I'm murphy brown.
You must be my new secretary.
Would you mind
returning this tape
To editing for me?
Maybe I'm crazy
But I've got a very good feeling
about this one.
It's armageddon,
that's what it is.
Has anyone seen this?
The tribune,founded
by horace greeley
One of the last bastions
of serious journalism
Is running a front-page expose
on holly adams
The "beltway madam."
That's disgusting.
"Nicknamed the 'beltway madam'
for allegedly running
"The capital's
priciest prostitution ring
"Adams grew up the daughter
Of a small-town businessman,
full of determination and grit."
So did I
But you never saw me
half-naked in high heels
Parading in front of leering men
Hoping to be the girl
they pick...
Okay, I did that once
But it's completely different
when you're wearing a tiara
And bert parks is singing.
This is unbelievable.
A hooker gets half
the front page
Clinton's health care package
gets two paragraphs
And a doonesbury.
You can't turn on
the television or radio
Without hearing
holly this, holly that.
Meanwhile, there's fighting
in bosnia, russia's collapsing.
What could these women
possibly do
To get that kind of money?
Oh.
Sex and innuendo.
That's what sells these days.
Woody allen and mia farrow.
Donald Tr*mp and marla maples.
Pee-wee herman and...
Pee-wee herman.
I remember a time
when journalism
Was a profession of honor.
Morning, people.
Morning, miles.
I just had
an interesting meeting
With the network brass.
Oh, those guys.
(Chuckles)
Oh, man.
Oh, lord.
Why are you automatically
assuming it's something bad?
Every time you laugh
after a meeting
It is something bad.
Last time, they
wanted us to do cameos
As victims
of a stagecoach accident
On dr. Quinn,
medicine woman.
Jane seymour was going
to amputate frank's leg.
This isn't
like that at all.
The meeting was about news
And how much of it
there is these days.
From the deficit to somalia
to holly adams.
(Chuckles)
Oh boy, they want us
to cover holly adams?
You told them
we wouldn't, didn't you?
(Chuckles)
Will you stop that?
Let's face facts
for a minute.
This kind of thing
fascinates people.
So do traffic accidents
But we don't wait on i-
for a ten-car pileup.
I won't do the kind
of sensationalistic trash
I saw on channel three
last night.
"What men want.
The love secrets
of holly's dollies."
Or that garbage
on channel .
"Suburban sex rings.
How to tell if
your neighbor's a hooker."
What about that "capital
sexpose" on channel eight?
What is the news value
of reporting
From inside an s&m shop?
There were devices there
They could have
front-mounted on tanks
During the gulf w*r.
Well, well, well.
Considering how disgusted
you all are
By all the coverage
None of you missed
a single report.
I was folding my laundry.
It was doris's night
with the clicker.
I was looking
for the discovery channel.
Oh, admit it.
You weren't folding or flipping
or clicking
You were watching
And why?
Because you were curious.
Everyone's curious.
Who's hooking?
Who's being hooked?
Is there a black book?
There is a story here
And our competition
is running with it.
Are we going be the only
ones left in the dust
Fine with me.
Yes.
Darn tootin'.
Sure. Fine.
So what if there are
other magazine shows
/ , Hours
Minutes, dateline
Nightline...
It's a jungle out there
And everyone expects
old bwana silverberg
To carry us through.
Well, grab your machetes
and start whacking.
Fyi is doing this story.
I won't have anything to do
with this story.
That's all right, corky.
Miles, I'm up to here
with my pentagon story.
I know.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, no. You're not
looking at me, miles.
Why aren't
You looking at me?
(Chuckles)
The network
Specifically
asked for you.
Why?
It's a tawdry story.
They need you
for credibility.
They're not complete idiots.
With a little
work and practice
I'm sure they could reach
full idiot potential.
Enough.
Let me remind you
that this is a job
Not make believe.
We're not doing
the mary tyler moore show here.
There's no audience laughing at
every cute little thing you say.
This is
the real world.
When I tell you
you're doing a story
You don't just say,
"mr. Grant, I don't want to."
You do it!
Holly adams is being arraigned
in minutes.
You'd better hurry
If you're going to get
to the courthouse
In time.
An arraignment or what?
Well, hey, hey, hey.
What a surprise--
murphy brown.
I thought it was you,
but why would
The first lady
of television news
Be slumming around
a prostitution story?
Excuse me,
do I know you?
Tom del rubio,
current edition.
You don't remember me.
That's surprising, because
you did mention our show
In the last issue
of broadcast monthly.
What did you call us?
"A festering boil
On the backside
of journalism."
Oh, right. You know,
I really didn't want them
To publish that,
but they felt
My original quote
was too harsh.
Yet here you are--
Festering
with the rest of us.
There are six or seven
of you prime time big sh*ts
Lurking around
our little gutter.
You don't know
how lucky you are
To have murphy brown
in the gutter with you.
If she's ready to move
into prostitution
You'd better stand back
Watch her,
and learn how it's done.
Okay, carl.
Listen, del rubio, I don't
owe you any explanations
But if you want to know why
I'm covering the beltway madam,
I'll tell you.
Because this story transcends
tawdry sex and smarmy innuendo.
It's about our nation's capital
as a microcosm for this country
And its unraveling
social fabric.
Ooh, an "unraveling
social fabric" show.
Well, geez, they'll be glued
to their tvs for that one.
Dress it up
any way you want
It's still sex,
and you're selling it
Just as much as holly is--
only her customers
Usually stay awake
till it's over.
Listen,
you slime-peddling smut jockey
I won't lower...
Holly!
Holly!
Holly!
Holly!
Holly!
Murphy:
was there
government money involved?
Were you protected
by federal officials?!
Holly, how do you feel?!
"Holly, how do you feel?"
Piercing question.
Aw, gee.
Why didn't I just ask her
Who her favorite beatle was?
Hey, murph...
How's it going?
Oh, great, frank
And it just
keeps getting better.
Did you know holly's
gone into hiding?
It's true. Nobody
knows where she is.
I'm feeling ashamed and alone,
and I'm looking for a hooker.
Now I know what it feels like
to be jimmy swaggart.
(Chuckles)
Oh, god, I miss real news.
Talk to me frank--
how's your story going?
Oh, it's going great.
Well, not great. Good. Fine.
It's going okay.
Really? Tell me
all about it.
Well, there's really
not that much to tell.
This morning I had
a briefing at the pentagon.
The pentagon?
Oh, I love the pentagon.
Were the flags out front
snapping in the wind?
Well, they weren't
exactly snapping
Just sort of waving
in the breeze.
Were there any generals?
Did you get
to grill a general?
No, honest, just
a colonel or two.
Frank...
Les aspin called.
He's ready to see you.
I got to go.
Can't keep
les aspin waiting.
Les aspin? I love les aspin.
I'm sorry, murph.
Listen, how about
if I bring you
Something back
from the gift shop?
Maybe one of those floatie pens
with the stealth bomber inside?
Say hi to les.
I see you, jim.
Hi, murphy.
My, you're looking good today.
I was just saying to corky
"Considering the stress
she's been under
Murphy's looking
surprisingly good."
Did I say, "surprisingly"?
I'm sure I must have
said "astonishingly."
No, uh... Ah... So.
How are things
in glocca morra?
They suck, jim.
There's... Something
You should keep
in mind, slugger.
Anyone can do
a compelling story
About hard news
But to create
award-winning journalism
Out of... Cheap filth
That's the mark
of the great ones.
Well...
: .
Murphy...
The murphinator...
Fyi's own little slayer
of big old news dragons.
I have nothing, miles.
Hours grabbed
her housekeeper
- Has
her real estate agent
And the kid who mows her lawn
isn't talking to anyone
Till he finishes
his screenplay.
So you don't have much?
I don't think you understand.
I don't have anything.
Nada, bupkis,the big zippo.
Okay, murphy...
You're off the story.
I am?
You just said you tried
everything you could.
You never liked this story
Who could blame you
if you weren't--
I don't know--
hungry enough.
Willing to dig
a little deeper.
Obviously, other
people were--
Which is probably
why you got scooped.
I guess. Probably. Well,
we'll never know.
I'll do a story
on the free trade...
No, no, no--
no free trade.
I just put a challenge
out there.
You're supposed to grab it.
"Hungry," "dig," "scooped."
Those are the words
of a challenge.
Look.
I am under...
Intense pressure
from the network.
I am the butt of jokes
from other producers.
Last night, at the press club,
they were calling me
"Miles away from the story"
silverberg.
I want holly adams.
I want her bad.
You think I'm not trying?
I could put
her dog groomer on film
Get the exclusive
on the chronic flea problems
Of her little shih tzu
Maybe you can live
with filler like that
But it's still
shih tzu to me.
I gave it my best sh*t.
I promise you,
if there had been
Any legitimate lead whatsoever
I would have been on it
like that,but there is nothing.
Hey, there murphy...
I've got that sandwich
you ordered.
I didn't order
any sandwich.
Yes, you did.
And you want to eat it
in your office-- right now.
Aw, no.
Come on, murphy, let's go
look at that sandwich.
Do I have to?
I don't have to tell you
There are certain stories
I think you guys should be above
poking into.
You know the kind I mean--
lurid, tawdry
Without redeeming
social value.
Right, right, and?
Even so,
when information comes along
I think may help out a friend
I'm willing
to overlook my moral dilemma.
On the back of this napkin
is the address
Where holly adams is hiding out.
Yes!
Oh, gee, thanks, phil.
Well, there's gratitude for you.
Maybe I should have just
taken this to dateline.
They say I owe them one.
I don't know why.
If I told you
to blow up a truck
Wouldn't you know I was joking?
This is so great.
All we have to do
is stake out this address.
I'll arrange for your
surveillance truck.
No, you mean our truck.
If I'm going down,
I'm taking you with me.
You won't be "miles away
from the story" on this one.
If holly were there
wouldn't we see something?
In that donna karan ad?
Lurking among
those ferragamo shoes?
Would you get
in the game?
Anything can happen tonight.
We need to be ready.
Don't worry
about me, miles.
First sign of anyone
in or around the house
I'm on the move.
And murphy,
if things turn ugly
I want you to know
I'm there for you.
Just like kevin costner
was there for whitney houston
In the bodyguard.
Good to know, carl.
Think about it.
Whitney was always
in the spotlight
Adored by millions
While kevin toiled
quietly behind the scenes.
Yet, fate had a way
Of hopelessly intertwining
their lives.
By the way, miles
If there's anything
I could do to get you
To stretch your legs
for a half an hour or so
There are some things
A man can only say
to a woman in private.
Carl, if you
could say that
"Fate intertwining their lives"
stuff in front of me
You can say just about anything.
I just don't understand
how you can be so blase.
Maybe it stopped
getting to you
After your th stakeout,
but I am jazzed!
What could be
more exciting
Than playing spy versus spy,
waiting, watching
Hoping the other guy
will slip up.
♪♪ I will always love you ♪♪
♪♪ You-oo-ooo ♪♪
Carl, we're trying
to not draw attention.
Oh, was I singing? Sorry.
Holly adams, the woman
all of america is looking for
Could be inside that house.
What if she has a visitor
Interested
in her little black book?
Some judge or senator
Might walk up,
and we'll confront them
Camera ready, mike in hand.
What if we get someone
even bigger?
Maybe a member
of the cabinet?
Maybe the president?
Who's that coming
down the sidewalk?
It's the entire supreme court,
here to take advantage
Of holly's group rate!
Fine. Joke all you want.
But you know
as well as I do
Plenty
of ground-breaking stories
Started with less
than we have here.
Name one.
The hud scandal. Love canal.
What if no one poked around
long enough
To connect the arms to iran
with the contras?
(Carl humming
"I will always love you")
Carl!
Carl!
Sorry.
Admit it. Weren't there
a few times you struck gold
By following
some pretty weak leads?
What about
noradyne pharmaceuticals?
Wow, noradyne.
I haven't thought
about that story in...
How do you know
About that story?
I wrote a term paper on it
for my freshman mass media class
"A textbook case of undercover
journalistic investigation."
Sure, it's textbook now.
Boy, when I
started working on that
The only lead I had
was about as flimsy as...
As whitney's negligee
In her first
on-screen love scene?
So, every day
for three weeks
You hid in the ladies lounge
while the v.p.'S secretary
Smuggled you page after page
of company records
Until you found--
what was it again?
A phoney research grant
hiding a secret slush fund
Used to bribe
an f.d.a. Official.
I won my first humboldt.
And you deserved it.
Talk about
your perseverance. Mmm-mmm!
Sort of reminds me
Of a couple of guys
from the ' s.
A couple of guys
who wouldn't give up
On a lead about
a third-rate burglary.
A couple of guys
who gave us
A little story
called watergate.
Oh, miles, noradyne
was a good story.
It wasn't any watergate.
A watergate, no,
but maybe this one is.
Are you prepared
to walk away now?
Never knowing?
Or worse, to turn on your tv
tomorrow night
And see holly adams
sitting with barbara walters?
A light came on downstairs.
Someone is in there! See?
They're coming out!
Murphy:
okay, carl
Get ready to move
After she's
feet from the door.
The door's opening.
Is it holly?
Not unless she's
a chinese man with a mustache.
It's just a guy
carrying out the trash.
So it's not holly
At least we know
there's someone in there.
Wait! A man's coming!
He's stopping
in front of the house.
Is it a judge?
My heart's
pounding so fast!
He's going
for the garbage can.
He's looking for something
in the garbage...
Oh, my god!
He's looking for something
in the garbage!
Hey! Get your hands
out of that garbage!
Wait! Get your hands
out of my garbage!
I've got this story.
I saw it first.
I don't see
your name on it!
Oh, great!
Look what you did.
You're crazy.
You're out
of your mind... Oh...
What have you got?
Nothing. Hey!
All right.
Drop that and step away
from the garbage.
Now!
Miles:
murphy..!
Get him!
Get him!
It's over, murphy!
Look at all
of this great stuff.
Murphy, for god's sake,
look at yourself.
What?
Murphy!
What?! Oh...
Oh, god... God, I got
hamburger helper on me.
I sank to their level.
No, I sank
below their level.
I fought over garbage.
I fought over carrot tops
and onion skins
And, ew! Whatever
the hell this is.
I'm here for you, murphy! I would
have been here sooner
But I pulled a hamstring
climbing out of the truck.
It's okay, carl.
How can you say that?!
I failed you!
You know, I've had dreams
Where you were
covered with food.
It will be a long time
before I have
One of those again.
I did this to you.
This is all my fault.
I'm calling the network.
No story is worth this.
I'm sorry we both
had to wallow in garbage
For me to realize it.
No, miles.
Now we've both wallowed
in garbage.
Well, it could
have been worse.
We could have gone
on the air
With this story
And lost all our dignity.
At least, whatever humiliation
we suffered,
We suffered in private.
Good evening. Tonight
we take you to bosnia
And its continuing civil w*r.
Then to israel's west bank
Where peace brings
unforeseen changes.
But first,
the washington media circus
Refuses to relinquish the tale
of holly adams.
In a disturbing illustration
of the depths to which news correspondents
Have sunk in their efforts
to gather new material
Amateur video sh*t by
a local washington resident
Reveals fyi's murphy brown
fighting
With an unidentified man
over garbage
Allegedly belonging
to the beltway madam.
A sad commentary on
the state of journalism today.
Coming up,
the british royal family
Caught with their pants down
again.