03x21 - The Strippers

[bunniefuu]

Just the girl
I've been waiting for.

- Hiya, bonbon!
- Oh! Ray! Put me down.

'You big ox!
Put me down.'

Ha ha ha!
Put me down!

- Put me down.
- Alright.

Uh, he's a friend of mine.

I've never seen you
in this uniform before.

Ray Conner, this is Jon Baker,
Frank Poncherello.

'Hi.'

Look, Mr. Conner, about the way
you drove in here--

I was just showing off
for Bonnie.

Wasn't very smart.

- I'm sorry.
- Ray.

- It's no big deal.
- Come on.

I'll show you where
to park your car.

Look, on the road,
I drive by the book, okay?

Nice meeting you.

Ray, I need more time.

This pressure's
making it worse.

Alright.
I'll take you to dinner.

No pressure.
Just you and me.

Alright?

'Cause you mean
a lot to me.

That's pressure.

Alright.
You take me to dinner.

What?

Oh!

Who's Bonnie with?
Is that her new heartthrob?

- Well, you know what I mean.

She's got something on her mind.

Some dude was here to see her.

- I thought he left.
- She met up with him out back.

Yeah. His name is Ray Conner.

Ray Conner?

'The stunt driver'

with the "Joie Chitwood
Thrill Show?"'

Is that who she's dating?

I don't know.
I didn't meet him.

The Chitwood Show
is in town or it's coming.

Oh, come on, guys.

We got no right to pry
into Bonnie's private life.

And it doesn't matter
who she goes out with.

It's none of our business.
So forget it, alright?

I'll find out.

Jon, you know
as well as I do

in a high-speed chase
on a motorcycle

you're at the mercy of
the inherent instability

of the single-track vehicle.

What?

In danger, man.

Only two wheels
on the ground.

If you get up to
70-80 miles an hour

do you know what
the department says to do?

Call a car and slow down.

You know...I never thought
I'd hear the day

that you said "slow down"
but you're right.

We take too many chances.

And I've been the worst,
I know.

But not anymore, not me.
Nope, not me.

Going to be
Mr. Careful, huh?

No. Let's just say Mr. Cool.

Next street is ours.

Right at the next corner.

- Hey, listen, man--
- Stuff it.

Turn right.

Uh, ladies and gents..

'...me and me two mates, uh,
don't want you to be too late'

to wherever you might be going,
so just deposit your wallets

and money clips
into that nice big sack.

'Lively now, and we'll
soon be on our way.'

Let's go take a look
at the freeway, huh?

Right.
A little excitement.

Maybe some high-speed pursuits.

You've been a wonderful group.

Have a nice day.

Hey! Come here!

'We need some help over here!'

'Come on. Everybody hold on.'

- Hey!
- Come on!

Now, maybe we can
get some help.

We had a robbery.
Three men robbed the bus.

Took off in a tan Sedan
in that direction.

Alright.
Wait here.

You get hurt?
Somebody get hurt?

You alright?

- Phew.
- Ha ha ha.

You guys are alright.

Stamped with
the right label, I say.

Oh, man, I still don't believe
that we did that.

I am so scared
that I'm still shaking.

Davey Mulach,
you're the best bass player

I ever heard.

Who cares if you're
a nervous thief?

Hey, man, if we
get enough loot

we'll be pressing
a demo record within a week.

Yeah, super. That's if we're not
pressing license plates first.

- No. Not yet.

Did you get the license number
of that car?

Yeah. It was 3-5-0 B-A-R
or 8-5-0 B-A-R.

Anything?

They could have gone
a dozen different ways.

- Well, we're--

Okay. Ciao.

We're there.

Hey, man, I..

I don't think we got
more than a $100 here.

It just ain't worth
the risk we took.

It's a hundred more
than we had.

Hey, how's a fledgling artist
supposed to get on

when he steps off the boat
in a foreign land?

Yeah, yeah,
you're just off the boat

like I'm just off
the Planet Mars.

Lighten up, Dave.

If we're going to cut
a decent demo

we've got to pay
for backup musicians

studio time,
equipment, supplies.

We need a lot of grease.

'We need some
very heavy grease.'

Yeah, I-I know, Malcolm, but..

...stealing, man, that..
that just ain't my scam.

Well, look, think of it
as borrowing, Davey

from a public that will soon

be worshipping at our shrine.

Yeah, man!

♪ Well you think
I look so bad ♪

♪ Yeah yeah

♪ Well you ought
to read my mind ♪

♪ Yeah yeah

♪ 'Cause those that know
what's coming down ♪

♪ Are never so unkind

♪ Are never so unkind

♪ Never so unkind

♪ Never so unkind

♪ Never so unkind

♪ Are never so unkind

Hey, Bonnie!

I guess once I've knocked

it's too late to say..

"I hope I'm not intruding."

Well, come on in.
Come on in.

Betty's off to her art class,
and, uh, Timmy's asleep

and I'm just, well,
I'm putting in some hobby time.

Hey, can I get you anything?

- Coffee would do fine.
- Okay. Wait just a minute.

Here you go.
Sit down.

And don't worry,
I'll only, uh..

...stay long enough
for you to tell me..

...what to do with
the rest of my life.

Well, if it was that easy

you could've just phoned me.

Uh, I've heard about
a handsome stranger

so, uh, my voices tell me

you've just come
from a heavy date.

He was a high-school senior,
I was 9 years old.

And I fell madly in love.

Oh. We're talking about..

- Ray Conner.
- Ah, right.

Actually, we're talking about

this hot little go-cart he had.

He taught me
how to drive it.

He taught me everything I know
about professional driving.

That's right. You were into
dirt track racing, right?

Hey, I was the dirt track queen

of Marion County, Iowa.

Oh, well. Your Majesty.

Anyway, I quit
to go to college

and Ray went on
to the big time.

He's with
the "Joie Chitwood Show."

Joie Chitwood.
He's terrific.

Anyway...they're thinking
of adding a girl to the show.

Ray's been talking up my case.

And I'm a darn good driver.

He made me an offer last week.

What do your voices say
to them apples?

First voice,
loud and clear.

Tell them, No thanks.
You're a happy cop.

They're offering me
almost $30,000.

Twice as much money
for half the work.

And I love it.

Well, second voice says, um..

resign, accept.

The offer's too good to pass up.

That's Ray Conner's good advice.

Well, listen, my voices
have all the answers.

You just pick the one
you like best.

The best advice is no advice.

- But, uh..

So, you won't think
that I'm trying to, uh, cop out.

You see these things?

I cut and polish them
as a...as a hobby.

- They're beautiful.
- Yeah.

They're crystalline quartz.

I'm...sort of
a geologist, Bonnie.

Believe it or not,
I'm a closet expert

on gemstones.

About four years ago

a dealer made me
a fabulous offer.

Obviously, I didn't accept,
for one reason only.

'I used my vacation time'

'to acquaint myself
with the job.'

'And you know
what I found out?'

For me...there was nothing
quite as right

as what I was doing.

The patrol.

What if it turned out
the other way for me?

Well, um..

We would give you
a farewell party

that would make
the Mardi Gras

look like
a halo salesmen's convention.

- Look.

'Slow down, Skeet.'

That's it, lads.

'The new target.'

What are you talking about?

Yesterday,
only $100 and change

not worth the risk,
I think you said.

It wasn't.
We need $2,000.

We picked the wrong bus,
a commuter bus.

Commuters carry lunch money.

But think of tourists,
Davey Boy.

Yeah, shoppin' money.

Cameras, souvenirs we can pawn
before anyone's the wiser.

Oh, man.

- Skeet, we'll need a car.
- Okay.

Dave, you line up
the pawn shops.

And tomorrow
we'll find ourselves

a Hollywood tour..

- ...for the taking.
- That-a-boy, Mal!

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
if you'll look quickly

to your right,
you'll get a peek at

'what used to be the Jade Cafe'

'the stars' favorite
cocktail spot.'

'It's that little shoe store.'

Now, there's plenty of time

for you all
to reload your cameras

while we make our way
to the Chinese Theatre

for prints
of Hollywood's immortals.

Ladies and gentlemen

'are we all having
a wonderful trip?'

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Very nice.
- 'Very nice.'

Now comes the time
of reckoning.

Me mate will pass among you
with a nice big sack for you

to put your valuables into.

'Watches, wallets

cameras, jewelry, cash.'

No sniveling, no holdouts.

You be nice

and we'll be nice.

It's in a very worthy cause.

You really want
to get somebody hurt?

'Don't sh**t.
He's just nervous. That's all.'

Hey, that bus just
ran over my motorcycle.

Okay. I'll send a unit.

15, 7 David.

Any unit in the vicinity
of Sepulveda north of Culver?

7 David,
Mary 3 and 4 westbound

Wilshire from Westwood.

Jon, got a hit and run
holiday tour bus.

Uh, might be
a hijack situation.

- 10-4.

It's been a great
pleasure, folks.

I want you to have
a fine tale to tell

all your friends back home.

Welcome to Hollywood.

10-97, Jeb.
Sarana east of Sepulveda.

Hey! We need help!

Over here! Here!

They took off.

You've got to help us.
There's three guys.

They robbed us,
and they went down that street.

15, Mary 3. We got an 11-83
at, uh, Orchid and Russell.

Stay right there.

- Yahoo!
- Ha ha ha!

I think we ought to give up
the music business

and go into bank robbin'.

Not banks, Skeet, trains.

That's more our style,
robbing ruddy trains.

Bus robbing
is mostly for nerds

but this trio has
a professional approach.

They feel pretty confident,
so they'll strike again.

They've already cost us
too much time doing paperwork.

Not to mention
the chances we took in pursuit.

Local authorities will continue

to get our full cooperation

but it would not hurt me
one bit if it was us

who nailed those jerks.

I thought pursuit
was your favorite pastime.

What you got against
caution, huh?

Now, uh, we're rotating
three officers

for traffic control at
the "Joie Chitwood Thrill Show"

while it's in the area.

Uh, check the duty roster.

If any of you want to make any

body-for-body trades,
see me today.

Oh, by the way,
if any of you want to see

the "Chitwood Show"
while it's in the area

'uh, they're having
a run-through'

'for a motion picture
tomorrow afternoon.'

'Just show your ID
at the press gate.'

Okay. That's it.

- Yeah, sure.

Uh, yeah, we'll check it out.

I guess the racetrack's
not the only place

Crazy Ray's fast.

That's not the way it is.

You're really something
sometimes.

- Hey, uh, Bonnie!
- Uh, Frank, Frank.

I think Conner is giving Bonnie
trouble she doesn't need.

Just hold it a minute.

Don't try and misunderstand.
It's already been done.

The best thing you can do
for Bonnie right now

is just give her
a lot of space.

I guess you know
better than we do.

Uh, you're right.
I'm the sergeant.

What do you think, big guy?

'Ladies and gentlemen'

'here's a big welcome
to all the guests'

of the "Joie Chitwood
Thrill Show."

'You're going to see
the whole show today'

'but remember,
it's being filmed for a movie'

'and you're all going to be
in the picture.'

'So enjoy yourselves!'

'Now, when you
see something you like'

'let's hear from you.'

'And now,
the "Joie Chitwood Show"

presents their own unique style
of precision driving.

'Joie Chitwood Junior
and his brother Tim'

'do some dangerous driving now
on two wheels!'

Oh, man,
that's insanity.

Poetry and precision.

Two wheels on the ground
are bad enough on a motorcycle.

In a car, insanity.

'Here comes Crazy Ray Conner.'

'He's okay!'

'The Sidewinder,
ladies and gentlemen.'

'Not something
we recommend you try

'with the family station wagon.'

'Seriously, folks'

'the Chitwood thrill drivers
are trained professionals.'

'These stunts are not
to be tried by the amateur.'

Hope everyone remembers that,
or we're in big trouble.

Grossman, you got to be
out of your tree

to even think
of doing this stuff.

'Now the treacherous
Wall of Fire!'

- Alright.
- Yeah.

Alright!

'Now, ladies and gentlemen'

'the incredible
Ramp to Ramp Pipe Jump!'

- That's the way you drive, Jeb.
- Yeah. Thanks. Thanks.

'Presenting the daring
"Chitwood Thrill Show" drivers!'

Alright.

'Crazy Ray Conner!'

'Tim Chitwood!'

'And the world's greatest
thrill driver'

Joie Chitwood Junior!

You know, Ponch,
once you saw the show

I thought you'd probably want
to quit the patrol and sign up.

Not me.
Not in this lifetime.

All it is
is geometry in motion.

I always hated geometry.

- Hey, hi, g*ng.

I'm glad you're here.

Joie Chitwood, Tim Chitwood,
these are Bonnie's friends.

Hey, how are you doing?

This is Jon Baker,
Frank Poncherello

and this is her boss
Sgt. Getraer.

I'm afraid Ponch thinks
you're a little weird.

No, no.

I just can't dig on risking
your life for a living.

Well, Ponch here,
he's a little conservative.

Oh, yeah,
and I'm a Chinese fry cook.

Well, hey, we get into
some tight situations

but, um, we don't have
to stay there.

I mean,
we have a choice.

Speaking of choices, Bonnie,
have you made yours?

- I guess you better tell them.
- Yeah.

- Come on, guys. Let's go.
- See you later.

- Nice to meet you.
- See you. Take care.

- You bet.
- See you then.

Uh..

The Chitwoods
have asked Bonnie

to join their show.

Is that what that was all about?

So she'd leave the patrol?

They made her an offer,
and a good one.

Is she serious
about accepting?

She's going to take
some vacation time

and, uh, work out
with the show

and then decide
between them and us.

'Oh!'

Well, looks like "them"
is a little ahead of us.

Okay, Bonbon.
There's a point of no return.

Now, If you get nervous
before you reach it

you crawl back
in here, alright?

Oh, I will.

Alright, wave your arms
when you get out there.

It will help you
with your balance.

Go.
- Okay.

Ha ha ha!
Alright!

- Alright!
- Ha ha ha.

'Ha ha ha.'

I was thinking
of joining the show.

You were sounding off
all over the place.

So?

Hey, there had to be a lot of
people who thought you were

out of your mind when you wanted
to join the highway patrol.

- Yeah.

Bonnie, if this show
is what you want--

So, say it is.

How do you vote?

Oh, come on, Ponch.

Give me a nudge
one way or the other.

Bonnie, how do you vote
on somebody's life?

Just remember,
whichever way you decide

I'm for you.

Jon, every act's well rehearsed.

You know, conditions
are controlled.

Bonnie's in more danger
with you guys

any given day of the week
than she'd ever be with us.

Look, Ray, what
I'm worried about

is you hitting on her
with all that romantic jive.

Oh, the way I see it, pal

that's not really any
of your business.

As her friend, I think it is,
or I wouldn't bring it up.

She's got good friends.

And Bonnie was her own woman,
even when she was a kid.

This will be her choice.

Hers.

Alright. I guess
that about does it...friend.

Here, the Olympic games
were held in 1932

and this famous stadium will be
the site of the 1984 Olympics.

I've got a name for the group.

Not the Stubs again, Mal.

I know, Blind Albatrosses.

No, no.

No, I thought we'd call
ourselves The Busboys.

Next stop, the world famous
farmers market.

So, get ready
for a real nice lunch.

It might be a touch
late for lunch, love.

Drive straight ahead.

Oh, no. No!

No.

'Out of the driver's
seat, mate.'

'I'm in charge
of this bus now.'

Dave!

'Everybody sit still.
Nobody move.'

Jon, do you think Bonnie
is really going to quit?

Oh, I don't know.

It's kind of like your sister
wanting to leave home.

Now, no family
stays together forever.

In fact, uh,
we thought about

quitting once or twice
ourselves, you know?

I might someday, but not to risk
my neck for a living.

I want something
quieter, safer, more secure.

I know I'm changing, Jon,
but sooner or later

everybody settles down.

Yeah.

Fill the sack.

The sooner you fill it,
the sooner it's over.

Hey...check that out.
Look.

Hey, lady,
shut that window!

Please. Please, lady.
You'll only make it worse.

Breaker, Breaker, Any Smokey,
C.H.P. 10-10 in a wrapper.

Baker H-7-1-2,
Poncherello B-600. Come on.

Baker, 7 David,
good buddy.

What's your
plain brown? Go.

No. This is
Ponch's Firebird.

'Now, we're following
a Sterling Tour bus.'

Gateway north
from Barrington.

It may be rolling
to 2-11. Yeah.

10-23.

Jon, 7 David.

Baricza is 10-39,
coming up behind you.

10-4, Jeb.

In the bus,
pull over immediately!

'Pull that bus over
right now!'

Pull the bus over immediately!

Stop the bus!

Malcolm, stop!
You're going to hurt somebody.

7 David, this is Baker.

If you can hear me,
we're headed north

on 405 for National.

10-4, Jon.
I'll bring help.

Hey, man,
is he quitting?

Let me show him the badge.

Highway patrol!
Pull it over!

Hey, that cost me some chrome.
I can feel that.

Hey, watch it!

Whoa!

- Hey, Ponch!
- Hey, don't bother me.

- I wanna talk to you.

About what you're
trying to do!

I'm going to try
and save my paint job.

Is there anything
on the right?

I can't see
without shifting my weight.

Don't shift your weight!
Don't, don't, don't!

Don't shift your weight!

We're at the mercy
of the inherent instability

of being on just two wheels.

Hey, Ponch, is that you?

Yeah, Jeb,
this is Ponch.

Oh, any special reason
for that? Ha ha ha!

Is there anything on our right?

No, it's clear.

I'll run a break for you.

Okay, Ponch,
we can come down now.

Let me do it.
Let me do it!

Ha ha ha.

Hey, that was
really great, Ponch.

I mean, beautiful.
You know--

Jeb, don't talk to me, okay?

Hey, listen,
it wasn't anything.

Ponch was just trying
to protect his paint job.

Ha ha ha.

Alright, hit your beats.

You know, I keep wishing

that Bonnie had been here
to see you, Frank.

I wish Bonnie
had been here to do it.

Hey, hey, the Chitwoods
never did a better job

of skiing on two wheels
than Ponch did.

- Synchronicity.

Unrelated similar events.

Like, remember when all those
shark movies came out

then all of a sudden there were
all these shark att*cks?

Synchronicity.

Yeah, right, Grossman.

An arcane parallel between Ponch

and the "Chitwood Thrill Show."

Don't you see it?

Yeah.

They don't see it.

Grossie, yesterday was
a one in a million coincidence.

It had nothing to do
with the Chitwoods.

You know, I wouldn't do
what they do

for a million dollars
in diamonds.

I don't think
you understand synchronicity.

L.A. 15, Mary 5.

I got an Angel City tour bus

southbound on
Chapman from Anderson.

'There's no tourist attraction
in this area. 10-23.'

Uh, Mary 5, S-4.

Observe the bus,
but make no contact.

Units in the vicinity
of Chapman and Anderson lane

'assist Mary 5, but do not
create a hostage situation.'

If it is a rolling 2-11

wait until the suspects
leave the bus.

Units responding,
stay on channel two with Mary 5.

Thanks a lot, folks.

You're the best group we've had.

Is this glamorous
enough for you?

I told you we should have gone
to the Catskills.

If you say that once more,
I'm flying home!

They're out of the bus.

15, Mary 5. I'm in pursuit
of the tour bus bandits.

'A light gray
1970 Plymouth 4-door'

'northbound Watson Avenue,
from the Bryce Overpass.'

'10-4, Mary 5.'

'Mary 3 and 4
coming east on Parker.'

15, 7 Adam
southbound Watson from 57.

7 David westbound
43rd and Dixon.

Mary 5, gravel pit.

'They're trying to lose me
in the gravel pit.'

Grossie, this is Turner.

Baricza is in the gravel pit
from the south.

I'm in the east.

'Mary 3 and 4 entering the pit
from the west.'

'10-4. I still got them!'

'Jeb, is that you?'

'Right behind you, Barry.'

'Mary 5. Still about
50 yards behind them.'

'They're down at the bottom
of the pit.'

'Somebody coming west.'

'7 Adam. I got them.'

Hold on!

Watch it, Jeb.

What is this?

'Precision driving, man.'

Okay, who's the primary unit?

Whoever catches them
is the primary unit.

Now, let's stay out
of each other's way.

'I've lost them.'

'They're headed west.'

'Don't let them turn back!'

'Turner, where are you?'

'I'm up on your left.'

Roadblock!

You got them!

Hold it.
Don't move.

'Alright, head forward,
all units.'

'We've got 4 exits here.'

'Let's minimize the pursuit
and block the exits.'

'I don't want motorcycles'

'climbing sand piles
after those jokers.'

'They're trying to ride
over piles of loose gravel.'

'There are too many hazards
in this area.'

'Somebody could get hurt.'

'Let's have one unit
channel that car'

'towards the east entry.'

'Is that clear?'

'It's clear to us, sarge,
not them.'

- 'Watch out!'
- Ohh!

'Aah!'

'Pipe Jump.
They did the Pipe Jump.'

'There they are!'

'He's headed east.'

'Wall of fire! Yay, Bear!'

We're in the wrong business.

Chitwood makes a fortune
doing this.

You amaze me, Bear.
You've got style.

'Keep 'em coming.
They're surrounded.'

'There's a truck
in the way.'

'Don't let them go
to the right!'

Hey, what's happenin' here?

Synchronicity!

For those of you
who don't have rides today

see me for special
arrangements.

- Hey, Bonnie!
- Hi.

And, uh, Officer Clark

has made a career decision.

I know you'll all be
as happy as I am

that she's decided
to come home.

Hey, alright!

Welcome back.

Thanks for steering me right
and giving me the time.

You bet.

Ha ha! And listen, guys.

I always felt your support
and no pressure

and that was terrific.

The thrill show was fun,
but the bottom line is

this is where I belong.

It may get dull sometimes.

It may lack the excitement
and the action

but...it's meaningful.

And like Ponch said

some of the stunts
that they do are insane.

Yeah. Right, Ponch?

I didn't say a word.