04x02 - Judgement Day: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

In 1972,
a cr*ck commando unit...

was sent to prison
by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped...

from a maximum-security
stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted
by the government...

they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them...

maybe you can hire the A-Team.

The only way I'm out of this is
that judge tossing the case out.

And the only chance of that is by
twisting his tube of toothpaste so bad...

he's got no choice.

What are you gonna do, Judge?

Are you gonna let a slime
like Scarlett go...

knowing he's committed a m*rder?

Smith, that is my daughter.

I swear. I don't know anything
about Judge Mordente's daughter.

I'm just an attorney.

Hey!

We're on our way. We gotta pick
up Hannibal at the Judge's.

Italy, my friend. Italy.

Italy.

That's where they're
holding her all right.

Yeah? Well, I guess when
you're the local don...

you don't have to worry
about keeping a low profile.

If my father does what you
ask, will you let me go?

First, we see what the good Judge
decides about my wonderful brother...

then we see
what Don Scarlatti decides...

about the Judge's
lovely daughter.

I can't believe
you came after me.

Yeah, we're pretty amazing.

I knew it. I knew you guys were
trying to put me on a plane.

I just want to stop by
and pick up my suitcase.

I told you, I don't
go on no plane.

I'll go by boat or I'll
even drive, but no flying.

I really believe that
this is not the proper time...

for such a debate,
Mr. Baracus!

I ain't flying!

Then time to drop us off
and write when you get work.

Okay, B.A., slow down.

B.A.!

- Hey, B.A., slow down!
- No, no flying!

How could you do that to a
poor, defenseless DC-3?

She didn't stand a chance.

I don't believe this.

Now we're stuck in this country
without any means of escape!

The Captain has
a point there, B.A.

What do you got to say about it?

We ain't flyin'.

Well, I like it.

And, well, I spent
all our funds...

getting the plane and a*tillery
for this little jaunt.

So, I have only enough money...

for, maybe, maybe one room.

I like it.

Gonna have to get accommodations
for all of us without any money.

- Of course.
- Of course.

Now, Face...

if we had endless amounts
of money at our disposal...

and could do whatever we want,
whenever we wanted...

we wouldn't really need you,
now would we?

That's why I stick around,
Hannibal.

You have such a wonderful way...

of making one feel
so much a part of the team.

Well, what can you do? I mean,
if you haven't any money...

and you don't know anyone on
board, how will you get us on?

Well, it's really
just a matter...

of looking like you know what
you are doing, you know...

and then steering
a wide enough berth...

until someone fills
in the proper blank.

Which someone
eventually always does.

But it does help when just the
right person fills in the blanks.

Correct, Lieutenant?

All right.

Peck, Templeton Peck.

The new replacement?

- Carla Singer, Entertainment Director.
- Well, how do you do?

It's very nice to meet you.

You know, I really thought I was
going to miss the boat. Ship.

See, I was supposed to meet you
at your last port of call...

but I was 10 minutes late, so I
got down here as fast as I could.

- Right. All right.
- Yeah. I'm so glad I did.

Well, you must either be the new pool
boy or Doctor Forbes' assistant.

Dr. Forbes,
I hope I'm not interrupting.

I'm Dr. Peck,
your new assistant.

- Well, they told me I couldn't have one.
- Really?

Well, be that as it may,
here I am.

They give you all that grot
about budgets, cutbacks--

Right, right, right.

You mind, if I...

No, no, no, no, you might
as well look the part.

It's about as close to being doctors
as we get aboard this thing.

We just dispense the liniments
for the sunburn...

and we try and assure the people
that there never has been...

a recorded case
of death by seasickness.

Well, that suits me just fine.

I mean, you...
After 15 operations a week...

some lasting eight, ten hours...

I almost had
a nervous breakdown.

I was recuperating
in Italy, you know...

and I decided to get back
into it real slow...

and then this offer cropped up.

Where did you do
your pre-med work?

- Boston. I interned at St. Francis.
- You're kidding.

Boston and St. Francis?

Why, did you go there?

No. No, I would have liked to have
gone there when I was studying.

Yeah, wonderful school.

I still don't understand
where you're going with that.

I told you I have to be ready...

for when
Mr. Allerdyce arrives.

But I don't have a Mr. Allerdyce
booked on this cruise.

Well, if the patient, I mean, passenger
isn't booked on this cruise...

then what am I doing with the
man's medical records, huh?

Why have they been forwarded to
me, along with some rather...

special medical equipment
to be set up in his cabin?

Now, I suggest that you do
something about this...

especially,
considering the fact...

that Mr. Allerdyce is first
cousin to Conrad Stevens.

Conrad Stevens. Chairman of
the Carnival Cruise Lines.

Well, no one has booked any
of the presidential suites.

Well, I'm sure
they'll do just fine.

The one on A-deck...

so he doesn't have that far to
travel to get out for some sun.

That's perfect. I'll mention your
assistance in this matter to Mr. Allerdyce.

I'm sure he'll be
most appreciative.

No way. I ain't going to
let you take care of me.

You're the one who's sick. You
can't even take care of nothing.

Not true, not true, not true.

B.A., it's your fault that we're on
this ship. Now try and cooperate.

Now, Lori, you have the cabin next door.
There's your key.

Oh, and this is for you.

- A package?
- Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, they have a really nice
boutique on the upper deck.

Believe me, I know what a strain
kidnapping can put on one's wardrobe.

- How thoughtful.
- It's just a little something.

I'll say.

- What about us, Face?
- You and I'll bunk in the cruise quarters.

And you're gonna be the doctor?

Assistant, Hannibal,
doctor's assistant.

You still haven't told me about the
other job, the one I'm stuck with.

- Haven't I?
- Face.

I could have
sworn I mentioned...

Yeah, well, you are
going to help out...

all the beautiful ladies
around the pool.

You mean I'm the pool boy?

Well, we like to
call them "pool persons."

- Face.
- Hannibal, I'm sorry...

but, you know, I figured that
we only had the money...

for the one room for Lori...

so, B.A., being the most conspicuous,
had to come in as Mr. Allerdyce.

Now, let's see.
Oh, yeah, that's you.

You know how you love a uniform.

Well, how do I look?

The pool, Hannibal, it's gonna
be flesh, flesh and more flesh.

What do you know about
being a doctor?

Hannibal, please, piece of cake.

Besides, 90% of the cases
on board this ship...

are nothing but sweet, young things
who've been too long in the sun.

That's just wonderful.

I could just sit here
for hours while you do that.

Yeah. Well, look, you can
take this tube with you--

Please don't stop.

No, you see, when you stop,
it just hurts so bad.

Yeah. Well, now, if you just use
this stuff twice a day, the...

The label says
three times a day.

Yeah, well they just
print that stuff.

I mean, you can use it three times
a day, if you feel you need to.

Yes, make it three times a day.

Okay, bye now.

Dr. Peck.

My assistant will be
with you momentarily.

Mr. Liebowitz here
needs a colonic.

Could you take care of him,
please?

A colonic?

Will you excuse me a minute?

Believe it or not, I would have
rather stayed here with you.

Hey, who loves you, baby?

- Johnny?
- Yeah.

Here's the list of anniversaries and
birthdays for this evening's show.

Okay. And Mrs. Petrie would
like you to come over...

and present an autographed
album to Aunt Gretel.

Sure. Anytime I can
put a little sunshine...

into the life of
the little people, you know?

Carla, honey, what do I have to
give you to get a little kiss?

Chloroform.

Oh!

- Carla? Hi.
- Hi.

- Look, I'm sorry to interrupt--
- Then, why are you?

- Be nice, Johnny.
- Right, especially to the less fortunate.

Templeton Peck,
this is Johnny Angel.

- Johnny Angel. I like it.
- Most people do.

Look, Carla,
I was just wondering...

I saw a motor launch let
some people off on the boat.

Yes, a Mr. Scarlatti
and his party.

Mr. Scarlatti.

Yes, I guess they missed
the boat back at Palermo...

so the captain sent a motor
launch to bring him out.

- He's in the presidential suite on C deck.
- Thanks.

Why do you look at him
like that? What is he?

Cute.

Hey, baby,
come win the taste test.

Someone had to have seen them.

If not the girl, then one of those
four scungillis who grabbed her.

I'll check with
the purser's office.

Find out about the persons
who got on board at Palermo.

I just want to know
they're on board.

If they're here, then she is here.
And I want her dead.

If I have to, I'll blow up
the whole damn ship.

I got less than 24 hours.

I promise each
and everyone here...

if my brother gets convicted...

I'll cut your hearts out
and mail them to him.

Now, find that girl
and k*ll her.

- How did you get in here?
- I'm sorry. I was looking for C-61.

Would you look there?
"E-61," wrong deck.

I'm the ship's doctor, I...

Somebody reported a very bad case
of seasickness, so I'll just...

Do I look seasick to you,
Doctor?

No, no, actually you look...

Perhaps, you could take
a very deep breath and...

I'm sorry. Look, I can explain.
It's just--

I understand.

- You do?
- It happens wherever I go.

Men just can seem to
stay away from me.

It must be a terrible burden.

Especially with my boyfriend
being so jealous.

Yes, well, I do recall...

having to tell
someone something...

You know, Bull does his laps
every day until 3:00.

- Bull?
- That's just what his friends call him.

Arnold Bulinsky is his name.
"Bull" for short.

I see. For a minute there I thought
that was because he was...

you know, built.

Yes, until 3:00, huh? Right.

I really do have to
tell someone something...

very, very, important.

Kitty! Thank God. Quick,
quick, some water.

What are you doing?

What am I doing?
What do you think I'm doing?

I'm trying to bring her around.

Now quick, the water, move.

- Hey, the water.
- Thanks.

Here.
Maybe you better sit up.

Easy, easy.

Sip it. Nice and slow.

Would you... Thanks.

Now, if you'll just lie back.
There you go.

Oh, boy, your pulse feels
like a trip hammer.

No kidding.

What happened, honey?
Bull, I don't know.

Well, I just found her
lying on the floor there.

I mean, luckily I was
on the wrong deck, you know.

Someone recorded
a very bad case of halitosis.

So, I came to the wrong deck...

and I just happened
to spot Miss...

- Tremayne.
- Miss Tremayne. But of course...

Anyway, I don't think you've hit your head
or sustained any concussion or anything...

but I just suggest you take it
easy for a day or two...

and you know, don't push...

What caused it?
Maybe she's ill?

No. It's just your typical
case of, uh, anatonia...

caused by a shift in the
currents in lower latitudes.

Perhaps you've been experiencing
some of these symptoms.

- I'm as fit as a horse.
- Of course you are.

I've been telling you to
stay more in shape, babe.

Is there anything else
that I need, Doctor?

Well, yes. I think you should
take a nap in the afternoons...

whenever you feel the need.

Anything you ladies need?

Towels, suntan lotion.
Suntan lotion--

Yo, boy,
where's that towel, huh?

As I said, anything you need,
feel free to call--

What are you doing,
knitting the lousy thing?

Excuse me.

Where's the drink? I ordered
another drink over 10 minutes ago.

Johnny, did anyone ever tell you that
you got one set of lousy manners?

Certainly not a towel boy...

and nobody calls me Johnny
without my say-so.

Hey, she can have my say-so.

Let me tell you something.

But I like to let the little people
off with the first offense...

especially when
they're my name-sake.

But next time you'll be paddling
back to Capri on a rubber horsie.

So, get me that towel
and find me that cold drink.

And maybe if you bring around
a date after my show...

I'll mention your name
on the mic.

See, it guarantees extra tips
when you're tight with The Angel.

You know, Face, I really
like this job you got me...

but I may have to
go to the lounge soon...

because that guy Angel is
going fishing very shortly--

Ixnay that, Hannibal,
we got real trouble.

That launch that took off
on the side of ship?

Right. Left the entire cast
of The Cotton Club behind.

We'd better get out of sight.
I'll get B.A. and Murdock.

See if you can spring
Lori from Jaws.

Say cheeks, all right.
Here we go.

- You better get below deck.
- What's going on?

Hey, Kildare, why don't you go
peddle your aspirin elsewhere?

You better get below deck,
you see, you'll...

Yeah, you're absolutely
H-positive skin type. Now, now...

I'll stop by with the liniment.

Hey, what cabin can I
deliver the photos to?

That's all right.
I'll see that she gets it.

Liniment? Where do you guys
come up with these raps?

Well, you pick them up in
very short order around here.

Say cheeks.

All right, all right, that's
a definite upward trend...

for members of the black team.

I want to get out of here,
Murdock.

All right, B.A., just cool. This
is all part of the disguise.

I mean, old crotchety people
love to play shuffleboard.

I said I want to go downstairs.
I want to go to my cabin.

All right. Well, you can't just
get up and walk, all right?

You're gonna have to sit down and you
gonna have to enjoy this game of skill.

I want to go down.

Well, you can't. Not until your
nurse, and that is moi, says you can.

You gonna take me downstairs
now or I'm gonna give you...

the worst case of ring around
the collar you ever saw.

B.A., put Murdock down,
get back in your chair...

and meet me
in your cabin right away.

Not bad, especially when you put
my neck in the U of that hook.

I was just trying to teach you
how to have a good time...

when you grow up to be an old lady,
because make no doubt about it...

when you're 45 you're gonna
be wearing a dress...

and ain't nobody's gonna
wanna dance with you.

Are you absolutely sure
that it's Scarlatti?

Well, some faces make an
indelible impression, you know.

Especially when you see them
for the first time...

over the barrel
of a machine g*n.

How many men
did he have with him?

It was like the Volkswagen
at the circus.

Guys just kept coming out,
each one bigger than the next.

I ran into four of 'em
just trying to find you guys.

The first thing they'll do is
to check the ship's registry.

Find out how many cabins we took
after we sailed from Palermo.

Lori, don't go back
to your cabin. Stay here.

Stay here?

Hannibal, we all can't stay cooped
up in the same cabin for two weeks.

B.A., there are more of them
than there are of us.

Besides, we don't have any
weapons that we can conceal.

We'll have to
thin them out a little.

I don't understand. I mean, if
there are so many of them...

what can you do
if they're all armed?

Cut down the odds. Take
some of the other side out.

We'll run across a couple
of g*ns along the way.

If we start roaming around the
ship, they're gonna recognize us.

We could all move
around freely...

if we were all in disguise.

A costume party?

Everybody who's come to see me, which
is half the people on this boat...

Ship, has said,
"What about a costume party?"

I've been a cruise director
for four years now...

and I've never heard
of a costume party.

Really? They went out
with hula hoops.

Well, half the people on this
cruise went out with hula hoops.

Yeah, that's the trouble
with cruises today.

I mean, why get rid of
a good thing, you know?

I can't believe that
many people asked about one.

Are you kidding? Oh, sure.

I mean, all kinds of people
have been coming up to me.

You see, the best costume gets to sit
at the captain's table for dinner.

It's an old custom. I'm surprised
you haven't heard of it.

- Yeah, even the captain was saying--
- The Captain?

Yeah, By the way,
I love this scarf.

Yeah, I was giving the Captain
a sh*t in his cabin, B-12.

And he was saying how much he missed
the good old days. So I said--

No costume party was mentioned when
people signed up for the cruise.

Yeah, but--
No one has any costumes.

That's half the fun. You get
to create your own costume.

You really don't know anything
about this, do you? It's amazing.

Are you trying to do
my job for me or something?

- No, please, No, I...
- No?

That doctor,
he gets more action...

Look, I'm sorry. I don't
know what came over me.

You've never done anything
like that before?

- No, no.
- No.

It's kind of hard
to explain. You see--

- A costume party, huh?
- Yeah.

Yeah?

- Come on.
- Shut up, fool.

Please, B.A., please.

I said, no. And no is no.

What's going on?

Well, I have nothing to wear. I mean
I have absolutely nothing to wear.

I asked him if I could borrow those
delicious feathered earrings?

He's not even going
to that party today...

and he said no. Do you know why?
Because he is jealous.

That's why.
Because I'll get a date.

Perhaps I would be
the first to marry...

and mine will be the first-born
male child on the A-Team.

And he just couldn't
have that, could he?

Little tuck
here and there, you know.

Gold braid...

on the shoulder...

toy sword and voila!

Charge Of The Light Brigade.

Well, that's it, then.
I mean that's it.

All the good costumes are gone.

Where does that leave me then?

Hey, you can sit on Face's lap
and go as Jerry Mahoney.

Don't you talk to me,
Mr. Won't-lend-his-earrings.

I'm going to keep everybody having a
good time happy all over this ship.

Hey, Donnie,
why don't you check up there?

A nice round of applause,
ladies and gentlemen...

for our M and M twins.

Let's here it,
ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, wow, my, my!

How inventive!

I mean, I just can't get over the
cleverness, the ingenuity of it.

You are definitely gonna win
today's contest.

You are the best-dressed
Bowery bum I've ever seen.

You have a problem, buddy?

I'm just a little giddy.

Everything is so refreshing.
You want some punch?

I got him.

- No weapons, Murdock?
- You looking for these?

Oh.

Nice.

Now we need something
for the rest of you guys.

I shall be back
by the stroke of midnight.

Or sooner, if they run out
of finger sandwiches.

The man does not long
for this world, Hannibal.

I'm not sure he was ever in it.

Yeah! Is everybody
having a good time?

Yeah!

All right, come on, people!

Having a good time,
aren't you? Yeah!

Let's have a nice hand
for this guy.

Yeah! Yeah!

Carla!

Carla,
this was a brilliant idea.

Of all the cruise directors
that I've worked with before...

I was wondering who was gonna pull this
one out of the trunk and dust it off.

You really are special.
Like me.

So, I was thinking that
two special people--

Is one too many.

Yeah.

So, Johnny, you like
the costume party, huh?

It's a real dipstick idea.

A bunch of grown-ups runnin'
around, dressed for Halloween?

I mean, there's something unnatural.
I mean, what do you call this?

I'm a class act
direct from Vegas.

Did you see the card out front?

It says, "Johnny Angel,
the King of Croon."

Right about now,
I'd be into the Sinatra set.

Doing Strangers In the Night
or My Way...

which is old Blue-Eyes'
favorite the way I do it.

I end the show off with some Volare,
which usually brings the house down.

I'm out here playing Monty Hall to
a couple of cucumber sandwiches...

from Keokuk Falls.

Well, hang in there, Johnny.

Remember,
it's all in good fun...

and I hear you're
into having fun.

What do you think? I am the
ghost of Christmas future.

You see what happened
to the guy who was with me?

Too much punch.

Everyone's having a good time.

I never would have
believed this.

Got two .25 a*t*matic,
Hannibal, and one extra clip.

With this P38 what Face can get
us, we should be all right.

We got to find him.
I'll take the upper deck.

I'll check if you'd like, Colonel.
It's a heck of a party.

You got to
check it out, too, B.A.

I'll lend you my sheet.

Everybody having a good time?

You got it!

I thought we could...
Well...

Look, I have a patient in traction
and I have to look in on her.

Really.

Kitty, what, what--

Doctor, I'm feeling sick again.
I think I need mouth to mouth.

Yeah, I really do have a patient in
traction that I have to look in on.

The traction is not
going anywhere.

I knew it!

How dare you?

I knew it.

What did you do to him?

What do you mean,
what did I do to him?

He tried to k*ll me,
for cryin' out aloud.

- He was trying to protect me.
- You're right.

No mask.

Put him down, pal.

Oh...

How very charming.

- That's her.
- Si.

What do you call this? What are
you guys doing in my room?

That's a very pretty girl...

and obviously
a good friend of yours.

All pretty girls are
good friends of mine...

but that still don't give you guys
the right to break into my room.

Perhaps this does, hmm?

Is everybody around here
going crazy?

You guys know
who you're messing with?

I open for Ol' Blue-Eyes
when he plays Tahoe.

- What, wait a minute.
- Where is she?

Now get hold of the Captain.

Tell him to get the authorities
out here to arrest these jokers.

My baby.
He'll be fine, believe me.

Here's a little present for you.

That fish you caught
don't have any scales.

Have a nice swim, Lieutenant?

Now, we got everybody except
Scarlatti and his lieutenant, right?

Right.

Let's go get him.

Drop your weapons, now!

I think we have a first prize
winner here: "Best Gangster."

Now, or we sending this little
girl home to Papa in a shoebox!

Too many innocent bystanders.

It's his call, guys.

This is M.S. Tropicale
calling...

the Italian coast guard
station at Palermo.

The ship is under siege.

Armed gunmen are
aboard the ship.

We are 38 degrees,
20. 10 minutes north...

and 10 degrees
06.30 minutes east.

We need immediate assistance.

Let's go.

Now remember...

anybody who sticks their
nose out gets it sh*t off.

Mr. Scarlatti,
everything is under control.

Get the Captain's
launch lowered.

Bernie, Rico, you take
care of these gentlemen.

Come on, let's go.

What do you want?

You and I have some business
to discuss, family business.

My brother and your father.

No, wait!
Help!

Murdock...

It's all right.
I got him.

Please...

Please don't hurt my friends.

- I'll do anything. Anything you want.
- Of course you will.

Of course
you'll do anything I want.

You realize what kind of
difficulties you put me through?

Don't you realize
it's too late? Huh?

You're worried
about hurting people?

Why you take me around the
floor with this tarantella?

Now I got to blow up this ship
with all these witnesses.

God, no, not all these
innocent people.

Life can be unfair, no?

But what we got to do
is call up your father...

you tell him
what I say you to tell him.

Or things will go from bad
to worse, in no time at all.

Pull back! Come on down!

We need that chopper,
Captain. What do you say?

Do you want to see
why we just swam...

200 yards to get you?

Look at this. Look.

Yeah!

♪ Smash him, thrash him,
throw him on the floor ♪

♪ Rock him, sock him,
knock him in the jaw ♪