02x13 - Harry, a Parent

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

Hello, Harry. I'm Goliath.

I needed to send you a message.

Look, I need more
information on this alien race

that you said is trying
to take over the Earth.

Here I go again, dragging
another guy into my mess.

You still got it, Coach.

You know, the Hardpack
tournament's coming up.

- It's my knee.
- Ew!

I've been training a lot.
I think I overdid it.

This package is from Violinda.

Harry, look at this.

It was just you and me
there. No one else was there.

This makes no sense...

unless you're Goliath.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

[ENGINE STOPS]

[PANTING]

♪ No, I can't forget tomorrow ♪

♪ When I think of all my sorrows ♪

I knew it. I knew it!

Honey, no! Honey, stop!

[HARRY NILSSON'S "WITHOUT YOU"]

Relax.

Hey. Hey!

Honey, stop! Don't hurt him!

♪ I can't give anymore ♪

♪ I can't live... ♪

It was cold in the Ice-Wind Desert.

But it was also lonely.

[CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC]

I was left there to die.

Alone.

I did not care at the time,

but thinking about it now...

It was very painful.

All my siblings had already d*ed.

I had k*lled them, of course.

And how did that make you feel?

Having an absent father?

Mm.

It makes me feel vulnerable.

And how does that make you feel?

_

Like you haven't been listening

to a single word I've said.

And how... [STAMMERS]

I have been listening to several words.

Good morning, sir.

I got you a little something.

Holy sh*t, a dinosaur egg!

What?

Oh, I'm sorry, Deputy.
I got too excited.

Now, if it's not a dinosaur egg,

you're gonna think I don't like it,

but I'ma keep an open mind, okay?

Aw, a Patience snow globe.

Thank you, Deputy.

You got a little, mini town hall here.

Look at that... a little,
mini phone booth.

I wonder who's in this car?

Maybe it's Detective
Lena Torres coming to visit.

Okay, all right, I see what this is.

Patience snow globe, matchmaking...

You're trying to get me to stay.

Now, see, I would think
if anybody was happy

about me moving, it'd be you,

because then if I moved,

then, you know, maybe you
could be sheriff someday.

Me?

[SCOFFS] A sheriff... really?

Although I can't help but notice

that UFO book on your desk.

You're gonna have to get rid
of some of these silly hobbies

if you want to be taken seriously enough

to run this department.

UFOs aren't a hobby

as much as they are objects in the sky.

No, I get it. We all got our fantasies.

I mean, hell, in another life,

I could have been one of those
Renaissance Faire guys, right?

But I can't be pulling people over

wearing no suit of armor on no horse.

And I damn sure can't
write them no ticket

with no jousting stick or turkey leg

and a jug of mead in my hand.

Well, it's hard to
argue with that logic.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

Doing a good job keeping up
for somebody who doesn't train.

It's the only way I could
spend time with you

these days.

I'll let you off easy.
We can walk a little bit here.

Let me off easy?

You're the one who's limping.

I went pretty hard at
the gym earlier today.

Maybe you remember. Oh, that's right.

You were still sleeping.

Well, maybe you should
go a little less hard.

You know, your body speaks to you.

It knows what it can handle.

Yeah. Key word: my body.

Okay, let's just keep things light.

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry.

Sorry, I just got to push to
get ready for the tournament.

It's stressing me out.

It's kind of my one sh*t

to prove I can still kick ass, you know?

You're gonna k*ll it.

I just don't want you to get hurt

because you pushed it too far.

I have to push.

If I'm gonna make it
through the qualifiers, I...

It's just my knee is compensating

for my old ankle injury, all right?

It's not a big deal.

Well, let's put some snow on it.

We'll get the swelling down.

Oh, yeah, good idea. [SCOFFS]

Like, just stop parenting me.

[EXHALES SHARPLY] Wow, D'arcy.

[TENSE MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

I'm... I'm sorry, Elliot.

I'm sorry.

Just, let's... Let's keep running.

I think I need to go home.

I'll see you later.

Hey.

Ben Hawthorne says he doesn't want

to pay for therapy this morning.

Apparently, you weren't
listening to him?

I wasn't. He is boring.

Look, I don't blame
you for being distracted.

You know, you just found out
you were this Goliath guy,

which also makes you
father to an alien baby

that was kidnapped,
which is kind of a lot.

I'm only distracted because
the alien baby was taken away

before he could tell me

which alien race is
taking over the Earth.

I do not care about
this father-baby stuff.

Harry, it's human nature
to care about your offspring.

It is human nature, not alien nature.

We do not care if our children die,

as long as they die in a ditch

and not in the road

where they will make it
bumpy for our vehicles.

Selfish children.

Okay, look, I'm still confused.

The future you sent the
past you a message, but how?

Do you have a time machine?

Wait. Can we go back in time?

[LAUGHS]

There is no such thing
as a time machine.

The only effective way
to travel through time

is through... is through...

There is no word for it.

Uh...

[CHIRPING AND WARBLING]

In English,

a portal, I guess, is the closest
thing you could say.

But you would not understand it.

Try me. Portals. Go on.

A portal is a split

in the fabric of time.

Okay.

Uh, well,

the fabric of time,

and it is like a...

Sort of like a poly-wool blend.

As the accelerating atoms speed up,

it causes the fabric to peel
sort of nubbins because...

Harry, you don't know what
you're talking about, do you?

No, I don't.

My people have never figured it out.

I guess I went through
an existing portal

left by another alien race.

What?

There are only two alien
species that use portals.

The Greys.

But it is not them.

They have no use for humans,

except to probe their elimination holes.

But there is one more.

Who?

Alpha Draconians.

They use portals.

Are they dangerous?

Not the same way as Greys are,

but they are good at
disguising themselves.

They can look human.

God!

What the hell?

Were you just picking my nose?

Alpha Draconians, their
nostrils are pleasure zones,

so if you were an Alpha Draconian,

then you would've liked that!

Well, I didn't like it,
and if you do it again,

I will break your finger.

Obviously, you are human, so you passed!

[QUIET SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

- Hey, honey.
- Hey.

Missed you this morning
with your early therapy,

so I brought you a juice box...

- Ah!
- And a sandwich.

Thank you. I am dying of thirst.

- Throw it out.
- Oh.

Oh, hey, you know how we've been

so excited about the resort moving in?

- Uh-huh.
- Well, now I'm thinking

maybe it's not such
a great idea after all.

What? Why not?

I just think Patience is
really great the way it is.

Maybe a resort would change it too much.

Wow, look at you.

"Pretty great the way it is"?

I never thought you'd
say that about Patience.

I know. I guess I'm a convert.

- Hmm.
- Okay, I'm headed to the gym.

Love you.

Love you too.

We're still doing the resort, though.

- What?
- The resort.

You know, I, uh...

I think it's good for the town.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I know, but you know,

I don't think we
should support it, so...

Yeah, I think we should.

Ah.

Okay.

I see what you're doing.

After your presentation, I told you

to stick by your g*ns no
matter who is against you.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's... I get it.

You're doing great. It's great.

But it's me, you know,
so it's different.

Mm, how?

Because I'm not for it anymore.

Oh, I see.

But I am.

[GROANING] Yeah.

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

So...

Well, I guess we'll just
have to agree to disagree.

I agree.

That's great.

[SLURPING NOISILY]

Ah.

- Okay.
- Okay.

All right.

- Love you.
- Love you.

- Okay.
- All right.

[EXHALES]

- Ow, ow, ow.
- Oh, my God.

What happened, Jujube?

Oh, I had to give Kevin a bath.

He got the squirts from an egg roll

he found under the couch.

I need more thread.

I only got enough for
"att*cked by a cat,"

not for "bathes a cat."

Don't move.

Don't cats usually
lick themselves clean?

Yeah, but Kevin hates
the taste of Oil of Olay.

Hey, oh, while you're up,

I need a refill on these pain meds.

Are you serious, dude?

That was a one-month supply.

You should have plenty left.

Well, if you're saying they
should make the tiny writing

on the side larger so
I can read the amounts,

I agree with you.

What am I, a bird of prey?

- Hey, D'arce.
- Oh, what's up?

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, nothing.

Just coming to see you.

Want to make sure you're coming
to my qualifiers tomorrow.

- Oh.
- Yup!

Talking to Asta.

Oh, tell her I said hi!

I can hear you, Judy. Hi.

That was fast.

She doesn't really care.
You know that, right?

Anyway, I invited my parents.

They'd love to see you,
make you feel worthless.

Oh, of course. I wouldn't miss it.

Ooh, I could dig out
your Team D'arcy hat

that I made for your Olympic trials.

How do you still have that?

Ooh, Harry Vanderspeigle.

Buddy, you want to come
to my event tomorrow?

Trying to pack the stands
with my biggest fans.

Then I will not come
because I am not your fan.

She is being oddly
friendly, so be polite.

Please, thank you.

I am not your fan.

- You're welcome.
- Okay.

Well, I guess you don't want to eat

the best churros in Colorado.

I am a fan of churros.

Good. Come on, we'll road trip.

You can get your mind off things...

If there's anything your mind is on.

I will go, and you will buy me

hot grease-fried sugar sticks
that are shaped like okra.

Yay!

- Great.
- Okay.

- See you tomorrow.
- Okay.

BOTH: Team D'arcy!

Team D'arcy!

I was in it. Three of us.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Hey.

So psyched you're coming tomorrow.

[WEAKLY] Yay, friends.

Say, offhand... I was
just thinking this now...

What if you brought your doctor
bag thingy with you tomorrow,

in case I need, like, I don't know,

a cortisone sh*t before the race?

Also, I need you to refill
this prescription for me.

I dropped a bunch down the drain.

Such a klutz.

If you are such a klutz,

then maybe you should not be competing

in major sporting events.

Then you would not need any pain pills.

You should be careful.

These can be very addictive.

Well, you make a good point.

We should probably all
just stay home tomorrow,

and then nobody gets any churros.

No!

I need the churros.

I need the pills.

[DAUGHTER'S "SHALLOWS"]

[SIGHS]

Oh, yes.

[CHUCKLES]

_

♪ Let the water rise ♪

_

♪ Lying on my back ♪

You knew where my mother was?

What?

When I was in the third grade,

you knew where she was,
and you never told me?

The address was old, even then.

She doesn't live there.

But it's an address.

It's a piece of her.

It doesn't matter how small it is.

Maybe if I would have found her,

and maybe... maybe she
would have wanted me.

I'm sorry.

I didn't want to get your hopes up.

I know.

♪ Watching stars collide ♪

♪ Watching stars ♪

Do I finally get to meet Elliot or what?

He's coming today, right?

[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Uh, probably not.

Are we there yet?

Harry, we told you the
last time that you asked,

we will tell you as soon
as we're getting close.

Wait, he's not coming to cheer you on?

What? He knows about it, right?

Yeah, he knows.

I've been training my ass off.

I just don't think he's
really in the cheering-on mood.

I sort of pushed him away the other day,

and he's probably already swiping right

on some dental hygienist from Denver

with health insurance
and a three-year plan.

That's a lot to unpack there.

Did you bring snacks?

Yep.

- Okay.
- Cereal.

Anyway, we know you do this, but...

I really felt like

maybe Elliot was worth
breaking your pattern.

I have to urinate.

[AS HARRY] I need to urinate.

Why do you sound like C- PO?

Just say you have to pee.

- I have to pee- PO.
- Wow.

- Ooh, that was good.
- All right.

You gotta whiz. We got it.

- Go number one.
- Yeah, drain the lizard.

- Free to pee? You and me.
- Tinkle.

[AS HARRY] Make water.

Make water? That's so gross!

Yes, all of those things!

Okay, well, you just
have to hold it, all right?

The adults are talking.

Can't you just play
"I Spy" or something?

- Ooh, yes.
- What is "I Spy"?

You pick something you
see, and then you say,

"I spy with my little eye something,"

and then we all have
to guess what it is.

Go for it.

[INQUISITIVE MUSIC]

- _
- I spy with my little eye

a way to contact the Alpha Draconians.

Pull the car over right now,

or I will make water on the floor!

- Okay!
- Jesus.

_

Why is he going so
far away from the car?

Well, if his weenis

is anything like his back-seat attitude,

he's probably self-conscious
about its childlike appearance.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, hey!

[GASPS] Oh, my God.

You found it. Incredible.

But not as incredible as
this other thing I found.

Who's Mary-Ellen Taylor?

Mary-Ellen, my mom.

Oh, my God.

Where was this?

I found it under a
box in Dan's closet.

This is in Taos. This
is super close to here.

Yeah, but she doesn't
live there anymore.

But maybe somebody does
who knows something about her.

You should go.

I don't know.

I mean, I... I guess it's possible.

Wouldn't that be so amazing

if I could find out more about
my mom after all this time?

Like, even if it's just like,

"Yeah, she once sat under that tree."

I mean, amazing. Any tree.

She was probably a lot like me, right?

Maybe?

Young, in a difficult relationship.

I mean, maybe she had no
choice but to give me up, right?

Maybe she was protecting me.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

If she's really like me,
she's regretted it ever since.

How many numbers is he going?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[HUMMING]

BOTH: ♪ You gotta be cool ♪

♪ You gotta be calm ♪

♪ You gotta stay together ♪

♪ All I know, all I know ♪

♪ Love will save the day ♪

♪ Herald what your mother said ♪

♪ Read the books your father read ♪

♪ Try to solve the puzzles
in your own sweet... ♪

What song are we singing?

What the hell happened to you?

And why are you all grassy and sweaty?

I was peeing...

and I fell down in the grass.

But not in the pee grass!

In the dry grass.

- And then, I exercised.
- Ugh.

Oh, all right.

Well, I hope you didn't pee on yourself.

I'm so sick of cleaning
pee out of that back seat.

- I don't want to do it again.
- Again?

I don't want to talk about it.

[CHUCKLES]

Humans do not realize what
crop circles really are...

Alien emojis.

The complex circle on the right

stands for my middle finger.

Welcome to the Hardpack
qualifying rounds!

[ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Taking her practice run right now

is World Cup champion D'arcy Bloom.

Yeah! Way to go, D'arcy!

[CHEERS]

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah, D'arcy! Go, baby!

Yeah, you're a baby!

You have to go!

Wow.

Aah!

Whoo!

Are you kidding me? You're amazing!

Oh, I feel great.

You guys must be bringing me good luck.

Oh, your parents aren't here yet.

Oh, they never come for warm-ups.

They'll be here later.

Hey, could you go grab me a churro?

I'm at your service, my lady.

I'm like your pit crew today.

One churro coming up.

Get me one!

Hey, buddy, I need you

to hook me up with
a cortisone sh*t, okay?

My knee is k*lling me.

I should not give this to you.

The Internet says

the sh*t prohibits inflammatory response

but can mask further
damage and re-injury,

resulting in permanent damage.

- Oh, it does.
- Mm-hmm.

But it also says that
D'arcy smashing you in the face

with her skis could cause
permanent damage, so...

Give me the sh*t.

[CHUCKLES]

You would make a good
opponent on the b*ttlefield.

- You look like a biter.
- Mm-mm.

I'm a hair puller. [GRUNTS]

[SOFT PLAYFUL MUSIC]

It also causes mood swings.

Maybe you will swing back to being nice.

[SOFTLY] Ah, ow.

D'arce?

Where are you guys? D'arce?

- Oh, D'arce.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Oh.

- Where were you?
- Oh.

I was just showing Harry around.

I'm very interested in sports.

Uh, go, team.

High-fives!

Keep your eyes on your balls.

Okay.

Oh, you have plenty of
time before first round.

You should go grab a cider or something.

Oh, are you sure?

Yeah, go for it.

Okay. Pit crew on hold.

- I'll see you later, superstar.
- See ya.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Bye.

No! No, never that! Never that!

D'arcy number one.

D'arcy is number one.

He just fell.

He'll be fine in a day or two.

He just needs to keep his fluids up.

If he had cut back on the caffeine,

like I told him last time,

he probably wouldn't even be here.

You take away my coffee,
I might as well be dead.

And you're not supposed
to shame the patient.

Look, I told all the
nurses they could shame

and degrade you if it keeps you alive.

Go on, Ellen, tell him how bad it is

to be buttering his meat.

Try blue cheese butter next time.

It's even better.

Look who has flowers.

Aw, you didn't have to buy me those.

Oh, I didn't. These
are from Lena Torres.

Well, I'll be damned. You were right.

- You know I'm always right.
- [CHUCKLES]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What are you two up to?

You always right about what?

Detective Torres has the hots for you.

- Liv called it.
- Oh, God.

How often do y'all talk
about this crap, huh?

What, you got a secret sewing circle

or something I don't know about?

Okay. We're just having fun.

It doesn't matter, anyway,

since you're moving back to D.C.

- D.C.?
- Uh, it's nothing, Pops.

It's just something
that I was considering

that I, uh, shared
privately with the deputy.

You never said it was private.

Everything I say to you is private.

If I noticed you was
on fire and I told you,

I'd expect you to keep it to yourself.

But then I'd die.

You'd die with honor.

I'm part of this decision too,

- and I'm not moving anywhere.
- What?

You're the main one always complaining

about everything you miss about D.C.

I enjoy complaining.

Keeps my heart rate up.

Most important,

as hard as you try to hide it,

I can tell you're happy here.

You don't even know
what you're talking about.

You're afraid to be happy.

That don't even make
sense. I'm already happy.

I'm the happiest person I know.

I'm so happy all day long,

I whistle hallelujah out
of the cr*ck of my ass!

I've never heard that.

Deputy Fred once did a fart

that sounded like the opening chord

of "A Hard Day's Night," though.

[GRUMBLES]

Thank you.

Okay, I found a bunch of stuff online

- about the Alpha Draconians.
- Mm-hmm.

They're a lizard people, so, what,

we look for them under
rocks or something?

Also, are they poisonous
like Komodo dragons?

You do not need to
worry. I took care of it.

Wait, what do you
mean you took care of it?

When we stopped earlier,

that was on latitude north.

It holds a specific energy
that amplifies alien signals.

I left them a note.

I thought you were peeing.

I did that too.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

_

Okay, well, what
if they don't respond?

And how are they gonna respond to that?

They will respond.

They are egotistical chicken dicks.

Okay, well, now that
we've got some time to k*ll

before D'arcy's race,
we might as well spend it

worrying about what some
evil aliens are gonna do

now that you pissed them off.

Mm.

Actually...

I have another idea.

[KNOCKING]

[SOFT SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

Can I help you?

Uh, hi. Yeah, sorry to bother you.

This is gonna sound crazy, but, um,

by any chance, do you know a woman

who may have lived here a long time ago

by the name of Mary-Ellen Taylor?

What do you want?

Um, I apologize for
knocking out of the blue.

We were just in the area,
and I thought I'd take a sh*t.

I'm just looking for any information

you may have about
her or where she went.

Like I said, what
information do you want?

I'm Mary-Ellen.

[EXHALES]

Look, I never set out to be a mother.

And I wouldn't have been a good one.

I totally get that,
and you were young.

Babies are expensive.

We live in America, sweetie.

Plenty of poor people raise kids.

- Yeah.
- I'm just not the type.

Yeah, I mean, I was
when I got pregnant.

I couldn't imagine taking
care of a little life.

I could barely manage my own.

I liked my life the way it was.

Yeah.

Still do.

So you've got a kid?

Her name is Jay.

Asta gave her up because
her husband was punchy.

I was in a bad relationship,

but that's done.

Jay is in my life now...

sort of.

I'll show you.

[PHONE RINGS]

Excuse me a second.

Okay.

Hello?

Well, hello to you too.

Mm-hmm.

: at blackjack.

[CHUCKLES] No you won't, you assh*le.

No, you haven't paid me back

since the last time I spotted you.

[LAUGHS]

[COUGHING]

[SNORTS]

Marty, hey, look, I
got to call you back.

I got some people here.

Yeah. No, just give
me, like, five minutes.

All right. [CHUCKLES]

[COUGHS]

Sorry about that.

He's a pain in my ass.

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, so this is Jay.

That is Asta's daughter.

You're supposed to say something,

like, "she is pretty," or
"she looks just like you."

Oh, it's fine.

I thought you said you gave her up.

Uh, yeah, I... I did.

So then she's not
your daughter, right?

[SOFT SOLEMN MUSIC]

Uh, thank you so much
for the water, Mary-Ellen.

Um, we should go.

I know you need to be somewhere.

You can take another
cookie if you want.

I don't have much of a sweet tooth.

- You know...
- [PHONE RINGS]

Excuse me.

[LAUGHS] Marty, what did I just say?

What?

[CHUCKLES] No, it's all right.

They're about to leave.

Nah, nothing important.

It was... can you hold on a sec?

Was there something else?

Nothing important.

As a doctor...

smoke more.

[LAUGHS]

I do not care about my alien baby,

even though I have
discovered it is my offspring.

Asta's mother is just like me.

She would abandon Asta
in the Ice-Wind Desert

and never think of her again,

but Asta does not need to know that.

It is only natural.

You were right to care
about my alien baby.

When you share genetic
material with a creature,

you cannot help but care for it,

no matter how much you pretend not to.

I know what you're doing, Harry.

What am I doing?

You're trying to make me feel better.

My mother doesn't care about me.

You know, I always had
this hole in my past.

It was all a mystery.

Who was she?

You know, what would she be like?

At least now, the hole is filled.

Filled with garbage.

She is garbage.

She is a bag of sh*t.

[CHUCKLES]

Aw, that's sweet, calling my mom sh*t.

She is poop.

Doo-doo.

- Turd.
- Caca.

- Crap.
- Number two.

Number three 'cause she's
all of them added together!

Thanks, Harry. [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Next on the course,

for her final run of the day,

D'arcy Bloom!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[EXHALES] All right.

All right, Bloom, you
got this. Do your thing.

Athlete, are you ready?

[COUNTDOWN CLOCK BEEPING]
Three, two, one, go!

[THE BREEDERS' "SAINTS"]

♪ I like all the different people ♪

♪ I like sticky everywhere ♪

♪ Look around ♪

♪ You bet I'll be there ♪

♪ Hot metal in the sun ♪

♪ Pony in the air ♪

♪ Sooey and saints at the fair ♪

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ Saints alive, you're saying ♪

♪ Walk in squares ♪

♪ The hid are out ♪

♪ Out for the year ♪

♪ It's a lot of face ♪

♪ A lot of crank air ♪

♪ Eroding around here ♪

Yes! Whoo!

Yes!

Looking for someone?

[CHUCKLES]

- You came!
- Of course I came.

You're incredible. Holy sh*t!

Thank you for coming.
I'm so glad you're here.

Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss it.

That's more than I
can say for my parents.

Ah, sh*t.

Ah, don't worry about them.

You got me and all of them.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

So proud of you!

Go, go, go.

All qualifying skiers,

please head to the press
tent for a photocall.

That's, uh... I gotta go to this.

Come with me. It's dumb.

It's press photos. It's really stupid.

I hate them.

Shut up. You love this sh*t.

Honey. Honey, try some of this cider.

- Oh.
- It's insane.

- Mm, amazing.
- That cost bucks.

- What?
- Have a donut. It's bucks.

$ for a donut? That's ridiculous.

Must be those resort town prices.

You know what?

Actually, I will have two donuts.

Probably had to b*at
out ten other donut shops

competing for all the tourists.

That's how quality goes up.

The best I have ever had.
I mean, what is that?

What is that, coconut?

My God, you are so stubborn.

But hon, I thought
we agreed to disagree.

Yeah, well, nobody
means that, you know?

Did you see that, doc?

Feeling good.

Looks like maybe your
therapy is working.

Did you stop screaming into a pillow

in the living room every morning?

Gonna get another donut.

I scream into the pillow.

I am just going to
stare into this fire

until my eyes dry out.

Me too.

Everything okay?

Yeah, I just can't get
Ben off this resort thing.

You're a lawyer.

Why are you spending
so much energy worrying

about one man's opinion?

What do you mean?

I did some research on
temporary restraining orders,

which is what we would
need to halt progress

before a preliminary injunction hearing.

Are you in?

When do we start?

Guess who's going to Vail

for the Hardpack
tournament in three weeks?

There she is, the...

Good job, best friend! [LAUGHS]

Okay. Come here. Speech!

All right, well, it really...

It really means a lot
that you are all here.

What did you do?

We love you, D'arce.

I love you the most! [GIGGLES]

Anyway, I want to introduce
Elliot, my boyfriend.

- Hi.
- Hi, Elliot.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hey, Elliot.

Elliot, this is Asta.

Hey. Elliot.

Hey, come on, get in here.

I have heard so many
things about you... all good.

How about our girl, though, huh?

Making the Hardpack tournament?

Yeah.

Well, you know what?

Uh, cider on me, everybody.

[ALL CHEERING]

They are $ each.

Okay, somebody buy
this champ a cider.

I got you. [CHEERING]

- Get in here.
- Donut?

- Hi.
- Oh.

- Elliot!
- Yes.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

♪ It's gonna be all right ♪

[ENGINE RUMBLES, DIES]

What the hell?

You okay on gas?

Yeah, I've got half a t*nk.

[WHOOSH]

Asta?

Asta!

Uh, okay.

That makes no sense.

Are you okay, Harry?

No, I am not.

Let's go.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[SOFT INQUISITIVE MUSIC]

This is it.

This is where I saw
a UFO when I was ten.

What?

We were on a class camping trip.

I tried to tell the teacher,
but he didn't believe me.

Okay, now, look, no offense, Deputy,

but if you was ten years
old, right, how you know

it just wasn't your imagination?

I saw it.

I know.

It's safer to be a skeptic.

But sometimes, don't
you want to see the world

as just a little bit magical?

You know, when my mom was alive,

my dad, he was a
completely different guy.

You should have seen him.

He had this light inside of him,

right, especially when she was around.

He used to always say he
loved the sound of her key

in the door because that's how he knew

the party was about to start.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

But when she d*ed,

that light went out,

just like, poof, just gone.

But he got to have
it for a long time.

I believe life tries to give us gifts,

but we have to be
open to receiving them.

Yeah.

I can see that.

I mean, that's why I
keep coming back here.

I mean, sure, I feel
silly just sitting here

all alone like some weirdo.

But one of these times,
they might be back.

Now, see, that's where you're wrong.

You don't think they're
going to come back?

Oh, no, I don't know
nothing about that.

I just know that you are not all alone.

Okay, just tell me you hate him.

You hate him. That's fine. All right?

The sooner you say it,
the sooner I can dump him,

and we could just go back to normal.

Elliot? No, I love him.

I... he's... he's lovely.

He's great, right?

If that's not it,
what's... what's going on?

Well, uh... [EXHALES]

I met my mother today.

Oh.

Wow, wh... how'd it go?

D'arcy...

[SOMBER MUSIC]

Come here.

Before today, I thought parenting

meant an older human taking
care of a younger one,

feeding it, clothing it,

making sure it didn't
get eaten by wolves.

But sometimes it means protecting them

emotionally too.

This protective instinct isn't unique

to the biological child.

Humans parent their partners too.

They parent their friends
when they need to be guided,

when they are afraid or in danger.

But how do you parent
when you're in danger too?

- What the hell?
- You okay on gas?

Yeah, I have half a t*nk.

[WHOOSH]

Asta?

Asta!

[WIND HOWLING]

You are wrong.

It is not the Alpha
Draconians here on Earth.

And please, stop sending them messages.

We don't need those idiots down here.

You are the Greys.

What are you doing here?

The Greys have never
cared about the Earth.

Oh, my, you are so stupid.

When you say, oh
my, does that mean my?

Not yours.

- There is an O in it.
- Oh, yours.

- Oh, my.
- Oh, my?

Oh, my.

Is this a Grey saying?

It is an expression like
"wow!" and "holy sh*t!"

Why do you move so
much when you say it?

Because I'm freezing
my Grey d*ck off!

Oh, my.

We know who you are.

It's no use trying to get in our way

because we will destroy you
and everyone you care about.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

That makes no sense.

You okay, Harry?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

What I learned today is
that sometimes parenting

means pretending to feel safe.

[GASPS] Oh, my God!

[TENSE MUSIC]

Was that guy in his underwear?

Even when you don't.

Get back here!

Don't hurt him, please!

Honey, stop!