04x14 - Ponch's Angels: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Don't worry about it,
Jon. It's not your problem.

Besides, we've had
women on patrol for years.

Yeah, but not on motorcycles.

I mean, Central is getting
women motorcycle officers.

The first time ever.

It's gonna take some getting
used to for some of the guys.

But not us, right? We're
liberal, open-minded.

- And besides, it's not your problem.
- It's not my problem.

[BOTH CHUCKLE THEN RADIO BEEPS]

WOMAN [OVER
RADIO]: Attention all units.

Cedar Grove Police reports a unit in
pursuit of a stolen C.G.P.D. squad car...

westbound I-10 from the 605.
The stolen is rolling Code 3.

Just get off the freeway
as soon as you can, son.

All right.

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:
Suspects are three male

prison escapees
wearing jail blue uniforms.

Units in position
to assist, identify.

L.A. 15, 7 Adam I-10 at Overton.

BAKER: 15 Mary 3 and 4 at Harper Overpass.
MAN: 7 David. I-10 at Adams and 1.

15 SA. 7 Adam, it's
your call. 7 David, assist.

Mary 3 and 4 stand by,
but do not participate.

Hey, hold it, Ponch. You
heard Getraer's order.

He said stand by, but
he didn't say where.

16, 7 Adam in pursuit of the stolen police
cruiser. Westbound 1-10 from Overton.

[TIRES SCREECHING
AND HORNS HONKING]

1-10 pursuit approaching
the Orchard off...

Mary 4 is now the primary unit.

- Stop the car over there by those bushes.
- All right.

We made it, boys.
We're on a roll.

Luck is with us.

[LAUGHING]

Well, our real job was to recover
the vehicle. At least we did that.

Well, I understand.

But be patient if Getraer
doesn't see it your way right away.

Mary 4, as soon as that situation is
cleared up, report back to the office.

104.

I think he wants to thank me.

Sarge, hi.

I know it's about the
stolen police car, right?

Sit down, Frank.

Now, I know I may have misinterpreted
your instructions. But I was...

But you were just acting
on initiative at the scene.

Using your best judgment to minimize
damage to property and injuries to persons.

And while the escapees
got away again...

at least they're not menacing
the freeways in a stolen police car.

So an order was disobeyed.
Rules were broken.

The end justified it, right?

Right.

[CHUCKLES]

Frank.

You have a talent for making
unorthodox solutions work.

Yeah.

It's also a quality
that's bad...

for your career, and my ulcer.

Look, Frank, you have to learn that
the system, the rules, apply to everyone.

This may help to, uh...

change your attitude.

- Aw, sarge. Please.
- She's 24, three years on the patrol.

And fresh out of
motorcycle school.

Bonnie's showing her around.
After that, I'll introduce you.

Look, Sarge, I'm sorry about
today. But I don't deserve this.

It's not meant as a punishment.
A teacher has big responsibilities.

Well, I'm not
good at it. I hate it.

You're a certified motorcycle training
officer. You passed the special course.

If you hate it so much,
why'd you apply for it?

To impress my mother. To
get a week off. I don't know.

Look, you got other
training officers on the squad.

- Only one Frank Poncherello.
- That's right. And you know me and women.

That's another reason
for selecting you.

There's always a danger when a male
and female officer work closely together.

But I think you're strong
enough to resist temptation.

Smooth enough to
steer a middle course.

And well supplied with
girlfriends outside the department.

Frank...

any indiscretion involving
this young lady would be...

Well, let's just say that,
uh, all eyes are on us.

I am motor
training officer for...

Melanie Mitchell.

Here you go. It's not
much, but it's all yours.

I'll take it.

- Right now it looks like the Taj Mahal.
- Heh.

Oh, looking good.

- Like a 10 plus.
- Yeah, but my pants are too tight.

I told that tailor I had to
work in them, not disco.

Makes a good impression
on your training officer.

Yeah, but I want it
to be on my ability.

Not my pants.

- Sarge. Get a load of this.
- Mm-hm.

"Motor manual, Chapter
3, Paragraph 31.2.

Criteria for the selection of
motorcycle training officers.

Subparagraph 9.

The desire to be
a training officer."

I have no desire.
That lets me out.

Heh. Wrong.

Ah. This is Officer Mitchell.

Uh, the first of our
two new trainees.

Officer Francis Poncherello, one of
our best. He'll be your training officer.

I know you'll get along.

Hi.

You can call me Melanie.

How am I doing so far?

Follow me, Officer Mitchell.

Uh, do you have a
comment? Question?

No. Nothing. Silence.

Just so you know, I've been
riding dirt bikes since I was 12.

- Long before motor school.
- On my right. Always on my right.

Well, what do I call you? Francis?
Frank? Or Officer Poncheretto?

It's Poncherello. Ponch will do.

Oh, I think Ponch
will do just fine.

- This is Officer Melanie Mitchell.
- Yeah, I know. Category two.

Here for evaluation and final training.
The sergeant told me what to expect.

I am her MTO.

That he didn't
tell me. Ha-ha-ha.

Colin's our chief mechanic.

It's nice to meet a mechanic
who doesn't enjoy wearing grease.

- Is this mine?
- Thoroughly tested and ready.

Oh, I adjusted the seat
and the windshield to fit me.

We're built about the same.

Weight wise.

- Try it out.
- Okay.

Oh, uh, tire pressure and fluid
levels are all right. Trust me.

[CHUCKLES]

New guy looks pretty good.

Oh, boy, I hope Ponch can teach
that girl. She's really on a spot.

Hey, don't let Ponch fool you forever.
He knows every rule in the book.

What's your problem
at the marina?

- That exposition on wheels?
- Oh, it's a purse snatching.

The kid is young, but he's good.
Disappears right in front of your eyes.

I'll fill you in when we
get down there, okay?

Fits like a glove.

I'm gonna take you through the most I
think you can handle from day to day.

We'll talk everything over
before I report it, good or bad.

Or great.

Everything by the book.
Meet me at my motor.

Or even outstanding.

Strike one, Melanie.

All right, I'll set the
course and speed.

I lead, you follow.

- Like dancing.
- Like we're in a car, and I'm driving.

In case of emergency, if I have to
do a speed run, do not try to keep up.

If the trainee loses
sight of the officer...

he shall be directed to the
proper location by the use of radio.

On my right. Always on my right.

Like your appendix.

I don't think this guy has got
both oars in the water, Louis.

I don't think there's
buried treasure either.

At least we're free.

I know. I mean, at
least we're on the street.

We ain't on the street.

We're in a garbage dump.
With a rag-picking weirdo.

Hey. Aha!

[LAUGHING]

All right. All right!

Now we're gonna look like
respectable bums. Not jailbirds.

These clothes are a might gamey.

But the hacksaw blade is new.

A man could make a fortune just
collecting what got thrown away.

Poor man's fortune.
All for the taking.

Uh, you know, we were just
thinking about another kind of fortune.

Like the one that
we broke out for.

Well, those are
thoughts for a man.

More silver than you
ever saw in one place.

But it's not here.

[CROWD CLAPPING]

- Hey, Grossie.
- Hi, Grossie.

It's fun, but I can only take so
much cacophony and clanging.

Yeah, not to mention the noise.

[CHUCKLES]

Right. I'll be glad to
go back to the traffic.

See you later.

You know, to protect people at a
fair like this, it's almost impossible.

I know. So do the thieves.

Officer.

I'd like to report a purse snatching.
It's a young guy on a bicycle.

- My wife's purse.
- Sounds like the same MO.

Okay. How'd we do?

Thirty-seven dollars.

Thirty-seven dollars? That's
terrific, Sal. Thirty-seven dollars.

Considering inflation, this
is a bus ride to Burbank.

[GROANS]

Why don't we just retire? I mean, we can't
go on playing this teenage bit forever.

Hey, all right, Sal. Now,
give me a break, will you?

It's pocket money for
now. Now, come on, baby.

Let's hang in just a little while longer.
Huh? Come on. Gordy is working on a plan.

[GROANS]

Notice any violations?

[SIREN WAILING]

Hey. You observe.

Yeah, yeah. All right, I know. License
and registration. Okay, you got it.

[ROCK MUSIC BLARING
OVER HEADPHONES]

Hey, man, why don't you let mama-san
handle this? I know we can make music.

I don't like wind instruments.

Two violations. The one I'm
citing you for is the earphones.

- You've got to hear when you drive.
- I can hear you, paisan.

What, are you making
macho for the chick here?

Vehicle code prohibits
covering both ears.

You can wear one
earphone, not two. Okay?

Okay, so now I know.

Come on, I'll sign. I'll
help you make your quota.

And a warning on the
shades. The bow, the earpiece.

No more than a half-inch wide on
both sides, or it blocks your side vision.

Oh, man, that's chicken. I mean,
you are a chicken. You know that?

I suggest you
take off the shades.

And get a pair that's safer for
yourself and everyone on the road.

I mean, you really
are a chicken.

Fifty-five and stay alive.

Well, I would have taught
him more respect for the law.

Attitude.

You get all kinds of abuse
out here. Take it gracefully.

Yes, but when a smart mouth insults
me, don't you ever lose your temper?

Never.

I bet.

Got to watch out for
those grease spots.

You didn't check.

But you did the right thing.

If you have a choice, let the
machine take the damage. Not you.

- Okay, pick it up and let's go.
- Well, how about a hand?

They taught you at motor school, didn't
they? If you were alone, you have to do it.

If I were alone.

[GRUNTS THEN PANTS RIP]

Oh.

- Guess what.
- I don't even want to think about it.

Must be beginner's luck.

You're gonna have
to put in for repairs.

Um, well, I have another pair
at the tailor shop in Venice.

Well, you'll have
to get them for me.

- Your pants?
- Well, yes.

You don't want an officer of
the law walking around like this.

All right.

All right. I'll get your pants.

We're a couple of miles from
my apartment. Change there.

- You're not wild about me, are you?
- No.

But I dig your tailor.

[WAZZ MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

- Care for a glass of milk?
- No.

Hey, you got the wrong pants.

How could I get the wrong pants?

He gave you Paula's pants.

- Who's Paula?
- My roommate, Paula Wood.

The other motor trainee.

- So put Paula's pants on.
- I can't.

Unless you want a worse
disaster. Hers are too big on me.

We can't go to the tailor again.
We got to go back on duty.

You lead, I follow.

Give me the pants. Yours.

Find a robe. I've got a
friend with a sewing machine.

If she's home, she'll
stitch up the seam.

Hi, Jennifer.

Oh, hi, Grossie.

- Hey, is Ponch here?
- Yeah, their motors are outside.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, lock yourself out?

Oh. Heh. Looking
for Ponch, right?

Uh-huh.

Strike two, Melanie.

PONCH: Jennifer. Grossman.
Jennifer. Grossie, come back here.

I know how this looks.

Find some pants that fit.

There's another smash and grabber.
Young, slender guy on a bicycle.

Big hat, sunglasses.

All committed by the same kid
who was working the Marina, huh?

Well, Bonnie doesn't think he's working
alone. He might be using a catcher.

Maybe even using a disguise.

Bonnie will have to use her ingenuity.
I don't have any men to help her.

Two men out sick. Ponch
on special assignment.

Uh... You know, I'm afraid Ponch
is really upset about this MTO duty.

Oh, Ponch?

Well, if he is,
he'll get over it.

Heh. Look, uh, would you help me see
to it that he doesn't hold it against me?

Sure, sarge. Sure.

Better still, since you offer.

You know that new
trainee, Paula Wood?

You can train her.

Me? But, s

Hi. Sarge, look...

So, what makes a person with a
degree in sociology turn to police work?

Oh, the easy hours, safe working
conditions, community respect.

I see.

- Hey, Grossie.
- Hey, guy.

[CHATTERING]

[ALL WHISTLING AND WHOOPING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

All right, take your seats.

- What's so funny?
- Tell them, Grossman.

You told everybody else.

GETRAER: All right.

For those of you
who haven't met her...

our newest probationary
motorcycle officer, Paula Wood.

[ALL APPLAUDING]

Beauty.

Yesterday you met our other
trainee, Officer Melanie Mitchell.

Mitchell, we all
enjoy a little kidding...

to, uh, offset the more
serious aspects of this job.

Whatever the joke is, I
take it you were involved.

For the laugh, we thank you.

And that, gentlemen, is that.

Those Cedar Grove
escapees are still at large.

They may steal wheels,
so check their descriptions.

Use caution on any GTA
call, any enforcement stop.

Grossman, take the marina
detail with Bonnie. Okay, that's it.

Grossman!

Grossman!

I couldn't help it,
Ponch. It just slipped out.

See you later. I got to
get down to the Marina.

First you stop at my place and explain
to Jennifer the way I explained it to you.

About what?

- Oh, Melanie?
- Right.

And if Jennifer forgives
me, I forgive you.

- You got it?
- Done. No problem. You got it.

Well, I hope you're
easier than Ponch.

- I hope you're luckier than Melanie.
- She's really a good cop.

A little too eager. She
needs a leash sometimes.

But she's good.

I'll be doing the leading.
You're on my right.

When you're ready to do the
leading, I'll move you to my left.

Right.

[ALL CHEERING]

You know, uh, that restaurant makes
a big fat bank deposit every afternoon.

- Like clockwork.
- Gordy, let's stick to something we know.

Purses and wallets,
rip off and run.

It's a little business,
but it's nice.

I'm just trying to raise our
level of expectations, honey.

PONCH: Grossman.

- I was looking for you.
- You were looking for me.

I saw Jennifer.
Dazzled her with charm.

Not only does she understand about Melanie,
there's a pool party tonight after duty.

And you're invited.

- Invited?
- Yeah.

It's my party.

Oh. Am I invited?

Why don't you bring
your son down to Central?

We'd love to show him around.

Okay? Bye-bye.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Your trainee is out checking the sites.
- Yeah, I know. Grossman found her.

Ponch, um, do you think maybe
you're being a little rough on Melanie?

Rookie motor cop,
she's got a lot to learn.

Good-looking rookie
female motor cop.

It makes no difference,
Bonnie. Not on the job.

She's just another uniform.

You know, some girls get starry-eyed
about their bosses and their teachers.

I know the pitfalls.
I'm being very careful.

Good. Because I think
she's got a crush on you.

Me?

Heh. Don't be ridiculous.

- Tread gently.
- Ha, ha.

Here, your Form
415, your daily field

record. That's the
one you're familiar with.

Intimately.

Okay, I'll help you
with this, your monthly

motorcycle inspection
list. Form 184, all right.

To think I stayed up late
studying the sports page...

so we could have
something to talk about.

Paula, look. Most of what I do
for you is based on my judgment.

But it all goes in your personal
record as long as you ride motors.

Now, say you make a
mistake five years from now.

They're gonna dig out
my training evaluations.

They're not gonna ask
you what you did wrong.

They'll ask me why I
didn't teach you right.

So, what do you think?

You figure the Dodgers will
ever straighten out their bullpen?

Fill out this form, would you?
And circle each subsequent date.

Paperwork is very important. And
nobody teaches it better than Jon.

- He taught me. Right, Jon?
- Right, Ponch.

So just sit down there and
watch how he teaches Paula.

That's the best way to learn.

- Right, Jon?
- Right, Ponch.

-As a matter of fact...
BAKER: Right, Ponch.

- Right what?
- Chapter 3, Paragraph 32.2, economy.

No need for both of
us to be on overtime.

Well, okay.

Melanie. I think we
had a good day today.

A motor training officer
should set a good example.

Wanna stick your
partner with paperwork...

that you hate to do, you've
just seen a good example.

Hi.

Grossie didn't go into detail.

But I do understand that Melanie
what's-her-name is a business associate.

- And I'm real sorry...
- Just a second, Jennifer.

Hello, you two.

- Hi.
- Hi, Bonnie.

BONNIE: Thank you.
PONCH: You're welcome.

- Who's that?
- Bonnie Clark from the office.

Now, you were saying?

She is a cop?

Jennifer, come on, huh?

Well, I didn't see all the other
guys running over to hug her.

Honey, I'm the host.
And I'm with you.

But I want you to understand
how I feel. I'm not possessive.

I don't want a commitment.

I just don't want to be
another peg on a board.

Hey, listen, we're
totally in sync.

I'm just a victim of an
exaggerated reputation.

- Ahem, excuse me, Ponch.
- Hi, Paula.

-Paula, Jennifer. PAULA: Hi.

- Hi.
- I came for my pants.

Oh?

She came for her what?

- She didn't mean that.
- Oh, no, I mean...

- well, you know. Pants.
- Yeah, pants.

Never mind. Come on.

[WHISTLES]

- What did she mean?
- You heard.

Oh, I see.

A buried treasure story?
And you went for it?

We went for it.

STAMP: 16, 17, 18, 19, 20...

.21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26.

Stamp. Stamp.

He's flipped out, Louis.
He's ready for the net.

Stamp.

Twenty-seven, 28, 29, 30, 31.

[LAUGHING]

This is it. This is it!

[LAUGHING]

Look at that. Look at that.

I'm telling you, Louis, this
guy is a complete nutcase.

This is it. This is it, boys.

This used to be a dairy farm.
With acres and acres of alfalfa.

They must have parceled
it off to build these houses.

Boys, the treasure is
right under your feet.

- They keep you after school?
- We can't all be bright and beautiful.

Well, I got to our apartment and discovered
I had room enough to change my shoes.

Figured someone was missing.

Listen, I thought if I
stayed late and boned

up on these warrants
and dailies and reports...

I may come up with something
to boost my stock here.

- Did you get your pants?
- Don't ask.

Particularly don't
ask Poncherello.

Ugh. I wish I could hate that
man. I really wish I could hate him.

It would make things
so much easier.

If he doesn't make it easier, just
be sure you don't make it harder.

Paula, don't worry.
Okay, I may not hate him.

But that doesn't
mean I like him.

Okay.

Let's not wait for a
break. Let's make one.

Okay, well, I'm memorizing
license numbers.

Memorize these
guys. They're hot.

You spot one while you're riding
around, you can really score some points.

Cops! Let's get out of here.

[SIRENS WAILING]

L.A. 15, 7 David. Got an excessive
speed, black late model Camaro.

-Southbound Tulley Road from Linden.
WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: 10-4, 7 David.

7 David, still southbound
Tulley, passing Orchard.

[SCREAMING]

7 David. 11-83 on Tulley
a mile south of Orchard.

I'm 10-97.

Southbound Camaro
is now felony hit and run.

You stay here.

[SCREAMING]

Hey, hold!

WOMAN: Help me!

- Get out of here.
- It's gonna blow.

- Take off.
- Help me, help me. Please, help me.

PONCH: I told you to take off.
- You don't get rid of me that easily.

I got you.

Melanie?

Melanie. Melanie!

I told you you can't
get rid of me that easily.

Guess what, no bruises.

Okay, your turn.

I'm through with you.

I can't teach you if you won't
learn. You won't even listen.

"Stay here," I said. The
last thing I said, "Stay here."

And you know the regulations.

If I'm on a speed
run, you stay back!

- Ponch, I was only trying to...
- You were out of line.

You disobeyed an order.

You've got no respect for the
system, no respect for the rules.

You have no respect for
your own personal safety.

When that thing blew up, and you
didn't get up, I thought, "My God."

I thought...