such
confidence in my intuition

That I will stake
my entire reputation as a female on it.

You're on.

And if I'm wrong,
I'll... What?

I'll go down to the lobby

and do my impression
of Ruth Gordon.

This is going to be
so easy.

Yep, it was definitely
the Jefferson Memorial--

a round building,
sort of breast-shaped.

Guess I have only one thing
on my mind, huh?

Hi, everyone.

Look who I found

down at the news stand
in the lobby.

Hey, if it isn't our
new publicity hound.

So, Rick, how are you enjoying
your first week in Washington?

To tell you the truth, Murphy,
I've been so busy,
I haven't even had a chance to see anything yet.

Not even
the Washington Monument?

We've got to get you
out on a tour

Don't we, Miles?

Oh, yeah, you bet.

So, what did you pick up

down at the newsstand?

Oh, House Beautiful?

You get this,
don't you, Murph?

Anything
interesting in here?

I, myself,
have never read one.

Well, they've got some
terrific decorating ideas

And since all I've got right now

Is a bed, a television and a lamp
I carry with me from room to room,

I figured
I could use the help.

Hey, what's this?

Road and Track.

So, you're one of those guys
who's really into cars, huh?

Only one car,
' Corvette

It's a good thing
I have a job

Or I'd spend all my time
hunting down spare parts.

You have an old corvette?

So does frank.

Looks like you guys
have something

in common.

It's an addiction, isn't it, Frank?

But it keeps me busy
on the weekends

Now that the
football season's over.

So, you're into football, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I know what you're thinking.

Someone else
to get into our betting pool.

We bet on all kinds of stuff.

Although,
he usually loses.

Don't you, Ruth?

You know, actually,

I've been thinking
of this betting thing.

I think we've been doing
too much of it lately.

As a matter of fact,
I want to cancel our last bet.

Frank, you can't get out
of a bet once you're in.

She's right, Frank.

What did you bet on?

Whoa! Look at the time.

Publicity will think
Rick got lost on his way to work.

You know what,
you're right.

Miles, take a look at these, okay?

These are the ideas
for new promos.

I want talk to you about them,
when you have a chance.

Absolutely.
As soon as my schedule clears up.

Great.

Oh, Rick?

You've got something
on your heel.

I do?

Corky:
Never mind.

It fell off.

Hey, Rick.
There's still so much
we don't know about you.

Like where were you born?
Where'd you go to school?

Born in Maryland.

Graduated Northwestern.

And... yes, I'm gay.

Oh, my God!

He knew!

He knew.

You people
have embarrassed us all.

Prying into a man's life like that.

What have you got
to say for yourselves?

(mumbling excuses)

Good.

Get back to work.

You know...

Miles...

Now that I've seen Rick again

I can understand
why you'd find him attractive.

I don't find him attractive.

It was just a dream.

Uh-huh.

Oh, please!

I am definitely not gay.

And there are plenty of women
who can attest to that.

Plenty.

All the way back
to Hanukkah, .

In a game of spin the dreidel
in Linda Nussbaum's basement.

She still writes to me.

So, listen...

If I had any reason to spend
even one more minute of my life...

Thinking about this...

I'd see a professional.

Well, Miles, your dream
could be interpreted

as a manifestation of anxiety

about the direction
your life is headed.

Now, the young man in your dream
is a network representative--

a representative
of the very place

that creates anxiety for you.

Now, by "frolicking" with him,

You turn the network
into something friendly

and unthreatening.

It's actually
a very healthy way of coping.

Or the dream could be
an indication you're gay.

So, when you "sh*t" out
of the Washington Monument

a classic phallic symbol--

and landed
in the "reflecting pool"

which, of course,
suggests female qualities--

water, womb, the mother--

you could have been trying
to reject

the aggressive hostility
of a male-dominated society.

All in all,
it's a positive sign

of your desire to
grow as a spiritual being.

Or the dream could be
an indication you're gay.

Frank, let me ask you something.

Frank, you've been in
therapy for a long time, haven't you?

Not really.

or years.

It sound to me like this
field of therapy

is full of experts who don't
know what they're talking about.

I mean, if a therapist was attempting

To, say, analyze a dream...

Oh, Miles, you're not still thinking
about that dream, are you?

Look, the other day, I was just
playing armchair analyst.

If you want to know
what it means,

You should go and
talk to a professional.

I've been to a professional, Frank.

In the last five days,
I've been to six of them.

And I now know conclusively,

That I love my mother,
hate my father

hate my mother,
love my father,

have a fear of success,
a fear of failure.

And at the age of five,

either saw my Uncle Max
make love to my Aunt Sarah

or eat a chicken
with his hands.

The only thing
they all agreed on

was that
the Washington Monument

is a phallic symbol,
and I might be gay.

They said that?

It's totally ridiculous, isn't it?

You pay good money
for professional help.

Then again, I'm years old, Frank.

I've yet to have any kind of committed,
stable relationship with a woman.

That doesn't mean anything.

I'm , and I haven't had one.

But when I'm with a woman,
even Audrey,

I feel like I have to play
a role that's not me.

So what?

That's happened to me
plenty of times.

And all the while, I'm afraid
that if I show the real me,

She'll be disgusted.

Tell me about it.

But you get me into a game
of football with the guys

and I'm totally relaxed.

we're chasing each other around

slapping each other
on the butts.

I'm happy.

I feel good.

So do I.

That doesn't mean anything...
Really.

Excuse me.
I've got to go call my therapist.

Miles, there you are.

Thinking about your...

Sexual situation

and I have a suggestion.

There is no situation.

It was a dream about sightseeing.
That's all.

Miles, I know this must be
a confusing time for you.

But I think it's better to face
something head on.

than to just run away from it.

That's why you should
go see my minister.

Corky, I'm Jewish.

Why would I go see a minister?

Because he's gay.

You have a gay minister?

Yes, and I've found he offers
the most wonderful guidance.

I really think you should talk to him, Miles.

Would it make you
feel uncomfortable

if I had the two of
you over for dinner?

Oh, gee, Corky...

Nothing big.

Just the four of us.

And if he can't offer you any
peace of mind,

Maybe you'll hit it off.

What?!

I just want you
to be happy.

Would you excuse me
for a moment?

Sure.

You can let me
know tomorrow.

Murphy, I have to talk to you.

Miles, so help me, if this is about
my expense receipts...

I have to ask you something
and I don't know how to do it.

I want you
to look at me.

From your perspective,

as a member
of the female persuasion

Do you see a regular guy?

Or do you see someone
who deep down inside

wants to frolic
with a dolphin?

Miles, you are really a classic.

You get a hangnail,
it's gangrene.

You get a headache,
it's a tumor.

You have a dream about Flipper,
and you're gay.

I can't help it.
Dreams are the subconscious.

Sometime, they force you
to look at things

you'd rather not look at.

What if you had
the same dream

only, it was you and
Vickie in accounting?

I'd never pick Vickie.

She wears sweater sets.

I hate sweater sets.

Murphy, I'm serious
about this.

All right, all right,
I can see that.

Okay, let's assume just
for the sake of argument

That you are gay.

What would that change?

As far as I'm concerned, nothing.

You'd still be
a brilliant producer

and as much as you drive me crazy,
we'd still be friends.

I don't know.

I've spent my entire life

Looking at myself
in a certain way.

Now I realize I might be somebody
completely different.

I met Rick once,
and I had a dream about him.

What's going to happen, when
we work together all the time?

One day, I'll find myself
picking the lint off his jacket

The next thing you know, we're
ordering sconces for our living room.

Miles, I wish there was
something I could do to help

But I have to tell you
I'm at a loss here.

Actually, there is something
you can do.

What?

Look sexy.

Excuse me?

I still find
women attractive.
I know I do.

Toss your hair.

Wet your lips.

No!

Work with me here.

This is ridiculous.

You're right.

I can't get turned on by you.
You're as big as a house.

Hey!

Maybe I'll ask Rita
in the art department.

She's hot.

Oh, God, listen to me.
"Hot."

Now I'm talking
like a contestant on Studs.

Oh, I'm a very centered person.

I'm so happy
to be me right now.

Thanks for the talk, Murphy.

Let's do it again sometime.

Miles, terrific.

I've been looking for you.

You were? Looking for me?
Why would be looking for me?

Because it's been four days,
and we still haven't talked
about those promos.

Now, I checked with your secretary
and you're free for lunch.

So come on, I'm buying.

Oh, great.

Great.

Corky, where did Miles go?

On a date.

So, I think in
the new promos

We stress experience,
continuity and quality.

Maybe some sh*ts over the years
of your anchors

With some of their
biggest stories.

Good, good. I like it.

Bull's-eye on the first one.

So, no sense in wasting
an hour of our valuable time.

Wait a minute.
That's just one idea.

I've got five more.

When you've hit gold on your first try
there's no sense in dig somewhere else?

If you want to stay for lunch,
order anything you want.

Tell Phil it's on me.

Whoa, Miles.

Enough is enough.

Look, I'm not an idiot.

You've been avoiding me
for days

and when I finally corner you,
you've got one foot out the door.

Now, the problem can't be with my work
because you don't know it yet.

So that means,
it's got to be me.

You?
I have no problem with you.

Why would I have
a problem with you?

Because I'm gay.

You are?!

For Pete's sake!

The completely
slipped my mind.

I have no problem
with you being gay.

I'm completely
comfortable with it.

Phil, Phil, over here!

Hold your horses, Miles.

I'll clear this away and
be back in a minute.

Phil, I want you to meet Rick,
our new publicist.

A real interesting guy.

Phil's interesting too.

Phil, join us.

You and Rick have a real
interesting conversation.

Miles, I've got a waitress
out with the flu

And the Supreme Court's
tied up two booths

Trying to convince
Clarence Thomas

the new guy always
picks up the check.

So nice to meet you, Rick.

(Banging)

Hey, hey, hey. I told you guys,
no gavels on the table!

Look, Miles,
we've got to talk about this.

Now, whether you admit or not,

You've got a problem with me.

I spent a lot of years
pretending I was someone else.

because I was afraid--

Afraid of all the whispers.
Afraid of losing my job.

But when you've been
to as many funerals

as I have lately

you realize,
life is too valuable

to spend hiding a closet.

So, you're going to have
to deal with me as I am

because
I'm not going to change.

Murphy brown
I'm sorry, Rick.

I haven't been honest.

You were right.

I am uncomfortable.

But it's not because
of who you are.

It's because I've been
thinking a lot lately about...

Who I am.

You?

Oh, you're kidding.

Oh, man, no wonder
you're stressed out.

Miles, I want you to understand

I know what you're going through.

I came out kind of late too.

I'm not out yet.

I'm in.
Way in.

It's okay.

I mean
I didn't mean to push you.

Believe me, I fought it
for a long time myself.

I tried to ignore it.

And when that didn't work,
I went to a shrink.

And when I didn't
like what he said,

I went to another one
and another one.

I must have driven
my friends crazy.

Oh, God.

Look, Miles,
I don't want to pry.

But I just hope that whatever...

Recent experience you had,

You made sure it was safe.

Oh, don't worry.

It was completely safe.

I was alone at the time.

I think I just missed something here.

All right, I'll tell.

I had a dream.

It involved me

a man I work with

and a certain Washington landmark.

I can't say anything more,

except that frolicking was involved.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying
you think you're gay
because you had a dream?

I mean, come on, Miles.

There's got to be something
more than that.

Like what?

Well, an attraction
to other men might help.

Hey...

Look around the bar.

Is there any man here that
you find attractive?

Not really.

Actually, neither do I.

Okay, forget that.

Is there any man anywhere
that you find attractive?

I've always wanted
to be Kevin Costner.

Does that count?

You're not getting this.

If you want to be with
Kevin Costner, then it counts.

Do you want to be with
Kevin Costner?

Oh, Miles.
Contrary to public opinion,

gay men do not spend all
their time

fantasizing
about other men.

I mean, do you
have sexual thoughts

about every woman
in your office?

Well... yeah.

Okay, let me see if
I've got this right.

You're not attracted to men.

You are attracted to women.

and so far your total
gay experience

consists of one dream.

Miles, I'm sure
how to tell you this

but don't expect to
homecoming queen

at next year's

gay pride parade.

Oh, man...

You must think
I'm such an idiot.

It's okay.

You know, sexuality
can be pretty complicated.

Especially with
the messages we get.

You do a TV show

with two men having
a meaningful conversation in bed

and people go nuts.

but do a show where two guys
tear each other up with machine g*ns

those same people watch
it at dinner with their kids.

It still doesn't excuse
way I acted.

Look, cards on the table.

The guy in my dream was you.

And I was afraid

that if we spent
any time together.

something might... happen.

(Laughing)

It's ridiculous,
isn't it?

It's hysterical.

You're not even my type.

Why not?

Do you really care?

No.

You're right.

You're right.

What do you say we order?
Get back to work?

Sounds great.

One question
before we do.

My friend Jeff

thinks somebody on your
staff is really attractive.

Do you think maybe you could
help me set something up?

Who is it?

Frank.

Frank?

Frank's not gay.

Come on.
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