05x18 - El Capitan

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Hill Street Blues". Aired: January 15, 1981 - May 12, 1987.*
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The show chronicles the lives of the staff of a single police station located on Hill Street in an unnamed large city.
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05x18 - El Capitan

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on
hill street blues...

I was, like,
in the middle of a crisis.

Robin and me are back,
and you're acting all jealous.

- Of what?
- Robin.

Don't flatter yourself.

What if I took her
for a test spin?

You, uh--you mean
a--a solo drive?

You mean, you just
let some guy

Just drive off
in your bus like that?

So, gina, what do you say
we go out

And have a nice,
quiet victory celebration?

Henry and I are going
to the red lion.

[Overlapping chatter]

Lieutenant hunter's
motor home was stolen.

[Cheering]

The lieutenant has
asked me to emphasize

He doesn't want this
handled any different

Than any other
grand theft auto.

Meaning, he never wants
to see it again.

[Laughter]

Now, bci shows
a want on the perp.

He's a white male,
mid-30s,

Goes by the name
lawrence mckeever.

Real name, lonnie stone.

He's wanted in massachusetts
for snatching his son,

Aged six, named christopher,
on a custody dispute.

Uh, the guy's been leapfrogging
the country ever since

In stolen vehicles.

Complete description
upstairs.

Now, item 11--
assignments.

Officer coffey is released
from normal tour today.

He is going to be
attending a lecture

And a training session

With sergeant kass
of the canine quad.

[Officers barking]

Officer buzhardt's
gonna ride

With sergeant bates
again today.

All right.
Women, women, women, women!

Captain furillo today is
on a command retreat downtown

At the hotel marquis.

In his absence,

Lieutenant calletano has
assumed station command.

Captain marvel.

[Laughter]

Now, last item--

Last item is from division,

Who would like us to know
overtime is back.

[Cheering]

So, we've got these
balmy temperatures,

We've got the prospect

Of a few more bucks
in our pocketbook.

Let's ride that good feeling.
Let's get out there--

Do it to them
before they do it to us!

[Cheering]

Officer, uh,
coffey, right?

- Right.
- Sergeant kass.

- Nice to meet you.
- How are you?

You've got ginger here
and baron.

Oh, boy.

So, are you guys gonna
be nice to me

On my first day or what?

There you go. Good manners.
Shake hands.

Who's your man?
Come on, shake.

There you go.
Baron's new too.

Don't worry--
I got him in customs.

- Great.
- Let's go.

Good morning, stan,
howard.

Ray.

Lieutenant goldblume
wasn't at home.

You started without me,
but I'll forgive you.

I have planned
no major shakeups.

Standard squad room.
Howard will lead us.

Henry, you'll--

Uh, I have a lunch
today, ray.

No problem.

I'll cover for you,
old sport.

Good, howard. I appreciate
the extra pitching in.

Well, let's have
a good shift.

Yeah.

Oh, frank, the retreat
has been canceled?

No, no, no, no, you're
still in command, ray.

Just thought I'd take
some paperwork along

In case there's a break.

Maybe if I get lucky,

Somebody will phone in
an emergency.

It looks good.

You don't mind?

It's entirely appropriate.

Thanks.

[Siren]

We have a 9-11.
Armed robbery in progress.

See surplus store, corner of
peebles drive and 124th street.

[Piano music]

♪♪

How are you doing, guys?

Just swell, sir.

I see you're drinking
some of rosa's tea.

That's rosa's?
It's nice.

I thought, why shouldn't
we have a choice?

Thanks.

Any problems today?

Because if you do
have any problems--

Well, it's this
damn sore throat.

C.

Right.

I'm here.

My office door is open.

Can you imagine
if that hombre

Becomes a full-fledged
capitano?

[Imitates ray's accent]
I know you have some problems.

That's why my door
is always opening.

Oh, give the man
a chance, renko.

He's a little nervous.

This tea is bitter.

Mmm! It's good for you.

Hi.

Hi. What are you
doing here?

You forgot your lunch
this morning.

I was gonna eat
at the diner.

Oh, and you also forgot
your dry-cleaning ticket.

The stuff's not ready
until tomorrow.

I know.
I just wanted to see you.

[Laughs]

Hey, sarge,
what do you think?

Change your mind
about dinner tonight?

Can't.
Bowling.

You won't believe a nice,
italian girl like me

Could make one of the world's
great kielbasas?

The bowling league is not
until tomorrow night, sarge.

I've got to redrill my ball.

So, another time maybe.

Yeah.

I gotta go.

[Kiss]

I love you.

[Razor buzzing]

How goes the loneliness
of command, ray?

So far, so good,
lieutenant.

You look terrible.
Oversleep?

Uh-uh. No sleep.

[Exhales]

I have never
in my life, ever,

Spent a night
like I spent last night.

You sound like
a man in love.

I never thought of myself
as a lover,

But last night, this woman
rotated me 180 degrees.

I am deeply physically,
emotionally,

Physically in love.

It's like a building
fell on me.

Mmm, I know
what you mean.

Even after 22 years,

Every time rosa and I
make love,

It's like--like a building
falling on me too.

I'm happy for you.

Thanks, ray.

If you want to talk,
I'm free for lunch.

I got a date, remember?

But if an emergency
comes up,

You can find me
at the hotel wellington.

[Toilet flushes]

[Hard kick]

We're gonna be throwing
the spotlight

On a lot of things you've
been keeping buried--

Resentments, animosities
that you've built up,

Maybe some things

That you haven't even
admitted to yourself yet.

Now, there are
some ground rules.

Number one,
there's no v*olence.

You can yell,
you can scream,

But if you strike
another guy, you're out.

Two, there's
no rank here.

We're all equals.

We're on
a first-name basis.

That's number three.

This is ridiculous.

So, I'm mike.
Uh, and you're--?

[Speaks under his breath]
warren.

Uh, I didn't hear that.

Warren.

- Ah.
- [Chuckles]

Are you
uncomfortable, warren?

Would you like to take off
your coat and tie?

What is that, part of
the rules or what?

No, I'm just saying
you can if you want to.

Oh, and there's
no hardware here.

You're not gonna
need it--

Although, at times,
you may feel like you do.

[Siren]

[Brakes screech]

[Overlapping chatter]

What can I do for you?

Officer.

Yes?

I--i ran a light.

I--you know, I thought
if I stopped too fast,

I might lose control
of the car.

Uh-huh.

Anything else, officer?

Well, I think you might

Get that steering wheel
checked out

Before it melts on you
completely.

Huh?

[Laughs]

No, nothing.

Um, license
and registration, man.

Ooph.

Paul stover?
Is that you?

Yes, sir.

Hmm.

Is this your stover,
mr. Car?

- Yes, sir.
- Uh...

Hmm?

Look.

No!

[Laughing]

Well, mr. Stover,
the good news--

We're gonna let you go
with a warning today.

The other good news
is that you win an award

For having the ugliest
driver's license

I ever saw in my life.

[Laughter]

Look at the picture, man.

You are allowed to wear
your false teeth

When you have them
pictures taken.

[Laughter]

I forgot 'em that day.

"I forgot 'em
that day."

You're all right.

Just a moment, sir.

[Laughter]

"I forgot 'em
that day."

You know what?

I am about to
just fall out, man.

Me too!

[Laughter]

He looks like mister ed.

[Laughter]

Bobby.

Huh?

I feel strange.

I feel like

Someone has perpetrated
something on us,

And I am certain that
I am under the influence

Of some illegal substance.

Yeah.

Strange.

Bobby...

Did I ever tell you
that I consider you

To be the brother
than I never had?

Renko, you have
a brother.

I know, but sometimes
I feel that you are me...

That I'm over here,
and you're over there.

You are me.

I feel, my brother,

I'm trying to tell you
that I love you.

Oh.

That's what I'm--
I'm trying to tell you.

Vice-versa, andy.
Vice-versa, man. Oh.

I know.

Can I get
my license back?

Who are you?

[Overlapping chatter]

Get away from us,
please.

I stalled out, officer.

We're just about
hooked up.

Yeah, nice going, stopping
in the driving lane.

It's the only way
I could get close.

Look, you're jamming traffic.
Get it moved.

Jeez, we're almost hooked up.
Could he just--

Get it moved
or get it cited, pal.

Officer buzhardt, check your
item 10 roll call site.

Get in position, please.

[Door slams]

- Hey!
- Aah!

No mistakes now! Don't
make me do something now.

Okay, just take it easy.
Take it real easy.

Yeah, we'll all
take it easy.

We all just
recognized each other.

Open the door, chris!

We're going inside,
buzhardt,

And you're going
inside with us.

Okay, okay,
just don't k*ll me.

I'm not gonna k*ll you.
Come on.

Hey, hey, look,
I got an idea here.

Nobody's been hurt.
The kid's there.

Just put that g*n down
right now

And we'll work it out--
what do you say?

I'm with you, lady.

Give me someone
to talk to,

We'll work it all out.

Get the door,
get the door.

The window, chris!

[Sirens]

Move out.
Swat in position.

How are we doing, folks?

Got me someone
to talk to?

Mr. Stone, it's lieutenant
howard hunter.

Are you kidding me?

Not on your life.

A little late, getting back
from my test drive.

[Howard]
the hell with the vehicle,
mr. Stone.

I was hoping
we could negotiate

A safe conclusion
to this situation.

How's your boy
and officer buzhardt?

Everyone's hunky-dory.

No offense, lieutenant--

Have you got the weight
to make a deal?

I have full authorization
to hear your request.

That's real clever
how you put that, lieutenant,

So in case you think
we're gonna be dancing around

With word games like that,

I want you to listen
to somebody.

Look, he's not kidding.

He's gonna give you
a real list,

And he wants
answers right away.

He's not kidding.

Okay, lieutenant?

So, let's not dish out
the crapola with,

You're allowed to
hear what I want.

I'm gonna throw out
this list.

If you can't
give me answers,

You read it
to whoever can.

Then I want to
hear it from you.

Okay, here comes the list.

A little slower, howard,
please.

A twin-engine seaplane.

Raymundo, there is no way
in god's green earth

That we are going to
accede to those demands.

Judas priest, why are you
writing them down?

[Ray]
you have it on record.

We have warrants
from seven different states.

We've also heard from
massachusetts,

And his ex-wife
is flying here,

So I don't think
we want him to know that.

Are you sure, ray?

I mean, the only dents
we seem to make on him

Are on the subject
of his boy's welfare.

Use your judgment,
but remember,

This man kidnapped
his son.

He may not think kindly
of the mother.

How is buzhardt?

Well, she's a little
frayed at the edges.

Calletano, I didn't mean to snap
at you before, old sport.

It's all right, howard.
Keep in contact.

[Harry]
what do you
call it, then?

I call it people
being adult

And going out with who
they want to go out with.

Yeah?
Well, I call it stealing.

Plus, he comes in
this morning.

Is he man enough
to tell me? No.

He tells calletano.

- You're a child.
- Who, I'm a child?

Yes.

Gee, you're right,
I'm acting like a jerk.

If a woman doesn't want me,
it's not goldblume's fault.

Harry, there's lots
of women out there

Who'd like to date you.

Uh, you, uh,
are you one of 'em?

Nice.

Someone else
loads your g*n,

And you want me
to pull the trigger.

[Knocking]

[Gina]
who is it?

It's the police, ma'am.
Open up.

[Gina]
is anybody else out there?

No, ma'am, just me.

Hi, henry.

Holy moly.

Like it?

Like doesn't begin
to describe it.

[Clattering]

Uh...

Maybe you'd better
come inside.

Ever since you left
this morning,

I haven't been able to think
of anything else but you.

Me either.

I can't keep my hands
off of you.

I admire that
in a woman.

And it's not just sex
either.

Not that the sex
isn't incredible,

Because it is with you,

But it's deeper
than sex.

It's like we're fused.

I know.

Henry.

What?

I want you,

Today,

Tomorrow,

Forever.

I want to make you happy
in every conceivable way.

I totally,
totally love you.

So, there I was, thinking
I'd get a b*ating.

Well, I had a black eye.

Maybe I was more scared
she'd start thrashing me too

For going
to that playground.

But the thing
mom told me that day

Has stayed with me
all my life.

Fletcher, it's not the size
of the dog in the fight,

It's the size
of the fight in the dog.

Oh, please.

The men know that,
that I'm a battler

In my struggles
for their welfare.

I may ruffle a few feathers
along the way.

I'm not always
the perfect gentleman.

But damn it, when you've got
daniels in your corner,

You've got him
for all 15 rounds.

Excuse me.

[Fletcher]
where are you going?

It's k*lling me.
I can't stand it anymore.

You got something you
want to tell me, joe daley?

Yeah, you're here,

Talking all the time
how the men respect you,

They know
you're on their side.

You haven't the faintest idea
what these cops think.

[Fletcher]
suppose you tell me.

They think all you're concerned
about is your image.

You couldn't care less
about them.

That's not fair.

And you were gonna
clean things up,

And the department
still has more rat holes

Than the north street
bridge.

I've done everything in my power
to eradicate corruption.

No, you haven't, chief.

When push came to shove,
it was what joe said.

You were more concerned
with the department's image

Than with its honesty.

Et tu, frank.

Stan miselle,
tony marino, jerry fuchs,

Joe keenan's still
getting a paycheck.

Who else? Huh?
Who else hates my guts?

[Plate clatters]

[Joe]
I can't eat this.

Where's the milk
I asked for?

Ulcer, joe?

You know when I got it?

When he took over
the department.

Fletcher, how do you
feel right now?

Oh, in a day of
rancid stupidity,

That question
takes the cake.

How do you feel?

Like I'm being savaged
by a pack of dogs.

There you go.

That's what he thinks
of us.

Why don't you check
your watch, joe?

Not every man has
the privilege to know

To the exact second
when his career ended.

You're out of line,
fletcher.

Hey, my career ended the day
he took over the department.

Fair enough.
No, that's fair.

'Cause you know why, mike?

I got a snoop detector
for mediocrity.

He was finished
when I came in.

[Joe]
and don't think
I didn't know it.

And don't think it didn't hurt
that I work that way.

So, what are you gonna
do now, fletch?

You gonna bury me in a desk
somewhere? So what?

I've got 18 years in.

Two more years,
and I'm out from under.

How is cooping in a desk
gonna be any different

From how you've run
the ferry, huh, joe?

The guy's got more dead wood
in his squad room

Than any other
three captains.

Joe's idea
of a personnel decision

Is hoping the man
gets a back problem.

[Mike]
fletcher, if you could
let go of your anger

For just a minute,

I think you'd hear joe

Trying to tell you something
very important.

He's telling you that
he's a non-functioning cop.

He's marking his time

With no commitment
to the future, no hope.

Oh, you're breaking
my heart.

Listen to
what's being said.

Now, I can judge the validity
of his allegations,

But I can validate
that man's pain

And the way he's shut himself
down, just to survive,

And that hurts everybody.

That hurts you,
that hurts joe,

But most of all,
it hurts the department,

Because joe's frustrations
just can't be his.

They're symptomatic
of something larger,

And it ought to be
looked at...

With some care...

By every one
of you here.

I wish I could give you
something more definitive,

Mr. Stone, but we haven't
gotten a "no."

[Siren]

What we have
are a bunch of maybes.

We ain't gonna get squat,
mr. Christopher.

[Jane]
well, how do you know?

I mean, maybe he really hasn't
gotten any answers yet.

[Howard]
mr. Stone, if we could
just be patient,

Under the circumstances...

They're gonna try
to wear father down.

They're gonna keep
talking to father,

Giving him the hip,
taking it away.

It's gonna be
a lot like life.

Mr. Stone...

[Sighing]

Mr. Stone.

Sorry, jane.

[Howard]
mr. Stone?

Yeah, thanks
for the insult

To my intelligence,
lieutenant.

I figure this is probably
a low priority item.

What with a cop and kid
being hostage,

You probably haven't been able
to get through to anyone.

I'm not through,
mr. Stone.

I just don't have any
definitive answers.

We're gonna do this front
to back, huh, lieutenant?

We started lying to each other
about this motor home.

We're gonna keep it up
until you blow me away.

That doesn't have to happen,
mr. Stone.

Why don't you send
your son out, sir?

Okay.

I kept it up as long
as I could, son.

I can't see any way now.

But I don't want to go.

You've got to,
christopher.

Now you've got to
go it alone.

You just remember
all of it, all right?

When they tell you
what it was

And what it wasn't,

You remember all of it.

Come here.

Someone coming!

[Kiss]

So long.

So long, dad.

I love you.

[Officer]
we have a door open.

All right,
it's the kid, it's the kid.

[Helicopter flying overhead]

Mr. Stone, an officer
is gonna pull up

With your car now.

I gotta see him.
May i? Let's go.

[Howard]
it's coming.

The car will be in
your possession shortly.

Listen, we can
both get out.

We can still both
get out.

We are both getting out.

Canada.

Crisp days,
very crisp nights.

Listen, they're not gonna
let you out of here.

You're a smart guy.

You gotta know, they're not
gonna let you leave.

[Howard]
officer buzhardt?
Officer buzhardt?

Here's what I hope.

[Howard]
mr. Stone, do you hear me?

I'm going to the doctor.

Here comes the doctor.
Close your eyes.

[Screaming]

You make a loud noise
in your head,

And you think of something
till it's over.

Then it's over.

You got your way.

You faked your way
through.

[Howard]
I need to hear

Officer buzhardt's voice,
mr. Stone.

[Helicopter flying overhead]

That little boy loves you.

[Crying]

You've got love
in your life.

Don't die.

I'm not gonna
screw around.

On position.
Prepare to as*ault.

[Buzzhardt]
hold it!

Hold it,
nobody fire!

- We're coming out!
- Hold it, hold it!

[Officer]
hold, it's a no-go.

Standing by.

[Helicopter flying overhead]

Come on out, mr. Stone.

[Overlapping chatter]

Okay, down, down!
Spread eagle!

[Groaning]

[Overlapping chatter]

All right,
dress him down.

Where's my son?
Where's my son?

Where's--where...

Natalie, you got
a little agua

For these hounds here?

Yeah, sure, there's a bowl
around here somewhere.

Ooh, nice doggy.

Okay, he likes you to rub
behind his ears.

[Barking]

Do you have a cat
in this place?

No.

Hey! Hey, easy!

[Barking]

[Overlapping chatter]

Easy, easy, easy!

Here, easy,
easy, easy!

What the hell's going on
with them mutts?

Easy, easy, baron.

What kind of good we
got here, huh, baron?

[Sniffing]

I don't know
who the prankster is

Or what's going on here,
but, uh,

You guys keep this stuff
up here regular or what?

What, that tea?

It's marijuana.

What do you mean,
marijuana?

That's what they're taught
to sniff out, sarge.

What's the problem here?

Dog says your tea
is marijuana.

Very high quality stuff
by the sounds of them.

I was led to believe it was
ordinary orange pekoe.

No, he don't bark
at pekoe.

[Sniffing]

I'm not a dog,

But to me, this smells
like ordinary tea....

[Sniffing]

Maybe with something
mixed in.

Does anybody here
have an apple or an app--

Hey, sarge, um, I know this
is gonna sound funny,

But anybody complain
about being lightheaded?

I mean, I know when the weather
is warm and everything,

It makes you feel
kind of lightheaded but--

Did either of you
happen to have

Any of
lieutenant calletano's tea?

Yeah, both of us.

It was loaded
with marijuana.

You and andy are stoned.

What's going on?

[Ray]
find out
who else is stoned

And make sure they
stay off the street.

Right. Come on,
let's clear out.

[Dogs barking]

Natalie, can we do this?
Lonnie stone.

Aka, lawrence mckeever.

Robbery,
attempted m*rder,

Reckless endangerment
of--

Hang on, hang on, guys.
Let me catch up.

Lieutenant, mr. Stiglitz,
line four.

Northwest fireman's
insurance.

Uh-huh!

Possession of w*apon,
resisting--

Nice work, jane.

A package for you,
lieutenant.

Kidnapping,
grand theft auto.

Leo, got a scissors?

Plus, out of state...

Thanks.

Bail jumping.

[Stone]
just in time to
watch me go down.

You coming up
for the execution?

You sick bastard!

Just don't screw up
the kid, huh?

Just don't screw him up

Like you screwed up
everything else!

Lieutenant,
this is the boy's mother.

I know how difficult
this is,

But you must be
prepared.

I know.
I've been warned.

Are you all right?

I think so.

This way.

Yosemite,
where the bears live.

Then we went
someplace else and stayed.

California?

Chris,
someone to see you.

Hi, chrissy.

[Crying]

[Laughs]

Henry, you hound.

You total schnauzer.

- Let me see it.
- Yeah.

Oh, man.

We're talking 2-4k here.

We're talking.
Uh-huh.

"My life is yours...
Gina."

Oh.

Do you believe that?
Brother.

Yeah, mr. Stud service.

Got what you wanted the
one time you ever got it.

You got a problem,
harry?

Nah, no problem.

Hey, guys, did henry
tell you about the time

I took him to
the dating service?

They sent him
an s&m queen.

- Hey, garibaldi.
- Lighten up, harry.

You know, lieutenant,

That girl has
been through a lot.

What she needs is somebody
to take care of her,

Not mess with her head.

"Mess with her head"?

That's right, mess with
her head,

Which is what
you're doing.

Hey, come on now!

Cut it out, man,
cut it out!

Come on!

Look, I'll tell her
you said hello.

Come on, man.

[Overlapping chatter]

- That was dumb.
- That was dumb.

You know what gets me?

The guy
is twice her age.

He's been married,
he's got kids.

You know, I bet his idea
of a great night

Is three hours of
watching public television.

24-Karat gold, babe.

I'd say the lady's made
her own choice.

Okay, up to now, I've stayed out
of things pretty much.

[Mike]
uh, that's okay.

That means we're having
a successful day so far.

I think you guys
are doing terrific.

I feel like hell.

That's as expected.

Now, as far as I know,

No one's come up
with a magical drug

For emotional hurt,
but I do know this--

That old cliche,
no gain without pain,

Has a lot of bearing.

As far as I'm concerned,
I don't care

If I ever see any
of these guys again

As long as I live.

Well, you just can't
expect to shake hands

And forget about
everything that's happened.

And when you put
your g*ns on today

And walk out of here,

I'm not saying
you're healed,

But we're bringing a lot
of poison to the surface.

Now, maybe in
the days to come,

You'll learn something
about forgiveness.

Three days from now,

Maybe you'll call
one of these guys up

And say,
"hey, I'm sorry,"

Or, "I didn't know,"

Or even,
"let's get together."

Now, in that spirit,

Does anyone have anything
they want to say?

Yeah, I'd like to say
something to joe daley.

Get a job.

Hey, that's a jerk cr*ck.

[Laughs]
it's a joke.

I'm trying to introduce
some levity.

You guys all take
yourselves so seriously.

[Scoffs]

Know what?

I got something
I want to say.

I quit.

What are you doing?

Fletcher, say something
to the man, will you?

Joe, joe--
come on, joe.

Honest to god,
I think I mean it.

Come on, fletcher,
for crying out loud.

Tell him his job's okay.

Not just 'cause
of what fletch said.

I don't need it.

I got a brother who d*ed of
a heart att*ck last year,

Two years younger
than me.

I want to lead a life.
I'm going home.

Joe, come on.

We'll have lunch
one day this week.

We'll iron it all out.

Well, he'll--he'll be
back tomorrow.

He'll, uh-- he'll
change his mind.

He'll be back.

Maybe not.

He's a man who's been
very unhappy

With what he's doing
for a long time.

I don't believe this.

This is what's wrong.

This is what's wrong with
this whole department here.

You all sit around here
and you let a guy

Screw up his entire
career like that?

He's got--he's got
two years to go.

Two years, fellas,

And you let him
walk out of here like that

And nobody
does anything?

Warren.

We just watched a man

Commit professional su1c1de
in this room!

Now, who says change
has to be a bad thing?

I'm so sick and tired of
your psychobabble baloney.

The next thing,
you're gonna be saying

That the reason I'm upset
is because

I wish I was doing
what joe just did.

Nobody's saying that.

Oh, I'm sick
of all of you.

I'm sick of the whole bunch
of you.

I'm sick of all of you--
the whole bunch of you.

[Muttering under his breath]

[Exhaling]
whew.

[Overlapping chatter]

Hey, sarge.

[Overlapping chatter]

What the hell is this?

Weekend shift.

I worked
the last two weekends.

You give it
to somebody else.

If you can work out
a trade on your own,

Be my guest.

[Overlapping chatter]

[Door slams]

I've had
a bellyful of this.

What's that, detective?

Of you giving me and robin
the cold shoulder.

Of you giving me
this kind of crap.

You've got no reason
to treat me like this.

To what are you referencing,
detective?

Don't give me that
"detective" crap.

I'm referencing
me and robin.

What do I have to do for you
and me to be friends again?

Break up with her?

Of course not.

A young man like yourself,
you should have a girl.

Then why
are you making it

Like I gotta choose
between you?

Look, I don't want to
be some old guy,

Hanging around between
the two of you,

You not knowing how
to tell me to go home

Without hurting
my feelings.

I got my pride.

Oh, hearing this
makes me angry.

Baloney.
Ah, baloney!

You picked me up
when I was down.

You treated me special.

I never had a friend
like that before.

I could talk to you like
I used to talk to my father.

I'm not your father,
and I don't want to be.

And I don't want one!

I needed a friend.

I thought I had one.
Maybe I was wrong.

[Snoring]

Mrs. Furillo!

I beg your pardon.

This is the ladies room.

I beg your pardon,
ma'am.

This is the men's room.

Oh.

Well, I certainly
hope so, for your sake.

Excuse me.

[Door closes]

Here, give me that.

Look, mick, i, uh--
I was hurt.

I, uh--i don't know.

I felt left out
in the cold.

I took it out on you.

I'm sorry.

Okay?

Pfft.

I'm sorry I said anything
about my daughter.

Her problems are none
of your damn business.

Hey, a lot of guys' daughters
have drug problems.

Look, I'm just saying,

I do not want any of this
coming back to me

From anybody here,
all right?

It won't be.
We've all agreed to that.

Okay, home stretch, guys.

I'm gonna put you
on the spot one last time.

I think we can agree
at this point

That no one here
is perfect.

Frank's perfect,
or thinks he is.

Assuming that, I want to ask
each of you in turn--

If there was one thing

That you could change
about yourself,

What would you change?

Like what?

I wish I wasn't
going bald.

You mean, like that?

I'm asking, if you could
reach down into your guts

And change something
fundamental about yourself,

About the way
you live your life,

What would you change?

If I was gene scapizzi,

I'd change my underwear
once in a while.

Hey, wiseguy,

Once is a little funny,
two is a little funny.

You've been sitting
over there all day.

You do it one more time,
I'm gonna come over,

And I'm gonna put my
fist down your throat,

You understand, huh?

Big man, huh?

If I could change anything,

I'd change
that I get so scared.

What scares you, gene?

Sometimes, everything.

What scares you
the most?

What scares me the most?

What scares me the most

Is that maybe my wife
is having an affair.

You're not scared, maybe.

You know she's having
an affair.

I put in my hours,
I go out for some drinks

With some of the guys
after work,

And I get home,
feeling dead inside.

Sometimes
she's not even there.

I don't know how to
tell her

I love her.

I don't want to ask her
any questions,

Because I'm afraid
of the answers.

My god, the woman
is so beautiful.

She must have lost 20 pounds
in the last six months.

She's got to be doing it
for somebody.

What would you change?

I just wouldn't want it
to be like that.

What would you do
to make it not like that?

Put my arms around her...

Tell her
how beautiful she is,

And I don't care who she's
getting herself beautiful for.

By god, I'd tell her
I love her.

I'd tell her I don't want to
feel dead inside anymore.

I hope you do that, gene.

How about you, pete?

Change my color.

Yeah, god help me, that's
what I would like to do.

I would like to
just change my color.

Why?

Because, um, I'm not as
brave as I'm supposed to be,

Because I'd like
things to be

Just a little bit easier.

What's your second choice?

[Laughter]

Okay.

Okay, um...

Um, I guess
I would like...

[Sighs]

For my frustrations not to
get to me all the time.

It seems like, um,

Sometimes I just
defeat myself.

How about you, frank?

I don't think
I can answer.

Told you.

The guy thinks
he's perfect.

No.
I reject the premise.

I have to live
with who I am,

Not who I'd want to be.

You can't sit here and
speculate about yourself

As if you could
reach down inside

And--and amputate
what you don't like.

But if you could, uh,
humor me.

I have to keep myself
reined in so tight.

What if you let go?

I can't trust myself.

I'm not like
other people.

I'm an alcoholic.

I'm capable of things
that are monstrous.

So, I have to take life
as it comes,

A day at a time.

Aa crap. I knew
that's what this was.

That crap saved my life.

Getting hooked on meetings
instead of bottles, huh?

Trading in your cocktails
for a couple of catchphrases

And penny ante psychology.

What do you need,
warren?

You're no better than
the rest of us, furillo.

I never said I was.

Yes, you do.
You say it every day.

St. Francis furillo,
with his altar boy manners

And his barbie doll wife
with--

Leave her out of it.

All right, all right.
Hey, hey, hey.

Frank, warren--
warren didn't mean anything.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

Disown the behavior,
frank.

Don't disown
the feelings.

You're--you're as miserable
as the rest of us, furillo.

You're--you're
as miserable as I am.

As I am.

[Horn honking]

[Overlapping chatter]

Lieutenant.

Oh, ray, you want to
catch me up?

Frank, there's something
I must explain to you.

[Overlapping chatter]

I brought in some tea
that had marijuana in it.

At least six people
drank it.

Marijuana?

If there is
an investigation,

It will open
house and hearth.

I am innocent.

I spoke with rosa.

It was the tea of her cousin
elvira from ecuador,

Who stayed with us
last year--i swear it.

I believe you.

But will
internal affairs?

Well, have there been
any citizen complaints?

No.

Then it'll never get
to internal affairs.

Listen, i--i heard a cop
was taken hostage today.

Yes, the release
of officer buzhardt

Was achieved without
any loss of life or injury.

I talked to howard
on the car phone.

He says that you
held a steady hand

And made some
sound judgments

That helped
the resolution.

I hope so. Yes, yes,
I believe so.

So, we have one
meaningful victory

And one defeat that we'll
laugh off tomorrow.

I mean, I call that
an above-average day.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

In my seven years
as lieutenant,

This was only my second
day of a station command.

I liked it.

I know.

Mmm!

You've got
the munchies?

Mm-hmm.

I'm still feeling
the after-effects

Of rosa calletano's tea.

[Laughs]

I can't remember what
I used to like

About the sensation.

Maybe it's age or wisdom,

But I don't like feeling
so out of control.

Neither do i,
after today.

Oh, well,
give me the dirt.

Did fletcher get
his comeuppance?

Oh, among others.

[Laughter]

Do I gather
our man furillo

Was the target
of some verbal blows?

Well, warren briscoe
got in a few sh*ts.

Really?

Nothing our man
didn't already know.

Hmm?

That he was put together
with spit and baling wire

And that the model
still needed some work

After it left the plant.

Well, it sounds like he
barely laid a glove on you.

It felt as like he was
landing haymakers.

Mmm!
Mmm!

Ooh, what's going on?

I'm checking for bruises.

[Laughter]

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

A little to the left.

Uh-huh.

[Laughter]

Bingo.

[Laughter]

[Hill street blues
theme music]

♪♪
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