05x04 - The Evans Get Involved: Part 4

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♪ Any time You're
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♪ Not gettin' hassled
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♪ Keepin' your
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♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

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♪ Scratchin' And survivin' ♪

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♪ Ain't we lucky We got 'em ♪

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[THE EMOTIONS' "BEST
OF MY LOVE" PLAYING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Um... J.J., can't you say
hello when you come in?

Thelma, if I said
hello when I came in

I wouldn't have enough
strength to come in.

[SARCASTIC] Aw. Another
tough day at the office, huh?

Hey, look here, gal.

I works hard at that
advertising agency.

It's a jungle out
there. Dog eat dog.

Well, you in big trouble,
because you look like a Milk-Bone.

You got some nerve.

You could be a model for Alpo.

Oh, come on. With that old face.

[ARGUING]

Well, you gonna clean
up, you know what I mean?

Got some nerve with...
Wait a... wait a minute.

Now, wasn't that Willona
who just ran through here?

Either Willona or Jack LaLanne.

Mm.

I guess all that hassle she's
going through to adopt Penny

must be really getting to her.

I sure hope she gets her.

Hey, J.J., doesn't
dinner smell good?

Try it.

Yeah, Thelma, this'll
really stick to your ribs

if you can get it
unstuck from the pot.

First person who asks
me how school was today

is gonna get a knuckle special.

Okay, won't ask.
It was a bummer.

I tried out for captain of
the JV basketball team.

I didn't even make co-captain.

And there are three co-captains.

Ah.

Hey, Willona.
What are you doing?

Jogging. You oughta
try it. It's good for you.

Hey, why don't you
do that in the park?

Are you jiving? The park?

[LAUGHS]

I'd either get mugged,
hugged or slugged.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Willona. Huh?

You don't have to be
knocking yourself out

to get in shape. Oh.

I mean, you're in
great shape for a...

[CLEARS THROAT]

-year-old woman.

Well, if I'm gonna
be Penny's mother,

I'm gonna have to
be in better shape.

Willona, you're just
gonna raise the kid.

You're not gonna fight her.

J.J., I'm doing this
fool running around

because if I ever stood
still, I'd worry myself crazy

wondering if I'd ever
get Penny or not.

Have you heard
anything about her yet?

No. All I heard is
"Be cool, take it easy,

it's too soon, Willona."

Huh. Honey, I've been examined
by psychologists, sociologists

and a mess of
other fancy "ologists."

And after all that I still
gotta have a final interview.

Well, at least Penny's
being taken very good care of

in that foster home.

What if I don't get her?

What if I flunk
my final interview?

Willona, you won't flunk.

Especially if you go by
my motto of life, which is:

Always think positive thoughts
and you're bound to deliver,

and if that don't work,
there's always the river.

You know, J.J.,
you're a really big help.

Thank you.

I'm gonna jog to the store, get
me some ice cream and cake.

Ice cream and cake,
Willona? Mm-hm.

I owe it to myself
after all this exercise.

See you all later.
ALL: See you later.

I sure hope she gets Penny.

It'll be fun hearing the patter
of little feet around here.

Yeah. [KNOCKING]

Especially if the little feet
aren't attached to cockroaches.

Hey, Bookman, what
do you want? Shhh!

She'll hear us. Who'll hear us?

Miss Woods. I just found
out that she's a spy. Aw.

Willona a spy?

Look here, Bookman,
you sure you haven't been

cutting off old mop
heads and smoking 'em?

Well, how come the CIA's asking
questions about her lifestyle?

Whether or not she throws
wild parties and stuff like that?

They're doing it because
she's trying to become a mother.

You mean the CIA's
into motherhood too?

Well, they're into
everything else.

You see, Willona's
trying to adopt Penny.

The cute little kid
who used to live here?

Hey, that's terrific.

So it's probably
the social workers

asking all those questions.

Oh. Listen, you know, I'd
like to help Miss Woods.

I mean, we don't get
along on everything,

but, hey, if she wants
that kid, I'm all for it.

Aw, that's nice of you, Bookman.

But you see, it's extra
hard for Willona to adopt

because she's a single person.

You mean it would be easier
if she was a married couple?

Much easier.

Well, she can count on me.

I'm behind Miss
Woods 100 percent.

In your case, Bookman,
it's more like 400 percent.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hey! Hey!

Heeeeyy! Ha-ha! Whoa! Heh-hey.

[LAUGHS]

Chello?

Hello there, Ma.
Well... It's Ma?

Yeah... Outta there.

Ma, your honeymoon's lasted
longer than most marriages.

[LAUGHS]

Just a little joke there.

Ma said, "Very little."

[MICHAEL LAUGHS]

Yeah, when you all coming home?

Mm-hm.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmmmm.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm-hm-hm.

Mm-hm.

What!

Same to you, you
old mackerel mouth.

J.J., how could you
talk to Ma like that?

That wasn't Ma. That
was the motel operator.

She cut us off.

J.J., what was all
that uh-huhing about?

Yeah. Well, Miguel,
it's very heavy.

I think you all
better sit down here.

You know, being the
oldest member of the family

and now the man of the
house and the eldest junior...

and the temporary
commander in chief...

Are you gonna tell us or not?

I was just getting to that.

Uh, Ma and Carl are fine,

but they think they gonna stay
in Tucson a little while longer

on account of the climate's
good for Carl's health.

How much longer?

Could be a year.

Aw. A year?

What about us?

Well, Ma wants us
to come out there.

[KNOCKING] Oh,
good. That'll be great.

Uh, J.J., what did you tell her?

Nothing.

That's when the
operator cut us off.

Hello, is this the
Evans apartment?

Yes, it am.

Oh. I'm Mrs. Dobbs

from the Department of
Children and Family Services.

Well, Willona's a beautiful
person. Come on in.

She'd be the best
mother that girl could have.

She's exactly what Penny needs.

Well, my goodness.

I haven't even asked
any questions yet

and you have all the answers.

Well, she'll be a
very good mother

'cause she's very
responsible. Very.

Yeah, she practically
brought me up and look at me.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Well, I think I better go
interview Miss Woods now.

Oh, she's not home right
now, but she'll be right back.

You can wait here if you like.
Oh, I'm certainly tempted to.

My feet are k*lling
me. Corns, you know.

I wore orthopedic
shoes for years.

Then I found out they were
a size and a half too small.

Mm-hm.

Uh, why don't you wait in
Willona's apartment over here.

That way you'll be
sure not to miss her.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Well, thank you very much.

You know, I could
come back tomorrow

but I'm planning to
soak my feet in bicarb.

Hey, J.J., about Arizona,
are we really going?

Well, if Ma wants
the family there,

I guess you and Thelma
are gonna have to go. Yo!

Hold on, me and Thelma?
What about you, J.J.?

Yeah, aren't you
part of the family?

Sure. But I reached
the age of maturity.

Coulda fooled me.

Look here, gal, I got a good
job now and I'm not leaving it.

Yeah, but you said you
were tired of working so hard.

Well, Thelma, hard work is
not only the key to success,

it is also the key to the
executive powder room.

I agree with you, J.J.

You know, bro, I'm
really gonna miss you.

Yeah, J., it's gonna be
so miserable without you.

It'll be just like
you were there.

[MICHAEL LAUGHS]

Oh, dear. Oh.

[BLOWS]

Oh, say, if you've come
to see Miss Woods,

she's not home yet. I'm
waiting to see her myself.

You wouldn't by any chance
be the adoption social worker?

Oh, why, yes, I
am. I'm Mrs. Dobbs.

Oh, it's a pleasure to
meet a social worker

who does such good social work.

Well, thank you very
much I enjoy the work.

[LAUGHS]

Now may I have my hand back?

[MOUTHS] Oh.

But you know, it's
awfully hard on the feet.

The work, is, that
is. Corns, you know.

Well, why don't you come inside
where it's more comfy? Allow me.

Thank you.

Say, do you have a
key to that apartment?

I mean, who has a
better right? [LAUGHS]

Oh, you're a friend
of Miss Woods?

Friend is hardly the word.
I'm Miss Woods' husband. Oh.

Oh, my. Oh, well. I... I...
Well, I don't understand.

How could you be her husband?

I was under the impression
that she was a single person.

This is very
confusing, Mr. Woods.

No, no, no, no. I'm not
Mr. Woods, I'm Mr. Bookman.

You're Bookman and she's
Woods, and you're married?

That's even more confusing.

You see, I'm married to
a very liberated woman.

She uses her maiden
name, Miss Woods. Oh.

Well, I approve of that.
I'm liberated myself.

But I'm not quite that brave.

Besides, my maiden
name is Suggs.

We've been married
12 glorious years.

Oh, that's so
refreshing to hear.

Do you know that one out
of every two marriages today

ends up in divorce?

Oh, that could
never happen with us.

I wouldn't dream of breaking
up with my little Kissy Face.

[LAUGHS] That's my pet
name for her. Kissy Face.

Oh, I like that.

Hey, Bookman, what are
you doing in my house?

Breathlessly awaiting you,
my little Kissy Face. Doof...

Get out of here.
Go along with me.

Get outta... You're
crazy. Out, out, out!

Little game we play every day.

Oh, I envy you.

And who are you?

Oh, I'm Mrs. Dobbs

from the Department of
Children and Family Services.

Oh. Oh, my. Excuse
my appearance.

I was out You look ravishing,
jogging. my little Kissy Face.

Let me hold this.

What in the world
is going on? Shh.

And what's with this Kissy Face?

Oh, that's all right.

You just pretend I'm not here.

Do you have a pet
name for Mr. Bookman?

Uh-huh. Buffalo Butt.

[MOUTHS] Oh.

Buffalo Butt?

That's very endearing.

Strange, but endearing.

Now, Ms. Woods, the
department wants to know

where your head is at.

You see, in order to
be an adoptive parent

one must be self
confident, dedicated, flexible,

understanding and patient.

Aw, that lady's all
that. Believe me, she is.

This lady's a saint.
Saint Kissy Face.

[LAUGHING]

Buffalo Butt? [FAKE LAUGHS]

Can I talk to you
a minute, please?

Excuse us. Yes.

Would you check the bathroom,
I think there's a leaky faucet.

Your every wish is my command.

But I'll miss you
every second I'm away.

Au revoir.

Well, I don't know
what got into that man.

Well, continuing
with the requirements

for parenting: Mm-hm.

Uh, one must be able
to give freely of oneself.

Oh, I'm very generous.

Would you like some cake?

Or some cake and ice cream?

Ice cream and cake, you know?

Well, um... Well, no, thank you.

I'm trying to watch my figure.

Since no one else seems to be.

[LAUGHING]

Well, moving along,
one should have

a very healthy attitude
toward the opposite sex.

Oh, one does.

[LAUGHS]

One does.

Yes, I know. Mr. Bookman
confided in me.

He did?

[SCOFFS]

What does he know about it?

Well, I should think he
knows a great deal about it.

[LAUGHS DISMISSIVELY]

Not about my
personal life he don't.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, you have a
wonderful sense of humor.

And that's very important.

Oh.

Now then, what else can
you tell me about Buffalo Butt?

Well, there really isn't
much to tell, you know.

Whenever I need
him he's never around.

And when he is around
he does a lousy job.

There's that sense
of humor again.

Hi, Willona.

Oh, Miss Dobbs,
you're still here?

Well, yes, I had a
few more questions

but I think this
house is full of love

and would be an ideal
environment for a child.

Oh, thank you. Good.

And my I add that you have

a wonderful,
affectionate husband.

Willona's not married.

Not married?

You're not married?

Oh, well then, that
explains everything.

How dare you
deceive the department.

I didn't deceive anyone.

Oh, Miss Woods, you had
a good thing going for you

as a single person. Look, I...

I don't know why
you found it necessary

to bring up a phony husband.

But wait, I didn't. I di...

This will weigh very
heavily against you.

Miss Dobbs, please wait.
Goodbye, Miss Woods.

Willona, what is she talking
about? What phony husband?

I got a pretty good idea.

All fixed, Kissy Face.
Anything else I can do for you?

Yeah, hold still. Hm. Hm-hm.

[LAUGHING]

Come on, Willona, cheer up, now.

I'm sure Bookman
didn't mean any harm.

See, he heard us
saying that it was hard

for a single person to adopt,
so he thought he was helping.

Maybe he tried to help,
Thelma, but he ruined everything.

I'll never get Penny now. Oh.

[CHATTERING]

Where were you two for so long?

Oh, we at the bus depot
getting your tickets to Arizon-uh.

Well, you didn't have to go
to "Arizon-uh" to get them.

Thelma, J.J. got
two bus tickets.

One for me and one for you.

[SIGHS] Hey, Michael,

you know I've been
doing a lot of thinking.

Yeah? What I've
been thinking is...

Well, I think I don't
wanna go to Arizona.

What?

Well, you see, J.J.
needs somebody

to clean the house and cook.

What?!

Well, the truth is, Michael,

I don't wanna
transfer colleges now.

'Cause, see, I don't
wanna lose my scholarship.

That means I have to
go to Arizona by myself?

Aw, you can handle the bus ride.

And you know Ma'll
be glad to see you.

Yeah, I know.

Thelma, are you sure?

Michael, this is hard
for me, too, you know.

And I'm gonna miss
Ma, but I'm sure.

Willona. Huh?

What do you think about this?

Well, Gramps, you know
I'm gonna to miss you,

but you can make it on your own.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Well, Willona? Hm?

Just in case you don't get Penny

and someone else does,

I'm sure they'll find
a good home for her.

Yeah, but it won't be mine.

Yeah, and this is
all Bookman's fault.

[KNOCKING]

Boy, just wait till I get my
hands on that Bookman.

[HUFFS]

Hey... [KNOCKING] Just wait.

J.J., let him in.

I wanna give him a
piece of my mind too.

Yeah, if he'll accept
petty thoughts.

Now wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute.

Before you say anything,
I came to apologize.

Ah, nah, Bookman. No
apologies, no excuses.

This is the final straw.
You've done done it now.

Throw 'em up.

Come on, I don't wanna
hurt you, J.J. Aha. Karate.

Ah! Ga!

Oh, boy. Look, I was
only trying to help.

We know that, Bookman.
But you did it the wrong way.

That's right, this time you
have to pay the heavy price.

Hah! Hah!

Can't handle it, huh? Ha-ha!

Miss Woods, look, I
came up to your apartment

to ask you to make believe
that I was your husband.

You weren't there, and
then I ran into Miss Dobbs

and I sort of took off on
my own. Look, I'm sorry.

I accept your
apology. Now get out.

All right. I'll go.

Huh. Crawlin' out with your
tail between your legs, huh?

You might like to
know the reason why

I was trying to help.

It doesn't matter. Well,
I'm gonna tell you anyway.

You see, because my parents
were the nicest folks in the world.

Oh, come on, Bookman, not now.

I mean they put
me through school,

when I was sick, they nursed me.

And they brought me
up to be what I am today.

I thought you said
they were nice people.

Nathan Bookman,

a guy with a good heart
who did a dumb thing.

Hey, I told you it
was all right, didn't I?

Why don't you go on home, man?

But I only did a dumb thing

because I was remembering
my folks. [SIGHS]

You see, they didn't have me in
the beginning. They adopted me.

Oh, yeah, I was like Penny.
I had a mother and father,

but I never had parents.

Not until I moved in
with the Bookmans.

You know, I know I
messed up all your plans,

but, Miss Woods,
I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry I hit you in
the face with the cake.

Oh, that's all right,
butterscotch is my favorite.

Oh, by the way, listen, I
went to see Miss Dobbs.

I explained everything
to her and she said

they would take everything
into consideration.

Take everything
into consideration?

Hmmph.

That's just a highfalutin
way of saying:

"You've blown it, sister."

But she said to let you
know that a decision

would be made soon

and she'll call you
one way or the other.

Probably be the other.

Well, you tried.

Hey.

Thanks, Booga.

Yeah, sweet mama.

You know you are
the only one for me.

No, I could even never
think of anybody else.

Nah. You are everything to me.

Who is this?

Oh, Judy Ann, of course,
my little black-eyed pea.

You know, what do
you say you and me...

J.J., I've told you, you can't
tie up the phone, honey.

Miss Dobbs might be
calling me over here.

Willona, we've got to
put a cease and desist

to this phone business.

You're putting a
cramp in my love life.

J.J., I'm sorry. But you
don't know what it feels like

to want something so bad

and be kept waiting
and not knowing

whether you're gonna get it.

Sounds like my
love life, all right.

Is Gramps ready to go? Almost.

I'd take him down to the depot,
but I gotta stay with this phone.

We know, Willona,
we know. Oh, I'm sorry.

Michael, don't forget these now.

These are some cookies
I baked for the road.

Thelma, those cookies are
hard enough to be the road.

Well? Gramps, you gonna
say goodbye or what?

WILLONA: Take
care of yourself, hear?

Mm.

You let me know about
Penny. You know I will.

Well, Thelma, let's
get on outta here.

[SNAPS FINGERS] The bags.

Uh, J.J.

Eh, all right, all right.

Agh.

Aggghhh. Oh, boy. Oh, man.

These are so... Aw. Oh.

I don't wanna go.

What? I mean,
everything's arranged.

I don't care, Thelma.

I think I wanna stay
here with everybody else.

You know, Ma and Carl
have each other now,

and at the beginning of a new
marriage they should be alone.

[GROANING]
Miguel, are you ready?

No, J.J., I've
decided to stay here

and finish out the
school year. Arrggghh.

But, Michael, I thought
you were unhappy

about the basketball team.

Well, Thelma, you know
I think if I hang in there

I might make captain next year.

I wish you had
told me about this

before you had me wrestle
with all these heavy bags.

Oh, what heavy bags?

It wasn't them bags
that were heavy,

it was these rock cookies here.

Willona? Go ahead.

Do you think I made
the right decision?

Well, I think you're
using your mind, baby.

But instead of asking
me what I think,

somebody better call your
mama and ask her what she thinks.

You mean we're
gonna get a chance

to use our own
phone for a change?

Mm-hm. It doesn't
make any difference now,

because it's after office
hours. They won't call me...

Who am I kidding?

It's been a week, now, right?

Now, if I was gonna get Penny,

I would've heard
something by now.

Well, no news is bad news.

[FAKE LAUGHS]

I guess it just
wasn't meant to be.

Maybe the people
down at the department

figure a single person
has to have a double dose

of everything good, and Willona
Woods just did not measure up.

Maybe I want her
too much, you know?

Wanting to be a mother,
wanting someone to love.

I knew it was a long
sh*t from the beginning.

Willona.

Penny.

I'm here to stay.

[CRYING]

J.J., are you crying?

[SNIFFLES]

I'm not crying, Michael.

It just occurred to me though,
now that you're not leaving,

I'm gonna have to
eat Thelma's cookies.

[SOBS]

I had almost given up hope.

Well, you know in the past,
Miss Woods, it was very difficult

for single parents to adopt,

but laws have changed
and times have changed.

And there are so
many older children

waiting for a good home.

And anyway, we got such
glowing reports about you,

especially from Mr. Bookman,

that, well, we decided
that one could give

just as much love as two.

Thank you.

Penny...

I know we have so much
to learn about each other.

But I promise you,

I'll love you more
than any mother's

ever loved a little girl.

Oh, Mama. Oh, baby.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit Ripoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good times ♪