Frank, I'm not saying
Peter isn't arrogant
and brash
And hard
to get along with
But our audience
really responds to him.
Let me see that.
They're interested in
his choice of stories,
they admire his gutsy style,
And a surprising number
Want to see him
with his shirt off.
But how does he test
with the men?
Frank,
those are the men.
Oh, god.
Miles, the network
is taking
Seconds
off my commentary
To promote another funny
home video special?
If you weigh pounds
You have no business riding
your dog in the first place.
Jim, I am not
responsible...
This guy reports
From lebanon, iraq,
south africa--
What do they have in common?
They're all places
you can get a great suntan.
That's what people
are responding to.
Send him to alaska.
Then take off his shirt,
see who wants to look.
Could we drop this?
Tv guide has that article
On "the women
of prime-time news"
You suggested I do.
There's barbara walters,
diane sawyer, connie chung
Leslie stahl...
Wait a minute.
Who's that peeking out from
behind maria shriver's hair?
It's me.
This isn't
a publicity sh*t.
It's a where's waldo?
(Clamoring)
Stop it
right now!
Jim, I don't have
Your seconds.
Murphy, I didn't
take the picture
And frank, this obsession
with another man's chest
Is starting to affect
your work.
Here it is,
another show night.
Aren't we the luckiest
people in the world
To be doing something we love
with people we care about?
Corky? Could I see you?
(Clamoring)
Happy birthday!
Corky:
oh, my god!
Oh, you guys.
This is so sweet.
You're the best.
Every single one of you.
John, doug, brian,
leonard, other doug,
Steve, mitch, kyran,
kenny, other john...
I can't believe corky didn't
mention her birthday was tomorrow...
I can't believe
that guy's name is kenny.
He gave me the heimlich
five years ago.
I've called him george
ever since.
She could've had the decency
to drop a hint.
Everybody drops a hint.
Maybe it's not
a big deal to her.
She's two years younger than I am.
That means she's turning .
Tell me that's not
a big deal?
Okay. At the next commercial
we'll give her a cupcake.
We can't just give her a cupcake.
The crew gave her a cupcake.
We make a lot more
money than they do.
We should get her
a whole cake.
And some ice cream.
Neapolitan is
a popular choice.
We should throw her
a party.
How do you know
she even wants a party?
Maybe she's comfortable
about turning .
I don't even remember
my th birthday.
Of course not.
You were smashed
out of your mind.
But that wasn't because
it was my birthday.
Back then, I'd celebrate : .
Just because you people
Are morbidly fixated
on birthdays...
Going live in five, four,
three, two...
Good evening,
and welcome to fyi.
For your information tonight,
murphy brown reports
On the rd session
of the supreme court
Frank fontana
goes undercover
Exposing fraudulent
health care clinics
And peter hunt is on assignment
in colombia.
First, some say
the american educational system
Is a foundering ship.
Tonight, corky sherwood
introduces us
To three young americans who are
sailing a different schooner.
Corky?
Thank you, jim.
Tonight we're proud to have
with us this year's recipients
Of the national association
of teachers award
For america's
best and brightest:
Sanjay khandwhalla
Susie ahn,
and quan chang.
Your families
must be just thrilled
About your achievements.
Now, I understand that
you're all high school seniors.
How old would
that make you?
All:
seventeen.
That is such a special age.
I myself was when I was
chosen to represent louisiana
In the junior miss pageant.
It was the fulfillment
of a young girl's dream.
So what kind of dreams
do you have, susie?
I'd like to study
the burgeoning field
Of recombinant genetics.
Specifically, how it relates
to the pathology
Of neurological
diseases.
That's nice too.
You know,
it's just so hard
To sit here
with all of you
And not think about
how few years there are
Between and, oh,
or .
Or years, ms. Sherwood.
Thank you, quan.
You're just a human calculator,
aren't you?
So, looking down
the road
What would each of you
like to be doing
When those or years
have passed?
Doctor.
Medicine.
Doctor.
All doctors.
Isn't that cute?
But then what?
I would like to follow
in my father's footsteps
And be
the second khandwhalla
To win a nobel prize.
A nobel prize?
Well, that would be
A very special and wonderful
achievement, sanjay
But what about after
you win the nobel prize?
What then?
You have a nobel prize,
and you're .
Do you think
that will make you happy?
I'm not sure.
What about you, quan?
Susie,
will you be happy?
I don't know.
Haven't quite thought
this through, have you?
Looks like maybe
you're going to have
To do a little more homework
Before you're ready
for the real world, hmm?
Can't hear you,
quan.
Okay, maybe she does
need a party.
(Sobbing:)
I just want to help people.
They call themselves professional
caterers. It's no wonder our
small businesses are failing.
How did we get
in this position?
Isn't there someone
who keeps track of birthdays?
Yeah. Corky.
Oh.
I'm due at the senate.
Frank's got an :
with ralph nader.
Can we focus on showering corky
with love and attention as
quickly as possible.
So we can get on
with our lives?
I've always thought
colorful decorations
Were the key
to a festive party atmosphere.
Jim sh**t, jim scores.
I'll handle the decorations.
Wendy, can you fly
to the drugstore
Pick up some streamers, banners--
Your basic
birthday assortment.
Okay, decorations are done.
What about a cake?
I was getting to that.
What, too much cologne?
Hey, it's peter.
Everybody,
peter's back from colombia.
Isn't it good to see him?
Welcome back.
You're tracking mud.
I missed
you guys too.
I brought you
a little souvenir
From the medellin airport.
My spanish isn't
what it used to be.
It's either
a dried apricot
Or a human ear.
Neat, huh?
Thank you, peter.
How did everything go
south of the rd parallel?
What's a little dysentery,
a few minor snakebites
A strip search at gunpoint
When you can get a one-on-one
with major paolo panero?
You got footage
of panero?
I don't believe this.
Colombia's most
notorious drug lord
Exclusively on fyi.
Way to bring it home,
peter!
You got to cr*ck
the toughest rinds
To savor the sweetest fruit.
How true.
Nice tan.
It's amazing, isn't it?
Twelve hours ago
Drinking coffee
out of a rusty tin can.
Now I'm drinking swiss mocha
amaretto out of a snoopy mug.
How can you people
live like this?
Here you go, petey.
Anything to make you feel
more comfortable.
North american mud--
just not the same.
I didn't mean to imply
that you people
Live a dull life around here.
You seem to be working
on something pretty intense.
Bring me up to speed.
What's the topic?
Cake.
Cake.
Too hot for me.
I'm going back to colombia.
Yes, yes,
have your laugh
But it's corky's birthday
And we're throwing
a small celebration
Because that's the sort
of people we are.
And we're having
neapolitan ice cream.
Okay, I'm in.
I like corky.
I get a kick out of her
And I'm a part of fyi.
Well, how about that,
everybody?
Peter wants in.
Isn't that nice?
Let's let him in.
She's our corky.
We're letting
him in.
Fine, but since
we know corky
A little better than you do,
just stand back and observe.
Now where were we?
Cake.
Right. What kind
does corky like?
Chocolate.
Angel food.
Lemon.
Angel food.
Chocolate.
Lemon.
Wow, you guys are close.
All right, we'll get back to it.
Any thoughts on a gift?
One from everybody
looks last minute.
I say individual gifts.
Hello?! This is the last minute.
All in favor
of one gift from everybody?
Oh, I'm a voting member?
And a paying one, cash up front
or your name's not on the card.
We all know corky likes
things she can wear.
Something pastel. Pink.
Look at all the pink
in her office.
It's like a bottle
of pepto-bismol.
Perhaps something with animals.
She does seem fond of animals.
Pink, with an animal motif,
that she can wear.
That should practically
jump off the shelf.
Frank, what are you doing
from noon to : ?
Let me guess.
Dragging ralph nader
through neiman-marcus.
Miles, bring corky
down here at : .
I'll need
some signal.
I'll cough three times
in the hallway.
Three staccato coughs.
(Coughing)
Great.
I'll call phil, and...
You weren't listening,
were you?
We're in the hallway.
We're in the hallway.
(Coughing)
We scream, "surprise,"
corky squeals
And this whole
nightmare is over.
That has to be it.
What about
the cake?
Oh, geez, the cake.
Carrot.
Corky likes carrot cake.
How would you know?
I'm a reporter.
I notice things.
I've seen her order it
three times at lunch.
Jim orders jell-o and pudding
on alternate days.
Miles orders sandwiches
with no lettuce.
Frank says he shouldn't
order fries, and does.
And murphy just steals
off of everybody else's plate.
See you.
Lucky guess.
Look at this.
Who would have thought
A halloween sale
could provide
Such a lively decor?
What a stroke of luck
that all three drugstores
Were out of "happy birthday"
in english.
Having it in spanish adds
that international flavor.
"Festive" is a word
more to the point.
Oh, who are we kidding?
This party's
going to be as festive
As an evening
with dr. Kevorkian.
Phil! The man
of the hour arrives.
I tell you, murphy,
I did the best I could.
Next time give me
a little more warning.
I'm a chef,
not a magician.
Phil, we can always
count on you.
In keeping with corky's
louisiana roots
The burgers are blackened
cajun-style.
They just look
burnt to me.
Okay, murphy, they're burnt.
You try cooking extra burgers
during lunch hour.
For crying out loud!
My place is so crowded
It looks like a clinton
half-brother reunion.
Hey, phil, aren't you going
to stay for the party?
No, frank.
I'm jetting
to the riviera.
It's lunchtime.
Nobody understands
the restaurant business.
I was all over town
and ready to give up
When I struck gold.
I didn't even have a chance
to have it wrapped.
What do you think?
It's pink
It's something she can wear
And it has this feathery part,
which looks like it came
From an animal.
It's even flame-retardant--
nader liked that.
Here, feel it.
You hate it,
don't you?
Well, why'd you send me?
It's not like I am known
as a shrewd shopper.
I knew this present
was going to be a bust
And I was going
to take the blame for it.
Look, next time, you just send
somebody else, okay?!
Who decorated this place,
sylvia plath?
Peter:
so, this is
the party.
And I chipped in bucks.
Mind if I see the receipts?
Okay, the party stinks.
We all know it.
We're busy people.
We did the best we could.
And it stinks.
Thank you, frank.
But can we all get
The hide-and-yell-"surprise"
thing right
Instead of corky walking
into the most depressing...
Surprise.
Happy birthday.
Surprise!
Did no one
hear me coughing?
My throat is raw
from coughing.
Now, corky...
I know what
you're thinking.
This looks like
one lame excuse
For a birthday party
And it is,
but I can explain.
Oh, no.
She's crying.
Oh, corky,
don't do that.
I know this seems
like a bad party
But we've
all seen worse--
That one where cronkite
walked through a plate glass door.
At least you don't have
lacerations about your head and neck.
That's something to be
happy about, isn't it?
No, it's not
the party.
The whole thing
is beautiful.
You're the best friends
I could ever hope for.
Was frank in charge
of the gift?
They sent me.
It's almost like
they wanted me to fail.
It's lovely.
Probably just
the kind of thing
A woman's
supposed to wear...
When she's !
(Sobbing)
Oh, hey...
Hey, corky.
I know turning 's
a tough one.
Suddenly you're not
the wonder kid anymore
And people
even younger than you
Are nipping at your heels,
right?
No. That's not it.
You're feeling alone, right?
And you figure
if you're alone at
You might be alone
the rest of your life.
No. That's not it either.
Is it perhaps that you realize
That you're one year
closer to death?
No. But thanks, jim.
All right, all right,
coming through.
May i, please?
Corky.
You can't remember
The last time something
Took your breath away,
can you?
No.
You've stopped feeling
that rush you felt
The first time
You filed a story or took
an overseas assignment
Or made it over the wall
of a foreign prison.
Uh, let's change
that last one to... What?
I once snuck
into a scientology meeting
To get an interview
with tom cruise.
Close enough.
And you felt that rush
of adrenaline
Didn't you?
But now life
is just one big
Seen it, done it,
lived it. Right?
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Then there's only
one thing left to do.
Jim, your tie.
What?
Come on,
we're wasting time.
Let's go.
Oh, uh, all right,
but now, you just...
Be careful
with this.
It was a gift
from miles.
Yes, well,
it's very nice.
Thanks.
I picked it out.
Why didn't I
think of that?
There's nothing like
A game of pin the tail
on the donkey
To yank her out of
this pit of despair.
Corky, I'm going
to show you
How to really celebrate
your birthday.
Where are we going?
You have to trust me
on this one.
We're having cake
and ice cream.
Corky, this is insane.
Without any explanation,
you're just going off with him?
I guess.
This is the kind of thing
That is k*lling
the women's movement.
On what they told us focus
In ground training.
What was that?
I thought
you'd remember.
It's okay.
Just relax
and bend your knees.
I'll take care
of the rest.
Relax.
Bend my knees.
Relax.
Bend my knees.
I have
one more question.
sh**t.
Why are we doing this?!
Because of what happened
on my th birthday.
I was on
a routine assignment
Flying between managua
and san salvador.
One minute, I'm sleeping off
some bad tequila
And the next
We're being strafed
by anti-aircraft fire.
Before I know it
Somebody's slapping
a parachute on my back
Shoving me out the hatch
And yelling at me
to count to ten
And pull the cord.
That afternoon,
I came this close to dying.
Thanks for sharing that.
I feel a whole lot better now.
It was also the most
exhilarating experience
Of my life.
Look, two hours ago
You had no idea
you'd be , feet up
Staring eternity
in the face
With a guy
you barely know.
But that's why
I brought you up here--
To realize that life's
great pleasure
Is never knowing what's
around that next curve.
Seconds to jump run.
South ferry,
last stop.
Everybody out.
Kneel down
right there.
There you go.
One...
Two...
But what if
something goes wrong?
Well, think of it
this way:
If I'm the last thing
you see on this earth
You could have done
a lot worse.
You ready?
No.
Perfect.
(Corky screaming)
Morning.
Where's corky?
What did you do?
You haven't heard
from her?
We haven't heard from her
since she was here with you.
Corky!
Frank:
my god!
He's crippled her.
Watch the foot!
What did you do?
Frank, it wasn't
His fault.
I didn't
follow instructions.
I kept telling her
to relax and bend her knees
But she was
all tensed up.
And with all my weight
on top of her...
You're a dead man.
Will one of you
tell me what happened?
Peter and I
went skydiving.
I landed wrong,
compressing my spine
Spraining the transverse
ligament in my ankle
And having
without a doubt
The best birthday
of my life!
It was good for me too.
You went skydiving?
And it was wonderful.
Peter knew
Exactly
what I needed
Because on his th birthday,
he was on assignment
When his plane was strafed
by anti-aircraft fire
And he had to parachute out.
Because of peter,
I will always remember
That life is never knowing
what's around that next curve.
And an ankle
is a delicate balance
Of tendons and ligaments.
I am so grateful.
Really, really grateful.
All right...
Don't worry, corky.
He is not going
to hurt you anymore.
Has anyone
ever told you
You have tremendous
upper body strength?
Not that
I'm complaining.
It's just that...
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I guess I'm still
a little bit light-headed.
I don't know whether
it's the pain-K*llers
Or the fact that my life
has been deeply changed forever.
Come on, corky.
What you need
Is to just get off your feet
and have a nice cup of tea.
Chamomile.
Oh, chamomile,
my favorite.
I knew that.
Well, what do you know.
The guy with all the answers
actually had the answer.
Well, what can I say?
If there's one thing I know
It's how to take a woman
screaming to new heights.
Yeah. Well,
I wouldn't brag about it
Until you can do it
without a pilot, a control tower
And an airsick bag.
One other thing.
Corky is a vulnerable
and trusting human being.
None of us would take kindly
To someone who might
take advantage of that.
I hear you, sheriff.
"Strafed by anti-aircraft fire"?
Too much?
I wasn't sure
when I threw that in
But it seemed
to do the trick.
I knew it.
What did you really do
on your th birthday?
Have a few beers with your buddies?
A pizza with a candle..?
Actually, I spent the day
in the trunk of a volkswagen
While my captors argued over
which of my fingers to include
In the ransom note.
At least you've saved something
for corky's th.