04x09 - Crash Course

[bunniefuu]

Gotta be something wrong with you using
your break time to balance your checkbook.

I can't enjoy life with this
thing hanging over my head.

Yeah, but the mistake
was in your favor.

Yeah. All 4500 bucks worth.

Anyone else would be
considering a trip to Mazatlan.

Full fishing included.

And the bank would be
after their bones forever.

What you doing?
Is that your car?

I lost my keys. You
know how it goes.

Want a ride?

MAN [OVER INTERCOM]:
May we have your order, please?

Yeah, let me have a
cheeseburger and some french fries.

MAN: Yes, sir.

Good deal.

- Listen, you got any extra ketchup?
- You want it...

You got it and I want it.

Now, empty that
cash register now.

Give it to me. Come
on. Give me some more.

Give me more. Give me some more!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Help! Police!

Help!

Help! We were robbed!

[ENGINE REVS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Police! Please help!

Help!

We were robbed!

[SIRENS WAILING]

L.A. 15, Mary 3 and 4
in pursuit of 211 suspect.

Blue Charger GTO 799.

Northbound Lincoln
Boulevard and the 405.

Request backup.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[HORN HONKING]

You had your chance.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Are you okay?

Hey, you all right?

I want that guy.

I want him real bad.

Glad you're okay.

Yeah, me too.

I'd hate to have
to sit this one out.

L.A. 15, Mary 4,
10-22 the pursuit.

We lost the vehicle
due to a minor 11-82.

No injuries, no
assistance requested.

WOMAN [OVER
RADIO]: 10-4, Mary 4.

Your green Charger reported
stolen by Santa Monica P.D. 40 ago.

That figures.

Quite a driver.

Yeah. He sure knew what he was
doing when he tried to take us out.

- Let's try to get this thing up, huh?
- All right.

Next, please.

- Hi.
- Sorry, I have to take my break.

- Your break?
- If I don't go...

it'll throw the whole
system off schedule.

WOMAN: Next.

Next, please.

-Hello.

Uh, we have a problem.

There's $4500 in my account
that doesn't belong to me.

Well, that's what we're here for,
Mr. Poncherello, to solve problems.

I told you.

What is your mother's
maiden name?

Look here. Frank Poncherello.

You think I got a hold of this uniform so I
could come in here and give money back?

I'll be right back.

Well, uh, Mr. Poncherello, I
wanna sincerely thank you...

for, uh, calling
this to our attention.

I'm afraid that it would have been my
job to tear apart the computer input...

and track down
the missing $4500.

And I can assure you, I
have enough problems as it is.

What are good guys for?

Ha, ha. Yes.

You may not realize it, but
an error as small as 6 cents...

can throw us into
a turmoil for weeks.

We're all settled
up then, right?

Yes, just leave
everything to us.

Right. Gotta run.

Thank you.

Next, please.

GETRAER: Richard "Sonny" Matson,
released from Vacaville three days ago.

Finishing up a three to five
for as*ault and armed robbery.

In the trade, he's known as
the best getaway driver there is.

Yesterday we heard that rehabilitation
didn't take with Matson, so, uh, be alert.

Yeah, don't worry.

GETRAER: Okay. Up and at them.

- Frank, could I see you a minute, please?
- Yeah. Ahem.

- Yes, sergeant?
- Frank, I got a phone call...

- from your apartment manager.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it seems that your, uh, rent check,
in his words, "bounced like a Wiffle ball."

Oh, that's impossible.

The bank said
insufficient funds.

Simple, sarge. When the bank
found the mistake yesterday...

something must have happened.
PONCH: Must be a computer error.

- Yeah.
- When I gave them back their 4500...

it must have just
kept on chewing.

That's right, that's
right. Force of habit.

Right. Just so I don't get any
more of those phone calls, Frank.

Well, it's me
versus the machine.

Hey, I'm right behind
you all the way, partner.

Uh, Sonny Matson?

Only my friends call me
Sonny. You're late, pal.

I was held up in traffic.

That's a very nasty habit.

Oh, yes, right. In your profession I
guess you're sensitive to that thing.

Dyle, you got something to
talk to me about? Come on.

I sure hope so.

I was told by a mutual friend that if a man
wanted to go from one place to another...

under difficult circumstances
that, um, you're the fellow to see.

Our friend may have been right.

But you have to
have a ticket to ride.

Do you mind if I lay out the job for
you before we hassle over the cut?

[CHATTERING]

All right. I like
everything I see.

But I had to make a few changes
as a matter of personal preferences.

Now, how do you know there's
gonna be so many cookies in that jar?

-Oh.

The, um, store's big
number is cashing paychecks.

The cookies will be there.

Don't worry.

All right. I'm in. Fifty-fifty.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

[ENGINE REVVING]

Hey, get out of my car!

They called the police.
Let's go get him. Come on.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

We got them.

Okay, hold it right there.

- How you doing?
- All right.

A couple of guys chasing
his stolen Mustang.

Ran right up the ramp and
into the van. Thief was Matson.

- Positive ID?
- Yeah, they got a good look.

It was Matson okay.
Catch you later.

Okay, thank you.

Well, it looks like Mr. Matson
is setting up a business.

Then you can be
sure of one thing.

Next time he's gonna go
for more than a burger stand.

Hey, come back when
you got an appointment.

- Sonny.
- What's happening? Ha, ha.

- You old...
- How you doing?

All right. How long
have you been out, man?

Long enough to know
I still got my touch.

- Hey.
- Oh, you've been tooling up.

A man has got to
make a living, mate.

- Same old Sonny.
- I got some new threads. Nothing heavy.

What's it gonna be?
You want new paint?

- Mm... Mm...
- New plates? Name it.

I was thinking maybe some,
uh... Some new torsion bars...

and maybe a little magic
on the carburetors, huh?

We'll give you an edge,
Sonny. Don't worry.

Me worry? It's not
my style. Ha, ha.

Thank you.

Hello. Can I help you?

No big thing. Just something
wrong with my account. Here.

Oh, not again.

Yeah, I don't know
what keeps happening...

but a couple of my checks
have bounced for no reason at all.

Ah, here we are,
Mr. Poncherello.

You're overdrawn and you've
exceeded your overdraft limit.

Now, wait a minute.

I'm the guy who just
gave back 4500 bucks.

Actually, you should
be talking to Mr. Burns.

He'll be back from
lunch in 11 minutes.

- Why can't I talk to the manager?
- I'm sorry.

Ms. Rogers is at a
meeting right now.

Looks like you're stuck with me.

Who's complaining?

First, we'll find the
sum of your deposits...

then the sum of your
returned checks...

then the sum of your
outstanding checks.

Adding the two subtotals and
subtracting that from your deposits.

That should give us your balance
minus, of course, fees and service charges.

That's funny. It balances out.

See what I mean?
That's good, right?

It probably means a mistake has
been carried over from an earlier month.

Why don't you check
your statements at home?

- Why don't you check the old computer?
- I did.

If you check your statements at
home, I'm sure you'll find your mistake.

My mistake?

Why not your mistake?

I'll take it up with my
supervisor. Have a nice day.

Thanks. It's getting
better by the minute.

Next, please.

Hey, Ponch, I'm okay. You okay?

Yeah, except you still
got money in the bank.

- You can move faster than that.
- Yes.

- Show me!
- Ye... Yes.

That'll do nicely.

Thank you very much.

[SCREAMS]

It's only rubber.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

7 David in pursuit
of 211 suspect.

Gray Mustang, eastbound
on National and 40th.

7 Mary 3 and 4 responding
from 91 overpass.

[SIRENS WAILING]

7 David, 211 suspect heading
west on Slauson from 10th.

You're headed in our direction.
We'll intercept at Burlingame.

Come on, baby. Closer, closer.

[BUS HORN HONKING]

Mary 3, we have an
11-82 westbound Vanalden.

Request paramedics and wrecker.

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: 10-4,
Mary 3. Rolling 11-41, 11-85.

- Oh, man.
- Are you all right?

Yeah, it was him all right.
He even smiled at me.

- Yeah, he's a nice guy, but he's a psycho.
- Yeah.

It's a real slick job,
stopping short of that bus.

Hey, whatever it takes. I just wanna
see his smiling face one more time.

You got company there. Come on.

Clear the decks. We
can eat now, right?

Oh, I have been over
your statements for

the entire year and I
haven't found a thing.

Ugh. I was hoping if
I went out and came

back after a while,
everything would be okay.

We did find something
funny, though, Ponch.

You have a balance that
grows a few dollars every month.

Well, Ponch likes to round
off to the nearest dollar.

It's easier on the arithmetic.
You know what I mean?

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Wait a minute. I think
I've got something here.

All your deposit
slips are for 385...

which matched your deposit
figures here on your bank statements.

Except for one three
months ago for 365.

Yeah, I remember.

That was the time
I took $20 cash.

The problem is that none of your
bank statements show this deposit.

- You mean it's their mistake? Oh, Bonnie!
- Their mistake.

Bonnie, love, you
deserve the first slice.

Good.

Real good.

Ponch, uh...

It's all right, I
can still read it.

- Let's have a party, huh?
- Hey!

- Hey!
- Hey, I want some pizza.

WOMAN [ON PA]: The 715 coach to
Fresno, San Jose and San Francisco...

is now boarding on Platform 24.

Last call for the 7:00
express bus to Sacramento.

Boarding on
Platform 9, last call.

[WHISTLING]

- Hey, you're good. You know that?
- Ha-ha-ha.

You really are good.

Well, I know the cops know that I'm
not afraid to hurt someone in a getaway.

And I know they can't hurt
anybody when they're chasing me.

And you're cold too.

Cold. I'm a professional.

Speed without wisdom will
get you caught every time.

What's the next job?

I've got some things
that we can talk about.

Well, all right. Hop in.

Not in that.

Come on, short ride. I
wanna show you something.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

I've got this little
routine that I like to use.

I've been driving a long time.

- I don't even like the way it sounds.
- Relax.

Suppose we just pop that
new bank you've talked about.

Every branch west of Pasadena
will be chewing at our bumper.

Sounds like a good
time to call your lawyer.

Maybe not.

All right, what are
you going to do?

This.

Are you crazy?

I am sorry, Mr. Pellman. You see
there is nothing more I can do for you.

You do understand, I'm sure.

Have a nice day.

And what may I
do for you, officer?

This statement is wrong.

Oh?

Oh, yes, Mr. Ponchellero.

Your problem has
been mentioned to me.

Uh-uh. Your problem.
This statement is wrong.

This deposit is missing.

And I have a copy of the check
stamped and canceled by you, the bank.

Excuse the tomato sauce.

Of course.

Now, Officer Ponchellero...

I call your attention to the
notification at back of the statement...

that if a customer does not bring to
our attention an error within 10 days...

we, the bank, assume
that the statement is correct.

Okay, the $4500 I returned.

If I had kept
that for 10 days...

the bank would have assumed
it belonged to me. Is that right?

No.

No, you see, that
is our mistake.

And so is this.

We both assumed the
statement was correct.

It is not correct.

I gave you back your
$4500. All I want is my 365.

Of course you do.

And we'll look into it.

But it does take a little time.
You do understand, I'm sure.

I'd like to see the manager now.

I'm sorry. Ms. Rogers
is not in at the moment.

Excuse me.

Yes.

Mr. Burns, do you walk
to work or drive a car?

I'll get... I'll get back.

Well, perhaps in your case, since
we do have the evidence, so to speak...

I will credit your
account immediately.

I guess it really is,
uh, the bank's mistake.

We are, after all, human
too, Mr. Ponchellero.

Well, from one human to another,
can I forget about all this for now?

Oh, yes, forget it. Just
wipe your mind clean.

I will take care of
absolutely everything.

Accuracy and correctness are
the hallmark of this institution.

If, uh, there is an error in
either your favor or ours...

we track it down
no matter how small.

Even 6 cents.

Yes, even 6 cents, certainly.

Is there something
else I can do for you?

Yes.

You can tell me
to have a nice day.

Certainly. Have a nice day.

Hey. Look what I found.

That's it, all right.

I don't remember it
being so banged up.

- It's been rolled, partner.
- Yeah, when?

Sometime, that's for sure.

Oh, he's right. It's seen a lot
more action since we lost it.

A Sonny Matson getaway vehicle
loses its Blue Book value fast.

Well, he rolled it and
drove it some more.

I think I can shed some light on that.
Watch commander on B shift got a call...

from a lady who saw a car roll down
the embankment onto Bayview Drive.

That's not all. After
it rolled, it took off

on the residents' road
on the shoulder below.

Yeah. What I really
wanna know is, why?

HANSON: Hello.

- Cliff Hanson. What can I do for you?
- How are you?

- Mind if I look under the sheet?
- Oh, by all means.

Oh.

Be my guest. Though there
aren't too many people...

who really appreciate what a
machine like this represents.

But let's face it.

What a joy it is to drive a
finely tuned performance vehicle.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You know, I could see that
the moment you walked up.

Well, I know it's fast.

But is it agile?

Oh, it'll come out of a hole
like this just like a rabbit.

Sure like to hear it purr.

[SCOFFS]

We haven't spared anything
on the interior, either.

Here.

Sit right in there.

Just sit there for a second.

Now, just picture
yourself with this machine.

A day like today,
heading north up the coast.

Just think about it.

Go ahead.

- Turn her over.
- Sure.

[ENGINE REVVING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

MATSON: Oh! Ha, ha.

Moonlight blue.

- Well, all right.
- That's your color.

Man reads my mind.

- What about the engine in this?
- Ah.

You want me to squeeze a
little bit more out of the milk?

I was thinking maybe, uh...

something a little more
in the takeoff department.

If you wanna go the limit, I've
looked for an excuse to use these.

Jets.

JATO units.

We'll do it.

You know, riding on those babies, there's
not a cop alive who's gonna catch you.

Ponch. I didn't wanna
say anything in there.

But remember that donation you
gave me for the children's health fair?

Yeah. What about it?

The check came back
and I covered for you.

So when you get back on your
feet maybe you can pay me, okay?

I was never off my feet.

It was a bank error.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I just wanted to tell you
the check came back, okay?

- We'll take care of it. Thank you.
- Okay.

How do you like that?
I can't believe this.

I can't believe
it. Wait a minute.

You had the bank eating out of your hand
and you b*at the computer to their knees.

Listen, it's too much to ask, I know,
but will you go with me one more time?

Well, all right. If you take
that red tape off your ankles.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[CHUCKLES]

Well, all right.

I've never seen an exhaust
system quite like that.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it. You
get the bucks, and I'll get us away.

I believe you.

You know, if I was a sensitive person,
I'd take this as an insult to my driving.

I just wanna be able to spell my name
correctly when I spend all that money.

Don't worry. I
got a good feeling.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Come on, Baker.
We're going to the top.

Yes, well, that... Uh...

Yes, thank you very much.

Ms. Rogers, we have to talk.

Yes, officers. Is there
something wrong?

[SIGHS]

Yes. My checking account.

-Oh, I see. PONCH: I hope so.

Because there's a mistake
here that's been going on and on.

Well, ha, ha, we can't
have that, can we?

Let me direct you
to one of our officers.

I've seen all your officers.
Today it's your turn.

First, you lose one of my deposit
slips, so all my checks bounce.

I have to find your mistake.

You promise me it's
A-okay, have a nice day...

and all my checks are still b*ating
the Russians into deep space.

[CHUCKLES]

Have a seat,
Mr. Poncherello, and, uh...

Uh, Officer Baker.

He's with me. We'd
rather stand, thank you.

To be sure. Um...

Jackie, would
you please bring...

Mr. Frank Poncherello's
statement to my desk? Thank you.

Well, here's your
problem, Mr. Poncherello.

Eighty-six dollars
in service charges.

Your special statement
and your bad checks.

Holy... Wait. My
checks aren't bad.

Well, they bounced.

And there is a $5 service charge
for every check that bounces.

You do understand.

I do not understand.

The $5 service charge is
necessary to prevent certain people...

from purposely and
repeatedly bouncing checks.

Are you saying
that applies to me?

I'm only trying to clarify.

Okay, clarify that I don't have
to pay for service charges...

for something that
was your mistake.

Well, the difficulty is...

that the computer has already
deducted the amount from your balance.

Well, tell it to un-deduct
it and put it back.

I'm sorry. Our terminal is down.

I'd have to go to
the general ledger.

Go now, would you, please?

Because you already got
me in trouble all over town.

- Hey, Ponch.
- Not now, Jon.

I'm sure not gonna pay for service
charges on something that was your mistake.

We got Matson and his
blue Camaro at our front door.

Here comes his accomplice.

What...?

Stay down.

Call the police and
report a 2-11 in progress.

You're making this up.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

These people have been
waiting for quite some time.

So if you wouldn't
mind going to the end...

Listen carefully and
nobody will get hurt.

I have here an
anti-personnel grenade.

The pin is pulled.

If anything happens to me...

it will go off.

Fill the case and
pass it down the row.

- Come on, move it!
- All right. All right.

Last time it was a fake
grenade. You feel lucky?

Today's not a good day to ask.

Hurry, move it!

Come on.

Let's do it.

Move!

Come on!

I want it all.

You people back
here, move down. Now!

Move!

Come on!

- Hurry up!
- All right, all right.

I want it all.

Hurry! Come on.

Come on, come on.

- Hurry!
- I'm hurrying.

Freeze! I don't know where
you came from, but freeze!

Hey, come on. It's only rubber.

Yeah. Maybe the walls
in your cell too, huh?

[SIRENS WAILING]

[ENGINE REVVING]

L.A., 7 Charles
in pursuit, 2-11.

Suspect is northbound on Adams.

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: 7 Charles, 2-11 Camaro
is turning onto Bayview Road northbound.

- Bayview Road. I got a hunch.
- Let's play it.

[SIRENS WAILING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[LOUD BOOM]

I'll see you next time.

Yeah, don't bank on it, huh?

Have a nice day.

Next, please.

- Hi.
- Hi, Mr. Poncherello.

Everything okay now? All
the books are balanced?

Oh, absolutely.
Right to the penny.

We won't have any more trouble.

I hope.

PONCH: That's good.

I have here a
paycheck for $405.06.

I'd like $20 cash, and the
rest in my checking account.

All right.

I'll Just...

Oh, uh... Ha, ha.

If you'll just excuse
me for a moment.

- Why?
- Well, this is over my limit.

I could accept it for deposit.

But if you want cash, I'll have to
get it approved by my supervisor.

I want $20 cash.

I know.

There you go, we're all
approved. I can cash it.

Let me ask you something.

How can a check be over your
limit when I'm putting money in?

Well, every bank has its
regulations, Mr. Poncherello.

Um, in fact, you know, there's a new
bank that just opened down the street.

Have you ever considered
transferring your account?

I've been so happy here.

Oh, heh, that's nice.

Well, here you
go. Twenty dollars.

And let's see here.

One, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 cents cash.

I only asked for...

Oh, and the rest is in
your checking account...

and here's your checkbook.

Thanks.

Say, can I have an application
for your uni credit card?

Oh, Mr. Poncherello,
are you sure that you...?

I just wanna fill it out
and see what happens.

All right.