03x14 - Cup A' Joe

[bunniefuu]

In 1972,
a cr*ck commando unit...

was sent to prison
by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped...

from a maximum-security
stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted
by the government...

they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them...

maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Pickup, Patty.

If I'm lying, I'm dying, Patty.

So anyway, this big old possum
about the size of a Doberman.

He was big.

He come scooting out from
underneath the front axle.

I don't know, I guess he was up
there where the exhaust is...

'cause it's kind
of warm up there.

He probably fell asleep,
I don't know.

- Anyway, he comes scooting out...
- Yeah.

...grabbed my cheeseburger
and took off.

He takes off
like a turpentine cat.

Might near scared me to death.

Biggest darn possum I ever
did see in my whole life.

Skeeter, all I can say is, I'm
glad you haven't deserted us.

Not in a million years, honey.

You know what I can't figure out?
I just can't figure out how...

that Cactus Jack Slater can get
away with this here thing?

Come on, Skeeter, he's got
a lot of nasty friends.

I guess most people just
rather not have any trouble.

They stay away.

- He's busted up a couple of rigs.
- He has?

And put the word out
this place is off limits.

How come you folks haven't gone
down to Sheriff's office...

and sworn out a complaint
or something?

It's just our word against his.

I don't think
a piece of paper...

is gonna stop someone
like Slater, do you?

Coffee? We got a special on ham and eggs.
What can I get you?

Tell you what I'd like, darling.

I'd like to talk
to your mom and dad.

Think you can arrange
that for me?

Actually, they're kind
of busy right now.

Is that so? Oh, what a mess.
Coffee all over the counter.

Why, that's no way
to treat a lady.

Why don't you just get out
of our restaurant, Slater.

Why don't you guys just...

get on out of here
like she asked you to?

Don't push me.

Now...

I believe I was asking if I
could talk to your mom and dad.

Slater, get out
before I call the Sheriff.

And take that trash with you.

I come in here
to make you my final offer...

for this place and what happens?

Folks start pointing g*ns at me.

Get out.
I'm not gonna say it again.

Come on, boys. I don't
think we're welcome here.

Joe!

I'd say you need a little
lesson in manners, old man.

Why don't we all pay
a little visit to the kitchen?

See what these folks
have on the menu.

Look at that. Your dishes
are all blown to hell.

I hear these grills
get up to 300 degrees.

I want this place, old man.

I want it real bad.

You're out of business, Joe.
You're closed down.

I'm not surprised that the
A-Team turned us down.

It was worth
a sh*t though, Skeeter.

It was either that
or sell out to Slater.

Yeah, I guess so.

With Pop in the hospital,
we can't fight Slater alone.

Now, it looks like
we got to sell.

I don't get it. We followed
the directions perfectly.

Did exactly what the Chinese
man said, and no A-Team.

Yeah, I know, Patty.

But I hear they're real particular
about who they work for.

We can't give up.

All right, maybe this one
is a dead end...

but we'll find a way
to stop Slater.

What's that?

What happened?

There's a rock slide about a
quarter mile down the road.

You'll have to take a detour.

- Isn't there any way around?
- Nope. Not on this road.

Nice truck they got there...

hauling a big load
of juicy, red apples.

Well...

congratulations, Miss Dutton.
You just found the A-Team.

We had to be sure you weren't
hauling anything except apples.

And not a bunch
of m*llitary police.

- But I thought that--
- Well, you can't be too careful.

Oh, lordy be,
I can't believe this.

I'll be a cat's tail tied to
a string of firecrackers.

Are you guys really the A-Team?
We found the A-Team?

All my friends call me Skeeter.

It's 'cause I'm so quick.
I sure am glad to meet you.

- I'm Hannibal Smith.
- Hello.

This is B.A. Baracus.

Oh.

That's Faceman and Murdock's
reading the cookbook.

You tell me
if I'm right or wrong now.

A tray of Rock Cornish
Game Hens should be basted...

every 25 minutes until they
are a golden brown, right?

We can talk
about the stuffing later.

He heard you ran a diner.

Now, you told Mr. Lee
that some cowboy...

is trying to run you
out of business?

Cactus Jack Slater.

He owns a string of coffee
shops along the lnterstate.

Stale bread, lousy burgers,
cold coffee.

Sounds like
he should open an airline.

If you've just got a small
family business...

what would make someone
like Slater...

be willing to put up
the money to buy you out?

We can't figure it. God knows
we're not getting rich at it.

Whatever reason Slater has for wanting
to take over our diner, he means to.

He's scared away
most of our regulars...

and put my father
in the hospital.

Well, slime balls like Slater are
tough but we can handle them.

I don't think we can afford
to hire you, Mr. Smith.

Well, your daughter already
gave us $10,000, ma'am.

Patty, that's your life savings.

It's nothing
without you and Dad...

having a place of your own
to work and live.

Our diner is all we have.

I just can't believe this.
Imagine me...

standing around
jawing with the A-Team.

Well, first thing we have to do
is take a look at your place.

So, let's all mount up
and move out. Okay?

I've seen worse, Hannibal.
Give me a couple of hours...

and some tools...

get rid of Murdock, and I'll have
this place looking like new.

Man, I am telling you. I mean, here I
am reading up on how to prepare food...

so that we can run
this diner properly...

and that's the thanks I get.

"Get rid of Murdock."

Okay, then. You take
care of the food...

and I'll handle
the mechanical stuff.

Right, right.

Look at you, skinny as a rail.

Looks like you could use
some good home cooking.

No, you don't.

Save your appetite for dinner.

We have a problem.

Our next delivery isn't till
the end of the week.

- Well, what do you need?
- Excuse me, Colonel. Excuse me, ma'am.

Since I'm sort of captain
of the galley...

I took responsibility
upon myself...

to make up a list
of the things that we need.

It is the only way
that Chef Murdock...

can create culinary wonders
that titillate the palate.

Right. Now, would you give us a
rundown on Slater's operation?

He's got three diners.
One over here on I-Five...

another one on the other
side of the junction...

and one just outside of Barstow.

He has an office
in his main warehouse...

about 30 miles south of
here over in East County.

Face, we're gonna need a picture
of one of Slater's trucks.

Right.

And Skeeter,
I'd like to borrow your rig.

What're you gonna do?

Grocery shopping.

Well, it's a little loud
for my tastes, Colonel.

But I do like
the home cooking aspect.

It sort of suits my style.

Wait till you see the recipes...

that chef Murdock is going to
pull from his secret file.

- What? Eggs over easy?
- No, no, no, no, no.

We're going to hash a
little trash, after mash.

We're gonna
add a little spice...

make it real nice.

Turn up the heat,
get ready to eat.

You're gonna eat this
if you don't shut up.

Now we got the truck. Now all
we have to do is stop theirs.

- Yeah, how we gonna do that?
- Face, you will think of a way.

Thanks for stopping.
I didn't know what to do.

- What's the matter?
- She just d*ed.

You think maybe it could be
something electrical?

I was meaning to get a tune up.

How's it look, B.A.?

The fool is under the truck.

I hope he know what he's doing.

Well, you might be surprised
at what old Murdock knows.

Now I get the feeling
more and more...

that his brain works
on many different levels.

Like layers, peeling away one
after the other, exposing...

new and wondrous aspects
of H. M. Murdock.

- That's very poetic, Face.
- I thought so.

Poetic?
You mean pathetic.

You peel off Murdock's brain,
you get nothing but Jell-O.

He thinks he's a French chef.

He's gonna poison us
with his cooking.

Now B.A., where's your
sense of adventure?

Well, could be your regulator
shorted out a couple of fuses.

But I got a schedule to keep.

Is he done yet?

Yeah, here the fool come.
Hurry up.

Voila!

I have taken the vavoom
out of the locomotion.

In other words, that truck is
ain't, like going nowhere.

You know what I mean, Colonel?

I mean, it is a stone gathering no moss.
Catch my drift?

B.A., let's go
do some shopping.

Next gas station I pass, I'll
send a tow truck back for you.

Can you believe this?

What's wrong?

It was running fine. I just
had this baby worked on.

Where you going? Got to pick up
a load for the Barstow diner.

Okay, pull it on through.

Let's get it loaded.

Peaches. Check.

Limas. Check.

Apple sauce. Check.

Got your coffee. Check.

Murdock, we really could
use a hand out there.

I'll be with you
in a minute, Colonel.

I just got to inventory
these babies here.

Peaches, check.
Murdock?

- You wanna trade jobs?
- No, I wouldn't, thank you.

Oatmeal, check. Peanuts...

B.A., you ain't seen a box outside
marked roasted peanuts, have you?

I hate to use parsley as a garnish
on my omelets. You know what I mean?

I mean, every old coffee shop
you stop at uses parsley.

Right next to that little, thin
slice of orange with their omelets.

I thought I'd try
something different.

With peanuts, you got your
shape, you got your texture.

You look good eating peanuts.
You'd look good eating peanuts.

They look good right next to those limas.
Don't you think so?

Shut up, fool! We got
enough nuts around here.

If you don't get out there and
start lifting some things...

I'm gonna turn you and baste you
till you're black and blue.

Now, come on now. Go.

B.A...

that was inspirational.

We expecting a truck
this afternoon?

Yeah, but it was supposed
to be Daly.

I don't recognize those guys.

What the hell's going on
out there?

- Hey!
- Let's get out of here.

I wanna talk to you guys.

Get me the main gate.

- Front gate.
- Yeah, I want that truck stopped.

Yes, sir, Mr. Slater.

He wants us to hold that truck.

Stand on it, B.A.

Hi, Warren Havinhurst
of Mutual Home lnsurance.

All right, go ahead.

Some guys painted my logo
on the side of a truck.

Well, I don't understand it.

Well, if I'm going to settle
this claim...

I have to have all the facts.

And who the hell are you?

Warren Havinhurst, Claims
Adjuster, Mutual Home lnsurance.

Boy, you know,
it's a good thing...

I was in the area
when my office called.

You see, I was scheduled to
drive up to Bakersfield, but...

well, I managed
to rearrange my schedule...

and get over here
as soon as I could.

I didn't call
any insurance company.

Yeah. Well,
somebody in your office...

probably did and
it's a good thing, too.

What's he doing going
through all these files?

He was just looking
at the new shopping center.

Oh, I see you're building
yourself quite a little complex.

Now, Mr. Slater, my company
happens to have...

an all inclusive
commercial insurance--

I want you to put these files
back right away.

Now, look...

I told you I didn't call
any Claims Adjuster.

You didn't? Oh, man!

Look, I'm terribly sorry. There
must be some mistake. I...

My secretary must have given
me the wrong address. I...

Here's a little something our
office is giving out. Here.

I got to make another call.

Some guy backed a car
through a garage...

right into his swimming pool.
Unbelievable, huh?

Right. Well, good luck with
your business. Excuse me.

All right.

Get the rest of the boys.

We're going back
to the Cup A' Joe.

If those guys think
some hamburger patties...

and a couple of cans of beans...

can put them back in business,
they're crazy.

You get 86.
A hot hamburger...

double D.

All right, all right.
I'm working on the side here.

Give me a double delight,
hold the mayo.

Give me two eyes,
over and a stack of nuts.

I need a moose.

And give a mash with that, okay?

Two dogs, burn them and one
moo cow, hold the straw.

Can I get a side of skins, too?

How'd it go?

Like a charm. And you'll
be interested in this.

In Slater's office, I found the
blueprints to a new shopping center.

Diner, motels, boutiques,
the whole ball of wax.

And guess what?
The proposed location...

same address
as Cup A' Joe Diner.

- Hmm.
- Mmm-hmm.

Now why would he
wanna put the money...

into a shopping center out here?

I don't know, but you got to admit
it's a pretty central location.

The nearest interstate
is ten miles.

All you get
is local traffic here.

Anyway, hang up the suit.
Put on an apron.

Uh...

I was afraid you were going
to forget about us.

Forget about you? Me? Never.

Could you put the cups
behind the counter?

Actually, I prefer crystal.

And candlelight?
You read my mind.

Now read mine.
Cups.

Right.

What is this?

What is this, man?
Look at that.

Does this look like
100% ground sirloin? No.

Now, I told you
I need 100% ground sirloin...

for the Murdock Double
Cheeseburger Deluxe.

I gotta have lean meat.
You know that.

One other thing...

that microwave, it's gotta go.

I'm not gonna have my food heated
and reheated in that thing.

All of my food is gonna be
sauteed or pan fried. Yeah.

I'm gonna pan fry you.
You don't know how to cook.

All you're gonna do is
poison the people out there.

That's not true, man. I got my cookbook.
Where is it?

That's the type of cookbook they
use to feed crazy people like you.

Stop talking, there it is. It's got great
recipes with lots of vitamins in them.

Where are my pages?
Where are my pages?

Okay, guys, stand by.

Slater and his hot dogs
will be by any time now.

With the hash I'm slinging,
this place is gonna be cooking.

In fact, I'm thinking
of renaming this place.

Instead of Cup A' Joe, I'm gonna
call it Krakatoa, Cup A' Java.

You see that billboard, Bowers?

"Free Lunch
at Cup A' Joe's."

Look at that. Taunting me.

They're dead.

Well, how are we doing?

I've never seen it
so busy before in my life.

It pays to advertise. Especially
when Slater is paying the bill.

Let's just hope that they come
back when the food isn't free.

All right.

Now when I walk out of here, I
want these guys left in pieces.

Let's do it.

All right,
I got three sunny sides here.

Here's your BLT
with the extra mayo...

and I got five burgers
browning on the grill.

Well, would you look at this.

You know,
if you didn't know better...

you'd walk in here and think
this place had a future.

- It's got a future.
- Is that so?

- Who are you, pal?
- One, I'm not your pal...

and two,
you probably didn't notice...

but there's a sign out front...

that says the management gets
to refuse service to anyone.

Well, you're anyone.

That's right, sucker.

If you got a problem with
that, take it up with me.

Problem? I'll show you
what a problem is.

No, that's all right, folks,
nothing to worry about.

We just decided
to remodel the kitchen a bit.

Enjoy your meal.

It's not a polite thing...

to interrupt an artist at work.

- It's been fun.
- More importantly, it's been educational.

I never thought
I'd see the day...

when Cactus Jack Slater and his
boys were sent packing like that.

This time we did them over easy.

Next time, we'll scramble them.

You need a special touch to keep
these fellas from overcooking...

'cause what we're talking about
is a light, golden brown...

and it's all in the timing.

That special ability
to sense the split second...

that these
little muchachos reach...

the critical temperature,
which is 192.5 degrees.

Otherwise, what you're talking
about is plaster of Paris...

and then breaking the teeth.

You know, Murdock, you'd make
somebody an excellent wife.

Have you seen my paprika?
I need my paprika.

I'm out of paprika.

Is that bad?

I'm ruined.

Without my paprika, I can't
powder my macaroni salad.

Without paprika I can't
season my hash browns.

Without paprika I can't serve my eggs.
Without paprika--

All right, all right, all right
Murdock, I get the point.

Could you do me a favor?

Could you go out and ask B.A. to rummage
around in them cartons out there...

and see if he can find
any paprika?

You want me to go out
and ask B.A. for paprika?

Remember that girl
you had me call?

Paprika.

B.A., Murdock says he needs some
paprika for the old hash browns.

Paprika?
Yeah, look under spices.

Yeah, you know I've been in
there giving Murdock a hand.

You know, just the two of us, hovering
over the grill, side by side.

And I gotta tell you,
he's very impressive.

Yeah, you ought to give him
a chance.

I ain't getting along with nobody.
Especially Murdock.

I'm just tolerating him
to keep the diner open.

But the fool
is driving me crazy.

Asking for this,
asking for that...

flipping omelets, turning
bacon, and slapping burgers.

Fool think
he's the Galloping Gourmet.

Well, I don't know, B.A.
You know...

you might learn a little
something from Murdock.

I mean, you gotta admit, those crepes
this morning he made for breakfast...

they weren't half bad.
I mean, I even had seconds.

Yeah, they reminded me of the
ones Susie used to make.

You're talking scared, Harry.
I don't like that.

Sure, I'm scared.
Wouldn't you be?

You said you'd have that diner by this
time and you said there'd be no problems.

That's the only reason
I got involved in this.

Wrong, Kaplan.

When you changed
the blueprints...

and put in an off ramp
by the Cup A' Joe...

you knew it would turn
into a goldmine.

That's why you got involved
in this.

All right, what about these
guys Dutton's hired?

- They could ruin everything.
- They won't.

They had their punch,
now it's my turn.

- What do you mean?
- I know a couple of boys in demolition.

I'm gonna arrange a little
surprise for these guys.

A surprise that goes boom.

Man, it sounds like this guy's
coming back to blow us up.

A pleasant thought.

If there's going to be
a souffle that goes boom...

someone should tell this guy
the A-Team will make it.

I'll second that, Murdock.

The only way to guard
against expl*sives...

is to get to them
before they go off.

And how're we gonna do that if
we don't know where they are?

You get an expl*sives detector.

Is this the right outfit,
Murdock?

I don't know. I feel like
I've seen myself before.

I feel strangely powerful.

Col. Mylowe, Fifth Armored
b*mb Disposal Unit.

Sir.

I want your best expl*sive sniffing
animal and I want him now.

Does the Colonel have written
authority for such a request?

Soldier, are we gonna stand here
and argue over a piece of paper...

when hundreds of lives
are on the line?

- I don't understand, sir.
- You don't understand.

I hate to break security.

I believe, Colonel,
in this instance...

that security
is not an essential factor.

Right.

Soldier, what I'm about to tell
you is highly classified...

and intended for your ears only.
Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

Somehow, someone, or some highly
organized group of individuals...

has managed to plant a b*mb in the
Hungarian Ambassador's residence.

If that b*mb is not
dismantled, soldier...

we are talking
Hungarian goulash.

We have less than 60 minutes to
find and defuse that device.

Now, Sgt. Murdock here has
already begun the search...

but unfortunately, his canine
expl*sives detector...

was k*lled in the line of duty.
What was his name?

Leader.
Imon, the Leader.

He was on the force
for 13 years.

He was sniffing petunias
when suddenly...

ka-boom!

Dead dog.

Last thing he said to me was...

Now, Sergeant, we're running
out of valuable time here.

Yes, sir.

This is Sgt. Burlow. Send
over Shotgun, on the double.

Listen, Shotgun...

you're not giving me 100%.
Now listen to this.

That is sniffing.
You hear? Listen again.

That's sniffing. You're acting
like you're looking for trash.

We're talking
about expl*sives here.

All right, turn around. See this dude here?
See that dude in the gold?

Well, you just remember this...

if you don't do your job,
he invented Shepherd's Pie.

The fool gonna make
that dog crazy like him.

Oh, I don't know. Murdock's
got a way with animals.

Yeah, you right. They're the
only ones that understand him.

Colonel, looks like
these guys came in...

with more than just an appetite.

- Get that dog on them.
- Yeah, right.

Come along, Shotgun.
Come on.

- Here we go.
- Do your job, boy.

Sniff.

Ain't there health laws
about having a dog in here?

Depends on whose health
you're talking about.

Put your hands up.
Move over there.

All right,
now what's in the lunch box?

- You guys are crazy.
- Oh, yeah.

It's gelignite, Hannibal.
It's a decoy.

B.A.,
look at that dog outside.

Murdock, keep them covered.
Come on, B.A.

There's expl*sives
in that truck.

Where's he going
with that truck?

Only as far as he has to.
Come on.

- I'm a failure.
- Murdock.

- What happened?
- I'm a failure, man, I don't know.

It's all right, we understand.

I got hit from the blind
side, I don't know.

Yeah?

Howdy.

I got the girl and her old lady.

Everything I need to make Joe
Dutton sign over the diner.

Now, if you wanna see them
breathing again...

take a hike.

That was Slater.
He's got Edith and Patty.

I'm sorry.

Slater doesn't get the diner...

until he gets Joe Dutton
to sign over the papers on it.

Yeah, well, I hate to
admit it, Hannibal...

but it looks to me like
Slater is holding four aces.

And that's a hard hand
to b*at, Hannibal.

Not if you draw into a
straight flush, Sergeant.

You talked to your wife
and kid on the phone.

If you want to see them in one piece,
you'll sign right on the line.

Mr. Slater? It's Bowers.
Dutton just signed the papers.

All right, now listen.

Take care of Dutton,
then meet us back here.

You just retired
from the diner business.

Permanently.

Speaking about retirement...

I figure you're both worth
about 20 years.

These gentlemen
are going to tell us...

where Slater took
Patty and her mother.

And Slater's not going anywhere
without this paper I signed.

This gives us plenty of time
to build him a big surprise.

Right on.

Well, what do you think, B.A.?

Give me about a half an hour,
I'll have it back on the road.

A half an hour? Yeah, I agree
with the big guy, Colonel.

I mean, a roast may look
b*rned on the outside...

but inside it's medium rare.

Medium rare? Food, food.
I'm talking about food.

Well, guys, what do you
say we pay them a visit?

Well...

when Bowers gets back here with that
piece of paper your old man signed...

the Cup A' Joe is mine.

You'll never get away
with this, Slater.

My daughter's right.
Someone will go for help.

Is that right?

Who?

By now, Joe Dutton is history.

And those four cowboys
you hired...

guys with machine g*ns
don't go to the police.

Tillis...

take these two ladies out of
here and get rid of them.

- How are you two?
- Fine. My father?

He's fine. We've moved him to
another room in the hospital.

The original Cactus Jack's.

You know, Hannibal, I want to
remember it just as it is.

Yeah.

It does have a certain ambiance.

This is great. Terrific. Well,
it feels good to be home.

We sure owe you
a lot, Mr. Smith.

I was beginning to like
the restaurant business.

- Learned a lot of new recipes.
- Recipes? I don't understand.

Well, like the one we just
finished, Jailhouse Stew.

You got Slater, a crooked county
surveyor, add six hoodlums...

you put them in the slammer
and simmer them for 20 years.

Candlelight and crystal,
remember?

How could I forget?

- Just promise me no coffee shops, okay?
- You got it.

Oh, by the way, before I forget.
There's your change.

- What?
- Yeah.

What's this?

Well, this is the receipt
here, you see.

You had four team members
for 48 hours...

you had three Mini-14s at $100 a
day rental, miscellaneous a*mo...

and one cookbook
to replace the cookbook...

that Murdock lost
in the line of duty.

And, well, that comes to $3,650.
Rounded off.

Now, you subtract that
from the $10,000 deposit...

and that leaves
$6,350 returned to you.

B.A., this is not
the way to do it.

Be cool, man.
I know what I'm doing.

Chili is a delicate balance...

of beans, meat and of herbs.

Everything must be
in their proper proportion.

Quiet, let me cook.
I call this B.A.'s chili.

Well, what do you think?

It's not bad.
In fact, it's pretty good.

It's also pretty hot.