04x19 - Mama's Wedding

[bunniefuu]

- What's the big announcement, Grandma?
- Steve isn't here yet.

I called his house and his mom said
he's still in the shower, so go ahead.

- Well, all right.
- What's up, Winslows?

So, what's the skinny?

Estelle and I have set
the date for our wedding.

So, Grandma, are you
gonna be a June bride?

Not exactly, honey.

We'd like to get
hitched sooner than that.

- How much sooner?
- In two weeks.

Hey! I already had a shower.

Mother, it will take a miracle to
pull off a wedding in two weeks.

What's the rush? You're not
in the family way, are you?

That would really be a miracle.

The reason why we're moving so fast is we
have a terrific deal on a honeymoon cruise.

Great. Where you guys going?

Who cares? We'll be in the
stateroom the whole time.

- Mother.
- Oh, loosen up, Carl.

It's a Caribbean cruise, and
it leaves in two weeks, honey.

Look, folks, we don't want a lot
of fuss, just a simple ceremony.

Wait, wait. Hold
it, hold it. Time out.

This is my mother
we're talking about here.

- I want her wedding to be spectacular.
- But, Carl, I'm trying to...

Mom, I want a big,
traditional wedding for you.

Big church, reception
at Chez Josephine's...

ten-piece orchestra, the works.
We'll invite everybody we know.

I'll be there.

On the other hand, we should
draw the line somewhere.

Okay, you can come too.

Eight seconds left. The Hoyas
and the Blue Devils are tied.

Inbound pass over to Jenkins.

- Ooh, yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

He sh**t! Swish! The Hoyas win!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Get off me!

Did I do that?

- Hi, guys. EDDIE:
Hey, Mom and Dad.

Okay, Harriette, we've reserved
the church for the wedding.

I have to call the caterers,
and you have to call the florist.

Carl, it's only been three
days and I'm exhausted already.

Hang in there, honey. We're
gonna relax after the wedding.

We are? CARL: Mm-hm.

Sgt. Grunwald is loaning us
his cabin at Lake Waxahachie.

At a really good price too.

- How much?
- Free.

I like that price.

Goodness gracious. I
am shocked and dismayed.

What are you talking about?

Your parents are just
now getting married.

No, man, my grandmother
is getting married.

Oh, my God.

It's worse than I thought.

It's frightening.

Soon, you'll be able to vote.

- Yo, Einstein flash.
- What is it, Weasel?

Your parents are gonna be
gone for a whole weekend.

That means we can get stupid.

- We can?
- Relax, Waldo. You're already there.

We can have a flyer party.

What in the name of my
Aunt Annie is a flyer party?

You print up flyers, pass them
around the neighborhood...

and then charge
15 bucks to get in.

Even us? WEASEL: No.

Dang.

We'll only charge you 10.

Cool.

- A flyer party. I like that.
- Me too.

I have some doubts.

- Care to hear them?
- No.

Look, Waldo, you make
up a thousand flyers.

But I'll get writer's cramp.

Make one, then xerox it.

Oh, cool.

I'll spread the word to
all the honeys. Heh, heh.

Guys, here's to a great party.

- Do it!
- Do it!

Do it.

Good news, Fletcher.

Wedding plans are
right on schedule.

It's gonna be grand.

The grandest, most spectacular ceremony
that this neighborhood has ever seen.

But it's not what
Estelle and I want.

Fletcher, your
job is to say, "I do."

And my job is to find the most
expensive way for you to say it.

But Estelle and I want
to keep things simple.

You know, Fletcher...

you keep telling me
what my mother wants.

Well, I mean, I had an idea...

You see, I think I know a
little bit better than you...

about what my own mother wants.

- Well, I just had ideas about...
- Because I am her son.

Her firstborn.

Her punkin-pooh.

Well, I was just saying that Estelle
wants a small, simple ceremony.

- Mother!
- What is it, Carl?

Fletcher seems to think I'm
going overboard with the wedding.

He says that you two want
a small, simple ceremony.

- That's right.
- Say what?

Well, we tried to tell you
before, but you wouldn't listen.

Oh. Oh, well... Well, uh...

I'm listening now.

Yeah, you two are coming
through loud and clear.

You two go ahead and have
your small, simple ceremony.

You won't get any more
interference from me. Heh, heh.

- Because I won't be there.
- But...

Carl, the caterer called with a
beverage and appetizer suggestion.

A nice Chardonnay
and liver pâté.

Harriette, my mother just informed
me that she wants a small, simple affair.

So please call the caterer back and tell
him it's Kool-Aid and cocktail weenies.

- Carl, what happened?
- I don't wanna talk about it, Harriette.

In fact, I am washing my hands
of this whole wedding business.

Carl, we need to talk.

Oh, look who's here,
the no frills bride.

He's all yours.

- Carl.
- Yes?

Did you mean what you said?

That you won't attend
your own mother's wedding?

Mama, I told you from
the very beginning...

that I wanted to give you
a big, storybook wedding.

Why didn't you say
something then?

But I thought when you found
out how expensive it was...

you'd pull back a little.

No way. I want the best.
I don't care what it costs.

But these fancy plans you're making
will put a dent in your savings, honey.

I know.

Why would you do that?

Because you are my mother.

All of my life, you
made sacrifices for me.

Mama, I can remember
you scrimping and

saving just to get the
things that I wanted.

Mama...

do you remember the time I wanted
that new bike? I was 10 years old.

- It was red, wasn't it?
- That's right.

A cherry-red Schwinn...

with headlights, an electric
horn, and big Western saddlebags.

Oh, I remember.

Your best friend,
Bobby Johnson...

he had one, and you
had to have one too.

Yeah, but Daddy said
we couldn't afford one.

But you...

you took the money you had saved for a
new dress for your high school reunion...

and you went and you
bought me that bike.

The store wanted five dollars
for delivery, so I rode it home.

I bet the neighborhood is still
talking about that wheelie you popped.

Your face lit up when
you saw that bike.

And that meant more to me
than all the dresses in the world.

I just remember that I kept...

thinking that
someday, somehow...

I was gonna pay you back.

And I thought that this
was gonna be my chance.

A big, beautiful
wedding to say thank you.

Honey, you don't have
to say thank you to me.

But I appreciate
the appreciation.

Mama.

Oh, Ma.

I'm sorry I got carried away.

You just tell me exactly what
you want, and I'll make it happen.

Well, let's see.

How about... a nice
garden ceremony?

Yeah, right here at the house.

A moonlit wedding
under the stars.

Oh, Mama, that's a great idea.

Good.

Oh, I love you, Ma.

And I love you too,
my punkin-pooh.

Come on, son. You're gonna be
late even for your own wedding.

I wanna save some
energy for my honeymoon.

- Oh, hi, Carl.
- Hi, Fletcher.

I want you to meet my
father, William Thomas.

Well, nice to meet you, sir.

My friends call me Skippy.

Oh, okay, Skippy. Heh, heh.

This is my son, Edward.

My friends call me E-Man.

Yeah.

Carl, your mother
is a fine-looking lady.

Well, thank you, sir. Thank you.

She have an older sister?

Dad.

- Carl. Fletcher.
- Hello, Steve.

Skippy.

Eddo, Eddo, Eddo!

The nuptials have
developed a slight snafu.

- What's wrong?
- Well, you remember our flyer party?

The one I am clearly on
record as being totally against?

Yeah, what about it, Steve?

Well, tell me again.

Refresh my memory.

When is that party
supposed to be?

- Next Saturday.
- Wrong, cummerbund breath.

Waldo put today's
date on the flyers.

Right now you have over 100 crazed
teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie.

What? Steve...

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

- Pardon me. Pardon me.
- Excuse me. Pardon me.

Hey, how's it going?

What's up, brother?

Waldo. How could
you mess this up?

Hey, cut me some slack. I only
got the date wrong on one flyer.

My mom is the one
who really messed up.

She xeroxed it over and
over and over and over...

- Over and over and over.
- Eddo! Eddo! Easy. Easy, Eddo.

Yeah, chill. Observiate
the bright side.

Bright side? What
bright side, Weasel?

Look at this.

Fifteen hundred dead presidents.

And the homies
are still coming in.

Get rid of them. This is my
grandmother's wedding and...

Fifteen hundred?

No, no, no. This isn't right.

These kids will ruin
everything. They gotta go.

Come on, loosen up, Eduardo.

Look, I clued everybody in.

We all stand here nice and quiet
until gramps and granny make it legal.

Then we partay!

See? No problem.

- Edward.
- Problem.

- Heh.
- Edward...

- who are all these kids?
- Oh.

Caterer trainees.

Try again.

Oh, Fletcher has a bigger
family than we thought. Heh, heh.

Why not try the truth?

Okay, Dad. Me and the
guys were gonna have...

a flyer party next Saturday
when you go out of town.

But Waldo messed up and
put the wrong date on the flyers.

All these people think
the party is tonight.

All right, right now we're
gonna have a wedding.

But directly after that
we're gonna have a funeral.

Steve, why are you
walking so slowly?

Because I want this
moment to last forever.

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here this evening...

to unite this man and this
woman in holy matrimony.

Who gives this woman away?

I do.

And by the way, I wasn't too cool
about Fletcher in the beginning...

- but after a while he grew on me and I...
- Excuse me. It wasn't an essay question.

Sister Crawford.

Inseparable

That's how we'll always be

Inseparable

Just you and me

It's so wonderful To
know you'll always be

Around Me

Inseparable

That's how it is

Inseparable

For the rest of our years

It's so wonderful to
know You'll always be

Around

Fletcher Thomas, do you take
this woman to be your wife...

for richer or poorer, in
sickness and in health...

to love and honor for as
long as you both shall live?

I do.

Estelle Winslow, do you take
this man to be your husband...

for richer or poorer, in
sickness and in health...

to love and honor for as
long as you both shall live?

Sugar, I sure do.

The ring, please.

What God has joined
together, let no man put asunder.

I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Edward.

Great wedding, huh, Dad?

You know, son, if screwing up
ever became an Olympic event...

you would win the gold.

One hundred and
fifty extra people...

at what was supposed
to be a small family affair.

Now, can you give
me one good reason...

why I shouldn't ground
you for the rest of your life?

Well, we took in 2000 dollars,
Dad, and we want you to have it.

I love you, son.

Heh, heh.

You're a fine young man.

You'll be spending the month of May in
your room, but you're a fine young man.