04x05 - The Road to Hope

[bunniefuu]

- You're not Hannibal?
- Oh, Jim Beam's the name...

and drinking's the game.

Well, then where is he?

Who the heck are you?

- Jack?
- Jack Daniels.

I think they got a body laundry.

There's a piece of nifty news.

B.A.,
I'm coming over the wall.

We're gonna open a mission across the
street from the Moonlight Mission...

and run them out of business.

Hallelujah!

- This is all too good to be true.
- I know.

In 1972,
a cr*ck commando unit...

was sent to prison
by a m*llitary court...

for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped...

from a maximum-security
stockade...

to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted
by the government...

they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them...

maybe you can hire the A-Team.

May I take your order, sir?

Just coffee for now, please.

I rest my case, mein Colonel.

The woman came to the table,
she looked around...

and she saw only you.

It's because I'm better-looking.

It's because
I made myself invisible.

I saw you the whole time,
Murdock.

You see, Colonel,
all I have to do...

is just think of white paper.

Just concentrate
on white paper, white paper...

and then whammo-bammo, I'm gone.
People can't see me.

- Hi, Hannibal.
- Hi, guys.

Well, that's her.
That's my new ride.

Loudest noise in it
is the electric clock.

Man, is that clock loud.

Oh, boy.

Where's Murdock?

- Here he is. Right here, man.
- Where?

Nice try, Face, but I know you
picked him up this morning...

so you've already seen his
"Carmine the Invisible" act.

I'm coming back into focus.

My molecular structure
is reversing.

I'm solid and... And I'm back.
Hi, guys. Miss me?

Oh, my gosh.
There he is. He's back.

Minus the baseball cap,
of course.

Oh, by the way,
reason I'm late is...

I stopped off
to sign the sales agreement.

Yeah, I figured, with all the
cash we got now, why not?

You only live once, guys. You gotta grab
all the gusto and Excaliburs you can.

We don't have the money yet.

We haven't even
taken the job yet.

She's coming back.
She's coming back.

Now, watch this. I'm going to fade out.
Don't let this spook you.

- Hi.
- Coffee?

Yeah, thanks.

Milk.

It's getting easier.

When I first realized
I could do this...

it would take sometimes
an hour or more...

for me to reverse
my molecular structure.

You know, Murdock, sometime I
wish you were invisible...

'cause you don't ever
seem to go away.

Guys, this Christina Trapolis is a
little bit too good to be true.

I mean, she wants us
to fly to Monaco...

spend two weeks
in her penthouse apartment...

followed by 10 days
in her 200-foot yacht...

all in the name of
upgrading her security.

And for this hazardous piece of work,
she's willing to pay $300,000...

half of it up front.

She should be
selling bridges in Brooklyn.

Oh, come on, Hannibal, please!

The Brooklyn Bridge goes for
$500,000, $600,000 minimum.

Believe me, I know.
I've sold it twice already.

Boy, I'd love to own
that bridge.

I think she's a bird dog
for Decker.

I'm going to run her past Jack Daniels
when she brings the money this afternoon.

I've got it set up in an alley downtown.
But I want you guys on a roof.

I've got a feeling that Decker's gonna
show, and I might need a bail-out.

Oh, when did you come in?
Can I get you some coffee?

Wait a minute.
I ain't going for it, guys.

You told her.
She's in on this.

Tell B.A. he's in place.

Invisible Apple to Apple 1, Invisible
Apple to Apple 1, come in.

Hey, fool, you Apple 2.

Now, don't be messing
with the radio codes.

Now, this is Invisible Apple
reporting...

that Apple 3 is in position...

and Apple 4
is on the binoculars.

And yours truly is moving in and out
of a rainstorm of molecular activity.

I didn't hear you come in.

I have been looking
for a new domicile.

- Jim Beam.
- Jack Daniels.

A moniker, I admit,
but it shields me...

from the torments
of reflective introspection.

You use some pretty
fancy words there, Jack.

It's a holdover
from my early days.

Listen, if I was you, I
wouldn't sleep in this alley.

Two guys disappeared
in the last two weeks.

Is that so?

- For what purpose?
- Don't know.

They got some guy down here
picking off our guys.

I don't know why. I've been
trying to stay at the mission...

but after two or three days they make
you, you know, pack up and go off...

let somebody else have a chance.

But they got a list. Two weeks
before you can go back again.

Did anybody call
the constabulary?

You may have noticed
that the police...

don't have a real
high interest in bums.

Are you hungry, Jack?

Look. You see that
restaurant down there?

Guy at the mission told me
you get a handout down there.

- Ask for William.
- William.

I thank you for your courtesy.

Molecules,
they don't know nothing.

No, you got to use
mental stimulation.

- Electrified ions--
- Hey, Murdock, I'm in a...

Who are you talking to?
What are you talking about?

Never mind, never mind.
Listen.

We got a small problem.
I'm a little confused.

There's two winos down there.
Now, I don't know which is which.

Did Hannibal have a bald head...

or did he have the beard and the red hair?
- What you asking me for?

You're the one who goes and buys the
wigs and the makeup all the time.

Well, listen,
there are two winos there...

one of them just sitting still, the other
one's gone to the back of the restaurant.

Well, then, we'll have to go down
there and take a look at them.

- No. Hannibal would be the one sitting down.
- No, not necessarily.

If he thought there was gonna
be trouble, he might move...

away from the other wino.
- Negatory, good buddy. Negatory.

Hannibal would be holding his turf,
knowing that if he was with a wino...

we wouldn't know which wino was his
wino, which wino wasn't his wino.

And the wino he was is the wino
he'd want us to see, you know?

Good sir, I am seeking
one known as William.

Invisible Apple to Apple 1.

We got two winos in the alley.

Face thinks that Hannibal is the
wino that moved away from you.

I think Hannibal is the one sitting
right in the middle of the alley.

But it's up to you, big guy.

I mean, this is too tall to call
from the top of Spencer's Mountain.

Right.

Face! Something's shaking.
Get on that walkie-talkie.

Tell that ugly mudsucker that
an ambulance just pulled up.

Apple 1-- They're going
into the restaurant.

But Hannibal, he is still right down
there in the middle of the alley.

B.A., we got an ambulance.

Pull up to the far side
of the alley. Over.

Listen, B.A.,
stay on that ambulance.

I'm not sure who's in it.
It could be Hannibal.

Could be.

It could be the other wino. Could
be somebody from the restaurant.

Here comes the girl.

Hey, man, what do you
want me to do?

Follow the ambulance or watch
the dude in the alley?

I'm telling you, that's Hannibal sitting
right in the middle of the alley.

Your call, Lieutenant.

All right, well, stay put.
She's got the briefcase.

Remember, guys, that's our money in there.
We'll hold and wait.

I have your money.

$150,000 in advance.

This is my money?

Take it.

That's it. That's it, guys. It's Hannibal.
He's got the money.

Grab him!

And throw him in the back of that
truck, and don't be gentle about it.

They got Hannibal. Invisible Apple
to Apple 1. They got Apple 3.

Not yet, they haven't.

Search the entire area. The rest
of the A-Team can't be far.

Corporal...

Hey, what's going on?

Drop your weapons.

Get down on the floor.

There they are. Open fire!

Come on, Face!

It was a setup, but at least
you got the money, Hannibal.

Who's Hannibal?
Everybody calling me Hannibal.

- You not Hannibal?
- Oh, Jim Beam's the name...

and drinking's the game.

Hey, guys, this ain't Hannibal.

Well, then where is he?

Hello, hello.

Whom do I owe for this odyssey
into the world of science?

I understand
your name is Jim Beam.

I go by many names, sir...

but if you could edify
and clarify...

where it is I am...

and to what purpose?
- All right, do it.

Chart and draw everything. Tattoos, identifying
marks, height, weight, everything.

Am I here for
a physical examination?

What the hell is this?

Oh.

That is a wig.

Sometimes I wear it by itself...

sometimes I wear it with my
Groucho nose and glasses.

This guy's wearing makeup.
Who the heck are you?

Well, I can see
why you guys are confused.

But think about me.

I mean, I walk
into a back of a restaurant...

and the next thing I know, I'm
in a science fiction movie.

He's not the guy we're looking for.
He's not even the right age.

I'm a newspaperman. My name
is Thomas Fullerton lll.

I was working on an article
on transients...

and I wanted to see
if I could infiltrate...

to see what I could find out.

- He's a newsman.
- You don't like newsmen.

How about firemen?
Mailmen?

Cop? Wrong.

Say, I've been trying
to lay off, you know...

I don't really think I need that.
You're not very...

Now what do we do?

We get a can of lye
and a shovel.

Take him out, plant him, see
what comes up in the spring.

So, you told him to go to the
back of the restaurant, huh?

- Well--
- Why?

Well, there was a friend of mine
at the Moonlight Mission...

that told me
there was a guy there...

that would give me
a free handout.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute, cuz.

I know a little something
about skid row.

Restaurant owners
don't give handouts.

They don't want a crowd of winos hanging
out in front of their restaurant.

No, no, he told me to ask for William.
He's in the kitchen.

And then he'd give me
something...

and I told your friend Jack.
- Jack?

That's what Hannibal calls
his wino. Jack Daniels.

So, you told Jack...

and he goes to the restaurant...

and gets slammed in the back of the
ambulance and pulled out of there.

Huh, wh--

W-What's going on here?

Well, Hannibal was right
about one thing.

Christina works for Decker.

I think I'm going to pay this guy
William at the restaurant...

a little visit.

Good idea, B.A.

You guys are going to set
medicine back 50 years.

What paper are you with?

The Buffalo Chip
Town Crier and Farm Report.

I don't like it, Jack.
He sounds like a cop.

Shut up, Bobby.

You better start talking,
friend...

or I'm going to do open-heart
surgery with this shovel.

In that case,
I got two questions.

Are you sure you're
qualified, and will it hurt?

A wise guy, huh?

All right, let's go!

The MPs are still around.

They're probably in there
asking questions.

One of us have to go in.

It's gotta be Murdock.

He's the only one who's
not wanted by the MPs.

Let's go.

White paper. White paper.

I'm concentrating
on white paper.

- I'm gone, right, Face?
- You always have been, Murdock.

Oh, man,
nobody ever comes in here.

I'm looking for William.

Hey, William, you got a visitor.

William?
I thought someone was there.

Now, I don't want to complain...

but I don't believe this area's
been properly irrigated.

I mean, I'm only down here about
four feet, and I'm down to bedrock.

Now, if you want
a nice, deep grave...

I mean, where I won't get
plowed up in the spring...

we really ought to try
over by the road. Shut up!

I'm getting tired of your
chatter and your crummy jokes.

You act like you're going
to a birthday party.

We're going to k*ll you,
goofball.

Really? Tough luck for me.

I got a good joke for you.
Gorilla story.

This gorilla comes into a bar
and orders a drink.

Bartender doesn't know
what to do...

so he goes down the bar
and he asks the owner.

Now, the owner, he never had a
gorilla in his bar before...

and he doesn't want his bar to
become a hangout for gorillas...

but he doesn't want this animal to
get angry and tear the place up...

so he says, "Serve him, charge him $20.
Maybe he'll go away."

So the bartender does.

He grabs the gorilla's $20
and he says...

"We don't get
many gorillas in here"...

and the gorilla says, "No wonder,
look at the prices you charge."

Great story, huh?

Keep them coming, whitey.
You're gonna die laughing.

Well, promises, promises.

Uh-oh.

I'm gonna need that pickax.

Cover him.

Now, everybody stand back.

I don't want anybody hit
by flying rock.

As I always like to say...

a cautious worker
never needs an excuse.

He's getting away. Get him!

Okay, Bill. The temperature of the water
in this place is 200 degrees, huh?

Now, I hate to see you
get parboiled...

with Murdock's sock
in your mouth...

so why don't you tell us
who you're working for...

and where Hannibal's been taken?

No screaming, huh?
This is a very sedate hotel...

and I'd hate to lose
my "preferred guest" standing.

Look, look, honest,
I don't know.

Some guy I never saw before...

gave me $200
to chloroform a bum.

He gave me the chloroform,
he told me how to use it.

Well, what did this guy
look like, William?

He was a big guy,
huge shoulders.

He had a little head, he weighed
maybe 200 pounds, maybe more.

He had a tattoo,
an anchor on his arm.

- Bluto.
- Yeah.

B.A.

If I were you,
I'd start talking.

Honest.
That's what he looks like.

The water's just going to
get hotter and hotter.

I'm not lying, I promise.

I think he's telling
the truth, Face.

He gave up being tough
20 minutes ago.

Okay, now let's go find this guy
and get a line on Hannibal.

Bring him.

Hannibal, what are you--

We've been looking
all over for you.

Oh, hi, guys.

Do you know what
we've been through?

Hey, Hannibal,
where you been, man?

I don't know...

but I made some neat
new friends.

I met a blue-eyed whale in a sharkskin
suit who calls himself Bob...

and a doctor named Jack...

who does open-heart surgery
with gardening tools.

- What do you say, William?
- Who are you?

I'm the guy you chloroformed.

Jack Daniels
was an old geezer, a wino.

I, Jack Daniels,
remain your humble friend.

Well, I'll be damned.

Well, you were right, Colonel.

Christina works for Decker.

How much?
$150,000.

She gave it to Jim there.
She thought he was you.

Then he got picked up by Decker,
who also thought he was you...

but we broke him out.

We thought he was you.

But, besides saving the wrong
man, we were magnificent.

Face was hanging
on the outside of the van...

I was in my invisible station
in the front seat...

B.A. was driving and we left
Decker upside down cursing.

- Boy, I'm glad that's over.
- Yeah, but it isn't.

We're going to take
Christina's money...

and find out who's been k*lling
my fellow knights of the road.

I don't know who chloroformed
me or where they took me...

but I'm going to find out.
- I love it, Colonel.

Well, I hate it, Colonel.

Look, I still owe money
on the Excalibur.

B.A. owes money on the reading
machines at the daycare center.

That's right, man.

Oh, come on, guys. It's a chance
to get down to skid row...

and party
with some real gentlemen.

I mean, we got Jim
to introduce us...

and we got William
to show the way.

He doesn't even know
who hired him.

Some 200-pound bald guy
with an anchor on his arm.

Sounds like Bluto.

There's a guy like that
on the row.

Yeah, a big guy, anchor
on the arm, yeah, yeah.

- Baldheaded?
- That's the guy.

Where's he hang out?

Well, I've seen him at that
Moonlight Mission on 7th Street.

Okay, now why does Foxy Loxy
and Chicken Little...

run around in a shiny
white ambulance...

dropping the skin
on defenseless winos...

and then taking them to a
state-of-the-art hospital...

charting their age, their scars,
the color of their eyes...

and then throwing them into a
6-foot pit with a sack of lime?

- Is this multiple choice?
- I give up, Colonel. Why?

I think they got a body laundry.

I don't think they want the winos.
They want the lDs.

Bums, who went away
from society for 10 years...

but still, of course, have
their birth certificates.

I think somebody
at the Moonlight Mission...

fingers the guys who are the right
age and the right eye color...

for the guy who wants the lD.

Then they take him to hospital
and they wind up in Boot Hill.

And then, later...

the guy who wants the lD, with
maybe some scars added...

turns up at City Hall
and says...

"I've been on skid row
for 10 years...

"but I'm cleaned up now. I need a new
lD." And the switch is complete.

- To... why?
- Money, Face.

You could sell those lDs to
wanted felons for $100,000, easy.

What are you going to
do with me?

- Let me go, please.
- No, sorry, Willie.

You better stay locked up
in the bathroom.

I hesitate to contemplate what the
rest of us are gonna be doing.

We're gonna open a mission across the
street from the Moonlight Mission...

and run them out of business.

Welcome to...

The Road to Hope Mission...

with that soft-spoken
preacher of the road...

Father Foley, whose weapons
are love and rosewater.

And his renowned revivalist...

Harry Dean Hanover.
Say hallelujah!

Hallelujah, sinners.

Lock your hands and form a circle. We
going to take stock of things tonight.

The Lord is shining on your house and
all you got to do is let him in.

And on the organ
and the tambourine...

Brother Ignatius Blacktop,
late of San Quentin...

but now committed
to the path of glory.

I don't like it, Hannibal.

Say hallelujah!

- B.A.
- Hallelujah.

And where are you going
to be, O Righteous One?

On the roof, with a ham sandwich
and a pair of binoculars...

waiting for Lean Jack and Chubby
Bob to show themselves. Neat, huh?

Anything you scam
works for me, Face.

Like that empty building over there.
It's perfect, but I need it by tonight.

Tonight? Oh, no, no, no, no. A
good scam takes time to set up.

Well, we can spend some money.

Okay, okay.
I'll come up with something.

But I'll need help.
I'll need...

Murdock.
- It's Invisibility at your service.

Yes, and you must be Miss Fulbright
of the real estate company?

- Missus.
- Pity. I'm J. Pettybean Ross.

And this is my financial
assistant, Albert Steiner.

Pleased to meet you, I'm sure.

Mr. Ross, I can't possibly understand
what you would want with this building.

- It's almost ready to be condemned.
- Condemned?

Oh, no. Looks like we got here
in the nick of time, Albert.

I'm sure.

Yes. My card.

You're with
the Historical Society?

Well, the Building
and Architectural Division.

I know, I know.
It doesn't look like much...

but underneath all that stucco
and false fronting...

lies an original
Michael Fielding Spencer.

- Um...
- Michael Fielding Spencer.

Well, he's
an architectural genius.

He designed buildings
in the South and Southwest.

A few here in LA before his untimely
demise in the mid-19th century.

He was hit by a streetcar,
June 16, 1948.

Note. Beneath this shell
is a classic structure.

Note the detail
on the Doric columns.

It's here, here, here...

and the classical winged
Cupid with a drawn bow.

So you want to purchase
the building?

Oh, my.
My, my, my, my...

Well, what we do, see, is we select
buildings of architectural interest.

We invest our own money
in their renovation...

and then we seek to get
the Historical Society...

to charter them
as a national monument.

Obviously, the owners will reap
a substantial economic benefit.

- This is all too good to be true.
- I know.

Hi. Hi, brothers.

I'm Father Michael Bing Foley.
It's so good to see you.

I want you to come on in
and have a rest.

Have a steak and give us your best
prayer, for which we'll give you...

the Lord's reward of $5.

Small price to pay
for the opportunity...

to lure a sinner
home to the Lord.

- You got a point there, Bingo.
- Yes. Indeed I do, yes.

Well, now,
won't you go on in there?

Evangelist Harry Dean Hanover is
in the rectory on your right.

That's right, go right on in.
Bless you. Home to the Lord.

What, are those guys kidding?

If this keeps up,
we won't have anybody in here.

I'd better get in touch with Scarett and
Colton. They ain't gonna like this.

You say you can't find him.
You say he won't come.

He doesn't visit anymore.
I say, stand up!

Stand up and be counted.
The Lord will take you back...

if you just stick out your hand.

You. You, sir, tell me...

how many years
have you been down here...

laying in the self-pity
of your own despair?

- Sixteen years.
- Sixteen wine-soaked years.

Sixteen years,
laying in the gutter...

sleeping with lice in your hat.

Sixteen years of waste
and misery.

Well, I'm saying to you,
rise up!

Rise up
and shake off this misery.

Rise up and say hallelujah.

Rise up and grab that...

Grab that devil by the neck
and cast him out.

Can you do that, brother?

Father Blacktop, show this
sinner the road to salvation.

You can be
what you wanna be, brother.

- All you got to do is believe.
- I will.

Hallelujah!

Who's next?

It's hard to believe.

Hard to believe, but I'm touched.
It's a touching story.

Welcome. I'm glad to see you.

Hello, brother.
How are you, brother?

Welcome to your new homes,
all of you. Yes, eat.

You're gonna have three square meals a day.
I'm gonna see to that.

All the clothes you want, all the
fivers you could possibly need.

Father Bing
is gonna see to that.

Yes, it's good.

Good to see so many well-fed
men under one roof.

It makes me wonder where
all the female bums are.

Hello, Face.

Yeah.

They're here.
Tell B.A. I need him.

We're gonna follow these two cowboys
back to where they hang out...

and find out who they are.

Right.

Those guys aren't doctors,
they're playboys.

Stand by on the radio, B.A.

Well, look who we got here.

Apple 3 to Apple 4.
Apple 3 to Apple 4.

Yeah, Hannibal, what's up?

Fat Bob turns out to be
E. Robert Colton...

of the obnoxiously
wealthy Coltons.

Oil, hotels,
shipping, and textiles.

Which makes Skinny Jack some
sort of underworld suckfish.

I'm not sure how he fits in.

What would a billionaire's
son be doing...

hanging out
with a guy like that?

Why would Christina Trapolis
be hanging out with Decker?

I mean, the idle rich are
begging for strange playmates.

Must be the French food
makes their brains soft.

Boy, I hope it's not
something in the caviar.

Yeah.
How's Murdock doing?

Well, I believe Murdock's
finally found his true calling.

He's in there
doing a rain dance now.

Me, I'm singing White Christmas
and smiling blandly.

But they're sitting there
with their mouths open...

and we aren't even
giving away fivers anymore.

I wanted to get into E. Bob's
home and feed him some bad news.

I'm gonna need you, Face. I laid
out a three-man as*ault tactic.

All right, where are you?

1512 Cypress Court.

- Hidden Valley.
- All right. I'll be right there.

- Out.
- ...liquor of the soul.

Welcome...

from the Buffalo Chip
Town Crier and Farm Report.

One wrong move and you got a
spot in the obituary column.

If I call out,
they'll be here in seconds.

You do that, Bob...

then you better tell them to bring a
mop, 'cause you're gonna be history.

Tough decision, huh? Tell you what.
Let's take a field trip.

If you're real good, I'll let you
try on one of my rubber noses.

You don't know
what you're messing with.

I think I got a good idea.

Where's Jack, the heart surgeon?

I think he's the one
behind all this.

He's at my house in the country.

How about we take
a little trip to see him?

Only this time,
I'll bring the shovel.

Don't sh**t me!
Please, please don't sh**t me.

Sometimes a guy's got
no sense of humor.

B.A., it's in the gutter.

I'll cover you, Hannibal.

B.A.,
I'm coming over the wall.

That's the way it's done
in the majors.

Victor 3 to Victor 1.
Unfriendlies approaching.

Okay, this is the place.

But let's make it fast. That postman
could come up from breakfast...

and make a call anytime.

I love it. He's worried
about the postal department.

This should be smooth.
They don't expect us.

B.A., you take the right.
Face, you take the left.

Left, right.

Special delivery.

You've got something for me?

Yeah, I got a great new
gorilla story.

I know how you love them,
so I came right out.

Save the jokes, 'cause I got
plans for you, wise guy.

Let me guess. We're gonna
dig some more graves.

The man's a mind reader.

Sorry, guys. It's the ones you don't
see coming that always get you.

They're not selling
these lDs for money.

Fat Bob is in some kind
of urban t*rror1st group.

All these guys are international
scumballs wanted for who-knows-what.

He and Jack the heart surgeon
are getting legal lDs...

for their survivalist army so they
can live in this country undetected.

Got to give them credit
for originality.

- How's it going, B.A.?
- Give me a minute.

I just hope that fool knows what
to do when he hears the tone.

Well, that thing won't reach
all the way into LA, will it?

No. This is a short-range transmitter
signal. Only goes about 200 yards.

Well, there's a piece
of encouraging news.

Got a relay in the van. The transmitter
in there can send to anywhere.

Give me the code, Hannibal.

Sixteen minutes past 6:00.

Let's talk about the road
that you traveled.

Then let's plan
your trip to glory.

6:16, 6:16.

6:16, 6:16.

6:16 is...

"Mayday. Superior force."

Superior force?
But I'm but one man.

A kind of nutty one
at that, I...

How am I gonna take on
a superior force?

♪ Onward, Christian soldiers ♪

♪ Marching as to w*r ♪

♪ With the cross of Jesus ♪

♪ Marching as before ♪

We'll get them
in their own truck...

take them to that meadow
across that road there.

The white-haired guy can tell us funny
stories while he digs his grave.

It's theater of the absurd.
Wait till you hear it.

You know me, Hannibal. I always like
to keep a positive attitude, you know.

But Murdock is one man
and they have 30.

Where's he gonna
get the troops that he needs?

Are you ready?

Now, I'm gonna
circulate among you...

and I'm gonna ask you
to fill out a card.

Last name first.

First name, middle name last.

Then, your m*llitary rank,
if any...

and your m*llitary specialty.

Now I'm gonna
ask you a question.

How many of you boys
have seen service...

in this great nation of ours?

Raise your sinners' hands.
Good.

Now I'm gonna ask you
a more important question.

How many of you
can make yourself invisible?

Raise your hands.

Only one. Good.

And what's your name, sir?

Murdock, Howling Mad.
US Army. Captain.

All right, Captain Murdock.

It's gonna be up to you to
turn these men into an army.

Roger.

On command. Ready.
Forward march!

We're gonna have
a little bit of trouble.

Gentlemen,
correct me if I'm wrong.

R. Miller, gunner sergeant,
United States Air Force?

Affirmative.

P. Neil, m*llitary weapons
analyst, United States Army?

Yes, sir.

Gentlemen, I have
three a*t*matic weapons.

One will be secured
by yours truly...

the other two handled
expertly by yourselves.

You will now gain control of this
vehicle, heeding my direction only.

The rest of you men
in the catering truck.

But, men, remember...

some of us won't be coming back.

But those of us that do,
will be back...

and those of us that don't come
back won't be coming back.

Now, I point this out because if you
don't come back, you won't be back.

And if you do come back,
you will be back.

Any questions?

Road to Hope Rangers, mount up.

Well, this is more like it.

You should have seen the last
one I had to dig. Solid rock.

But this is great.

We'll be finished with this
in no time.

Well, there's a piece
of nifty news.

Hey, man, you guys
must be crazy...

if you think I'm gonna
dig my own grave.

There's always one shirker,
right, Jack?

Keep it up, whitey...

'cause I'm gonna waste you.

k*lling you
is really gonna make my day.

I got a great riddle for you.

What are 30 winos
doing in a catering truck?

Who cares?

Well, now, that could be
a great mistake, Jack.

Because they're all armed and
they're all right behind you.

You know, my little jokes
seemed to bother you, Jack...

but now you're lucky
I got a sense of humor.

You guys were great.
You guys were all great.

We had a great commander.

Please! Please, please,
I don't wanna hear it.

I did what I did because if I didn't
do it, it would have got done.

And I might add
that not doing it...

would have been a lot worse than doing
it badly, which I was not about to do.

But, please, I...

I feel... I feel like
I have to scoot over...

because Father Harry Dean
Hanover wants to get a word in.

It was a fine,
fine piece of work, men.

A fine piece.

Now, how many of you are gonna
swear off that demon rum?

Good. Good.

And how many of you are gonna take
that other path to a greater glory?

I'm gonna live with my daughter.

I'm gonna take the room
above my kid's garage.

Well then, my work here...

My work here is finished.

There's nothing left
for me to do...

but to become invisible
and slowly disappear.

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.

Well, I'm taking this car back.

I can't have a car
full of holes.

That's one noisy clock
you got there, Face.

I think we did
some good down here.

Yeah, man. You called it,
and that fool Murdock did it.

Makes you wonder who's crazy.