..
Murphy, as a medical professional
I feel it's my duty to tell you
if you don't stop eating so much,
the next time I weigh you
it's going to be down at the zoo.
Oh, sure.
Blame me.
You're the one that has a giant
bowl of carob clusters
in the waiting room.
By the way,
it needs refilling.
Now, listen, the worse shape you're in,
the harder your delivery's going to be.
Haven't they talked about that
in your Lamaze class?
Oh, right.
The Lamaze class.
You know, I was going to sign up
and then I started thinking--
This whole natural childbirth
thing doesn't seem very practical.
We're both busy women.
So I just thought
maybe we could
go ahead and schedule
a Caesarean right now.
Let me get this straight--
You want to schedule
a C-section.
Uh-huh.
Now, my due date is the th.
But that's a Sunday,
and all the good stores are closed.
Which means I'll wind up
with a room full of junk
from the hospital gift shop.
So I thought maybe we do it
on Monday the th.
But I'm not really a morning person
So could we do it after lunch.
Why not wait till after dinner.
I'm always a little looser after
a couple glasses of Chardonnay.
Murphy, we don't schedule C-sections
unless there's a solid,
medical reason for it.
I'm surprised at you.
I would have thought you'd want
the whole natural childbirth experience.
Oh, right. The unforgettable thrill
of passing a bowling ball.
Oh, boy, sign me up.
Look, Murphy.
If you didn't want to
go through the harvest,
You shouldn't have let that farmer
plant your field.
I want you to get yourself a partner
and sign up for one of those Lamaze classes
as soon as possible.
Okay, okay.
But I still say,
it's a waste of time.
I already know how to breathe.
And I'm the last person in the world
who needs to learn how to push.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Hey, Murph.
How's it going?
Working at the old computer, huh?
Good.
Just thought I'd drop by.
See how things went
at the doctor today.
pounds, Frank.
Unbelievable!
Earl in the mail room
wins the pool again.
Frank
I have to ask you something.
It's kind of silly.
And I'll understand,
if you say no.
I signed up for one of those
natural childbirth classes
Where you need a coach
And I was wondering
Would you..?
Are you kidding?
Of course, I'll do it.
I mean, to actually help
bring a child into the world?
I can't imagine anything that
would be more incredible.
And the fact that it's your kid...
Murph, I can't tell you
what this means to me.
Great. The first class
is this Saturday.
I can't make it.
What do you mean,
you can't make it?
I've got to be in Connecticut
for the closing of that naval shipyard.
But I can make all the rest of the classes
You just take notes, and
I'll catch up when I get back.
I don't know, Frank.
I don't think this is going to work.
I'm taking one of
those compressed classes
that covers everything
in two weekends.
You'll miss too much.
Oh, man.
My best friend,
a once in a lifetime experience
and I won't be there.
Murph
I'm going to make
this up to you.
I'm going to find somebody
to take my place.
Somebody who's not
out of town half the time.
What about Jim?
Oh, right. I'm going
to ask someone who's
to embarrassed to order breast
of chicken in mixed company.
Come one.
Jim would do anything for you.
And I think you at least owe him
the chance to say yes.
Okay, it's worth a sh*t.
Why not?
Jim. Buddy.
Guess what?
Murphy just got back from the doctor
And she's got some
great news for you.
Don't you, Murph?
Well...
I won the pool!
Yes!
And Earl in the mail room
said pounds was over the top.
Jim. Jim.
You didn't win the pool.
Murphy wants you to be
her Lamaze partner.
Oh.
Oh, my.
What an unexpected surprise.
Look, Jim, I didn't mean
to embarrass you.
It's okay.
It was just a stupid idea.
Murphy, I'm deeply flattered.
It's just that I come
from a generation
that doesn't handle
this sort of thing very well.
Doris and I were
married years
before we stopped
undressing in the dark.
It's okay, Jim.
I understand.
I'm sorry, Murphy.
But if there's
anything else you need.
You can count on me.
I'll even drive you and the little fella
home from the hospital.
As long as we can
find some way to
protect my upholstery against
any unforeseen baby leakage.
As a matter of fact, I think
the seats are already treated.
And if they're not, perhaps
there's still time.
Why don't I call my dealership
and find out right now.
All right.
So Jim's out.
There are a lot of
other possibilities.
What about Miles?
He's used to dealing with pressure.
Miles?
Come here a sec.
Go ahead.
Ask him.
Ask me what?
Miles?
Would you like to be
my Lamaze partner?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Murphy
That you would
ask me to do this...
It means so much.
This isn't something
you ask your boss.
This is something
you ask a friend.
A close friend.
Someone you really...
Frank couldn't do it, right?
Scheduling problems.
It's okay.
I understand.
You've known each other
since you got here.
But the fact that you
would pick me second...
That is still so...
Jim was second, wasn't he?
Miles
First choice, third choice,
who cares?
The point is
you're the one
who's going to do it.
You're the one she's
going to be depending on.
That's all that matters.
You're right, Frank.
I was just being selfish.
This isn't about me.
It's about Murphy.
Hi. What are you all
talking about?
Miles is going to be
Murphy's Lamaze partner.
Really?!
Oh, Miles.
That is so wonderful.
Sharing an experience
as incredible as this.
Holding her hand
through those
long hours of labor.
Cooling her forehead
as the contractions build.
And then
the beautiful moment
when the baby's head
actually emerges
from the birth canal.
Oh, I envy you.
(both chuckle awkwardly)
Gee, it is going to be amazing.
Isn't it, Murphy?
You and me.
Can you imagine that
first story meeting
after the baby's born?
Oh, ho, ho.
I'll look across the table
and I won't just see Murphy Brown
Hard-nosed journalist
and colleague.
No, I'll see a woman whose
inner most secrets
were spread out in front
of me like a buffet table.
Maybe we should just
forget about this.
I'm going to spend the rest
of my life trying.
...when you have a problem
and you don't think there's
a solution.
Sometimes you look
in front of you
And you see that the answer
has been there the whole time.
Eldin, what I'm
trying to say is--
Eldin, I want you to
be my Lamaze partner.
Oh.
So...
My moment of truth
has come at last.
You know, for some reason,
I never pictured it like this.
I thought it'd be in the kitchen.
I don't know why.
I know we're an unlikely pair
but since you've been
so excited and concerned
about this baby,
I thought this
might be something
you'd want to do.
So did I
I mean, I always figured that
when this tiny person
took its first breath
that I would be there
but now that
it's actually happening
I realize
We're talking
major commitment here.
I've always been a free spirit.
I'm a rambling man.
I don't stick around
one place for long.
Eldin, you've been painting
my house for four years!
Okay.
Okay.
But I could have left
if I wanted to.
See, that's my point.
If I do this,
then...
Then I'm part of something
much bigger than I am.
And maybe I'd never be able
to leave again.
A child.
Is that something I really want?
All right. All right.
I understand.
As a matter of fact
I don't even know if
I'm going to take this class myself.
I'm only doing it because
my doctor wanted me to.
It'll probably be a
complete waste of time.
Wait a minute.
What are you saying?
That you're going to go into this
totally alone and unprepared?
You know what a screamer you are.
You'll probably alienate
everyone at the hospital.
Creating an environment
of hostility, bitterness
I can't let a child be born into
a room with that kind of energy.
Eldin, are you telling me
you'll do it?
I'll take the class
and see how it feels.
But that's all I can
promise right now.
Thank you.
I know what a big step
this is for you.
Are you kidding?
The last time I made
this kind of commitment
I had to buy albums a year
at regular club prices.
Before we begin
I want to congratulate you all
on choosing natural childbirth.
(clapping alone)
It's going to be one
of the most magical
and profound experiences
of your life.
All you need
is your innate ability
to love and support each other.
Oh, sure, take the cop's side.
Serious crimes are being committed
and he's stopping pregnant women
for minor traffic violations!
You made a U-turn
across lanes!
How else was I supposed to
get that parking space?
Hi, I'm sorry we're late.
Oh, it's no problem.
We were just getting started.
Honey, it's Murphy Brown.
Hey, how 'bout that.
We got a celebrity in the class.
As far as mother nature is concerned
There are no celebrities.
I don't want anyone here
thinking of me as special.
Okay, who are you?
I'm Murphy Brown.
I'm on television.
I do the news.
I was on the news once.
Car came through the window of
a record store I worked at.
I was knocked all the way
into easy listening.
Maybe we should get started.
Murphy, why don't you and
Mr. Brown take a seat?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
My name is Eldin Bernecky.
I am not her husband.
I'm the house painter.
Hey, it's okay man.
As long as you love each other, right?
Oh, what a series of strange
and twisted events.
brought me to this place today.
All right.
I'll be teaching you techniques
to help alleviate the anxiety
surrounding the birth process.
One technique is to visualize something
that makes you feel secure
or happy.
What are some of the
things you'd visualize?
Elizabeth?
Well
I would picture our brilliant
and beautiful new baby
Asleep in her custom made crib
with sheets by Laura Ashley.
Good answer.
Practical, stylish, emotionally erecting
How many points
do we get for that?
Oh, we're not keeping score, Jonathan.
Lisa?
Well, I think I'd like to
visualize our little dog, Pepper
Especially, the way he wags his tail
when it's dinnertime.
That's a great image.
Sally?
My rose garden
On a sunny day.
When the beads of light
sort of dancing
on the red and pink petals.
Wonderful.
A big, fat I.V.
full of painkillers.
Will you please
work with the woman here?
You know, we're going to get to D-Day
and be totally unprepared.
Instead of being in a rose garden
with a cute, little puppy
we're going to be on a
runaway bobsled to hell.
Okay.
I think what I'm hearing here
is a little bit of fear.
After all, this is a
life-altering experience.
It's natural to
have some concerns.
Let's express our fears now.
And confront them.
Anyone?
Well, actually,
we do have some fears.
This is our first baby.
Dave and I always
concentrated on our careers and...
I was going to say that!
Well, at our age, we know it won't be easy.
But we're a team
and we're going to
face this thing together.
Excuse me, Dave.
Together?
What exactly do you mean by that?
You'll push out the baby
for a few hours while Sally
strolls across the street
to the driving range
to hit a bucket of balls.
I just want to remind everyone
I'm not her husband.
Murphy
I think all Dave is saying
is that he wants to
do whatever he can
to make it easy
for his wife.
In committing
to this process,
the birth coach takes on
tremendous responsibility.
The mother may become
completely dependent on him.
Looking to him to help her
through the most
challenging
hours of her life.
Yes. Eldin?
Uh... yeah...
I have a few questions.
Is the baby slippery
when it comes out?
And will I be wearing a glove
or some sort of mitt
to catch the baby?
Has anyone ever
dropped the baby?
Can the baby see?
Like, if I was to take off?
Would it remember that
later in life?
You're going
to do fine, Eldin.
Huh?
I was on the phone with Robbie.
He and Lisa had their baby.
Great!
Wait a minute.
What do you mean,
they had their baby?
She's not due until
the week after I am.
This might be a good time
to remind everyone--
That a due date is
just an approximation.
The important thing is
that Robbie and Lisa came through
with flying colors.
Oh, yeah?
Let's hear some specifics.
How long did it take?
Not...
Unusually Long.
For a first baby.
What does that mean?
hours?
? ?
.
Did you hear that?
Hours!
That's a bus ride
to Boise.
You know Dave,
this may be tougher
than we thought.
Gee, no kidding.
Tell me Dave--
Have you ever tried to
get out of your car
through the exhaust pipe?
Why don't we practice
the breathing techniques
we learned last week?
Let's start with the pattern
for active labor?
Okay, what do we do?
Oh, I see--
You don't pay attention.
You don't read the literature.
Then expect me to
come to your aid.
Eldin, would you please?
Okay, you do this.
He, he, he.
Ho.
Come on.
That can't be right.
He, he, he.
What are you doing?
He, he, he, he.
Stop watching me.
He, he, he.
Chris, she's copying us!
I was not.
I was simply
admiring their technique.
Maybe there's
something I can do
to show you how
important all this is.
Get comfortable, everybody.
We're going to look
at a film now.
Oh, boy.
Movies...
The first signs appear.
The first sensations are felt.
You're about to begin
your labor of love.
Hang in there, honey.
You're doing great.
(scream)
(baby crying)
She's beautiful, honey.
And so are you.
So there you have it.
The birth experience.
Up close and personal.
It's one thing to talk
about it in theory.
And another to actually
witness the process
with all its wonders...
What the hell was that?!
Did you see that?
Did you see that
enormous, real, live
human being
come out of that woman?
That's going to be me!
That's going to be all of us.
It already
happened to Lisa.
Who knows who's next?
We're dropping like flies.
Yes!
The film usually makes an impact
the way no other tool can.
Forget about the film.
I've got to go over the
breathing exercises.
Right now.
And after that
I need to review
the birthing positions.
I can't remember if you...
Come on.
We covered
that stuff already.
You know, Dave,
you've got an awful lot to say
for somebody
without a uterus.
All right now,
let's buckle down here.
Transition labor.
Who can tell me what that is?
I'm sorry, Murphy.
It's almost : .
Time to call an end
to our training.
I hope you all found the class helpful
and I wish you the best of luck.
Luck?
I paid good money for this class.
If this was about luck
I'd be having this baby
on the crap table at Caesar's.
I need more training.
I have a lot of questions!
Thanks a lot, Chris.
I learned a lot.
Okay, okay.
Now during active labor
I can stand, walk,
sit in a rocking chair...
We'll tell you how it all goes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I'm four centimeters...
I have how many minutes to..?
You were an excellent teacher, Chris.
I feel totally prepared.
Oh, will you stop sucking up?
I'm in the middle of a question here.
I'm going to video tape
the whole thing.
I'll send you a copy.
Great, I'll add it to my library.
So long.
Well, goodbye.
No! No, wait. You can't leave.
I'm having a baby.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe you should
take another class.
Yes! Another class.
That's exactly what I need.
When are you teaching again?
Murphy?
May I tell you something?
I'd rather give birth to a
-ton flat bed truck
than to go through
another class with you.
No, no.
That's not enough.
A -ton truck
loaded with farm equipment.
No, no, no.
Loaded with one of those big
tractor things they use to pull
the space shuttle onto the launch pad.
You can't drive it,
it's so big.
Okay, okay.
I get the point.
You'd rather not.
Eldin,
it was nice meeting you.
And good luck.
You're going to need it.
Oh, God.
This...
This is incredible.
For the past months
I've been going along,
saying I'm fine.
But this is really going to happen.
Eldin
I don't know if
I'm ready for this baby.
You don't know?
What about me?
I came to this class
expecting to figure some things out.
Look at me.
I can't even figure out how
to get this baby out
of this stupid sweater.
Why do I always act
like such a jerk?
I make fun of love and togetherness
and all that stuff.
I guess it just
makes me uncomfortable.
I've always done things
on my own.
And usually...
It's been okay.
But...
I don't know.
Maybe I've finally hit
that place in my life where...
It's time to admit
I need somebody.
Eldin, I'd like that somebody
to be you.
You know
As an artist I tend
to look at people as
works in progress.
Some don't turn
into very much.
Others can really
surprise you.
You know, when I first met you
I thought...
You had
some interesting colors
But...
I have to be honest
I really wasn't
very impressed.
But lately those tones
have been getting much deeper.
It's a real
nice look for you.
What are you saying, Eldin?
Are you saying you'll do it?
You'll be there for me?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Thank you.
Come on.
I'll take you home.
I'm still pretty scared
about this whole thing, you know?
I know.
Just breathe.
He, he, he, he, ho.
He, he, he, he, ho.
Hang in there, honey.
You're going to do just fine.
Honey?
It was in the movie.