04x21 - The Looooove Boat: Part 1

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Julie: Mike, go!

Mike: Yep yep yep.Time to go alright.

Julie: Mike, I'm Chrissy's nanny.I don't want your parents walking in on us making out.

Mike: I just wanted to hear you say making out.

Julie: Mike!

Mike: Alright.Oh and one more thing...

Julie: Mike!

Mike: Just kidding.

Maggie: Ah, so Julie, how did you make out?

Julie: Make out!

Maggie: With Chrissy.

Julie: Oh fine.Fine.Hi everybody.How was dinner?

Carol: Wonderful.

Wally: Thanks again Jason for picking up the check.

Jason: Oh don't even mention it.Actually Maggie insist...You're welcome Wally.

Maggie: So Julie, have you seen Mike tonight?

Julie: No.I haven't seen him the whole evening.It's just been me and Chrissy.

Mike: Ah.Mum dad.When the heck did you guys get home?Grandma, Wally, what are you guys doing here?

Grandma: Your father won't let us leave until we pay half the check.

Ben: Good one grandma.

Mike: Hey Julie, here's the soda you asked for.

Carol: I thought you hadn't seen him all evening.

Maggie: We have some major family news to talk about.

Mike: Yeah, about what?

Maggie: Well, a loving couple that has come a very long way in just a few short months.

Mike: Ah, do I know them?

Maggie: Jason.

Jason: Yes it seems that your grandmother and, uh...

Wally: Wally.

Jason: Wally, have set a wedding date.

Mike: Ah right grandma!

Maggie: Yes, it's exactly two weeks from tomorrow.

Grandma: On a cruise to the Caribbean.

Carol: And on the very same boat that they met and fell in love.

Grandma: And, the whole family's invited.

Wally: Yes.My treat.Unless you think I'm going overboard.You get it?Overboard.

Maggie: Oh and Julie, I had an idea.If you can take the time, we'd love for you to come with us and help with Chrissy.

Julie: An ocean cruise to the Caribbean!

Maggie: Uh hu.

Julie: Wow!

Maggie: Oh and Wally, you can't pay for all of us and Julie.

Wally: Oh I insist.

Maggie: I know Wally, but I think that it's just...

Jason: Maggie, the man insists.I'll pick up the next cruise.

Ben: Hey you guys please, if I meet a pretty girl, don't mention that I pick my nose.

Mike: Hey, the little one picks his nose.

Grandma: Do you have everything Wally?

Wally: Oh, by this time tomorrow I will.Everything I need in one little package.

Maggie: Jason, you promised.

Jason: Did I say anything negative?

Maggie: Well I believe in our discussion, you also foresaw eyebrow lip squints, throat clears and bulging eyes.

Jason: But Maggie...

Jason: Pardon me?

Maggie: If you can't give your mother your blessing, at least give her a silent smile.

Maggie: Well she hardly needs my blessing Maggie.Mum, do you have everything you need for this trip?

Grandma: Sure do.

Jason: See.

Wally: I'm in the mood for love...

Wally and Grandma: Simply because you're near me.

Mike: Not a bad commute.

Ben: Mike, listen to this.Fun activities for the whole family; shuffle board, a ping pong tournament and every Tuesday night a limbothon.Wooooo, hold me back!Mike, there's got to be something we can do on this ship.

Mike: Yeah Bennie.There's got to be.

Ben: And I'm not going to rest until I find it.

Mike: Me either.

Jason: Maybe it's out here Maggie.Women!One suitcase is too many and a thousand is not enough.

Julie: That was close.

Mike: No, this is close.

Jason: Honey, found your yellow bag.Where do you want it?

Maggie: That's not yellow, that's canary.Your shirt is yellow.

Jason: I thought it was golden.Well that must be mum's, or Wally's.Mum, is this your canary...

Grandma: What this about a canary dear?

Jason: Bag.

Grandma: I think that uh, Jason was a little upset about what we were doing.

Wally: What were we doing?

Grandma: Making out.

Wally: I know.I just wanted to hear you say making out.

Mike: Dad.

Jason: Hey Mike.

Mike: Hey who are we waving to?

Jason: I don't know Mike.Just go with the flow.

Ben: And the only reason you are throwing me out is because I was winning.Man, there's got o be something I'm old enough to do.Limbothon, beer drinking...?

Doreen: Young man.Would you like a little captain's hat?

Ben: That's ok.

Doreen: They are free.

Ben: My dad will probably want one.

Doreen: I'm Doreen.Your ships kids' officer.What's your name?

Ben: Ben Seaver.

Ben: It might be under Wally Openmyer.

Doreen: The Openmyer wedding party?I just met them.They are such a cute couple.I'm taking care of all the bridal arrangements.I'm also "your ships social director".Hey, let me show you are darned exciting play room.You want a make up holder for your mum?

Ben: Oh that's ok.

Bikini Lady: (speaks in Swedish)

Doreen: I'm also "your ships linguist".This is the University of Stockholm's gymnastic team.

Ben: Wow.

Bikini Lady: (more Swedish)

Doreen: (reply in Swedish)

Ben: What did she just say?What did she just say?

Doreen: I'll have to show them to the pool.

Ben: I'll do it.I'm your ships hornball.

Grandma: So Wally had no place to eat, but I just happened to have an empty seat.And the rest is history.

Maggie: And is this where you proposed?

Wally: Nah.That was in Urma's cabin, on the balcony.

Grandma: Under a full moon.

Maggie: Oh!

Jason: Oh!

Ben: Did I miss lunch?

Maggie: Yes Ben.Ben!You are all wet.

Ben: Tell me about it.

Jason: Well go change into some dry clothes.

Ben: That's alright.I think I'll just try swimming in my trunks for a change.

Wally: Neither of you's ever been on a cruise before?

Jason: Ah...

Maggie: No.

Carol: Grandma, mum, the bachelorette party's in less than an hour and you don't want to be late.That's all I'm saying.

Grandma: Oh Carol's such a good girl.

Maggie: I wonder what she's got planned.

Grandma: Oh I wonder.

Jason: Ah mum...

Grandma: Yes dear.

Jason: I have a little something for you.

Grandma: A wedding gift?

Jason: It's not a gift so much, but yes it is for the wedding.

Wally: Ahh!

Grandma: Well Jason, what is it?

Jason: Well mum, you know, uh, marriage is a wonderful beautiful thing.And the opposite of marriage, divorce, that's a horrible ugly thing mum.And god forbid it should ever happen to you and Wally after you get married, but, uh, well just, I would like you to have the piece of mind that something like this would provide.

Grandma: What's this?

Jason: Just a little something I had my lawyer whip up.It's really very simple.

Grandma: Standard pre-nuptial agreement.

Jason: Yep yep yep.It's uh, I think as soon as you get over your initial reaction, mum you are going to see the wisdom.....uh...

Wally: What's the matter?

Grandma: Wally, I think I need some air.

Wally: What went on?What did he say?

Jason: So uh, see you two kids at rehearsal.What?Wasn't I polite all through lunch?

Mike: So, what do you say, you and me both have our own private little lifeboat girl tonight?

Julie: Mike I can't.They all invited me to the bachelorette party.I have to go.

Mike: Why?

Julie: Cos I'm a bachelorette.Who's totally free after seven o'clock?

Mike: Oh what a coinky dink.I'm a bachelor who's totally free after seven o'clock.

Man: Oh, it's always nice to see a young married couple with a baby.

Mike: Oh, we're not married.Hey, mind if I drive?Hey, hold on Chrissy.

Julie: I feel very close to you right now Mike.

Mike: Hey we are.

Julie: I'm serious.I'm falling in love with you.

Mike: Well come on in.The water's fine.

Lady: Oh, a nice young married couple.

Julie: We're...thank you.It's easier.

Ben: Mike, where are you?

Julie: I'll meet you right back here at seven.

Mike: Seven o'clock.Ok, don't be late.

Ben: Mike!Where are you?

Mike: I'm right here.

Ben: Mike, this is so cool.Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.Mike, Mike, Mike, you will not believe this.Today is our lucky day.

Mike: What?What is it?

Ben: Mike, there are twenty of the hottest babes in the world on this boat.

Mike: So.

Ben: We are talking Swedish, blonde, gymnast.

Mike: Hey Ben, look, there is much more to a woman than the way she looks.I mean you've got to take into account all kinds of things like, a personality and her intelligence, and uh, and her uh, uh, uh.So what was I saying?

Ben: What was who saying?

Maggie: Jason, I have an idea.Why don't you just stink b*mb you're mother's bachelorette party?

Jason: Come on Maggie!Pre-nuptial agreements are hardly un heard of.

Maggie: Well I wouldn't exactly call it a romantic gift.

Jason: Well sometimes romance doesn't last for ever.

Maggie: Jason, don't give me straight lines like that.

Jason: Can you blame me a man for trying to look out for his mother's best interest?

Grandma: You would think Jason would know better.

Maggie: What was he thinking?

Grandma: What a boob.

Maggie: Urma, that boob is my husband.

Grandma: Sorry.

Carol: Your bachelorette party is almost ready.Just give me ten seconds.

Grandma: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carol: What's with grandma?

Maggie: Oh your dad did something stupid.

Carol: What was he thinking?

Maggie: What a boob.

Carol: Mum, that boob is my father.

Maggie: Sorry.You know Urma, no matter what Jason does, no matter how silly or twisted or border line nut bar, he does it out of love for you.

Grandma: You're right Maggie.

Maggie: And you can't let him spoil this week for you.

Grandma: True.

Maggie: Come on.

Carol: Welcome aboard.We've been expecting you.

Maggie and Urma: Oh kids!

Carol: Urma Seaver, kiss your single days goodbye.Have a punch, have a cr*cker and have a ball, as you watch the amazing Lorenzo!

Song and Lorenzo strips: Get your motor running.Heading on the high way.

Carol: It's ok mum.He's a professional.

Maggie: Where did you find him?

Carol: Well he's the dealer at the casino.

Maggie: I thought you had to be twenty one to get into the casino.

Carol: I didn't meet him at the casino.I met him at the sauna.

Maggie: Carol, this is your fathers' mother here.This is not appropriate entertainment.

Grandma: That's right.We'll tell him to leave as soon as he's finished.

Mike: Twenty Swedish girls, and I can't do a thing about it.

Ben: Hey Mike.What you doing up there?Come on in.The waters warm.And not just the water.

Mike: Why now?

Ben: Hey Mike, give it here.

Swedish girls: (screaming)

Ben: Mike come on.One more person is needed.

Mike: No listen.I've got to meet someone at seven o'clock.

Swedish girls: Please.Please.Please.

Mike: Well, hey.If it will improve international relations and ease world tensions, what's five minutes?

Doreen: I understand "your ships Elvis impersonator" is part of the wedding?

Elvis: Yo.

Grandma: I know it seems odd, but he was part of the magical night when we met.And we just couldn't tie the knot without the prince.

Wally: The King.

Doreen: Now then, pay attention!This is the aisle, and these are the chairs, and this is a very unhappy man.

Jason: No, I'm not unhappy.I was just thinking of a way I might apologize.I got everybody so upset with that whole prenuptial thing, and please just forget I ever brought it up.Ok?

Maggie: Oh Jason, that's so nice.

Grandma: Thank you Jason.

Doreen: Isn't he a sweet heart.

Elvis: Yo.

Jason: Hey.

Wally: Jason...

Jason: Wally.

Carol: It's going to be Grandpa Wally after tomorrow.

Maggie: Lingering suspicions!

Wally: Gold digger on a pension!

Grandma: An emotionally vulnerable woman!

Carol: Nough said!

Jason: Well ok, maybe I should apologize for my apology now.

Maggie: No, no don't say anything.

Wally: Now just a minute here...

Grandma: Wally, Wally.Forget it.Please, for me.Thank you.

Doreen: Isn't he a sweet heart?

Elvis: Yo!

Mike: Lower, lower.Ah!You know Ben, I just realized that this is the first time in my life I've been touched by eight female hands at the same time.

Ben: Second for me.

Mike: Yeah right.When did four girls put sun tan lotion on you at night?Well hello...

Julie: Julie.

Mike: Julie, that's funny I...Julie!Julie look, its not what it looks like.Alright, ha ha.Hey Julie銆侭ennie, Bennie.Look who it is.It's Julie.Swedish Girls: Hi Julie.

Julie: What is it then?

Mike: Well uh, I was just helping some foreigners with their first difficult days in America.

Julie: We're in international waters.

Mike: Yeah.Well if I found that out an hour ago, I wouldn't have been here.

Julie: You expect me to believe that you didn't stand me up to get greased down by a million other women?

Swedish girl: Mikey, you do me now ya?

Julie: I trusted you.

Mike: Uh listen.You'll have to start without me alright.

Julie: Well maybe I should too.

Mike: Would you keep it down.

Julie: Keep it down.

Mike: Yes come on.Ben is right over there.You know.Our relationship.

Julie: What relationship.

Mike: Hey Julie.Julie!

Doreen: And then "your ships captain" will stand here and say: "If anyone among us knows why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace".

Jason: Ha ha ha.I was thinking of something else totally.Please.

Wally: Look pal.I've had just about enough of your hooee.

Grandma: Wally!

Wally: Well Urma, I can't take this.

Family: What?

Grandma: Well at least my goofy family had the courtesy to show up.

Wally: Oh and that's a good thing?

Grandma: Don't you talk to me in that tone.

Jason: Can we just table this conversation and get on with the rehearsal?

Wally: Shut up!

Grandma: Don't you tell my son to shut up.

Maggie: Uh uh, Urma, Wally, why don't you just calm down.We are losing sight of hwy we are here.Doreen, why don't you just...

Doreen: And then "your ships captain" will ask you two to step forward and take each other for life.

Grandma: For life!

Wally: Well you make it sound like an alternative to the death penalty.

Grandma: Well maybe you would like a pardon.

Wally: Well maybe I would like a helicopter.

Grandma: Well don't wait for the helicopter.Swim for it!

Jason: This is exactly the kind of unforeseen situation prenuptial agreements are designed to protect you against.

Maggie: Ha!

Doreen: Attention happy passengers.I hope you all enjoyed the first day of your dream cruise.Maybe you found a special person and you are with them right now.Or maybe you planned ahead and brought that special person with you.Either way, I can just feel it.Romance is in the air tonight.And remember everybody, there are six more wonderful days where this came from.Enjoy!