Stopped at : .
Great work, people.
That should give us
stories to take us through
the end of the year.
Did I say dismissed?
I don't think so.
Sit. Sit. Sit.
Everybody,
get out your calendars.
The network gave me a list
of functions they want
you to attend.
For the love of...
I'm just a
messenger.
Jim, you're speaking
At the foreign press dinner
on the th.
Oh.
Corky-- fund-raiser
at the museum
Of american history
on the th.
Frank, you'll
man the phones
At next week's
pbs pledge drive.
The league of women voters
has named murphy
Female broadcaster
of the year.
The luncheon's on the th.
Wait a minute.
Nobody told there was
going to be a luncheon.
That means I'll be eating up
on a dais in front of everybody.
Sure, you get a better angle
to flick lima beans
At katie couric's head
But, on the other hand,
you can't pin it
on anybody else.
Those museum things
are the worst.
There's no one there under
And it's so dark and noisy
you even tell who
you're talking to.
Last year I spent minutes
yelling into the ear
of a kindly old man
Before I realized
it was a wax figure
Of ben franklin.
Well, you probably got
a better response
from waxy old ben
Than I'll get
from the foreign press.
Last time I spoke to them,
all my clever puns
And a perfectly good
maurice chevalier joke
Zoomed right over
their foreign little heads.
At least you get food at yours.
The only thing they have at
those pbs pledge drives
is old coffee, carrot sticks
And whatever the frugal gourmet
didn't throw out the day before.
I don't believe you guys.
You should hear yourselves.
"My life is so hard
because I'm famous."
"Everyone wants to meet me."
Most people go
their entire lives
Without getting as much
attention as you get
When you pick up
your dry cleaning.
It sounds like someone
hasn't quite gotten over
Losing the part of curly
In his high school production
of oklahoma!
For your information,
we did fiddler on the roof
And I k*lled
as mottel the tailor.
And another thing--
I have been asked
to do something.
D.c. Magazine would like
to include me, miles silverberg
In their yearly feature
"smart, successful, and single."
Oh!
Really, miles!
All right!
I don't want to be teased, taunted
or told not to do it.
I deserve this.
I work hard,
and what do I get?
I'm cropped out of every photo
of the fyi team.
I get the cheapest
network gifts.
Last christmas you all got
leather briefcases brown
I got a major dad
fanny pack.
And every time I do get invited
To something like the
league of women
voters thing
It's only because they need
me to introduce you.
And then it's back
to my usual role
Of keeping the seats warm
and watching the purses.
Miles, why are you
arguing with us?
We're telling you to do it.
'Cause I don't know if I should.
Why not?
My whole career
My role has
been behind the camera.
I don't know if I'm much of
a in-the-spotlight guy.
With the headline
"smart, successful, and single"
I'm guessing two minutes
after you got the call
You were dancing
around the living room
In your socks
and underwear.
And besides
You deserve it.
You are smart and successful.
And now, thanks to audrey
You're single.
Miles, think about it.
It's like introducing yourself
to thousands of women
All over washington
in one sh*t.
They see
a flattering picture
A sensitive quote,
a salary range--
You're halfway home.
You haven't even had
to spring for dinner.
Jim?
Jim, what do you think?
That every minute
I spend standing here
Is an extra ten minutes
on the beltway.
Miles, why are you
even asking us?
You make critical decisions
around here every day.
When are you going to
to stop being so cautious
In your personal life?
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
Okay, you've talked me into it.
I don't know why I made
such a big deal about it anyway.
It's just a local magazine.
I must be doing it
because my relatives
Are going to get
a big kick out of it.
♪♪ Wonder of wonders ♪♪
♪♪ Miracle of miracles ♪♪
♪♪ God took a tailor
by the hand ♪♪
♪♪ Stood by his side... ♪♪
Miles, your ears are
starting to turn pink.
Are you holding
your breath again?
I was, wasn't i?
God, there's so much
to remember.
Don't blink, keep breathing.
I don't know
how fabio does it.
Yeah, well, he has
a bigger chest.
More lung capacity.
But since we stopped
I think we're really good
on the serious look.
What do you say
we try a smile?
A smile?
Sure, I can do that.
(Shutter clicking)
What do you think?
He's in focus,
although in this case
I don't think that's
necessarily a plus.
You know what's wrong here?
It's this table.
I never sit
at this table.
I never sit. I move.
I'm a moving guy.
You can't capture the
essence of miles silverberg
Unless you capture
him in motion.
I'm like a cheetah that way.
One minute I'm at the desk,
the next minute--
(Snarling)
I'm at the assignment board
Writing
in a name
Changing my mind...
Writing in another.
That's the real me.
And we love it.
You do?
That's what was missing.
That cheetah thing.
Go on, and sh**t him.
I'd love to.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
This feels good.
This feels right.
Sometimes
I loosen my tie like this.
What do you think?
Unbelievable.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We're getting
the good stuff now.
Eli...
Here's a good idea.
Here's a good idea!
You know, sometimes...
Sometimes I'm walking
across the room.
Someone calls my name--
I turn, "what?"
Did you guys get that?
I'll do it again.
I'm walking, I'm walking, what?
I'm walking, I'm walking, what?
What is he doing?
I'm not sure, but I think
he's starting a conga line.
This is almost
too painful to watch.
Almost.
Not the thumbs-up sign.
It's so ' s.
Dear lord,
he wet his lips.
I have to stop him.
No, no, just
a few more minutes.
Well, that should do it.
We're just getting started.
Miles, miles, we've got
several other people to cover today.
We got some
really great sh*ts.
Why don't we quit.
While we're ahead.
Quit? Well,
with all due respect, eric
You don't get to be featured
in an article like
"Smart, successful
and single" by quitting.
Let's just sh**t
one more roll.
Only this time, I think we'll do it
without the glasses.
(Clattering)
Who's there?!
Murphy?
Is that you?
How about that?
The octopus does
qualify as a mollusk.
You were right, frank.
Looks like we can go now.
Hi, miles.
Stop it!
Just stop it!
You were spying on me!
Admit it!
Who me?
Spying?
They made me do it, miles.
It was car pool day.
Miles, we're sorry.
We were just curious.
But if you feel uncomfortable
we'll leave.
I didn't want to be here.
Sorry for the delay, eric.
Just some
of my hard-working anchors
Working harder
than they should be.
Sometimes I practically
have to kick them out.
Like now... Get out.
Miles, I just want you to know
I think you're doing great.
You have one of those faces
the camera just loves.
I want a -millimeter lens
on that hasselblad.
Switch to a diffusion filter.
Kick up that fill light
if you ever want
To get rid of those suitcases
under his eyes.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Now leave.
I think
we should make sure
We've got everything
in this interview.
"Favorite food: eggbeaters
on an english muffin..."
Crisp but not burnt.
"Last book read:
"Tax planning for the ' s"
Thoughts on
being single..."
Will you go already?!
Geez, miles, you say you want
little attention
And then when we try to give it
you push us away.
That hurts.
It really does.
All right,
you want to know what it says?
"I'm interested in finding
a really special woman--
"A partner, a friend,
an intellectual equal.
"I'm not just a guy
looking for a sexual plaything
To cater to my every
whim and desire."
I thought of putting in a joke
But I didn't want
to come off as flip.
The intellectual equal thing
I threw in at the last minute.
Could you tell?
No, not me.
It was seamless.
Come on, guys.
We're walking,
we're walking, what?
All:
we're walking, we're walking, what?
Get out of here!
Hey everybody, look who
I ran into in the lobby.
Get 'em while they're hot.
Tony, how could you?
I'm sorry, mr. Silverberg,
but it wasn't worth dying for.
Don't bend them like that.
Watch it.
Garth, wipe your hands.
You've got sugar doughnut
on your fingers.
Here he is.
Everyone, please turn
to page in your hymnals
Right across from the
scratch-and-sniff obsession ad.
Miles, you not only look good,
you smell good too.
Frank:
nice picture.
You cannot teach
a wink like that.
You're just born with it.
Let's not make a fuss.
"Miles silverberg, fyi's
hotshot young executive producer
"A world-class sprinter
"In the fast-paced world
of broadcast journalism.
"He loves his work
"But is still looking
for that special woman
"To complete his life.
"Says silverberg
"'I'm just a guy
looking for a
sexual plaything
To cater
to my every whim and desire.'"
Very funny, jim.
Now read it the right way.
"'I'm just a guy looking
for a sexual plaything...'"
No, no, no!
"I'm not just a guy."
"I'm not just a guy."
That's what I said.
Not according to this.
Nope. According to this
you're a pig.
I swear there was a "not."
They left out my "not."
Oh, come on, it's a typo.
You all would have
known that, right?
Miles, anyone who knows you
Knows you would never
say something like that.
Great. I probably know
what, people?
But let's be generous.
Let's say I know people.
No, no, no. .
Let's go wild
and say I know , .
What about the other ,
who will read this?
You're next to a kennedy.
Maybe nobody will notice.
Somebody at this magazine
Has a lot of explaining to do!
I better see
a big, big retraction.
No. That's not good enough.
They've got
some phone calls to make--
About , of them!
I-- I said "not."
I said "not." I swear it!
Hello.
Hi. Please, continue eating.
Geez, miles
Way to slip into a room.
You find my pain amusing,
do you, frank?
Well, get should
a real kick out of these.
Angry faxes
Obscene phone messages
And it's safe to assume
I no longer have
a snowball's chance in hell
With claudia schiffer.
I think it's pretty safe to assume
you never really did.
Shut up, frank. Just shut up.
Now, miles,
you just have to hang on
Till the magazine
prints a correction.
Then this whole thing
will blow right over.
That's two weeks away.
I may not live that long.
Miles, I just ran
into bob packwood
In the men's room.
He asked me to thank you.
He said his hate mail
has dropped off considerably
Since your article.
He also suggested that
if you had any diaries
You might want
to burn them.
Hey there, miles.
I'll be your
waitress today.
I thought that would be easier
Since the others
are back there fighting
Over who gets to be
your sexual plaything.
Gee, phil,
a joke about the magazine.
That's very amusing and almost
as fresh as your meatloaf.
Aw, come on, kid,
shake it off.
So they left
out your "not."
After years of reading quotes
Like "I am not a crook"
"I will not raise taxes"
"I did not inhale"
People in washington
see a "not"
They tend to throw it out
anyway.
Hi, guys.
Jim:
hey, slugger.
Miles, just so you don't think
all women hate you
I spent half the morning on the phone
with the post trying to convince them
To run some sort of blurb
explaining your situation.
You're kidding.
Oh, murphy, this is
great. Thank you.
When is it going to run?
Well, actually, it won't.
While they found
your story funny
They didn't think
it was newsworthy
On the other hand, they say
it's getting harder
To find a guy
who'll admit he's a sexist pig.
So if you're willing
to stand behind your quote
They'll give you the cover
Of the sunday magazine.
In the meantime
I thought this might help.
My life just keeps
getting better and better.
Uh, excuse me.
Are you miles silverberg?
People make that mistake
all the time.
Actually,
I'm george stephanopoulous.
Nice. A pig and a coward.
Hold on a second.
Before you say
anything else
You should know
the guy was misquoted.
He's an innocent victim here and he does
not deserve to be treated like this.
Right. They're always misquoted.
He's a pig.
And anyone
who defends him
Is a pig too.
Hey, hey, hey.
Frank fontana is not a pig.
If you took the time
to get to know me
Instead of just stereotyping me
You'd see that I'm a sensitive
and enlightened guy
Who cares about women
and the issues facing them.
In fact, I'd be willing
To talk over those
issues with you
Over a drink sometime.
Heck, I'll even let you pay.
You disgust me.
Maybe I am a pig.
Well, I am not
and I never have been.
You can accuse me
of being many things.
Hypochondriac, yes.
Workaholic, sure.
Borderline neurotic
With occasional bouts
of hyper tension
Guilty as charged.
But a pig, never.
This just is not fair.
You're absolutely right, miles.
It's not, but it will pass.
And you'll
a better person for it.
Remember, "that which
does not k*ll me
Only makes me stronger."
That's right, miles.
You just have
to hang tough.
By the time of that luncheon next week
this whole thing will be just a memory.
What luncheon?
The league
of women voters award.
Remember,
you're introducing me.
Oh, oh, right.
Um, league of women voters
should be fun.
I'm really looking
forward to that.
I'm a dead man.
Miles, quick, dee dee myers
has got her back turned.
Did you save
any of your lima beans?
Will you turn around
and face the room?
I am facing the room.
Your chair
is facing the room.
The rest of you looks
like it's auditioning
For pretzel boy
at circus vargas.
Now turn around.
I can't. There's
too many of them.
This was a mistake.
I should have
started off slower.
A walk through the cosmetics
department at neiman's.
A brief stop at pappagallo shoes
But no, I had
to listen to you.
Now look at me.
Surrounded by independent
and politically militant women.
Most of whom
are holding cutlery.
Oh, god!
Custer had a better chance
at little big horn.
You're right, miles.
They're just slowly sipping
their decaf
To lull you into a false sense
of security.
Any minute that one in the beige suit
is going to let out a w*r whoop
And a room full of crazed women
is going to give you a second bris.
Excuse me.
What?
If you're ready,
we should probably get started.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
I will.
Thank you.
Oh...
Nice act.
As if she could hide
The loathing and contempt
in her voice.
The hatred, the rage.
She practically
called me an animal.
All right, that's enough.
Look, I know this has been hard
But you can't let it
rule your life.
Now, I want you to walk up to that
podium and show these women
what you're made of.
That's exactly
what I'm going to do.
Just as soon as I finish
this fabulous creme brulee.
Do you want yours?
Miles!
I'm being honored for years
of political reporting.
I'd like to get up there
Before it's .
Now, move it!
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, hello?
Excuse me.
Uh, sorry.
You may want
to shake out your shoes
Before you
put them back on.
Good afternoon.
I'm miles silverberg,
executive producer of fyi.
I am very proud
to have the opportunity
To introduce murphy brown.
As a reporter,
murphy has made a career
Of digging beneath the surface
looking for the real story.
Never assuming
that what a person
Is supposed to have done
is something they actually did
Or would ever consider doing.
Because I didn't.
It was a tragic mistake.
A mistake that was out of my control.
If I hurt anyone I apologize
from the bottom of my heart.
Who did he say
he was?
Miles somebody from fyi.
Oh, right.
He's the guy who put on that
phony noah's ark documentary.
(Murmuring)
No, no, that wasn't me.
No. He did that story
on toxic dumping
That didn't use
from the actual site.
Stop toying with me!
I'm miles silverberg--
D.c. Magazine, you know--
The guy who's just looking
for a sexual plaything
To cater to my every
whim and desire.
But they dropped
the "not."
I was misquoted.
I swear to god.
They dropped
my "not."
I have a t-shirt.
Here's murphy.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
Thought you'd be halfway
to mexico by now.
I was in the men's room.
There's a vent
over the center stall
That picks up the p.a.
System pretty clearly
So I was able to hear
most of your speech.
I would have caught it all,
except the little man
Who hands out the towels
called security
And I had to leave.
Until then I thought
it was going very well.
Oh, well, there's nothing like
a great introduction
To get you off
to a flying start.
Look, murphy, I didn't plan
on getting up there and
saying all those things.
It's just that
when I looked out
I suddenly felt
all these eyes
looking right at me.
So you were stand
at a podium
In a room
full of people
And you felt everyone
looking at you?
Hello, mr. Ripley?
I feel like
such an idiot.
I mean, they didn't
even know who I was.
Last week I was
the talk of the town.
Today I was swept
into the dustbin of history.
Along with pet rocks
and joey heatherton.
So the whole thing blew over.
Isn't that what you wanted?
Well, yes...
I mean, no.
I wanted a little attention
But I wanted
some nice attention.
This was a nightmare.
I've been doing this
a long time.
And one thing I can
definitely tell you is
If you stick your head
above the crowd
Sooner or later,
you're going to get
hit by lightning.
I don't how
you live with that.
You don't get too puffed up
with the good things they print
And you don't get too depressed
about the bad.
And when it gets too tough
You just put on
an overcoat, a cap
and some dark glasses
And pass yourself
off as a man.
In your case,
I'd recommend
A pageboy wig
and a pair of pumps.
That's okay.
I don't think
I'll be needing them.
I'll let you be the lightning
rod, if you want.
I'm going back to my old role
of keeping seats warm
And watching the purses.
And that will be
enough for you?
Plenty.
Excuse me, ms. Brown,
can I grab one last picture
For the tribune?
Sure.
Let me take your coat.
I have a better idea.