06x23 - Sisters

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪♪

Tarts! Give me tarts now.

What kind?

Those.

They're not finished yet.

They're finished.

Why is everyone so
hungry all of a sudden?

It's langley alumni week.

Mrs. Garrett picked a
great time to be out of town.

Crullers!

Three more minutes.

One more minute!

Jo, do you think it's
too early to wear white?

What?

Oh, I know, you really
shouldn't wear white until,

At the earliest, three
weeks after memorial day.

Well, unless you're a nurse.

I just feel like wearing
my new white slacks today,

Right this minute...
What do you think?

I think that when
you were very young,

Somebody dropped
you on your head.

Three jelly rolls,
one slice of quiche,

Blair's mother, two crumb cakes.

Coming right up.

My mother, two crumb cakes?

Tootie says she needs crullers.

Hi, sweetie. Mother!

And jo, how nice to see you.

How you doing, mrs. Warner?

Oh, great... Well,
except for one thing.

Jo, you're familiar with
automobiles and their parts.

Now, my jaguar makes
this clicking sound

When it goes
uphill... Why is that?

Oh, you probably
need a higher octane.

Octane... I'll have
my mechanic order it.

Mother, look at your nails.

They are fabulous.

I just love that color.

Tootie, crullers!

You know, it's
incredible out there.

It's like paris on
the opening day

Of the festival of st. Mark.

Yeah, it's like the bronx

At the opening of a new k-mart.

Well, it's all your fault.

You and the alumni committee
planned too nice a weekend.

Everybody wants to picnic.

Ahh, and guess what, darling?

This weekend is so successful,

We've decided to start
planning for next year already,

And I'll be here all week.

A week! That's terrific!

Then you'll stay right
here, in mrs. Garrett's room.

Well, that's a wonderful idea.

It's settled, then.

And as long as I'm
going to be here,

I want you to put me to work.

Now, what do we need?

Right now, tarts.

Ah! I'm on my way.

How many shall I buy?

Blair: okay, let me
get this straight.

There's the cuticle remover,

Then nail hardener,
then the fibers,

And the ridge filler.

Mrs. Warner: right.
Now, don't forget,

First, the color,
then the clear.

That way, you can put
a designs on the nail

And if you want to remove
it, you still have the color.

Mother, you are a genius.

How much longer can this go on?

Let's do our toes.

Ugh!

Why don't you go upstairs?

'Cause I'm too tired to move.

Tell you what, I'll steal
their emery boards.

Tootie, create a diversion.

[Doorbell rings]

Good, very good.

Mr. Polniaszek, hi!

Hey, tootie! Hi, g*ng!

Hey, jo! Hi, how you doing?

What are you doing here?

Selling... They just
expanded my territory.

I now cover from
manhattan to my daughter.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

I wanted it to be a surprise.

Oh, this is so great!

Yeah, I'm going to be here
for at least a few days.

And if peekskill buys
enough auto parts,

I'll be back twice a month.

Auto parts. Do you carry octane?

Monica, isn't it?

Yes.

We met at the girls' graduation.

I'm charlie polniaszek.

Oh, yes... Of course.

I remember riding to eastland

In that quaint,
little car of yours.

What did you call it?

A toyota.

Yes, that's right.

Oh, what a feeling.

Nice to see you again.

Jo, I skipped lunch
and I'm starving.

Want to go grab some dinner?

Oh, I wish you'd called.

There's been a crazy rush
on the shop this weekend

And we've got to
bake for tomorrow.

Oh, I was hoping we could sneak
out by ourselves this evening.

Oh, I'm sorry, mother,

But they really can't
make it without me.

Mrs. Warner, why don't
you go out to dinner

With mr. Polniaszek?

Tootie!

Yeah, we'll be done
in a couple of hours,

And the night'll still be young.

Natalie.

Why not?

We'll go out for a quick
bite and be back in time

For you and me to catch a movie.

Well, I suppose we should
get out of your way.

We'll take my car.

I don't mind waiting a minute
if you want to freshen up

Or maybe change your jacket.

Oh, when we get
there, if it's too dressy,

I'll take it off.

Oh.

Fine.

What did I do with my wrap?

It's in the closet.

Oh, would you?

No problem.

It's a little warm
for this mink, isn't it?

It's not to wear, it's to carry.

I see, here.

I'll just carry it, then.

How do I look?

Well, we're off.

Tootie: see you later.

Bye. Bye-bye.

What's the matter,
the door stuck?

Oh.

We'll go out for
dessert later, dear.

Terrific.

We've got a date, right?

Yeah, hey, I'm so
glad you're here.

This is all right, isn't it?

Sure, fine.

It's only going to
be a couple hours.

Bye. Bye.

Ooh!

Jo's dad, blair's
mom, together, alone.

What?

He's single. She's single.

You're crazy.

They have absolutely
nothing in common.

What are they going to
talk about, auto parts?

What time is it now?

10:13.

They've been gone four
hours and 13 minutes.

Don't you think I know that?

Yeah, well, your mother probably
dragged him off someplace

Where they serve 20
courses before the appetizer.

I seriously doubt mother
had a long evening in mind.

They aren't back yet?

No.

Ooh!

Knock it off, natalie.

Is there coffee left?

No.

I'm going to go make some.

I don't understand this.

What could be
taking them so long?

It's spring, love is in the air.

Natalie, you're exhausted.

You're right. I'm going to bed.

It's not like he
wasn't wearing a belt,

His pants just fell down.

Maybe we'll stay.

Good night, natalie.

Right. Good night.

Good night.

Oh, blair, I'm so sorry you've
been waiting all this time.

We didn't realize
it got so late.

Where's jo?

She's in the kitchen.

I'll see you later,
monica, and thanks again.

Don't mention it, charlie.

Mother, do you
know what time it is?

Where have you been?

Believe it or not,
at the restaurant.

Charlie was telling jokes

And I was my usual
entertaining self.

Before you know
it, it was 10:00.

I'm sorry, darling, I should
have called, shouldn't i?

Yes, you should have.

That's okay.

Do you know what charlie sells?

I mean, besides the engines
and the transmuters.

He has this spray, you
can spray it on an old car

And make it smell
like a new car.

But you can spray
it on anything.

Smell.

Right off the showroom floor.

He said I smelled so good,

He wanted to take
me for a test drive!

The whole evening was like that.

He is vastly amusing,

And some of the things
he says are so arcane.

Well, I'm glad it
wasn't too bad.

When you left, I was worried.

Oh, not at all, darling.

It was a nice change of pace.

And tonight I learned
what "arcane" means.

Dinner must have set you back
a bundle if you skipped dessert.

Well, it was a "tad, dear,"
as monica would put it.

I knew this was a mistake.

No way. She treated me.

I had bouillabaisse
for the first time.

That's fish soup.

Yeah, I know.

I didn't, or I wouldn't have
ordered clam chowder

As an appetizer.

I had a good time.

You know, she's a classy broad.

She knows what to say.

What did she say?

Actually, she let me
do most of the talking.

It turns out I'm amusante.

As a matter of fact,
I'm tres amusante.

Well, at least she didn't
talk about her fingernails.

You know, she did.

It's very interesting
how she gets that color.

They apply it in
coats like on a car...

Natalie: so?

So what?

Tootie: so, how did it go with
your dad and mrs. Warner?

Answer her, or we'll
never go to sleep.

What "go"?

They went out and they
didn't have a horrible time.

My dad was able to endure
four hours of monica.

I think a new olympic record.

Hear that, natalie?

Now, good night.

So?

Blair, please
don't say anything.

Like what?

Like how was the date?

It wasn't a date,

Although your father was
obviously unexpectedly amusing.

Yeah, and your mother
didn't bore my dad to death.

Ooh!

Jo: all right.

Natalie, that is your third
and last "ooh" of the night.

But isn't it amazing?

Your dad was
unexpectedly amusing.

Blair's mother wasn't boring.

This could be the
start of something big.

You are kidding.

Stranger things have happened.

Look at susan anton
and dudley moore.

He's english, she's american.

He barely comes up to her neck.

They broke up.

They did?

A while ago.

Oh. Okay, but my
point is still valid.

Opposites attract.

You didn't expect them
to have a good time...

They did.

You don't think they
could get married...

They won't.

But they could, and if they did,

Do you know what
that would mean?

All right, natalie,
what does it mean?

It would mean

That jo polniaszek
and blair warner

Would be sisters. Good night.

I thought you didn't like it.

Oh, it was great on you.

I just thought you
were iffy about it.

No, I loved it.

I thought you thought
it was too full on me.

It was perfect.

What was it?

The cutest little sash.

And you let it go?

Isn't that a crime?

We were so rushed, I'm afraid
we made more than one mistake.

That's what we get for trying

To cram a week's
shopping into one day.

Oh, but jo, but we did have time
to pick this up for your father.

I saw this hanging there
and I said, "that is charlie."

What do you think?

It's very nice.

Oh, good, 'cause I also got
him a handkerchief to go with it.

Blair, tell you what.

Let's put on all our new
clothes and go out to dinner,

Just the two of us.

Oh, I'd love to,
but I have finals.

Oh, all right, I guess I'll call
charlie and see what he's up to.

There's the phone.

She's knows the number by heart.

Extension 622, please.

She knows the extension.

Hello, charlie?

Fine.

Listen, the girls are
going to have their noses

Buried in books all evening,

And I was just wondering
if you had any plans.

No?

Well, I dragged you all
through the bird sanctuary,

So tonight you get to pick.

He'll want to go bowling.

Bowling.

She'd rather die.

I'd love it!

But I don't have a ball.

Oh, marvelous.

They have balls there.

6:30? That's just great.

I'll see you then, bye.

Fiddlesticks, blair, I wish
you'd gotten that sash,

I could've borrowed it tonight.

Study hard.

Tootie, have you noticed
that there's a definite

Family resemblance
between jo and blair?

It's in the eyes.

Will you cut it out?

I can't help it, I
hear wedding bells.

Now hear this... No way.

Jo, you should be happy.

Not only do you
get blair as a sister,

You get a condo in
vienna, a villa in spain,

It's like marrying
into the sheratons.

And what do I get?

A last name nobody can spell.

You can keep
warner if you want to.

I think that's
okay, isn't it tootie?

Yeah, I think so.

This is ridiculous.

You know, you two should
spend some time with your parents,

Test out the new family unit.

You should all go
out to dinner tonight.

We can't, we've got to study.

Jo, really, how much studying
are we going to get done

With natalie trying to
make us sisters all night?

We should just go
to dinner with them

And find out what's
going on once and for all.

They're going bowling.

We can call the alley and
cancel the reservation.

All my clothes are in the dryer.

You can borrow
your sister's clothes!

Blair, jo can wear
your angora sweater.

I'd rather be damp.

No, I said, no!

No, no. No... No.

Oh, come on, charlie,
stop acting like a child.

No.

You silly boy.

I just want to see
how it would look.

I promise, I'll
comb it right back.

Oh, all right.

There.

Let me see, let me see.

Well, isn't that better?

Well... Let's ask the kids.

What do you think?

It's terrific.

Ditto.

But does it say, "success"?

Would I be seen with
any other kind of man?

Oh, brother.

Well, who wants coffee?

Girls? I want coffee.

No, thanks, I've had enough.

Charlie?

Thanks, monica, but
let's call it a night

And let the kids get
back to their books.

All right, but I'm going to hold
you to your bowling invitation.

Hey, you're on, tomorrow.

And I'll see you
tomorrow, too, okay?

All right.

Okay, good night, all.

Blair, monica.

Good night, charlie.

Don't touch that hair.

That was fun. Wasn't that fun?

Oh, it was something.

Oh, that sweater looks
wonderful on you, dear.

Yeah, it looks itchy to me.

It's supposed to, that's
how you know it's angora.

I'll stop at bonwit's, I'll
pick one up for you, dear.

Oh, no, that's okay,
really, mrs. Warner.

Oh, please. Monica.

Besides, it'll be a gift.

You're practically family.

Well, I'm going to
have some coffee

And catch up on my reading.

Don't you two stay up too late.

Don't worry, we won't.

What an evening.

Just be glad it's over.

Never again.

I couldn't believe
that was my mother,

Laughing and
carrying on that way.

Yeah, it was pretty
obvious, wasn't it?

What?

It was obvious she's
making a play for my dad.

She most certainly was not.

Come on, she was laughing
at everything he said.

Even when it wasn't funny.

She was simply being polite

In listening to your father's
ridiculous army stories.

I particularly liked the one
about the time they made soup

From the goat they
ran over with a jeep.

Such perfect
dinner conversation.

Are you're saying
my father's... Crude?

Yes, he is.

Well, your mother
is a spoiled airhead

Who has nothing better
to do with her time

Than spend it in
a beauty parlor.

She'd be lucky to get my dad.

And your father would
just love to get his hands

On all her money,
now, wouldn't he?

Ooh, well, I thought
that's how your mother

Got all her boyfriends, blair.

Oh, it's all right, though.

At her age, how else
she gonna bait the hook?

Are you saying my mother's
trying to buy your father?

Are you saying my
father's for sale?

Yes, yes, I am.

Well, then, I'm saying
your mother's trying

To buy my father,
who's not for sale.

Fine. I'm going to bed.

Me, too.

Where are you going? To bed.

In the bedroom?
That's where my bed is.

Then I'm going to study.

I thought you were going to bed.

I've changed my mind,
if it's okay with you.

Suit yourself... Sis.

Milk dud?

Thank you.

All right, look,
about your mother...

She still gets to me
at times, you know,

But that really wasn't what
was bothering me tonight.

It was the two of them together.

They were obnoxious, you know?

All that giggling and
chasing each other.

I guess I just tried to
blame it all on your mother.

I'm sorry about what I said.

Well?

Just a minute, my teeth
are stuck together.

Okay, you're right, I was
really getting annoyed, too.

They were behaving
like children...

Or like people in love.

Yeah.

I hate to admit it, but I
think natalie may be right.

That's all right.

It'll get better after a while.

They'll get sort of
settled in with each other.

They won't be so
constantly... Cute.

You mean, after they're married?

Looks that way to me.

So, what do they have for
thanksgiving dinner at your house?

Turkey.

Just like ordinary people.

Then you have,
like, turkey pot pie

And turkey a la king for days?

No, we give the
leftovers to the help.

No leftovers?

Oh, this could work out.

You know, I hate to admit it,

But my mother could do worse.

Yeah, my father, too.

So, what do you think?

I think we should probably
give them our blessing.

Right. Tomorrow night at dinner.

It's my dad's last
night in town.

You know, if I'm your sister,

Is your mother going to buy
me all those itchy sweaters?

Probably.

Here's the secret.

Wear a blouse underneath.

That way it doesn't itch.

Ahh, and this has
been passed down

For generations in your family?

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe you
volunteered us to clear.

Blair was just building
up to the blessing.

I think they should be alone.

I wanted to be in there.

You have to make coffee first.

One regular, two
decaf, and one espresso.

All right, I'll make the coffee.

One regular, two
decaf, one espresso.

Brew, brew, brew, let's roll.

I hate to go back
to the city tonight.

I've had such a terrific time.

It's true.

It's been a special
week for all of us.

Oh, you got your grades?

No, no, no, it's been much
more special than that.

I hope you like it black.

There wasn't a speck
of cream or sugar

In the kitchen or the shop.

Okay, it's been a
special week, go.

No, I think they
should be alone.

Oh, no, it's all right.

After all, natalie was the
first one to see this coming.

See what?

Charlie, mother,

I think it's fair to say
that few of us expected

When we sent you off to
dinner only a few short days ago

You would return as friends.

During the past seven days,
we've watched that friendship

Blossom into something
even more special.

Jo.

Yes, something very special.

Jo.

Oh, yes.

Something very special.

We have seen...

We have seen the joy
that you give each other,

And have felt a joy
at the coming together

Of two people so close to us.

And we'd just like to say,
you have our blessing.

For what?

To get married.

What?

Where did you ever get the idea
that we were getting married?

From her.

Cream and sugar, anyone?

Wait a minute, you
have been inseparable.

You buy him ties.

You buy her pizza.

You've been laughing and playing

Like lovesick
teenagers all week.

Well, two people can
have a good time together

And not get married.

Can't they?

I mean, charlie and I have
nothing really in common.

She's right, I can't
shop, and she can't bowl.

I thought I did pretty
well, I got a spare.

Yeah, but usually you
don't get five tries.

Charlie, it wasn't
me, it was the shoes.

I was wearing my eggplant skirt,

And they gave me green shoes.

I got to go.

Honey, I'll call you when
I get back to the city.

Good-bye, guys, and
thanks for dinner.

I'll see you in a few days.

And monica, when you
decide where you want to go

On the honeymoon,
get back to me.

Oh, well, I can see you
girls want to be alone,

And I have loads
of packing to do.

So, a kiss for my daughter...

And a kiss for the
one that got away.

♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪

♪ And enjoy the
fun of managing ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ They shed a lot of light ♪

♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪

♪ Better get 'em right ♪

♪ Call her late at night ♪

♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪

♪ All you gotta do to get
you through is understand ♪

♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪

♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ They're all about you ♪♪