04x18 - Higher Anxiety

[bunniefuu]

Hi-de-ho, luscious lips.

I'm ready for our date.

I brought you fragrant flowers
and mouthwatering candy.

Don't thank me now.

Wait till we get in my car.

Steve, we don't
have a date tonight.

Oh, all right. I was bluffing. I
was hoping you'd think you forgot.

Steve, I think I'd
remember going insane.

Now, I'm going to the
movies with Maxine...

and if you follow me in
that little toy you call a car...

I'll stomp on it like
it's a paper cup.

Whoa, mama. I bet
you could do it too, baby.

Hey, my best bud, Eddo.

It's Saturday night...

let's wail, let's boogie, let's
get down with our bad selves.

No can do. I'm going
out with Oneisha tonight.

Again?

Steve, she is the girl I've
waited my whole life to find.

That's how it is
with me and Laura.

Yeah, except Oneisha is willing
to be seen with me in public.

Nitpicker.

- Hi, Oneisha.
- Hi, Eddie.

For you.

Eddie, you're so thoughtful.

- Oh, baby.
- What, what, what?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, those are mine.
Hey, I paid for those...

Hi, Eddie.

Oneisha.

Steve, we're kind
of busy right now.

Well, this is urgent. I have
info you need to know, pronto.

What is it?

Well, I can't say
it in front of her.

Hey, you can say anything you
have to say in front of Oneisha.

Okay.

Last night, Waldo and I went to
Paul's Pizza & Pudding Parlor...

and we saw Oneisha and Joey
Newman making out in the parking lot.

Wha...? Whoa. Eddo, Eddo, Eddo!

That's a lie. Right?

Uh... No. It's the truth.

Oh. I'm seeing dots.

Oneisha, how could you kiss me tonight
after you kissed some other guy last night?

It wasn't easy.

It made me feel kind of false.

Man, I don't believe this.

I loved you with all
my heart and soul.

And you're a nice person too.

Oneisha, you cheated on me.

We're through. I don't
ever want to see you again.

Okay.

Fletcher, I didn't know
you played college football.

Oh, that was a long time ago.
They used to call me "Swivel Hips."

Some of us still do.

- Mother Winslow.
- Hmm?

Why don't we go in the
kitchen and make some coffee?

Good idea.

I'll only be a moment, sugar.

Okay.

So...

So?

Nice restaurant.

Yep.

Great food.

Yep.

Yep.

How about that salad bar?

- Hey.
- Yeah.

What's the matter, Carl?

You've been giving me
the cold shoulder all night.

Well, since you brought it up...

you know, I'm a little upset.

You had your arm around
my mother all night long.

I was merely showing affection.

Affection? Heh.

I saw you two over
by the salad bar.

You steamed up the sneeze guard.

It was just a little kiss.

You bent her
backwards into the food.

We'll be picking Baco-Bits
out of her hair for weeks.

Carl, your mother and I share
a strong passion for each other.

I'm sorry if that upsets you.

Alrighty...

coffee will be
ready in a minute.

- Who wants dessert? Fletcher?
- In a minute, darling.

Right now, I have an early
birthday present for you.

- How romantic.
- Can it, Harriette.

Estelle, on our very
first date, you said

there was something
you always wanted to do...

- but never got around to it.
- Mm-hm.

Well, you and I are
going to do it together.

- Oh, you mean...?
- Ha-ha-ha. Yep.

We're going whitewater
rafting down the Colorado River.

Oh, Fletcher.

Oh, what a great present.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. Here,
here, here. Wait a minute.

This is a one-day
trip, isn't it?

No. This is a seven-day trip.

He'll be shacking
up with my mom.

Oh, Carl, look. A
postcard from your mother.

Oh, what, you mean she stopped
playing kissy face long enough to write?

Carl, could I offer you
some constructive criticism?

- Sure.
- You're a jackass.

Oh, well, now,
that's constructive.

Your mother's in love.

Fletcher makes her happy.

But are you happy for her? No.

You complain, you criticize and
you poke fun. You're hurting her, Carl.

Hey, you don't
think I'm hurting?

I mean, every time I see
my mother with that Fletcher...

it reminds me how painful
it was when I lost my dad.

Carl.

Honey, I understand that.

But your mother's made a choice.

She wants your approval.

And if you don't give it to
her, you may lose her too.

Only 90 braided chains are left.

The perfect gift for
the lady you love.

Hi-de-ho, couch spud.

Hi, Steve.

- Hey, Waldo.
- What's up?

Eddo, put on your glad rags
and throw on some fine vines.

We're going to a party.

Thanks, Steve, but
I'm not in the mood.

Hey, this is no ordinary party.
This is industrial-strength...

screaming stereo, flashing lights, girls
in tight dresses, hubba-hubba mega fun.

Yeah, thanks,
but I'll... I'll pass.

It's a housewarming
party for Conway Arbuckle.

He's moved into
apartment downtown.

No, thanks, guys.

Gosh, darn it, Mr. Sad Sack.

Stop being such a Gloomy Gus.

You're pathetic.

Well, guys, it's just that
I miss Oneisha so much.

Oh, come on, pal. No girl
is worth all this suffering.

You're coming with us or else.

Or else what? You're
gonna drag me to the party?

Nope. We're too
clever to use v*olence.

If you don't come to this party,
we're going to sit here with you...

all night long.

Macadamia nut, Waldo?

- Ah. The Hawaiian treat.
- Oh.

- Thank you ever so much.
- But of course.

Oh, man.

Get out of here.

I used a whole one.

I'll go change my clothes.

There you are, Eddo.

Waldo, he's out here
on the fire escape.

You're missing a great party.

I just wanted to
get some fresh air.

But the Cooper twins are gonna
show everybody where they're different.

You guys go ahead.

It's impossible for me to
have fun without Oneisha.

I miss her too much.

Eddo...

you look sadder than my
parents on the day I was born.

Yeah. Snap out of it. Why don't you do
what we Faldos do when we get depressed?

- What's that?
- We do the hokey pokey.

You put your right hand in
You put your right hand out

You put your right hand in
And you shake it all about

You do the Hokey Pokey
And you turn yourself around

That's what it's all about

That's supposed to cheer me up?

Hey, I'm smiling.

Guys, listen.

I never loved a girl the
way I loved Oneisha.

My heart is broken.

I feel so bad I can barely
think of a reason to go on at all.

You put your right thumb in
You put your right thumb out

You put your right thumb
in And you shake it all about

Come on, Eddo. Give it a sh*t.

You do the Hokey Pokey
And you turn yourself around

That's what it's all about

What's that?

Get off me.

- Help.
- Somebody.

Anybody.

- Uh... Gentlemen?
- Yeah?

We're gonna die, we're
gonna die, we're gonna die!

No, we're not. Steve,
Steve, we're not gonna die.

Now very carefully and very slowly, let's
inch our way back up to the window, okay?

- No prob, Bob.
- Okay, all right, okay, move.

Oh! EDWARD: Whoa!

I take it back. We
got a big prob, Bob.

Fair warning. I may barf.

Look, don't panic, Steve.
Let's just climb to the top, okay?

Where's Steve?

Oh, my God.

- Steve!
- Steve!

What?

Can I have a little help here?

Ah! Oh.

Now what?

We gotta get this thing level.

Well, I'm gonna climb
up to the other end.

Okay, Steve...

- when I yell go, you hop into the window.
- All right.

- And Waldo?
- What's up?

Go to the other end,
act as a counterweight.

- Cool.
- Okay, Steve.

Go. STEVE: Ahh!

- Okay, Waldo.
- What's up?

When I give you the word, move as
fast as you can and get into the window.

- Go.
- Is that the word?

Yes.

- The word's "yes"?
- Run.

I'm not waiting for you to decide
which word to use. I'm going.

- Eddie?
- Yeah?

The next time you get depressed,
could you do it in a basement?

You know something, guys...

a few minutes ago, I was out on that
fire escape feeling like my life was over.

I felt dead inside.

I mean, I thought losing Oneisha was
the worst thing that could happen to me.

But when the fire escape
gave way, I realized

that falling 15 stories
was a lot worse.

I wanted to live.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Oh.

Hi, Oneisha. Hi, Joey.

Joey's upset. A big metal
ladder landed on his new car.

Yes.

Well, I think the Colorado
River got smaller today.

- It did?
- Yup.

I swallowed half of it.

Oh, Fletcher...

this trip is the nicest present
anyone has ever given to me.

I thought you might like it.

Well...

it's back to the
real world tomorrow.

Yeah.

You know, Estelle...

when I think back at the best moments
of my life for the past few years...

they're always with you.

Honey, I feel the same way.

That's why I want to make sure
wonderful moments like this never end.

- Bear with me now.
- Uh-huh.

What you're up to?

- Estelle...
- Hmm?

I love you more
than words can say.

You can make me the
happiest man in the world...

if you would consent
to be my bride.

Estelle... will you marry me?

Oh, Fletcher.

Yes, I'll marry you, honey.

Oh...

It's beautiful, Fletcher.

I thought we'd get a
place near our families.

That way we can visit
them as often as we like.

- Honey, you think of everything.
- Not quite.

I have no idea how
I'm gonna get back up.

Take your time.

Oh, sorry we're late.

Hello, Mother Winslow.

That airline almost
lost my inflatable raft.

Fletcher, I'm glad you're back.
I've got something to say to you.

Well, what's on your mind?

Well, I realize I haven't
been very nice to you lately.

Actually, I've never been nice to you.
- Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

But while you were gone...

I've done some thinking...

and I realize that you're
very special to my mother.

And if you're special to her
then you should be special to me.

- Friends?
- Friends.

Oh, I'm so glad you
two are getting along.

So am I.

Because...

Fletcher and I are
getting married.

- Oh, Mother Winslow.
- Ha-ha-ha.

- What? FLETCHER:
Look out, the raft!

Did I do that?

Oh. Honey, what a great meal.

I am crazy about meatball night.

Well, I'm bushed.

I just wanna plop down in
front of the tube and veg out.

Me too.

- Me three.
- Me four.

And me five.

You know, PBS has a
scintillating documentary...

on how human health
can be enhanced by mucus.

Let's go out.

- Where?
- Anywhere.

- We'll decide in the car.
- We don't wanna be late.

Oh. I wonder how they
got the camera in there.