01x03 - Chopped Liver

[bunniefuu]

Mammy?

Mammy.

Oh. Sorry.

I must have fallen asleep there.

- Was it the fire again?
- Yeah.

Aw, I know. I know.

You could have lost me.

But you didn't.

- I didn't.
- No.

- God must have bigger plans for you.
- I'd like to think so. Hmm.

- Stick the kettle on.
- Yeah.

I'm so relieved we didn't put
the new kitchen units in there.

Yes.

Put them on the insurance, anyway.
I could have d*ed.

- I...
- Shush now.

The girls are at the Forty Foot.

I don't know how they find the time.

- Ursula has three kids.
- They're a different kind of woman to you.

They choose not
to put their families first.

That's true.

And you should be proud of it.

"The greatest achievement
is selflessness."

Well, that's very beautiful.
Where did you hear that?

Moonpig. Moonpig.com.

And I'm sure you'll find that
Ursula manages to make time for herself.

She's very quiet this morning.

Yeah, well, I'm not.
We need to... We need to talk.

Yeah, I know. Not now.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I didn't know you were coming.
You didn't respond to my text.

I didn't realize I had to RSVP
to freeze my bollocks off.

Got it. Auntie Becka, I got something!

We think it's a crab.

Yeah. Just give me two minutes.
I'll come in with ya.

- What were you two talking about?
- Huh?

What were you asking Eva?

- What was I... Um...
- Oh.

Are you going to Grace's egg hunt
thing on Saturday?

Uh, yeah. No.

I... I can't because I'm prepping
for Sunday lunch.

Yeah, I can't either.
Gonna visit her mother-in-law.

Want to butter up John Paul.

That's a horrible visual.

I'm thinking of asking
for a loan for the studio.

Why would you do that?

'Cause you can't help me out.

Yeah, I can't help you out now.
Just give me a couple of months.

It'll be gone in a couple of months.

I'm gonna give his mother
some physio on her hip.

Show her I'm an investment.
Like a share in a racehorse, you know?

- Or a pigeon.
- He's never gonna give you the money.

Well, I'll ask Grace then. It's half hers.

- What?
- You're just being naive.

- She's being stupid.
- Shut your hole.

Hey, Grace doesn't have her own
bank account. She shops with a Monzo.

Mom, can we go in the water now?

Wait for your Auntie Becka.

You trying to get rid of me?

You just said you'd go in with them.

- You kids find any crab?
- Oh.

Whoa.

Hey. You all right?

Mm-hmm.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just, um, late.

Could you bring David home to Donal?

Uh, he'll be there all day.
Thanks a million. See you later.

Thanks for asking. Let me...

Let me think,
does that work with my plans?

No problem. Leave it with me.

Such a piss-take.
What is wrong with this family?

So, when are we going
to have another go at k*lling the prick?

- Bibi.
- Wha...

Not giving up just
'cause of one little setback, Eva.

A setback? We blew up their home.

Yeah, but not him.

There's all kinds of ways
people can die by accident.

All kinds of unfortunate mishaps.

I was thinking something at work,
an industrial accident.

We work in an
open-plan architectural firm.

- What are we gonna do?
- Auntie Eva?

- Paper cut him to death?
- We've got crabs.

The roof terrace? The fire escape?

Yeah, we're not doing anything like that.

We're doing it again,
we're doing it with poison this time.

Like normal women.

Matt, you listening?

We use what we found out at the hotel

to increase the pressure
with this next sister.

See what we glean.

Got a contact
for a detective inspector in Malahide.

Dad used to send him a hamper every year.

No idea why.

Probably some bet
that started years ago at the dogs.

Probably just shagging his wife.

So, we go after his permission
for the postmortem.

That's... That's not gonna happen.

Really? Well, let's see,

because I can be
a persuasive m*therf*cker.

What?

So...
Sorry, you're just ridiculous.

- What are you doing? Answer it.
- No, I'm not answering it with you here.

Jesus. F... I'm ridiculous?

Hello. Matthew speak...

Matt, nice to hear from ya.

Huh?

I'm just about to head out.
What can I do for you?

Uh, I think you called me. What's up?

No, no, no. That's cold.

How about you called me to say that...

You called m... You called me.

That it was gorgeous
to see me the other night.

It was nice to see you.

Ugh.

I... I really liked, um...
I really liked talking to you.

I just, I've been... I've been thinking...

And you wanted to get that date
nailed down so you can see me again?

Yeah, all right. What are you doing later?

Free as a mud lark.

Text me what time and where.

Don't wear that tiny jacket.
Thanks for calling.

It's great you answered
the phone like a big boy,

but do you want to wipe this stupid smile
off your face before she opens the door?

I'm your twelve o'clock.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Course.

It's groin strain.

Great.

- Who is it, Michael?
- Two boys.

Come on in. Sit down.

All right.

Michael, love,
go on upstairs and get ready, okay?

Go on.

Can I get you something to drink?

- Uh, just some water, ple...
- Coffee would be great.

Didn't sleep well last night.

Yeah, lucky you caught me. I was about to
take Michael to his appointment.

Uh, shouldn't take too long.

Just a few questions about
your brother-in-law's accident

for the insurance.

Right. Yeah.

…the weather.
Yesterday was absolutely…

Tom.

Tom. Get back. Tom.

- Jesus Christ.
- Sorry.

- Sorry, I was just stretching me leg.
- I have a cramp.

That is usually a buildup of lactic acid.
Cramp.

Right, yeah. I forgot you're a nurse.

Must come in handy,
all that medical knowledge.

Yeah, well, you... you know,
handy for scrapes and child ailments.

We're all out of coffee, sorry.

Uh, it's a terrible business, you know.

Hmm.

So you were with your husband
the night of John Paul's death?

No, no. I was with my sisters.

Ah. Yeah, right. Sorry.

Your other sister said.
I-I didn't realize it was all of yous.

Yeah.

- So you go everywhere together?
- Well, we're close.

Like a pack?

Hmm, like a family.

So you had dinner together or...

Yeah.

Nice. What did you eat?

Sorry?

You'd food and drinks you said.

I can't remember
what we ate exactly.

Probably something simple. Like…

- chicken?
- Chicken.

In a chimichurri sauce.

That's what we'd usually have.

And probably a salad and garlic rice, um...

Is that one M? Chimichurri?

I don't know.

What was your relationship with
your brother-in-law like, Mrs. Garvey?

Flynn. Mrs. Flynn.

What do we... It was... It was good. Yeah.

We all got on like one big,
happy family, as they say.

That's not what your sister said.

- Grace?
- Eva.

Eva.

Well, her and JP are work colleagues,

so it was probably
a different story for them.

And Eva's a bit of a hothead, unlike me.

What are you like?

- What am I like?
- Mmm.

I'm... I'm a mother and a wife.

I'm a nurse.

Ah, don't know what else to say.

I lead a pretty boring life, to be honest.

I miss you.

I'm not gone yet.

Miss you in five minutes then.

Oh, before I forget.

Free hotel swag.

- You can think of me in the shower.
- I don't think about much else.

I have to go.

I should bring Michael
to a doctor's appointment,

and then I start my night shift.

I should have been sleeping today,
not, you know?

I'm sorry I didn't let you sleep.
There was just too much to do.

Did I tell you
I have deep feelings for you?

Up into Ulster this afternoon,

reaching parts of Munster
and north Leinster later this evening.

Largely dry elsewhere
with sunny spells developing.

Highest temperatures…

sh*t.

No, not here.

John Paul.

Oh, that's quite the ding.

I'm going to have to take your details,
sister-in-law.

Uh, of course. Yeah.

- Sorry, I don't know how that...
- 181-D-588.

Uh, location?
What's the name of this hotel? Or…

Is it a brothel?

Did you follow me here?

Is this how you like
to spend your time off?

Not with your kids?
Not with your disabled son?

Do not talk about my son.

Does Donal know about your little affair?

- John Paul, if...
- Finish it.

Or I'll tell him.

You're vile.

Do you know that?

Disgraceful. That's what you are.

And disgusting.

Disgraceful, vile and disgusting.
That's what you are.

Vile, disgusting, and disgraceful.
That's you, Ursula Garvey.

Vile, disgusting, and disgraceful.

Got you by the short and curlies,
Ursula Garvey.

Hello, Gerald.

Oh, where the hell are you?

Uh, I was just heading back
to the office now.

- Um, they kept waiting to, um...
- I don't wanna hear it.

- Sorry, it definitely won't happen again.
- Get back to the office now.

- I'm... I'm terribly sorry.
- Bloody liberty.

f*ck.

Hi.

We put it in his liver.

- What?
- Monday is liver day.

Only JP eats it, but he makes her
cook it every bloody week.

Grace always gets something else
for herself and Blanaid.

Mmm. Well, how do we get it in there?

I think we bring Ursula in on this.

If anyone's gonna know how to do it,

- it's a nurse.
- What? No, no way.

Why not?

Because she'd never...

- She's a mother.
- So am I.

Yeah, but you're... Well, she...
She's got morals. She's...

Bibi, I'm not getting into this
on the phone at work.

- Can I come round?
- No.

What?

Oh, God. Fine. Come round tomorrow night.

I'll try and bunk off a bit earlier.

Come on, everybody.
It's the Thursday raffle.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Oh, thank you.

Sorry.

Eva?

Sorry. You just... You startled me.

I'm very startling.

- Did you buy a ticket?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I... I buy all the tickets
to all the charities.

I just... Catholic guilt, you know?

w*r Child, Help the Aged. Donkey Sanctuary
got a big payout last week.

- Oh, you have a big heart.
- Yeah, I care a lot about donkeys.

What are you up to for the weekend?

Oh, I'm just sitting on my sofa watching,
uh, true crime documentaries.

Nazis, probably.

- You?
- Same.

Yeah, I don't believe
that for a second.

Oh, come on.

Oh, it's green, 2-1-6.

Green ticket, 2-1-6.

- sh*t.
- You got it?

It's me.

- Yeah, we have a winner.
- No.

Something for the weekend.
Not that you'll need it, I'm sure.

- Thank you so much.
- Enjoy.

How did they know?

If a man did that, can you imagine?

Listen, we... …
…we should go for a drink sometime.

When you're not watching Nazis.

Huh?

- A drink? Liquid alcohol? Glass container?
- Sorry? Yes, yeah.

Yeah, that would be... I'd like that.

- That'd be... Yeah, give me a call, okay.
- Okay.

What the f*ck, Eva?

Oh, sh*t! Sorry! Sorry.

Sorry. God, I think I just got asked out.

Oh, and I won a dildo.

Minna. It's Becka.

Hello? Minna?

Oh, come in. Come in.

I left my G-string on.

It's on backwards, but great stuff.

I'm seeing this lad called Callum.

I don't want to shock you,
but I'm just in it for the sex.

Mmm, that's how George and I began.

He only wanted one thing,
but then he saw what else I had.

You're gas.
Are you sure you're John Paul's ma?

Nah. I think they dipped him in vinegar
before they handed him over.

Ow.

Sorry. All done now, anyway.

Oh.

George collected all this.
George is my hubby.

He should be home soon.

So how did George manage
to land a beautiful girl like you?

He threw a dead bird at me.

Oh, really? That's interesting.

It got my attention.

Strange.

Love makes you do strange things.

Why stick a finger up someone's assh*le?

Well, he didn't deserve you.

They're all bastards, right?

No, dear. They are not.

Hmm.

But he just walked out on you.
I mean he just left you.

No, that is not the story.
He will be back very soon.

Hey.

Oh, look, Blanaid has a bouncy castle.

You didn't bring the basket, Ursula.
Ursula?

- Enjoy kids.
- Bye, Dad!

I'll bring you a bucket of eggs.

- You're not coming in?
- Ah, no.

I'll leave the Easter Bunny
to you and the girls, JP.

Got to keep the wife happy.
God knows what could happen otherwise.

Oh, I hear you.
Very hard to keep this one happy, though.

Bet she's worth it.

- See you later.
- Later.

See you.

Is it finished with your f*ck buddy?

Urs. Come on.

- Yeah, coming.
- End it.

Or I'll tell Donal. I swear, I mean it.

It's over, okay?

It's finished.

Well, in that case, in you go.

Hello, you.

Come to daddy, Oscar.

Hello.

Anything else I can help you with?

Yeah, actually.

Your brother-in-law claimed
for a car accident

at the Marker Hotel about four months ago.

If I'm not mistaken, uh,
you were involved in that accident too.

Yes. Yes, I was.

It was just a little ding-a-ling, really.

What were you both doing at the hotel?

Well…

I was having lunch
with an old friend and...

Well, I don't know what...
I don't know what JP was doing.

And who was the old friend?

It's probably none of your business.

I know. Sorry.

I didn't see your name
in the reservations book, is all.

That's because I didn't make
a reservation.

I just walked in.

Ah, always more fun not to plan.

I'm the same.

Although, it can often lead
to disappointment.

I have a lot to be getting on with today,
so if there's anything else you need...

Yes. May I use
the little boy's room quickly?

Top of the stairs,
second door on the left.

Potluck whether it's been flushed or not.

Hello.

- Hey.
- No problem.

What? Why are you talking funny?

- Okay.
- The insurance twats?

- Yeah, it's all... It's all great.
- I told you you'd be next.

- Oh, sh*t. Are they still there?
- It's all great.

- Don't... Don't panic because... Yeah.
- I'll... I'll call you later.

Hello. Oh, sh*t.

Did you hear that?

- Sorry?
- Nothing.

There he is now.

- Uh, we'll be out of your hair.
- Good stuff.

Yeah.

You know what?

I've been debating whether to ask this,
but I'm worried if I don't,

I'll just be all…
…irked at myself later.

Were you having an affair?

With your brother-in-law?

What?

Why would you ask something like that?

Just, you know... Just a hunch.

Being at a hotel together during the day,
and I know you said...

I was not having an affair with John Paul.
No chance on this earth.

The very suggestion of anything intimate
with that man is just...

Christ!

- Oh, hello.
- Hi.

Hey.

Um, these gentlemen are, um, just...

They're handling John Paul...
Grace's insurance policy.

Right. Good to meet you.

We'll leave you to it.

She did not like her brother-in-law.

You're not joking.

Well, two more sisters to go.

Just keep shaking the trees,
see what other sh*t apples fall out.

Dickhead. Who does that?

- What? Who does that?
- It's fine.

Where you going now? Fancy a pint?

I've got my own plans, thank you.

But you can have fun
with your rubbish bag.

I need a lift to my place.

Knew it.

"Death cap is responsible
for most fatal mushroom poisonings.

The extraction of toxins can be done
through liquid fungal cultures."

I don't even know what that means.

"The principal toxic constituent
is amanitin,

which causes liver and kidney failure
that can be fatal."

- Can.
- Will.

If we extract enough,

then one of these little
bad boys will k*ll you.

Okay, but how? How do we do that?

Are these library books?

You know there'd be a record
of what you borrowed?

No, there won't. I stole them.

You stole books from a library?

Calm your ham, I'm gonna bring them back.

Well, clean up this sh*t.

Urs! Hi?

- Sorry. Have you got a moment?
- Hey, what's up?

Yeah. Yeah. Of course, come in.

It's, um, it's more than just a fling.

Does Donal know?

- I don't want to hurt him.
- Yeah.

I don't want to lose the kids.

You're not gonna lose the kids.

Just…

How long has it been going on?

- Just over a year.
- Huh.

Why are you telling me now?

The prick, Eva.

He found out. He followed me.

f*ck. What?

If I don't end it,
he's gonna tell Donal everything.

And I-I tried.
And I tried, I really tried.

I hate myself.

I just lie, and I cheat.

No. Come here, it's fine. Stop.

I feel like I used to, you know?
When I'm... When I'm with him.

I feel young.

Part of me that's just been sleepwalking
through life for years is...

Is awake again.

- Wow.
- f*ck's sake.

- Jesus Christ, Bibi.
- Sorry. Okay.

First of all, I'm gonna vomit.
You're pathetic.

And secondly, there's another option.

- Shut up.
- Why? We need her help anyway.

- Shut up, Bibi.
- What's she talking about?

Second option is we lance
the seeping boil that is the prick.

We get rid of him.

Get rid of him? What are you on about?

f*cking hell.

Hang on.

We just want to give nature
a helping hand.

- Are you out of your f*cking mind?
- Uh…

Yeah. May... I don't know. Maybe.

No. No. I'm sorry.
You're not dragging me into this.

No f*cking way.

Am I... Am I culpable now?

Because you told me ab...
You can't do this.

You're gonna land yourselves,
and me, in jail or worse.

We're gonna poison him, Ursula,
with or without your consent,

and we have no intention
of getting caught.

And how exactly are you planning
on doing that?

Death cap.

Are you insane?

What about Blanaid?

What... What about Grace?

We're gonna do it on liver day.
Only the prick eats it.

That's why we need your help. We just
don't know how to extract the poison.

The first signs of death cap poisoning
are vomiting and diarrhea.

He'll go to A&E, and they'll do tests,

and they'll find amanitin in his blood,
and then they'll call the police.

And then, when he dies
between three and five days later,

they'll be searching for the idiots
who poisoned him.

See? This is why we need your help.
What would you recommend instead?

Urs, we...

Great. That's great.

All right, that's me off
to my night shift, Urs.

Have fun at Eva's tomorrow.

Hey.

- Do you want a bottle opener for that?
- No, I brought that. That's a screw cap.

Classy.

Slut.

What? She was being a judgy bitch.

Hey! Oh, I'll watch next time.
Okay? Catch.

Help.

- Hi.
- Hey. Oh, hi. I wasn't expecting to...

Lemon meringue pie. It has a biscuit base,

and I didn't have time
to make pastries, sorry.

You can't b*at this woman's pies.
Pastry or not.

Is it okay? I tried calling.

Yeah, of course.
It's just, you're not usually...

It was John Paul's idea.

Hey, hon.

Okay, she'll be better at this.
We can do this.

Uh, no Donal today?

He's working.

Ah. That's a shame.
Poor Donal, always missing out.

Yeah.

Okay.

- Lamb?
- I have lots. Thanks.

When's the cabin getting sorted, JP?

The insurance company is being thorny,
but they'll pay out.

Suspicious bloody terriers.
Mammy's very upset.

Well…
…I had two photo albums in there.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Grace.

Yeah, um, only holiday snaps
of Blanaid when she was little

and others I can't remember,
but photos I can't replace, you know?

And my Rolex

and the stereo system
and the wide-screen TV.

He's making light of it,
but he was really shocked.

We're just counting our blessings
that he wasn't actually in there.

Grace, thank God
you and Blanaid weren't there.

I mean, Christ,
it doesn't bear thinking about.

Yeah.
Well, we were at the concert, so…

Can you pass the green beans
over there?

More sauce?

No.

Um, I'll have some. Thank you.

- It's mint.
- You won't like it, pet.

- Ooh.
- Mmm.

What is that?

Ursula!

Are you doing then?

- Come on!
- Why?

- No!
- Becka! Becka! Becka!

Why do we have to do it?

'Cause what would Dad say if we didn't?

He would say…

"This country…"

"…was made a free republic
on Easter Sunday in 1916.

Do the poem, girleen!"

Drunk. Drunk and all.

"We knew enough to know that dre"...
I've forgotten…

…forgotten the whole thing. I'm so sorry.

- You know this.
- Okay. "We...

We knew their dream; enough
To know they dreamed"...

Don't you laugh... "And are dead."

- Go!
- Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, it's me.

"And what if... What if excess of love
Bewildered them till they d*ed?"

Urs!

- Go on.
- "Write it out in a verse..."

"MacDonagh and MacBride."

- Yes! She knows it.
- Whoo!

Come on! Go on.

"And…"

- And to…
- "Connolly!"

- Yay!
- And…

Look at her, so happy with ourselves.

And… And…

- And…
- "And…"

- "Pearse."
- Whoo-hoo.

Yes!

"Now, and in time to be,
Wherever green is worn...

- Are changed…
- Changed…

- Come on. Changed…
- Are changed…

A terrible beauty is born."

Come on!

- Mommy?
- Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

- Too loud?
- It's like having a train in my head.

It's like a train in your head. I'm sorry.

Sorry, Michael.

Like an IRA meeting.

Awful.

But we have lovely voices, though, right?

- Yeah, but noisy mammies.
- Noisy mammies?

Drinky mammies.

Not all mammies.

- Is there any more meat, Mammy?
- I'll just go.

Uh, okay. So, take those.

Don't...
Don't get the foils all over my garden.

Do you want some more?

- No. No.
- I'm just giving…

Yeah, that's Easter.
I love the way you've always made...

…to get lots of animals.
Like, maybe a caterpillar.

Sorry, I just really need to pee.

You do want
any of the one you brought?

It will be...

- Really?
- Yeah. Uh, I recommend it.

It was in the 12 euros.

Oh, God, that's disgusting.

Uh… Yep.

Uh.

Yep! Coming.

Sorry, I was gonna pee myself.

And you haven't even had kids yet.

- To family. To…
- To family. To you.

To having you here at... on Easter.

- It's so lovely seeing you together…
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But even the...
With the smaller ones.

They're just adorable together.

Right.

Who wants some Easter flan,
courtesy of me?

- No flan.
- Oh, I love your weird flan.

Did you just ask if we wanted flan
while pulling your flies up?

Have you washed your hands,
you dirty bitch?

Of course, I washed my hands!

- In the shape of a cross.
- Yeah.

Why must she force feed us flan?

I've been sitting on that one forever.

All your life.
I'm really glad you did.

Ah, come on.

How long will it last? Till…

It'll last about six months.

I'm in. I love...
I love how there's never any…

Come on, Bibi.

Well, I told you there'd be eggs,
and now there's no baskets.

- Molly, get... get your coat, okay?
- What? Why?

We're going home. I'm sorry, okay?

We have to go. Guys, go get your coats on.

You look very shook. Have some flan.

Where are you going?

- I'm so sorry, guys, but we have to go.
- Urs?

Grab your stuff and get in the car.

Urs! Urs, wait!

- Come on, let's go.
- Urs. Molly. Can you just wait?

- Just get in. That's it. Close the door.
- Oh, my god. Can you just... Urs!

I can explain about the cabin.

- What?
- Sorry. Can we talk?

No, it's not that. It's nothing.
It's... Thank you.

It's, um... Donal's come home to us.

And you know how he loves Easter,
so I just want to... I want us to be there.

- No, I don't.
- Will you close the door?

Look, give...
Give me a call when you... Jesus.

Take...

Drive carefully!

Pick up, pick up. Come on, come on.
Pick up. Donal. Come on! Pick up!

What's going on, Mom? Mom!

Nothing!

I want flan!

Pick up. Pick up.

Auntie Becka said
she had a special egg for me.

- Why did we have to leave?
- Pick up.

And Michael wants flan, Ursula.

Yeah, we have to meet your father,
okay? It's urgent.

Just, um, put some headphones
on your brother, Molly, and...

Jesus! Jesus Christ, man!

Jesus Christ, man.

Jesus Christ, man.

Hmm. Jesus Christ, man.

- Jesus Chr...
- Jesus Christ, man!

Jesus Christ, man.

- Jesus Christ, man.
- Jesus Christ, man!

- Jesus Christ, man!
- Jesus Christ, man!

Stay here.

Molly, you're in charge.

- I don't want to.
- Molly, please!

Miss Murphy says you have to say
no when we don't consent,

and I do not consent!

I don't care about consent!

- Follow her in. Follow her in.
- I'm going.

Why are you following me?
Go back to the car.

- Whoa!
- Jesus Christ, man!

- Ursula.
- Hi!

- Excuse me. Pardon me. Thanks.
- Whoa!

Sorry.

Sorry!

- No!
- No! Come on, leave them! Come on!

- Hey, Ursula.
- Hi! Yeah.

- What's Daddy's PIN?
- Mammy, I can't say.

Molly! I will let you get
the top of your ear pierced.

Two, four, seven, six, six, six.

You shouldn't steal
people's private information, Ursula.

Stop calling me Ursula!

- Hey. Everything okay?
- Hi.

- Yeah, uh...
- Mom said that...

That we were, um,
bringing you this because,

um, we all missed Daddy today, didn't we?

And we know that you love…
…Easter, so...

Mmm. I love you.

Oh, brilliant.

Metildigoxin.
Inject 300 milligrams into the liver.

It will cause fatal cardiac arrhythmia.

But I thought you...

No doctor is going to think a heart att*ck
a man his age is suspicious.

And do it quick, before I change my mind.

Thank you!

- Come on, pick up.
- Thomas?

Yes?

- Hello?
- sh*t!

Pardon?

Nothing. I'm so sorry.
Just give me one second.

- Are you okay?
- I have to pee again!

Absolutely. Two... Two ticks.
Give me two ticks.

- Huge apologies.
- Who is this?

Listen, you don't know me.

I've left a number of messages
with your office. Thomas Claffin.

Postmortem man.

Yeah, world's shittest superhero.
Although, actually, you know...

Thomas, I'm no joke gonna piss the bed.

What do you want?

Listen, I'm a friend of
Malcolm Hill. He gave me your number and…

I am so sorry to bother you of an evening.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

I'm in the middle of a crime scene…

investigation.

Thomas!

sh*t. Look,
normally I'd leave you to your crime scene

like a normal human,
but we're really up against it.

This postmortem has been requested
by nobody, Mr. Claffin, apart from you.

Not by the law, not by the family,
not by the authorit...

No, no, I have the widow's permission.

Jesus Christ.

What do you say, Inspector?
Can we talk you through our findings?

Fine, yeah. Look it.

Call the office in the morning.
Arrange an appointment.

Thank you, thank you very much, Inspector.

I'm gonna piss the bed!

Coming!

Sorry, just some shouting at me wife.
She's pregnant.

Hello? Hello?

Too late!

Oi! Pervert!

Hi.

Hi.

Mmm.

Oh. That's nice.

Yeah.

Ah.

There you go. Now we're even.

No one owes anyone anything,
now that we're even.

Oh, uh... Well, it's this way.

Why did I have to wear something sporty?

Well, it doesn't matter, really,
'cause you didn't anyway.

sh*t.

Ah! Well done, man.

High praise, huh?

It is. From Naill anyway.

Oh.

Gonna have a go?

Not really sure you tried there.

Not really sure why you brought me here
on our first date.

It's hard to know what to do
with a girl like yourself.

It is so much easier than you think.

Come on, I'm gonna teach you.

So, you have to bend your knees.

Never saw you do that with Cian.

Who's Cian?

It's just an old friend
I used to play boule with back in the day.

Ran off with his girlfriend.

- Shut the f*ck up, Naill!
- Oh.

Ooh.

Sorry.

Is that true?

Uh, no. No, she was actually my fiancée.

sh*t. He was your friend?

Yeah. Yeah, he was also
the lead singer of my band.

Oh.

He looked a lot better in skinny jeans,
in fairness.

I'm sorry you lost your girl.
And your friend.

Yeah, threw me off for a while.

And what about now?

Now? Now I'm on my guard.

I think you should have another go.

It's been a while since
I looked through the old family photos.

You think it'd be upsetting,
but it's joyful.

- All those memories.
- Yeah.

Dad's rockabilly hair.

I know! Huh?

Oh, God, her pointy tits.

They were a lovely couple.

Of tits?

I'm sorry you lost some of your photos.

Made me think of that one you've got
of Mom and Dad at the Forty Foot.

We should get copies made of that,
you know,

just in case something happens,
for all of us.

That's a lovely idea.
Do you think you'll be able to restore it?

- Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
- Brilliant. Okay, look, I'll go grab it.

- Okay. All right.
- And I'll be back in a minute.

Ooh. I spilled some of the...
Some of the tea.

- Here.
- Yeah, give me.

I'll grab a cloth.

It's a nice thing you're doing.

Yeah, I hope so.

Look at you. Boobless.

I may have been a late developer.

Aw.

I love you.

Love you too.

Hey, honey. I'm just in the middle of
supper here. Can I call you back?

Oh, you are?
I was just thinking about you.

Aw, that's sweet.

Yeah.

I was just... Well, I was just wondering...
I was just wondering how... how you are.

I'm grand. Why?

No... No... No reason. I was just...

Oh, honey, look, I have to go.
I'm boiling over here.

Okay. I... I love you!

Call you back. Bye.

Mom? Mom.

Oh… …God's sake.

Urs, we haven't heard from Grace.

I haven't either.

Jesus Christ, I'm going out of my mind.

Um, will you come over?
Everybody's left now.

We're on our way.

Put the kettle on.

- Would've worked by now, right?
- Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

Um. I can... I can't answer it. I can't.

No, I can't. No.

No, don't. Don't f*cking...

Hey, honey.

He's dead, Eva.

He's dead.

Just... Uh... Te...
Just tell me what happened, Grace.

He didn't wake up this morning.
Heart failure in his sleep.

Oh, God.

Well... Well, at-at least, you know it...

This is just awful.

I keep thinking maybe it's...

It's best this way, you know?
He was getting on.

Huh?

We're gonna bury him
in the garden this afternoon.

In the garden?

Is Bibi there?

Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, she...

Oh, my God, it's Oscar.

He was such a good dog.

Such a gentle soul.

- Oh, no, no, no. No.
- Oh, my God.

Poor Blanaid.

- Oh.
- Oh, God.

Oh, um…

Well, look it's…

No.

Mmm. Oh, Gracie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's all right.

Can you just drop me here?

- What's that?
- Can you just let me off here?

What's so special about here?

That was gonna be mine.

First floor of that building there?
My first business.

Sorry.

It just winded me, seeing it.

What happened?

Ah, you know, I had no money, and a
family member was supposed to help me out.

Sort of landed me in it.

I lost money.

Lost my confidence, I think.

I had a lot of big plans.

Don't know where they're gone now.

I don't think
those insurance twats

are gonna stop
until they get what they want.

Move.

They went to the hotel
me and Ben used to meet at.

Jesus.

They thought John Paul
and I were having an affair.

How is that funny?

Sorry, it's not.
It's... It's a horrible image.

I'm pretty sure that ginger one
went through my medicine cabinet.

They better not try that sh*t on me.

Jesus Christ,
this is making me so stressed.

Why?

Seriously, what have they got? Really?

They're so wide off the mark.

We just have to keep
checking in with each other.

Okay? Backing each other's stories,
playing it safe.

And we'll be fine.

As long as Becka keeps her mouth shut.